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Chapter Text

[ kurobro > bokubro ] private messages  - 8:43pm \ Sept 23rd 2012

kurobro BRO LETS MAKE A CAPTAINS GC

bokubro WHY

kurobro IT WOULD BE FUN

bokubro OKAYOKAY

Bokuto Koutarou created 'CAPTAIN SQUAD'
Bokuto Koutarou added Sawamura Daichi and Kuroo Tetsurou

Kuroo HEYYYYY FUCKERSS

Sawamura what the fuck is this

Kuroo a captains gc Σ(*ﾉ´>ω<｡`)ﾉ 
Kuroo to y'know discuss captain-y stuff

Sawamura dont bullshit me,, you and i both know for a fact that's not what this will be used for

Bokuto BROOO HEYY WHATS UP

Kuroo HEY BO !!!!!

Bokuto I KNOW ANOTHER CAPTAIN CAN I ADD HIM >>>

Sawamura sure

Kuroo HELLO? THIS IS MY GROUP

Bokuto Koutarou added Ushijima Wakatoshi

Sawamura oh hello

Kuroo holy shit is that ushiwaka

Ushjima yes that is me. what is this

Bokuto A CAPTAINS GC USHI

Sawamura i guess we should do intros?

Ushijima before we begin, may i add another captain

Kuroo sure ?

Ushijima Wakatoshi added Oikawa Tooru

Oikawa what the fricky frick frack fuck
Oikawa what the fuck is this

Sawamura ...oikawa?

Oikawa KARASUNO'S THIGH CAPTAIN??

Kuroo THIGH CAPTAIN BYE

Sawamura excuse me what now

Bokuto SEE BRO I WAS TELLING YOU EVERYONE IN MIYAGI CALLS DAICHI THAT

Sawamura THEY DO?

Oikawa did,,, did you not know

Sawamura NO WHAT THE FUCK

Ushijima i dont

Oikawa thats because you have the humour of a 65 year old man

Bokuto OMG IVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE SHUT DOWN USHI

Kuroo k so i barely know 2 out of 5 ppl in this so,, EVERYONE DO INTROS OR DIE BY MY SWORD
Kuroo also yaku told me to say that i dont actually have a sword

Sawamura sawamura daichi, he/him

Oikawa oikawa tooru, they/them

Kuroo AYY TWINSIES

Ushijima he/they, ushijima wakatoshi

Bokuto BOKUTO KOUTAROU HE THEY

Oikawa so would someone mind explaining what the fuck this is

Sawamura kuroo doesnt have any friends so they made a captains groupchat

Oikawa lmao

Bokuto IM THEIR FRIEND

Kuroo I HAVE FRIENDS THANK YOU BVERY MUCH

Ushijima well it certainly doesnt seem like it.

Sawamura ..

Oikawa ...

Bokuto ...

Kuroo i cant even be mad because i know they're not trying to be mean

Ushijima did i say something wrong

Sawamura no youre doing amazing sweetie

Kuroo and oikawa said ushiwaka was the 65 year old man

Sawamura WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Bokuto HE MEANS YOU ACT LIKE A DAD

Oikawa technically all captains act like dads,, sawamura is the only responsible one

Kuroo huh wdym

Bokuto IM A DAD ^_^

Ushijima i am not a father

Oikawa k so,, sawamura is the picture perfect responsible father, he's loving caring etc 
Oikawa bokuto is the fun dad thats also fun and caring but theyre more care free and act more like a friend
Oikawa kuroo is the bitchy kind of dad, theyre not that nice when youre younger but once you grow up and find common interests he obsess over them with you and spoils you
Oikawa Ushijima is the stoic father thats just never there

Sawamura ... and oikawa is the type of father thats just an asshole

Kuroo i dont have kids but that was spot on

Bokuto ofc id be a friend to my kid!! my kid cant trust me if im not their friend!! i cant help them if they dont trust me!!

Sawamura that is.. surprisingly sweet

Kuroo he may be a goddamn himbo but theyre pretty smart when it comes to feelings and all that cool jazz

Ushijima what is a himbo?

Oikawa bokuto and ushijima are himbo's send tweet

Sawamura a himbo is like a guy thats muscular but dumb

Ushijima oh

Bokuto im not that dumb,, im average !

Oikawa k so would someone PROPERLY explain why this group was made

Kuroo fine kenma wouldn't pay attention to me so i made this

Sawamura you know she doesnt have to pay attention to you right ??

Kuroo I KNOWWW BUT I LIKE THEM SO MUCH

Bokuto 2 minutes in and this group chat has already turned extremely gay

Oikawa ... okay what about it

Kuroo YOU DONT HAVE ROOM TO TALK MR. IM IN A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SETTER

Bokuto Kuroo what?? IM NOT DATING AKAASHI

Sawamura you aren't??

Oikawa who??

Kuroo YOU ARENT??

Bokuto no ;((

Bokuto akaashi is my really pretty setter

Kuroo is true love dead

Sawamura i mean if bokuto and akaashi arent together than probably

Kuroo i hate pining

Sawamura oh shush at least your crush is gay while im here in love with a straight man

Oikawa you think koushi is straight ??
Oikawa THAT MAN IS HOMSEXUALITY ON STILTS

Bokuto IVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL SAWAMURA THAT

Kuroo HOMOSEXUALITY ON STILTS I LOVE THAT

Sawamura how would you know that ??

Oikawa im pretty sure id know if my ex was straight or not

Kuroo YOUR WHAT

Bokuto WHAT

Sawamura excuse me what the everlasting fucking fuck?

Ushijima i believe this is when you say 'language!'

Oikawa lol yeah i dated koushi for 2 weeks in our first ?? year

Kuroo eek good break up or bad break up

Oikawa oh no nothing bad! we just mistook platonic feelings for romantic,, we dated for 2 weeks and realized that we didnt really like each other that way so decided to stay friends instead
Oikawa we're still best friends now!! they & semi from Shiratorizawa came over last weekend for our monthly movie night

Ushijima youre friends with semi?

