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She was floating. The clouds made way for her to get by, crowding thick and vast by her feet. Strong white feathered wings sprouted out from her spine, raised at full mast. She was beautiful, she was terrifying. Ushijima was ten. Was young, so young. But, when she smiles he swallows his insecurities. It had been months since Ushijima started training with his right hand, months since his father left.
His mother raises her sword, golden and sharp, gleaming in the afternoon sun. Ushijima breathes, in once, out once. His mother hands the sword to him, and his heart swells with pride at her satisfied smile. He had started getting used to ignoring the itch to use his dominant hand. It wasn’t right for angels to be left-handed. Sin. Kings couldn’t be left-handed.
“Go on, Wakatoshi.” She speaks, voice soft, like a lullaby, like his very worst nightmare. She motions to the general area behind him, where he knew what kneeled awaiting him. He’d gone through this many times. Too many times. First when he was six, then again when he was eight. He was ten now, and his mother’s patience was wearing low. It got harder and harder for her to rule on her own every day. He needed to be prepared. For the crown, this is what he needed to do. Ushijima knew this. He just couldn’t. He hoped today would be different. For his mothers’ sake.
Ushijima nods, walking down the granite stairs, to where two guards seized a man by his biceps, keeping him on his knees. A brown cloth bag was fastened over his head. Ushijima lets out a shaky breath. He turns back to his mother with pleading eyes.
“I know you can do it. Do not disappoint me, Wakatoshi.”
Ushijima’s hand trembles around the handle.
“Take it off.” His mother demands, to which the guards obey immediately. Underneath, was a regular man, just like Ushijima and just like the guards. He didn’t think this man could be anything different from anyone in the palace. Apparently, that wasn’t the case.
The man looks to Ushijima with wild, crimson eyes. Strong horns protrude from his forehead, barely concealed by his wild red hair. Oni. His hands were fastened behind his back by thick beige ropes, and he was barely covered by the tiger-skin loincloth. Ushijima just stares, bottom lip wobbling. It wasn’t fair.
“Wakatoshi.” His mother’s voice is loud. He didn’t realize she had come to his side. “Don’t you want the crown?”
Of course, he did. Why wouldn’t he? Didn’t he?
“Do it, Wakatoshi. Come on. Kill him.”
Ushijima can feel his eyes well up with hot tears. “I c-can’t-” He lets out brokenly, not wanting to look at the demon, but feared looking at his mother would be an even more horrifying sight.
“You haven’t even tried.” Lies. He tried almost every year. This should be easy. It’s just a demon. Scum of the earth He has no significance. A sinful creature that deserves to die. His mother’s lessons could be hard, but they were the truth, weren’t they?
Ushijima holds the sword against the Oni’s throat. He can barely see from the tears in his eyes. “Mommy, I-”
“This is the right thing to do. Just like your father and grandfather before you.” She cut in. That was the first time she had mentioned his father since he left. If it would make him proud, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Maybe he’d come back.
“I’m going to be king,” Ushijima proclaims, and he can practically feel his mother’s proud smile. Within another moment, the Oni’s head rolled to his feet. That’s when he started sobbing.
His mother took his hand, wearing the biggest smile he’d seen on her face in months. She took the crown from off of her head, placing it between tufts of his olive locks. “I’m very proud of you, Wakatoshi.”
For some reason, Ushijima didn’t feel as though he deserved it.
天使と悪魔の間のぼやけた線
Ushijima met Tendou Satori under unpleasant circumstances. The boy looked up to a youthful Ushijima, terror bleeding from his wide irises. His wings were bent behind his back in submission, frail black feathers marred beyond relief. A royal guard pushed Tendou forward, and he stumbled over himself to Ushijima’s feet. At twelve, he didn’t fully understand how the world worked. He just knew it wasn’t fair.
Tendou audibly swallowed. He took Ushijima’s hand, pressing light kisses to each of his knuckles. “I am forever in your service, Prince Ushijima.” He muttered, lowering his head. Tendou couldn’t have been any older than Ushijima was. He was dressed in dirted beige cloths, torn at the shoulders and legs, a stark contrast to Ushijima’s long silk robe.
