Work Text:
It was Anya’s fault really. She should have known better.
Raven stood back and admired her handiwork. Yes, it was definitely Anya’s fault for being so damn successful at her job.
Anya was currently out of town on a work thing, some big investor meeting that required her truly intimidating presence to help convince the clients to sign with them. Or at least that was what Anya had told Raven. Now Anya’s success at her job wasn't necessarily the root of the problem, just an unfortunate byproduct of the situation Raven had found herself in this weekend.
The real problem was boredom, a truly dangerous thing when combined with one Raven Reyes. With Anya out of town and Raven at home due to the lab at work being deep cleaned for a minor explosion that was definitely not her fault, Raven had the back half of the week off. That combined with Anya’s absence had led to most of Raven’s impulse control going out the window after the third hour of her first day off, and well… she had gotten really into sculpture.
Raven tilted her head as she admired her wooden monstrosity with a critical eye. She was quite proud of it, she didn't want to sound too full of herself but she’s pretty sure that Clarke would weep from its magnificence. With a smile Raven left her back yard and made her way into the kitchen to start on dinner. Anya would be home in a few hours and Raven wanted to have dinner ready for them.
It was maybe an hour later before she heard the keys in the door and Anya came into the house. She didn't shout a greeting, but quietly made her way into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Raven from behind. The two of them enjoyed a quiet moment just holding each other.
“That smells good, what is it?” Anya asked as she tilted Raven’s head and pulled her into a long kiss.
“Just some pasta carbonara.” Raven mumbled into her lips with a grin. “It’s almost done.”
Anya hummed and pulled Raven closer, nuzzling into her neck. “I missed you.” her voice came out muffled.
“Same.” Raven said with soft smile as she pulled Anya in for another kiss. After a minute Anya broke away with a soft smile.
“I’ll go change, and help set the table.”
Raven nodded and returned to her work, she listened as Anya padded out of the room and into their bedroom. It was quiet for a long moment before she heard her wife's voice float into the kitchen.
“Raven?”
“Yeah?” Raven called back, stirring the pasta.
“Where’s the bed?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean ” Anya said coming back into the kitchen, a tone in her voice that Raven knew that she was probably about to get into trouble “Where is our bed frame?” Anya glanced around. “And our table and chairs?”
“Oh that bed frame?” Raven asked playing dumb as she started to plate their meals.
“False stupidity is not a good look on you, dear. Where is our bed frame?” Anya was clearly starting to get agitated by the lack of bed and Raven’s rather blasé attitude about the situation.
“I needed it for a project.”
“Christ on a stick.” Anya muttered pinching her brow. “Raven this last week has been a shit storm and all I want to do is enjoy a nice meal with you at our dinner table, and then go to bed, and I was going to say have sex in said bed, but I am seriously reconsidering the sex and skipping straight to the part where I throttle you.”
“What no spankings?” Raven turned to face Anya with a shit eating grin on her face.
“I’m calling our lawyer, and getting a divorce.” Anya said flatly.
“Ha! You wish, Lexa’s our lawyer and there’s no way she’d divorce us, Clarke wouldn't let her, she’s so fucking whipped. You’re stuck with me!”
“Raven. Where is our bed frame?” Anya asked lowly as she got into her personal space. Raven grinned and started to answer but got distracted staring at Anya’s lips. “Raven!” Anya whined, snapping her out of her reprieve.
“Everything is in the backyard.”
Anya immediately left her space and went out the patio door to their backyard. She was gone for maybe thirty seconds before she came back in. an indescribable expression on her face.
“Raven.”
“Yes, my love?” Raven asked, sensing that she might be in more trouble for her stunt than she had initially anticipated.
“Why is there a giant wooden sculpture of a dick in our backyard?”
“It’s my newest piece.”
“Your newest piece?” Anya asked disbelievingly.
“Yeah, I got bored, and watched a documentary on Paul Gauguin, who was kinda a creep by the way, did you know he married a thirteen year old? Anyway somewhere between being horrified by this dude and getting a bit drunk, also cause of this dude, they started showing his sculpture work and I figured I could do that. So I did.”
Anya stared at her for a long minute before walking over to the kitchen drawer and pulling out a lighter, she reached into the cupboard and pulled out the tequila and took a long pull before going back outside. Raven followed behind her.
“Does this monstrosity have a name?” Anya asked, staring at the eight foot tall dick that had been constructed out of their bed, table and chairs.
“I call it ‘Fuck You.’ it’s about how white men can literally do anything they want to without consequences. And it's about the environment. And the economy, you know, all the stuff men have fucked up.”
Anya hummed and took another swing of the alcohol and then dumped the rest onto the incredibly accurate looking left tesitcle. Raven had used forks to create the illusion of hair.
“What are you doing?”
“A performance art piece. I call it ‘Fuck You Two.’” Anya said with a smirk as she flicked the lighter on. She paused, clearly waiting for Raven’s go ahead before setting the fire.
Raven grinned and nodded eagerly, she fucking loved fire, and Anya. This was honestly a dream for her. Plus she also realistically knew they couldn't keep a giant sculpture of a dick in their backyard, someone would probably complain. Most likely Clarke out of jealousy for not coming up with the idea first.
Anya flicked the lighter at the penis sculpture and it immediately went up in flames.
“Oh shit that is a lot of fire!”
Both women took a step back and watched as the flames got bigger and engulfed the penis in a column of fire.
“I’ll call the fire department.” Anya said, getting out her phone.
“Yeah, I'll get the fire extinguisher.” Raven said starting towards the house.
“Raven!”
“Yes?” She asked, spinning around.
“I still might throttle you tonight.”
“As long as I’m getting spanked do what you want.”
Anya did laugh at that as she dialed for the fire department, she had their number on speed dial.
Raven grinned as she ran back inside, maybe Clarke had been onto something with this whole artist thing. Raven had a feeling she was going to get a whole new appreciation for the term 'tortured artist.'