Bokuto OOO I KNOW SEMI !! THEYRE COOL

Kuroo daichi bro u good,, u've been quiet fir a while now

Sawamura just wondering what lowered suga's standards so much that he dated oikawa

Oikawa HEY I HAPPEN TO BE A GREAT CATCH DAI-CHAN

Sawamura dai-chan? really?

Kuroo i still can't believe daichi though sugawara was straight

Oikawa honestly daichi how bad is your gaydar

Kuroo d'you think that means he doesnt know that their entire team is gay

Sawamura WHAT

Bokuto you've got to be kidding me

Kuroo i cant do this, topic change

Oikawa TELL ME WHO YOURE IN LOVE WITH

Ushijima why would you assume we like anyone

Kuroo shut up ushiwaka, everyone knows you've got the hots for your setter

Sawamura do captains just have a thing for setters?
Sawamura kuroo is hopelessly in love with kozume, bokuto has akaashi, i have suga and ushiwaka apparently likes his setter too

Oikawa i love myself does that count

Kuroo who are you bullshitting oikawa 'inferiority and superiority complex' tooru

Oikawa YOU KNOW WHAT

Bokuto out of all of us who do you think would get their partner first

Sawamura weirdly i think oikawa 

Ushijima i think it would be kuroo (they do seem to be the one most hopelessly in love)

Oikawa uh i vote bok-kun,, him and his setter are horribly in love
Oikawa i get cavities just watching their matches

Bokuto hm i'd have to say its probably ushiwaka, i mean who would reject them

Kuroo thank you for your faith in my ushiwaka but i am in fact a pussy, i think it would be daichi

Oikawa y'know what i've realized?

Kuroo that most thoughts are better left unsaid

Oikawa hah nice try
Oikawa isn't it a bit too early to be wearing halloween make up

Kuroo FIRST OF ALL. NO.
Kuroo secondly, this is just my face .

Sawamura HAHHAHAHA

Oikawa ew who laughs like that

Kuroo ee wtf daichi

Bokuto i honestly dont get how oikawa and kuroo can go from fighting to agreeing within like 2 messages but okay

Ushijima i need advice?

Oikawa no go away

Kuroo THE ushiwaka needs help? what's up my guy

Bokuto USHIII WHATS WRONG

Sawamura is everything okay ushijima?

Ushijima what do you do if the person you like, likes someone else

Oikawa ohhh i was wondering when you would realize

Bokuto ?? 

Kuroo WHAT??

Sawamura oh my gosh

Oikawa shirabu, the setter that ushijima likes, likes someone else

Kuroo how do you know ?

Ushijima i heard satori talking to reon saying that he saw them kiss

Bokuto WHO

Sawamura im sorry that sucks ushijima (

Oikawa shirabu and semi have been dancing around each other for years, it was about time
Oikawa sorry ushijima but you'll find your person, you cant spend your entire time wallowing

Oikawa an author once said ‘A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere,’ so you just have to endure the pain, i promise it'll go away

Kuroo bullshit have you ever stepped on a lego? THAT SHIT HURTS

Sawamura READ THE MOOD KUROO

Ushijima no its okay that was funny

Kuroo ohmygodimadeushijimalaugh

Bokuto BRO LEGO'S HURT SO BAD ITS SO ANNOYING

Oikawa what are we even doing

Ushijima wallowing?

Sawamura wasting our lives?

Kuroo dying? crying?

Bokuto yearning?

Oikawa i meant in this groupchat jfc do you all need therapy?

Kuroo don't act as if you aren't just as mentally ill

Oikawa touché

Sawamura good god we are just a huge mess

Ushijima We're supposed to be good role models we cant wallow like this.

Bokuto suppression isnt any better ushii

Kuroo lmao i dont care about being a role model, i have kai for that

Oikawa how did you even make captain??
Oikawa how did any of you make captain?? like sawamura being captain is the only one that makes sense

Ushijima pubicity

Bokuto im not as dumb as you think i am

Kuroo kai hates orders and yaku couldn't be a captain since he's a libero so-

Sawamura i think the rule that libero's cant be captains is a blessed rule

Bokuto AMEN if komi was captain i would've died

Ushijima Yamagata would not be a good captain

Oikawa i dunno my libero's pretty chill hates responsibility though

Sawamura we were discussing captains for next year and our second years all voted for it to be ennoshita and then Tanaka said that noya couldn't be captain and i think we dodged a huge bullet there

Kuroo im not sure who to pick for captain next year? Kenma would kill me if i made him captain and fukunaga is a good idea but he hates orders and isnt assertive so i might have to settle for taketora but nothing is finalized yet

Oikawa seijoh has a tradition for setter captains so Yahaba is going to be captain next year

Ushijima Coach Washijou picked Shirabu to be the next captain, I think.

Bokuto I PICKED AKAASHI

Sawamura of course you did

Oikawa have you thought about who would be captain after that? when our current first years are third years?

Sawamura hmm im not sure but i think Yamaguchi would be a good fit

Bokuto hmm probably anahori he's a good kid

Kuroo not lev thats for sure, most likely inuoka 

Ushijima Goshiki

Oikawa all of your choices make sense i was just planning on making kindaichi and kunimi duke it out in a rock paper scissors match

Sawamura how are you a powerhouse school

Kuroo OMG I JUST REALIZED

Oikawa that most thoughts should be kept inside?

Bokuto THEY USED YOUR OWN LINE AGAINST YOU LMAO

Kuroo SHUT UP TRASHY
Kuroo what i was saying is that we're all hopelessly gay for our best friends

Oikawa ..

Bokuto ..

Sawamura i mean youre not exactly wrong-

Ushijima im not in love with my best friend

Kuroo bullshit

Ushijima but i like shirabu ?

