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Mark slowly closed his eyes as he laid on his bed, questioning his existence in life as his usual morning routine. He stayed up all night playing games with his friends that totally forgot how to act like a functioning human being. He woke up past noon, his mouth dry and his mind groggy from last night’s events.
Mark took out his phone and saw it buzzing with notifications. God, he missed his bandmates. Jackson just flew out to China for a couple of his solo activities. Youngjae was busy with his new DJ gig, Jinyoung had more acting activities lined up for him, Bambam and Yugyeom were busy doing their own thing, and Jaebeom? Well, Mark missed him the most. Jaebeom was busy recording new songs for their team and organizing his upcoming art show. Why was his boyfriend so fucking talented?! Mark screamed in his hands as his dog Milo came running to the room. His baby poodle jumped on the bed and attacked his owner with a thousand kisses. Mark laughed as his puppy showered his face with kisses.
“Hey, Milo, stop!” Mark giggled as he lifted his hyperactive puppy off his body. “It’s just gonna be you and me for a while. Is that okay, buddy?” Mark told his dog. It turns out that their company decided that he and the boys were forcefully put into hiatus for the time being. Unclear news on their next comeback, Mark grabbed his phone and checked his group chat with the rest of his bandmates.
“Just landed in China!” Jackson said in their group chat followed by a hundred different heart emojis and ‘I miss you’ stickers from his best friend.
Mark smiled and texted back, “Call us when you get to your apartment!”
Jackson immediately reacted with a thousand more heart emojis before ending it with a ‘Yes sir’ sticker.
Mark laughed and started humming to himself. It was a familiar song, but he had forgotten the name of the tune. He walked to his kitchen, followed by Milo jumping on his leg as he continued to hum. His hums turned to lyrics, awfully familiar lyrics.
“You, these past few days, no, for a long time, I wondered how you were if you are doing well.”
Mark stopped at the first few lines. “Hey! Hold on! This is my song!” He loudly triumphed as he remembered the name of the song stuck in his head. “Hey, Alexa, play Face by GOT7.” He yelled.
“Now playing Face by GOT7,” The robotic lady voice said through his speakers before Alexa started playing the song.
You, these past few days, no, for a long time, I wondered how you were if you are doing well.
“Doing well…” Mark hummed the last word as he remembered his bandmates, his fans, fuck— his boyfriend. Mark blankly stared at his refrigerator. How was Jaebeom doing these past few days?
Mark slumped onto his couch as Milo’s pitter-pattering followed him up. Milo jumped on his owner. Mark mildly reacted as he was deep into his sentimentality.
I didn't know that you were having a hard time you gotta know now looking at it, baby. There's so much that I wasn't able to do for you.
Aside from their frequent texts Jaebeom never spoke out on his feelings a lot. Mark sighed. How long has he seen his lover?
Hey, if it's not too late. Hey, tell me what I gotta do. By my side, you need to be there.
Mark agreed. Jaebeom was his rock, he leaned on him for almost everything. Mark laughed as he quickly remembered one of their first fights that Brian had to translate each insult thrown at each other. Mark wouldn’t have guessed that snarky know-it-all bastard he used to fight so much as one of the only people he could rely on.
But how come, it never felt mutual?
I’m missing your face. Missing your face; only me. Your eyes that I saw the lips that kissed me.
Mark grumbled as he pressed his hands to his face, covering his eyes. He missed him. God! He missed him so fucking much! He wondered what Jaebeom was doing that moment and wondered if he was thinking about Mark.
I'm missing your face. I miss you dreadfully.
“I’m missing your face…” Mark sang along, continuing his wistful dread. He missed Jaebeom so much, he repeated in his head. He sat up from his position and swayed along with the tune.
Come back to me remember like the first time, we promised last forever.
“I can’t come over today, Mark.”
“It’s been three weeks since we hung out! Please?” Mark begged his boyfriend.
“I’m busy babe, I’ll call you later.”
Later. It was always later. It was always ‘ I’m busy.’ It was always something that kept them apart. Mark fell back to his couch again. When will he see his lover again?
Want to walk the same road holding hands. We can last forever. Ain’t nobody gonna stop us so that's forever.
He missed holding him. He missed spending almost every waking hour with him. The talks until midnight. The days they would just laze around each other’s apartment. Sometimes pick up a book and read together in silence. All Mark wanted was to be with Jaebeom.
We can last forever.
“But what if we don’t?” Mark replied to the song playing in the background.
