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Five Going on 30

Summary:

It’s Five’s thirteenth birthday, and all he ever wanted was to be Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving.

Be careful what you wish for, Five.

[13 Going on 30 AU]

Notes:

This is dedicated to Clover and Tori, who deserve gold medals for keeping me sane as I write my first multi-chapter story. I appreciate your support as I spam my thoughts into the DMs, and I really couldn't have made it this far without you both! <3

Clover - I wouldn’t be posting this had I not stumbled upon your brilliant idea of a 13 Going on 30 AU for Fiveya. You’re such a talented writer and artist! Check out her art on Tumblr at liquidsparks.

Tori - You work so hard for the Fiveya community and I am still absolutely floored by how you constantly spoil us with all of your fantastic fics. You’re amazing! You can also follow them on Tumblr at fiveyaaas.

-

This is my submission for the Fiveya Week Prompt - Free Choice. For those who have watched 13 Going On 30, there will be scenes and dialogues that you'll recognize from the movie, but you’ll also find twists and turns along the way. I hope you enjoy the ride with me!

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1: Operation T.F.T.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Five shifted uncomfortably on the stool, a few moments away from getting his high school picture taken. As he waited for the photographer to adjust the lighting, he stared across the room of the gymnasium, catching sight of his high school emblem. 

The Umbrella Academy: Ut Malum Pluvia

And right below it, a banner that read, “Go Sparrows!”

It had been a few months into his freshman year, and he still hadn’t found any logical correlation between his school name and mascot. Then again, a sparrow was much more appealing compared to an umbrella with a cartoon face slapped onto it.

“Now, look right up at the camera, okay? Here we go.” The photographer instructed in a monotone voice, standing behind the camera. “Can you tilt your head a bit to the right, Clive?” 

“It’s Five,” Five corrected, following the man’s instruction.

“Look over here, Clive.” The photographer tapped at the lens. “Right here.”

“I said it’s Five,” he clarified louder, adjusting the blazer of his school uniform before resting his hands on his lap. 

“Alright, perfect. Nice smile, Clive.” The photographer hunched behind the camera, lifting his fingers as he began counting down. “In three, two, one.”

Oh for Christ’s sake.

Five snarled, “It’s Fi—!”

Flash.

 


 

Fuck.

Five lifted up his Picture Day photo, staring at the terrifying way his eyes bulged and his mouth widened. There had to be make-up photos, right? He would rather chew off his own foot than allow this photo to see the light of day, especially in his freshman high school yearbook. 

As the school bell rang, Five slowly walked down the hallway towards the exit, keeping his eyes on the envelope that contained exactly twelve copies of his awful photo. Surely fire would be the best option to hide the evidence, but he wondered how he could get away with it without his mother noticing. Five suddenly felt an arm wrap around his neck, bringing him close. He tensed, quickly pressing the envelope against his chest to hide the image, but he immediately relaxed as soon as he realized who it was. 

“Say cheese!” Vanya prompted with a grin. Her braces sparkled against the fluorescent lighting of the hallway while she adjusted the position of the disposable camera in front of them.

Five awkwardly curved his lips upward, facing forward. After hearing a soft click, he let out a breath. “No more pictures, V.”

He had enough of them for today.

“Come on, can you try not being crabby for one second?” Vanya lifted the disposable camera higher. “It’s your thirteenth birthday! I promised your mom I’d document every moment of it while we were at school.”

Five shook his head, but smiled nonetheless. Vanya Belyaev had been his best friend and next door neighbor since preschool. When their parents had set up their first playdate, Vanya had patiently listened to his four-year-old self ranting about his extreme hatred for Twinkies after he had gotten a terrible case of food poisoning. He instantly took a liking to her once she had voiced her solidarity by promising that she would never eat a Twinkie again. 

According to his mother, Grace, that was all it took for his younger self to break his piggy bank in order to gather enough nickels and dimes to propose to Vanya with a Ring Pop, knowing that his future wife had to also dislike Twinkies in order for the marriage to work out. Five insisted it be a Ring Pop because Vanya didn't like carrots. (At the time, he thought that’s what carats meant.) They’ve been inseparable ever since.