Sawamura dont tell me the eagle is oblivious to his own feelings

Oikawa you can like two people,, especially since one of them is taken and you need to get over them

Ushijima but

Bokuto who is ushijima's best friend anyways

Ushijima Satori

Bokuto whomst the fudge?

Kuroo tendou satori, the red haired middle blocker

Oikawa 'fudge'?!?*#@( the fuck

Bokuto my baby cousin is reading this over my shoulder

Oikawa DID I JUST SWEAR IN FRONT OF A CHILD OH NO

Sawamura tch tch such a horrible role model

Kuroo you evil bastard

Oikawa S T O P

Bokuto I HAD AN IDEA

Kuroo brace yourselves

Sawamura why?

Kuroo when bokuto has an idea it normally ends up with someone hurt or in jail

Oikawa what the fuck

Bokuto SHUT UP

Bokuto Koutarou changed ' Captain Squad '  to simp squad

Bokuto Koutarou changed Sawamura Daichi's name to dai
Bokuto Koutarou changed Kuroo Tetsurou's name to tetsu
Bokuto Koutarou changed Oikawa Tooru's name to toto
Bokuto Koutarou changed Ushijima Wakatoshi's name to waka
Bokuto Koutarou changed their name to kou

waka ...

dai .. i-

tetsu im ok w this

toto what the fuck

Chapter Text

simp squad  - 11:47pm \ Sept 25th 2012

#general

dai IM JUST SAYING
dai IT SHOULD BE ILLEAGAL TO BE THAT OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE AND NOT BE TOGETHER

toto what's going on?

kou apparently hinata and kageyama are in love but arent dating

tetsu daichi is getting so worked up over this its hilarious

toto OH BOY CAN I RELATE TO THAT
toto KUNIMI AND KINDAICHI ARE BASICALLY DATING BUT NEITHER OF THEM WILL ADMIT IT

waka my kouhai's arent like that thankfully

tetsu seeing yaku and lev makes me puke like we all know you like each other just get over ur pride and ask them out ??

dai RIGHT?? LIKE??

kou 99% sure konoha and komi are fucking but they won't tell me

toto eye uh idk why i expected bokuto to be innocent

tetsu theyre literally my best friend,, what did you expect?

toto touché

waka Isn't that spanish?

kou i-

tetsu how did you even get into shiratorizawa-

waka Scholarship

dai HELLO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MY HOPLESSLY GAY KOUHAI WTF

toto we get it you're sUfFeRinG

dai I AM??

tetsu so simps what're we doing today

toto i am NOT a simp

dai lmao okay oikawa 'iwa-chan' tooru

toto FUCK YOU SAWAMURA

dai no thanks

kou yeah thats sugawara's job

toto ew no keep your impure thoughts away from my best friend

tetsu technically they were daichi's best friend first

toto LALALALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU

waka the team is having a sleepover today

dai yikes good luck team sleepovers never go well

toto lmao last time we played t or d at the sleepover, i ended up kissing iwa-chan, makki stripped and scarred the first years, kunimi got drunk and yahaba and kyoutani got into a fist fight

kou jfc why does it sound like your team hates each othr

toto cause we do

tetsu we had a team sleepover a few weeks back,, yaku had to spiderman-kiss lev it was funny, shibayama passed out, kai just straight up left, inuoka and lev got drunk and kenma threw their controller right at tora's face

kou fukurodani isn't too crazy, we mostly played mario kart and watched movies, oo komi and konoha did have a mini prank war though

dai ahh your stories are so... cute

toto what you think your team can do better?

dai the last time we had a team sleepover, hinata was stuck in kageyama's lap for the entire night, tsukishima and yamaguchi got everyone drunk, tanaka got a kiss from kiyoko, yachi threw a knife at ennoshita's head, asahi fainted, nishinoya got stuck on the ceiling, suga exploded slime and almost burnt my kitchen down, narita started a food fight, then tanaka and nishinoya tp'd tsukishima.

tetsu jesus fucking christ what kind of truth or dare did you play

dai we didnt play truth or dare

kou what the fuck

dai we were just watching movies

toto how are you still alive holyshit your team is a fucking walking talking headache

waka It's okay Sawamura, I can relate, my team is very wild too.

tetsu i call bullshit

waka  attachment.jpeg [ a video of semi chasing tendou with a knife, goshiki and kawanishi trying to drag shirabu out of their dorm room, neon shaking his head, yamagata laughing at semi and tendou, who then turn to him and push him out the balcony, the screen pans down to Yamagata in the pool flipping off semi and tendou as they laugh ]

toto and here i though my team was the dumbest
toto we definitely have you all beat out in most sexual tension though

tetsu naw no way, karasuno is probably the gayest and most sexually frustrated team out of all of us

dai explain ??

tetsu hinata and kageyama's sexual tension was suffocating EVERYONE at the fukurodani training group, you and suga are hoplessly in love but won't admit it, tsukki has a thing for his best friend but he won't do anything, pretty sure your managers are gay for each other and your ace and libero are definitely dating .

kou is everyone on that team dating each other ??

dai (*#UHJ(*@NF@HUJ NO
dai tanaka likes this girl from his elementary school i think? she's the an ace for a girls team and ennoshita likes the date tech captain

toto moniwa-kun?

dai nah its futakuchi i think

kou woah more captains? should we add them?

toto moniwa isn't captain anymore
toto and i'd rather die than be in a group with futakuchi

waka futakuchi kenji is.. something

dai what's wrong with them ?

tetsu do tell pls

waka He has a.. different way of talking to people ig

toto HES A FUCKING MENACE

kou THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY THEY EXPLAINED IT IM DYING

dai come on, he can't be worse than terushima

waka That's because no one is worse than terushima

tetsu KUHJFWUNEJK

kou LETS ADD THEM

dai no way 

toto no ❤️

waka Thanks but like no thanks

tetsu is there a possibility hinata might have these two captains numbers?

