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Chapter Text

It started with Natasha asking Steve a question. He and Bucky were in their apartment in the tower playing Clue with Bruce and Tony when she showed up with Clint and a bowl of popcorn. Steve opened his mouth to greet her and yawned. He’d been awake for three days straight on a mission, and normally Bucky would have wanted to let him sleep. But he had a concussion, and even with his advanced healing, it was important for him to stay awake for a few hours to be sure his brain was alright. So they started playing board games. Bucky had vetoed Monopoly because he always fell asleep during it, and Tony always seemed to get the best properties. Life was out because it freaked Tony out for reasons nobody could really understand- probably something to do with the deep-seated daddy issues. So Steve had suggested Clue, which neither he nor Bucky had played before. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

By the time Natasha arrived, fresh from her own post-mission medical exam, Bucky had become convinced that, no matter what anyone said, the murder had been done by Mr. Green with the lead pipe; Steve was arguing that it had to have been done in the study because it had the best tactical advantage; and Tony was loudly lamenting how board games couldn’t be simple with Steve and Bucky in the room. Finally, when it looked like Tony and Bucky were going to come to blows, Bruce reached out and flipped the cards over, revealing Mr. Green, in the study, with the candle stick.

“Hah!” Bucky shouted. “I knew it!”

“It’s the candlestick, snowcone, not the lead pipe,” Tony pointed out. Bucky frowned at him.

“Well, I don’t see you having made even half a prediction that turned out,” he said.

“That’s because I was playing the game,” Tony protested. “You know, by the rules.”

“Fuck the rules,” Bucky told him. Steve shook his head and retreated to the couch. He could see where this was going. He’d been there for Settlers of Catan, and boy had that been a fiasco. There were still pictures circulating on the internet somewhere from that night, and somebody had retrieved the pieces that got thrown out the window and was selling them for big bucks on ebay. The desert tile was currently going for almost a thousand dollars. If anyone ever got their hands on the thief, it would probably shoot the price up into the millions, but that piece (now a rather odd mass of squashed grey plastic in a little baggie,) was lovingly displayed on the wall of the common room to remind everyone NOT to piss the Hulk off by stealing all of Bruce’s cards. To be fair, nobody had expected Bruce to get into the game as much as he did, and Pepper hadn’t been around to act as a moderating influence on Tony.

“This is gonna be bad, isn’t it?” Natasha asked Steve while Bucky and Tony’s comments were quickly escalating into a shouting match. They knew it wasn’t serious yet because Pepper was still curled up in her chair with a book, but that could change at any second.

“At least it’s not Settlers of Catan,” Steve offered. “I don’t think we have to worry about the Hulk tonight.”

“True,” Natasha nodded, waving to Bruce who was by the door to the kitchen. He waved back, then quietly slipped out. A few minutes later delicious smells began wafting out into the common room, not that Bucky or Tony noticed. They were having too much fun arguing. It was an odd sort of friendship, but it worked.

“So,” Natasha said, when they’d been watching Tony and Bucky fight for a few minutes, “I was down in medical today.”

“Uh-huh. I saw.” Steve had been there too. It wasn’t like her to tell him things he already knew. He had a bad feeling about where this was going.

“Well, I was talking to a certain someone, and he said you two aren’t dating anymore.”

Steve closed his eyes. Of all the things for her to bring up, it had to be that. And it had to be right in front of the one person he didn’t want to hear about it. He felt his face heating up.

“It’s true,” he told her, hoping she would leave it at that. No such luck.

“Why?” Natasha asked. “I thought you two were getting along really well.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Clint said, loudly. “Cap was dating someone? And he broke up with her?”

“Him,” Steve said through gritted teeth. “I broke up with him. Yes. Not that it’s any of your business.” His words rang in the suddenly silent room. Of all the times for Tony and Bucky to stop fighting, it had to be then.

“Him?” Bucky asked, voice low and shocked. Steve went pale, turned, and left the room.

“Steve, wait,” Natasha followed, leaving Tony, Bucky, and Clint staring at each other.

“Him?” Bucky asked again, looking around at Tony and Clint.

“Don’t ask me,” Clint shrugged. “I didn’t even know Cap was dating.”

“Tony? Did you know?” Bucky turned to the man, who was staring at the door Steve had just left through. Bucky couldn’t quite believe it. Steve… was gay? Not that it mattered- back in their old neighborhood there had been a lot of queer people, but that hadn’t made one lick of difference for Bucky or Steve- they were all just trying to survive, same as everyone else. But, Steve? He’d never said, never given any indication… Bucky didn’t know how to feel about that.

“About Cap’s guy? Yeah. Why d’you think I laid off the virgin jokes? ‘Course it took me a couple weeks to catch on, him being so secretive and all.”

“Steve’s not secretive,” Bucky protested, then paused. Five minutes ago, he would have said Steve couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. And yet, now he knew he’d been hiding something this big. And not just hiding it, but hiding it from Bucky. He’d never even tried to keep a secret from Bucky before. That hurt. Had he thought Bucky wouldn’t understand? Or that maybe he was too fragile, still recovering from the programming, to have his world-view rocked like that? Either option set his stomach to boiling.

“Sucks, though,” Tony continued, as if he hadn’t heard Bucky speak. “I thought they had a thing. He was even cool about Cap taking off for months and months looking for you. Pepper brought him in to skype on the private line a couple times, even.”

“You know,” Pepper came over, resting a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “I’ve never seen Steve run away from anything,” she pointed out, “but the way he left just now looked an awful lot like running away.”

“Fuck,” Bucky and Tony both swore.

“Maybe you could…” Tony made a vague gesture between Pepper and the door, but she shook her head.

“No, I don’t think I’m the one he needs to talk to,” she said. “Bucky, you should go to him.”

“Why?” Bucky wanted to know. She was right, of course, but he wanted to know why she thought so. Already, Bucky was realizing that Steve hadn’t left until Bucky had asked that question.

“He was just outed,” Pepper explained patiently. “He wasn’t ready for it, and suddenly the most important person in his life knows he was dating a man. How would you feel, if someone revealed a secret like that about you to Steve? He’s scared. He doesn’t know how you’ll react.”

“You’re okay with it, right?” Tony demanded. “Steve being bi? Because if not, there’s a problem.”

Bucky was slightly offended that anyone would think Steve would have to worry about that from him, but he was also glad to know that the little punk finally had more than just Bucky in his corner. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he said. “It’s fine. I was just… surprised is all.”

“Then he needs to hear that,” Pepper told him. “He needs to know you’re not going to reject him.”

“Reject him? Never! Steve knows that. It’s always been him and me, ‘till the end of the line.” The very thought was disgusting to Bucky.

“Still, he needs to hear it,” Pepper insisted. “When he came out to us, after Tony worked out that he was dating someone, he was scared, he thought we’d kick him out of the Avengers, or worse.”

“He came in, white as a sheet. I thought he was gonna tell us the world was ending or something,” Tony commented.

“It’s ‘cause of what it was like, back before the war,” Bucky said. “Anyone… like that, it was illegal. Police made raids and everything. And if you even looked at the wrong guy wrong, you’d end up with your face punched in. Steve got beat up a few times like that, but I always thought they were just making shit up, saying he was queer.”

“They weren’t,” Tony told him. “Maybe you should’a figured that out before now.”

Bucky bristled, angry at the accusation, but Pepper moved in and put a calming hand on his arm.

“Why don’t you go find Steve, alright? You boys can play ‘who’s his best friend’ later.”

Bucky went, but not without a parting “Fuck you,” to Tony.

Steve wasn’t upstairs in their apartment. Nor was he out on the roof, or downstairs in the gym. Out of ideas, Bucky resorted to asking Jarvis, who informed him that “Captain Rogers” was down in the garage with “Agent Romanov.”

“I am detecting elevated stress levels,” the (robot? butler? robot-butler?) added. “The captain appears to be in some distress.”

Bucky cursed, and headed down to garage level. He got to the workroom in time to hear Natalia say “Steve, I’m sorry.”

“Go away, Nat,” Steve said. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Bucky paused outside the door, waiting to hear what was going on inside.

“Steve…” Natalia sounded worried.

“I mean it, Nat. Please, go away.”

“I honestly didn’t know James didn’t know,” Natalia said. “I thought, of all of us, he’d be the one you talked about it with.”

Now Bucky was really glad he hadn’t interrupted. He wanted to hear what Steve said to that.

“Well, I didn’t. I didn’t know how he’d take it, and I was waiting for the right time. Then I broke up with Travis, and it didn’t seem important anymore.” Steve’s explanation made sense, it just didn’t seem like him. He’d never worried about telling Bucky something before, even something this big.

“I don’t think he minds,” Natalia told him, and Bucky had never heard her voice that soft.

Steve snorted. “Did you hear him back there? He was shocked. Now I’m gonna have to go explain myself, and hope I still have my best friend.”

“After everything you’ve been through,” Natalia asked, voice still soft, like she was trying to calm a wounded animal. “You think something like this is going to break your friendship?”

Bucky held his breath as Steve paused. Eventually, he said “No. Well, I hope not. God. This is fucked up.”

“It’ll be fine,” Natalia reassured him. “He’ll probably be more upset that you broke up with Travis before you introduced them.”

“Maybe,” Steve sighed. “Nat, please go. I really do just want to be alone right now.”

Natalia sighed too. “Alright, but at least tell me why you broke things off with Travis.”

“I… There’s someone else,” Steve said. Bucky knew that tone, it was his guilty, ‘I’m gonna get yelled at’ tone. “It wasn’t fair to Travis, to keep seeing him like that.” Someone else? Who?

Natalia had the same question. “Who? Someone I know?”

“He’s… yeah. You know him. But before you ask, I’m not gonna tell you who he is. There’s no chance he feels the same way, so it doesn’t matter to anyone but me.” Oh Steve, Bucky thought. He never did have any luck in love.

“You never know. Come on, tell me who it is.”

“I can’t,” Steve’s voice was tormented. “It’s not… he’ll find out. He’ll figure it out, and then it’ll be over.”

“Oh Steve. Is it…?” Natalia trailed off, as if afraid to say the name she was thinking.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” Steve asked, and Bucky heard movement. He risked peeking in the door, to see Natalia hugging Steve.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and kissed him on the cheek when she pulled back.

Steve shrugged. “Just, do me a favor?”

“What is it?” Natalia asked.

“Don’t try and set me up on any more dates, ok? I need some time to work through this.”

“Sure,” Natalia nodded. “You got it.” She gently squeezed his shoulder, and waked away. She passed Bucky on the way out, and the look she gave him was equal parts warning and sorrow. “Don’t hurt him,” she warned, and left.

Bucky walked in to the room and watched Steve’s back go stiff.

“Hey,” he said, when it became clear Steve wasn’t going to say something. “So… guys, huh?”

“And girls,” Steve said, still not looking at him. “The term for it is ‘bisexual’.”

“So…” Bucky groped for something to say. “He hot? The guy you dumped?”

“Buck!” Steve finally turned around, meeting Bucky’s eyes with his own wide blue ones.

“What?” Bucky asked, spreading his hands in a gesture of innocence. “I’m just askin’.”

“You find out I’m into guys and the first thing you ask is ‘is he hot’?”

“Sure,” Bucky gave him his best impish grin. “It’s the first thing I’d ask if I found out you were dating a dame. Guess guys ain’t that different.”

“So you’re not upset?” Steve wanted to know.

“Well,” Bucky leaned back against a table, fixing his eyes on Steve’s face. “I’m a little mad you didn’t tell me you were seeing somebody, but am I upset you’re, ah, ‘bisexual’? No.” He was a little surprised to find the words were true. He didn’t care that Steve wanted to date guys and girls. He did care that he hadn’t felt he could discuss it with Bucky.

Steve gave him a tentative smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Buck. Back… before the war, I didn’t know there was a word for what I am. I didn’t know how to talk about it, and since I like dames too, I figured it didn’t matter. After… you were dead, and then you were recovering, and I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“But you were seeing this guy, since before I, ah, ‘woke up’?” Bucky asked. Steve nodded.

“Yeah, he was my doctor, after I got defrosted. We got to talking, and he saw that I needed a friend, someone to help me get back in the world. We… hung out a few times, and eventually it was pretty clear that we were both interested. We kept it real quiet, didn’t tell anyone. Then Tony found out, and when Travis came to visit me in the hospital after the helicarriers everybody else found out too. I was gonna tell you, I just… didn’t know how. I didn’t want to upset you. And if you didn’t want me around anymore… I couldn’t take that, not so soon after everything else.”

Bucky nodded. He understood. He didn’t like it, but he understood. “Ok, I guess I can see how you might worry about telling me. I’ve only been back to myself really for a couple months. I know you all dance around talking about things that might set me off, and I guess I can see that you being queer or bisexual, or whatever you call it might seem like something to worry about. No,” he raised his hand to stop Steve’s protests. “I know you’re all doing it, and I understand it. I don’t want to be set off either. Though I hope once I’ve proved I’m back in my right mind, all this tiptoeing around will stop.”