It was an embarrassing memory that he decided not to disclose to Vanya. Five wouldn't even have remembered it had it not been for his mom mentioning the story when they had passed the pile of Ring Pops in the candy aisle last week. 

“So how'd your picture turn out?” Vanya asked curiously, carefully placing the disposable camera into her backpack.

Five grimaced, looking around to ensure no one else was nearby before handing her the envelope. “See for yourself.”

Vanya covered her mouth to hold in her laughter, but it proved useless once she let out a snort. “Five, what happened?”

“The photographer’s a moron was what happened,” Five scowled. “He kept calling me Clive, Vanya. Do you know how infuriating that is?”

“Just take a make-up photo, Clive,” Vanya teased, earning her another disgruntled look from Five. “I think retakes are in two weeks.”

“Yeah, well, it better not be the same...” Five’s voice trailed off, catching sight of the group of teenagers down the hallway. 

Five Hive was the most popular clique in the Umbrella Academy, consisting of five members: Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, and Ben. Luther was known to be the leader of the group with his tall, physical presence alone making him stick out like a sore thumb, but quite honestly, Five believed that Allison and Klaus were the two forces to be reckoned with. Allison was known for sweet-talking just about anyone to give her what she wanted while Klaus used his perception and wit to get away with any sticky situation he threw themselves into. Diego was more brazen, using his boisterous nature to steal the spotlight, especially from Luther. Ben seemed to be the most passive in their group, always having his nose buried in a new book instead of participating in their antics. They were the powerhouses of the school, which was undeniably clear by how the other students naturally formed a pathway for them as they walked down the hall.

And they were coming his way.

“Shit,” Five cursed under his breath, quickly snatching the envelope from Vanya and fumbling to stuff it into his backpack.

He immediately straightened up after doing so, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

“Hey,” Five coolly said with a nod once they had approached him and Vanya, the group responding with greetings of their own. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, making a conscious effort to keep his tone low and even. Five was horrified to discover that his voice had started cracking, Vanya cackling for ten whole minutes when he had asked her to pass the stapler while doing their homework.

“Hey Train Tracks,” Diego called, eyes directed at Vanya. “How’s it like at the station lately?”

Five and Vanya quietly exchanged glances. Ever since Vanya had gotten braces, Diego had been calling her all sorts of predictable nicknames. He was just joking around, Five assumed, considering that the group poked fun at each other all the time. They had a sense of humor that Vanya didn’t understand, but he hated to see how much it had lowered his best friend’s confidence. To help her out, Five had recently shared potential remarks to use against Diego.

“Well, I can't complain,” Vanya muttered, breaking her gaze away from Five and drawing her attention back at Diego. “Thankfully, there’s a way to fix my face. What’s your excuse?” 

That one was his favorite comeback. 

Ben let out a chuckle, eyes never leaving his book. “She got you there, Diego.”

“Vanya,” Klaus seemed like he wasn’t sure whether he should be impressed or surprised, one hand pressed against his chest while the other clamped on Diego’s shoulder. “Your claws are showing.”

Diego glowered, jerking his side away from Klaus’ grip and gritted, “Please, someone as ordinary as Vanya wouldn’t faze me.” 

“Five, can we talk to you for a sec?” Allison flashed her teeth, completely ignoring the bickering from the other half of the group. 

Five was stunned. Allison rarely initiated conversation with him before, and turned his head to look at Vanya.

“I’ll meet you out front,” Vanya quietly affirmed. 

Five nodded in response, watching her retreating figure as he turned back over at Allison. “What is it?”

“So, we mentioned to Delores that we were going to your party,” Allison's grin widened. “And she said she wanted to come with.”

Five felt his breath hitch. “Really? Delores said that?” Delores Manikyn was only his crush since middle school. He had done everything to get her to notice him, but it was impossible when she was one of the prettiest girls in school. 