I don't want to be alone anymore. Only need you in my life to come back to me. I, sometimes as your friends, you aren't far away but why can't I see you why?
Mark feels the world around him start to cloud as he stops listening to the words of the song and thought of his boyfriend.
People don't believe that something lasts forever. Don't think about others. Memories just between us no filter walking our way together. Finding you and my spotlight.
They were preparing to debut, Jaebeom was running through the halls of the practice room just hoping to find Mark.
The American was hiding after getting scolded countless times by their instructor because he didn’t understand the choreography. His body ached from yesterday’s martial art trick lesson and one more flip Mark thought he was about to break. Everything hurts. He didn’t want to disappoint his friends, his family, the other trainees that weren’t chosen, his teammates, and most importantly he didn’t want to disappoint Jaebeom.
He didn’t know why he tried so hard trying to impress him. They fought constantly during their training days, but all Mark wanted to do was make Jaebeom look at him. He buried his head to his knees trying to curl up into a ball as he sat by the fire exit stair.
Mark felt the world fade around him. He just wanted to disappear. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could wake up four years back before he was ever scouted.
Stupid Mark.
Stupid fucking—
The exit door slammed open and Mark flung his head up to see Jaebeom heaving and sweating in his dance clothes.
Why was he here?
Why did he look so good?
Mark sniffled at the sight of his group leader and felt the tears he shoved down his heart well up. His tears started flowing down, Mark whimpered like a child. Jaebeom slowly approached the foreigner, still breathing heavily, trying to regulate his breathing.
“I’m sorry!” Mark cried. “I don’t think I can do it anymore!”
Jaebeom listened to Mark’s cries and stroked his head to calm him down.
“It hurts so much! I’m gonna bring the team down. I don’t want you guys to fail!” Mark cried.
“Stop—”
“I’m the worst. I’m good for nothing and all I do is mess up.”
“Mark that’s not—”
“I don’t think I can take it anymore. I’m just a failure—”
“Mark! Stop you’re not a failure! If anything, I’m the failure!” Jaebeom’s shout echoed through the stairwell.
“What?” You’re not the failure?”
“I am! I failed the first time I debuted, that’s why I’m doing it again! And— And I’m the leader, I should’ve known you were struggling but I ignored you! I’m the failure Mark, I’m the one that’s gonna drag us down!” Jaebeom forced himself to smile as he tried to cheer up Mark. His eyes were just as strained as Mark’s, he too wanted to cry.
“What makes you think you’re a failure?”
“Aren’t I?”
“You’re not. I’m sorry. There’s so much pressure riding on this. I’m just afraid of fucking everything up.”
“You’re not the only one.” Jaebeom coldly said. Mark bit his lip, he knew this argument. He remembered the other trainers that told him the same thing ‘You’re not the only one who’s struggling.’ The invalidation. He hated it. Mark knew that he was causing so much trouble for them. Mark knew he was a failure— “You’re not the only one because there’s Jinyoung, Jackson, Yugyeom, Youngjae, Bambam, and me. You’re not alone. You don’t have to carry so much pressure anymore Mark. You don’t have to be the only one anymore. We’ll understand.”
Mark felt a wave of relief. Right. He wasn’t the only one trying to debut. He wasn’t the only one struggling but that didn’t mean his struggles didn’t matter. “You’re right. I just felt so alone. I—”
“You’re not! And about what the choreographer said, they just don’t understand. Also kinda xenophobic how they look down on you for not understanding Korean.”
“Right?! They expect me to be fluent in this shit?! I talk to Jackson almost 90% of the time and I don’t usually talk!”
“You’re talking to me,” Jaebeom smirked as Mark realized how talkative he became all of a sudden.
“W-well, that’s because—” Mark was flustered and couldn’t find the words for a comeback.
“Thanks for telling me this, Mark. I feel like I can be a reliable leader now.”
“You were always reliable. And talented also kind. Oh, and handsome! And—” Mark paused as he saw Jaebeom flush by the swarm of compliments Mark showered with him. His heart jumped at one point and Mark grabbed his chest to make sure he was okay. Something weird was definitely happening.
Hey, if it's not too late. Hey, tell me what I gotta do. By my side, you need to be there.
‘Congratulations.’ Their first-ever showcase was a success. Mark and all the boys just came back from their first show as GOT7. Youngjae and Bambam both passed out upon entrance and Jaebeom and Jackson had to carry them back to their rooms. Jackson made the mistake in carrying Youngjae to Mark and Bambam’s room, but Mark told him not to bother.
