Chapter Text
Tom Paris would never let it be said he was a sulker. He wasn’t a pouter or a moper either. He was a brooder, pure and simple. Currently he was brooding broodingly in the mess hall. He’d been brooding since dinner and doing an admirable job of it while the mess hall emptied out. Now it was too late or it was too early or it was both. Either way, the mess hall was almost completely empty and Tom was tired and upset and alone. Alone except for one person.
Neelix was in the kitchen humming some Talxian song and scrubbing dishes with the same excitement he did everything. He was, as always, in a solar system of his own. Tom envied him. It seemed contentment was something he was destined to never reach.
Tom sighed. Neelix went from humming to whistling. Tom sighed louder. Neelix appeared to be coming up with some sort of impromptu dance number. Tom stood and walked over to the kitchen and then sighed even louder. Neelix stopped trying to throw it back and looked at Tom.
“Lieutenant, I consider myself to be something of an empath, and I can’t help noticing that you seem to be in a bad mood. You’ve been sitting at that same table for hours now and this is the fifth time you’ve stood up just to stand by the kitchen and sigh. Is something wrong?”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” he said. He sighed again and looked down. He felt very Charlie Brown. He could practically hear the music.
“Mister Paris, I know for a fact that that isn’t true . It’s my job as morale officer to make sure that you’re happy and I can’t help unless I know the problem.” Damn Neelix’s inherent empathy and ability to read people. He was truly a necessary member of the crew.
“It’s just- you know all those times I would ask B’Elanna out and she would turn me down?” Tom asked.
Neelix nodded, “Yes, she does it fairly often.”
“Well it turns out she actually meant it!” said Tom.
“No!” Neelix gasped. He actually had to sit down from the shock of it all.
“Yes! She explained it to me when we were having dinner tonight,” Tom had been just as shocked as Neelix when B’Elanna had told him. He’d thought they were Ross and Rachel or like the couple from Cheers or even Moonlighting, but it turns out they were just platonic friends and that didn’t make good television at all. He apologized profusely for any boundaries he stepped over and she’d accepted it so Tom figured their overall friendship was okay, but he was depressed. “I was really banking on me and B’Elanna being endgame. I guess I’m just worried that I’m going to spend the rest of my life on this ship alone, you know?”
Neelix was the type of man who had a face specifically reserved for deep thought and he was making it now. He took a long moment to visibly collect his thoughts before saying, “I know when Kes left- you remember Kes? My ex wife that you wanted to sleep with who left the ship after becoming an all powerful psychic being? We had a food fight over her and then we adopted a lizard baby together which helped us get past our differences?”
“Vaguely,” said Tom.
“When we got divorced I was a wreck for almost an entire week. That first night I was so sad I cried for over an hour. All I could think was ‘who am I going to be unhealthily possessive over now? Will I have to find love with a person who has been in a relationship before and knows what’s normal and what’s not?’ But then I realized that this entire crew had become like a second wife to me. And they can be your second wife too, if you let them.” Neelix placed his hand on top of Tom’s and gave it a comforting squeeze.
Tom didn’t know if the fact that it was so late was warping his perception or if this conversation had revealed an entirely new side to Neelix but something had changed. Even his ear hairs were… cute?
“Listen, Neelix, I’m just going to put all my cards on the table. Do you want to go hook up in my quarters and see where this takes us?” Tom asked. There was a pause and he bit his lip nervously. He really didn’t think his self esteem could take getting turned down by Neelix right now. Or ever. But especially now.
“Oh Tom,” Neelix said happily, “I thought you’d never ask.
The sex was incredibly bad. As it turned out, human parts and talaxian parts? Totally incompatible. But they did spoon afterwards and for a little while, Tom didn’t feel so lonely.