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Soonyoung sighed as he looked at the wall clock as it strikes 7 in the evening. Another sigh and he made his way to his things, gathering everything and leaving the practice room.
He wasn’t really paying attention, his mind wandering somewhere else, but when he looked up, he was already standing in front of one of the studio rooms, specifically, his room.
He sighed for the nth time that day, leaning his forehead by the door. He didn’t exactly know what happened, everything just went by in a blur.
He remembers shouting, why was he shouting?
Ah… Because he was clashing ideas with him again.
He remembers walking out, why did he walk out?
Ah… Because he couldn’t bear to look at his eyes. He couldn’t bear the pain he saw in them, the tears he was uncontrollably shedding.
It wasn’t a new thing, the fighting. It always happens when things weren't coming out the way they planned it, especially when it’s about recording and dancing.
But… that fight was different.
It wasn’t about the off-key when he’s singing, or the wrong dance move he was executing.
It was about something different, something deeper.
Something about the future that had scared both of them, scared him the most.
“Soonyoung?” He had turned and saw Jun standing a few meters away from him.
“Jun? I thought you went home?” He asked, turning to the other dancer.
“I was about to, but Wonwoo was reviewing for his contest this week, so I just waited for him.” Jun came closer, and Soonyoung noticed the bottled water he was holding.
“He’s still not done?” Soonyoung asked.
“Almost, he’s just finalizing some of his topics.” Jun replied, leaning back by the wall, “Something wrong? Why aren’t you going inside?” Jun asked tilting his head to the studio’s door.
Soonyoung looked back at the door and sighed again, leaning back to face Jun, “Can I ask you a question?”
Jun tilted his head, before nodding for him to proceed with his question.
“What is your dream?”
Jun blinked at the unexpected question, but nonetheless answered, “To be a choreographer of my own dance studio.” Soonyoung nodded, but Jun continued, “That’s what I’m gonna answer if you’ve asked before.”
“Before?” Soonyoung tilted his head in confusion.
“Before I met Wonwoo.” Jun looked at the bottle of water he was holding, “Wonwoo wants to be a teacher, you know.”
“And you’re changing your dream because of him?”
“Not really, but he’s included in it.” Jun clarified, “Like I’m thinking instead of a dance studio, maybe I can make a dance school? Where I can teach Wonwoo’s students as well.” Jun smiled, just imagining the little kids Wonwoo would be teaching, and in the afternoon he’d teach them.
Soonyoung looked at Jun’s smiling face, seemingly very happy with his decision.
“Then what about your original dream?” Soonyoung lowered his head and had asked in a smaller voice.
Jun turned to Soonyoung, eyeing him, “I get to be a dancer either way, so I’m okay with it, and besides…” Soonyoung turns up and Jun smiled at him warmly, “Being with Wonwoo is my dream after all.”
Soonyoung became quiet, seemingly in deep thought, so Jun had to ask, “What about you? What’s your dream, Soonyoung?”
Like Jun, every dance student has been dreaming of owning a dance studio where they can enhance and polish their talents and passion even further, so technically, he had the same dream as Jun. But life can be very tough for art students like them, and for Soonyoung, he thinks they have to be very practical if he wants to survive in the real world.
Soonyoung didn’t answer and Jun sighed, looking at his wristwatch, “Won wouldn’t be done for another 30 mins, so you want to talk about it?”
Still, Soonyoung remained silent, looking at his shoes as if it was the most interesting thing in the world right now.
“Hmm…” Jun hummed, “Let me guess, it’s the same as mine right? I mean the one before Wonwoo.” He spoke, “But… the future scares you.”
He remained silent, and he heard Jun sigh once more, “You’re scared, because like us, Jihoon’s an art student, and things might not go the way you planned it.”
Soonyoung bit his lower lip, bullseye.
“What did Jihoon think?”
“He’d follow me.” He said in a soft voice.
“He’d follow you?” Jun asked, clearly confused.
“I told him…” Soonyoung sighed as the memories of their fight earlier came back to him, “I told him that there was no point of me continuing this.”
The moment he looked at Jun, he was regretting it. Jun looked at him with utter disbelief, “C-can you hear yourself?”
“Jun, look.” He didn’t know why, but he wanted to defend himself, “If things turn for worst, I might not be able to give Jihoon the life he wanted, doing something I love is not the same as doing something so we can survive. And I don’t want Jihoon to sacrifice his…”
“So you’re deciding for the both of you?” Jun was still looking at him with disbelief, “Soons, I get where you’re coming from, but… what about Jihoon?”
“I can support both of us.”
“No…” Jun tried to calm himself, “No, you don’t get it, Soons.”
“What is it that I don’t get?”
“Jihoon is in the picture,” Jun explained, “Jihoon gets to decide what he wants, and if he wants to follow you, respect it.”
Soonyoung shook his head, “No, even when we were younger, Jihoon had always wanted to be a singer, a composer, I can’t take that away from him.”
They jump in surprise when the door suddenly opened and a glaring Jihoon came out. Jun raised both of his arms and slowly backed away, “I think you two need to talk, Wonwoo’s waiting for me so…” And Jun was immediately out of the scene.
