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"Yeah go for it. Take it as a chance. Experiment", Ethan agreed enthusiastically.
Harry and Ethan were sitting on his living room floor. Ethan's legs were crossed, his body leaning against the back of the sofa while Harry had his legs outstretched and his head tipped back against the wall. He looked miserable. Ethan would do anything in his power to console him if he just knew how.
"But how?" Harry threw his hands in the air exasperatedly. "Tinder is absolutely off-limits and Covid sort of takes away all of my other options."
Ethan tried to disagree but Harry buried his face in his hands and let out a big sigh. "Just forget it mate. It is how it is. I'll be 40 years old and still not sure if I'm straight."
Ethan couldn't stand the misery in his voice. This was the newest addition to Harry's midlife crisis he had been experiencing since he and Katie had broken up. Something and someone Harry had taken for granted and relied on wasn’t in his life anymore and this had thrown Harry off his game completely. Every week a new issue surfaced and until now Ethan had always helped Harry through it. But how was he supposed to assist him with this?
Unless…
He reached out to pry Harry's hand from his face. With all the sincerity he could muster he looked him in the eyes and said, "I'm here for you.” He swallowed and continued, “Experiment, with me, Harry."
"What the! No! That’s, just no." Harry looked genuinely appalled. "We're mates, I don't want anything else."
Harry's hand still in his, Ethan intoned, "I mean it, Harry. I don't mind and we'll just forget about it after. It's just to try."
"But you're Ethan. You're Behz.” Harry’s facial expression reminded him of a puppy that got its toy taken away.
“And I’m not attractive enough?” Ethan’s ego could handle rejection, but his heart couldn’t handle seeing Harry in pain.
“No, no you are. It’s just”, Harry ended his sentence with an uncertain hand gesture.
“So? There’s no problem.” Ethan placed Harry’s hand that was still in his on his own neck. He tried to give him a last reassuring look and closed his eyes, ready for his lips to be kissed.
But the kiss never came. He crooked one eye open and saw Harry, still sitting there helplessly staring at him. How was he supposed to help the boy when he wouldn’t let him help?
Ethan took Harry’s face between his hands and added intently, “It’s fine Boggo. Trust me.” Harry’s hesitant eyes met his sure ones and he seemed to relax a little. His eyes fell closed and he seemed to accept that Ethan’s hands were a safe space. Harry bent his head a little and nuzzled his cheek into Ethan’s palm. Now Ethan could relax as well. Harry trusted him.
Again, he closed his eyes and this time, just seconds later, he felt pressure on his lips. It was softer than he expected. Harry’s lips weren’t chapped and his scruff merely caused a slight tingling sensation. Ethan sensed Harry’s whole body loosening, melting into the kiss. Even though Ethan didn’t feel any butterflies or summersaults in his stomach, he still enjoyed the kiss purely because it made Harry happy. He hadn’t been his usual cheery self for a while now and Ethan would give anything to have it back.
Abruptly, Harry pulled back, eyes wide and mouth red. It startled Ethan a little to have the warmth so suddenly yanked away from him. “Uhm”, Harry awkwardly cleared his throat.
“That was barely a kiss. How did you gather anything from that?”, protested Ethan. His statement hit exactly the way he wanted it to. Harry seemed relieved that Ethan wasn’t weirded out and that he had the go-ahead for more.
Still rather careful, Harry leaned back in, holding Ethan’s gaze to draw back at any sign of reluctance. But Ethan didn’t give him any reason to. He was sure he was doing the right thing for Harry. If it made Boggo happy, he’d be happy.
This time, Harry’s lips, already wet, slid easily across Ethan’s. One of Harry's hands returned to its place at Ethan's neck, pulling him closer. Ethan was so engrossed in it, he didn’t even notice their tongues coming into play. He didn’t mind it though. The thing that didn't escape his notice, was the eagerness exuding from Harry's fingers at his neck. Just from the way each finger applied pressure, he could tell that Harry needed this. And he was happy to provide.
Harry's other hand hovered at Ethan's side. He felt the almost-touch and in it, the hesitation. To reassure him, he put his own hands on Harry's waist. The fabric underneath his fingers felt warm to the touch. Encouraged, Harry placed his hovering hand on Ethan's thigh. Ethan couldn’t help gasping at the slow circles Harry's thumb made so very close to his private parts. He shifted under his touch, a little uncomfortable.
All of that was forgotten as Harry let out an absolutely ungodly sound of pure pleasure. Ethan's chest swelled with pride at being the reason for such an exclamation. He pulled Harry a few inches closer, involuntarily moving Harry's hand into his crotch area. He didn’t spare it much thought until Harry's hand squeezed lightly, testing the waters.