“Thanks, Buck.” Steve turned back to his motorcycle. “I am sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

“Well,” Bucky slid in beside him, using his own strength, and the augmented strength of his bionic arm, to lift the bike up onto the platform. “I guess you’ll just have to make it up to me by telling me all the details.”

“Bucky!” Bucky looked up to see Steve blushing. “That’s private!”

“So?” he wanted to know. “I told you all about every girl I was ever with.”

“And I really didn’t need to hear most of that!” Steve said. Bucky laughed at him, grabbing a tool off the bench and sliding in under the bike. Steve joined him a moment later and pointed out the part he’d meant to be replacing.

“Still, come on. Give me something. At least tell me if he was hot or not.”

“He’s… very attractive,” Steve said. “Dark hair, nice eyes, good smile.”

“What about his body?” Bucky pushed, the same way he’d have asked if it were a girl they were discussing. “Nice? Did you ever…?”

“Did I ever what?” Steve shot him a look that said he knew exactly what Bucky was asking, and was gonna make him say it.

“You know. Did you ever do the deed? Sleep together?”

“Bucky!” Steve cried again, face turning deep red.

“What? Come on, who’re you gonna tell it to? Stark? Am I your best friend, or not?” Bucky demanded.

“You are, you are!” Steve reassured him. “It’s just… I don’t talk about… sex.”

“Well, that’s no excuse. There’re a lot of things you don’t talk about, but we talk about ‘em anyway.”

“Ok. Fine. Yes, we did. Have sex, I mean.” Steve glared, as if daring him to question him, but the effect was ruined by the particularly brilliant shade of red on his face. When he turned away to look at something on the motorcycle, Bucky could see the blush also covered the backs of his ears.

“So?” he asked, enjoying the little enraged/embarrassed squeak that Steve made. “Was it good?”

“I… yeah. Yeah, it was.” Steve gave him a small grin. “I finally understood what you were saying about all those girls.”

“How’d it work?” Bucky asked, suddenly curious. Two guys… how would one guy fuck another guy? He’d never thought about it before.

“Well, the usual way, you know, just, ah…” Steve cringed. “Can’t you just look it up on the internet? Do I really need to explain it to you?”

“Yep,” Bucky told him. “So start talking.”

“Then, ah… well, one of us would be on top, and the other would… would be the dame, see. Only, you know, we don’t have girl parts, so we ah…” Steve was turning an even deeper shade of red. Bucky had a sudden cartoon image of someone with steam shooting out of their ears. If that was ever possible, that was where Steve would be right about then. Bucky cracked up, he couldn’t help it.

“What?” Steve was looking at him, offended.

“I- haha, I just… ha! It’s- you could fry an egg on your face!” Bucky finally said, once he could get his laughter under control.

“This is embarrassing, Buck!” Steve said. “Really! I don’t know how people actually talk about this stuff!”

“Alright, alright,” Bucky relented, making a mental note to look it up on the internet later. Really, if there was one good thing about this century, it was the internet. “You don’t have to tell me. Just tell me about him. What did you guys do on dates?”

They spent a good hour under the motorcycle together, talking about Steve’s dates with Travis, and how the relationship had progressed. Once Bucky got over the weirdness of using male pronouns for both parties, it was just like talking about his relationships with dames. All the awkwardness of earlier vanished, and Bucky found Steve talking more than he had since they’d both died and come back. It was nice, to sit there with him, and just talk. After they’d finished replacing the part (with one of Tony’s upgrades) they just lay on their backs under the bike and chatted. Steve started getting sleepier, yawning between words more often than not, until Bucky pulled him close and let him use his non-metal shoulder as a pillow. Steve snuggled up to him, and though something said it ought to be weird to do this, now that he knew Steve was into guys, it wasn’t. They’d done stuff like that all their lives, that didn’t change because suddenly he knew a bit more about Steve.

When they had been there for a long while, and Bucky thought maybe it was safe to let Steve fall asleep even after the concussion, Bucky asked one more question.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Hmm?” Steve was in that sleepy-pliant state just before falling into actual slumber, resting with closed eyes on Bucky’s chest.

“You told Natalia you broke up with your guy because you’re in love with someone else.”

“Yeah,” Steve didn’t say any more, content to leave it at that. But Bucky wasn’t.

“Who is it?”

Steve sighed and shifted against Bucky. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, it does, pal. I don’t want you unhappy, and whoever this guy is, maybe I can talk to him, see what’s what.” It seemed really important to find out who the guy was.

Steve opened his eyes and lifted his head to look at Bucky. “No, Buck. I’m not talking about it. To anyone.” His tone of voice closed the discussion. Bucky was going to have to get the information some other way. He sighed, resigned.

“Ok, that’s fine. You just take it easy punk, you’ve had a hell of a day.” Bucky’s flesh hand crept up and gently pressed Steve’s head back down.

Steve hummed, and after a few more minutes, his breathing evened out. Bucky thought he was asleep, and was relaxing into his own doze when he heard Steve call his name softly.

“Yeah?” he didn’t open his eyes.

“We’re good, right?” Steve asked, and the fear in his voice squeezed Bucky’s heart.

“Yeah, punk. We’re good,” he reassured him, running soothing fingers through Steve’s hair.

“Mm. Good. I missed you, Buck.” Bucky felt the last of the tension drain from Steve’s body. A few minutes later he was snoring.

Chapter Text

The next day, Bucky tracked down Natalia in the apartment she shared with Clint. It was still odd seeing her name listed as “Natasha” on the door, but he was getting used to it. After all, the strong, secretive woman who smiled for Clint and thought of Steve as a friend was very different from the deadly, angry girl he’d trained as the Winter Soldier all those years ago. Some days, he could almost believe they were two different people, but then she’d say or do something, and he’d remember that, yeah, he’d helped the Red Room steal her childhood.

Despite that, they were friends. Maybe not in the loud way he was with Tony, or the perfect meshing of personalities he had with Steve, but friends nonetheless. So Bucky believed her the best one to go to, to get information on Steve. After all, she was their spy. If anyone would know who the mystery guy was, it was her.

Natalia opened the door almost before he knocked, took one look at his face, and said “No, I’m not telling you anything.”

Bucky tried his most winning smile. “Tell me what? I just came down to visit. I’m getting tired of being stuck in this tower all the time, you know.”

“Uh-huh.” Natalia raised an eyebrow at him. “Right. Pull the other one.” Nevertheless, she moved aside and let him enter her apartment.

“Really!” Bucky insisted. “Steve’s in a meeting with Fury about whatever went wrong yesterday that got the two of you banged up, Tony’s locked himself in his office with Bruce, and nobody else seems to be around. And I’m bored. If Fury doesn’t start letting me out of the tower sometime in the next few weeks, I might actually snap.”

“And the fact that I know who Steve was dating has nothing to do with your visit?” Natalia slid down onto her couch, and looked up at Bucky as he joined her.

“I know who he was dating. He told me. Yesterday.” Bucky let the silence lapse for a moment before adding “Though, while we’re on the subject-”

“No.” Natalia cut him off. “I’m not going to tell you who he’s in love with. That’s his business.”

“But you know.” That was a fact, which she at least didn’t deny.

“I do.”

“If I know, maybe I could help.”

Natalia laughed at him. “Maybe. Maybe not. Why’s it so important to you?”

Bucky shrugged. “He’s my friend. I want to see him happy.” It was a simple answer, but for some reason it didn’t feel complete.

“Hmm.” Natalia didn’t sound convinced.

“It’s true. He’s never been lucky in love. The only real chance he had to be happy was with Peggy, and that ended when he put that plane in the water. If I can help him now, I want to. Steve deserves that much.” That was the honest truth, and Bucky could see that Natalia knew it. But she still shook her head.

“Sorry, James. I’m still not telling you.” And no matter what he said, he couldn’t convince her otherwise. He was honestly bored though, so he stayed with Natalia for a few hours, and helped her pick out a game for that evening- it was a Friday, and they always had game night on Fridays (barring a mission or some attack on the city.) Since board games had been proven to cause an unnecessary amount of havoc, Bucky suggested they try a card game, which was when Natalia brought out Taboo.

“Wait, wait,” Bucky picked up the brightly colored box and started flipping through the cards. “So, they have to guess the word, but you can’t say any part of it? Or any of the related words on the list?”

“Yep,” Natalia pulled the stack from his hands and shuffled them before stuffing them back in the box. “Think you and Steve are up to it?” And that was how, a few hours later, Bucky ended up on the floor next to Steve, trying to describe the word “Panda” without saying the words ‘bear’, ‘express’, ‘Chinese food’, ‘Australia’, or ‘animal’; while Clint and Tony laughed themselves silly across from them.

“It’s a… thing that lives, and is black and white. Eats bamboo.”

“Panda!” Steve guessed, almost before Bucky had finished his attempt to describe it. The former assassin flashed his friend a thumbs up and pulled another card, which just so happened to be the name of one of their teammates.

“An arrogant prick who likes to think he’s better than all of us.”

“Tony,” Steve said, with an apologetic glance at their friend.

“Hey! I’m not that arrogant!” Tony protested. Pepper shot him a look. He considered it. “Ok,” he admitted, “maybe I am.”

Bucky pulled another card, ‘baseball’. He hadn’t even opened his mouth before Steve was calling it out.

“Hey, no fair! He didn’t even say anything!” Clint yelled, pointing at Bucky for emphasis. Steve shrugged.

“What can I say. I know what that particular expression means.” He grinned at Bucky, who grinned right back. Whatever else was different now, at least this hadn’t changed. They still knew each other’s minds as well as their own. And Bucky was able to prove it when it came his turn to guess and Steve’s to read. He may not have known Steve was into guys as well as dames, but he still knew that when his eyebrows lifted and he glanced at Bucky’s foot, he was thinking of the word ‘football’, and he only needed to hear Steve say ‘Sunday nights’ to guess ‘dancing’. They won by a landslide. Neither Pepper and Tony or Clint and Natasha knew each other quite at that level, though Pepper could have given them a run for their money if Tony had never been allowed to guess.

Looking at their pile of cards, Bucky wondered how he’d never even guessed Steve wanted to date guys. They knew each other inside and out, so how come that had slipped his notice? Well, it was water under the bridge at that point. What he could do was use his knowledge of Steve to find out exactly who he liked. Natasha’s questions passed through his mind. Why did it matter so much? Bucky pushed the thought aside. It mattered because he wanted to see Steve happy. Nothing else.

Chapter Text

The next person Bucky went to was Bruce. He'd actually planned to go to Clint next, since if anybody knew what Natalia knew, it would be him, but Bucky hadn't quite worked up the nerve to see if he was home- not when there was a large chance that Natasha would answer the door, and she would know what he was there for. So instead, he decided on asking Bruce during their weekly "anger-management" sessions.

"So..." Bucky asked over their game of chess ("It's a calming game that makes you focus, and I need someone to play against, since Tony keeps trying to bring out the Other Guy when we play" had been Bruce's reasoning to add the game to their sessions.) "About Steve..."

Bruce looked up from his queen, which was currently in danger from Bucky's bishops, and raised an eyebrow at him. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"No, it's just... Did you know he was dating a guy?" Bucky rather hoped the answer was no, just so he went the only one who had been left in the dark, but Bruce was nodding.

"Travis? Yeah." He grinned. "Steve needed somebody to talk to when he started freaking out over the whole thing, and he hadn't met Sam yet. Though," Bruce picked up his queen and took one of Bucky's bishops. "I suspect he really wanted to talk to you."

"Steve freaked out?" Bucky thought about it, then shrugged. "I guess he would, at that. What was he worried about?" It hurt that he hadn't been there, hadn't been the one Steve went to. If it had been anyone but Bruce, he would have been jealous, but Bruce was so straightforward and honest about everything, Bucky could understand Steve going to him. Even Sam, who everyone agreed was just about the nicest person on the planet, didn't have Bruce's calming presence.

"Hmm," Bruce watched Bucky's face, not his hands as the former assassin picked up a knight and removed the white queen from the board. "Well, I think mostly he was worried about what the team would think. Our opinions matter a lot to him."

"Too much," Bucky agreed. "He shouldn't need to worry about what we think of him. He's great as he is, and if anyone has a problem, they can answer to me."

"I think we can all say that," Bruce barely looked at the board before taking a castle with one of his pawns. "And that's what I told him. We just want him to be happy."

"Did it help?" Bucky wanted to know. Bruce shrugged.

"I think so," Bruce said. "Though it took a while before anything came of it. He wasn't sure what to do about his attraction to Travis at first. Then, when Travis started to push the issue, Steve ran off. That was when he came to me, and wouldn't even admit what was wrong until I'd worked it out myself."

"How'd you figure it out?" Bucky asked, taking a pawn that was getting too close to his side of the board.

"I guessed," Bruce told him. "He doesn't get worked up easily, so I knew it had to be something big. And I'd seen him with Travis earlier that day. I don't think I'd ever seen him blush that much, until he came to me asking for advice on 'a problem with a friend.'"

"So he was just worried about how everyone would see it? That was it?" Bucky watched Bruce move another pawn forward, and advanced one of his own.