Soonyoung sighed, “I don’t want to fight right now.”
But Jihoon’s glare intensified, “Inside. Now.”
“Ji…”
“Now.” And without a word, Jihoon turned his back and entered the room once again.
Soonyoung sighed in defeat and silently followed Jihoon inside, the latter was already sitting by his chair so he made his way to the sofa, putting his things down. The two of them sat inside in silence, but then Jihoon stood up from his seat which made Soonyoung look at him.
Jihoon made his way to Soonyoung, his face was still expressionless, but he swatted Soonyoung’s arms away and settled himself on his lap, leaning his head on his shoulder and nuzzling his face in the crook of his neck, holding on to Soonyoung sweater, “J-just… let me stay like this for a while.”
Soonyoung couldn’t help feel guilty, Jihoon’s voice was so small, and he was even making himself small so he could fit properly in his lap. He wrapped his arms around him and adjusted himself so both of them could be in a comfortable position.
They have been quiet for a moment when Jihoon spoke, “A-about earlier.”
“Shh.” Soonyoung turned his head and planted a kiss on the crown of Jihoon’s head, “I’m sorry.”
Jihoon didn’t speak, but he could hear releasing a deep breath as if he was holding it in, like he was afraid he'd anger Soonyoung for something he'd say, “I’m sorry, love. I— I didn’t mean it, okay.”
In the heat of the moment, he wasn’t able to stop himself, he was too blinded by his frustrations and fear that he uttered those words mindlessly.
I can’t do this anymore!
The pain in Jihoon’s eyes made his heart wrench in pain, and then suddenly tears started springing up the younger’s eyes, and before everything registers to him, he was already walking away.
“I’m sorry, love.” He whispered, planting another kiss on him as he felt him shaking in his arms.
He held him tighter, rubbing his back and whispering his apologies until the other had calm down, when Soonyoung made him look at him, he could see how red the eyes of the other. His heart ached once again and he pressed light kisses on Jihoon’s eyes.
Jihoon sniffled, and Soonyoung let out a small smile, “Forgive me, love?”
“Talk to me.” Jihoon answered instead, “W-what happened? I… I heard what you said to Jun earlier… W-why were you—“
“I just can’t bear to see you sacrifice your dream for me.” Soonyoung leaned his forehead against Jihoon, “I can’t bear to take away what makes you happy.”
“But you make me happy,” Jihoon whispered.
“I know, love.” Soonyoung answered, before leaning back to look at Jihoon, “But we can’t rely on our love alone. The future is scary, and things might not—“
“We’ll make it.” Jihoon cut him off, “I’m sure we’ll make it,” he cupped Soonyoung cheeks and smiled, “Y-you will be a successful choreographer, and I’ll be a producer, we’ll be a power couple in the music industry, y-you just have to believe.”
Jihoon was right though, even as students, other music and dance students admire them. They rank first in their respective departments, and when they work together in a competition, no one ever doubts them, always sure they'd bring home the trophy. Soonyoung just had to believe, but at the back of his mind, there's this tiny voice that tells him, things wouldn't be the same in the real world.
“B-but what if—“ Soonyoung sighed, “What if that didn’t happen? What will I do? I can’t afford to see you suffer, Ji.”
“Then we’ll solve it together,” Jihoon caressed his cheeks, and he couldn’t stop the tears forming in his eyes as Jihoon smiled warmly at him, “We’ll be together, and we’ll think of something, just like always.”
They know each other so well, that even when their ideas clash, they always find a common ground, they know how to compromise with each other. Always find a solution to put their ideas together, beautifully and harmoniously.
Soonyoung could clearly see the love and determination in Jihoon’s eyes, the way he seemed so sure of his decision, that everything would be okay as long as they are together.
“I—Sorry, I’m really sorry, Ji.”
“If something is bothering you, please talk it out to me?” Jihoon asked in a soft voice and Soonyoung nodded.
“I will, I promise.” Soonyoung leaned down and place a chaste kiss on Jihoon’s lips, “I love you.”
And the bright smile on Jihoon’s face made him feel better, “I love you too.”
Jihoon laid his head back on Soonyoung shoulder, and they stayed quiet for a moment before Soonyoung spoke again.
“You know…” His hand made it’s way to Jihoon’s hair, softly caressing it and playing with the soft locks, “Jun says he'll probably build a dance school since Wonwoo really wants to be a teacher.” He whispered, “Maybe… maybe if things don’t go according to our plans, I can teach with him.”
Jihoon hummed in response, “Then I’d teach music?” He can hear the smile on Jihoon’s voice, and Soonyoung felt so much lighter.
“Yeah, and you’d still do what you love.”
“That sounds nice…” Jihoon voice was getting softer, “We have a backup plan…” He said before yawning.
Soonyoung smiled, “Rest, love.” He placed another kiss on Jihoon’s head, “I’ll wake you up later.”
“Love you…” Jihoon whispered, and he couldn’t help chuckling softly.
“I love you too…” Another kiss, “My dream…”