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“Dan, I’m having reservations.”
“About what?”
Herbert arched an eyebrow at him. In the moving car the moonlight flickered in and out between tall pine trees, catching on Herbert’s glasses and winking as if in morse code. Dan would find it pretty if Herbert weren’t currently giving him an unimpressed look. Although, Dan found any expression on Herbert’s face pretty, even—and sometimes, especially—the unamused ones.
“Isn’t this the part in every dumb horror movie where the unsuspecting couple gets pounced on and slaughtered by the killer?” Mirth flickered over his face and he huffed a laugh. “Or do we need to be more horizontal for that?”
Dan’s cheeks blazed and he turned back to stare at the dirt road. Herbert, who reserved any terms of affection like they were treasured artefacts, referring to them as a ‘couple’ so casually was enough to make Dan blush, let alone thinking of them like that.
Not that that hadn’t been on Dan’s mind in the month or so that he and Herbert had begun dating. Even before he’d mustered up the courage to first approach him he’d thought of Herbert. Caught himself staring at his lips in class, how he’d catch the end of his pencil between his teeth and gently gnaw. The thinness of his wrists poking out of the baggy sleeves of his sweater, the pale column of his neck and the dark hairs that brushed his collar, the low rumble of his voice- it all drew Dan in like a guppy to the glow of an anglerfish. It kept him up some nights, his imagination and his hand entertaining thoughts of that mouth, and skin, and voice.
Dan shook his head, flinging the vulgar thoughts out the window. The last thing he needed right now was to get caught up in a fantasy when Herbert was sitting right next to him. Herbert, who had made no indication thus far that he was ready for anything…horizontal.
“It’s just a little further,” he eventually said.
Herbert hummed, staring out at the night sky and woods all around them. “Quite the drive. And you won’t even tell me what it is.”
Dan smiled at his near-pout. “It’s a secret. Can’t have all the other guys taking their girls here.”
Herbert rolled his eyes. “Yes, that would be a real shame.”
They pulled up at a small out-cropping, the tires crunching on the gravel as Dan stepped out of the car.
Herbert followed, eyeing the spot doubtfully. “Are you sure this isn’t Make-out Point?”
Dan laughed, grabbing Herbert’s hand. “Yes, I’m sure. Now, come on.”
“You mean we’re still not there?”
“Why? You got some place to be?”
Herbert sighed. “I’ve already broken curfew. What’s a few more hours?”
Dan lead him through a gap in the trees, one hand holding a flashlight, the other keeping a firm grip on his hand and holding him steady as they ducked under branches, stepped over logs, and made their way across a shallow creek.
Herbert paused at the running water but Dan stepped onto a flat rock, smiling at Herbert in what he hoped was an encouraging way. It must have worked because Herbert followed after him on shaky legs, almost slipping backwards on the final stepping stone. Dan yanked him forward by the wrist and Herbert stumbled into his chest. Dan staggered back, catching his elbows and just keeping them both from careening into the nettles and pinecones below. Herbert blinked up at him, his glasses knocked askew. They were almost nose-to-nose. He smiled a wry smile and squeezed Dan’s shoulders.
“My hero,” he droned, but Dan still grinned and caught his lips in a quick kiss.
Herbert wrinkled his nose but didn’t pull back. Dan was tempted to stay there, locked in a loose embrace, maybe gently push Herbert back against the soft bark of the tree and kiss him until his lips parted and he was sighing into his mouth. But they were almost there, so Dan mustered up some restraint and kept going, his fingers still laced with Herbert’s.
They trekked on, and just as Herbert began to complain about his feet hurting, Dan pushed aside a low-hanging branch and pulled Herbert after him. They stepped into a small clearing of grass amongst the thick pines, the sudden space making Dan suck in a deep, relaxing breath.
Herbert blinked as Dan lead him through the tall grass brushing their knees. His eyes were big and owlish behind his glasses, taking in the sharp cut of the forest’s silhouette against the night sky. Through the gaps in the trees they could see the twinkling lights of the town far below them. It was always the height of the view that caught Dan’s breath, and looking side-long at Herbert, he thought he could see that same breathlessness reflected in the other boy.
