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When Caleb first met him he was overwhelming, too much, too bright and often too close.
The longer they travelled together the more he felt he needed to make the choice consciously to keep this purple tiefling at arms lenght. And the longer and the more he did the more he felt like the Tiefling just grinned at him and grabbed him by the arm he used to keep distance with to him.
Tiresome. Too much. Too uncomfortable and too warm.
He didn't. . . He didn't think he could bear it.
He wanted it and by the dawnfather and the moonweaver too he wished he could let himself at times but there was so much on his mind and he didn't deserve or need this right now.
Too much. Too complicated. Too good and too binding.
At times he was too exhausted to put up all those walls and keep the full distance and this little devil of a man. . . He knew and he could tell. And he would use it to worm his way right where he wanted to be without regards to how Caleb tried not to let him.
A tiny kiss on the head, a small hug, a pin to the wall and increasing invasion of privat space.
Too gentle, too caring, too foward and too much needed at times.
When it came time and they fought to find and free their friends and Mollymauk Tealeaf himself was the sacrificial lamb, only then it was that Caleb realized just how much there was a space empty now. Emptied out and hollow made by someone gradually worming their way further and further in.
Too cold. Too hollow. Too quiet.
And all he could do, all he could think and see were the many regrets he suddenly knew he would carry around from now on. And his last words were for him to be bright and full of live again like he used to. And his touch was light as he tucked the hair out of Mollymauk's face but he could tell just how M T he really was at this moment and how terrifying that felt.
Too wet. Too silent. Too scared amd too regretful.
He Avenged him, anger burning hot and red just like Lorenzo's body before it turned to ash but he didn't tell anyone where that rage truely was founded. How it was truely his anger at his own inability and rage for having yet lost and destroyed another so sweet thing to him. However his anger subsided fast, maybe it was what he deserved.
Too messed up. Too undeserving. Too . . . Too late.
As they continued the others were shook by the news and shook by this turn of events. Yasha, dear dawnfather above forgive him for doing this to her, devastated and in great pain about this just like him but she. . . She deserved to feel angry. At him. At Lorenzo. At everyone. He failed them both.
Too selfish. Too distanced. Too. . . Alone now.
As their journey went on and on he learned, he healed and he grew closer and a bit happier with the rest of the nein around. He learned to love each of them dearly and appreciate their company at every step and he was grateful for that. And yet. Yet there was something, someone, missing and he was stuck on that.
Has been and will be for a long time so he tought.
Too long. Too useless. Too much to be good for him amymore.
He was fine though wasn't he? He tried to be. And all of his friends were there to help and support him just like he would for them without question anymore.
And when he managed to land the decisive blow on Vokodo the fact that he saw a city so moving and magical yet predatory like cities shouldn't be and he heard the mention of nein eyes it struck him. Like lightning or an icicle right through the chest and he felt his heart beat heavy in his throat.
Too close. Too good. Too suddent and all too violent.
The fears that used to hold him back were gone about his old mentor, his mind not being able to afford being out of it now though not fully applied. It was his turn now to do something. They accept the job offer and they met for dinner with old friends and a mentors he wished to see dead rather sooner than later but what really ate away at his mind now was research.
Too little. Too unusable. Too suspiciously picked clean and too many questions.
He knew there was only one way to get answers.
And that was a grave soaked and muddy with a friend lying in it, bound in a tapestry and marked by a beautiful coat. And he would get his answers. He was going to hell for all his failings, mistakes and shortcommings anyway so he might aswell help shovel this grave and add to the list. It was now M T.
Too deep. Too easy to remove and definitely too free of a missing friend and piece of this puzzle.
When Jester scryed on him and told the mighty nein of her findings Caleb could feel it again. A burden, a heart, beating so heavy in his chest he would have been worried if he wasn't too busy trying not to cry.
He couldn't. He wasn't to believe it's true until he had proof. Tangible proof for himself.
Too wonderful. Too unbelievable. Too good to be true.
They hurried along their wintergear and left as soon as every piece was retrieved, even if with the help, rather unwanted but ultimately needed for it to be done fast, of their new Contractor Vess DeRougna. And after that it sure did not take long for them to be on their way. On a ship. Shortly saving the world and secondly kicking a frozenover butt from someones ex. And then stayed the night in the Base before the big travel.
So close. So restless. So very anxious too.
It was that night that Jester scryed on him again. The very Tiefling they had buried and mourned so deeply before. And he was different. But oh so much the same. His glowing eyes like shiny fresh blood and that wicked grin plastered on.However his accent and the way he carried himself too. . . They were different weren't they? But it was him. Atleast it was this body. And a bloody mess. Which they were to clean before following him the next morning.
So far. So soon. So unprepared he felt.
And yet so determined.
It only took them serval more days and the making of a few new friends as well as a very none-compliant Emerald to finally reach the excavation side and Jester in the name of the whole group being welcomed . . .by Mol- Lucien. It was now most likely. Caleb needed to see him, feel him to believe any of that was real though.
So insecure about their place. So unsure about what was ahead and yet so positive they would soon see him again and learn more.
They were so close, each step heavier and more searching, hoping, as they wandered deeper and deeper into this. Many things and a few spiders and ice elementals were to be found and thankfully survived or avoided but whatever swept through this did so thoroughly. And it was after the last door opened that there was no doubt to any of them that who they were searching for was infact that very 'whatever' along with his group.
So bloody. So smug. So. . . Alive.
He smiled at all of them and apologized for the mess. He really was trying to clean up before they would arrive but Caleb didn't care.
He saw him. And suddenly it was like he was on autopilot, his feet moved foward slowly.
The last lost soul in the hands of this Tiefling was discarded, trow aside as he saw the wizard coming closer and he instinctively raised his arm at his side signaling his companions to wait. Do not move. This was not their moment, that much he knew. It was his. So he too stepped foward, towards this wizard cautiously approaching.
He looked so lost yet found at the same time, So disbelieving and so very good compared to . . .to what. He felt like it has been a long time. Seeing any of them. There were dull bells ringing but they didn't make it through.
Caleb stopped and so did his counterpart infront of him. For a moment they shared a deep look neither of them too sure what to do with it before Caleb's lips parted "Mr. . . .Lucien. Is it fine to call you that?" He lifted his arm up, thanks to the arms lenght distanced not yet touching him. Lucien started to grin and lifted his arm too, putting it ontop of calebs outstretched one and grabbing him by the upper arm, then pulling Caleb along to him.
The nein were about to make a jump foward before realizing that it was not needed as now there was Lucien, holding a slightly dazed Caleb in a shoulder hug.
"Oh my! What a formal man! If you want to give me a title I am the Nonagon else Lucien is quite enough." For a moment Caleb did not know what to do. This was it. A tangible moment. A touch. A hug. And it was so different and yet there it was, the same old feeling triggered inside him. Beneath all those winter coats and clothes and all, there was still this guy he loved.
And he was overwhelmed. Without thinking for a moment he hugged Lucien back. It wasn't a greeting hug, no, it was a tight 'I know you' and 'I missed you' hug clear to see for everyone. But truely Caleb just felt so happy. That which he tought lost was there. He was here! He was alive! And Caleb didn't know if it was his own or if he could feel Luciens heartbeat beneath all of those thick layers of wintergear hammering but Lucien himself? Without being able to explain why he felt his heart skipt a beat or two. This man was strange. But he sure knew. He felt a smile creep on his face as that stranger burried his face into his coat in the hug. As long as noone saw it, Caleb was sure, he sure wasn't crying.