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The sun is beginning to set and, although she’s early to the town’s annual after graduation bonfire on her best friend’s land, the fire is already going and the chatter is alive with the sound of music.
Nicole finds Wynonna first, beer in hand, lawn chair close to the fire. She plops herself down on a log beside her and Wynonna wordlessly hands over an unopened can of the cheap stuff. She simply mutters a thanks and pops the tab on the beer.
Wynonna knows things. She knows things about the town. She knows things about Nicole. She knows things about the girl Nicole has been in love with since the first moment they met.
She was 15 and had moved in next door to the McCready house with her mom. Their complicated backstory was long behind them, buried in a small town somewhere else. Her mother, a nurse who was addicted to anything and everything she could get her hands on, had watched Nicole’s father die in her arms from an overdose on a drug she stole from the hospital.
This is a story she doesn’t like to tell.
In fact, she’s really only told the story one and a half times.
She doesn’t plan on doing it again.
When they moved to the small town of hell adjacent, she was mostly left to fend for herself. She was easily distracted by the girl next door who turned 15 herself within just a few weeks of their initial meeting. She was too busy falling in love to really notice her absentee mother was either at work or high as a kite. Needless to say, her mother was fired from the Ghost River Triangle’s hospital and shipped off to rehab. Luckily her grandmother was willing to come live with her instead of the other way around.
It meant she didn’t have to move away from the love of her life.
She had the girl next door all to herself for a full year before Wynonna ripped and roared back into town, leaving her mark and convincing Waverly, Gus and Curtis that Waverly should come live with her on the homestead. After getting to know Wynonna and confiding in her much like she imagined confiding in an older sister, she really doesn’t understand how she ever got Gus to allow it. They’ve flourished at the homestead though. Wynonna even has a steady boyfriend. Or two.
Wynonna, 5 years older than Waverly and 3 years older than herself, encouraged Nicole to come over whenever she wanted the moment she got a license. Her grandmother handed over the keys with tears in her eyes, telling her to be safe. After that, she drove out to the homestead every weekend to hang out with her best friend. Until Waverly got a boyfriend, everything was going just fine and being in love was smooth sailing. Despite the fact that they were simply best friends, Nicole had still felt replaced. The relationship had lasted longer than Nicole could have anticipated and she declined a prom invitation so she wouldn’t have to see them together.
For a while, it was just her and Wynonna. They grew closer and Wynonna easily figured out that she was in love with Waverly. In retrospect, Nicole knows she’s been pretty obvious about it. She’s pretty sure everyone knows. Except Waverly.
She remembers once when they were younger, walking from the parking lot of the school to the building, when Waverly grabbed her hand and made her dance with her all of the way to the front steps. Nicole wasn’t a very good dancer, still isn’t, but she would do anything for Waverly. She was there when no one else was, in a time before her grandmother, a time before Wynonna.
She must be lost watching Waverly, taking in the way she laughs at something one of her other friends says.
They come from different worlds, her and Waverly. The love of her life is a popular cheerleader, the nicest person in Purgatory, which is probably why she never let Nicole sit alone. It’s probably why they’re even friends at all. Meanwhile, Nicole has been an outcast for a number of reasons - basically an orphan, intimidatingly athletic, extremely gay.
Wynonna knocks a hand against her shoulder. It breaks her out of her revelry and she looks over at Wynonna. Wynonna laughs at her, not for the first time, and says, “Dude, you’re staring. It’s gross.”
“You’re gross,” Nicole volleys back.
“Dude,” Wynonna says, looking down her nose at Nicole, “You gonna tell her?”
“Tell her what exactly?” Nicole asks.
“Tell her what exactly,” Wynonna mocks in that weird, nasally voice she does, “You know.”
“Definitely not,” Nicole quickly replies.
Wynonna sighs heavily, throwing her leg over the arm of the cheap lawn chair. Nicole and Wynonna both take a drink of their shitty beer. She quickly finds herself looking over at Waverly again. This time, Waverly looks back at her. She feels both caught and seen at the same time. Waverly throws her hand in the air and shakes it, giving her that delightfully excited wave. Nicole smiles back and Waverly quickly presses a palm to Chrissy’s shoulder as she stands up.
“Oh shit,” Nicole mutters quietly, sitting upright and frantically casting a glance at Wynonna, “She’s coming over here.”
“Oh god,” Wynonna groans, “You’re a hopeless gay.”
“Hey,” Nicole says, offended, drawing out the end of the word. She feels a gust of warm wind hit her face and shifts her gaze back to in front of her. She comes face to face with Waverly’s tan thighs and she can’t help dragging her eyes slowly upwards until their eyes meet. “Hey.”
Her voice is so soft that she doesn’t even recognize it as belonging to herself. Waverly smiles down at her and repeats her before sitting down beside her on the log. They’ve sat here many times before, but something about this feels different. Summer is upon them and their lives are taking them in different directions. Or, last they had talked about it. Nicole really wasn’t sure what she wanted last they discussed it, and she still isn’t sure now.
“I like this shirt,” Waverly says, fisting the material and giving it a shake, “Is it new?”
Nicole quickly looks down at her shirt having forgotten what she’s wearing. It’s just a t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up twice, royal blue with a print of a taco in the upper left and the words tacos are tasty below it. She laughs quietly in the back of her throat. She got the shirt when she went to the mall with Waverly and Wynonna; Waverly was picking out a prom dress.
“Kind of, I guess,” Nicole mutters. She looks back at Waverly and they stare at each other. She explores Waverly’s face with her eyes and feels herself absently lick her lips. She’s pretty sure she hears Wynonna mumble for them to get a room, but she ignores it. “I can let you borrow it some time.”
Wynonna gags then.
She hears how stupid she sounds trying to literally give Waverly the shirt off of her back.
“I couldn’t pull it off like you,” Waverly says. She’s staring still, watching the way Waverly’s mouth moves. There’s a pause between them, one that is only enhanced when she feels Waverly’s fingertips skim over her forearm and tap against her wrist. “Blue really is your color.”
Nicole wants to scream. They used to talk about everything. At least before Champ, before he swooped in and stole her girl right from under her. She feels like they haven’t had a real conversation in months.
She takes a drink to keep from putting her foot into her mouth. Just then, a loud truck bounces to a stop and it turns everyone’s attention. All it takes is one look and she knows it’s Waverly’s douchebag ex-boyfriend with his posse of loser friends. From what Nicole has seen, they’ve been cordial. Maybe even friendly. Even then, Waverly always feels like she has to play the host because it’s on her land. Just like that, she feels Waverly’s hand leave her skin as she mutters that she’ll be right back.
She watches Waverly walk away, eyes tight on Waverly’s curves. She huffs in annoyance when Waverly greets Champ with a hug and he plants a sloppy kiss against her cheek. She’s pretty sure she sees Waverly’s shoulders tense in response.