Dan dropped the backpack from his shoulders and fished out the blanket he’d packed as Herbert continued to gaze out at the scene before him.
“This is…”
“It’s great, right?” Dan sat down on the blanket, leaning back on his shoulders.
He stared at Herbert staring at the view and thought he only improved the image. He set the flashlight on a rock behind him, casting a halo of light on Herbert. When Herbert turned around his face was lit up and clear, shadows cast all across his sharp face. Dan’s heart ached just looking at him. He thought that was strange; that he longed so desperately for Herbert, who was standing right in front of him.
“It’s lovely, Dan,” Herbert said, the light capturing every movement of his lips.
Dan swallowed against the odd lump in his throat and patted the spot of blanket beside him. Herbert waded through the grass and settled down beside him on his back, his knees bent up and pressed together. Dan scooted closer until their hips were flush. His hand crept between them and found Herbert’s, threading their fingers together.
“I found this place when I was a kid,” Dan said as they both stared up at the black sky. “I was hiking with my mom and ran off. I could hear her calling for me but for some reason I kept going.”
“Dan!” Herbert mock-gasped. “You misbehaved? I’m shocked. My image of you is forever changed.”
“Shut up,” Dan laughed, poking Herbert’s side and making him squirm. “I don’t know why I did it, but I did. I ran until I stumbled onto this place. Almost like I was meant to find it.”
Dan didn’t need to see Herbert’s face to know he was rolling his eyes. “‘Fate’, was it?”
“Yeah, maybe. Something like that.”
“Don’t be absurd. There’s no such thing.”
“There could be.”
“Oh, really?” Herbert rolled onto his side and Dan followed until they were facing each other. “Do you suppose then, for example, that fate brought the two of us together?”
Dan could just make out Herbert’s face in the dark. The glow of the flashlight illuminating the short snub of his nose, the arch of his cheekbones. Dan reached out and cupped his cheek, running his thumb over the soft skin there, his nail brushing the frame of Herbert’s glasses.
“I could believe it,” he said softly.
Herbert’s eyelids dipped and Dan wondered if Herbert really felt the same as him. If his feelings for Dan at all mirrored the well of fondness that got deeper every day that Dan felt for Herbert. Did Herbert’s chest swell like a symphony at every smile? Did his hands itch to hold him like he might turn to smoke at any second? Did he feel their time apart like every minute was an endless, lonely daydream?
“You could believe in anything,” Herbert snorted. “You’re a romantic like that.”
“Well,” Dan said, waggling his eyebrows until Herbert snorted even louder, “you have to admit, this is pretty romantic.”
“It is,” Herbert conceded. He was quiet for a long time. Dan tried to discern his expression, to figure out the equation of what was going through Herbert’s mind, when he spoke. “Have you brought other people here?”
Dan’s brain jogged to catch up with Herbert’s words. “Hm?”
Herbert was glancing away now, not looking as Dan continued to stroke his cheek. “Have you brought other people to this place? Girls? …Meg?” Dan opened his mouth to speak but Herbert plowed on, his breath getting more frenzied. “Is this—? I don’t know—the ace up your sleeve?”
“Herbert.” Dan gripped his chin, turning his face until Herbert finally looked at him. “What does it matter? You’re here with me now. Isn’t that what’s important?”
“The past has a way of staying with us,” Herbert whispered. “Don’t you think about it? The past?”
His eyes were so open and earnest it made Dan’s breath catch in his throat. Herbert, who was so guarded and impenetrable he was Alcatraz, was looking at him desperately, as though waiting for something. Something only Dan could give him.
Dan slid his hand from Herbert’s chin to thread through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck. “You’re all I think about these days.” He pulled him close and sealed their mouths together.
