Chapter Text
The sun awakes, birds chirping outside the bedroom window, sun rays beaming through the open windows. Hoseok stretches his arms above his head, yawning as he feels his muscles being pulled, waking himself up from his beauty sleep. It’s almost as if he’s in a Disney movie, all he needs to do is start bursting out into song. He opens his eyes and rolls over on his side, checking his clock on the nightstand beside him. It’s 8:00 am and he’s never felt better. He jumps out of bed, yawning once more before he grabs his phone off of his nightstand. He checks it, smiling at the picture on his lock screen. A picture of him and a life-long friend. The two of them grew up together, they did everything together. But for some reason, when Hoseok looks at his screen this morning, he can’t help but feel longing, hurt, and something more that he can’t quite reach.
After scrolling through his Twitter feed, he walks out of his room and brews some coffee, and makes some eggs for his breakfast. Everything is peaceful.
That is until Hoseok is abruptly woken up by his blaring alarm clock, banging his head on the old headboard of his bed. He’s not in a nice, furnished house with freshly brewed coffee, and sunshine beaming through the windows. He’s in his dorm room. His old, shitty dorm room.
Hoseok is just a lonely university student who’s struggling to pay his tuition and failing his classes. He barely has enough money from his job to get by for the month. To be honest, Hoseok has thought about dropping out for a few weeks now, the stress and anxiety of having so much debt putting too much of a burden on his shoulders to act like a fully functioning adult.
So, Hoseok gets out of his bed, rubbing out the sleep that still lingers in his eyes. He yawns and slides on his slippers, checking his phone in the process, nothing but a picture of a sunset on his lock screen. It’s 6:48 am. His once barely-even-open eyes now turn wide and Hoseok is very much awake. It’s 6:48 am and his shift at work starts in twelve minutes. And he hasn’t even showered yet, much less brushed his teeth.
A string of curse words fall from his mouth as he leaps to his closet, picking out the first thing he sees, which might be a mistake, but right now Hoseok couldn’t care less about breaking fashion rules. He quickly gets dressed, brushes his teeth, and grabs a banana on his way out the front door, somehow all in only ten minutes.
He’s still late for work, his supervisor glaring at him as he enters the building.
“Sleep in again, Hoseok?” She asks, crossing her arms as she speaks.
“...yes. I’m sorry, I’ll make up time if-”
“No. Just get to work, we need to open in ten.” She interrupts. Hoseok’s supervisor might seem strict, but she has given him a lot of leeway when he messes up. Which at this point is too much to count.
Hoseok heads towards the back of the store and puts his belongings in his locker, stashing them away until the end of the day, working eight hours today since it’s the weekend.
The day goes on rather slowly, customers coming and going. His breaks pass by way too fast, his eyelids getting heavy as the sun starts to set, only one hour of his shift left.
“Hello, did you find everything okay?” Hoseok asks the next customer in the same dry tone he’s been using all day, not even bothering to look up, still tired from barely getting any sleep the night before.
“Mhm, I’m super excited for this Christmas. It’s gonna be really fun.” The customer responds cheerfully.
Ah, yes. Christmas. You could say Hoseok was a bit of a scrooge when it comes to Christmas. It’s always been his least favorite holiday, he’s not sure why. Maybe it’s because he’s always alone, his family never invites him over and all of his friends seemed to forget about him. So whenever Hoseok sees happy family gatherings and friends getting together, he can’t help but feel something burning in the pit of his stomach.
It isn’t until now that Hoseok really notices how alone he is. His family has completely shut him out of their lives, and his friends have slowly distanced themselves as well for a reason Hoseok’s not so sure of. Maybe it’s because Hoseok likes to distance himself. Maybe it’s because all he’s been focusing on is work and school. Maybe he’s just not good enough. All he knows is that’s he’s alone. And he doesn’t like it.
It takes a few seconds and the customer’s mouth dropping open to realize he had just said that out loud. Precisely the words: I really am a lonely piece of shit, aren’t I?
He’s screwed.
All it would take is for the customer to make a complaint to his boss and then he’s gone. Fired. Just like that. But he’s had far more embarrassing stories than this, so he should be fine. Except he isn’t. Because when the customer looks back up with his big, round doe eyes, he says, “Well, why don’t you come to this Christmas party my friends and I are throwing? It won’t be big, so I’m sure you’d enjoy it.”
It isn’t until now that he realizes this customer is actually a classmate from university. Jeon Jeongguk, he thinks.
“Oh, uhhh...sure.” He responds, not even recognizing that words had come past his lips. He slaps a hand over his mouth, not doing much with the mask present. Did he seriously just say he’d go to a party with a bunch of people he doesn’t even know? In the middle of a pandemic? Yes, yes he did. And now Jeongguk’s giving him his phone number with more information about the party.
“See you around, Hoseok-ssi!” Jeongguk says excitedly, waving a hand in Hoseok’s direction and bouncing off with his Christmas decorations.
“Yeah...see you around, Jeongguk.”
****
At the end of the day, Hoseok finally makes it back to his dorm, throwing his backpack, along with himself, onto his bed. He lands face down into his pillow and lets out a long groan.
“Fuck.” He turns over and looks over at his phone, which he had tossed on his nightstand before he face-planted into his bed. He had completely forgotten about Jeongguk until now. But with nothing but his thoughts filling the room, that realization hits Hoseok in the face.
That’s right. Hoseok had agreed to go to a party in the middle of a pandemic with a bunch of people he doesn’t even know. Good job, Hoseok. You’ve done it this time. Maybe he should text Jeongguk and tell him he can’t go after all. Yeah, that’s right, that’s what he’ll do.
He props himself on his elbows and grabs his phone, pulling the piece of paper out of his pocket that Jeongguk gave him, scribbled with information and his phone number. He quickly enters it in on his phone and...stares. Hoseok doesn’t know why he’s not doing anything, fingers hovering above the keyboard, just itching to move, but he can’t. It’s not that he doesn’t know what to say, he has the exact words planned in his head: Hey, Jeongguk I’m not gonna be able to make it to your party after all. Have fun though! So why can’t he bring himself to say it? Why is it that every time he tries to text him, his fingers just hover aimlessly above the letters on the bottom of his screen, waiting for him to decide to start moving?
Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to see the disappointed look on the younger’s face when he walks into class tomorrow. Not like he’ll be able to actually see his face with a mask on, but it’s still there. And Hoseok has a vivid imagination. A very vivid imagination.
So instead he texts Jeongguk to ask for more details because that way he won’t hurt his feelings. That way Hoseok won’t feel bad. Which might be a little selfish, considering he’s going to end up saying no anyway, but Hoseok is a very selfish person. It’s not like he tries to be, but he is. It’s something that he can’t help. He wants to protect himself. He can’t meet new people, not after what’s happened. But Hoseok doesn’t want to think about that right now; instead, he throws his phone to the side and closes his eyes, stretching his arms out to the side as far as his twin-sized bed will let him, escaping the real world and letting his mind rest, drifting into a deep sleep.