“Don't we have that group project to do though?” Luther inquired.

“Oh, shoot. You're right, Luther. I completely forgot about it.”

“Group project?” Five asked.

“Mr. Pogo is up our butts with this group proposal about the social behavior of chimpanzees, and Delores was going to help us out.” Allison continued, “So I guess she can’t come either.” 

“What a bummer,” Klaus pouted. “It's too bad we can’t make it because we really wanted to go.”

Five mentally scrambled for solutions. He needed Five Hive, and now Delores, to come to his party tonight. He couldn't let his plans leading up to his thirteenth birthday slip through the cracks now. He blurted the most viable suggestion he could offer, “I could write the report for you.” 

“Aw, Five, you'd really do that? You're the best.”

“Great, thanks Five! We’ll see you soon.”

“See you at the party, man.”

“Thanks, Five.”

“Knew we could count on you!”

Five Hive gave him resounding praises, high fives, and pats on the back as they walked past him, and Five gladly basked in the glory.

 


 

“I can’t believe you invited those jerks.” Vanya complained, walking next to Five on their way home from school.

“They’re my friends, V.”

Vanya stared at him as if he had grown two heads. “Are you nuts? Five Hive are not your friends.” 

“Okay fine, almost my friends. But by the end of tonight, you can consider me the newest member of Five Hive,” he smugly announced, head held up high as he gripped onto the straps of his backpack. 

Five had it all planned out. His thirteenth birthday was the perfect opportunity to prove to them that he belonged in their circle of friends. What Five wanted more than anything was to be at the top, and he was sure to get it by giving Five Hive the best night of their lives. At least, what's considered to be the best night of their lives in the basement of his mom’s suburban household.

He called the plan Operation T.F.T., short for Operation Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving. It was the slogan of a perfume advertisement that he had come across when he and Vanya were reading through his latest subscription of National Geographic. Five was drawn by the suave businessman who looked like he had all the power and confidence needed to succeed in life. So, he was set to redefine himself and make it happen by joining Five Hive.

“There can’t be a sixth member in Five Hive,” Vanya reasoned. “There’s already five of them in the group. You of all people should know that’s mathematically impossible.”

“V, in case you haven't noticed, my name is Five. I’m an exception to that rule.” He shot her a shit-eating grin as she rolled her eyes. “Besides, it would make an even more compelling argument to have me be the leader of Five Hive some day.” If that were to happen, he could get Diego to stop teasing Vanya about her braces while he was at it. As they walked, Five lightly bumped his arm against her. “Proud of you for standing up for yourself by the way,” he praised. “I told you it’d make Diego clamp up.” 

“Well, he was right about one thing,” Vanya’s mouth formed a thin line, casting her eyes down at the sidewalk, “I am pretty ordinary.”

“V, he’s only joking around. That’s just how they are in Five Hive.” As they reached the front of their destination, he walked a few steps ahead of Vanya, turned, and rested his hands onto her shoulders, stopping her in her tracks. “You and I both know how extraordinary you are,” he reassured, tilting his head down so his eyes met with her own. 

And he meant it. He wouldn’t call just anyone his best friend. Vanya was the most empathetic, smartest, and talented person he had ever known. He especially found her to be most extraordinary when she would play the violin, something she had picked up when they were six years old. He was sure that she was going to be a first chair violinist some day, and he would be right by her side to support her every step of the way.

Vanya let out a soft smile, her cheeks reddening. “Thanks, Five.”

Five straightened up, tucking a few strands of Vanya’s hair behind her ear. “No need to thank me when it's the truth.”

Her blush only deepened, shyly breaking eye contact. It was still fascinating to Five how timid his best friend could get whenever she received compliments from others, even when it came from himself.

Maybe he should do it more often.

After a moment of silence, Vanya grabbed her backpack from behind, unzipping the front. “Want to split a Fudge Nutter before we say goodbye?” she asked, taking out Five’s beloved candy bar from the pocket.