“Yuck,” Wynonna announces, “I need a knife. I’m either gonna cut through this sexual tension you two have going on or stab myself.”
“What?” Nicole snaps, whipping her head around to Wynonna. Vehemently shaking her head, Nicole opens her mouth to protest but words don’t come out. Wynonna laughs and Nicole covers up her reaction with a drink.
“You really gotta tell her how you feel,” Wynonna says. Without another word, Wynonna gets out of her chair and moves around the fire towards the cooler.
Before Wynonna has another drink, Waverly is back by her side and pressing more against her than before. She makes eye contact with Wynonna who simply smirks before heading in the opposite direction of them. Taking in a deep breath, Nicole considers what it would be like to tell Waverly her deepest buried truth.
What if she tells her she likes her and It ruins their friendship forever?
What if she tells her she likes her and they go out into the real world together?
She looks over at Waverly and abandons any thoughts she has. She says, “Are you ok?”
“Yeah,” Waverly says, not convincing, “Champ just still thinks of me as his property and...”
“Do you want me to beat him up? I have all summer to let these hands heal,” Nicole says. She sets her beer can down in the dirt between her feet and holds both fists into the air, giving a few well-timed jabs for dramatic effect. “Whack!”
“Nicole,” Waverly says in that voice that tells her she’s amused but it isn’t necessary. Waverly’s elbow digs into Nicole’s thigh and the weight of her on her legs brings back memories of the first time she ever wanted to kiss her. It was years ago and she’s never moved on. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Always,” Nicole says.
“How come you’ve never had a girlfriend?”
The question shocks her. Waverly has never been too interested in how she’s felt towards someone else. Every time she had even entertained the idea Waverly would practically scream her la-la-la into the void like she didn’t really want to know. There’s never really been anyone else, not even when she’s tried. She’s wanted Waverly to be her first in everything, but it’s never worked out that way.
“The universe hates me?” Nicole replies.
“Nicole,” Waverly says again.
This time she says, evenly, “Waverly.”
“Nicole.”
“Waverly,” she says. Nicole could do this all day, say Waverly’s name, stare at her, hold her hand. Oh, they’re holding hands now. She isn’t sure when that happened, but she is absolutely not going to complain about it. She shrugs and says honestly, “I guess the right girl never came along.”
There’s some truth to the statement. The right girl has always been there but just out of reach. Nicole has given other girls a shot. Make outs here and there. A few one offs. But never anything serious. No one else has ever really compared to Waverly.
“Yeah,” Waverly agrees, “You definitely deserve the best girl.”
“I already have the best girl,” Nicole says. She squeezes Waverly’s hand that’s in hers while reaching over with her free hand to tap Waverly on the nose. Waverly squeezes her eyes shut but grins. Nicole leans in, feeling drawn to Waverly’s mouth for nearly the thousandth time, but she’s distracted when Wynonna runs by them cackling loudly. “Wynonna! What do you have?”
“A knife!” Wynonna yells, laughing.
“Shit,” They say at the same time.
She quickly drops Waverly’s hand and takes off after Wynonna. Her feet kick over her beer on her way, but she ignores it. Her athletic legs help her catch up to Wynonna in no time, but she doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. She starts yelling at Wynonna to stop, to drop the knife. It takes nearly ten minutes, but everything gets squared away.
“I’m mad at you,” Nicole mutters. They’re both sitting on the ground. She has dirt on the butt of her shorts and her palms, but the disaster on Wynonna is much worse. Wynonna laughs again. “Seriously, Wynonna, we were having a moment.”
“You’re always having a moment,” Wynonna retorts, “But you never make your fucking move. Make a fucking move, you pussy.”
“I just,” Nicole starts. She stops and sighs. Shaking her head, she finally looks over at Wynonna. “What do I say?”
“Tell her you love her,” Wynonna says, slapping Nicole on the arm, “Tell her. Tell her. Tell her.”
“It’s not that easy,” Nicole huffs.
The sun slides behind the night sky and the fire isn’t blazing as much as it could be. Nicole uses this as an out of the conversation and pushes up off of the ground. She heads off to the pile of wood to throw more onto the fire. It lights up quickly, blazing and lighting up Waverly’s face where she sits in wait. All Nicole can think about is going back to that log and picking up where they left off, but she can’t. The moment has passed.
Wynonna pushes her from behind and she takes the start to head off to the cooler for a fresh drink.
By the time she’s popped it open and takes a nerve settling gulp, she looks back at Waverly who is already occupied by a conversation with someone else.
Sighing loudly, she moves around the fire to sit by herself. She picks a spot on a log where she can still catch a glimpse of Waverly and she notices that they’ve basically switched positions from when she first arrived. She tries to catch a glimpse of who is talking to her. Nicole engages in small talk with people next to her for a good half hour, but as time goes on people get more drunk.
She’s still nursing her second beer but she really doesn’t want to cloud her mind.
Not tonight.
Not when Waverly deserves to know the truth.
Wynonna is already tipsy, borderline drunk. There’s a set of headlights back by the house and Wynonna quickly looks over her shoulder. She looks back at Nicole and throws her a thumbs up before leaving the bonfire, leaving her to her own devices.
She sighs, looking at her phone screen to get the time. It’s nearly 10:30 now. The party is loud and lively, but people are starting to give in to the alcohol.
She thinks about last year. How a select few people set up tents and crashed outside. Her and Waverly stayed up late and looked at the stars, talking about god knows what. She can’t even remember now. She just remembers waking up to Waverly pressed against her, head still on her shoulder and hasn’t stopped thinking about that feeling since.
Waverly yells her name over the music, effectively catching her attention. She’s smiling adorably by the time she reaches Nicole and immediately reaches for her hand. She tugs on her hand, silently begging her to stand with her. Nicole already knows how this is going to go.
“Come away with me,” Waverly hums.
Nicole stands and lets Waverly drag her away from everyone else. She doesn’t know where they’re going and she’s a little nervous when she looks behind her to see the fire is a tiny glow. They’re so far away from everyone else.
“Where are we going, Waves?”
“You’ll see,” Waverly says.
She looks over her shoulder at Nicole and smiles so widely that the world around her lights up. She follows and follows and follows until the glow of the fire is a little speck in the dark earth but the moon reflects off of the water. They’re by the pond, a place they’ve been to hundreds of times but never so late at night.
“Careful,” Nicole says, reaching for Waverly, “It’s so dark.”
“Trust me,” Waverly replies.
“I do,” Nicole says quickly, “You know I do.”
The music is now a hum that presses against the sounds of the earth. Waverly has always loved nature, appreciated it in the way that it deserves, in a way that Nicole just can’t. She’s heard it nearly every day and she never tires of hearing it.
