Chapter Text
Izuku had been wandering aimlessly down the street for what felt like days now. His head was foggy and even things that normally would have sharpened his focus to a deadly point weren't working. He had tried to think about his favorite hero fights, he'd tried to look back through his analysis book, but the burns and soggy pages were all he could feel. There was something else there, words he knew that he'd written but they didn't look like words he recognized. They didn't look like things that made sense.
And there was All Might's signature. There was the voice of his hero telling him he'd never make it in their world for something out of his control. There was his hero, telilng him to just stop, to just give up, just like everyone else. There was his hero, shattering his dreams like they were the villain in this story.
And there was Midoriya Izuku, unable to think past the pain in his chest. The fear that everyone had always been right. The fear that he had never been enough, that he would never be enough, the fear that everything he did was just as pointless as everyone always told him it was. There was Midoriya Izuku, pain in his chest slowly turning to numbness, turning to something heavier to carry but easier to hold. There was Midoriya Izuku with his greatest fears confimred by the man who would know better than anyone else what was possible, Plus Ultra.
But there was no Plus Ultra in Izuku, that much was obvious. He was never going to be a hero; he never had a chance.
He thought about Kacchan. What would All Might have said to Kacchan? Probably of course you can do it, young man. He'd probably tell Kacchan he was just as amazing as everyone always said he was. And Kacchan was amazing. With a quirk like his, with determination like his, with confidence his, was there anything Kacchan couldn't do?
If there was, Izuku hadn't seen it yet.
But what did it matter? Kacchan had been telling Izuku his whole life that he'd never make it as a hero because he was worthless and quirkless. He was Deku, and that would never change. The sooner he accepted that, the better off he'd be. He could just - do something else, like All Might said. He could at least help the heroes; that wasn't unattainable.
Why did Izuku have to want something that was unattainable so badly?! It felt like a betrayal of his most ingrained ideals to give up on it! He wanted this, and he'd been determined to have it. And now, he was just supposed to give it up, like he hadn't spent fourteen years holding on until all he had left was a threadbare hope and spite.
It almost made him want to laugh, if he weren't so close to crying.
A clamour across the street finally, finally pulled Izuku out of his head, and he glanced toward it. There was a crowd gathered around the opening of an alley. There was fire crawling up the buildings on either side and something just beyond the crowd that he couldn't quite see clearly flailing around. There were screams and the voices of at least two heroes giving orders. Despite his own rejection and disappointment, Izuku couldn't stop himself from rushing across the street to get a closer look at what was going on.
His stomach dropped when he saw the sludge villain that All Might had captured earlier. It must have fallen off of him when Izuku grabbed on. That meant that this was his fault, and anyone who got hurt here was his responsibility. Shit. If he just hadn't done that, then this wouldn't be happening. Why was he so stupid?! And why did the yelling voice sound familiar? It wasn't a hero, that much was obvious, but who-
The sludge villain turned, and Izuku locked eyes with Kacchan.
(sludge, covering his body, it felt like it was trying to soak through his skin, he was trapped, he couldn't move-)
Izuku was moving before he could think it through. There were voices behind him, yelling for him to get back, it wasn't safe, but this was on Izuku's head, and he couldn't let Kacchan be hurt the same way he was. He couldn't let Kacchan be immobilized like that. He couldn't let it happen, but what could a quirkless kid like him do? Think, Deku! What can you do? You need a plan. An entry from his analysis floated through his head. Throw something at the villain to disorient and distract them. He launched his backpack off and it flew true. The bag slammed directly into the eyes of the villain and it screamed and jerked around, giving him just enough time to reach Kacchan and start tearing at the sludge encasing him.
"What are you doing, shitty Deku!" Kacchan screamed, voice hoarse. He sounded scared, though Izuku knew better than to think anyone else would hear it.
"I'm saving you!" he screamed back. Just buy them a few minutes until someone else could help, don't think about the sludge under his nails, don't think about the sludge forcing its way down his throat, oh god he can't breathe he can't breathe he's going to die here-
A hand caught his wrist. The hand was hotter than most, and sweaty, and the grip it had on him was painful. Izuku opened his eyes and saw Kacchan, grabbing him. He yelled something about not asking for help, but his eyes were begging. He was terrified and Izuku knew that feeling, knew the way it felt to not be able to breathe with the sludge in your throat, he knew exactly how Kacchan was feeling.