"Well," Bruce got a strange look on his face, one Bucky couldn't read. "I think he was also guilty. He felt like he was betraying someone he'd been in love with back during the war. He didn't think he should be able to be in love again, not when he'd been so certain the person he had been in love with was the one he wanted to be with forever."

"Peggy," Bucky said, and for some reason, it hurt. There was that mixed up ball of emotions he'd always had when Steve was with Peggy, the jealousy of someone else being the focus if Steve's world, and the gladness that Steve was finally happy with someone. He really had to get over that. One day, Steve would find someone to settle down with. Then Bucky would just have to share him, even if he didn't like it

"Maybe," Bruce acknowledged. "He didn't say, really." And there was that odd look again, the one Bucky couldn't read.

"But he worked it out, didn't he? They were together for a good long while, from what I've heard."

"Yeah," Bruce moved a bishop into range of Bucky's King. "Check."

"But now Steve's in love with someone else. And he won't tell me who." Bucky wasn't pouting. He wasn't. He was just... Concerned. Yeah, that was it- he was just concerned that Steve was unhappy.

Bruce blinked at him. "And you can't figure it out on your own." It was a statement, not a question. "Well, it's not like I can help you there. He hasn't told me anything."

Bucky made another move, before answering. Getting his King out of danger and getting near Bruce's in one fell swoop. "Check. Are you sure you don't know? You know more of the people he's been around the past few years, you've got to have some idea."

"I have an idea, yeah," Bruce trailed off as he stared at the board before making his next move. "But I don't know for sure, and I'm not going to speculate without more proof. If he wants us to know, he'll tell us."

"But-!" Bucky started to protest, only to stop when Bruce raised his eyebrow again. "Ok, fine. But I still wish he'd say. I can't even think of anyone he might be interested in. I know it's a guy, but beyond that..."

"Why so interested?" Bruce asked him. Bucky shrugged.

"He's my friend." That answer didn't really feel complete, though. "He... I want him to be happy. Steve deserves to be happy. And if I can help, I want to." He moved another piece on the board, not looking too carefully at where he was putting it.

"I see." Bruce was giving him that look again. Bucky kept his eyes on the board, wondering why he felt like he'd been caught in a lie. "I think you're just going to have to trust Steve on this. If he needs our help, he'll ask. And maybe you should give more thought to why you need to know."

Bucky frowned at him, unsure of what he was getting at. "I told you! I want him to be happy."

"True enough, but if that were all to it, I think you wouldn't be quite so worried. I think the answer to why is more important than the answer to who." Bruce made another move while he spoke. "Checkmate, by the way."

Bucky decided to drop the topic. Bruce's clear-sighted gaze was starting to make him uncomfortable for reasons he didn't fully understand.

Chapter Text

Clint started a betting pool. Bucky couldn’t get anyone to tell him what it was on, but he knew it concerned Steve. Which, after some thought, he realized was probably why nobody would tell him what it was, or let him in on the action. There was really only one thing to do then- go directly to the source. After all, if anyone was going to make money off of a bet on Steve, it would be Bucky himself.

He found Clint in the shooting range, practicing. Bucky couldn’t resist the challenge, and picked up a gun of his own, setting up a target right next to the archer. They shot side-by-side for a few rounds, before Clint laughed and came to stand next to Bucky and examined his target.

“Well well, look who’s here. Our second icicle. Come to watch the big boys?”

Bucky snorted, indicating the target riddled with kill shots with his metal hand. “As if. I can out-shoot you any day, bird-brain.”

“Oh, ho, big talk from the old guy. Want to try a little wager?” Clint challenged.

Bucky laughed. “Sure. Why not. What’s the bet?”

“I bet you I can ‘kill’ more targets in five minutes on the obstacle course than you. My bow, your gun. I win, you owe me a favor that I can collect at any time. You win, you get the same.”

Bucky considered it, then grinned. “Well. Sounds good. But I want something else. If I win, I want in on the bet.”

“Bet?” Clint tried to look confused, and failed. “What bet?”

“The one about Steve? The one nobody’ll tell me about?” Bucky pushed. His companion laughed.

“Well, I suppose we can work something out. But if I win, you still owe me a favor.”

Bucky took the bet.

It came out in a tie. Not for lack of trying, but Bucky must have let himself get a little rusty, if he let Clint come anywhere close to a tie. Not even Falsworth had ever been able to tie with him before. They stood panting at the end of the obstacle course, respective weapons empty of ammo, looking up at the scoreboard, and Bucky cursed.

“No fucking way,” Clint said. “I’m a better shot than Natasha. Even she can’t tie me on this course.”

Bucky shrugged. “Guess I got a little rusty. Two months ago, you wouldn’t have even come close to my score.”

“Hah,” his companion laughed. “You wish, icicle. Remind me again, who was the one that finally helped Steve track you down?”

“Sam and Natasha,” Bucky replied, deadpan. Clint made a face at him.

“Right, but I was the one that pinned you long enough for Steve to knock you out.”

“Lucky shot.”

“Was not.”

“Was too.”

“Not.”

“Too.”

“You two are both children,” a new voice said, and both Clint and Bucky turned to see Pepper standing there frowning at them.

“But Pepper, he-” Clint started to protest.

“Nope. I live with Tony. I know childish when I see it. And this? I’m surprised Tony isn't down here instigating this.”

“It was a bet,” Bucky explained, squirming under Pepper’s gaze. Her disappointed face wasn’t as epic as Steve’s, but it still made him want to hide under the rug. “I wanted in on the bet Clint has going, so he said we could shoot for it.”

“I see,” Pepper turned her disappointment on Clint, who seemed to shrink in on himself. “And this bet would be… what, exactly?”

“Well, uh, you see, the thing is…” Bucky almost felt sorry for Clint. Almost. “Well, it’s just Steve’s love life is… sort of nonexistent. But Nat says he’s in love with someone we all know. So, we’re taking bets as to who it is.”

“I see.” Pepper was really, really good at the ‘mom’ look. “And you didn’t want to let Bucky in on it because he’s Steve’s best friend, and therefore stands the best chance of winning.”

“Err…” Clint shot a guilty look at Bucky, who shrugged.

“Fair enough. Though I honestly don’t have any idea who it is, just so you know.”

“Right.” Pepper nodded decisively. “Who’s currently in the running?”

“Ah…” Clint squirmed again, looking at Bucky with an expression the former assassin couldn’t quite read. “Well, we’ve got bets on Coulson, that kid on Coulson’s team- Fitz or Fritz or… whatever his name is. The science-y one. Also the guy downstairs in reception, the security guy that has to follow Bucky around on the lower floors, and Tony. Though, to be fair, Tony only bet on himself because he thinks it’s funny. Also something about a threesome with you and him and Steve being hot.”

Pepper laughed and rolled her eyes. “That sounds like Tony. But that can’t be the only names on the list. You’ve been taking bets from all the staff too, haven’t you?”

“Well…” Clint squirmed, while Bucky started to get concerned about the look in Pepper’s eyes. “There’s only one more with multiple bets…”

“Well, who is it?” Bucky demanded, sick of the hedging. “’Cause, sad to say, but I’m pretty sure it’s not any of those others.”

“It’s… you,” Clint said, and Bucky’s jaw dropped.

“Me?!” he exclaimed. “Who the hell bet on Steve being in love with me?”

“Names are confidential. Sorry, Buck,” Clint told him.

“Okay…” Bucky took a minute to digest that. “Alright, fine. No way it’s true, but I suppose people’ll believe anything. So, now that I know, I can get in on the bet, right?”

Clint sighed. “Fine. Who’re you going to bet on?”

Bucky thought about it. “I suppose…” he really didn’t know who to bet on. Steve still hadn’t given him any clues. “Who did you bet on?”

“Coulson,” Clint said. “But that’s just a guess really. None of us really know, ‘cept Nat, and she’s not allowed to bet.

“Right. Then…. I’m gonna say Coulson. Steve likes badass, and Coulson’s real nice too.”

“Pepper?” Clint turned and grinned at her. “You’ve got a spotless record with winning these things. Care to try your luck again?”

“Hmmm….” Pepper pulled out a pad of paper, and wrote something down. Then she tore out the paper, folded it, and gave it to Clint. “Here. If I win, every single one of you owes me a drink.”

“Let’s see…” Clint unfolded the paper and looked at the name on it. “Wait, really?” he looked back up at Pepper with wide eyes.

“Let’s just say, I have a hard time seeing him breaking things off with Travis for anyone else.”

“Who is it?” Bucky craned his neck, trying to get a look at the paper, to no avail.

“Nope,” Clint tore it up and shoved the pieces in his pocket. “Individual bettors don’t get to know who bet on who until the whole thing’s over.”

“No fair!” Bucky pouted. “Pepper knows who I bet on!”

“Pepper knows everything that goes on in this tower,” Clint told him. “Knowing her bet gives an unfair advantage. And you’re already Steve’s best friend. No way.”

Nothing convinced Clint to give him Peppers guess after that, and Pepper refused to tell. Even repeated begging did nothing to soften their resolve, until at last Bucky was forced to concede the issue. At last, she sighed and took pity on him.

“Look, I’m not telling you who I think it is. I think you need to figure this one out for yourself. But if you’re still lost in a few days, come talk to me. I’ll point you in the right direction.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, perhaps to ask her what she meant, but was interrupted by Tony bursting into the room.

“Good news everybody! Exploding Kittens arrived!”

“Sweet!” Clint grinned. “That game looks freaking amazing!” All talk of the bet was forgotten as Tony proceeded to gather all the Avengers and assorted others together in the common room to play a game that seemed to involve avoiding drawing the card with a kitten on it. The rest of the day dissolved into chaos, which, well, Bucky hadn’t thought it possible, but the aftermath was worse than Settlers of Catan. The Hulk didn’t make an appearance, thankfully, but Steve had to break up two fights between Bucky and Tony, Natasha had to subdue Clint from actually shooting Thor, and Pepper eventually was forced to end the game before an all-out brawl erupted between the non-super-powered inhabitants of the tower. It was probably the most fun they’d all had in a long time.

Chapter Text

“We should get in with it. You know, just to see.”

“We can’t all go. If Thor gets in, it’ll screw with the results.”

“Ah, right. Okay, why don’t you and I go?”

Bucky rounded the corner to see one of the oddest sights he had yet to encounter in the tower- Steve, Tony, and Thor standing outside the open doors to the elevator watching Thor’s hammer, which was placed dead center inside.

“What’s going on?” He came over and draped an arm over Steve’s shoulders. “Something up with the hammer?”

“We’re trying to see if we put it in the elevator, will it still go up,” Steve told him.

“It should, shouldn’t it? I mean, it’s just a machine, it can’t be worthy or not worthy, right?” Bucky asked.

Steve shrugged. “That’s what we’re trying to find out.”

“Alright, alright, look, let’s just hit the button. FRIDAY?” Tony stepped inside the elevator, and Steve followed.

“Yes, boss?” FRIDAY asked.

“Top floor, please.”

“Right away sir.” The elevator doors slid shut, and Bucky exchanged a glance with a bemused Thor.

“Will it go up?”

Thor watched the doors. “Who can say?”

At that moment, sparks shot out from the elevator shaft and muffled swearing could be heard from somewhere around head level.

“FRIDAY?” Bucky asked, “What happened?”

“The elevator has malfunctioned,” the AI told him. “There is a flaw in my system. Mr. Stark is currently attempting to fix it.”

“Huh.” Bucky frowned at the elevator doors. “So what does that mean for the hammer?”

Thor shrugged. “I know not. It was not the hammer that caused the malfunction, and yet the machine did not go up.”

“So Steve and Tony will be arguing about this until the elevator’s fixed and they can put the hammer in it to see for sure,” Bucky said.

“That seems likely,” Thor agreed. They stood together and watched the sparks coming from the elevator for a few minutes.

“Hey, Thor?” Bucky asked hesitantly.

“Yes?”

“You know the bet Clint has going?” Bucky regretted the words as soon as Thor turned his serious gaze on him, but he pushed forward anyway. “The one about Steve?”

“Ah, the one about who our good captain desires,” Thor nodded, and really, Bucky was still getting used to the way this guy talked.

“Yeah, that.”

“I know the one.” Thor was watching him curiously now.

“Who did you bet on?”

Thor looked surprised. “You, of course. Is it not obvious?”

If it were humanly possible, Bucky’s jaw would have hit the floor. “What?”

“To be truthful, I do not know why the wager exists. You both are clearly happy together, why should he desire someone else?”

Bucky shook his head to clear it. “Um. What?”

Thor tilted his head to the side and examined Bucky’s face. “You do not believe you satisfy our captain?”

“What? No!” Bucky felt his face heating up. Steve and… him? Together? “That is, we’re not- I don’t- Just, no. Steve and me, we’re not like that.”

“You are not participating in sexual congress with Steve, then?”

“Oh god.” Bucky covered his ears. “I did not just hear you say that.”

“My apologies, my friend,” Thor said, looking both confused and contrite. “I had thought that you and Steve were bonded. It was my mistake.”

“No, no, we’re not… uh, ‘bonded’,” Bucky told him, ignoring the odd sense of disappointment that accompanied the words. “We’re just really good friends.”