Herbert sucked in a breath, his hands flying up to grip at Dan’s shirt. His touch just spurred Dan on, drawing him closer until their legs were tangled together and they were quietly moaning into each other’s mouths. Every noise Herbert made vibrated against Dan’s lips, sending a pleasant rush low in his gut.
“Dan,” Herbert sighed into his ear and Dan groaned in response.
Out here in the dark of the night they didn’t have to worry about prying ears, they could be as open and loud as they wanted, and, oh, how Dan wanted to hear Herbert. As much as he loved Herbert’s furious hissing, telling him to, ‘quiet down if he wanted the two of them to survive with a bit of dignity!’, he loved this more. Being with Herbert felt like a world populated by just the two of them, with no room for anyone else, so to be completely alone with him had the universe falling into place.
He rolled on top of him, kept kissing him, drinking in the heady rush of their bodies pressed flush together, and worked Herbert’s shirt free of his pants. His hand slipped under the loose fabric, palming at his smooth stomach, passing over the jut of his hipbones and the groves of his ribs.
A sound broke from Herbert that started as a laugh but caught in his throat and came out a moan. He took the lead from Dan, running his hands under Dan’s jacket and grabbing at his back. His touch was slow and meticulous along the contours of Dan’s shoulders and down to his hips. It was that same tireless touch he used in the lab to pour compounds into beakers and slice clean incisions through animal organs. Dan shivered as those dexterous fingers traced the waistband of his jeans.
“Now,” Herbert said, hooking his legs around Dan’s waist and pulling their hips flush together, “is where we’re horrifically murdered.”
“Don’t sound so turned on,” Dan mumbled, trying to keep from grinding his growing erection down, between Herbert’s legs.
Herbert smirked, the stars winking in his eyes. “What can I say? I live for danger.”
Dan couldn’t take it; he kissed him again. Herbert kissed him back with a long, pleased hum, the heel of his shoe dragging over the back of Dan’s thigh. Dan’s eyes fluttered shut, his hands still caressing Herbert’s sides as Herbert squeezed him closer.
Dan thought back to their first date, where Herbert had quietly confessed he’d never kissed anyone. Dan had taken him to the drive-in and they were sitting in Dan’s car, parked down the street from Herbert’s house.
“It’s stupid, really,” he’d mumbled, looking off to the side. “But I know you’re thinking about it, and I guess I am too so…there.”
“It’s not stupid,” Dan had replied, reaching across the centre console to squeeze Herbert’s shaky fingers. “But you’re right. I am thinking about it.”
Herbert had given him that wry smile he loved so much. He hadn’t gotten a kiss from Herbert that day. That had come on the second date.
Now he thought he would never get tired of kissing Herbert. Especially not when Herbert was writhing under him, responding to every touch with raking hands and obscene noises. He’d slipped off his glasses—a sure sign that he anticipated this lasting a good while, much to Dan’s excitement—and he bit at Dan’s lip, making him gasp.
Oh, my god. He’s gonna kill me.
“Not to feed into your ego,” Herbert murmured against his mouth, “but you’re very good at this.”
Dan arched an eyebrow at that. “My ego?”
“Shut up. I know you know you’re good at all this kissing business.”
“A business, is it?”
“Yes. And you’ve built a solid practice.” Herbert kissed his jaw and hummed, the sound vibrating through his lips to Dan’s pulse point. “Established your method.” He kissed Dan’s closed eyelids. “Really made a name for yourself amongst the market.” He kissed him on the mouth again and again. The sound of their lips smacking together, loud and unbidden in the crisp, night air had Dan’s head spinning.
“Herbert,” he whispered and his voice came out reverent. “Herbert.”
“Dan,” Herbert breathed, answering his prayer. “You’re so-“
“I think I love you.”
Herbert went still beneath him and it took Dan’s brain a moment to catch up with his mouth. “I think I love you.”
Dan’s eyes flew open and he eased back. Herbert’s wide, shocked gaze sent ice prickling down Dan’s spine.
“You what?” Herbert said, his pupils darting all over Dan’s face.