He took Kacchan's arm with both hands, braced himself, and pulled. Kacchan moved, just a few inches but it was enough that he was breathing freely now. Izuku pulled again and he came a little more free. Water sprayed over them, and Izuku almost lost his grip, but it made the sludge pull back slightly, even as its burning eyes turned to face them.
The eyes, that weren't sludge.
"Get out of here, you quirkless Deku!"
"The eyes, Kacchan!" They'd known each other for years, so it shouldn't have surprised Izuku that Kacchan immediately knew exactly what he was trying to say. He'd been the only one to actually read any of his hero analysis notebooks, the only one to offer feedback (even if it was more antagonistic than anything else). Kacchan knew exactly how Izuku thought, whether or not he wanted to, and right he knew what Izuku meant: The eyes are solid. Burn them.
Kacchan's other arm jerked free, but he never lost his grip on Izuku, never let go of the one thing trying to free him. With a scream, an explosion went off directly into the eyes of the sludge villain. A second, much more pained scream, sounded, and then, with one final pull, Izuku and Kacchan both went flying back.
Kacchan was on his feet in seconds, pulling Izuku up behind him. There were hands on them both, yanking them toward safety, toward the crowd. Without having to worry about Kacchan getting caught in the crossfire, the heroes proceeded to handle the villain quickly and soon had him trapped in many different bottles to be transported to the police station.
"Wow, kids, you're so brave," one of the heroes said. "What are your quirks?"
When Kacchan answered, he was met with awe-ing and congratulations on being so brave and strong and told he'd make a great hero one day. When Izuku answered, he was met with disbelief and outrage and being reprimanded on being so reckless and stupid.
He felt Kacchan's eyes on his back, but he didn't acknowledge it. It had been a bad enough day already, and as much as he wanted to make sure that his old friend was okay, he didn't know if he could withstand getting chewed out by Kacchan too, on top of everything else. Not after what he had said to Izuku earlier.
When nobody was paying anymore attention to the quirkless kid who had almost gotten himself killed, Izuku grabbed his bag and slipped away. It would take a few minutes before they noticed he was gone, probably, and unless they asked Kacchan for his name they wouldn't be able to find him. Izuku was used to being ignored and to fading to invisible in the background, and while most of the time it sucked, it could come in handy. And right now, it was all the better. At least this way his mom wouldn't cry at him again for being so close to a villain.
He winced. Or for running directly at a villain.
But he'd done it to save someone, so surely she would excuse it this once? Probably not, but maybe-
"Oi, shitty Deku." Izuku spun around on the sidewalk, coming face-to-face with Kacchan who definitely did not live in this direction.
"Oh, hey Kacchan! What are you doing here? Did you need something? You don't walk home this way because your house is in the other direction, is everything okay? Or-"
"Shut it, nerd," he growled. Izuku's jaw clicked shut and he swallowed audibly. Hopefully that wasn't too weird, not that Kacchan hadn't seen him do weirder, but still. "What was that earlier?"
"What-what are you talking aout, Kacchan?"
"Runing in there like that, dumbass. You could've gotten killed. I don't need to be responsible for that." He snarled toward Izuku, kind of like an angry dog. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"I just-well-it was-it was my fault that you got caught like that and I didn't want you to suffocate like I did and I know how scary it is to not be able to move with the sludge encasing you and I just needed to help—and I know you don't need my help, you would've gotten out just fine on your own, but-"
"What the fuck do you mean! I wasn't fucking scared! And how was it your fault?" Kacchan demanded.
"Oh, well, the sludge villain got me earlier today but All Might saved me and I followed him to ask him a question and I accidentally made him drop the canister it was in and I didn't realize but then he told me-" Izuku cut himself off abruptly. He shouldn't tell All Might's secret to anyone, not even Kacchan.
"Told you what, you damn nerd?"
"He-" Izuku's mind went spinning for an excuse, a lie, anything, but with the snarl of Kacchan's face looming over him, all he could do was spit out the most painful truth he had. "He told me that a quirkless kid could never be a hero."
All the air went out of Izuku, like a deflating balloon, and he collapsed down on the curb. He hadn't said it out loud yet, and it took until that very moment for a part of him to really believe it had happened; that he really didn't have a chance, at all. Kacchan looked actually surprised (Izuku couldn't remember the last time that Kacchan had looked at him with anything except for contempt) and took a step back. The look was gone just as quick, though, and he stared Izuku down.
"Yeah?"