dai maybe? why?
dai oh shit no

tetsu BET

toto sawamura-kun,,, what have you done

waka Sawamura Daichi, why, just why?

dai just daichi is fine
dai IT WAS A MISTAKE IM SORRY

kou im kind of excited to meet them

toto you will eat those words

dai NO ONE MENTION ENNOSHITA'S CRUSH ON FUTAKUCHI

toto relax i don't care act ur replacement enough to fuck up their love life

dai i-

tetsu added futakuchi to simp squad

dai how are they my replacement??

toto its the thighs

tetsu its the thighs

kou thighs

waka You're both smart and kind leaders of the team

dai ushijima really is the only normal one in here

futakuchi oh hey what's this
futakuchi i agree though ennoshita and daichi-san have k i l l e r thighs

futakuchi bu twhy, why are we talking about their thighs

dai blame oikawa

terushima holy shit like oikawa oikawa? the setter?

toto no oikawa the libero
toto yES THE SETTER

futakuchi oh hey oikawa-san

toto NO FUCK U LEAVE

futakuchi I JUST GOT HERE ??

dai ignore them, they're mentally ill

kou way to break the news daichi

toto EXCUSE YOU

tetsu i knew this was a good idea

waka it is not a good idea,,,

kou le gasp, no caps or punctuation,, u broke ushiwaka

futakuchi i would kill to be crushed by those biceps

waka ... thank you ?

toto LET ME UNREAD THAT, LET ME UNREAD THAT

dai i am scared, so very scared

tetsu you know what
tetsu same

kou i-

futakuchi why are all of u so hot what the fuck

toto i'm hot but idk abt the rest of these idiots

tetsu i am in class 6 fuck you

kou IM REALLY HOT TYVM

dai kuroo what

futakuchi i have no idea who like half of you are though

waka We should probably do introductions again

toto alrighty
toto im oikawa tooru, they/them, 3rd year setter + captain at seijoh

dai sawamura daici, he/him, 3rd year wing spiker and captain on karasuno

kou bokuto koutarou, he/they, 3rd yr fukurodani ace and captain !! at your service !

tetsu kuroo tetsurou, they/them 3rd year nekoma middle blocker captains and hottest person here checking in

toto LIES

waka ushijima wakatoshi, he/they, 3rd year ace and captain at shiratorizawa.

futakuchi futakuchi kenji he/bun 2nd year captain 'n ace @ date tech

dai youre the ace ?

futakuchi yeah?? i've been the ace for a while now??

tetsu AYO MORE NON BINARY BUDDIES

waka sawamura is the only cisgendered one in here

toto the only valid cissie

futakuchi lmao i already love it here

toto YOU ARENT ALLOWD TO LOVE IT HERE FUCK OFF

futakuchi IM JUST EXISTING LEAVE ME ALONE

kou @toto @waka why do u not like futakuchi ? bun seems so cool

futakuchi i- thank u sm
futakuchi u used my neopronouns omg

kou why would i not? those are the prns u use right ??

futakuchi idk some of my classmates just use 'he' for me and never use bun so ig bun being used feels nice

toto firstly, GIVE ME THE ADDRESS I SWEAR I WILL BEAT A FEW BITCHES UP
toto secondly, YOU FUCKING SUCK FUTAKUCHI

dai there is so much unpack here

waka i believe what oikawa means is that youre a salt shaker

futakuchi ....
futakuchi .. okay what about

toto futakuchi sweetie what are their names i just wanna talk i promise

tetsu same,, maybe they'd like to have a talk with my fists :)

kou i can bring swords

toto i can bring nail guns

futakuchi i already?? love u all??

waka even oikawa?

futakuchi especially oikawa :)

toto NO FUCK U SALTY ASS HOE GET AWAY FROM ME

dai BOKUTO WHY DO YOU HAVE SWORDS??

kou demon slayer cosplay

toto oh okay

dai you bought,, real words,, for a cosplay.

kou yes? should i not have?

tetsu bo, darling, my best friend
tetsu normal people buy fake swords

toto how did u even get a real sword

kou they're not that expensive

futakuchi HOW IS A SWORD NOT EXPENSIVE???

toto i am so scared of bokuto rn

tetsu bokuto is like rich rich

waka i have a sword too but its for decorations

dai oh okay

kou YOU QUESTION MY SWORD BUT NOT RURU'S NAIL GUN ?

toto omg ruru i lvoe that

futakuchi everyone has nail guns though

kou yeah, i have one too but still

waka as do i

dai my dad has one, he uses it for all his woodhsop projects

tetsu (i dont think they know what a nail gun is)

kou its a gun that shoots out acrylic nails right ?

toto i-

dai I'm sorry wha-

waka excuse me ?

futakuchi LMAO NO ITS LIKE THIS STAPLE THINGY TO NAIL WOOD TOGETHER

tetsu damn u futakuchi why'd u have to ruin it,, it was funny

toto futakuchi and terushima's names are so long hold on
toto can i have mod 

kou yep hold up

kou there

toto changed futakuchi's name to kenji

dai WHY DOES BUN GET BUNS PROPER GIVEN NAMES BUT I HAVE TO SUFFER WITH DAI

kou their given names are too short to be shortened

toto i believe in the power of nicknames so i hereby declare you all :
toto dai-chan, waka-chan, tetsu-chan, kou-chan the second, yuu-chan and ken-chan

tetsu oikawa really said: lets butcher everyones names

waka if i let you call me that will you come to shiratorizawa

toto WE'RE LITERALLY GRADUTATING IN A MONTH WAKA-CHAN

kenji ushijima-san, question, do you actually want oikawa-san to come to shiratorizawa or do you just like pissing them off

waka ... i like pissing them off

toto MOTHERFUCKER

kou hey! why am i kou-chan the second >_<

toto because the first kou-chan is sugawara koushi and they're prettier
toto btw you all can call me tooru, oikawa, oiks, kawa or like anything idm 

waka you all can call me ushijima or wakatoshi 

dai just daichi is fine for me

toto dai-chan <3

dai i hate you so much

kou you can call me whatever you like! i dont care abt honourifics !!