“I see.” The asgardian said. “Then perhaps I will change my wager. I know our captain is quite fond of Stark, perhaps that is where his affections lie.”

Bucky made a face, but was saved from having to answer by the elevator doors sliding open. Steve stepped out and staggered, not expecting the six-inch gap from the floor of the elevator to the floor of the hall. Bucky caught him almost before he realized it.

“Thanks, Buck,” Steve steadied himself with a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, and then turned to help Tony down from the elevator. “Guess we’re taking the stairs for a while.”

“I’ll have her fix in no time,” Tony assured them. “We can even try again tonight, if you like.”

“Nope,” Bucky shook his head. “No trying the elevator tonight. It’s game night, and I’d like my best friend to be there when we whoop your ass at Pictionary.”

Tony glared at him. “Uh, no. Steve’s not allowed to play Pictionary. He’s too good, normal people like Clint don’t stand a chance.”

Clint, who was just coming out a door further down the hall, turned and gave Tony the finger. Tony responded with a rude suggestion, which evolved into a challenge, which then snowballed into a vicious game of Pictionary in which Natasha and Darcy teamed up and proceeded to trounce everyone.

Bucky went to bed thinking that the Avengers were really far more competitive than was healthy, but once he laid down to sleep he found his mind turning more to his conversation with Thor in front of the elevator. There was one specific image he couldn’t quite get out of his head, no matter how hard he tried. For some reason, all he could think about was him and Steve, together, in bed. With Steve snoring softly on the other side of the room, it felt highly inappropriate, especially since Steve was clearly interested in someone else. But it was also… strangely appealing. Bucky tossed and turned for a long while, trying to clear his mind, before falling into an uneasy sleep.

Chapter Text

He woke up screaming. He’d been back on that train, with Steve’s shield in his hands. But the one who had been blown out the side was Steve. He been standing there, reaching for him, when Steve had slipped from his grasp, falling into the ravine and the waiting arms of the Red Room.

“Bucky. Bucky, look at me.” That was Steve’s voice. But Steve was gone, he fell.

“No, nonononono.” Bucky tried to shove the person off him, but whoever it was held firm. They had his face in both hands, keeping him there. His heart started to race, mind spinning. This wasn’t right. He wasn’t- this place, it wasn’t- no, it didn’t make sense. His breath was coming in choked gasps, tears leaking from his eyes.

“Bucky, Bucky, it’s okay. Just breathe. Okay? It was just a dream. Only a dream, Buck. You’re here. You’re safe. Just breathe with me. In…. And out. In…. And out. Come on, Buck. It’s alright. In…. And out.” The voice was soothing now, less frightened, less urgent. Bucky forced himself to focus. He was safe. It was a dream. Just a dream. That was Steve’s voice calming him, Steve’s hands now wrapped around one of his, pressing it to Steve’s chest. He could feel Steve’s heartbeat under his palm. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. He took a breath, counted four beats, then let it out. Another. Four beats. Let it out. In. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Out. In. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Out. He opened his eyes into Steve’s sky blue gaze. That color. The color of home. Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out. Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out.

Gradually, he became aware of Steve talking. “It’s okay. You’re okay, Buck. You’re safe. You’re safe, you’re here, you’re safe.”

“You fell,” he said, hating how weak he sounded. “Steve, you fell.”

“Hey, shhh,” Steve took one hand from Bucky’s wrist and gently ran a hand through his hair. “It’s alright. I’m here. I didn’t fall. I won’t leave you, never again.”

“Why not?” Bucky asked, needing to know the answer. “Why stay, when I’m… when I’m like this?” His metal hand fisted in Steve’s shirt, even as the other stayed pressed to Steve’s chest- to his heartbeat. Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out.

“Because you’re my best guy, Buck. ‘Till the end of the line, remember? I’m not gonna leave you, not now, not ever.”

“But…” Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out. “I… I tried to kill you.”

Steve shook his head. “No, you didn’t. Hydra did. Pierce did. Never you. Your body was just their tool.”

“But what if… what if I forget again? I could… I could kill you, and not even realize.” Bucky tried to pull away, but Steve held him close.

“I believe in you, Buck. I know you, and I know you won’t let it come to that. You’re strong. Stronger than you know.”

Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out. “I… but why? Why stay with me? I’m not… You, you’re amazing. And I’m just… I’m worthless.” Bucky looked away.

Steve grabbed his face with both hands, forcing him to meet his eyes. What he saw there… he couldn’t understand it. “You’re not worthless, Bucky. Never think that. Never. You-” Steve broke off with a strangled sort of laugh. “You don’t see yourself the way I see you. To me, you’re… There’s nobody worth more to me than you. Nobody, you hear me?”

“Steve….” Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out. Steve meant it. Whatever else he thought, he meant it. He believed in Bucky, even when Bucky couldn’t believe in himself. Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out. Steve was there, with him. He slept every night in Steve’s room so Steve could watch over him, just in case something like this happened. Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out. He was alright. They were both alive, both safe. Together. Steve was with him. He was with Steve. Breathe in. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Breathe out. Nobody was dying. Nobody was leaving. It was alright. It had just been a dream. With effort, feeling Steve’s heart beating steadily under his hand, Bucky began to calm down.

He called Sam once he’d calmed down. Not because he wanted to, but because, as his therapist, Sam had asked him to notify him whenever he had any bad episodes. That afternoon, Sam drove over and sat down with him. Asked him to talk about his feelings. It was the same pointless shit that Bucky had scoffed at back in the ‘30’s, but however much he wanted to mock it now, it helped. Sam was… surprisingly effective as a therapist, and the best part was that, as close as he and Steve were, Bucky could still trust him not to tell Steve some of the darker things that came out during their sessions.

It was towards the end of the session that Sam leaned forward and asked “is there anything else bothering you?”

Bucky hesitated for a moment before making his decision. “I… yeah, actually. Do you know who Steve is in love with?”

“What makes you think I know?” Sam asked. Bucky shrugged.

“Well, you do these sessions with him too, ever since I let slip about his nightmares. I figure, he might’ve said something to you.”

Sam gave him his best disapproving look. It didn’t have anything on Pepper’s, but it was still effective. Bucky looked down.

“You know I can’t tell you what he says when we talk like this.”

“Okay, fine. Then as his friend, who do you think it is?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said. “He doesn’t talk about that with me. Why do you want to know?”

“I…” under Sam’s earnest gaze Bucky’s usual spiel about wanting Steve to be happy felt hollow. Part of the truth, but not the whole truth. “I… thought it was just about making him happy. Getting him something he lost out on last time. But now…”

“Now you’re not sure.”

“… No. I’m not.” He still wanted Steve to be happy, that much was true, but the last few days had gotten him thinking. Thor’s idea of him and Steve was preposterous. Impossible. And yet… not unwelcome. Not unwelcome at all.

Sam settled into his seat, eyes locked on Bucky’s face. “Why aren’t you sure?”

“Because…” Bucky took a deep breath. “Because I can’t tell if I’m jealous of the guy or not.”

Sam didn’t seem surprised. “Jealous because you’d have to share your best friend, or jealous because you want to be the one he loves?”

“I…” Bucky looked away. “I don’t know.”

“I see. Does it bother you when Steve spends time with me or Natasha?” asked Sam. Bucky shook his head.

“No! Not at all, why would it?”

“How about Tony or Thor? Bruce? Clint?” At each name, Bucky shook his head. “We’re his friends too. In fact, before we knew you were still alive Nat and I were as close to best friends as he could get. That doesn’t bother you?”

“No,” Bucky told him. “Actually, I’m glad you were there for him. He needs people around him. I know he doesn’t like to think that, but it’s true. He doesn’t do well on his own.”

“What about Travis? I know you don’t know him, but imagine, if he and Steve started up a relationship again. Would that bother you?”

For a moment, Bucky saw a man coming up to Steve and pulling him down for a passionate kiss. Steve wrapped his arms around the man and reached out to close a door between him and Bucky. Bucky shut his eyes on that image, shaking his head to clear it. Steve deserved somebody in his life.

Sam continued. “And what about Peggy? You knew she and Steve were attracted to each other. Did that make you uncomfortable?”

“Well…” Bucky shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Only, it was ‘cause I didn’t know if she wanted him for him, or because of his new body, you know? I wanted to be sure he was getting somebody who deserved him.”

“Was that the only reason?” Sam asked, and Bucky opened his mouth to answer but stopped. He remembered that burning jealousy inside him, when she’d come into that bar the night Steve had asked him to join his team. He should have been jealous the pretty girl wasn’t even looking at him, but that wasn’t it, not really. It was the look on Steve’s face when he saw her. The way Steve couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Sam nodded, satisfied by his non-answer. His next question seemed to come out of nowhere. “Are you attracted to Steve?”

“You- you mean… like, sexually?” Bucky asked, feeling his face heating up. Sam just watched him. “No, I mean, are you serious? No. He’s my best friend. That’s be…weird.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

“No. Really. I- I’m not… he’s not… we’re not… no.”

“So you didn’t look up how two men have sex on the internet after you found out Steve was bi?” Sam wanted to know.

“NO! Well, yes, but only because I was curious how that worked, you know? I’d never thought about it before.” Sam’s other eyebrow went up. “Okay, fine, I’d thought about it, but strictly in an academic sort of way. Never… participatory.”

“And have you, or have you not, thought about what it would be like with Steve?” Sam asked, and Bucky thought of the first dream he’d had the night before, the one he’d woken up from before his nightmare. Bodies twined together, Steve on top of him, looking up into Steve’s sky-blue eyes…

“I…”

“Bucky. This is a safe space. Nothing you say here will ever leave this room,” Sam reminded him.

Bucky sighed. “I… yeah. Okay. I thought about it. Kind of… a lot.”

“Then,” Sam leaned forward and clasped his hands in front of him, elbows on his knees. “Do you, or do you not, want to be in a physical or romantic relationship with Steve?”

Bucky thought about it. And then he thought about the images that had been playing in his head the past few days, ever since asking Thor about Steve. He couldn’t keep denying it to himself, not anymore.

“I… do. Fuck.” He covered his face with his hands. This was just going to make everything so much more complicated.

When Bucky got back up to the common room, he found Steve and Tony playing Scrabble far more loudly than the game called for. Natasha was curled up on the couch, filming the whole thing from her phone while Clint sat beside her with a bowl of pretzels. Pepper looked up from her laptop and waved as Bucky and Sam came in, before returning to whatever it was she was doing. Sam went over to where Darcy and Jane were chatting about something, joining the conversation while Thor managed to look intrigued and strangely uncomfortable about whatever it was they were discussing. Over in the corner, Bruce was attempting to read a book despite the noise. Bucky looked around for a place to sit.

“Futz isn’t a word! Pepper, Steve’s making up words!” Tony shouted, drawing everyone’s attention back to the game.

“I am not! Futz is a word, tell him Buck!” Steve’s wide blue eyes pleaded for Bucky to back him up. He shrugged and came to stand next to his friend.

“Well, it was when we were kids at any rate. Means ‘to waste time.’” Steve smiled at him, and Bucky’s stomach flipped over. It felt like acknowledging his attraction to Steve had suddenly let loose a torrent of emotions. Or maybe he was just paying attention now to something that had been there all along. Fuck. What had he gotten himself into? And more importantly, how was he going to keep Steve from finding out?

Chapter Text

Steve had learned, long ago, that when Bucky was brooding it was best to leave him alone to get it out of his system. Unfortunately, Tony seemed to have never heard of the words “alone time” or “needing space.” Their resident genius found Bucky perched on top of the tower glaring out at the New York skyline and climbed up onto the ledge with him.

“You know, Cap’ll have a heart attack if he sees you sitting up here,” Tony observed, once he’d gotten comfortable. Bucky shrugged.

“Nah, he knows I won’t fall. I used to sit up on the fire escape in our old apartment, and that thing was rusted all to hell. Never once did I fall, even when the whole railing gave way one night.”

“Right, and that was before you fell from a moving train and were presumed dead. That might have changed things a bit, if the rant he gave me last time he caught me doing something like this means anything. Then he called Pepper, and she yelled at me for ages. Said if I wanted to kill myself, there were better ways. No appreciation for fun, those two.”

Bucky chuckled. He could just see Steve and Pepper ganging up on Tony like that. Tony pouted at him.

“It’s not funny! Pepper’s scary when she’s angry. And they took away my lab access for two days. So unfair.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure you didn’t deserve it at all,” Bucky said, and Tony nodded, ignoring the sarcasm.

“Exactly! I hadn’t done anything wrong! I mean, I know I’d just gotten out of the hospital from the fight with… what’s-it’s-name, the thing we fought a year ago, the one with all the tentacles. But still, I hadn’t been hurt that bad! It was a total over-reaction.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Y’know, last time you said it wasn’t that bad you had internal bleeding and three broken ribs. Bruce had to threaten to sit on you to keep you in bed, if I’m remembering correctly.”

