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Dating Wei Ying has felt like standing in the eye of a hurricane.
Lan Zhan can feel the powerful swirl of his own emotions - of their shared emotions - gusting around him. But at the centre of it, all he feels is safe, calm, and at peace.
He can tell that what they have is something rare, at least to him. Almost unconsciously he has started to picture Wei Ying by his side whenever he thinks of the future. It feels natural, right; two threads intertwining to make something better and stronger. Lan Zhan feels both an overwhelming rush of emotions and a steady contentment when he thinks of Wei Ying.
They have been dating for two months now, which is such a short amount of time that it baffles Lan Zhan. He feels as if he cannot recognise the version of himself from two months ago; the Pre-Wei Ying version of himself. Frankly, nothing in the world would make him want to revert to that version of Lan Zhan. Every night he thinks about how lucky he was to run out of hay, that one drizzly Tuesday night in October.
Maybe the strict Lan principles towards preparedness aren’t always so important, if being unprepared is what led him to Wei Ying.
It has been two months. However, there is one very important step they have not yet taken. According to Wei Ying, it is the pivotal moment in their dating life thus far - whenever he speaks of it, it is with the gravitas of one approaching an important exam; one that will define his future.
Wei Ying is yet to meet the bunnies.
It isn’t that they are putting off the meeting. It is more that they often meet in public places. Honestly, a part of Lan Zhan thinks that if he ever spends too much time with Wei Ying in a private setting, his self control around him will be shredded so thin he may lose his composure and do something stupid and impulsive, like propose to a man he had met just two months ago.
Lan Zhan is trying to play it cool. Or at least, like a normal human being who has not fallen overwhelmingly and decisively in love with a person he has just met.
Lan Zhan is not sure he is succeeding in this endeavour.
He often finds himself staring just a little too long; a little too intensely at Wei Ying when he is speaking. He notices himself accidentally placing a steady hand on the small of Wei Ying’s back to help him cross a road or get out of a car - maybe just a little too possessive for what is appropriate. He has Wei Ying’s coffee order memorised; he knows all of Wei Ying’s work colleagues by both name and face, and he asks after them whenever Wei Ying brings up his job.
He knows the date of Wei Ying’s birthday and was beside himself when Wei Ying hadn’t mentioned it until November , meaning that Lan Zhan had not wished him a happy birthday on 31 October, which is absolutely unforgivable. To make up for it, Lan Zhan had custom ordered a spicy black and red cake from one of their favourite date spots - a small local bakery with a cute dine-in courtyard - and Wei Ying had taken one look at it and promptly burst into tears.
Lan Zhan isn’t sure if he is doing a particularly good job at playing it cool.
But today is the day Wei Ying will visit his apartment for the first time. Lan Zhan can feel his heart beating in his throat rapidly as he re-dusts the already spotless mantle in his living room.
He has been pacing his apartment for the better half of an hour, going in circles to make sure everything is in place. He knows Wei Ying will likely not care at all if there is a mess, but Lan Zhan will care.
With his foot nervously tapping against the floor, he fixes his bunnies with an intense gaze, trying his best to communicate telepathically with the fluffy creatures.
“We will all be on our best behaviour, correct?” His tone is grave, taking on the air of a director of a failing company making their last pitch to the board. “We are wanting to make a good first impression.”
The bunnies, unsurprisingly, do not respond.
Lan Zhan squats down by the pen, “Wei Ying is very important. Am I clear?”
Snowball blinks her large eyes up at him, not moving from the comfortable loaf position she has been in for the past couple of hours. She makes no indication that she has heard him at all. Soot twitches his black floppy ears slightly, as though trying to hear him more clearly... Or to show annoyance that his sleep is being interrupted. Lan Zhan is never sure.
“Good talk.”
Lan Zhan makes the final rounds and startles when the loud buzz of his doorbell sounds through the apartment. Soothing down the non-existent creases in his pants, he answers the door.
“Lan Zhan!”
Wei Ying is a bright, bouncing ball of light. His smile is blinding, cheeks puffed up and eyes crinkled shut. He always looks at Lan Zhan like he has hung the stars, and Lan Zhan does not feel worthy of his praise; does not feel worthy to have such a look directed at him.
