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If You're Not Here With Me

Summary:

“There really isn’t much to say. After he regained consciousness, we flirted a bit, which led to a very nice kiss. Then the universe played a cruel trick and I had to leave for Australia then very next day.” Hermione frowned and let out a slow breath. “I didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. I had to leave a note.”
Hermione has returned to England after spending three years in Australia, working to restore her parents' memories. She finds she still has a lot of feelings for Fred but it doesn't seem as though those feelings are reciprocated, for several reasons. Can the thoughtful gifts from her secret Santa help distract her?
 

This story was written for the Fremione Fanatics Yule Fest. Lots of thanks and Christmas cheer to omnenomnom for being my beta and to moonfairy13 for being my cheerleader all the way through the writing process!

The title of the fic is taken from the song Blue Christmas, by Elvis Prestley

Chapter Text

IYNHWM

 

“Well, well, well. Look what the kneazle dragged in.”

Hermione Granger smiled as the door to Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes shut behind her. George Weasley stood behind a grand, antique golden till checking out one of the few customers that were in the store. Being the end of November, the store was still two weeks away from hosting a hoard of last-minute holiday shoppers. 

Hermione approached the counter as a woman took her bag from George and headed for the door. George looked a lot like how he had three years ago, with the main difference being that his hair had been cut short and he now sported a gold band on his left hand. 

“How are you, George?” she asked as she attempted to scan the rest of the shop for an identical mop of red hair without being too obvious.

“I’m good,” George answered with a nod and then a smirk before adding, “So is Fred.”

“I wasn’t asking about Fred. I was asking about you.” She grabbed his hand and pulled it closer to inspect his ring. “How’s married life treating you?”

“Wonderfully. We celebrated two years last month and have started to look for a proper house.” He leaned in close and whispered, “Our flat is going to be too small in another six months.” Hermione gasped and beamed up at him but he put a finger to his mouth. “Mum’s the word. We’re telling everyone at Christmas.”

“Congratulations!” Hermione whispered. “And send my love to Angelina.”

George nodded and stood back up. “So, what brings you back around these streets?”

“I’ve officially moved back.”

“Really? For good?”

“Yeah, really for good,” Hermione laughed. “It was a long journey but my parents finally have their memories back and without any lasting side effects, thankfully.”

“That’s great news. Ginny has been keeping me up on most of it. I can’t believe it took that long.”

“Didn’t Fred tell you about any of it? Merlin knows I wrote him enough letters about it all.”

George’s face fell and he shook his head. “I don’t recall him getting any letters. He must have decided to keep them to himself.”

Hermione frowned. “Oh. Maybe.” Finally confronting the question she had been avoiding, she asked, “How is he?”

“He’s doing well. Anyone who doesn’t know him wouldn’t be able to tell a wall almost crushed him to death.”

“And those that do know him?”

“He has some lasting nerve damage on his left side,” George said with a grimace. “There’s a slight limp to his gait now if you watch closely and his left hand isn’t as steady as it used to be. Luckily he’s right-handed so it hasn’t affected his spell and potion work. I think he’d be downright intolerable if that ability had been taken from him.”

Hermione nodded and rapidly blinked back tears that were starting to form. She couldn’t help but choke up a little when she asked, “Is he happy?”

George moved his hand to cover hers and gave it a squeeze. “I think so. He’s been seeing Bethany now for almost two years and she seems to be good for him.”

“I sense a but...”

George nodded and said, “But it’s hard to get a read on her. She doesn’t come around often, and when she does, she’s vague and overly sweet. Like she’s covering up something and doesn’t want anyone to get too close.” He shrugged and continued, “Fred hasn’t had any extraordinary complaints though so I assume they get along well.” He frowned at Hermione and gave her hand another squeeze. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear.”

“No, no. It is what I wanted to hear. I don’t want him to be miserable. The few moments he and I shared are like a droplet of mist in the ocean of time.” Hermione cringed and shook her head. “Wow, that came out poetically tragic. I’m glad he has someone that makes him happy”

“I’m still sorry, though. I like the idea of having you as a sister-in-law. Charlie’s still single if you’re interested,” George suggested.

“No, he’s not. Charlie is married to his dragons,” Hermione laughed through a sniffle. 

“Exactly the reason he needs a good woman in his life!” There was a moment of silence and then George asked, “Can I ask what happened between you two? Fred didn’t say much about it after you left.”