“Meh.” Tony shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Bucky just shook his head. This was an old argument, one he had with both Steve and Tony on a regular basis. Somebody once said that doctors make the worst patients, but Bucky begged to differ. Superheroes make the worst patients- they think anything can be shrugged off or fixed with spit and a band-aid. And at least Steve bounced back from anything short of a bomb being dropped on him in a matter of days. Tony healed like a normal person- something he often liked to forget.

“So,” Tony said after Bucky had been silent long enough for the silence to get uncomfortable. “What’s with the long face?”

“Nothing,” Bucky shrugged. “Nothing at all.”

Tony laughed at him. “Bullshit.”

“Is not!”

“Snowcone, I did bullshit for a living. I’ve literally sold ice to the Eskimos. So when I say something is bullshit? It’s bullshit. What’s up?”

Bucky hesitated. Admitting it out loud, to someone other than his therapist, seemed like a really bad idea. Especially when that person was Tony. And yet… and yet he did want to talk to somebody, and he couldn’t talk to Steve, not about this.

“Come on, I won’t laugh, I promise!” Tony said. He shifted so he was looking directly at Bucky, eyes grave. “Seriously, you’ve been looking like a thundercloud for days now. People are starting to talk. You haven’t had a fight with Steve, have you?”

“What? No!” Bucky flailed, nearly falling off the ledge in his surprise. “No! Nothing like that!”

“Hmm.” Tony’s eyes narrowed. “This isn’t about his sexuality, is it? You’re not going to start being weird about him being bi now, are you?”

“No! No, it’s fine. We talked about it, and it’s all fine. And even if it weren’t, I’d never- I couldn’t- I wouldn’t let on about it. I’m not gonna do that to Steve. He deserves to be happy!”

“Uh-huh.” Tony’s expression didn’t change. “’Cause I’ve just come from a nice long chat with Steve, and he thinks you’ve been avoiding him. And Thor heard and asked if you were upset because, apparently, he told you he thought you and our boy were a couple and you freaked out. Not to mention, I know you’ve been asking everyone who it is that Steve’s in love with. So tell me again how this isn’t you being weird because Steve’s in love with a guy.”

“Steve think I’ve been avoiding him? Shit.” Bucky let his head sink down on to his knees. “Fuck. I never meant that. I just… it’s not about Steve. I swear.”

“So what is it?” Tony demanded angrily, and Bucky wished the ledge was larger so he could put some space between them.

“It’s just… I don’t…” he sighed and tried to bury his face in his knees. “I’m working through some stuff, okay? I… need time to think.”

“That’s not a good reason for why you’re avoiding Steve,” his friend told him. “And if you’re having some sort of crisis over Steve being bi, you and I are going to have a problem.”

“No! That’s not… it isn’t that,” Bucky protested, still curled around his knees.

“Then what is it? ‘Cause I have to say, from where I’m sitting, it looks an awful lot like we’ve got a problem.”

Bucky looked up to see Tony glaring at him, eyes hard. “You and Steve are both my friends, and it’s fair to say I don’t have a lot of those. But if you’re going to go all homophobic on him-”

“No!” Bucky burst out, interrupting him. “It’s not that I’m upset about Steve! It’s that I think I’m like him.”

“What?” Tony blinked, and the anger in his expression melted into confusion.

“I think I’m like him,” Bucky repeated. “I think… I think I’m into guys and dames. And I don’t… I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Well… shit.” Tony relaxed, leaning back against the building. “Can’t say I was expecting that. Huh.”

“See?” Bucky said miserably. “I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“Well…” Tony sighed. “Usually you go out and try it. You know, find a guy you like, take him back to your room, and see how it goes.”

Bucky snorted, curling back up into his ball. “How would you know?”

“You’re not the only guy to ever be confused about his sexuality, you know,” Tony told him.

Bucky’s eyes went wide. “Wait, what?”

Tony laughed at him. “What, you think just because I’m with Pepper I can’t find other guys attractive? I’ve slept with my share of men over the years. Doesn’t mean anything, really. Everybody’s attractive in their own way, which means everybody’s fuckable. Not that I’d do it now. Pepper would probably kill me. Plus, y’know, I’ve kinda got the hang of this “monogamy” thing and don’t wanna break my streak.”

“Wait, so, you’re bi too?” Bucky wanted to know.

Tony shrugged. “Eh, sure. Though if you wanna get technical about it, I suppose the term is pansexual. Guys, girls, people who don’t fit into either box. I like ‘em all.”

“So you… huh. Is there anybody else in the tower who’s queer?” Bucky asked.

Tony hummed. “Well, I can’t say for sure about most of the staff. You can’t tell by looking, you know. But the Avengers? Nah. Well, maybe Sam’s gay. Barton’s pretty sure he’s got a thing for Steve.”

“Do you think he’s the one Steve likes?” Bucky didn’t know how to feel about that. He liked Sam. He did. But… he didn’t like the idea of Sam and Steve. To be honest, he didn’t like the idea of anyone and Steve, unless that person was Bucky.

Tony looked at him, and burst into laughter. It took a few minutes and a near fall from the ledge to get him calmed down enough to notice Bucky’s disapproving frown, which just set him off all over again. At last he got a hold of himself and frowned, looking Bucky in the eyes. “You really don’t see it, do you?” he wanted to know.

“See what?” Bucky asked.

Tony shook his head. “Nope. Pepper made me promise not to say it. You’re gonna have to work this one out on your own, Snowcone.”

“But that’s what everyone keeps saying! And I’m no closer to finding the answer now than I was last week!” Bucky protested. Tony smirked at him.

“Sorry. But hey, it’ll give you something to think about that isn’t worrying about your own sexuality.”

“Fuck you,” Bucky told him, glaring.

“Nope, sorry, that’s Pepper’s job,” Tony said, to which Bucky made a face.

“Gross. That is not what I want to be thinking about.”

“What, my girlfriend having sex? Damn right that’s not what you want to be thinking about. That’s my job.”

Bucky shoved him, gently, so as not to actually push him off the ledge. “Then go fuck your girlfriend, Stark.”

“And leave you alone to brood? What kind of friend do you take me for?” Tony asked in mock offense.

“The asshole kind,” Bucky replied, and steadfastly ignored Tony’s wounded look.

A few minutes passed while Bucky stared out at the city and tried to process the new information. It was all so confusing. Everything had been so much simpler when he could just go out dancing with a different girl every week. When loving Steve was illegal, and anything he tried would have landed him in jail anyway, so it was best not to even think about it, not to let any thought of that enter his head. The problem with now was that he could think about it. He could imagine what it would be like, to walk down the street with Steve, holding his hand. Because it was alright now. He could even ask Steve to marry him, adopt a kid, have the family they both had always dreamed of. And, god, he wanted it. Wanted it so bad it hurt. But Steve was in love with someone else, and god be damned, but Bucky was going to do his best to make Steve happy, because that was what his little punk deserved.

“So, question.” Tony interrupted his thoughts. “Why aren’t you talking about this with Steve?”

“What, you and Pepper?” Bucky asked, playing dumb.

“No. You. And the fact that you think you might be bi. Steve’s been through this whole questioning thing a lot more recently than me. And I think we can both agree that he’s much better at this talking thing than I am.”

“Because…” Bucky sighed. “Because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him.”

“So that’s why you want to know who he’s in love with,” Tony stated. A fact, not a question.

“Yes and no,” Bucky told him. “I mean, that’s part of it, but mostly I just want him to be happy. And I’ll do whatever I can to make sure of that.”

“You ever think that maybe he wants the same for you?” Tony was watching him with those wide, dark eyes that reminded Bucky so much of Howard. “’Cause I’m pretty sure he’d do just about anything you asked for.”

Bucky shook his head. “Nah, that’s different. That’s just Steve being Steve. He’d do the same for any of you. He never puts himself first. Always jumping on live grenades or running into enemy fire to save somebody else. It’s enough to drive a guy bananas.”

Tony considered his words then shrugged. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean something special when it’s you, though,” he said.

“No, I’m nothing special,” Bucky told him. “Steve’s just like that. If you’re somebody he trusts, he’ll go to hell and back for you.”

“Huh.” Tony shifted, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I guess. But, y’know… you’re the only one he ever smiles for.”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed sadly. “I know. We’ve gotta do something about that.”

“Well,” Tony caught his eyes and frowned at him. “The first thing you’re gonna do is stop avoiding him. Because, I gotta say, he looked like somebody kicked his puppy when he couldn’t find you this morning. And I don’t know how much more of that I can take before I have to do something drastic. And then Pepper will get mad, and she’ll kick us all out of the tower, and we’ll have to go live with Sam in his apartment, and trust me, you don’t want to see all of us living together in a small space. Just ask Barton what happened when we all had to lay low at his place.”

“I heard,” Bucky laughed. “He says his wife still has firewood from that pissing match you and Steve got into.”

“So you’ll talk to Steve?” Tony asked, and Bucky nodded.

“Yeah, I will.”

Tony made a satisfied sound. “Good, because the next step was sending Bruce out here to talk to you. And if that didn’t work, I was gonna call Pepper.”

When they got downstairs, everyone else was gathered around the card table and Steve was frowning at his hand. “This is a horrible game,” he said, and Bucky went to look over his shoulder to see what it was. The white cards he was holding all had saying on them like “exploding pigeons,” “tasteful side-boob,” and “poor life choices.” On the table there was a black card which read “What’s the next Happy Meal toy?” Two white cards were already down, one Bucky lifted to see “catapults” and the other with “bees?” on it.

“Hey, who started Cards Against Humanity without me?” Tony whined, pulling up a chair. “Come on, deal me in!” he demanded. Natasha shrugged and picked up the deck of white cards, pulling five out at random to give Tony.

“James?” she asked holding up the cards. Bucky shook his head.

“Nah, I think I’ll just watch this round. What is this game anyway?”

“It’s called “Cards Against Humanity,”” Steve explained. “From what I can tell, it consists of trying to construct the most offensive saying possible.

“Only if you play it that way,” Natasha said with a smirk. “It could just be the funniest. Or the oddest. Or the one that makes the most sense, though that one is probably the least fun.”

“Right, so you have to choose one of these to go with… what’s a Happy Meal toy?”

“It’s a toy that comes in a kid’s meal at McDondalds. Catch up to the 21st century already, will you?” Tony explained, rolling his eyes. Bucky gave him the finger.

“Boys, play nice,” Natasha warned, while Bruce just shook his head.

“Right, then…” Bucky leaned on Steve’s shoulders and plucked the card with “exploding pigeons” on it. “If we’re being offensive… this one?”

Steve smiled at him, and his heart sped up. By now he had practice keeping it from his face, though, so all that Steve saw was his usual grin. “Sure, Buck. Why not?”

Things went downhill from there.

“Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s___” was the first card Steve won, when he used “a can of whoop-ass.” Without Bucky’s help, he wouldn’t have won many others, out of reluctance to be quite so rude or shocking with his choices. It was Bucky that put “Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-up Board Game” for “How I lost my virginity,” and “republicans” for “what’s making things awkward in the sauna.” Leaning over Steve’s shoulder, helping him pick his cards, it felt almost like old times. For once, Bucky could forget he was in love with his best friend and just relax and enjoy the moment. They fumed together over some of the WWII references that came up, and it was Bucky’s turn to calm Steve down when “Auschwitz” was used as a punchline (though privately, he thought the joke in very poor taste, and half believed Tony had just used that card to provoke them.) Steve made silly comments that only Bucky was close enough to hear about some of the cards, and laughed when Bucky made some of his own in return. And whenever they won, Steve would turn to Bucky and give him that smile, and Bucky would remember just how lucky he was to have Steve in his life in any capacity at all. If things could keep on like this, he thought, then maybe just being able to see Steve smile would be enough. It would have to be.

Chapter Text

Coming out of Fury’s office, Bucky gave Steve a grin and a thumbs up. Fury was an asshole, but surprisingly less of one than Phillips had been, which was saying a lot.

“You got clearance?” Steve asked, looking relieved. Bucky knew he’d been worried when Fury called them in to review his status as an Avenger. He’d been worried too. But it seemed like they shouldn’t have been. The interview had been brief, followed by a skills assessment that Bucky could have passed blindfolded, and then Fury had brought him up to his office in the Hub and granted him his clearance level.

“Level 5 for now, but I’ll be up for review again in a few months and he might bump me up a bit.” He flashed his shiny new SHIELD badge with a smirk. “Just call me Agent Barnes.”

“Well then, Agent Barnes,” Steve said, draping an arm across his shoulders and steering him down the hall. “We’ve got one more stop to make while we’re here.” Bucky relaxed into the touch, letting Steve lead him where he would. He could remember a time when it would be Steve slotted in under his arm, but now Steve was the taller of the two, and Bucky fit against him perfectly. Under Steve’s arm, he felt safe and whole. It was a good feeling, even if he felt a pang every time he remembered that he would never get anything more than friendship from Steve. Still, it was enough. It had to be.

They went down several floors and through a few hallways before Steve abruptly stopped beside a closed door. Bucky missed the warmth of his arm as he withdrew it to open the door. He gave two quick knocks, and the door opened onto… an empty room.