“Wei Ying,” he says softly, inwardly wincing at how the fondness creeps into his tone, unbidden.
He directs Wei Ying inside, helps him remove his thick coat, and takes in the rest of him.
Wei Ying is wearing casual, light grey slacks and dress shoes. He has a plain black t-shirt tucked into his waistband, secured by a black leather belt. His hair is in its customary ponytail with red ribbon, but Lan Zhan notices it is less messy than usual, with fewer fly-aways framing his face. All in all, it is the most put-together Lan Zhan has ever seen him.
“You look nice,” he says, before he can really think about it.
Wei Ying smiles a little sheepishly at him, scratching his nose in a nervous tick Lan Zhan always finds absolutely, devastatingly, adorable. “Ahhh, I thought I would- you know- dress up a little for the occasion. I want to leave a good impression after all.”
Lan Zhan takes that in silently, not sure what kind of expression he is making. He is silent for so long Wei Ying starts to shift nervously.
“You-” Lan Zhan chokes out, “you dressed up to impress my pet rabbits...?”
Wei Ying blinks back at him, “well, yeah. They’re important family members to you, right?”
Oh, my god, marry me, Lan Zhan thinks, so overwhelmed with affection he feels a little crazed with it. “Yeah- yes,” he manages through his constricted throat.
Wei Ying’s blinding smile is back and Lan Zhan has to chant inwardly: do not propose, do not propose, do not propose, do not propose, do not propose, do not...
Lan Zhan reigns in his thoughts and clears his throat.
“That’s… yes. Very good... Tea?”
Wei Ying nods shyly and Lan Zhan appreciates being given a menial task like making tea. He knows how to make tea. He’s good at it. He can do that while trying to recover from the fondness crushing his chest like a vice.
While they settle at the kitchen table with two steaming mugs, Wei Ying begins a stream of conversation about his work (“Lan Zhan, the end-of-year parent-teacher conference was absolutely brutal . How is it my fault that a First-Grader somehow knows so many swear words? I am completely innocent here, please understand how innocent I am Lan Zhan).
He talks about his sister (“Listen, I’m not saying Jin Zizuan doesn’t deserve her, but I’m saying that Jin Zizuan doesn’t deserve her.”).
He talks about his trip here (“I almost slipped on the ice about three times, but! I made it here in one piece, Lan Zhan, you should be proud of me, ok?”).
Lan Zhan listens to it all, committing every sentence to memory. He gives the occasional “mn” in response, perfectly content to listen to Wei Ying’s voice for hours. He finds Wei Ying’s verboseness to be the perfect compliment to his own predisposition towards silence; a perfect balance between give and take. Whenever Lan Zhan has more to say, Wei Ying always listens raptly, eyes focused on Lan Zhan’s, like what he is saying is important ; like it deserves his full attention. Lan Zhan has never felt so perceived or understood by another person, except maybe his brother.
An hour later when both their mugs are empty and they’ve caught up on the happenings of each other’s past few days, Wei Ying takes a deep breath and says, “Ok. Is it time?”
“Are you ready?” Lan Zhan says softly, studying Wei Ying’s tight grip on his mug.
Wei Ying looks up at his eyes, determined. “Yes,” he says.
Lan Zhan stands and offers a hand out to Wei Ying to pull him up out of his chair. Wei Ying takes it, squeezes it softly, and Lan Zhan has to tamp down another wave of affection. Be cool, be normal, he thinks desperately to himself.
He leads Wei Ying to the living room, where the bunnies are set up in their pen. It’s quite large, taking up a good third of the room, with the enclosure walls coming up to Lan Zhan’s waist. There’s a large log-tunnel through the centre of it, with little holes cut into the sides where the bunnies like to poke their heads out of when they’re exploring. The hay feeder is set up on the side, full of hay (farm fresh, store bought no longer necessary) directly beside the litter box.
There’s a little tree with bunny toys dangling from each of the branches to keep them entertained, that Lan Zhan has to replace every couple months when the rabbits inevitably chew through them all. There’s also a little bunny house set up in the corner to give the rabbits some privacy when they need it. Honestly, Lan Zhan feels more kinship with rabbits than he does most human beings. He too, likes to have his privacy when needed.