They make it to the dock, their shoes echoing on the wooden boards until they reach the end. Waverly grasps onto her hand tightly as she lowers herself to the ground, insisting that Nicole join her. She feels like a pile of limbs as she sits beside Waverly, so close she can feel Waverly’s body heat.
“Finally,” Waverly says, releasing a breath, “I’ve been trying to get away from Champ all night.”
Nicole cringes at the sound of his name but the curiosity gets the better of her. She says, “What happened with him anyway?”
“He was a jerk,” Waverly huffs, waving a hand dismissively, “And I didn’t love him.”
“He wasn’t right for you anyway,” Nicole says. She thinks he didn’t love Waverly enough, he didn’t love her right.
“You just say that because you’re in love with me,” Waverly teases.
“True,” Nicole says. Her chest tightens at the admission, at baring herself for Waverly to see. Waverly laughs in response. Nicole can’t see her throat in the darkness and it makes her pout.
“I have to tell you something,” Waverly says.
“Okay,” Nicole says, nerves flaring up, “Shoot.”
“God,” Waverly says, like she opened her mouth and stuck her foot into it. She lifts her hands and covers her face, breathing louder pressed against her palms. Nicole lifts her hand and grabs for Waverly’s, slipping her fingers under there and prying her hand away.
“Tell me,” Nicole encourages, “Please.”
“It’s silly,” Waverly says.
“I’m sure it isn’t,” Nicole replies, “You know you can tell me anything.”
“It’s just,” Waverly sighs and Nicole thinks she feels the weight shift between them, “The worst part about Champ was that he wasn’t you.”
“Waverly,” Nicole says softly. She groans suddenly, frustration flowing out of her as she becomes overwhelmed with everything she wants to say. She opens her mouth when she feels Waverly tense beside her.
“I always wanted to be with you,” Waverly continues, “Everything I was doing with him, I wanted to be doing it with you.”
“Hey,” Nicole says softly, reaching up and lightly pressing her hand against Waverly’s back, “I’ll always be here for you. That isn’t going to change.”
Waverly laughs and Nicole thinks she hears the wind laugh back at her.
“What?” Nicole asks, “Why are you laughing?”
“Because you’re an idiot,” Waverly says. They are silent for a minute as she’s overcome with confusion. She doesn’t know how to respond to that, doesn’t know where this is going. “No, I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot,” Nicole quickly defends.
“Nicole?”
“Yeah?”
She realizes then what’s happening. Waverly’s angle is changing, her hands are lightly pressing against Nicole’s ribs. She’s pretty sure her heart stops beating because she definitely stops breathing. She’s surprised, stock still when all of her dreams are coming true.
Waverly’s lips lightly touch hers. They’re soft and warm. They convey so many words that Nicole’s wanted to say herself but she’s never had the courage to do so.
Finally, she realizes this isn’t just all in her head.
She starts kissing Waverly back, lifting her hand to Waverly’s hair and burying it in deep. Waverly’s hands press hard against her rib cage, digging in until she’s laying back and Waverly’s weight is on her. A piece of wood pushes against her back and she does her best to ignore it. She can’t last as long as she had envisioned with the wood digging into her spine. She always thought that when she finally got to kiss Waverly that she would never stop kissing her.
“Wait, wait,” she whispers.
“Oh, fudgenuggets,” Waverly says aloud, moving off of her, “God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know-“
“Waves, no, stop,” Nicole says, following Waverly’s lead. Desperation compels her to reach out and pull Waverly back to her. They’re nose to nose, Waverly’s knee between her thighs, her hands grasping at Waverly’s hips. “Don’t run away from me. Please.”
“I just...” Waverly trails off. She feels Waverly’s weight against her stomach, Waverly’s palms pressing into the wood of the dock beneath them. Waverly sighs, burying her face into Nicole’s neck like the time Curtis had a heart attack and couldn’t stop crying while he was having emergency surgery. Nicole’s breath hitches at Waverly’s warmth. “I’m so stupid. You’re my best friend. I shouldn’t have assumed.”
“Waves,” Nicole says again. She braces herself for every possible reaction to what she might say. Despite all of her internal screaming that the woman of her dreams just might see her that way, she has to be level-headed. She’s going to be a cop one day soon. “You’re not stupid, ok? I would never think you’re stupid.”
“I’m sorry, Nicole,” Waverly whispers.
“Hey,” Nicole replies softly. She slides a hand up Waverly’s side until she pushes her fingers into her hair. The locks are soft and her hand gets lost in the lusciousness of it all. “I’m not sorry. Believe me.”
“What?” Waverly says, lifting her head slowly to look down her nose at Nicole.
“I was kissed by a beautiful woman,” Nicole says, “I have no reason to be sorry.”
“You think I’m beautiful?”
Nicole’s heart aches at how small her voice sounds, at how she seems surprised that Nicole would think that. She’s taken aback. Waverly is the most beautiful woman she’s ever met, hands down.
“Of course I do. I’d be a fool not to,” Nicole says. Waverly smiles, but the smile looks a little sad. It doesn’t quite touch her eyes like all of her genuine smiles do. Nicole can’t help but feel it in her bones. She moves her hand to push Waverly’s hair back and out of her face, to examine her sweet gaze. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Waverly insists, voice going into a weird octave.
“It’s something,” Nicole breathes out. Her back starts to ache, the weight of Waverly on her torso pressing her into the wood. She wouldn’t dare say anything to make Waverly put distance between them though. Not when she’s right here in her arms. “I can tell.”
Nicole rubs a thumb across Waverly’s temple, searching the rest of her features to see if she figure out what’s bothering her. She comes up short, unable to discern what is wrong just by looking at her facial features. She dips her head in the slightest in an attempt to force Waverly to look at her, really look at her. Nicole wants to take that sadness away.
She surges forward again, pressing her lips against Waverly’s and holding her close. Waverly kisses her back, laughter spilling out of her and pressing against Nicole’s mouth. The laughter dies when she sinks her teeth into Waverly’s bottom lip, sweeping her tongue over the same spot. They kiss until the frogs and the crickets scream into the night air, so used to their presence that they forget they’re even there.
Waverly pulls back slowly, breathless, hands clinging to Nicole’s taco shirt.
The music in the distance has faded out and when Nicole glances behind her she realizes that the glow of the fire is even smaller.
“We should probably go back,” Nicole murmurs, “The fire is dying.”
“Only if you stay,” Waverly replies.
She hadn’t intended to stay. She was going to go home and sleep in her own bed, wallow over being in love with someone she could never have. So, yeah those plans are pretty much canceled after this.
“Only if you want me to,” Nicole says.
It takes a few minutes for them to actually stop kissing and stand up on the dock. Waverly reaches for her hand, slipping her fingers between Nicole’s. They head back towards the quiet party and she absently wonders what time it is, how much time she’ll get with Waverly before the sun rises and she’s stolen away by reality again.