“There really isn’t much to say. After he regained consciousness, we flirted a bit, which led to a very nice kiss. Then the universe played a cruel trick and I had to leave for Australia then very next day.” Hermione frowned and let out a slow breath. “I didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. I had to leave a note.”

“I’m sorry. That’s rough.”

Hermione nodded and stepped to the side so that George could ring up the next customer, and inspected a display of what looked like Muggle mood rings. The sign above them read ‘Reflection Rings’. Instead of sensing your moods, it claimed to read the tone of your thoughts.

“Try one on,” George said. He plucked a ring with an oval gemstone from the shelf and handed it to Hermione. 

“What’s the difference between these and a Muggle mood ring?” Hermione asked, slipping the ring on. The white of the gemstone instantly swirled away and was replaced with grey.

“The main difference is that those Muggle rings don’t actually read your mood. They’re affected by heat. Come on Granger. You know that,” he laughed, giving her shoulder a playful punch. “We were going to make it so these actually did detect your mood but then we thought knowing the nature of one’s thoughts might be more useful. For example, your grey stone is telling me your thoughts are of a gloomy nature. I know to try and steer the topic to a happier discussion topic. If in the middle of a conversation your ring were to turn red, I know your thoughts are angry and I should shield my bollocks or maybe run and hide.”

Hermione giggled and as the image of George running for cover materialized in her mind, the stone’s color transitioned from grey to sapphire blue. “That’s really very clever,” she said, and the blue color lightened but didn’t go back to grey.

“Light blue means your thoughts are content,” he said, pointing to a color chart on the display. Hermione went to take the ring off but George stopped her and said, “Keep it. Consider it a welcome home gift.”

Hermione smiled and said, “Thank you.”

“What’s the brightest witch of her age going to do now that she’s home?”

“I’m actually your neighbor now.”

George’s jaw dropped. “You’re the new owner of Flourish and Blotts?” Hermione nodded and he laughed. “We’ve been watching the renovations the last few weeks, wondering what the hell was happening. You reopened today, right?”

“Yeah. No big grand opening or anything like that. But I reorganized things and put in a coffee and pastry bar, along with some comfy chairs so people can hang out and read. I actually got to hold interviews and hire an assistant, like a proper boss.”

“Congratulations! I can’t wait to see it. What are you doing here then? Shouldn’t you be working?”

“Lunch break. Thought I’d pop by to see if you’re free.”

“I should be able to break away in a few minutes. Tell you what. There’s a Thai place, a block down from the Muggle entrance of the Leaky Cauldron. Go snag a table and I’ll meet you there.”

“Great. I’ll see you soon.”

 




“Newt spleens are costing a fortune these days,” Fred griped as he leaned against the counter next to his twin. “Magnus wanted forty-galleons for the lot. There was a moment where I thought he was gonna ask for a kidney.”

“Did you give it to him?” George asked, locking the till and aiming his wand at the front door to flip their sign to CLOSED.

“The galleons? Yes. I still have both kidneys, though.”

“Good. We’ll probably need those for powdered bicorn horn next week.” George laughed and gave him a slap on the back. 

“I’m starving. What do you want to do for lunch?” Fred asked.

“I was thinking Thai. It’s been a while since we’ve been to Thai One On.”

“Excellent idea. Let’s go.”

“You go ahead and grab a table. I have a few quick things to take care of.”

Fred gave him a confused look and said, “Can’t it wait? We’ll be back within an hour.”

“I don’t want to risk forgetting this. Go ahead, I’ll only be five minutes behind.”

“Alright. Order you the usual?”

“Much appreciated.”

Fred left through the front door, locking it behind him, and made his way through the cobbled thoroughfare of Diagon Alley. He greeted the familiar faces in the Leaky and took a raincheck on Tom’s offer of a Butterbeer. Out in Muggle London, he took a right and pushed his way through the crowded footpath. He could smell the spices when he was three buildings away and his mouth started watering. He hadn’t had anything since his frozen waffles that morning and he was ready to dig into a plate of drunken noodles.

Stepping into the warmth of the restaurant, Fred scanned the room looking for an empty table or booth. It was prime time for lunch and the place was packed. He saw a small empty table in the corner and started for it when he was stopped in his tracks by the woman sitting on the other side. 