Wei Ying gasps. “Is this them?” He speaks very softly, close to Lan Zhan’s ear. Lan Zhan tries very hard not to think about how it sends a shiver down his spine.
“Mmhmm,” he confirms, matching Wei Ying’s volume. “Snowball,” he points to the large white bunny, still loafed in the back corner but big ears flickering in interest and red eyes fixed on them. “Soot,” he points to the black dwarf lop bunny, standing on his hind legs, nose twitching furiously, taking in the scent of someone new and deciding if they’re a threat or not.
“Oh, oh my god. Can I-?” Wei Ying gestures towards the pen.
Lan Zhan nods, and pulls Wei Ying closer to the pen by their joined hands, moving slowly and obviously so as to not startle the bunnies.
He lifts his legs over the pen and settles into a kneel within the enclosure, indicating for Wei Ying to also do the same. He brings their joined hands out in front of them, offering it up to Soot to sniff.
Bunnies do not have the muscles in their faces to show any kind of emotion, but Lan Zhan still thinks Soot is giving Wei Ying a very suspicious look. To be fair, Lan Zhan very rarely brings anyone new over to his home, and Soot has a very protective personality.
Soot sniffs their hands, licks it gently, looks up at Wei Ying with still suspicious eyes, and hops closer to him. He shifts onto his back legs to become as tall as he can and looks directly into Wei Ying’s eyes.
Lan Zhan can tell Wei Ying has been holding his breath for quite a while now, and just as he is beginning to get worried about him passing out or something, he hears his shaky exhale between his teeth.
Lan Zhan regrettably separates their palms and gently nudges Wei Ying’s hand in Soot’s direction. “Now just you,” he whispers.
Wei Ying nods, looking nervous but determined, and drifts his hand slowly until it’s in front of Soot. Soot’s nose twitches even faster, his unblinking stare focused on Wei Ying’s hand.
Lan Zhan holds his breath, and -
Soot gently boops Wei Ying’s hand with his soft nose, licks it gently, then settles back down onto the floor, head bowed low.
“That means he wants you to groom him - pet him.” Lan Zhan is smiling softly now. Wei Ying’s eyes are wide in wonder.
“He- he likes me?” He whispers.
“Mn.”
Wei Ying brings his shaky hand down to stroke down Soot’s back. “He’s so soft ,” he says in awe.
He uses a finger to gently pat between Soot’s eyes, causing the bunny to blink sleepily until his eyes are completely closed. After a minute of gentle stroking, Soot starts to make a soft noise.
“Is he…. Purring?” Wei Ying asks in bafflement.
“Mn. Bunnies purr then they feel safe and happy. The sound is from their teeth chattering together - not like how a cat purrs in their throats.”
“Oh. That’s- that’s really…” Wei Ying doesn’t finish his thought, instead he continues petting Soot with a reverence that makes Lan Zhan’s stomach feel warm and soft and good.
“He likes you.” Lan Zhan is so proud of Soot and his clearly impeccable taste in human beings. “He’s normally very protective. He trusts you.”
Wei Ying turns his head to him and beams and oh , Lan Zhan loves him.
He is, thankfully, distracted from that all-consuming thought, by the arrival of Snowball. She has been watching on from her safe corner, but after seeing Soot warming up to the new human, has finally felt brave enough to hop over.
“Snowball,” Wei Ying smiles at her. “Hi there, nice to meet you. I really like your Dad, you know?”
Lan Zhan feels his heart twist in his chest.
Snowball is looking on, cautious, and sidles up to Soot. She is so much larger than him that her attempts to hide behind him look comical. But she seems to take great comfort at being close to her companion.
She looks up at Wei Ying, sniffs curiously, then also lowers her head down, snuggling into Soot’s side.
Wei Ying looks at Lan Zhan in question.
“Snowball is most comfortable when she’s around Soot. You can pet both at once.”
Wei Ying nods, and opens his hand wider so he can run it down both of the bunnies’ backs at the same time. Snowball and Soot nuzzle closer together, melting into one shape.
The room was quiet but for the soft twin purring of the bunnies. Lan Zhan has never felt so completely, utterly content - here with his favourite animals and his favourite person.