“I’ll just sleep with Jaebeom tonight,” Mark yawned.
“What?!”
“Oh, unless you don’t want to. I can sleep on the—”
“Jinyoung hyung passed out on the couch!” Yugyeom squeezed himself into the conversation.
“Well, that leaves the couch out of question. I’ll see if Jackson can carry Jinyoung to his room,” Mark sleepily said giving another yawn.
“I think we should leave him be. Our manager can handle him when he gets up,” Jaebeom stopped Mark as he shyly took his arm into his hand. “You can sleep with me for the time being.”
They head straight to Jaebeom and Youngjae’s shared room. It was the smallest room and the two boys often would share a bed and cuddle for warmth. Mark yawned and fell straight on to the cot where he felt safe. Jaebeom grumbled as he scolded Mark for not changing into proper sleeping clothes. “Not today, please,” The elder pleaded.
“Ugh, fine. Scoot over, I wanna lay down.” Mark wiggled his butt to move closer to the wall as Jaebeom laid right beside him, face to face. “Turning off the lights,” Jaebeom quickly turned his back from Mark shutting off the lights as they were now shrouded in complete darkness. “We have a free day tomorrow so make sure you rest today.”
“‘Kay.”
“We finally debut, huh. Well, I guess this is my second time doing it.”
“I’m glad I got to debut with you. And everyone else,” Mark coughed at the end, his voice was starting to get hoarse. The day of excited scream and live performances finally got to him and figured he should make ginger tea in the morning.
“What’s the next step? We’ve debuted, now what?”
“I dunno? Get famous? Release all the music you want to release? Maybe wait until the dating ban is lifted, get a girlfriend?”
“You wanna get a girlfriend?”
“No. I’m not particularly interested in… Uh.”
“Yeah… Me neither.”
“Oh.” Mark blushed. He didn’t know if Jaebeom could see it but he was incredibly flustered. Ever since the fire exit incident, Mark was so wary of his actions toward Jaebeom. He always felt like one day he’d slip up and confess. Mark always feared that maybe he wasn’t gay or slightly interested that he just ruined his dynamic with a teammate he cherished so dearly.
Stupid Mark.
Stupid fucking—
“I think I like you, Mark.”
“What.”
I’m missing your face. Missing your face. Only me, your eyes that I saw the lips that kissed me. I'm missing your face. I miss you dreadfully.
It was dark but the glimmer in Jaebeom’s eyes shone through the moonlight. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. Mark swallowed his breath and couldn’t believe what was happening.
“Fuck. That was stupid,” Jaebeom sighed when Mark couldn’t respond quickly enough. “Forget it,” Jaebeom turned his back from Mark before Mark could say anything more.
Mark slung his arm over Jaebeom, now hovering slightly above the younger as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around Jaebeom. “I like you too…” Mark felt Jaebeom’s heart banging out his chest as Jaebeom slowly reciprocated the hug.
“You’re heavy.” As soon as Jaebeom said that Mark quickly moved his body up, blushing bright red under the darkly lit night. “Thank you,” Jaebeom smiled as he caressed the side of Mark’s cheek.
Mark melted into his touch as Jaebeom looked stunning in the night sky. His lips shimmered just waiting to be kissed. Mark slowly leaned down softly kissing Jaebeom’s lips.
Come back to me, remember like the first time, we promised to last forever. If you trust me again, we can last forever.
“We’re dating,” Jaebeom promptly told their bandmates. It had been two, three years into their career since Jaebeom and Mark decided to secretly date behind their bandmates back. When they realized their dating ban was lifted, they decided to call a house meeting with the rest of the guys. They had just finished their latest comeback promotions and were on break for a couple of weeks until they had to start on their world tour prep.
Jackson, Jinyoung, and Youngjae all sat on the couch as the youngest laid on the floor while Coco licked their faces. Mark and Jaebeom stood hand in hand as they both came out to their friends.
The buildup was intense. The silence was suffocating as the couple waited for a reaction or a response. They were prepared for anything. Disgust? Bitter looks? Anything, they were prepared for it. But when no one said anything, Mark squeezed Jaebeom’s hands tighter. Were they so disgusted they couldn’t even speak to them? Mark’s thoughts ran through his head.
“Uhm—” Youngjae squeaked. He looked like he wanted to say something, but had no way of phrasing it correctly. “Urgh…” He struggled to continue.