kenji uh same

tetsu you can call me daddy ;)

toto mUST YOU RUIN EVERYTHING ?

tetsu yes

kenji @toto how many nicknames do you have for people ??

waka oh no

dai shit

toto GLAD YOU ASKED.
toto lets see there's: iwa-chan, kou-chan, mattsun, makki, yaba, kyou-ken-chan, kuni-kun, kin-chan, wata-chan, chibi-chan, tobi-chan, eita-chan, moni-chan, libero-chan, tetsu-chan, dai-chan, kou-chan, waka-chan, yuu-chan, ken-chan

tetsu what. the. fuck.

toto why NOT

kenji im just-what- hpw= why-
kenji i have so many questions

tetsu im suddenly questioning my own existence

kou that's, so many, nicknames

dai tag yourself im 'imjust-what- hpw= why-'

waka im 'what. the. fuck.'

tetsu why are you 2 not suprised

dai we've known oikawa since our first year, we've learnt not to question whatever bullshit they spit out anymore

toto DAI-CHAN MEAN >_<

dai oikawa. facts.

kou we have our spring preliminaries soon and my coach is making us constantly practice

kenji ahh seijoh just beat us in the preliminaries last week >:(
kenji speaking of?? doesn't karasuno play against seijoh soon ?

dai uh yeah, the match is on october 26th i think

toto ill crush u dont worry

dai dream on shittykawa

toto WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT

dai hajme 🥰

toto BETRAYED BY MY OWN BESTFRIEND

tetsu best friend? sorry did you mean my ace that im hopelessly in love with ?

toto yes that too

Chapter Text

simp squad  - 2:47am \ Sept 29th 2012

kou YEETED

tetsu YOTE

kou YEETED

tetsu YOTE

toto FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP

kenji no no let them continue

waka see this is why we don't like you

kenji i-

tetsu BWEHF BYE

dai why the everlasting fuck are you heathens awake at this hour

kou gay panic

tetsu gay panic

toto aliens and anxiety

waka trauma

kenji i dont have a reason im just up for funzies

toto never say funzies again

dai wakatoshi-kun? what?

waka ...

dai IS NO ONE ELSE CONCERNED??

tetsu listen, daichi, we all have our fair share of trauma we know what they mean and its better not to budge

toto how tf are kou-chan and tetsu-chan having a gay pain at the same time?

tetsu fukurodani-nekoma joint sleepover.

kou AKAASHI LOOKS SO PRETTY WHILE SLEEPING SOBS

kenji w-why are you sobbing

waka its an expression futakuchi.

tetsu KENMA'S BASICALLY SLEEPING RIGHT ON TOP OF ME IM GOING TO DIE

dai shouldn't you fucktwits be sleeping rather than staring at your setters

kou YOU HYPOCRITE I'VE SEEN YOU STARE AT SUGA'S LEGS AT PRACTICE

toto SEJFKN DAI-CHAN YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL THEM OUT

dai I CAN EXPLAIN

kenji can you though

dai If you give me thirty seconds to think of a good lie, yes

waka (hopeless gays)

tetsu EXCUSEYOU??
tetsu USHIWAKA?

waka yes? what's wrong?

kou YOU LTTLE

waka i didn't say anything, oikawa did i say anything?

toto hmm no not that i can think of? 

tetsu FUCK YOU BOTH SO MUCH

kenji trust me you don't want to fuck them

dai are you speaking from experience or...

toto I HAVE BETTER STANDARDS THAN FUCKING FUTAKUCHI FUCK YOU TERU

waka I would rather die than have sex with Futakuchi.

dai for the love of god please go to sleep 

kou SLEEP IS FOR THE WEEK

tetsu i hate you all

kenji you say that as if you wouldn't die for bokuto in a heartbeat

tetsu .. i hate you all

simp squad - 4:37am \ Sept 30th 2012

tetsu AND THAT IS WHY ALIENS ARE NOT REAL

toto i- i've shown you the evidence!! ALIENS ARE REAL U IMBECILE

waka why are you all still awake

kenji better question: why are YOU awake

waka i keep my phone under my pillow and the notifications woke me up

kou dude- phone under a pillow is like a sure shot way to die

waka i know.

toto pftt i always sleep with a knife under my pillow,, y'know just incase someone tries to kill me

kenji why would anyone want to kill you-

dai actually i know a lot of people that would love to kill oikawa, myself included.

tetsu me too

waka ...

toto WAKA-CHAN DONT U DARE

waka me three

kou me four

toto KOU-CHAN #2 YOU TOO?? IM SO ALONE SOBBING AND CRYING 

kenji u still have me ;)

toto no fuck you salty ass hoe

dai i.. i still done get why you hate bun

waka lots of reasons

toto THIS ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE.
toto STOLE MY DATE.

kenji OH COME ON? THATS WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

toto UH YES??

tetsu explanation ??

dai please just solve this and go the fuck to sleep im tired

waka i agree, we have practice soon

toto IN MY 2ND YEAR. WHEN FUTAKUCHI WAS A FIRST YEAR. I WAS ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE AND THIS MF A S S H O L E JUST SHOWS UP AND S T E A L S M DATE???
toto HE WAS HOT TOO

kenji THAT WAS MY COUSIN YOU FRENCH STEAMED WHORE

toto IVE HEARD THAT EXCUSE BEFORE SALTY MC SALTYNESS

tetsu who would be dumb enough to date you

toto your mom actually

tetsu YOUR MOM JOKES?? IN THIS DAY AND AGE?

kou i have never cringed harder

waka do you get your comebacks from your mom tooru?

toto FUCK YOU WHORES

tetsu can we roll back to where futakuchi called oikawa a french steamed whore bc i feel like there's a lot to unpack there

kenji i said what i said shit fucks

dai why,, why a french steamed whore

kenji they're a pretentious asshole,, therefore french steamed whore

dai understandable have a nice day

kou i have an idea

tetsu oh no

kenji oh ho oh?