Waverly leads her to a tent amidst all the others, the same tent Waverly always uses when they do this every year. Waverly releases a breath, perhaps of relief, before tugging her inside. She’s reluctant to let go of Waverly’s hand, but she zips the tent up behind them.
“I thought Chrissy would be in here,” Waverly says as they both sit down.
They kick off their shoes and situate themselves on the ground. Their positioning is familiar, Nicole on her back and Waverly pressed up against her side. She feels Waverly’s finger against her jaw, sliding along it until Nicole turns her head to look at Waverly.
Waverly traces a line from Nicole’s jaw, down her neck and to her collarbone. It tickles, it always tickles, and Nicole rolls onto her side to face Waverly. She reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind Waverly’s ear, staring at her again and again and again.
She moves her hand down Waverly’s side. Waverly arches her front into Nicole’s like it’s instinct and it nearly takes her breath away. Waverly press a soft kiss to the corner of Nicole’s mouth. Nicole smirks, leaning her forehead against Waverly’s. She feels Waverly’s hand slip lower between them and fingers press against the exposed skin at her waistline where her shirt has ridden up. Her lips part as Waverly drags her nails against Nicole’s skin, urging Nicole more into her.
They kiss again, more lips and tongues and teeth than before. All of the emotions towards Waverly that she’s buried is beginning to boil over, a sense of urgency taking over her body. Waverly’s dragging her nails across against Nicole’s skin, urging her on. It’s Waverly who moves her hand further down between them, unbuttoning Nicole’s shorts. Her breath hitches as Waverly touches just beneath the waistband of her underwear, fingers hot against Nicole’s skin.
“Is this ok?” Waverly asks.
“It’s just moving a little fast,” Nicole admits. Waverly stills in her movements, fingers splaying against her skin like a refusal to back down. Waverly’s knee hits hers, forcing its way between Nicole’s thighs again.
“I’m sorry,” Waverly says in a breath, “We can slow down.”
“My brain is just trying to catch up,” Nicole murmurs. She feels Waverly bury her face against her neck, warm breath skating against her skin and sticking there. Waverly presses a wet kiss against her throat, fleeting and warm. “You just broke up with Champ. What changed?”
This is all familiar to her - Waverly’s hands against her stomach, dropping lower and lower as intricate but innocent brushes of her fingertips paint pictures against Nicole’s skin, and her breath sticking to Nicole’s skin. Before Champ, they would cuddle and hold hands. In these moments, Nicole would tell herself it didn’t mean anything to Waverly but she would cherish it nonetheless.
Waverly moves a bit. Ear pressing into Nicole’s chest, she rests her forehead on Nicole’s chin and returns to painting a picture along her waistline with fingertips. Waverly whispers, slight disbelief in her tone, “You really don’t get it.”
“Then explain it to me,” Nicole begs, “Please.”
“It’s you, silly,” Waverly replies, voice sickening sweet. Her stomach aches at the proclamation, at the way Waverly’s palm digs into her hip harder than it ever has before. All she wants to do is pull Waverly’s mouth to hers again and kiss away all of her own doubts. Waverly smiles shyly, a smile that Nicole can barely see. “It’s always been you.”
Nicole can’t help herself. Now that it’s happened, she only craves more. And her dream girl is saying all of the things she’s always saying in Nicole’s dreams, all of the things she’s wanted to hear. Pressing a hand around to Waverly’s back, she pulls their bodies flush again and kisses Waverly hard. Waverly’s nails are back dragging across her skin, leaving their mark as she rips at Nicole’s skin in response.
She kisses Waverly with a ferocity that she’s never known before now, tongues sliding together and teeth tugging on lips. When they pull apart, breathless, she groans loudly. It breaks through the quiet world around them, and Waverly presses a laugh against the hollows of her throat in response.
Nicole groans again saying, “Ugh. That laugh. I love that laugh.”
The ground digs in to Nicole’s hip so with reluctance she falls back, flattening herself against the uneven earth. Waverly follows, hand gripping at whenever part of Nicole she can hang on to. Nicole feels the weight of Waverly on her chest and it makes her head swirl with the idea of a life they could have, talking late into the night like they always have about things they’ve dreamed they can have together. That’s a line they haven’t crossed once, in all of these years.
“This is exactly how I always imagined this night to be,” Waverly murmurs.
“Oh yeah?” Nicole probes.
“I just mean,” Waverly says with a sigh. She pauses, fingers tapping against Nicole’s stomach as her shirt begins to ride up her torso. Waverly pushes up and looks down at Nicole. All she wants to do is kiss Waverly again. “You and me. I wanted it to be just like always.”
“Oh I see,” Nicole hums, “So you didn’t want to kiss me?”
Waverly seems shy suddenly. Her fingers grasp at the front of Nicole’s shirt but their eyes don’t meet. She says, “I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”
Nicole arches her body to press her stomach even more against Waverly’s hand, reveling in the feeling. Just in case tonight is all a dream. She says, “And now that you have?”
“God,” Waverly says. Giggles bubble out of her and Nicole wishes she could dig her phone out right now to record the sound, to make it her ringtone so she could hear it every time Waverly calls her. “Kissing you is...wow.”
“Maybe Champ just sucked at it,” Nicole says, laughing quietly.
“Oh, he definitely did, but you’re way better,” Waverly says, “How did you get so good at that?”
Nicole thinks then of all of the times she made out with someone at parties when Waverly wasn’t paying attention and she never told her. She thinks about Stephanie Jones pulling her into the janitors closet. She thinks about Jennifer Smith from the Ghost River High basketball team, pulling her down a hallway and locking lips. She thinks about Brittany Jackson, begging her to take her out on a date to the nicest restaurant in town and how she bailed on her to hang out with Waverly.
She stares up at Waverly, eyes wide and full under the moonlight and fire glow. She thinks she’s holding her breath, like she’s waiting for Nicole to tell her something she never knew. Nicole could always tell her everything, except girls. She could never tell Waverly about those.
“Church camp,” Nicole says with a difficult shrug. Waverly laughs, dropping her forehead to Nicole’s collarbone. She can feel Waverly’s elbows digging into her stomach and she thinks of all of the times Waverly has wrapped Nicole’s arms around her and rested her weight against Nicole. She’s missed the familiarity of it over the last few months. “Are you laughing? Why are you laughing?”
“You at church camp?” Waverly mutters, breath sticking to Nicole’s throat, “That’s a good one.”
Nicole huffs, jokingly at first before her frustration grows. She can feel the pit of her stomach twisting and turning, breath hitching in her throat as she feels Waverly’s lips ghost across her skin. She groans a bit too loudly in response to the feeling. Pressing her hands harder against Waverly’s hips, she flips them over and settles between her thighs.