“Do you even need to ask?”

Vanya laughed, opening the wrapper and breaking off the Fudge Nutter into two separate pieces. Five never understood why Vanya seemed to have trouble cutting the piece right down the middle, but he never complained, considering that she always gave him the bigger half.

“I’ll see you in two hours?” Vanya questioned with a nervous, but excited grin as she chewed on her piece of the chocolate bar. 

Five tilted his head, noticing her anxiousness as he took a bite of his own. He still had to write Five Hive’s report before the party started, so he decided to ask her about it later. “Yeah, see you in heaven, Seven.” 

“Stay alive, Five.” Vanya adjusted her backpack and began making her way towards her house, waving goodbye.

It was a silly inside joke they would say to each other before going their separate ways. When they were eleven, Vanya had been jealous of Five’s numerical name, so he had asked her what number she’d want to be called. He didn't realize how much she cared about it until she had dragged him to their local library to research the matter. She had eventually chosen the number seven. 

Her reason? Seven was valued in most aspects, including society, culture, religion, and mythology. And Vanya hoped that she would be as significant as her number some day.

 


 

Five sighed in relief, completing Five Hive’s report with just enough time to get dressed for the party. As he began removing his blazer and unbuttoning his white collared shirt, he caught sight of a strand of hair.

Oh, shit. Is that chest hair?

He stared at it in shock, beaming at the newfound discovery.

His excitement quickly vanished as soon as his mother opened the door with a video camera in hand.

“Happy Birthday, sweetie!” Grace cheerfully exclaimed, “Smile for the camera!”

“Mom!” Five stumbled back, trying to cover his half naked body with his arms. “Do you mind?”

Grace placed the video camera on top of his desk and gasped, “Is that a chest hair I see? I can grab my tweezers from my bedroom if you’d like.”

“No! Mom, go away. Please.” Five’s voice cracked, making him even more mortified of the situation. He let out a groan as he held his hand over his one chest hair for dear life.

“Is everything okay, honey? You know you can talk to me.” 

“How could everything possibly be okay? Look at me.” He sighed, sitting down on his bed. How on earth would he be able to look as charming as the businessman in the advertisement when all he had were weak limbs, acne, and a cracked voice?

Grace’s eyes softened, as she sat down on the bed next to him. “What I see is my little boy growing up.”

“I don’t want to be a little boy,” he grumbled in frustration. “I want to be thirty.” 

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving. 

“Thirty?” Grace repeated, blinking in surprise. “Well, you will be thirty eventually, sweetie. But for now, you’re my handsome thirteen-year-old.” 

That didn't make him feel any better. He forced out a smile, hoping it would appease his mother so she wouldn't continue worrying, burying his other thoughts into the back of his mind. “Yeah, you're right. Thanks Mom.” 

Grace gave him a kiss on the cheek before standing up and walking out of his room with the video recorder in hand, closing the door shut behind her.

As soon as he heard the soft click of the door, Five sprang off his bed to marvel at his new strand of chest hair in the mirror. 

 


 

“Happy Birthday, Five!” Vanya bursted through the door of the basement, a medium-sized box in hand as she walked down the staircase. 

“Hey, V,” Five greeted as he finished unloading the final bag of snacks into the bowl before walking up to her. His curiosity piqued upon seeing the box she held. “What's this?”

“This is just part one of your present. I…” Vanya handed the box to Five and looked away, “I have something else to give you later tonight.” 

There she was being nervous again. Before he could ask her what was wrong, Vanya’s expression quickly brightened again as she tugged on his hand, leading him towards the couch to sit down. “So, you know how you always said how you would one day come up with the sequential equations necessary to allow us to time travel?”

Five nodded, still unclear with where she was getting at as he began carefully tearing off the wrapping paper.

“Well,” Vanya drawled as Five opened the box. “I decided to make you your first prototype.” 

