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There was confusion tinged with anguish on the face of the man he loved. Then darkness. Nothing.
Nothing stretched on endlessly. It was pure darkness, empty of anything else. No shadows to imagine light flickering in. No dancing shapes to picture things in. No, things like that existed only in his memory. Everything stretched on endlessly. Nothing stretched on all around him. The fallen angel made peace with his choices and in the nothingness he lived in his memories.
Memories were a daily dream, even if days didn’t exist anymore. Time was both everything and nothing and going through memories felt like he was reliving them both one at a time and all at once. It was a comfort in this never ending emptiness that his life had once been so full of life. So full of love.
The ghost of green eyes and freckles existed in his mind, comforting his heart, validating his choices. Happiness was in the being, the last moments, the words. After, he was content in knowing he'd saved Dean. That was the only thought. Nothing else existed. It didn’t need to.
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Dean wasn't content. Nothingness settled low in the pit of his stomach. All there had been was anguish and confusion; undeserving of the absolute love, refusing to accept the goodbye.
He was through with confusion. He'd spent too many years refusing to acknowledge the importance of the people closest to him, pushing it aside and claiming the world ending was more of a priority. The world wasn't ending anymore.
He needed Cas back. It felt wrong to celebrate their victory without him and he was so done with mourning his death. He wasn't going to lose Cas again, not like this. He wasn't losing him to the Empty, to that endless nothingness.
Not when Cas deserved everything. Regardless of whether Dean could give that to him or not, he was willing to try.
Dreams of blue eyes and gummy smiles haunted him. But those dreams weren't going to last forever. He was going to set things right. He was going to get him back.