“Is this ok?” Nicole asks. Waverly seems stunned by Nicole suddenly being aggressive. She’s never much made the move on Waverly. She’s always been more of the type to suffer silently. As Waverly nods slowly, she feels a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. “Am I hurting you?”
“Never,” Waverly whispers. She almost sounds out of breath. She hears the pain in the word and she wonders what happened that Waverly isn’t telling her.
“Waves?” Nicole says. She’s tracing Waverly’s features with her gaze again, searching for answers to questions she doesn’t know how to ask. She shifts her weight so she can hold herself up with one arm to see Waverly more clearly. “Did he hurt you?”
Waverly is silent for what feels like forever. Nicole’s arms are tired by the time Waverly’s throat moves when she swallows. Waverly says, “You’re safe.”
“I’m safe,” Nicole repeats. She sighs, leaning back to put distance between them. Her mind begins reeling, thinking of all of the ways she can take this. She stops touching Waverly everywhere and the warmth of her body runs cold. “What does that mean? I’m safe?”
“Nicole,” Waverly says. She doesn’t have the energy to do this. All she wants to do is leave, tell herself that she’s an idiot for ever thinking that Waverly could love her back. She feels warmth press against her back and Waverly’s strong arms circle her waist from behind. “Please.”
“Please what, Waverly? Because I can’t help feeling that-“ She cuts herself off, afraid of saying too much or the wrong thing. She doesn’t want to hurt Waverly, not at all. She just wants to kiss her and love her and for Waverly to love her back. She sighs with her entire body, but Waverly only holds her tighter. “It isn’t fair.”
“I know,” Waverly says. Nicole isn’t entirely sure that Waverly even knows where she coming from, that Waverly can see how gutted Nicole is every time they take two steps forward and one step back. They’ve never been this close, not vocally speaking. They’ve never been on the precipice of them or of her spilling her guts, but they’ve been close before. They’ve just always kept their mouths to themselves. “I just don’t want to hurt anymore.”
“Waves,” Nicole says, her body leaning into Waverly’s front more. She bends and turns, trying to catch a glimpse of Waverly’s face in the moonlight but she can’t because Waverly is burying herself into Nicole. Waverly’s face is pressed into her spine and she thinks she might even feel a wetness touch her shirt. Instead, she drops her hands to Waverly’s arms and rubs absently, comforting the woman who has her heart the best way she’s always known how. “What is it that hurts? Let me help.”
“The idea that I don’t have you anymore,” Waverly says. It’s muffled and quiet but still manages to disturb the stillness around them. Waverly’s palm flattens against her stomach and her fingers curl into Nicole’s skin, grasping or scratching or just plain leaving their mark. “I just want you back.”
“I would,” Nicole stop talking so she can swallow. She wants to tamp down her mouth, keep herself from telling Waverly every bit of her truth. But she knows herself. She knows that Waverly has her in a way that no one else ever has. She will tell her whatever it takes to make Waverly’s pain go away. “I would wait as long as it takes for you. You know that...right?”
“You’re amazing, Nicole,” Waverly says, “But no one ever waits for me.”
Nicole’s heart breaks at that. She knows it all, about Waverly’s parents and even Wynonna, but she doesn’t know about Champ. Furthermore, she’s afraid to find out because she will kick his ass if she ever finds out he hurt Waverly.
“Did he hurt you?” Nicole tried again.
“No,” Waverly says as she shakes her head slowly. She lifts her chin and places it on Nicole’s shoulder. Nicole turns her head, her eyes seeking out the truth. She feels it then, Waverly’s hand slip under the hem of her shirt to brush over her bare stomach. “He made me realize what I want, what I had.”
“What do you want?” Nicole says. She holds her breath, waiting for the response.
“Nicole,” Waverly says, a certain desperation in her voice, “I can’t do this.”
Nicole sighs. She says, “Ok, well...”
Waverly’s grasp loosens and suddenly she’s gone, laying back on the hard ground. Nicole turns to look down at Waverly. She wants to reach out to comfort her but she feels lost now. She doesn’t know what Waverly wants, what she’s expected to do.
“It’s going to be too hard to leave you,” Waverly says. Nicole thinks she can hear her crying, the tears sliding onto the material beneath them. All she wants to do is make everything better for Waverly. “Stay with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Nicole says. She reaches out and runs a hand along Waverly’s stomach, fingers sticking to her exposed torso. She doesn’t know what comes over her, but she leans down to place a kiss right next to Waverly’s belly button. “I’m right here, baby.”
She says it out of habit, out of the countless times she’s heard Wynonna call her baby girl, out of all of the times she teased her for it, out of all of the times when Waverly wasn’t feeling 100% put together she would comfort her and soothe her. Their friendship, Nicole has realized, is dysfunctional and co-dependent and a little bit like being in love. Everyone around them has noticed and when Waverly started dating Champ, Nicole wasn’t the only one confused.
She presses her weight against Waverly’s stomach, resting her head on her. The ground beneath her digs in to every inch of her that it can. Waverly rubs her hands through her hair and Nicole’s heart tightens in her chest. She feels like she’s been set on fire and she’s burning and burning and burning except she hopes no one ever puts her out.
They are quiet for a few minutes. The world around them chirps and croaks and giggles while Nicole sets up camp to revel in Waverly’s touch. The tent really isn’t big enough for her to spread out like this, with a hand tracing shapes into Waverly’s stomach and her cheek pressed against her sternum.
“Hey,” Waverly whispers, breaking the comfortable silence that has settled between them. Nicole stills in her movements, lifting herself off of Waverly to look up at her. She silently encourages her to speak, not wanting to ruin Waverly’s train of thought. “Do you think you could just hold me for awhile?”
“Of course,” Nicole says. She doesn’t hesitate to move. Her phone in her pocket jabs her thigh so she takes a moment to dig it out as Waverly turns her position into the little spoon. Laying the phone on the ground above their heads, Nicole quickly settles in behind her and gives Waverly what she wants. “This good?”
“Yeah,” Waverly murmurs. Waverly’s head is on her bicep, hair tickling her chin. Her own hand is pressed against Waverly’s stomach but she’s forced to move it when Waverly tug on it, wrapping her fingers around Nicole’s and hugging it to her chest. “It’s perfect.”
Nicole nods, slowly nuzzling her nose against the back of Waverly’s neck. She slips her ankle between Waverly’s muscular calves and entwines their legs. She just wants to feel connected. She knows Waverly does, too. Waverly grasps on to her hand tightly, sliding their fingers together.
They are quiet again. She hears the giggles in a tight nearby get replaced by some noises she would rather not be hearing. It sounds sloppy and wet and it reminds her of Waverly kissing her even though that was not sloppy or wet. It starts eating at her, the why now of it all.
“Why now?” Nicole asks, “Why’d you kiss me now?”