For once in his life, Five was at a loss for words. His mouth slightly parted, taking in every detail that Vanya had thoughtfully considered in his present. The cutely decorated cardboard resembled a cuckoo clock, adorned with colorful numbered stickers around the entire house shaped box. The face of where the clock should have been was replaced with a TI-30X IIS scientific calculator, and right above was an arch shaped hole that had a lightbulb peeking inside of it. 

“You made me a time machine.” It wasn't a question. He had described to Vanya in the past how he envisioned a time machine to actually look like, thinking that it would be better to be a little more discreet than a huge clunky machine like how movies portrayed it.

“Yeah, exactly! I mean, it doesn’t actually work.” Vanya laughed. “But the calculator does - I remember you telling me your current one was starting to act up. I added those stick-on velcro strips to the calculator’s cover and the cardboard, so you can just rip it right off when we do our math homework.” She demonstrated this by tearing the calculator off, the familiar sound of velcro ripping apart once she did so, and sticking it back on. 

After another moment of silence, he asked, “V, you did this all on your own?”

“For the most part. I did have to ask my parents for a little help when I was having trouble wiring the light to the switch.” Vanya flipped the small switch on the side of box, and sure enough, the time machine began to emit a dull glow from where the arched hole was cut out. “I was hoping you could place it on your nightstand as a nightlight.”

Vanya was the only one who knew about his fear of the dark. Or, well, he was sure his mother knew by the way Grace would have the door crack open to show a small ray of light when he went to bed, but he’s only ever admitted it to Vanya out loud. As expected, she reassured him that it wasn't anything to be ashamed about, confiding in him about her fear of small spaces after his confession.

Five stared at the machine dumbfounded, which caused Vanya to uncomfortably shift from where she sat. “Do you not like it? Maybe I should've gotten you that physics book after all.”

“Are you kidding me?” Five finally spoke, placing the time machine carefully on the table before pulling her into a hug, causing Vanya to yelp in surprise. He rested his chin on top of her head. “I don't just like it. I love it, V. Thank you.” 

His best friend was truly extraordinary.

“You’re welcome,” she answered with a sheepish smile, reciprocating the hug. “Oh, I almost forgot!” Vanya pulled away from the embrace after a few seconds, reaching for her jean pocket to reveal a small bag. 

“Wishing dust?” Five questioned after reading the label, skepticism dripping in his voice.

“Yeah, the back of the bag says, ‘This wishing dust knows what’s in your heart of hearts. It’ll make your dreams come true.’ I thought it was fitting, being your thirteenth birthday and all, so you can make a wish.” Vanya tore open the bag of wishing dust and began sprinkling it on top of the time machine without hesitation, a good portion of the dust falling into the arched hole of the cardboard.

“This will be a nightmare to clean up later,” he pointed out. 

“Do you want your wish or not?” Vanya pouted, tilting the bag up to stop it from falling.  

Five gave a chuckle and stopped pressing further. “Alright, fine.” 

After Vanya had sprinkled the remaining dust onto the machine, the doorbell rang. 

“Shit, they’re here. V, I’m just going to put this away for now, okay?” Five flipped the switch of the time machine off and walked towards the closet as Vanya quietly watched him carefully place it on the top of the shelf. “Put some music on while I get the door.”

Five ran upstairs, quickly adjusting the collar of his polo shirt as he cleared his throat. He swung the door open to see Five Hive standing on his front porch. Behind them, he caught sight of Delores and a couple of her other friends that he recognized from school.

Stay calm, Five. You can do this.

“Hey guys,” he greeted casually, a smirk appearing on his face. “The party’s downstairs.” 

Operation T.F.T. had officially commenced.

 


 

Everyone stood awkwardly around in a circle as Gigue from Partita No. 2 in D minor played in the background. 

“What is this?” Luther whispered to Five.

“I’m not sure,” he said quietly. He was lying, of course, it had been one of his favorite pieces that Vanya would play for him on the violin. “It’s Vanya’s.” 

“Sorry, Braceface. Majority rules,” Diego said as he headed towards the cassette player to remove the tape that was playing and inserting a mix tape of his own. 

