Chapter Text
Georgiana sat on her bed, willing herself to stop thinking. But her mind was not her own and disregarded her desires. What a failure. Trying to make it seem like you are all grown-up, and yet you have never looked more like a child. Obviously, you could not trust him. What is wrong with you. You should have known he was not a good man because Fitz does not enjoy being with him. Do not you trust your brother? Why are you so pathetic? “Enough!” She declared as she pushed herself off the bed. Georgiana wandered through the maze of halls in Pemberley, seeking the library.
She half hoped her brother was having a hard time sleeping as well. Even though she was ashamed of herself, he had not made her feel small for her mistake. She half-heartedly selected a book off the shelf and curled up in her favorite chair, which gave her a view of the lake. In the hazy darkness, she could just about make it out. That lake is where he taught you to swim all those summers ago. Was he being kind to me then or just setting up what is to come. I cannot believe he only wanted me for my money. How could I be so stupid? Of course, that is what he wanted. It is so obvious now. Tears started to well up in her eyes. Not again. I do not want to cry over that man again. She pushed her face into the back of the chair, staining it darker with her tears.
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Darcy found her the next morning curled up in the old chair she favored so much. A fond smile flitted across his face, but it quickly passed into a pained expression. He crouched down in front of her and gently shook her awake, “Georgie?”
Her eyes slowly blinked open, “Fitz. Morning?”
He nodded, smothering a sigh. “Yes sister. Morning. I actually was hoping I would find you. I need your help with something.”
Her face brightened considerably. “You do? Do you mean there is something I can do?”
His face darkened, “Of course, Georgie. Mr. Beechum was telling me how much you helped settle that dispute last week between what’s her name and Mrs. Bella. I never could think of something to make them agree to stop their squabbling.” He smiled at her. “You are quite the only person to have accomplished it.”
Georgiana blushed at his praise.
“Not only that, I know you are much better at playing with numbers than I am. Mr. Beechum said he would sit down with you and let you look over some of the accounts I marked for review. I honestly think you would do better at interpreting it all rather than me.”
What a good brother he is to me. He works so hard to cheer me up. Even so, I am glad he is letting me look over some of the accounts. If I remember correctly, based on what little I saw a few months ago, I think there are several changes we can make that would do very well for us. She let her mind buzz for a few minutes, until she caught Darcy smiling down at her.
“Thank you, brother mine. I think I would very much enjoy doing that. Let me go upstairs and change, and then I will meet you for breakfast.”
“Hurry, Georgie. There is one thing yet I have been saving for you.” He teased as he walked away.
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Georgiana was not sure what she was expecting, but it was not the russet colored, floppy eared, wriggling mess that greeted her after their breakfast. Darcy had continued to tease her with small allusions to it but would not come out and just say what the surprise was. Georgiana could not be happier that it was puppy. She had been after Darcy to let them have dogs in the house, a thing that had been strictly forbidden under their father, and she had thought he was close to caving. But, not this close!
“Brother! I love him.” She said, letting the puppy lick her face. The dog had the biggest black eyes that seemed to hold all the secrets in the universe in them. This I can love. The eyes seemed to whisper back, “Yes, love.” I can trust a dog to love me. I will never trust a man again. She held onto that thought, wanting to speak it aloud, but not wanting to trouble her brother. Yes. I refuse to dally in love and so get my heartbroken again. Not when I do not need to.
Darcy’s voice interrupted her spiraling thoughts against love, “Supposed to be from good stock. Easily trainable, I have been told. Young Corey in Lambton said he would be happy to talk through how to manage them well. His father has been letting him take over that part of their business, and Mrs. Reynolds said her sister said that he was doing a credible job.”
Georgiana let her laughter ring out at the ridiculous circuitous way information flows in small villages and at the soft puppy in her arms. “Thank you, Fitz. Really.”
She felt his fond love through the warmth of his smile.
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Time passed, as these things do, and before Georgiana realized it a month was gone. She felt a little better about the whole nasty business, and especially enjoyed her firm belief that she would not be involving herself with any matters of the heart ever again. The firmness of the sentiment is what gave her comfort. Georgiana swore to herself to not let it happen again and to stay away from love. The feeling that things were getting better was greatly aided by her brother, of course, her cousin, Richard, who had been staying with them since the Event, and her lovable idiot that she named Orestes.
Just as she was feeling more confident in herself again, the world seemed to go mad. Suddenly to Georgiana’s mind, a war destroyed the idyllic peace that had settled around them. Having Richard stay was an unforeseen treat and made Darcy easier as well. And now. It was all going to change. And for what? What is the war even for? Georgiana grit her teeth in useless frustration and sorrow. She knew what was coming even before her brother said anything.