Waverly doesn’t answer her right away, like she knows if she does it’ll ruin whatever they have going on right now. Nicole knows it will. She knows it could go either way. It could make or break them in that sense. Not that Nicole could ever truly let Waverly go.
“Because,” Waverly starts. She hesitates again, moving in Nicole’s arms. Waverly’s upper arm slides against her chest as Waverly rolls onto her back, looking up at Nicole, but never letting go of her hand. “I wanted to know if there was something there.”
“Oh,” Nicole breathes. She feels her insides screaming because her logic is telling her that Waverly keeps kissing her for a reason. Nicole wants to kiss her again, but she doesn’t want to feel the ache if Waverly changes her mind. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure,” Waverly whispers.
Nicole’s mind blanks for a moment. She should be doing something. She should be...kissing Waverly or telling her everything she’s ever wanted to say. She should be breathing.
Nicole swallows and leans in, brushing her nose against Waverly’s. She watches as Waverly’s eyelids flutter slowly, like she’s preparing herself for Nicole to kiss her. Their breath mingles in the space between their lips, and Nicole quickly etches this feeling into her brain. She places a kiss against Waverly’s mouth, lips warm and soft.
The kiss deepens, her tongue sweeping across Waverly’s slightly partied lips. Waverly lets go of her hand and reaches up. She feels her fingers curl around her ear, Waverly’s thumb tracing the shell of Nicole’s ear. She absently wonders if Waverly knows what that does to her, what it’s always done to her, how it’s made her weak and even shudder a little. She wonders if Waverly has been oblivious to the facade or if she’s known all along.
She’s out of breath and her lungs are on fire when she pulls back. The sound of Waverly panting floods her ears and all of the outside noises cease to exist. She stares down at Waverly, trying to remember the glassy lust filled look she has in them now.
“What time is it?” Waverly asks her.
She feels Waverly’s hands at her rib cage, tickling her skin with every movement as she they skate a ruthless trail to her waist. Nicole unsticks herself, looking up above Waverly’s head and reaching for her phone. She lights the screen up to get the time, the bright 3:42 blaring large with a text sent from Wynonna hours ago missed that simply calls her a pussy. They’ve spent the last few hours kissing and cuddling and just being together. Nicole can hardly believe she’s missed out on all of this, this feeling of love, for her entire life.
“It’s late,” Nicole says, letting her screen darken again before she drops the phone, “Or early.”
“Did Wynonna text you?” Waverly asks. She realizes then that Waverly had followed her movements, looked at the picture of them as her background where Waverly is throwing the peace sign while leaning against her and she’s doing her best to keep it together. She wonders what Waverly’s is now, if it’s something different than it used to be.
“Uh, yeah,” Nicole says, feeling a little caught off guard.
“She’s going to die when I tell her,” Waverly replies.
“Tell her what?” Nicole asks.
Waverly turns again, pulling Nicole’s arm with her and wrapping it around her waist. She says, “That I told you how I feel.”
It dawns on Nicole then that she didn’t. Neither of them did. Neither of them said much of anything that indicates any kind of certainty about their feelings. She laughs softly as she buries her face into Waverly’s neck. She peppers a few kisses against Waverly’s skin and she simple place a smiling kiss against Nicole’s knuckles in return.
“But you didn’t,” Nicole whispers, “Neither of us have really said anything too substantial.”
“I’m scared, Nicole,” Waverly admits. Her voice gets swallowed in the darkness. Nicole hates that she can't force Waverly to look into her eyes in this position, that she can't tell Waverly to trust her with her entire being. Instead, Nicole drops a kiss to Waverly's neck. “You’re my favorite person in the whole entire world.”
Nicole wants to argue that Wynonna would take the cake. It’s Wynonna who works her ass off to make sure Waverly can do all of the things she wants. It’s Wynonna who took extra shifts to make sure Waverly got that glistening, cherry red Jeep she wanted. But it’s Nicole who she called any time she and Wynonna would fight. It’s Nicole who would hold her all night as she cried about Wynonna being reckless.
“You’re mine too,” Nicole replies. She thinks about all of the times Wynonna has called her out for not just telling Waverly how she really feels. Wynonna, she knows, is right, and tonight is the night that if she doesn’t tell her then she may never get another chance to tell her at all. “Waves, I...”
Her voice gets caught in her throat as she second guesses herself. This might not be the right moment. Waverly deserves someone who wouldn’t put her in this position, someone who wouldn’t make her break their heart. She’s the nicest person she knows.
“Nicole,” Waverly hums, shifting in her arms again; she feels Waverly’s eyes on her and she says, “Just say it. You can tell me anything.”
She hears Wynonna calling her a pussy like it’s a broken record. She sighs loudly and throws herself onto her back. She thinks she lands on a rock and winces at the sharp edge digging into her shoulder. Waverly follows her movements and presses a hand against her stomach, sliding her palm over her torso where her shirt has ridden up.
Nicole covers her eyes, afraid to look Waverly directly into them. She digs her palms in until she sees stars. She swallows thickly and says, “I’m in love with you, Waverly.”
The world around her starts spinning in the silence. Waverly’s hand is still warm on her stomach, fingers absently tapping out some beat that feels familiar. She squeezes her eyes shut tightly until she sees stars, wishing she could take the words back. Everything feels warm and raw, especially with the way that Waverly isn’t exactly running away from her right now.
“Nicole,” Waverly says softly. She feels Waverly’s hand leave her stomach and wrap around her hand, trying to remove it from her eyes. Nicole just can’t face Waverly right now. “Hey, look at me.”
She can hear Waverly’s subtle whine, a desperation as she tries to make Nicole look at her. Slowly, she gives in and with a huff moves her hands. She looks up at Waverly, hovering over her with the softest eyes and the warmest smile. She feels Waverly’s hand on her stomach again, sweeping shapes around her skin.
“We’ve always been honest with each other,” Waverly says. She feels Waverly’s hand stop moving against her stomach, but she thinks she can see the universe in her eyes. “I want to be with you, Nicole.”
“You...do?” Nicole replies, all of the air leaving her lungs.
“God yes,” Waverly says, voice raising in such a sexy manner that Nicole nearly loses all coolness she thought she had. Waverly pushes her shirt up just a bit more and begins sweeping her thumb over Nicole’s pointed ribcage. “I don’t know why I just couldn’t let myself believe that what I felt for you is what I actually feel. I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” Nicole says quickly, hearing a quiver in Waverly’s voice. She reaches up and cups Waverly’s cheek. Lifting her back off of the ground, she places a kiss at the corner of Waverly’s mouth. She really isn’t sure where all of this weird confidence came from. “Come on. Don’t be sorry. You don’t have to be sorry. I get it. It’s hard. It’s a...it’s a process.”