“I- uh- This! I love this.“
They both looked at each other. He hadn’t meant to say it. The words had slipped right past his filter, through his lips like a wisp of smoke. He had not meant to say it. Herbert was staring at him like he’d just been told he’d swallowed a cyanide pill and had two hours to live.
“I…erm…thank you..?”
Dan winced. “You don’t-“ but he broke off with a sigh. He eased back and Herbert slowly scuttled back across the blanket, putting distance between them. Dan wanted to reach out, tell him ‘haha! Just kidding!’ and pick up up where they’d left off. But the night air, which had been warm and relaxing a moment ago now chilled his cold, sweaty brow. “Look,” Dan said, if only to get Herbert to stop looking so panicked, “I didn’t mean to say it.”
“Right.” Herbert pulled his knees up to his chest and picked at a stray thread on the blanket. “It was an accident.”
“Yes,” Dan agreed. He thought maybe he could convince Herbert he didn’t mean it. That his ‘romantic side’ had gotten caught up in the moment and he’d just said it. Except that would be a lie. “I…meant it though. Mean it.” Herbert kept scratching at the blanket, his fingers getting faster and more agitated. “I’ve always liked you. Now you know just how much I like you.”
“Mhmm.” Even the hum came out high and reedy.
“Herbert,” Dan sighed, reaching for his hand. Herbert’s fingers went still as Dan gently squeezed. “You don’t have to say it back, it’s okay.”
“Oh.” His shoulders sagged and he finally looked at Dan. “You’re not upset?”
“No,” Dan laughed, scooting over to sit next to him. “Well, I’m upset at myself that I said it like that. I wish it had been more special or something.”
“Dan,” Herbert said, sounding exasperated. “If you told this story to anyone they’d think I’m the luckiest guy in town.” He threw his hands out to encapsulate the clearing, the trees, the moonlit night, and the view of their little suburban town. “How many people have their boyfriend take them to some perfect little spot in the woods on a warm, clear night to tell them that? It’s ridiculous.”
“Well, I didn’t bring you here for that,” Dan mumbled.
“Right,” Herbert smirked. “It was for something more…hmm…wicked?”
“Not that either!”
Herbert fell back against the blanket in a fit of giggles. He was still tittering as Dan huffed and laid down beside him, the two of them shoulder-to-shoulder once more.
Herbert slipped his glasses back on and hummed at the sky. “I wonder though. Is this your first time being a little premature?”
Dan smacked his chest, flushing, as Herbert laughed. “Shut up.”
“I notice you’re not denying it.”
“I notice you’re annoying.”
Herbert tipped his head to the side and pouted. “Don’t say that. You love me.”
“Oh, my God.” Dan buried his face in his hands, sure Herbert was intent on giving him a heart attack. “You- Ugh!”
Herbert laughed and tugged at his arms but Dan didn’t budge. “Daaaan. Oh, Dan, I’m just teasing, come on.” His tugging abruptly stopped and he gasped. “Dan…look.”
Dan slowly drew his hands away, blinking in the darkness until his eyes adjusted and focused on Herbert’s profile. Herbert’s mouth was open and he was staring with open wonder at some lights floating a few feet from his face. Dan sat up when he realised what they were: fireflies.
The tiny bugs were gently rising from the swaying grass and between low branches, their bodies lit up in a soft, golden glow. Herbert held up his hand. A firefly settled on his finger for a second before buzzing on, it’s glow passing over Herbert’s glasses and bringing out the green in his hazel eyes. He laughed once, short and amazed and he looked on at the fireflies, hanging around them like tiny stars.
“Incredible,” he breathed. “I’d try to catch these little suckers when I was a kid but they always flew away from me.”
Dan smiled, the cold sweat gone, the ice in his gut melted into a warm puddle. He put an arm around Herbert’s shoulders and drew him close, pressing a kiss into his hair.
“I love fireflies.”
“Me too,” Herbert said softly as they both sat and stared out at the beautiful night.