“Mommy,” Ushijima whispered, shaking his head. He knew why Tendou was here.
“Get this monster out of my sight, the living quarters need cleaning.” The queen said, hand supporting between Ushijima’s shoulder blades. “He’s just going to help around, Wakatoshi, there’s no need to cry.”
Ushijima was young, but he wasn’t stupid. “This isn’t fair , mommy. He’s just a kid, l-like me!”
His mother glared down at him. “ Never say that again. You will be a king. He is a devil . ”
Ushijima knew better than to fight back. He obeyed when he was sent back to his room. His mother didn’t let him go out much so he was very used to those same four walls. They stood tall, made from a light grey stone.
Ushijima trudged to the far side of his room, pushing open the tainted window. He climbs up and onto the roof. This was his safe place, whether it was late at night to watch the stars or during midday when he had to get away from duties for just a little while. He takes off his crown, unhooks his robe and just breathes. From this high, he can see the neatly trimmed bushes that line the grove of roses, the swan fountain perched in the center. The kingdom was beautiful, anyone would tell you that. And yet, Ushijima would kill to get away. From his responsibilities, from his mother, from this world. Even now, at nineteen, he stares up at the night sky, longing. It was starry. His mother always told him tales about the stars. That each and every one of them were previous kings of their kingdom, always not visible in the daytime but always there, watching over them. They’d make sure they were safe. That they’d never starve.
A voice pulls him out of his thoughts.
“Your Highness?”
“I told you you can stop calling me that when my mother isn’t around,” Ushijima says, not taking his eyes from the stars.
Tendou pauses. “Yes, sorry, Wakatoshi-kun.”
Ushijima didn’t exactly mean his given name, but he finds that he doesn’t mind. Not really. He brings his knees closer to his chest, rests his cheek on his kneecap. Tendou invites himself beside him.
“The queen wouldn’t be happy knowing you came back up here.” Tendou sits down, flexing his toes in his sandals.
“Quite frankly, I do not care,” Ushijima says flippantly, the corners lips threatening to curve up into a smile.
Tendou grins bright enough for the both of them. “Wow, Waka didn’t think you had that in you, defying your own mother like that.”
Ushijima braces himself with his arms behind his back, inclining his head towards the sky. His olive locks fall over his eyes, unlike Tendou who typically gels his upwards. His horns are hidden behind crimson tufts of hair, as per request by the queen. Anything was better than getting them forcibly torn off.
“It isn’t like I could ever say something like that to her face, though. I am still a coward.”
Tendou clicks his tongue. “No, you’re not. You are one of the strongest people I know, defending the lives of angels and demons alike. You’ve saved so many people, Wakatoshi.”
“When I am king I do intend to change this world,” Ushijima says, taking his eyes off the sky for a moment to look Tendou in the eyes, content that he was already staring back at him. “It will not be as unjust with me as ruler.”
Tendou grins. “And I will be alongside you until the end.”
Ushijima blinks. He can feel his heart surge in his chest as he says, “Promise?”
Tendou laughs, “Yeah, I promise.”
Ushijima nods once, looks away again. He doesn’t understand why Tendou would even want to stay. He was taken at such a young age to be of service to a queen who didn’t care for him, one that thought he was nothing other than a sin, one she could use to her own bidding. At first, she probably meant to dispose of him after Ushijima could fend for himself while she was busy with duties, but Ushijima didn’t let her. How could he? He was selfish, but at least he guaranteed Tendou’s life.
“Do you ever want to leave the castle?” Ushijima asks after a few minutes. It could have been hours, even. It’s easy to get lost in a silence as comfortable as the one he could make with Tendou.
The redhead stretches his arms behind his back, pillowing his head with bent elbows. “Every day.”
Ushijima couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “I apologize.”
Tendou shakes his head, albeit a little lazily. “‘S not your fault, Wakatoshi. You saved me, for that, I will stay, no matter how much I long not to.”
Ushijima understands that was supposed to make him feel better. It didn’t. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments. “Sometimes I want to leave, too.” He says quietly. Tendou doesn’t say anything so he continues. “My status is like a prison. I want to leave so much, live a normal life outside of these walls and yet, I’m bound here, because I am the only one who can make a difference.”