“Yeah,” Waverly says. A breath follows her word, like she feels like she doesn’t deserve to hear kindness. She shakes her head slowly and Nicole wipes at the tears spilling onto her cheeks. “God, it isn’t fair. We shouldn’t be doing this. Not tonight. Not when I’m leaving so soon.”
“I want to,” Nicole says. She sits up slowly, Waverly’s hand falling into her lap. She keeps one hand on Waverly’s face and moves the other around her shoulders to pull her into her arms. She embraces Waverly, letting her tears fall and stick to Nicole’s neck. “I think we need to have the conversation, Waves.”
Waverly nods slowly. She can feel Waverly’s breath against the tears she’s left st her throat. She shivers at the cold, but Waverly then clasps to her tightly like she’s trying to hang on.
“When do you leave?” Nicole asks.
“In the morning,” Waverly replies. Both of their voices are small in the vastness of space around them, even in the enclosure of the tent. The noise from the rest of the bonfire party goers have seemed to die down, and she can only hear a few sharp whispers. She tilts her head back and looks up at the slither or moon peaking in from the top of the tent, battling the tears gathering her eyes. Waverly is leaving right on the cusp of something great. “Jesus, I’m sorry, Nicole. I’m so sorry.”
“Listen,” Nicole says, snapping her head down and tilting Waverly’s chin up so she can look into her eyes, “You’re going to go there and you’re going to do something great. And when you come back, I’ll still be here.”
“I can’t ask you to-“
“Well, I’m going to,” Nicole interjects. She sighs heavily, dropping her hand from Waverly’s chin. She shakes her head lightly and looks away, down at her hand as she feelings Waverly’s fingertips brush her own. “If you think I could ever move on knowing that you feel this way about me, well then...”
“Then?” Waverly asks, sounding desperate to Nicole’s ears.
Curling her fingers around Waverly’s, she looks back into Waverly’s warm eyes and offers her a reassuring smile. Nicole leans forward and softly kisses Waverly against her jaw, letting her lips linger for a few moments. She places a few more along her sharp jawline, creating a trail to just below her ear.
“Do you trust me?” Nicole whispers into Waverly’s ear.
When Waverly pulls back, her lips are parted and there’s a slight glint to her eyes that shine in the moonlight. Nicole can barely see it, but she’s sure that the tears are there. Waverly leans her forehead against Nicole’s and she nearly gets a kiss placed against her mouth. Waverly nails at the last second.
Waverly says, “Probably more than anyone.”
“I’m not going to forget you just because you’re gone for a little while,” Nicole says. She thinks of all of the moments they spent like this, curled up with each other talking about everything and nothing. “Do you remember last year at this thing?”
“When we stayed up all night?” Waverly asks.
“Yeah,” Nicole says, “I wanted to kiss you then, Waverly. I want to kiss you now. And I’ll want to kiss you when you get back.”
“Nicole,” Waverly says through a laugh.
Nicole blinks twice before she sees tears sliding down Waverly’s cheeks.
She wraps both arms around Waverly and mutters a heartfelt, “Oh, baby. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.”
Nicole’s trying to be strong and not let her own tears fall despite the fact that her heart has been clenches for hours or days or weeks. She’s felt off kilter for months, since Waverly started dating Champ, and opted to just make it through. She’s spent those months working and saving for a future she’s given lots of consideration to, a future she wishes she had gotten to choose with Waverly but hadn’t.
As Waverly’s tears dry up, her hands clinging to Nicole in one way another, Nicole feels her stomach tighten. Waverly pulls back finally and looks up at her, eyes a little puffy and lips a little swollen. She says, “How did you get to be so perfect?”
“Oh, I’m not,” Nicole denies. She pulls her legs towards her, knees closer to her chest. She looks straight ahead as she leans her elbows against them, resting her tired and aching body from being tilted in Waverly’s direction. “You just mean so much to me, Waves.”
“I know,” Waverly says, leaning into Nicole. She feels Waverly settle beside her, hip to hip, and slide her arm around Nicole’s. Waverly rests her chin against Nicole’s upper arm, putting her weight there. “I know I do. But, like, you’ll really wait for me?”
“Forever and a day,” Nicole promises.
They sit like that until Nicole’s legs cramp up. She moves to stretch them out and as she does this, she turns to place a kiss against the crown of Waverly’s head. The rest of the grounds are silent now, any other wayward voices having disappeared to indicate those fighting sleep have finally stopped. Nicole, although feeling exhausted, can’t bring herself to even try because she’ll miss a waking moment with the woman of her dreams.
She lays back again, careful to miss the sharp edged rock, and Waverly seems to follow her rather quickly. She feels Waverly drape her arm across her waist before sliding up to Nicole’s side. She marvels in how well Waverly fits against her, curling into her side as easily as she always has. As Waverly’s hand begins to wander, sweeping over her stomach and her ribs and even skimming over the bottom of her breast, she feels Waverly press a kiss to her neck. Her tears are still sticking to her face, dabbing against Nicole’s skin.
“Are you going to miss me?” Waverly says.
Nicole thinks she’s done a pretty great job of keeping it together until now. Her eyes begin to blur with fresh tears, tears she won’t let fall. Hand moving back down to her stomach, pulling Nicole’s shirt up, Nicole sucks in a deep breath in response as she tries to keep herself in check.
“You know I will,” She replies.
Waverly’s hand slips further up Nicole’s shirt, the edges riding up to the bottom of her rib cage. Waverly leans down and presses a kiss to Nicole’s stomach before doing something she’s never done before. It takes everything within Nicole not to completely blank and stay in the moment as Waverly straddles her waist. Reaching for both hands and entwining the fingers together, Waverly smiles at her a different kind of smile she’s ever seen pointed in her direction from Waverly.
The weight of Waverly on her torso feels different, especially as she pushes Nicole’s hands to the ground beneath them and leans down. Her lips are parted in wait for Waverly’s kiss, ready to give in to the desires she’s tamped down over the years. Waverly’s been touching her and teasing her, lighting her skin on fire and now that she knows the truth about her feelings she doesn’t think she can say no.
“I’ll miss you,” Waverly whispers.
She feels Waverly’s nose brush along the bridge of hers, the feeling stealing her breath away. When Waverly finally kisses her, it’s with a breath on her lips then a tongue that Nicole rises to meet. It’s teasing and sloppy, with her fingers tightening in their locked hands. She arches her entire body into the kiss, showing Waverly just how much she wants her.
Nicole is tired. Tired of fighting her feelings. Tired of being levelheaded.
Prying her hands from Waverly’s, she flips them over and pins Waverly to the ground beneath her. She settles between Waverly’s legs, parted and drawing her closer, so she grounds her hips hard against Waverly’s until she’s squeaking. As if on instinct, Waverly wraps her legs around Nicole’s waist and reaches down to pull on Nicole’s shirt by the hem of it. She misplaces her weight with the movement, but the fire and passion keeps her from crushing Waverly whose hands quickly skate down Nicole’s ribcage.