“What’re we doing here?” Bucky asked, feeling around for the light-switch. Steve just grinned at him- a grin that widened as he hit the switch, illuminating a giant banner on the wall in bright, colorful letters that spelled “Congratulations Bucky!!” on it. “Wha-?” Bucky’s confused question was broken off when, from behind every conceivable hiding place, the Avengers and assorted companions jumped out and yelled “Congratulations!”

“We knew you’d do it, Buck,” Steve said in response to his dumbstruck expression. “Congrats, pal.”

Blinking a little- no, those weren’t tears, he just had something in his eye- Bucky accepted the congratulations of his friends for finally being made an official part of the team. It was honestly a little overwhelming, but he did his best not to show it. Part of him couldn’t understand how they all had so much faith in him. But Bruce had baked a cake, and Clint had brought pizza, Tony declared that the banner was his idea, while Natasha just smirked and handed him a gift (it turned out to be a full set of throwing knives, and they were absolutely beautiful.) It looked like everyone had made or brought something for the party. Somehow, despite all he’d done, every one of the people he called friend had believed in him. Believed in him enough to put together a whole party on the chance Fury would make him an Avenger.

Eventually, he found himself leaning against the wall next to Director Coulson, watching as Tony dragged the rest of the team over to play, of all things, The Avengers Mighty Battle Game. He’d given it to Bucky as a gift for becoming part of the team, but Bucky half thought he’d actually gotten it because he wanted to play it himself. Clint was loudly lamenting how his little figurine didn’t look a thing like him, while Natasha set up the board and Tony and Rhody played rock-paper-scissors to see who got to play as Iron Man.

“Y’know,” Coulson observed, “Fury had a hell of a time when that game came out. First they only wanted to include Cap, Iron Man, Hulk, and Thor. Then, when Fury wouldn’t lease them the rights to make the game unless it included everyone, they tried to weasel out of it by saying the rules only called for four ‘Avengers.’ PR actually handled most of the interaction, but I hear it was a nightmare.”

“One of many, or so I hear,” Bucky said, chuckling as Steve accidentally flicked the shield from his figurine and it sailed across the room. “Though from what Steve tells me, PR’s worst board-game related nightmare came from Settlers of Catan. Something about the Hulk showing up because Tony kept stealing all his sheep?”

Coulson laughed at the memory. “Yeah. I was out on assignment that week, but I hear it caused quite a stir. They had to call a press conference just so people wouldn’t think something had attacked the tower. I’ve seen the footage, and Dr. Banner was beet red through the whole thing. Some people still don’t believe it, but then, they’ve never played a game against the Avengers.”

Bucky snorted. “Yeah. I don’t think most normal people would last five minutes against Tony or Clint. And Natasha’s just ruthless when she wants to win. Hell, even Steve gets worked up sometimes. You should’a seen him when we played Cards Against Humanity last week.”

“You know, you all should come up to the Playground sometime, meet my team. We could play a couple rounds of poker or something,” Coulson offered.

“Steve would like that,” Bucky said. “But not poker, he’s lousy at it. The last time he played was back in, oh… ‘44. He lost. Big time.”

“How much did he lose?” the agent wanted to know. Bucky just shook his head.

“We weren’t betting cash. See, we were trapped up in the mountains during a blizzard, snowed in, and the guys were going a little stir-crazy. So I suggest a game or two, just to get everyone calmed down. We started by betting rations, then ammo, and eventually our weapons. Dernier won Dum Dum’s gun. Dum Dum was so mad.” Bucky laughed. “But then, Steve was losing, and the guys were just egging him on, telling him if he just played one more round, he’d win big. So what does that punk do, but bet the damn shield?”

“He bet the shield?” Coulson asked, eyes wide.

“Yep,” Bucky laughed again. “Just slammed the damn thing on the table and told Falsworth to deal. He even did pretty good for a bit. Eventually it came down to just him and me. He had a good hand. Mine was better.”

“Wait, wait, so you won Cap’s shield?” the agent looked from Bucky, to Steve, to where Steve had left the shield leaning against the door.

“Yep,” Bucky told him. “So any changes Tony wants to make to the thing, they have to go through me.”

“Huh,” Coulson was speechless. “That’s… huh. Remind me never to play poker against you.”

“Just don’t bet anything you ain’t prepared to lose,” Bucky said. “Steve hates when I bring it up. Thinks it’ll hurt his image as the all-American hero, if people knew he lost the shield at poker or something.”

“Speaking of Steve, I’ve got to ask,” Coulson said, looking slightly nervous. “There were a lot of rumors about you two. Somebody even did a sort of study on you back in the 80’s. And, well, we all know that Steve has been dating a man, so at least half of those rumors proved to be true. But, ah…” he trailed off, but Bucky had heard enough to understand what he was asking.

“You want to know if we were together?” Bucky asked, and Coulson nodded. Bucky sighed. “No. No we weren’t. Not like that. I didn’t even know about Steve. Not that it would have made a difference, but there you go. We’re just good friends.”

“I see. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” The agent was looking at Bucky strangely then, and Bucky really didn’t want to think about what that expression meant. He hoped to god he wasn’t as obvious as he felt with his attraction to Steve.

“No, it’s okay. I understand you wanting to know. But, hey, seeing as you’re so well versed in rumors about our Steve, anything cross your radar about who he’s into now?” Belatedly, Bucky remembered that Coulson’s name was on the list of possibilities, but then threw the idea out. Coulson was nice, and Steve liked him a lot, but there wasn’t that sort of attraction between them.

“Can’t say it has,” Coulson said. “Though I suspect you would hear about it before I did. I’m rather busy, these days.” He looked sad, and Bucky felt like a cad for reminding him how isolated he’s had to be since SHIELD fell.

“Well, it was worth a shot. Nobody else knows either. Or at least, nobody’s saying. It’s frustrating.” Bucky glared at the floor. “It’s like I don’t live in a tower filled with highly trained super spies.”

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Steve wandered over, having extracted himself from the game while Tony and Natasha argued about the rules.

“Not much,” Bucky lied, hoping he hadn’t heard that last bit of conversation. “Just telling Director Coulson here about that time you lost the shield at poker.”

“Buck!” Steve exclaimed, just as Tony said loudly “He lost the shield?” which, of course, necessitated a re-telling of the whole story to the rest of the party, and then evolved into an argument over who owned the shield now. Tony claimed that Bucky had forfeited it when he’d been declared dead. (His will, as confirmed by Steve, had left everything to his best friend.) Bucky argued that, since he’d never actually been dead, the shield still belonged to him. Sides were chosen, battle lines drawn, and the whole thing was decided by a massive game of paintball in the HQ basement. Bucky’s team won, but then, he hadn’t expected any different once Clint and Natasha joined his side. The party ended with everyone covered in paint, but Bucky had a feeling Tony wasn’t ready to let the argument die. In fact, he had a feeling both he and Steve were never going to be allowed to forget it, ever again. Which, since he’d never planned on letting Steve forget it anyway, wasn’t too bad of a thing.

Chapter Text

A few days later the Avengers played Risk, which turned out to be another horrible idea. Bucky was preoccupied with his own thoughts and quickly eliminated, but sat back to watch as Steve soundly beat everyone. Tony was trying so hard, but it was pretty clear from halfway through the game that Steve was going to win- it was just a matter of time. Bucky counted themselves lucky that Pepper was back from her latest business trip, or else the fallout might have gotten bad when Tony finally lost.

Speaking of the lady, she stretched and stood, wandering into the kitchen to go fix herself a drink. When she returned she took the seat next to Bucky on the couch, which offered an excellent view of the game. The two sat in silence for a while, until Natasha conceded her loss and moved away from the board, leaving Tony and Steve staring each other down over their pieces.

“So… how much you want to bet we’ll have to break up a fistfight before the night’s over?” Bucky asked. He loved Steve, and Tony was probably his best friend after Steve, but there was no way he saw this ending well. Not with the way Tony was frowning at the dice.

“I hope it won’t come to that,” Pepper said, but she didn’t sound sure. “Sometimes I think we should just stay away from board games all together, the way these things usually seem to end up.” They both winced as Steve took full control over North America and Tony glared, uttered a short curse, and began fortifying his territories in Asia.

“Let’s just hope Tony doesn’t lock himself in the lab again when he loses. Nobody ever wins in strategy games against Steve,” Bucky observed. “For such a crap poker player, he’s damned good when it comes to things like Risk. I’d say it was the serum, but he was always like that.”

“Always?” Pepper asked, and Bucky nodded.

“Yeah. I mean, he’d get into fights where he was way outnumbered and get beat to hell, but he always found a way to come out on top. Usually that meant me coming in to pull him out of the fire, but he had an uncanny ability to pick his battles. Used to just let the bigger opponents beat on him until they got tired, then come back with a mean right hook and knock ‘em down. Or wait until I came charging in and the bullies ran screaming back to mama.” Bucky smiled and shook his head, remembering some of those fights. “We were always getting into trouble on account of Steve, but he always got us out of it too. There were times I just wanted to shake him, but even then I could never stay mad at him for long.”

“That sounds a bit like Tony. Always getting himself into problems and then fast-talking his way out of it. Even when he’s positively infuriating, it’s impossible not to love him,” Pepper said.

Bucky grinned. “Well, to each his - or her - own, I suppose. I don’t know how you do it.”

His companion smiled back and shrugged. “He’s just… Tony. He wouldn’t be the same without all the aggravating quirks.”

“I suppose not,” Bucky agreed. “Though if he messes with my arm one more time I won’t be responsible for my actions.” It was an empty threat, and Pepper knew it.

“I’ll try and tell him that, but you know how he is. Once he gets an idea-”

“He won’t let it go until it’s finished or it blows up in his face. I know.”

Across the room, Steve was watching the board in intense concentration, back stiff as if he were standing at attention. The lines of his shoulders pulled his shirt tight, and Bucky could see his muscles from where he sat. Lately, he’d been having daydreams about those strong arms wrapping around him, pulling him against Steve’s chest. It was all the worse when Steve sat beside him, a friendly arm draped across his shoulders. He’d thought maybe his attraction would recede in time, or at least he would become used to it. But no such luck. Every day it was the same- the same joy when he was with Steve, the same butterflies in his stomach from Steve’s smile, the same pain when he remembered that Steve was in love with somebody else.

Pepper seemed to follow his train of thought, and watched him sadly. “Still haven’t figured it out yet, huh?” she asked.

“What?” Bucky tried to act oblivious, but he could tell it wasn’t working.

“Who Steve loves,” Pepper said, confirming his thoughts. He sighed.

“No, no I haven’t. I… to be honest, I can’t even figure out who it might be.” Bucky ran a hand through his hair and frowned at his knees. “He doesn’t look at anyone. There’s no longing stares like he gave Peggy, he doesn’t talk about anyone, hell, he doesn’t even look like he’s pining for anyone most of the time. But then I catch him when he doesn’t think anyone is watching, and he looks so sad, like those first few weeks after I came back, when half the time I still didn’t remember who I was.” In a smaller voice he added “and I hate it, because I want him to be happy. Even if it’s not with me. He deserves that much.”

Pepper looked back over to where Steve and Tony were beginning to argue over somebody’s move- Tony with increasing volume, Steve in that controlled and even “captain” tone he took on when facing down an opponent. He wasn’t really angry yet, but Bucky could tell from the way he held himself that it was only a few steps to cross that line. He didn’t think Tony was really angry yet either, but rather instigating to get a reaction out of the usually placid Steve. They counted each other as good friends, but they were always ending up in situations like this, just this side of a really big fight. It took a lot to push Steve’s buttons, Bucky knew, but somehow Tony was able to push all of them.

“He does,” Pepper agreed, confusing Bucky for a moment before he remembered the last thing he’d said. After a moment, where they both tensed when Tony let out a particularly frustrated yell, she continued. “You know, for a long time, we all thought he was fine? Before you came back, I could count on one hand the amount of times any of us had seen him smile. We thought… well, I guess we thought that was just how he was. It didn’t occur to us that he was hurting so much, until you came back and he started laughing again. He always made it seem like nothing was wrong. I don’t think he even let Travis see how much pain he was in. Maybe Tony and Natasha were starting to figure it out, but I think the only one who realized it was Sam. And then, after DC, Sam did everything he could to help get you back because he knew it was the only thing that would make Steve happy again.”

“Yeah…” Bucky didn’t like to think about that. About those long months where all he knew was that his name was Bucky and Steve was his, and he ran and hid because he couldn’t let Steve find him until he’d put himself back together again. About how much not being able to find him had hurt Steve. “He doesn’t like to need help. That’s why I need to figure out who it is he wants, because he won’t ever just up and ask me for help, for this or for anything.” He was watching Steve arguing with Tony, and missed the frustrated look Pepper gave him.

“Then you should think about who is most important to him. Out of everyone, who is the one person he would drop everything for, even in the middle of a mission? Who makes him laugh, or smile? Who is he most happy to be with?” she asked. Bucky considered her words and shook his head.

“I don’t know. I mean, that could be anyone on the team.”

This time, Pepper sighed. “But, of all of us, who does he need the most?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky repeated, frustrated. “I don’t suppose you could just tell me?”