“How so very noble of you, Wakatoshi-kun. Always caring for lives outside of your own. Are you even related to the queen?”
Ushijima tries to laugh but it sounds hollow. The truth stings but it is the truth.
As if sensing Ushijima’s discomfort, Tendou adds, “You will be a great king, Waka.”
Ushijima lets himself smile, feeling a very familiar sting behind his eyes. He rests backwards, turning onto his side to face Tendou. “Mothers out on a business trip to a neighbouring kingdom,” he says, “she will not return for another two days.”
Tendou’s eyebrows raise and the look of his face is one Ushijima can’t really make out. “Mhm?”
“You can reveal your horns to me.” Ushijima says matter-of-factly, “And your wings. If you so desire.”
The way Tendou’s expression almost falls confuses Ushijima, but he says nothing.
Tendou runs his hands through his hair, effectively messing it up. It falls long over his eyes when it’s down, and sure enough, right on his hairline sat two beige horns, crooked towards the center, strong and tall. Behind his back are two crooked black wings.
“You’re beautiful,” Ushijima mutters. After being told otherwise all of his life Tendou doesn’t seem to trust his words at first. But, deep down he knows. Ushijima never says something that he doesn’t mean.
“Thank you, Wakatoshi-kun.” Tendou says as he scootches himself closer to Ushijima's body. Now, they’re only a breath apart. If only the queen were to see this. She’d probably have them both killed.
Ushijima can’t trust his voice so he doesn’t speak.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” Tendou speaks softly, as if he raised his voice any higher Ushijima would just break. Maybe he would.
Ushijima’s heart pounds wildly in his chest, bruising his ribs and leaving him positively breathless. He couldn’t even think about the possible consequences, not when it was Tendou. Not when he was so close.
Tendou traces the back of his forefinger against Ushijima’s jaw, sensing his hesitance. Ushijima can feel his cheeks heating. “Maybe you should,”
Tendou slides his palm against the side of Ushijima’s jaw, thumb swiping against the apple of his cheek, first finger above his ear. He’s slow about closing the distance. When Tendou is right before Ushijima’s face, his lips grazing Ushijima’s, he whispers. “Maybe I will,”
Ushijima lets his eyes flutter shut, leaning into the feeling of Tendou brushing his hair behind his ear. When their lips finally touch it’s like his world gets crushed upside down. He could name a hundred reasons why he shouldn’t be kissing Tendou Satori, and yet, he feels as though there’d be no way he could pull away. Tendou is gentle about it, guiding the kiss with a tilt of his head, and Ushijima tries to let Tendou know everything he couldn’t say in words. Ushijima had never been good at communicating with words. Tendou’s fingertips dance across his jawline, and Ushijima finds that he can’t reach out to touch him, so he just balls his fists by his sides. It’s subconscious, how his wings stretch out to encase them, shielding them from the outside world. Inside, they don’t have to be afraid.
When they finally part, Ushijima gasps a breath, and belatedly realizes that was his first kiss. He isn’t disappointed. Not at all.
“Was that okay?” Tendou asks quietly.
“It was perfect, Satori.” Ushijima can feel the blush on his cheeks.
“Can I do it again?”
“Please.”
//
Ushijima stood before a mirror, wings folded behind his back. He was being fitted for attire for his marriage hearing. His mother thought it would be best to try and find a wife now, so when she resigns he’d be ready to rule with a strong queen beside him. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted.
“Her name is Aiya Fugioka from the neighbouring kingdom. With this partnership we can get a stronger army, and I am sure we will be able to wipe all those demons right back to hell.” She pays no mind to Tendou right beside them, tying Ushijima’s golden harness. It doesn’t elicit a visible response from the redhead, but anyone would be unsettled by words such as those ones. The truth behind them was the most perturbing.
“Good thinking, mother.” Ushijima says and it hurts his heart. He can feel how Tendou’s hands hesitate.