The waters were very cold. “Harry.” Ethan shoved him away, his voice stern.
The horror was plain on Harry's face. His eyes had widened apologetically and his mouth formed a silent oh. “I am so sorry!” His lower lip began to tremble. “I don’t know what got into me”, he stuttered.
Harry got up hurriedly, deliberately not looking at Ethan. “I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out.”
“Harry, wait.” Ethan reached out a hand, grabbing Harry by the wrist. “It’s alright, Boggo. I swear.”
But Harry didn’t turn around.
“Look at me.” Ethan lightly pulled at his wrist and Harry relented. There were tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes red which made their blue brighter than usual.
Ethan’s heart burst. He had made him cry. He had made him sadder than he was to begin with. He had made his Boggo cry. That was unforgivable.
“Oh, Harry. Come here.” Ethan pulled at his wrist and brought Harry back down to him. With gentle fingers, he wiped a tear from his cheek. “It’s alright, Bog. I didn’t mean it.”
Harry's eyes were still filled to the brim with tears. Ethan could see the utter shame in his gaze and it destroyed him. “I ruin everything”, Harry sniffled and buried his face in Ethan's shoulder, now violently sobbing. His hands gripped onto Ethan's back as if he were holding on for his life.
Ethan's body shook with the force of Harry's sobs, each one shattering another piece of his heart. With strong arms, he pulled Harry tighter into his chest, showing him that he was there, that he would never let him drown. He stroked Harry’s back, caressed his head and neck and mumbled soothing words into his ear.
Finally, Harry's grip loosened and his sobs got quieter. He pulled back just enough that he could see Harry's face. There was still so much self-loathing showing in his expression. Ethan couldn’t handle it.
He took Harry's face in his hands and intoned clearly, “I am sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. I overreacted. There was absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. You didn’t ruin anything, okay?”
He checked Harry’s face for traces of assent but found only tears on his cheeks. He caught one with his mouth, placing a kiss where it had just been. “Okay?” He kissed a spot near Harry’s mouth where another tear had lingered, still firmly holding onto Harry's face. “Do you understand?”
Slowly Harry nodded and now Ethan kissed his mouth as well, just glad Harry wasn’t actively crying anymore. Harry's lips were wet, but this time wet from tears. At first, Harry didn’t react, still frozen in his pain. Ethan placed little kisses all over Harry's lips to coax some life back into him and finally, Harry reciprocated the kiss. With his thumb, Ethan tenderly wiped at Harry’s eye. The tears were finally drying.
Gingerly, Harry leaned further into the kiss. His eyes were closed and his expression hopeful. Ethan could tell because his own eyes were open, while he was nervously contemplating what he was about to do. With a deep breath in, he grabbed one of Harry's wrists and pulled it towards his body. Encasing the back of Harry's hand with his, he moved it to his groin. He put pressure on Harry's fingers to guide them gently.
Startled, Harry pulled back. “You don’t have to, Behz”, he pleaded. But Ethan wanted to. He wanted to do anything that would put a smile or just a happy sigh on Harry’s face.
So he nodded, “I want to, Harry. I’m sure.”
Harry looked down at their hands, unsure. Encouragingly, Ethan gave Harry's hand and with it, his dick, another squeeze. Harry left his hand where it was and clutched the nape of Ethan's neck with his other one. The following kiss was different from the previous ones. It felt less needy and more confident. And the hand movements accompanying it were quite exquisite. Ethan didn’t try to hold back the moan that left his lips. He felt Harry's grin against his lips. God, what he wouldn’t do for him.
When Harry removed his hand from his crotch and his mouth from Ethan’s, he felt surprisingly bereft. He could get used to having Harry this close, being able to protect him at all time. Luckily, Harry seemed to have the same thought, because he took Ethan's face in his hands and placed an additional peck on his lips.
“Thank you.” Harry gave him a genuine smile. His expression could only be described as soft.
Ethan couldn’t help but pull Harry closer into himself. “I’m glad to have been of service.”
“I’m glad it was you.” Harry snuggled into Ethan's chest, his back against the wall so that he was basically sitting in Ethan's lap. Ethan wrapped an arm around him, squeezing him tight, savouring the feeling of warmth and comfort. And happiness. He felt truly happy knowing Harry was safe in his arms.
“You know that I love you, Bog?” Ethan looked down at Harry, affectionately.
Harry gazed back at him, gratefulness illuminating his face. He nodded softly, burying his face in Ethan's hoodie.
Ethan was sure he could die happy, right here, right now.