“No,” Pepper said, but her eyes were sad. “It’s not my secret to give away. But,” she said, when he slumped in defeat, “maybe you should go talk to Travis. His ex. He might be able to point you in the right direction.”

Bucky thought about it. Travis was the only person involved in this that he hadn’t yet met, and surely Steve would have told him the reason for breaking things off with him. Maybe talking to him was the right way to go, especially now that enough time had passed and the sting of the breakup must have eased at least a little.

“Yeah. Okay. Maybe I will,” he decided. At the same moment, Tony yelled, tossing one of his pieces at Steve, and Bucky and Pepper both jumped up to intervene. The premise of the argument between Steve and Tony wasn’t very clear, but Bucky heard enough to make out that Tony had tried to use some dirty tricks that Steve had countered, and somehow the whole thing turned into a fight about what was the better strategy in a real world-wide war. In the end, Bucky had to drag Steve down to the gym to work off some of his anger, while Pepper walked Tony back to their rooms for a private discussion. In all the chaos, Bucky didn’t have time to think about his and Pepper’s talk but it came back to him again that night as he lay, sleepless, in bed, listening to Steve’s snores from across the room. Tomorrow, he decided, he would go talk to Steve’s ex boyfriend.

Chapter Text

It took Bucky two weeks to follow Pepper’s advice and go talk to Steve’s ex. It might have taken him even longer, had it not been for a mission gone wrong that landed him in the medical wing of the Avenger’s tower. It had been a fairly routine mission, chasing the villain of the week down through Central Park, at least until a bolt of lightning came down from the sky, throwing Bucky and Clint away from the others and separating them with a wall of fire. He’d gotten to his feet, looking around for the enemy, when he’d heard Steve scream. Without a second thought, Bucky dove through the fire, rolling upright and into a fighter’s crouch, ready to kill anyone who was hurting Steve. What he found was robots. Lots and lots of robots. With guns. And some of them were going straight for Steve. He didn’t even think, he just reacted, putting his own body between the gun and Steve. He didn’t feel it go off against his armor, too busy destroying the robot to notice.

The next few minutes were a blur of motion, breaking apart the robots and protecting his friends. When it was over, the ground was littered with robot parts and the villain -a mad scientist- was captured and turned over to SHIELD agents for incarceration. Bucky leaned against Steve, relieved he was unharmed.

“Well,” he said, when they had all had a chance to catch their breath, “at least nobody got hurt this time.”

“Ah, you might want to rethink that, Buck,” Clint told him, with a significant look at Bucky’s armor. Bucky put a hand to his side. It came away red. That was Steve’s cue to all but shove him into the jet, where he was escorted back to the tower for medical attention while the rest of the team took care of the mopping-up and requisite press conference.

They stuck him in a five-by-five room on the medical wing and told him to wait for a doctor once they determined he wasn’t about to bleed out on them. With his usual doctor out on leave, he had to see whoever was around. That meant that, about five minutes later, a young man he had never seen before knocked on the door and then walked into the room. He grinned at Bucky before glancing down at the tablet in his hands.

“Sergeant Barnes. Good to meet you. I’m Dr. Jones, and I’ll be taking care of you today.” The man’s smile was blinding, but Bucky’s eyes were drawn to the Superman scrubs he was wearing under the white lab coat. Most of the doctors in the tower wore suits or plain scrubs, but this on didn’t seem to have gotten the dress code memo.

The doctor noted the direction of Bucky’s gaze and laughed. “I know, less than professional, but I spilled coffee on my only other clean pair. Laundry day, y’know? And my sister got me these as a joke for Christmas.”

“So… not a Superman fan, then?” Bucky asked.

“No, actually, I am. That’s why she got them for me- made her think of me, she said,” the doctor told him, coming closer. “Let me see that. Bullet wound, yeah?” He moved Bucky’s hand and the makeshift bandage Steve had rigged up before sending him off to medical and looked at the wound, ignoring Bucky’s hiss of pain when he prodded it.

“Killer robots built by a genius madman. You know, the usual.” Bucky clenched his jaw as whatever the doctor was doing made his side hurt more.

“Yikes.” Dr. Jones wrinkled his nose and frowned at the wound. “Nasty looking bullet in here. Were you the only one hurt?”

“Yep.” Bucky nodded. “It was trying to shoot Steve, but I got in the way.”

“Steve’s alright?” the doctor asked, hands tightening on the door to a cabinet full of sharp-looking items Bucky knew from experience were for pulling out bullets and other projectiles.

“Yes,” Bucky told him, and was confused by the obvious relief on the doctor’s face. “It wasn’t that bad of a fight.”

“Good. That’s… good.” Dr. Jones didn’t offer any explanation, and Bucky decided not to ask until the bullet was out of his side. When the doctor had filled up a tray with several types of tools, along with gauze and thread, he turned back to Bucky made him lie down on the table. “I’m gonna remove this, then stitch up the wound. Don’t move too much, okay?”

“Sure.” Bucky knew the drill.

“So,” the doctor said, once he got started. “You a superman fan?” Bucky decided he was probably trying to distract him from the pain. It wasn’t necessary, but it was appreciated. Normally Steve would be there with him, keeping his mind off things, but there was a good chance the evil genius they’d captured had had a sidekick, or more surprises at his lair, and Steve was needed there.

“Yep. Been one since 1938, when the first issue came out. Steve and I had first editions of all the comics up until 1942, but they were lost somewhere between Steve going in the ice and being de-iced by SHIELD. It’s a shame, I hear they would have been worth something now.”

“More than something. I’ve got a collection passed down from my grandfather, and I could sell just one for thousands of dollars. Not that I’d sell them. The new comics just don’t quite measure up.”

“I know, right?” Bucky fought to keep himself from turning around to look at the doctor as they talked. It was so nice to find someone who liked his favorite fictional superhero as much as he did. Most people said that superhero comics were silly in a world where all you had to do was turn on the news to get a superhero story, but Bucky had always liked them, even before there were real superheroes in his world. They got into a discussion comparing several different comic arcs, and before he knew it his wound was all sewn up and covered in soft white gauze.

“So,” the doctor said, once he’d finished bandaging Bucky’s injury, “any other wounds the nurses didn’t mention to me?”

“Only my pride,” Bucky said with a grin. “I’d managed to make it a month without any big wounds. Would have beat Steve’s record.”

“Well,” Dr. Jones said, “I don’t know if this little thing counts as a big wound. After all, it’s just a flesh wound…. No?” He frowned when Bucky didn’t laugh at what was obviously a reference to something. “Monty Python and the Holy Grail?”

Bucky shook his head in bewilderment, and the doctor shrugged. “Ah well. You should see it. It’s a classic. Steve and I used to watch it- he loves the Knights Who Say Ni. We even went to go see the musical two years ago.”

“You-” Bucky paused, and something clicked in his mind. “Your name wouldn’t happen to be Travis, would it?” He looked the man over as he asked, noting deep green eyes, short black hair, and overall perfectly decent looks. The one standout  that pushed him over the edge of average and into good-looking was his smile, but Steve had already told him that his ex had had a truly excellent smile.

“I didn’t say that already?” Dr. Jones -Travis- said. “Ah well. Yes. Travis Jones, that’s me.”

“Steve’s, ah…”

“Ex-boyfriend?” Travis asked, when Bucky couldn’t decide how to continue the question.

“Yes. That,” Bucky nodded.

“Yes, that would be me as well.” He stepped back, looking rather awkward. Bucky didn’t really understand why, but he supposed meeting the best friend of your ex might be somewhat difficult.

“Ah.” And now Bucky was the one feeling awkward. “Then, um, good to meet you. Steve’s told me a lot about you.”

“He has?” Travis asked, surprised. “Well, ah, I hope at least some of it was good.” The last was said with a self-deprecating grin that let Bucky know he was mostly joking.

“Eh. Some of it,” he said, then smiled. “Actually, all of it was. The more he tells me, the harder it is for me to believe you two aren’t still together.”

The doctor blinked then sighed. “Yeah. We had something good, but, you know how it goes. He’s a great guy, and deserves every happiness in the world. I’m not gonna be mad at him for breaking things off, not when things turned out the way they did.”

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked, and Travis shrugged.

“Well, he has you, doesn’t he?”

Bucky frowned at him, confused. “Well, yeah…”

Travis didn’t seem to catch on to his confusion, instead nodding and turning his back to Bucky as he began cleaning up his tools. “I’ve never seen him happier than when he’s with you,” he said, and though the words were tinged with sadness, there was genuine fondness in his voice as he spoke of Steve. “He missed you a lot, you know.”

“I know.” Bucky looked down at his hands, and covered the metal one with the other. “I wish I could say the same.”

“Talking about you was what got him out of his shell, you know. When we thawed him out, I mean,” the doctor told him. “At first, he wouldn’t talk much to anybody. Monosyllables, the least possible amount of words he could use without being rude. And then I’d been reading a biography on the two of you. I had a question, so one day while I was doing his physical, I asked it. He started talking and just… didn’t stop. It was the most anybody had been able to get out of him, so I just kept asking questions. Eventually he would start to talk more about other things too, and then initiate conversations. It took about a year, but we got him mostly adjusted to the 21st century.”

“Huh.” Bucky didn’t know what to make of that. Hearing that talking about him was what brought Steve back made him feel all warm inside, even as he wanted to hit something because Steve shouldn’t have had to go through that at all. “So… you really don’t have any hard feelings about him breaking up with you?”

The doctor turned to look at him then, and Bucky didn’t really understand the knowing smile on his face. “No. He’ll always be my ‘almost’, but in the end we weren’t the perfect fit. He’s got someone else, and I think I do too, though three dates is a bit too soon to tell. Steve and I, we’re still friends. He’s not the kind of guy to let the end of a romance be the end of a friendship, and I guess I’m not either. So,” his eyes took on a more serious cast as he watched Bucky, “I hope I don’t have to tell you that if someone breaks his heart, I know about twelve different ways to kill someone that will look perfectly natural.”

“I- ah. That’s good to know.” Even though the threat wasn’t meant for him, it was still terrifying. Bucky hoped, for the sake of whoever it was Steve was in love with, Steve’s next relationship would turn out much better. “So, ah… I take it that means you know who he’s in love with, then?” Bucky asked, hoping he’d finally caught a break and Travis would tell him who it was.

“Well, yeah, I mean-” the doctor froze, and inspected Bucky’s face. “You don’t know, do you?” When Bucky just kept looking at him, he shook his head. “You really don’t know. Dammit, Steve.”

“He thinks telling anyone will jinx it,” Bucky said, when Travis didn’t seem inclined to say anything else. “I’ve been trying to work it out, to help him out, but… nobody else will tell me either.”

“To help…” Travis studied Bucky with an intense gaze. “Oh boy.” He rubbed his hands across his face. Under his breath, almost as if he didn’t realize he was saying it, Bucky heard him whisper “Steve, you idiot.” Then he sighed. “Of course this wouldn’t be easy. Why should it be? Nothing else with Steve ever is.” He turned back to Bucky and sighed again. “Look, Bucky, I can’t tell you.”

“What?!” Bucky protested, and the doctor held up a hand to quiet him.

“I can’t tell you, because I think Steve ought to do it himself. You need to talk to him about this.”

“I have,” Bucky said, trying not to whine. “And it never got anywhere.”

“Try again,” Travis insisted. “That’s all I can tell you. Try again.”

“But why?” Bucky asked him. “Why can’t you just tell me?”

“Trust me,” the doctor told him, and that was all he would say on the matter. Repeated questioning did him no good, and Travis proved adept at the art of redirecting the conversation until they were talking Superman again. They had almost agreed to meet up after Travis got an emergency call. Bucky followed him, heart in his throat, as he raced down the hall to where someone on a gurney was being brought off the jet. Too many people were around, and Bucky couldn’t see who it was. He was just shunted off to the side as the medical team sprung into action like a kicked beehive. It was only two minutes later, when he saw Steve walk off the jet, still in his gear, that Bucky could breathe again.

“Who?” he asked, going to Steve’s side and looking him over for injuries.

“Nat,” Steve said. “Shoved Clint out of the way when he accidentally set off a trap. She’ll be fine,” he reassured Bucky without waiting for him to ask. “It’s nasty, but she’s had worse.” Despite his hopeful words, Steve still looked worried. Bucky sat beside him through the rest of the afternoon and into the night while they waited for Natasha to wake up. It was a vigil they’d all kept for each other, more often than anyone cared to admit. The other Avengers joined them as they trickled in from debriefings, forming a circle in the hallway outside Natasha’s room. At some point Steve went to change out of his uniform and came back with a pack of cards. They moved into the room and played poker for bags of vending-machine chips, but the game lacked it’s usual volume, and it couldn’t even get close to the usual level of competition, not when everyone kept looking towards the bed where Natasha was still unconscious. Any thoughts Bucky had about Steve’s love life were pushed to the side, consumed by his worry for his friend. It was going to be a long night.