“Hey, careful with that.” Vanya frowned, grabbing the audio cassette from Diego and walking over to Five. “I’m going to go next door and get my violin.”

Five nervously glanced at the group behind Vanya, a few of them groaning at her words. He panicked once he saw Delores frown in disapproval.

“Do whatever you want, Vanya,” Five stated. “It’s not like I need a play-by-play.”

Laughter engulfed the room, much to his satisfaction. However, it instantly turned to regret as soon as he saw the flash of hurt in Vanya’s eyes. Five bit the inside of his cheek, a feeling of dread suddenly bubbling up inside him as soon as the words left his mouth. He made a mental note to apologize to Vanya as soon as they were alone, trying to restrain himself from chasing after her up the stairs. 

Operation T.F.T. was the priority tonight. Vanya would understand, and he'd be sure to make it up to her later.

“Good riddance,” Diego muttered, only for Ben to elbow him in the ribs. “Ow, what? She was bringing the whole party down!”

“So, what now?” Luther asked, munching on some Cheeseballs that he had taken from the snack table.

“I have an idea,” Allison proposed with a small smile, glancing at Klaus. “Let’s play Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

“Good idea, Allison,” Klaus agreed with a glint in his eye. He wrapped his arm around Five, guiding him across the room. “You can go first, birthday boy.” 

Seven Minutes in Heaven?

See you in heaven, Seven.

He had never heard of the game before, but he didn’t want to seem like a complete idiot. “Oh, sure,” he said nonchalantly. “How does that one go, again?”

“Well, Five. It’s easy, really. You go in the closet blindfolded, and some lucky person is gonna go in there and do whatever they want with you for seven whole minutes.”

“And guess who wants to go first," Allison whispered, catching up with Klaus and Five.

“Who?”

Allison placed the side of her hand onto her cheek as she murmured, “Delores Manikyn.”

“R-really?” Five tried to clear his throat when he noticed how his voice squeaked.

“Really.”

Once they reached the closet, Klaus untied his neck scarf and wrapped it around Five’s eyes. Five suddenly felt a pang of fear as he temporarily lost his vision, but he quickly reminded himself that seven minutes in darkness would be worth it if it meant having Operation T.F.T. become a complete success.

“Before we forget,” Klaus asked offhandedly, “Where’s our group report?”

“On the table," Five answered absentmindedly, too distracted about the current situation to think much further.

“Remember, no peeking. And just so you know,” Allison softly spoke. “Delores loves going for second base.” 

Five gulped as he listened to the soft click of the closet door closing. What the fuck does that mean? Five wasn’t into sports, but now he wished he understood the terms. 

 


 

Five heard the door creak open, his body stiffening from the noise as he sat on the ground, leaning his back on the shelf. He could feel his heartbeat pounding up to his ears. “I thought you weren’t gonna come," he said as smoothly as possible. He was proud of himself that his voice didn’t crack. 

He could only hear rustling from Delores’ end. “Sorry, I can’t really see anything. Where are you?” He asked softly, outstretching his arms forward, only to feel hands interlocking with his own. It only made his palms sweat, a blush suddenly rushing up to his cheeks.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this, Delores.”

“Delores?” Voice sounding pained, the hands he had previously held yanked away from him as if they had just touched a hot stove. “It’s Vanya.”  

What?

Five tore off the blindfold from his face, only to see Vanya just inches away. “What are you doing here? Where’s Delores?”

“I- She’s gone, Five,” Vanya said in confusion, her brows furrowing. “Everybody left.”

“What did you do?” Five accused, standing up from the floor and scrambling out of the closet. It was true. Everyone was gone. He wasn't even in that closet for that long. What had Vanya done to ruin this for him?

“Nothing!” Vanya frowned, “I saw them all walk up the stairs by the time I came back.” 

“You’re lying.” Five refused to believe she didn't have any part of this, especially when the group seemed to be having fun when she hadn't been there. 