waka go wild

toto WILDCATS!

waka .. what

kou huh

toto YALL HAVENT WATCHED HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL??

tetsu no? should we have?

dai oh god not that abominations

kenji i've heard of it

toto FUCK YOU DAICHI HSM IS A STAPLE MOVIE TO WATCH
toto that's it, this weekend. we're all watching hsm

tetsu me and bo are in tokyo though?

toto does it look like i give a flying fuck? you will come here to watch hsm

kou jeez okay you french steamed whore

kou changed toto's name to french steamed whore

french steamed whore what the fuck

tetsu BAHHAHHAHSAHS

dai how do you still do a hyena laugh over t e x t

tetsu my mouth can do many wonders daichi,, wanna find out?

dai ew god no id rather fling myself off the nearest cliff

waka i'm going to go to sleep. i've found out way too much about you all tonight for my sleep-addled brain to process

kou boo you whore

kenji did u, did u just call top 3 national ace ushijima a whore

kou am i wrong?

dai well

french steamed whore YOU ARE INFACT NOT WRONG THANK YOU

tetsu oya øya øya?

kou doesn't ushi like a taken man

waka possibly taken. 
waka and i think i might like my best friend too

kenji .. that makes it worse
kenji you see how that makes it worse right?

tetsu QUICK LIST ALL THE PEOPLE YOUVE DATED/LIKED OR HOOKED UP WITH

kenji i don't remember everyone I've hooked up with but i went on a couple dates w/ tanaka from krsn

dai what the fuck? sTAY AWAY FROM MY KIDS YOU WHORE

kou :D LOOK

dai what the fuck> sTAY AWAY FROM MY KIDS YOU WHORE

kou HE CALLED THEM HIS KIDS

dai KOUHAI. I MEANT KOUHAI

french steamed whore uh ive dated koushi and this girl called aoi,, thats it i think

tetsu bo and i actually dated for a bit when we first met and then i had a dumb crush on yaku for a while but that was all mostly to get over kenma,,
tetsu spoiler it didn't work

french steamed whore you?? and bo-kun?? 
french steamed whore @kou i thought you had better standards than a greasy cat

kou that was b4 i met akaashi,, akaashi raised my standards by like a 1000

tetsu BO I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

kou we were friends until you drunk kissed akaashi

tetsu WE WERE PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE. YOU KISSED KENMA TOO REMEMBER

kenji why are your love lives so confusing

french steamed whore its not fun if its easy

kenji you 3 strike me as the type of people that say 'i cause problems on purpose'

french steamed whore ...

kou ...

tetsu ...

dai you've said those haven't you

kou m a y p e r h a p s

dai i dated this girl yui, she's our girls teams captain and i dated one of my middle school friends, he plays for tokonami now

waka i dated reon in our first year, then i dated kiyoomi in my second year, and then after that i went on a few dates with kita but we decided to stay friends instead

kou and now you like your best friend and your setter
kou i was ri g ht WHORE

kenji ive only ever been on like 3 dates

french steamed whore ?? why ??

kenji you'll find it surprising how many people reject you after finding out you use neopronouns

french steamed whore B UL LSHIT 
french steamed whore TMRW @ 7PM IM SETTING YOU UP  ON A DATE IDC WHAT YOU SAY

dai why are you so confusing, you hate bun one second and the other you're setting bun up on a date.

french steamed whore setting people up is the only thing i have going for me in life leave me alone

tetsu you're a renowned setter, one of the smartest people in your school and you think matchmaking is your skill in life?

french steamed whore no i was just fishing for compliments

tetsu bitch

french steamed whore changed tetsu's name to greasy cat

greasy cat ..
greasy cat .. what did i ever do to you french steamed whore
greasy AND WHO GAVE YOU MOD??

french steamed whore god

waka you all scare me sometimes?

kenji sometimes? these bitches be scaring the living daylights out of me 24/7

waka this is the one and only time i will agree with you

greasy cat the rest of you just lack a sense of humour

kou no! I LAUGH AT AKAASHI'S JOKES ALL THE TIME

greasy cat thats because youre a simp, doesn't mean they're funny

kou ... your sense of humour is 2008 memes sit down greasy cat

dai oikawa's sense of humour is your mom jokes i dont think they have any place to judge

french steamed whore knock knock

dai who's there

french steamed whore a bitch

dai oh tell kuroo to go away

tetsu ??

waka he's implying youre a bitch

tetsu YES I AM AWARE BUT W H Y

dai ruined my sleep

kou GOODFUCKING NIGHT BITCHES

Chapter Text

simp squad - 12:34am \ Oct 1st 2012

greasy cat you guys have no idea how unearthly gorgeous this person is
greasy cat and completely out of my league

french steamed whore woah calm down there romeo, your gay panic is valid
french steamed whore but it's not as bad as mine

kenji on the contrary i think ushijima is the worst

waka excuse you ?

kenji m y  g u y
kenji you're pining after a taken guy,, idk how much worse you can get

waka futa don't act as if you didnt have a crush on karasuno's mini-captain when they were in a relationship

dai excuse me what

yuuji kenji had a crush on your #7 even when they were dating that one dude from kakugawa

dai i am, i am so confused

greasy cat anyways,, back to me

french steamed whore literally everything is about you

greasy cat as it should be
greasy cat where's bo?

kenji @kou where you @ ??

greasy cat bokutooooo koutarouuuu

french steam whore BOKKUN

dai dont you have his number kuroo? just? call them?

waka I on the other hand am going to go to bed. Goodnight.

kenji ushiwaka neither uses perfect punctuation and grammar or types like they're high
kenji there's no in between

greasy cat good idea daichi i'll try that

waka question,, we all call each other by our family names but everyone calls daichi, daichi

french steamed whore that's because he's daichi

waka it's because he's daichi

greasy cat think of it like this, would you call your dad by his family name? no right? same thing, different font

dai oh fuck no i am not responsible for you heathens

kenji  t h e n  w h o  i s ?