The mass of chestnut curls was a sight he had not seen in three years and she wasn’t what he had been expecting to find in one of the hundreds of Thai restaurants in London. Fred wasn’t sure how he should react, and as he stood frozen a couple squeezed past him and claimed the table he’d had his eye on. 

As the couple took their seats, Hermione glanced up, and her eyes locked with his. She blinked once and then smiled as she got to her feet. The smile faded as Fred started to back away and he heard her call out his name as he turned around and left the restaurant. 

Outside, Fred hurried to the other side of the street. He wanted to avoid running into his brother because he wasn’t sure how he’d explain to his mother that he was in a Muggle jail for homicide. He wasn’t entirely sure how, but he knew George was responsible for that ‘chance meeting’. Traitorous bastard. George knew how much Hermione’s sudden move had hurt him and how long it had taken him to move past it all. What the hell was he thinking of, sending Fred into that situation?

He grabbed a sandwich and some soup on his way back through the Leaky and holed up in his flat above the shop to have his lunch. While he ate, he penned an angry note to his sister that simply said, ‘ Thanks for the head’s up ’ and sent it off with his owl, Loki. As he was finishing up his soup, Loki returned with Ginny’s reply of ‘ Seriously? I thought we were past this?

Fred gave Loki a treat and stroked the owl’s head while he let his anger fade. Ginny was right. He was past this. Whatever he thought he and Hermione had was obviously not as strongly felt by her. If it was, surely he would have gotten a letter letting him know. He had moved on and was with Bethany.

When he heard footsteps downstairs, Fred cleaned up and went down to join his brother for the start of their afternoon hours. He didn’t say anything as he entered the shop, opting for the cold shoulder approach to show his frustration at his brother’s antics. As per usual, George paid it no mind and asked, “You want to talk about it?”

“Nothing to talk about,” Fred said in a clipped tone.

“Right. So you just ran out of the restaurant on a whim?”

“You’re a right arse sometimes, you know? We’re not kids anymore, George. You could have told me she was back instead of letting me go in there completely unprepared.”

“I thought if you knew, you wouldn’t go.”

“You thought right.”

“She’s worried about you.”

“I hope you told her there’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine.” Fred flipped the sign and unlocked the door.

Thankfully, George let the subject drop and they worked together in cordial silence for the next few hours. After spending a hot hour in the lab to get a jump start on their fireworks production, Fred’s left leg started tingling and going numb. He took a break and stepped outside to stretch and let the early winter breeze cool him down. He noticed their neighboring shop, Flourish and Blotts, was finally reopened under its new management.

“Did you see Flourish and Blotts is open again?” he asked, stepping back into the shop.

“I heard they started serving decent coffee and baked goods. You should go get us a caffeine fix,” George suggested.

“Sure. Back in a mo,” Fred said, stepping back outside. He opened the door to the bookshop and held it as a mother and her little boy exited. She had a cup of coffee and the little boy was chomping happily on a chocolate chip cookie with his new book tucked under his arm. Fred took a deep breath, savoring the aroma of fresh coffee and sugary treats.

The bell above the door tinkled as the door shut behind him. Before he could take a step, a familiar voice made him freeze for the second time that day.

“This is one of my favorite series. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Looking to the checkout counter, Fred locked eyes once more with Hermione Granger. Without a word, Fred turned and left the shop, stomping back over to his own. 

“You’re a bastard,” Fred muttered as he passed George on his way back to the lab.

“You have to talk to her sometime,” George called after him.

“I know! I just…” Fred groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. “Stop sending me into situations unprepared. Let me do it in my own time.”

 




Hermione had been expecting an awkward reunion with Fred, but never would have thought he would have completely written her off. She didn’t think anything romantic between them was still there but had hoped that they would be able to remain friends. 

When he had walked out on her at the Thai restaurant she was heartbroken and by the time George arrived, she was in tears. He had been able to help calm her down and explained that Fred had most likely reacted to the shock of seeing her for the first time in three years.

By the time she left the restaurant, Hermione had collected herself and was able to get on with the afternoon. When Fred walked into her shop and immediately left, again, she was angry. She couldn’t understand what she had done so wrong that he wouldn’t even utter one word to her. 

As the final customer left the shop, Hermione started wiping down the little cafe area. She was placing the leftover pastries into a box to take to a local Muggle soup kitchen when the bell above the door dinged. 