“Five, why would I lie to you? I just got back from getting my violin,” Vanya said in defense, pointing at the violin that she placed on the table. “Klaus said—”

“Get out.” 

“What? Five, just listen to me, please.”

Didn't Vanya understand that he was also trying to join Five Hive for her sake? If he could just get into the group and get his way to the top, she would’ve also been a part of it. Five would make sure of it. He was fully aware of how much she disapproved of the idea of him joining Five Hive. Was she worried about feeling left out? If that was the case, she should have just said so instead of manipulating the situation behind his back.

“I said get out!” Five growled, running back to the closet and slamming the door shut. “I hate you!” He knew that wasn’t true. He could never bring himself to hate Vanya, not ever, but he was just so angry at her. 

But truthfully, he was most angry at himself.

“I hate me!” He gasped, feeling tears prickling in his eyes at how true these words were. He thought about it often, how much he detested himself, but hearing him say the three words out loud only made it much more real. He loathed the way he looked - his gangly body, his acne, his cracking voice. He hated being the awkward age of thirteen, not really knowing what the hell he was really doing, but pretending that he knew everything for the sake of saving face. 

“Five? You have to believe me. I would never try to do anything to hurt you. Just open the door,” Vanya pleaded with a shaky voice. 

She was crying, and so was he.

“Here, let me play you this song. It’ll make you feel better.”

Five could hear her sniffle as her muffled steps left the closet door momentarily, before shuffling back in front of the closet.

The faint music from Vanya’s violin began to fill his ears, and it helped his body slightly relax. Five turned around and looked up at the shelf, wiping a few tears from his cheeks. If he was planning to lock himself in the closet for longer than he anticipated, he needed a light source before his fear of the dark caught up to him. 

He felt around for the time machine, some of the wishing dust landing on top of his head as he pulled it off the shelf. Great, now he had to clean that up later. 

The image of the perfume advertisement with the successful businessman popped up in his mind. 

He would kill to skip his teenage years and jump forward in time. If only this machine actually worked.

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving.  

He flipped the switch, watching the lightbulb of the time machine flicker on. 

 


 

Five grumbled from the sound of the alarm, feeling around his nightstand to shut it off. Drowsily, he rolled out of his bed and sat up straight, wiping the drool from the side of his mouth. He could feel something prickle the side of his hand as he did so, but dismissed it. 

What day was it again? His birthday was yesterday, so it must be Friday. He had a math test and an english presentation at school today. He also had to apologize to Vanya for hurting her feelings, despite still being upset at her for foiling Operation T.F.T.

He sighed, pulling off his sheets, shivering from the sudden gesture. Eyes still closed, he swung his legs off the bed and began walking forward. He knew the path from his bed to the bathroom by heart, and never needed to actually look at where he was going to arrive at his destination.

He guessed there was a first for everything, since he just bumped his forehead into a wall.

“Ow.” There was never a wall there before. If Five wasn’t awake earlier, he sure as hell was awake now. His eyes shot up, frantically looking around his surroundings.

This wasn’t his room. 

“Mom?” He called. 

No answer.

He blinked, surveying the room that was three times the size of his bedroom. 

“Mom?” Five called again, a little louder this time.

Still no answer.

He quickly stepped out of the room, making his way down the hallway. Five was in an apartment, a pretty big one at that. He glanced at the mirror he walked past and immediately came to a halt. 

Standing in front of Five was not his thirteen-year-old body, but a grown man. 

He stared at his reflection with wide eyes. His acne was replaced by stubble that he had disregarded prickling his hand earlier. Five began patting around his body, taking note of the sudden definition and muscle in his arms. He pulled the collar of his white cotton shirt he had been wearing and looked down. 

There was most definitely more than one chest hair. 

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving.

“Holy shit.”

It worked.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading!

To end this chapter on a fun note, below is how I envisioned Five’s picture day photo to look like as he angrily yelled at the photographer for calling him Clive. Shout out to Clover for making this photo edit for me - I laughed for days.