dai kozume is for kuroo, akaashi is for bokuto, iwaizumi for oikawa and moniwa for futakuchi

waka and me ?

dai i would love to meet the person that is able to manage your ass

greasy cat le gasp the shade

french steamed whore THATS MY THING CHUCKLE FACE

kenji chuckle-face? really?

french steamed whore see this is why nobody loves you

kenji ouch

waka deserved

kou ushiwaka's team captain must be the person that can handle them right? who is it?

greasy cat ...

kenji...

dai ...

french steamed whore .. how are you in class 7

greasy cat all of us are captains

kou  unwillingly

french steamed whore okay cryptid keep yall secrets

kou IM NOT BEING CRYPTID IM JUST BUSY

waka @kou i am the captain

greasy cat oh yeah doing what

kou im working over the bracket for the spring qualifiers that start up soon

greasy cat oh shit i should look into that too

kenji i meant, ushiwaka's captain when they were a first/second year

dai the image of wakatoshi being anything other than a 3rd year is confusing 

french steamed whore same
french steamed whore im pretty sure ushiwaka was born 20 years old

waka i was not born 20 years old
waka and my previous captain was ozaki fuji

greasy cat lets add them

dai what is wrong with you

greasy cat a lot of things, do you want the list sorted by severity or alphabetically

french steamed whore you all scare me
french steamed whore and i have iwa-chan for a best friend so that says something

kou isnt the point of being captain to instill fear in others

kenji ..no

dai do any of you even manage your own teams

waka we cannot add my old captain tyvm

greasy cat i manage practices and stuff! .. but kai and yaku normally do the boring paperwork shit

french steamed whore have you met my team? do you really think anyone on there is capable to manage us?

dai .. fair

kenji i work with my manager, we do the work equally

dai so you mean to tell me, that out of all of you, the only one that does his fucking job is futakuchi

kenji WHY DID YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT

dai i pray for your teams

waka i think my team will be in good hands after i leave

kou im baaack
kou what are we talking about

greasy cat back read

kou oh!
kou my team will be in great hands! im making akaashi captain

kenji im going to be captain again next year so :p

french steamed whore  *hiss* second years

dai first years are so nice, and then they turn into 2nd years

french steamed whore i'm making yahaba captain to continue the setter captain trend ^_^

dai we let the 2nd years decide on their own, i think they decided on ennoshita

kou FUTAKUCHII
yuuji YOU GET TO BE CAPTAIN WITH UR CRUSHH

greasy cat i wanted to make kenma captain but i know if i do that they will skin me alive so i haven't decided yet

waka i'm making shirabu captain,
waka bun's the only one on the team to have passes shiratorizawa's entrance exam test and everyone is scared of them

kenji of course you are you useless fucking gay

waka i- i feel called out and i don't like it

kenji WHY ARE YOU ALL SO GAY

french steamed whore the internet

waka god

greasy cat do i look like i know-

dai suga

kou akaashi

french steamed whore i-

greasy cat LMAO FAIR, EVERYONE IS A LITTLE GAY FOR SUGA AND AKAASHI

dai excuse me

kou what

kenji what they mean is that both of your crushes are extremely hot and you should ask them out before they do

greasy cat basically yeah

kenji am i the one captain ever that isnt' stupidly gay??

waka no the inarizaki captain doesn't like anyone i dont think

dai inari what now

kou OH YOU MEAN KITA??

waka yes

kou WE SHOULD ADD THEM OMG WAIT

french steamed whore WHO??

greasy cat wait what's going on-

kenji IDK

kou added kita shinsuke

kita ... hello ?

waka hello kita shinsuke

kita wakatoshi-kun how many times do i have tell you that just kita is fine.

waka sorry, kita

greasy cat hello whoever u are! welcome to the captains gc

kita oh?
kita i dont know like.. any of you, so do you mind if we do introductions?

french steamed whore ofc! im oikawa tooru, they/them aoba johsai 3rd yr captain 'n setter

dai wh why are u mentioning that ur captains this is literally a captains gc everyone is a captain
dai sawamura daichi, he/him, karasuno 3rd year

greasy cat bc they lack in the mental department
greasy cat kuroo tetsurou, they/them nekoma 3rd year

kenji futakuchi kenji, he/bun 2nd year date tech
kenji im pretty sure theyre both in advanced classes-

kou u already know me and ushi !!!

kita i'm kita shinsuke, they/them inarizaki 3rd year

greasy cat WAIT OMG

greasy cat changed kita's name to kitkat

kitkat literally why

greasy cat why not

french steamed whore so where were we
french steamed whore oh right,, we were trying to see something,, apparently all captains are extremely gay and ushiwaka said u were the only exception

kenji PLS BE A NORMAL GAY PLS BE A NORMAL GAY

kitkat ...

waka well?

kita added miya osamu

miya uh.. shin?

kitkat hi everyone meet my date mate

greasy cat DATE MATE OMG

french steamed whore OHMYGOD

kenji  s i g h s

miya what the actual fuck

kenji back read

miya wh
miya .. srsly shin?

kitkat yes

waka so all captains aRE inexplicably gay?

kenji NUH UH IM STILL NORMAL

french steamed whore you are everything but normal, sit down bitch boy

miya .. can i leave now

kitkat yes

miya thank

miya osamu left simp squad

greasy cat wait who is futakuchi gay for

french steamed whore krsn's ennoshita

kenji SHUT THE FUCK UP WHORE

dai futakuchi.