“I’ll start then,” Jinyoung offered, Youngjae nodded in agreement. “Jaebeom hyung. Mark hyung. Thank you for telling us. Honestly, I would say dating a bandmate is wrong because it could ruin the team dynamic.” Fair, Mark thought. “But seeing as that, you guys still put your career before your relationship means that you prioritized your career. And I’m not sick in the brain for judging two men dating either, so you guys can relax.”
Jaebeom and Mark looked at each other with relief in their eyes but perked up once more when Jackson chimed in.
“All of you guys are my best friends. No— you guys are my family, and I love my family no matter what. My love for guys won’t change either. I’ll support you guys.”
“Same here, man,” Bambam said as he sat up from the floor. “You guys are like my parents. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. Love is love.”
“Yeah! I don’t get it myself but doesn’t mean I should hate on it. I respect you, Mark hyung, and you too, Jaebeom hyung. Thanks for telling us,” Yugyeom smiled understandingly.
“Uh— Can I just say something!” Youngjae sat up from his seat. Mark’s heart stop, was this the worst-case scenario he knew that would happen. Mark bit his lip, scared of what Youngjae might say about them. Jaebeom caressed his thumb at the back of Mark’s hand to coax him for what’s to come. Jaebeom bravely looked at Youngjae for Mark and for both of them.
“What’s wrong?” Jinyoung looked at the younger man concerned.
“I-I— I already knew you two were dating!” Youngjae bowed his head in apology. “I thought everyone knew as well so I’m sorry that I misunderstood! I support you guys and I hope you lead a happy life!” Mark fell to his knees as the relief took all his strength to stand.
“Woah!” Jackson cried, startled by Mark’s reaction. “Youngjae, you gave Mark hyung a heart attack. We all thought you were gonna say something against them or something!”
“Oh! I’m sorry!” Youngjae apologized completed frazzled by Mark now laughing on the floor as Jaebeom tried to pull him to stand up. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You sure startled me!” Bambam laughed, then stood up from the ground as he copied Youngjae’s announcement.
The whole bunch soon became rowdy as Bambam started to make fun of Jaebeom. Mark smiled at their usual chaos. He couldn’t have been happier. His teammates— No, his family didn’t throw him to the side or call them names. Mark thought maybe they could last forever.
If you give me another chance, we can last forever. I know that you will think my words are self-centered but still just the slightest. If you are the same to me, tell me so I can hear it.
Could Mark still think the same thing he did a few years ago when he came out to his friends? He was selfish for just always wanting something for Jaebeom. He wanted Jaebeom to cling to him too and shower him with morning calls or anything.
They were busy. Mark knew that. It was easier when they weren’t so far apart.
Can Mark ask Jaebeom to cling to him so more?
Can Mark hold onto Jaebeom just a little longer?
Can they last forever?
I’m missing your face. Missing your face, only me, your eyes that I saw the lips that kissed me.
Mark didn’t think thoughts like these were unusual. They were just uninvited thoughts that fueled his insecurity. He missed the sweet lips that calmed him or how he wanted to pepper his boyfriend in tiny little kisses.
Mark huddled his knees together and just wished that this song wouldn’t speak volumes to his inner monologue. He just wanted to see his boyfriend. Yet, it led him to the paranoia he had almost forgotten.
I'm missing your face, I miss you dreadfully.
Yes. Mark was missing Jaebeom’s face. His touches. His kisses. The way he made him feel okay. He missed his boyfriend. He felt a sudden migraine pierce his skull as he could no longer think straight. He was alone and Jaebeom wasn’t there to hold his hand or kiss him and tell him everything is going to be okay.
Come to me, remember like the first time, we promised to last forever.
It has been seven years since they’ve been together. Last forever? Nothing lasts forever. What was ever gonna last forever? Mark amused himself. The signs were showing. Nothing lasts forever and who’s to say that he and Jaebeom would too.
Want to walk the same road holding hands; we can last forever. Ain't nobody gonna stop us so that's forever; we can last forever.
Mark didn’t want to accept it. What if they suddenly broke up. God, these thoughts should not come up during a song.
He didn’t think Jaebeom would suddenly stop caring about Mark because he always had. He missed his boyfriend so much. He wanted to hold him so badly. He wanted to melt into Jaebeom’s arms and cling onto him for dear life. He missed his boyfriend. He missed his boyfriend. He missed his—
If you trust me again; we can last forever.