Giving in to his impulses, he moves closer to Wei Ying and wraps his arms around his waist, sitting behind him and pulling him onto his lap, Wei Ying’s back pressed against his chest.
Wei Ying pauses for just a second, then relaxes into Lan Zhan’s hold, continuing his soft petting of the bunnies.
Lan Zhan props his chin over Wei Ying’s shoulder, tightening his arms around him, breathing him in, feeling his heartbeat through his back against his own hammering chest.
Wei Ying sighs, “I like this. I really like this.”
“Mn,” Lan Zhan agrees, feeling the low tone rumble through his chest. “It seems Wei Ying is approved by everyone in this household.”
Wei Ying lets out a soft chuckle. “Ah, I’m so glad. I was so worried.”
Overwhelmed with fondness, Lan Zhan nuzzles into the side of Wei Yings throat, feeling the man’s breath hitch, and kisses his neck once, softly.
“There was nothing to worry about. Rabbits are always fond of kind people, and Wei Ying is the kindest,” he presses another kiss to his neck, “sweetest,” another kiss, “and best person I’ve ever met.” He finishes with another kiss, right behind Wei Ying’s pierced ear and Wei Ying shudders against him.
“Lan Zhan... I’ll cry you know. Do you really want that? Do you really want me sitting here in your bunny enclosure crying?” Wei Ying’s voice is croaky and Lan Zhan moves his hands up and down his sides, squeezing his hips in comfort.
“As long as they are tears of happiness, Wei Ying can cry as much as he wants. As much as he needs.”
Wei Ying takes in a deep, shuddering breath, and abruptly turns in Lan Zhan’s hold. Snowball and Soot raise their heads in question of the discontinued petting, but Wei Ying’s gaze is focused entirely on Lan Zhan. His face is flushed, his eyes wide and bright, wild around the edges.
“Lan Zhan,” he starts, then clears his throat when it comes out a little hoarse. “Lan Zhan, I like you so much. So much. Sometimes I feel like I must be a different person now, because I didn’t think it was even possible for me to feel this much for someone.”
Lan Zhan looks up at him - at this beautiful man perched on his lap - and stares and stares and stares .
“You are so kind , so good . You treat your pets with more respect that most people treat other humans. You remember my coffee order, the names of the kids in my class, the names of the parents of the kids in my class. You drop everything in order to help someone you care about. You only buy eggs from local free-range farms because when you think of chickens in cages you get unspeakably sad and feel the urge to free them all.”
Wei Ying takes another gulp of air, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, “What I’m- what I’m saying is-” He takes Lan Zhan’s face in both of his hands, cradling his cheeks, running gentle fingers under his eyes, and oh , Lan Zhan hadn’t realised he had started crying, too.
“I love you.” Wei Ying says it like he’s caressing the words, like he’s speaking it into existence to be written into the script of the universe.
“I love you, Lan Zhan. I know it’s… probably too soon to be saying something like this, but-”
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan moves his hands to cup Wei Ying’s palms around his own face. “I love you, too.”
He brings their joined hands down and cradles them to his chest. “ You are kind, and good, and perfect.” Wei Ying’s brows furrow together in incredulousness, and Lan Zhan squeezes their clasped hands tighter, says in a more insistent tone, “you are perfect .
“You love your family so much that you would give any part of yourself for even the chance to help them. You love each and every one of your students, you know their favourite foods and hobbies. You help out on every one of your colleagues tasks, even if it means a trip to the pet store to pick up hay on a drizzly Tuesday night in October.” Wei Ying hitches a little sob, trembling slightly in Lan Zhan’s hold.
“You can read me - my expressions. You know when I am angry, sad. You understand me like not many people can and I-” Lan Zhan shakes his head a little, trying to clear it of the fog that has taken over, “I cannot think of my life without you in it anymore. Wei Ying, I love you. I do not care if it is too early to say so. I just-”
Lan Zhan is not used to saying so many words all at once. He thinks he might have used up a whole month’s quota of words. But they are important. They need to be said. Wei Ying needs to know how much Lan Zhan cherishes everything that he is.
“I love you.”
Wei Ying is properly crying now, and Lan Zhan unclasps their hands to reach up and brush the tears away. “Do you understand?”