Ushijima was fitted in the finest of attire. A crisp all-white suit, paired with a robe with bright gold accents, lines of cyan jewels encasing the silk. Tendou straightened the cloth over Ushijima’s broad shoulders. His mother stood in the corner with a satisfied smile. When Tendou takes a step back, he bows down before the prince. His mother walks forward, holding a deep red satin pillow. Sitting atop it was his crown. “I expect you to give your very best, Wakatoshi. Aiya-chan is a beautiful woman with amazing connections,” She places the crown on top of his olive locks, tightens his bowtie, “Do not screw this up.”
Ushijima keeps his expression straight. “I will not disappoint you, mother.” He never did, after all.
She smiles and it looks evil. “I expect no less.” She turns to the demon who was still on one knee. “Get him clean and to the stables, you know the schedule.”
“Yes, your royal highness.” Tendou stands, keeping his head inclined.
With a spin of her heel, the queen was out of the room. Ushijima finds he can finally breath.
Tendou gets right to stripping Ushijima of the suit, hanging them back up, making sure not to tear or crinkle the fabric. Ushijima is left in his undershirt and sleeping pants. Tendou leads him to the bathing room, kneeling to run the water. It’s silent for a while, other than the sounds of water running.
Ushijima breaks it.“About what my mother said earlier-”
“I know.”
“It was completely-”
“I know.”
“It isn’t fair. We can’t just-”
“She isn’t you, Wakatoshi.” Tendou turns, and his eyes are filled with tears. “I know you. You would change everything if you could. You are a great man.”
“I haven’t done enough. I can’t even talk back to my mother, let alone change the whole world.” Ushijima lets his composure break. He can feel his hands tremble by his sides.
Tendou abruptly stands. He takes Ushijima’s cheeks in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eye. “You are the best man I know, and you best fucking believe that.”
Ushijima is slightly startled by Tendou’s profanity. He feels like screaming. Water begins to spill over the edge of the tub but none of them seem to pay any mind. “Tendou..”
“I love you, Wakatoshi.”
Ushijima’s eyes widen. Tendou Satori, the boy who was stolen from his family to serve Ushijima, who grew up in rags and forced to work long hours only to be met with cold leftovers and a thin sheet to sleep on. He who was always selfless.
“How?” Was all he could choke out.
“Because you aren’t your mother. It wasn’t your decision to have me here, it wasn’t yours to resent demons. You’ve saved so many of us.. You saved me!” Tendou presses their foreheads together, “That’s why I love you.”
Ushijima can feel the familiar stinging behind his eyes, and he only realizes they slipped out when Tendou wipes his cheeks. “I love you too. Always.”
After another moment of just holding each other Tendou turns off the water. “Your bath is ready,” He motions towards it, eyes skirting down the planes of Ushijima’s body as takes off his undergarments. Ushijima tries not to cower under his gaze. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand before descending into the water.
Tendou cups his hands, letting water pool inside them and gently massages it into Ushijima’s hair. Tendou lets the tips of his nails graze Ushijima’s scalp, and he can feel him shudder. Tendou guides his head to the side, keeping his fringe off of his forehead. He presses a kiss to the exposed skin. “Is this alright?” He murmurs.
“Do you- would you like to join me?” Ushijima can’t make eye contact so he just keeps staring at the wall.
“Thought you’d never ask,” Tendou grins against his throat, and Ushijima can hear the sounds of clothes crumpling before Tendou dips inside, taking his spot beside him. Ushijima lets his eyes scan his thin frame, a stark contrast to Ushijima’s broad build. And, yet,
“Come ‘ere.” Tendou motions towards his lap, which Ushijima gladly obliges. He hides behind his bangs. He sat far enough back on Tendou’s thighs and could feel the light muscle there.
Tendou holds the dips of Ushijima’s hips, nuzzles into his jaw. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to touch you,” He mutters.
“I do not. How long?”
Tendou can’t suppress his chuckle. “Oh, Waka. Always so cute.”
Ushijima holds Tendou’s cheeks.
Ushijima doesn’t quite understand what Tendou was going onto but he just melts into his touch. He holds his cheeks. “Kiss me?”
Tendou grins, “With pleasure.” And presses their lips together.