As the last line holds onto Mark’s insecurities the song fades away. Mark is out of his trance but the feelings still linger. It was like the three minutes of that song felt like an eternity. Alexa loops the song again, but Mark doesn’t feel like he’s in a trance. He feels his phone vibrate and sees the name of the caller he’s been longing for. He perks up to make his voice sound like he was okay and answers the phone.
“Mark, are you home today?” Jaebeom’s voice sounds tired, but Mark felt a little less alone by his lover’s call.
“Uhuh. Yeah.”
“Well I’m by your apartment so, wait for me.”
As soon as they hung up, Mark tried fighting back his anxiety but his boyfriend was coming up to his place in a few minutes. Mark didn’t hope for the worst but he did.
As those few minutes flew by, Mark heard his doorbell ring and low and behold, Jaebeom was standing there. Mark wrapped his arms around his lover.
Mark looked deeply into Jaebeom’s eyes as he leaned in for a kiss.
“You’re seriously doing this at the entrance?” Jaebeom said after Mark pulled away from his affectionate greeting.
“Yes,” Mark pouted.
“You’re being incredibly clingy,” Jaebeom told Mark as if he wasn’t happy about that. “Wait, are you playing Face?”
“Yeah, I just felt like listening to it,” Mark smiled as he kept it to himself that he was missing his boyfriend’s face. “It brings back a lot of memories too.”
“You’re unbelievably sentimental.”
“And I’m missing your face~” Mark sang along to the song as Jaebeom laughed at his boyfriend’s antics. Jaebeom cupped Mark’s face and saw the dark circles underneath his boyfriend’s eyes.
“Have you been sleeping lately? Are you okay, babe?”
“Yeah. I was just thinking earlier.”
“About?”
“Us.”
Jaebeom grew silent as Mark took Jaebeom’s hands pressing closer to his face. “I miss you Beomie. I haven’t seen you in a while and I thought maybe you got tired of me. I’m so scared that one day, I’ll lose you. I’ll lose us. I know I’m just being insecure but I don’t know what else to think. I’m—”
Jaebeom rushed into a kiss before Mark could finish his sentence.
“I’m sorry. I know I’ve been neglecting you and that I’m not talking to you as much. But I never want you to feel that I’m giving up on us. I don’t know what I’d do without… you…” Jaebeom blushed profusely trying to look away from Mark. The American man smiled as he found his boyfriend incredibly cute. He pressed their foreheads together and peppered his face with tiny little kisses.
“I know I get insecure and really stuck up on shit. But, thank you for loving me. I missed you a lot, Jaebeom. I just missed you. I couldn’t feel okay and I guess I started really getting into the song I thought of us. I thought what if we can’t last forever? Then I thought of things like… what if we broke up? I would just have to live with that because I never want to lose you. But I have to accept it, right?”
“No. I know it’s hard but don’t think that we’re gonna break up just like that.”
“I’m scared. What if one day you wake up and realize you don’t love me anymore?”
“Mark. We’ve been together for seven years. If I woke up one day and thought that I didn’t love you is fucking crazy to me. If I wake up one day and realize I don’t love you then I’d tell you. But for now, I’ll wake up every day and tell you that I still am. Does that sound good?” Jaebeom laughed, wiping Mark’s tears away with his thumbs as he caringly cupped his lover’s face.
“I missed you a lot.”
“I missed you a lot too.”
“I’m sorry for being so clingy and needy all the time.”
“I like that about you. I’m sorry I’m not clinging onto you as much as you. I trust you. I don’t want to burden you with my feelings.”
“You could never burden me with your feelings.”
“I could say the same to you too, you know?”
“I love you Jaebeom.”
“I love you too.”
“Hey Alexa, play Face by GOT7,” Mark sat idly staring out his window from his couch.
“Now playing Face by GOT7,” the robotic voice echoed throughout the whole apartment. Mark took a sip from his coffee and smiled as he remembered the times he had listened to this song, the feeling of insecurity rushed inside of him but he always knew there was someone out there that loved him.
Mark sipped his coffee once more as he stared at his reflection he saw a ripple on the coffee. His phone was blowing up with thousands of messages from his group chat was Jackson, Bambam, and Yugyeom spammed the chat with a million different stickers they thought were funny. However, Jinyoung mostly thought they were annoying. Endearing, but annoying.
Mark’s phone pinged from a direct message from Jaebeom, “I woke up today and realized I still love you.” Mark snorted at the sickeningly cute message that he had been getting for the past few weeks. Mark always knew there was someone out there that loved him and he was texting him right now
Mark replied: “I just woke up too and I realized, we can last forever!”