kenji .. yes

dai stay away from my team

french steamed whore LMAO DAI-CHAN IS STRAIGHT UP COCKBLOCKING U BEFORE YOU EVEN TALK TO THE GUY

waka there is nothing straight about this

greasy cat i- 

Chapter Text

simp squad - 4:31pm \ Oct 9th 2012

french steamed whore i
french steamed whore am so gay

dai we know oikawa

french steamed whore i am so fucking gay

greasy cat you're vv valid and we (Sometimes) appreciate you but do you really have to come out every afternoon after your team finishes practice

french steamed whore EVERYONE IS HOT

kitkat i present you: Oikawa tooru, disaster bi pretending to be distinguished

greasy cat i take that and i raise you: bokuto koutarou, disaster bi pretending to be functional

french steamed whore i hear you people but may i suggest: sawamura daichi reluctant disaster gay pretending to be distinguished

kou okay but futakuchi kenji, disaster bi .

kenji i

waka kita shinsuke, chaotic gay pretending to be functional

kitkat thanks i hate it

kou ushijima wakatoshi: dumb gay

kenji kuroo tetsurou: a fucking asshole

greasy cat WHAT DID I DO TO YOU

kenji breath 

greasy cat i

french steamed whore maybe futakuchi has some rights

kenji i try

greasy cat did
greasy cat did they just bond over hating me

french steamed whore yes

greasy cat i hate this fucking groupchat

kou even me??

dai ? and me ?

greasy cat i would pay good money to watch oikawa and daichi get run over by a car

dai i

dai left the chat !
kenji added dai to the chat !

kenji get back here bitch

dai i hate this fucking family

simp squad - 5:19pm \ Oct 9th 2012

french steamed whore so tangled

kou what about it

french steamed whore nothing i just really love it

dai isnt
dai istn that a kids movie

french steamed whore TANGLED IS A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE SHUT THE FUCK UP DAICHI
french steamed whore FIRST HSM AND NOW TANGLED??
french steamed whore GOD ITS LIKE YOU HAVE NO TASTE

greasy cat damn if i knew that all it took for Oikawa to get annoyed was insulting disney movies i would've done it sooner

waka i like tangled

french steamed whore .

french steamed whore left the chat !

waka was it something i said?

kou ofc not you're doing great

dai i think just ur mere existence pisses them off

greasy cat no one add them back

kitkat are you all often this crazy

dai crazier

kitkat yik e s

kenji i'm just standing here like: 3rd years are fuckin WACK

kitkat speaking off, why ARE you here

kenji i'm a captain duh

kitkat yes i know that but like ur a 2nd year

kenji what's that supposed to mean??

kitkat 2nd years are a fucking menace

dai SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

waka i like my 2nd year
waka shirabu

greasy cat kenma's a 2nd year no kenma slander

dai i honestly thought kenma was a first year when i met the is that bad .

greasy cat im

kenji are they tiny ??

dai no
dai just the vibes

kou AKAASHI IS A 2ND YEAR TOO NO SLANDER

kitkat im surprised you can spell slander

kou isnt ur date mate a 2nd year

kitkat yes and theyre a fucking menace

dai wait kita u havent told us who ur next captain is going to be

kitkat DONT REMIND ME I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

dai JSD

kitkat kosaku and ginjima are both to quiet and can't assert themselves well enoguh
kitkat suna would be my pick but they're too antisocial and threatened me if i made them captain
kitkat so its between the twins
kitkat aka between my date mate and their twin

greasy cat shit thats tough

kitkat the logical option would b atsumu but i dont want osamu to feel bad

kou tsumu's like bat shit crazy though

kitkat true btu
kitkat he's also the most passionate abt the sport and he knows how to handle the team

kitkat he just can't handle himself

kitkat which is why im thinking atsumu captain and osamu vice

french steamed whore y are 2nd years so confusing

kenji im cool though right
kenji guys
kenji GUYS

simp squad - 6:01am \ Oct 10th 2012

dai wait @kenji ur old captain was moniwa-kun right

kenji yeah

dai cool bye

kenji wh

dai added moniwa to the chat !

kenji WHERJEJANSR

moniwa sawamura-kun? what?

dai ur kouhai 😃 is 😃 a 😃 menace

kenji YOU TOO??

french steamed whore I HEARD FUTAKUCHI SLANDER AND RAN

kenji FUCK ALL OF YOU

moniwa yeah im just gonna leave

moniwa left the chat !

kou i am so confused

greasy cat when are you not??

kou ouch my feelings

greasy cat fuck ur feelings

kitkat why r all of you so aggressive today

dai preliminaries are today

kitkat ohhh we had ours a month ago

waka did u win?

kitkat ofc we did

french steamed whore so ur going to nationals?

kitkat ye

french steamed whore damn thats great

greasy cat our prefecture has 3 spots so its more like a game of who's not going

kou itachiyama and fukurodani basically have a guaranteed spot so its mostly between nekoma and nohebi

greasy cat cocky much??

kou no im just looking at it logically,, we've gone to nationals for the past 2 years? i doubt nohebi can beat us out??

dai there are 5 miyagi teams in here and only 1 spot at nationals
dai can we all promise not to get mad if we loose a game?

waka ofc

french steamed whore im not that much of a bitch

kitkat wow u had me fooled

greasy cat get their ass

kenji what ass

french steamed whore YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SECOND RATE PIECE OF SHIT

kou i've watched miyagi's interhigh and then we practiced with krsn over the summer so im thinking its between seijoh and krsn

waka wh ...

kitkat huh

kou no offence ushijima but ur team hasn't bonded well . theyre all good players for sure and you are close but you dont push each other to best they can be
kou karasuno and seijoh are much better at that 

french steamed whore bo you are now my new favourite person i love u

kenji whAT ABT US

kou date tech will 100% win next year but im not rlly sure abt rn

kenji o h ?

kitkat yk i've always wondered
kitkat like i've seen oikawa's middle school matches and current ones and they're rlly good

french steamed whore aww thanks

kitkat so why didnt he go to shiratorizawa? im sure they got a scholarship from there so why didnt they?

french steamed whore ...

french steamed whore has left the chat !