Ushijima finds that kissing Tendou is one of his new favourite things to do. His lips are always plush, slightly chapped but fit perfectly intertwined with his own. He puts his all into kissing Tendou, even though his technique is non-existent. Tendou is patient. He just chuckles when their teeth clack together, running his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
Ushijima blushes furiously when he feels Tendou grip at his backside. “Mpf, Satori.”
He looked beautiful. Eyes wide, blush high on his cheekbones. He was the definition of inexperienced. He just followed Tendou’s lead, embracing him, letting himself be embraced. Every moment with Tendou was like escaping his world. For those moments he doesn’t feel like the world is split in two, he doesn’t feel like a war is brewing and he doesn’t feel like he’s about to be married off to a woman that wants nothing to do with him. With Tendou, he feels happy. It’s a new feeling, but it isn’t unwelcome.
They had to run a new bath afterwards.
He had never been with someone so intimately before, but he found Satori to be the only one he’d ever want to with.
//
It is a Saturday when Ushijima leaves to meet princess Aiya. They leave with a carriage, pulled by four of their finest mares. Sitting across from him was a royal guard, but Ushijima had no intention of starting conversation, no matter how long the voyage was. He’d grown to resent most of the kingdom, with the expectation of Tendou and his mother. She was a dictator, but she was still his mom. He resented her actions, not her.
The Fugioka kingdom was grand. Ushijima believed it could rival their own. The palace itself was composed of five main parts that were visible from the main road, anyway. It stood tall and mighty, a massive float surrounding the outside. Ushijima felt his heart leap up into his throat. This wasn’t what he wanted, not at all.
The inside was even better than the outside. The floor and walls were mostly made from polished white stone, ridges and edges crafted beautifully into its surface. Guards led them to the main hall, where the princess and her immediate family would be waiting for him.
They were led to two large golden doors. Ushijima takes a deep breath, and pushes them open. He had to do this, for his mother. With age, she was getting weaker and weaker. Ushijima pretends he doesn’t see when the doctor walks in and out of her room constantly, but he does. There’s something she isn’t telling him.
Ushijima’s palms are sweating in his gloves. Before him, was a tall princess, thick black locks cascaded down her shoulders, silky and curled. Aiyo was dressed in a traditional white and red kimono, falling just before her ankles. She was beautiful. She wasn’t what he wanted.
When Ushijima gets close enough he bows ninety degrees, before falling to one knee. He takes her outstretched hand into his own, pressing light kisses to her knuckles. “It is a pleasure to meet you, princess Fugioka.” Ushijima says and the words are flavourless.
“Same to you, Ushijima-san.” Aiya says calmly. Or maybe she sounded.. Bored? Ushijima wasn’t the greatest at picking up social cues, but that was obvious to everyone.
“You’re quite the young man.” Aiya’s mother speaks from her throne, and Ushijima takes that as the cue to stand straight. Her mother was smiling at him, but when he makes eye contact with the princess she gives him the coldest stare he’d ever faced. Perhaps even colder than that of his disappointed mother.
“Thank you, your highness.” He tips his head.
Ushijima is treated to dinner. They have a feast, prepared by a large assortment of Oni’s. Lobster, oysters, you name it, it was on the table. Ushijima sipped his wine, only speaking when Aiya’s parents prompted. It didn’t seem like she was keen on conversation. That was good because neither was Ushijima. They’d probably get along. Yet, he found himself not wanting to. He was only doing this for his mother. He wonders about how Tendou felt about this. They’ve kissed before, he told Ushijima that he loved him a couple days ago.. Ushijima simply didn’t know how to feel. It was so much all at once. Of course, he loved Tendou back, they’d known each other since they were kids. Albeit under unfortunate circumstances, but he considered them childhood friends. It was never like how his mother had intended. Ushijima never thought of Tendou as lesser than, he never thought that of any demon.
Yet, what he felt for Tendou wasn’t what he felt for any of his other friends. Not Semi from the stables, not Reon from the town hall choir. What he felt for Tendou was reserved for Tendou. He didn’t know how to explain it, but he knew he’d never feel it for Aiya. If they did have to get married, it would be for business, not for love.
He realizes belatedly, what he felt for Tendou was nothing short of true love.