Wei Ying nods jerkily, surges forward, and presses his lips to Lan Zhan’s, arms coming to wrap around the back of Lan Zhan’s neck.
They have kissed before. At the end of dates when they said goodbye to each other - on doorsteps, on a park bench, at a cafe. Always brief and chaste. Lan Zhan has always stopped himself lingering longer on Wei Ying’s lips, afraid that if he allows himself to, he would keep taking and taking and taking . He was afraid of that barrier of propriety being knocked down; of the flood of want that Lan Zhan would release if it ever did.
This kiss is not chaste.
Lan Zhan locks his arms around Wei Ying’s waist, bringing him closer, closer, closer still, like he is trying to meld their bodies together. Wei Ying’s legs are parted around Lan Zhan’s lap, his torso pushed up along the line of his body. He is making desperate, choked out little sounds as he kisses, and they rush right down low through Lan Zhan’s body.
Lan Zhan opens his mouth wider, inviting Wei Ying in, letting his tongue brush up against his, and oh , this is different. This is so different to their shared, small kisses in public spaces. This is electric, intimate.
Lan Zhen feels like he is burning with it; burning everywhere their bodies touch. He feels like he cannot separate his own body from Wei Ying’s, but at the same time he wants to be closer, closer, closer.
All he can think of is Wei Ying. How he feels, how he tastes, how he smells. Lan Zhan thinks, suddenly, that this is how they are meant to be; how they are intended to be positioned in this world: Wei Ying, warm, safe, soft, pliant on his lap - his hands twining around his body and in his hair.
He feels the intense, burning heat in his body, contrasting sharply with the gentle, soft clunk of something sliding into place within his soul; two halves coming together in one perfectly balanced whole.
Unfortunately though, both Wei Ying and Lan Zhan eventually need to breathe. Their lips part and they stay with their foreheads connected, panting heavily for air.
“Oh. Oh .” Wei Ying says through his panting.
“Oh.” Lan Zhan agrees.
“That was… oh no, I might wanna do that all the time now, Lan Zhan.”
Lan Zhan feels a jolt, low, low, low in his gut and thinks fiercely, good.
He nips gently under Wei Ying’s jaw, then sucks a little on the skin there, causing Wei Ying to let out a soft ‘ah’ that makes Lan Zhan absolutely lose his mind, and he growls out lowly, “I have absolutely no objections to that, Wei Ying,” and goes back to sucking little marks on Wei Ying’s throat.
“Ah, cool cool cool.” Wei Ying is breathless, tangling his fingers through Lan Zhan’s hair and shifting on his lap in a way that takes Lan Zhan one step closer to madness. “Glad we’re on the same page.”
“Indeed.”
It is at this point that Lan Zhan’s valiant effort to mark up every part of Wei Ying’s exposed skin is interrupted by Soot placing his little front legs on Wei Ying’s thigh, glaring up at them with the most disapproving stare Lan Zhan has ever seen on a mammal with zero facial muscles.
“Oh no,” Wei Ying splutters and pushes Lan Zhan’s head abruptly away from his neck. Lan Zhan huffs at the loss. “Lan Zhan, I don’t wanna traumatise your children.” He squints down at Soot. “Is he judging me? I definitely feel like he’s judging me.”
“He is not judging you. Probably.” But Lan Zhan detaches himself more firmly from Wei Ying’s body all the same. Now that he is more aware of the bunnies’ critical stares he can’t just ignore them.
He stands up, offering a hand to Wei Ying and pulls him up too. He can’t help but stare at his puffy, red lips; his neck littered with tiny marks, and Lan Zhan thinks with wonder, I did that.
“So…” Wei Ying clears his throat, and Lan Zhan catches his eyes darting from his eyes to his lips. “Shall we… I mean, do you wanna…?”
“Yes,” Lan Zhan is not even sure what exactly he is agreeing to, just knows that if it involves Wei Ying, he wants it.
“Oh, thank god.”
And with that, Lan Zhan pulls him away from the bunnies and drags him promptly into his bedroom, pushing Wei Ying down onto the bed and slamming the door firmly shut behind him.
The bunnies had their turn with Wei Ying’s attention.
Now it was his turn.