“Sorry, I’m just closing up for the evening. We’ll reopen…” She trailed off when she finally looked up and saw Fred standing in the doorway. Without a second thought, she grabbed a muffin and hurled it at him. Not expecting a pastry assault, Fred was slow to react and the muffin collided with his head, sending chunks and crumbs spraying all over him and the floor.

“Oi!” He picked a muffin chunk off his shoulder and popped it in his mouth. He chewed for a moment and then said, “Banana nut is good but I like lemon poppyseed more.”

Hermione picked up her last lemon poppyseed muffin and chucked it at the infuriating redhead. He was ready this time and easily caught it. He took a bite and nodded in approval. “I’d prefer if you poured my coffee instead of throwing that at me.”

“What do you want, you arrogant prat?” Hermione spat, boxing up the final pastries. 

“I was hoping that maybe we could talk, without me getting called an arrogant prat,” Fred answered, using his wand to siphon up the crumbs from his sweater and the floor. 

“And without you running away from me?”

“And without me running away,” Fred said, taking a seat on one of the oversized leather chairs. 

Hermione narrowed her eyes and considered kicking him out but ultimately decided against it. Instead, she poured two coffees and carried them over with a tray of cream and sugar. The two prepared their drinks in silence, only the soft clinking of spoons on ceramic filling the air.

“So, are you going to tell me why you ignored me for the past three years?” Hermione asked. 

Fred scowled and said, “Are you going to tell me why you ran off without saying goodbye?”

“I did tell you why! I put everything in the note I left for you at the hospital!”

“What note? I never got a note from you.”

“I came to the hospital but the woman at the main desk wouldn’t let me into your room. She said you were in with a physical therapist. I waited as long as I could. I wanted to see you and tell you what was happening and say goodbye.” Hermione swallowed the lump forming in her throat and fought back the impending tears. “When I couldn’t wait any longer, I wrote a note and left it at the main desk to get delivered to you.”

“I never got a note in the hospital.”

“I don’t know why. The receptionist gave me an envelope and I wrote your name and room number on it.”

“Fine, we’ll put that down as a clerical error,’ Fred said dismissively. Before Hermione could say anything else about it, he asked, “But why didn’t you contact me after that? Harry, Ginny, and even Ron were telling me about these letters they kept receiving from you. You couldn’t take time out of your busy schedule to drop me a line saying ‘Hey, you’re a good snog but let’s just be friends’?”

Hermione let the tears flow as she cried, “How callous do you think I am? I wrote to you every week, for almost an entire year! Every day I’d wake up and hope that that would be the day I finally heard back from you. I stopped writing when Ginny finally told me you were seeing someone.”

Fred didn’t say anything right away. He sat on the edge of the chair, staring into his coffee cup. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded strained and choked up. “I never got a letter.”

“You’re going to try and tell me you didn’t get a single one of my letters?”

“Why would I lie to you?” he cried, looking up at her. “I kept waiting for my letter, my reassurance that you were at least okay, even if you didn’t feel anything beyond friendship for me!”

“Did it ever once cross your mind to write to me?”

“I had no idea where the hell you were!”

“But there were several people you could have asked! Instead, you jumped to conclusions and wrote me off.”

Fred bowed his head. She knew she had struck a nerve. “I felt stupid,” he muttered. “I felt dumb for thinking for that a girl like you would actually want a guy like me. I was a reckless, stubborn, broken mess of a human being. What woman in her right mind would’ve wanted to be shackled to that?”

“I never saw you as a broken mess,” Hermione said quietly. 

“Yeah, well,” Fred let out a sigh and slumped back in his chair. “I may have battled a period of depression during my recovery.”

“I wish I could have been here to help you with it,” she whispered.

Fred’s head turned to look at her and he gave her a sad smile. “Me too.”

Hermione curled her legs up under her and the pair silently finished their drinks. Hermione followed Fred’s gaze around the remodeled shop. It hadn’t taken long to fix up. All the shelves were in good condition. The main task had been going through the inventory and organizing it. The former owner hadn’t paid much mind to where customers set books so it wasn’t out of the norm to find dragon breeding manuals stacked with goblin folklore. 

“You did a nice job fixing the place up. How long have you been back in England?” Fred asked.