Waverly’s nails dig into her skin in response, leaving marks as she pushes her hands around Nicole’s shoulders. She groans against Waverly’s cheek. She says, “Jesus, Waves.”
They’re kissing again, hot and wet and desperate. The taste of Waverly’s lip gloss sticks to her mouth and she kisses Waverly with everything that’s inside of her. She wants to show Waverly everything she’s ever felt, that she does love her and she will wait for her if that’s what she wants.
She pulls back, lungs aching for fresh air. Waverly’s hands never leave her, but she moves her owner to push Waverly’s shirt up and slip her hands beneath. Waverly giggles as Nicole’s fingertips tickle her rib cage. Nicole places a chaste kiss against Waverly’s throat.
“I’ll wait for you,” Nicole whispers, breathless, “If you want me to.”
“I want you to,” Waverly pleads, “I want you to. Please.”
“I will,” Nicole says, “We can be together when you come back.”
“I want that,” Waverly says.
Nicole lays kisses against Waverly’s exposed skin, everywhere she can place them on. When she pulls back to look down into Waverly’s eyes, she notices that the coloring in them is a lot easier to depict now. She expels a breath, pushing the weight off of Waverly with her hands leaving Nicole’s body. She catches a pout on Waverly’s pretty mouth and all she wants to do is lay there and kiss her forever.
“What time do you need to be at the bus station?” Nicole asks, disturbing the moment between them.
Waverly leans up, pressing her body against Nicole’s and dipping her hands into the curve of her hips. Absently, Nicole thinks about how easy it is for them to dance around each other, even with their bodies moving close together. As Nicole reaches for her shirt, Waverly catches her lips again and kisses them soundly. She’s adequately distracted from the task of getting herself socially acceptable again. She pulls away from the kiss quickly, shifting all of her weight onto her knees, and places kisses along the column of Waverly’s throat before moving to her neck and collarbone. She leaves a gentle mark against Waverly’s skin, silently staking her claim.
“By seven,” Waverly answers, “We should probably get going.”
Nicole can hear the unshed tears in her voice and leans back to search her face. Her gaze traces Waverly’s features in search for an indication that she’s ok, but she won’t dare ask the question. She knows that in reality Waverly isn’t ok because she isn’t ok.
“Hey,” Nicole utters gently, “I’m going to miss you so damn much.”
“Nicole,” Waverly whines. She sees instantly the reaction in Waverly’s body language, a sadness washing over her at Nicole’s confession. Mentally kicking herself, she grasps her shirt tightly in her hand reaches out to cup Waverly’s face. “I didn’t...”
“It’s ok,” Nicole says. She places a chaste kiss against Waverly’s lips then her forehead before pulling her into a tight hug. Waverly’s hands are colder than just a few minutes before as they press against her skin. She says, “Everything will work out. I’ll miss you. You’ll miss me. And when you get back, we can finally be together.”
She silently adds an If Waverly wants to for good measure, maybe just to keep herself in check. Once releasing Waverly, she reaches for her phone and sees that it’s nearing 6:20. She sighs heavily before shoving her phone into her pocket and pulling her shirt back on.
“Take me to the bus station,” Waverly requests, “I’m not quite ready to say goodbye.”
“Of course,” Nicole says with a nod.
Her heart squeezes tightly at the thought of Waverly surrounded by strangers in the middle of nowhere, helping those less fortunate than themselves. It’s something she’s always dreamed of doing, with her generous heart and big smile. Although Nicole is proud, she still wants to be selfish and ask her to stay.
They both pull on their shoes before unzipping the tent to head towards the house to get Waverly’s bags. On their trek, she sees Waverly shiver and reaches out to pull her closer in an effort to pass along her warmth. Waverly’s fighting tears again and losing, a few loose tears sticking to her neck and trickling down to her collarbone.
When they get inside, Wynonna’s boyfriend (or one of them) is sipping on a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Waverly offers him a sad smile before heading up the stairs, leaving Nicole alone to stand in the entryway with Dolls completely ignoring her existence. Quickly, Waverly comes back down with a massive backpack and leaves it at the bottom of the stairs. He doesn’t hesitate to get up then, moving across into the living room to pick up the bag.
“Yours?” He asks, glancing at Nicole.
“Yeah,” she says.
She feels the tears come rushing back again as Waverly leaves the room. She heads towards Wynonna’s bedroom and is gone for a few minutes. By the time she’s returned, Dolls is back at the kitchen table drinking his coffee and reading the paper. She goes into the kitchen and gives him a quick hug goodbye before returning to Nicole. Nicole feels Waverly wrap her fingers around her own and pull her outside to her old, reliable Chevy Celebrity wagon. She makes sure Waverly is situated in the car before going around to the driver side and starting the vehicle.
The car ride to the bus station is nearly silent save for a few sniffles that seem to echo around the car louder than the radio. She feels badly, reaching over to grab Waverly’s hand. She smooth her thumb across Waverly’s knuckles and tries to soothe her, but she realizes nothing can quell the sadness when Waverly kisses her hand before clutching it to her chest. After parking the car, she unbuckles her seatbelt and scoot closer to Waverly to hold her close. She’s sobbing the moment Nicole pulls her into her arms. They sit like that for a few moments as Nicole drops a few kisses to Waverly’s forehead or temple, alternating until she stops crying.
When the tears have subsided, they climb out of the car. She chances a glance at her phone for the time as she heads back to retrieve Waverly’s bag and sees they are left with just 10 minutes before she has to board. Once she closes the back of the vehicle, backpack strap in hand, she reaches for Waverly with her free hand. She pulls Waverly, wearing Nicole’s jacket she got out of the car now, into her and wraps and arm around her again. Holding her tightly, she tries to memorize this feeling just in case it’s the last time. With that thought in mind, she can’t just let her go.
“I love you, ok?” Nicole says, pulling back to look at Waverly’s face.
She smiles softly, a weak attempt at trying to keep Waverly’s tears at bay. Moving her hand to the back of Waverly’s neck, she pulls her in for a kiss. It’s soft and it feels like a promise for a future that she’s always wanted. Waverly’s warm tears transfer to her cheeks and mixes with her own tears that she suddenly realizes are falling. She feels Waverly’s hands grasp her hips, hanging on tightly for hope. Slowly, they part.
“I love you, too,” Waverly whispers, “I’ll be back soon.”
“I know,” Nicole says.
She walks Waverly over to the bus and begrudgingly hands over the bag. As Waverly climbs on, Nicole paints on her best smile as the love of her life walks away from her. She chokes back the tears until the bus is out of sight.
All she sees is Waverly Earp waving at her from her bus window with tears streaming down her face.