Chapter Text

After the first day, the Avengers took turns sitting in Natasha’s room, waiting for her to wake up. The doctors assured them that she would be fine, it was just taking her some time to recover. She would wake up when she was ready, and not before. And that was why Bucky was currently taking his turn in the seat next to her bed, watching Steve in the chair next to him as his friend sketched a portrait of Natasha. He fought back a yawn and saw Steve do the same, scrubbing at his eyes before looking back to the sketchbook in his hands.

“You should go back to our room. Get some rest,” Bucky suggested, knowing full well that Steve wouldn’t do it. From the other side of the bed, Sam laughed.

“He’ll do that when pigs fly,” Falcon said. “But I don’t have to tell you that.” The two shared a knowing look. Taking care of Steve was hard work- something anyone close to him soon figured out.

“Well, I’m sure I could convince Stark to find a way to make a pig fly,” Bucky offered, and Steve made a face.

“Will you two quit it? I’m fine. It’s Nat we need to be worried about.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “The docs told us, she’s alright. It’s just taking a while for the poison to work it’s way out of her system. She should wake up any time now.”

“Yeah, and they said that last night,” Steve pointed out. “It’s almost evening now.”

“And you’ve been here since they brought her in,” Bucky countered. “You made me go back and get some sleep, but you haven’t had any yourself. And I know you can’t go forever on no sleep. Or do you not remember that time in Austria, where you stopped sleeping and passed out in the middle of a call with Phillips?”

“That was one time,” Steve protested. “One time, and I’d been awake for a week, but only because we were stuck in one of Hydra’s secret dungeons for most of it.”

Bucky sighed. “Right. Blame the dungeon. Never mind that there were four of us, and I could have kept watch even if you didn’t trust the others. You sure seemed fine giving me time to sleep.”

“Buck-”

“No. No excuses. You’re tired. You haven’t slept since the day before yesterday, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how poorly you’ve been sleeping recently,” Bucky admonished, pointing a finger for emphasis. The effect was rather ruined by the ringing of Sam’s phone.

“Okay,” Sam said, when he’d hung up his phone. “That was Tony. Looks like there’s been a security breach over at one of the old labs. Nothing major, he just wants one of us to go look into it. And since I’m the only one not currently low on sleep,” -this was said with a significant look at both Steve and Bucky- “I’m going. I expect to see both of you back upstairs and asleep by the time I get back.” With that, he turned and left Steve frowning at Bucky in confusion.

“What did he mean, he’s the only one not low on sleep?”

Bucky shrugged. “It’s just, we had a therapy session this morning, and I told him I hadn’t been sleeping well.” He was not going to admit that he was avoiding sleep because he didn’t want to have any more of those dreams, either the ones where he was with Steve, or the ones where Steve was in love with someone else. It had become a problem recently, and he didn’t quite know how to deal with it. And it really didn’t help that Sam’s suggestion had been ‘talk to Steve’.

“You’re not sleeping well?” Steve asked, concerned.

“It’s nothing,” Bucky told him. “Really.”

“Buck.” Steve closed his sketchbook and leaned forward. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Just had some weird dreams, is all,” he said. “It’s nothing to worry about. I probably just need to stop watching bad tv before bed or something. I’m more worried about why you haven’t been sleeping. I keep waking up and seeing your bed empty.”

Steve looked down, playing with his pencil. “I… just had some weird dreams too. Sometimes it helps to get up and take a walk or something before going back to bed.” Bucky’s eyes narrowed. He knew what Steve bullshitting looked like, and this was it.

“Uh-huh. And I’m the queen of Sheba. Come on, Stevie, tell. It’s boy problems, ain’t it?” The minute he said it, Bucky knew he had hit the nail on the head, even if he had meant it as a joke. Steve’s slight flinch told him all he needed to know. “This is about whoever he is, the guy you like that you won’t tell me about.” That came out sounding more hurt than he’d intended, but it was too late to take it back.

“It’s not like that, Buck,” Steve said, but he wouldn’t look Bucky in the eyes. “I just… it’s not ever going to go anywhere, so why talk about it?”

Bucky leaned back in his chair and looked at his friend. “Oh, I don’t know, how about because maybe I can help? Or because even if I can’t help, at least I would know what the problem was?”

“You can’t help,” Steve stated, voice flat. “Trust me. It’s better if I just forget about it.”

“So why does everybody else know who he is?” Bucky demanded. “Why am I the only one left in the dark?”

Steve raised his eyes at that, wide blue eyes focusing on Bucky’s face. “It’s not like that, Buck,” he insisted. “They don’t know, they just guess.”

“Natasha knows.” Bucky didn’t care that he sounded like a petulant child. He hated that somebody -maybe even several somebodies- knew something about Steve that he didn’t.

“Only because she put the pieces together first. She told me when she’d worked it out. I didn’t tell her.” That just made Bucky feel worse. Natasha could work it out on her own, but he -Steve’s best friend- couldn’t. He stood and turned away, running a hand through his hair.

“And I can’t figure it out on my own. God, Stevie, I thought…” He wasn’t quite sure how to continue that sentence. ‘I thought I was your best friend’. ‘I thought you trusted me’.  ‘I thought we could talk about anything’. He hurt, and at this point he wasn’t even sure what hurt worst- the fact that Steve wouldn’t tell him something so important, or that he couldn’t figure it out on his own. It was like he was failing as Steve’s best friend. And Steve had other best friends now.

“Bucky…” Steve sounded uncertain, pained, but Bucky didn’t turn to look at him. “It’s not… I…”

“You are both idiots,” Natasha said, startling them both. Bucky turned to see her bright green eyes were open and she was glaring at them.

“Nat! You’re awake!” Steve shifted, the hand that had been reaching out towards Bucky abortively moving to clutch the arm of his chair.

“As I said. Idiots.” Her voice was weak and tired, but the scorn in it came through loud and clear. “Go kiss already, and let me get some sleep. Even a person in a coma could feel the sexual tension in here.”

Bucky stared at her, mouth agape. “What?” he asked, looking to Steve, only to see his friend blushing red and glaring at Natasha. “Steve?” he asked, confused. And then it clicked. Why nobody would tell him who Steve was in love with. Why Steve wouldn’t talk about it with him. Bruce’s words - “He felt like he was betraying someone he'd been in love with back during the war.” Natasha’s warning - “Don’t hurt him.”Thor’s idea that he and Steve were a couple. Pepper’s gentle prodding and the suggestion that he talk to Steve’s ex. Travis’ surprise when Bucky didn’t know, and that comment he’d made -“Well, he has you, doesn’t he?” His heart leapt, the pain and frustration fading as the meaning of it all sunk in.

“Steve… the guy you like. It’s me, isn’t it?”

Steve looked at the floor, ears turning red. “Buck, it’s… yes.” He sucked in a deep breath, and raised his head to meet Bucky’s eyes. “But I swear, Buck, I never meant to let you know. It’s not going to be a problem, I promise.” For a brief moment, he held Bucky’s gaze and the pain he could see was breathtaking. Then Steve looked away, back to the floor, his hands in his lap, his shoes, anywhere but at Bucky.

“Steve.” Bucky took a step forward, feeling, for the first time in weeks, entirely certain of what was going on. Steve loved him. He didn’t want him to know because he was afraid that Bucky didn’t feel the same, or that he would react badly. But he was wrong, because Bucky did feel the same. And with that string of facts complete in his mind, Bucky knew exactly what to do. “Steve, look at me.”

Steve stared hard at the floor, as if the grout in the tile was the most interesting thing in the room. “Please, Buck,” he said, sounding a little lost. “I swear, I never intended to act on it. You’re my friend. Before anything else, you’re my friend. That’s more important than anything.”

“Steve, look at me,” Bucky repeated, taking another step forward until he was toe-to-toe with Steve. Reluctantly, Steve looked up. Bucky smiled at him, letting everything he was feeling show in his face.

“Buck?” Steve asked, eyebrows coming together in confusion.

“Do I look like I’m upset?” Bucky asked him.

“No…” Bucky could see hope battling with pain in Steve’s face, and his heart ached for his friend even as it soared with love for him. How could someone so wonderful not believe his love could be returned?

“Do I look like I think it’s a problem?” Bucky asked, leaning in.

Steve’s eyes went wide, and Bucky saw the hope starting to win over the pain. “No.”

“What do I look like, Steve?” Bucky asked, gripping the arms of Steve’s chair, bringing their faces close together.

Steve swallowed, eyes locked with Bucky’s. “Ah… you look… you look…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Natasha said behind them, but neither man heard her.

“Really. Fucking. Happy,” Bucky breathed, eyes darting to Steve’s slightly parted lips.

“Happy?” Steve echoed, and Bucky felt the breath from his words on his face.

“Happy,” Bucky confirmed. “You idiot. You stupid, wonderful, dense, punk.” And then, before Steve could respond, he leaned in the last few inches and pressed their lips together.

For a moment, Steve went stiff under him. A small sound of surprise escaped his lips, and then he reached up, hands cradling Bucky’s head and pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. Bucky let go of the chair, instead moving his hands to either side of Steve’s face, threading his fingers through his hair. One of Steve’s hands let go of Bucky’s head, wrapping around and tugging at his waist until he collapsed on top of him. Without breaking the kiss, Bucky swung his legs around until he was sitting on Steve’s lap, Steve’s arm holding him tight against his body.

“You’re mine,” Bucky growled when the kiss ended. And then, because he could, he kissed Steve on the nose. “And I love you, even if you are an idiot.”

“Jerk,” Steve said, but Bucky could see he was smiling broadly. “You could’ve said.”

“So could you,” Bucky retorted. “But I love you anyway.”

“You… you do?” Steve asked, the insecurity in his voice painfully clear.

“Yeah.” Bucky grinned. “’Course I do. I’ve been falling all over myself tryin’ to figure out who you like, just ‘cause I don’t wanna see you unhappy. Even though I knew it would’a killed me to see you with another guy. You’re more important to me than anyone, and don’t you forget it. I love you, Steve Rogers.”

Steve leaned forward and kissed him again, briefly. “And I love you, James Barnes.”

“Finally,” Tony said from the doorway, startling them both. With a crash, Bucky fell from Steve’s lap and landed in a heap on the floor. “You’d think it wouldn’t have taken you guys this long,” he continued, as if nothing had happened. “But noooo. You both dance around each other, driving the rest of us nearly insane, and Pepper wouldn’t let me do anything to point either of you in the right direction. Do you know how frustrating that was?”

“Tony-” Steve said, apologetic.

“Fuck off,” Bucky finished for him. “We were having a moment.”

Tony blinked at him, then laughed. “You really need to work on your communication skills, Barnes.”

“I think that was the point. No go away. Steve and I have some more communicating to do,” Bucky told him, picking himself up off the floor. Steve coughed, blushing a deep red.

“I think you’ve forgotten something, Snowcone,” Tony said, with a glance to where Natasha was now sitting up in bed, watching them and smirking. “This isn’t your room.”

“Oh. Fuck,” Bucky swore. “Sorry, Nat. Ah… how do you feel?”

“Pretty good,” she answered. “I was enjoying the show.”

Steve hid his face in his hands.

Epilogue:

Later that night, they all gathered in the common floor of the tower for yet another game night. Natasha had been released from the hospital with a clean bill of health, once the doctors had made certain the poison she’d been injected with was out of her system. She sat at the table to Steve’s right, sorting through a stack of board games. The rest of the Avengers gathered around, bringing various food items to share with the group. Bucky sat on Steve’s left, making sarcastic comments and trading insults with Tony as he set up the board for another round of Clue. It was just like any other game night in the Avengers Tower, save one difference. Bucky’s right hand was intertwined with Steve’s left, and he sat so close as to leave no room between their bodies. Steve was smiling, occasionally looking at Bucky as if he didn’t truly believe his luck. Whenever Bucky caught these glances he would lean over and capture Steve’s lips in a kiss, reminding him without words that, yes, this was real. Tony declared them both ‘appallingly adorable,’ only to be smacked by Pepper, who told him to leave them alone.

Clint arrived late, as usual, only to need an explanation when he saw Steve and Bucky sitting so close together. He grumbled when he saw them kiss, then left the room. He returned a few moments later with a large envelope, which he dropped in Natasha’s lap. She laughed, and began to count the money that was inside of it. The envelope itself was labeled Bet Winnings: Steve’s Love Life. Natasha kept a stack of the bills for herself, dividing the rest of it between Pepper, Bruce, Tony, Thor, and Sam. Then, as if that sort of thing happened every day, she reached across the table and moved her piece on the board. “Mr. Green, in the study, with the candlestick.” In a few minutes, Tony and Bucky were once again arguing over the identity of the killer, while Steve examined the setup of the rooms to determine the best logical place to mount an attack. Fairly soon, the whole table was drawn into the ‘discussion’, the volume escalating until anyone on the floors directly above and below could hear them.

Nobody noticed when Steve and Bucky extricated themselves from the argument, leaving the table to curl up together on the couch. By the time things settled down, Steve was sleeping on Bucky’s chest, Bucky watching him with a fond smile. When nobody was looking, he pressed a kiss to the top of Steve’s head, convinced he was the luckiest guy in the world. It may have taken him a while to work it all out, but now that he had, he was never, ever, letting Steve go.

The End