Chapter Text
Sometimes, in the quiet hours, he wonders what he could have possibly done to deserve to have the rare wonder that is Laura Roslin as a staple in his life. To have even survived the mass annihilation of the human race is in itself a gift, but to have been thrown into this new evolution of survival with someone of her strength and inner beauty is one of the greatest gifts he could imagine. Nights like tonight, however, he wonders which of the gods he doesn’t believe in is so hell-bent on torturing him with their willing accomplice.
She was sitting closer than usual. He was positive that she had shifted subtly closer the last time she had gotten up and returned to the couch. Being a logical man, he had almost convinced himself that he had imagined it, but her shoulder brushed against his own as she turned the page of the report she was reading, and her thigh brushed against his every time she leaned forward to grab another. Not that he could create a rational thought since the synapsis of his brain misfired every time that she leaned closer to point out something to him from the paper in her hand, but he was sure that she was sitting closer now. Over the past several weeks, he had been careful to ensure he only drank water while she was in his quarters; because he felt far more for her than was appropriate, and he found himself having to work diligently to keep his feelings tightly reigned in any time they were in the same room. He knew that he needed to take a step back if he had any hope of getting past it. She was his best friend outside of Saul, and he couldn't stomach the thought of losing that by making her uncomfortable. He just needed to put a little distance between them until he could work this out.
He stood and moved towards the drink cart to refill his water as an excuse, and she glanced up at his sudden move.
"You okay?"
He offered her a tight smile. "Just getting more water. You need anything?"
Her own smile was soft and made his heart jolt as she turned to watch him from where she sat. She propped her head up on the elbow she was resting on the back of the couch, and her head tilted endearingly as she studied him. "No, thank you."
He tried to keep his attention on the water he was pouring, but her watchful gaze was distracting.
"What's the chances that we could ever have the night off?" she asked, and he looked up with a raised brow.
"A night off? To do what?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. "Anything but paperwork. We could play cards...read a book together...maybe find something to smoke."
The spark in her eyes as she made the last suggestion brought a genuine smile to his face, and he took a sip of his water to buy himself a moment to think. "If you finally had a night off, you'd want to spend it with me?"
"Of course," she answered immediately as if she were surprised that he could possibly think otherwise. "Why? Would you not want to spend your time off with me?"
Her tone was teasing, but there was a hint of insecurity edging her words that only a man so desperately in love with her would have noticed. "There's no one I'd rather spend my time with than you, Laura," he reassured her, but her look turned thoughtful.
"I don't suppose there's really a lot of options for you to share your company with these days."
Though she said it flippantly, her eyes narrowed, and it bothered him to think she would find herself to be a last option for his attention. "It doesn't matter," he said with a soft smile as he moved back towards the couch. "I'd always choose to spend my time with you."
Her eyes sparked once more as she watched him. A playful smile tugged on her lips, and she shook her head in amusement. "I don't know about that...you didn't like me very much when we met. I do recall some time I spent vacationing in your brig."
The phrasing she chose made him chuckle, but he shook his head and narrowed his eyes at her. "Perhaps you also remember the events that precipitated your...."vacation". I would also like to remind you that I forgave you and went down to that planet to rescue you."
"Rescue me?" she scoffed, "We remember things quite differently, Bill."
"It seems we do, Laura," he agreed and took a seat on the couch next to her a little further away than the one he had occupied previously. Her smile faltered for a fraction of a second, and he almost thought he imagined it.
"I don't suppose it matters now,” she shrugged, and the smile once more found its way to her lips, “but if anyone would have told me then that you'd be my closest friend and come to mean more to me than anyone ever has, I'd have thought they'd helped themselves to some of my Chamalla."
His heart wanted to fixate on the idea that he meant more to her than anyone ever has, but his brain kept replaying two words like a siren in his head: "closest friend".
He was her friend and any notion that he carried of ever being more to her was a pipe dream. What could he possibly have to offer a woman like Laura Roslin? She was the most incredible woman he had ever known, and he had no hope of ever having her think of him the way he thought of her. He forced a smile on his face and hoped it looked sincere enough to keep her from questioning him.
"What's on your mind, Bill? You've been quiet tonight," she asked softly and her fingers ghosted across his shoulder.
The look of concern in her eyes was almost his undoing, but close friends don’t admit to being desperately in love with their close friend. He shook his head and tried to look convincing as he said, "I'm sorry. I'm just tired."
"I should go then, and let you get some rest," she suggested with a sympathetic smile, and he wanted nothing more than to beg her to stay; but he knew his heart and mind were not in a good place, and her presence was wearing down his self-control.
She leaned closer and slid her palm against his cheek as her eyes searched his. "Get some rest, Bill. I worry about you."
His hand came up to hold hers to his cheek as he allowed himself just a moment to enjoy her touch. "I worry about you too, Laura. You should really take a night off soon. You've earned it."
Her smile was radiant as her thumb gently stroked his cheek, and his heart pounded painfully in his chest. "I think we both have. You pick a night and I'll find us some cards...or something to smoke."
"Deal," he agreed and felt the sudden rush of loss as she pulled her hand away and stood to leave.
He walked her to the hatch, and she hesitated as if she really didn't want to go. She turned to him with a contemplative look as though she wasn't quite sure of herself in that moment. Her eyes met his, and the soft look of affection and worry he saw there made his chest feel tight.
Before he could process her movements, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. Her head fell gently against his shoulder as her hands spread across his back. His own arms moved around her automatically, and he caught her soft sigh as she felt him reciprocate.
"I couldn't do this without you, Bill," she whispered, "and I've decided I wouldn't even want to. You're more than just my Admiral, and I'm here. Just...if you ever need anything...I'm here."
"Same to you, Laura," he whispered back, and her arms tightened around him for just a moment before she stepped back with a faint blush on her cheeks.
"Goodnight, Bill," she said with a smile and he reached past her to open the hatch.
"Goodnight, Laura," he replied and watched as she stepped through and nodded to her security detail that she was ready to go.
His heart was heavy as he watched her until she disappeared from sight. He needed to find a way to be content with what she was willing to offer him. Her companionship meant more to him than anything, and he wouldn't let his ache for more get in the way and cost him that.
He just needed a little time away from her to get his head and his heart in sync and then he could be what she wanted.
He'd be her friend.