“Georgie, you know, of course, that Richard is in the army. He will not be able to escape this fight. And . . . I fear I cannot either. I cannot stay here safe, hidden away in Pemberley when people like Richard are going off. I need to join them.”
Georgiana looked at her brother and sighed. “I knew you were going to say this, Fitz. But I hate it. I do not want you to go. This is not even our war –” She broke herself from going over that, knowing it would do no good and would merely frustrate them both.
The air had seemed to go from the room. Georgiana felt stifled and threw herself into her brother’s arms. “What are we going to do without you, Fitz? How can I make it?”
“I know, Georgie. I do not want to leave you. I just do not see another course of action. I have to go. Will . . . will you do me a favor, sister?”
She pulled back from his arms, “Anything, Fitz.”
“I will meet with Mr. Beechum in an hour, but I wanted to go over this with you first. You have been brilliant the past month. You have done more with the estate and our holdings than I ever could. Will you let me put you in charge, legally? This will keep it safe in your hands should anything happen to me.”
“No. Fitzwilliam! You are not allowed to say that.” Georgiana’s voice broke, and she felt the tears she had been fighting off start to fall down her cheeks. “Fitz, you cannot leave if you are planning on dying. Promise me that you will come back. To me. To Pemberley. To take over again.”
Darcy pulled her into a tight embrace again. “Of course, Georgie. I promise. I will do everything I can to come back to you.”
Georgiana tried to pull herself together, “Alright then. I will take over for you, but why can we not put in that it is temporary.”
Darcy smiled down at his sister. “If it makes you feel better, we will do just that. I love you Georgie. You are my only close family left. I would not throw that away for just anything.”
“But you must go? You cannot let others fight?”
“I would that I could, but I do not think it would be right.”
Georgiana hummed noncommittally, “Ah, but there is the trouble. Right, Fitz. What is right? Who is to say that our cause is more just than another?” She shook her head. They sat, next to each other, quietly for the better part of an hour, only being disturbed by Orestes pushing his face into Georgiana’s hands.
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The next day, Richard sought her out. He would be leaving soon, not having the luxury of Darcy to wait even a few days. His orders had come, cutting his leave time short. “Little Georgie!” He called when he caught sight of her. She was working in the green room, practicing her favorite, comfort piece.
“Richard!” She got up quickly and gave him a hug. “Are you preparing to go then?”
“I am afraid so. I would have liked to stay longer with you and your brother, but duty calls.”
“Yes, duty.”
Richard let out a bellowing laugh. “No need to sound so glum about it, little one. I will be back before you know it!”
“Richard, you cannot know that. I . . . I am worried for you.”
“I know, little one. I know. We will make the best of it, yes? You pray for me, and I am sure I will stay safe.”
She looked at him, unconvinced.
“With us away, it will be your time to come into your own, Little Georgie. You can make any decisions you want. I know your brother has given you the power. Use it! We trust you. We know you are bright. Lord knows you are smarter than your brother or me. Trust yourself.”
Georgiana scrunched her face up.
“We all make mistakes. One mistake does not mean you are not able to decide things on your own. Please trust yourself. Promise me?”
Georgiana nodded, “Only if you promise me that you will not be overly brave. Be smart and safe, for me?”
He nodded at her too. “Love you, little one.”
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Georgiana gave Mrs. Reynolds a wan smile when she set her afternoon tea down. The rain had started an hour ago, but it did not seem hard enough to Georgiana’s eyes. Her brother had left her on this dreary day, and she just wanted to melt into the ground. Who will look after him? Who will make sure he does not do something reckless and stupid? I hope this war is short. Done soon!
Orestes curled up next to her, in defiance of the few rules Darcy had insisted upon with the dog inside. No sitting on the furniture was one of the firm ones, but Georgiana just could not care. I need him next to me. A concrete sign of my brother’s love even though he left me. Sitting on this stupid couch, waiting for him. I cannot go to the war. What can I do from here? Georgiana let out a loud cry, not denying herself the sorrow that swelled up around her, feeling like she could suffocate in it.
I will do what Fitz asked. I will run this estate and manage our holdings. I will do it all as well as I can, and he will come back. He will be shocked at the changes I have made. He will be pleased with all I have done. He will. He has to come back to see what I do. She pulled her legs up onto the couch, knowing that no one would disturb her the rest of the day. Clutching her knees to her chest, she let out wild sobs, muffled yet loud. Do not leave me too, Fitzwilliam. Please come back to me.