"If anyone would know, it would be him, right?" Izuku said, and some part of realized how pathetic it was that he was practically begging Kacchan, Bakugou Katsuki, of all people to tell him that All Might was wrong and that he could still do it. Kacchan had been the first person to ever tell him he'd never make it. He wasn't going to change his mind now, not after a decade of anger.
"You finally going to give up, Deku?"
He wanted to argue the point. He wanted to say that he was going to go into a profession where he could help the heroes. Help people. He was going to be a detective so he could lead heroes to where the villains were. Be a cop so that he could arrest the small-time villains and the heroes would have less to worry about. Be a doctor so that he could heal the unlucky people who got caught up in the villains' rampages.
But it all felt like a lie. It felt like a little kid holding onto a string that someone had already cut the balloon off of and insisting that the balloon was still there.
It felt like a dream. And Izuku couldn't take another one of those, shattered.
"I can do other things to help," he says instead, but he knows Kacchan isn't stupid. He knows Kacchan is even smarter than him with how much he studies and how well his grades are doing. He knows that Kacchan will hear his words and know that he's not answering, not really. He knows that it won't take Kacchan long to figure out why. He hops Kacchan won't press the point. He hopes Kacchan will take pity on him and leave him alone. He'd never done it before, but maybe, today of all days, Izuku would get lucky.
"Tch. Whatever." Kacchan stared at him for a moment more. Deku couldn't rightly look him in the face. It was too hard, too far, too unreachable. How could he have ever thought he would be on Kacchan's level? How could he even imagine something like that for someone as useless as him? He'd been stupid, and Kacchan was so smart, and so talented, and so skilled.
Deku didn't have a chance. He never had, he'd just been too stubborn to admit it.
"Go home, Deku," Kacchan said, his voice almost soft. "Auntie's going to tear you a new one for being so stupid."
"Yeah," he said, dragging himself off the curb. He hesitated a moment and then said, "I'm glad you're okay, Kacchan." His eyes widened, just for a fraction of a second, and then his face was blank again. Izuku shrugged, turned around, and went home.
~~~~~
Katsuki watched Deku leave until he disappeared around a corner. His head was down and he dragged his feet through every step. Katsuki had never seen someone look so fucking defeated, and especially not Deku. That dumbass got in the middle of everything and he got up no matter how many times the others tried to get rid of him. He never fucking gave up. It looked-
Wrong.
Katsuki shook his head, trying to dispell the weird feeling in his brain. He didn't like it, feeling unsure, and about Deku, of all things. He hated that nerd. That's how it had always been, and he didn't think it would be changing anytime soon.
Katsuki eventually turned around to go to his own house, and realized he was still holding Deku's shitty notebook. It said Hero Analysis No. 13 across the cover in Deku's shitty handwriting. It was the whole reason he'd even come back this way. He knew this was Deku's and he knew that the nerd would be shitting his pants once he realized that he didn't have it on him anymore. He'd been going to return it, his good fucking deed for the day, but it was still clutched in his hand, so hard that the pages were starting to crinkle. They were water logged, and burned, and some of the writing inside was almost illegible.
Katsuki had done that. And then he'd told Deku to jump off the roof. And then he'd almost been killed by a sludge villain.
This day had just been one thing after another.
Katsuki shot one last look down the street after Deku, stomach twisting. He figured it was the annoyance of having come all this way and not even getting his task accomplished because Deku couldn't stay on topic. Now he'd either have to go to Deku's house to return or wait until they were back in school on Monday.
Groaning, Katsuki trudged toward home. He still hadn't eaten dinner yet and he still had to work out today so he'd get into U.A. The nerd had wanted to go there too, but now he guessed he wasn't even going to try and he wouldn't see him in class.
Not that that nerd had ever had a chance of getting in! He was stupid and quirkless and he wasn't going to make it. They'd never allow that to happen somewhere as prestigious as U.A.
His stomach twisted again at the thought and, even more annoyed now, Katsuki forcibly shoved every thought of that stupid nerd and his ridiculous dreams out of his head. He had to focus on himself, and getting into U.A. He didn't have time to think about Deku.
Still the whole walk home, and through his work out, and as he lay in bed, exhausted, trying to convince his half-asleep brain that his blanket wasn't choking him and he could breathe goddamnit, Deku lingered in the back of his mind.
That shitty nerd would get up tomorrow and be right back at it. He always was. That's what Deku did. He always had gotten right back up and he always would.
There was no way he was actually giving up. That would be too easy, and that dumbass never took the easy way out.