“About two weeks. I kept my return quiet because I didn’t really feel like being hounded by The Prophet until I had everything sorted and life wasn’t so crazy.” Hermione took his coffee mug and walked back to the cafe counter. “My parents were deemed fully cured at the end of summer. We then spent a few weeks debating on what they should do.”

“What do you mean?”

Hermione took a deep breath and let it out slowly before answering, “They weren’t sure about whether or not they wanted to come back to England. They had already set up a successful dental office in Sydney and weren’t keen on the idea of starting from scratch again.”

“But they eventually came around to it, right?”

Fresh tears slid down her cheeks as she shook her head and let out a choked sob.

“Oh, Hermione.” Fred rushed over and pulled her into a hug. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured, holding her tight.

Hermione took a minute to let herself cry into his chest. Once she composed herself, she stepped back and swiped the tears from her cheeks. “They came back with me to take care of selling the house and getting a few things they had left behind. But they decided it was best for them to stay in Australia, even after I said I was moving back here. We’ve been staying with my aunt, but they leave this coming weekend and I’ll be shacked up in a hotel until the flat upstairs is ready to move into.” With a defeated shrug and a sigh, she said, “I went through three years of hell trying to heal them and bring them home only to have them not want to come home. I understand their decision, but it still hurts.”

“Of course it hurts,” Fred said, gently rubbing her arm. “At least they know who you are and I’m sure you’ll visit each other often.” Hermione nodded and Fred let out a chuckle. “You must have hit them with a hell of a memory charm.”

“The healers were quite impressed,” she laughed through a sniffle. 

“I’m sorry I was such an arse earlier. I wasn’t expecting to see you, let alone find out you had moved in next door to me. But I am glad you decided to come back. While surprising, it’s nice to see your face again.”

“It’s nice to see your face again, too. And I want you to know I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy. I’m excited to meet Bethany,” Hermione said, putting on a brave smile to cover up the fact that she was lying and dying a little inside. She was happy that Fred was happy. It didn’t mean that she wasn’t jealous of the fact that it was another woman making him happy. 

“She’s working odd shifts at St. Mungo’s right now but as soon as her schedule evens out, we’ll pop ‘round.” Fred glanced up and frowned. “How long are you going to be stuck in a hotel before your flat is ready?”

“Um, I’m hoping a week, but it’ll probably be more like two. I should definitely be in by the holidays.”

“I have an empty room if you’d like to save some money.”

“Oh, thanks but I doubt your girlfriend would be thrilled to know you moved another woman into your flat,” Hermione replied.

“It’ll be fine. It’s not like we don’t have her flat to go to if privacy is needed. And it’s only for two weeks, not forever.”

“She doesn’t live with you?” Hermione asked suspiciously.

“No. Should she?”

“It’s just, I thought...nevermind.” Hermione chewed her bottom lip and gave the offer quick consideration. It would be nice not having to pay out a fortune for a hotel stay. Her Aunt Theresa had said she could stay with her longer but Hermione didn’t want to stay there without the buffer of her parents. Plus, Aunt Theresa had three ill-behaved dachshunds, and Hermione’s patience with them was waning. 

“If you’re positive that it won’t cause trouble, then yes, I will happily take your extra room. It would be an immense help,” Hermione said. 

“Great! I’ll get it fixed up tonight, bring you a key tomorrow, and you can move in whenever you want.”

“Thank you, Fred. I really appreciate it.” Hermione reached up and gave him a hug, trying her damndest not to think about how nice and perfect it felt to have his arms around her. 

“No problem, roomie.” Fred patted her back and pulled away. He caught her hand as she was putting her arms down and smirked. “I see George gave you one of our Reflection Rings.”

Hermione glanced at the now vivid pink stone of her ring. “Oh, yeah. A clever bit of magic these are. I forget what pink means though.”

“Pink is umm...lustful.”

Hermione’s mouth dropped open and she watched as the pink color drained from the ring and flooded her cheeks. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say that yellow is mortally embarrassed.”

“I wouldn’t get that dramatic.”

‘Says the man who isn’t about to move in with the unavailable subject of their lustful thoughts,’ Hermione thought, biting her bottom lip.

Fred gave her shoulder a gentle shake and smiled. “I’ll stop by tomorrow to give you a key and get another muffin, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll actually put it on a plate for you.”

“Sounds great. Good-night Hermione.”