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Somehow, Ben knows Callum better than he ever thought he’d get the chance to know anyone. His life has been filled up with these little details that you wouldn’t care about if you weren’t madly in love.
Like the fact that Callum has to have some sort of cover over him when he sleeps, even when it’s boiling in the early summer, or the fact that he loves the snow right up until it starts to turn to sludge. Like the fact that he has a secret obsession with indie music from the 80s or the fact that he still hates coffee.
Or like the fact that the only thing that he wants when he’s scared or upset or drained is hot chocolate.
Maybe it’s stupid, that the thought of knowing Callum like no one else does makes him feel special but it does. It always has, ever since he started picking these things about Callum up. He’s got a list of them now, in his head- the list of things that make him love Callum that little bit more, and it’s just for him.
It’s special to him, that maybe Callum trusts him to know these things, trusts him like no one else. Because Ben knows he’s done the same- given Callum parts of him that no one else gets to see, and there’s something safe in having that returned. That exchange of secrets that makes you feel like you belong. It’s sacred to him, and he hopes that it means just as much to Callum as it does to him.
The hot chocolate thing- it’s one of those things that feels so perfectly him , that it didn’t even really surprise him. Apparently it’s something he’d picked up from Stuart in his childhood- they hadn’t really had tea or coffee in the house, but Stuart had always made sure to keep a box of hot chocolate powder hidden somewhere. Whenever things had been particularly rough on his little brother - their dad had been worse, or the boys at school were getting to him - he’d bring it out, comfort Callum with silence and a steaming cup.
Him and Stuart have never really gotten along all that well, but it’s stories like that that make him respect the man so much more.
Ben picks up the habit after he hears the story- picking up a box of hot chocolate powder when he next goes to the shop and throwing it in the cupboard next to his coffee - his sustenance, apart from alcohol, because it’s not socially acceptable to be drinking at 11am - and Lexi’s box of strawberry milkshake mix. At first it’s an odd sight, but then it just becomes a part of their lives- even more so once they’re living together.
And maybe it’s stupid, but the sight of the three boxes next to each other makes him happier than he reckons it should.
All of this- it’s why his first reaction when he gets the text is to boil the kettle and pull the box out of the back of the cupboard-
Callum: bad day x
That’s all Callum needs to say for him to know. It’s become sort of an unspoken secret code between the two of them. Ben’s never questioned it and Callum’s never asked so they just carry on, settle that into their lives, and it’s just another nuance of them- another secret that no one else gets to have.
Ben’s just mixing the milky chocolate mixture in with the water from the kettle when the door swings open behind him. He hears the distant sound of rain pelting the pavement, almost drowning out a small sigh, before the door swings shut gently again, leaving Callum standing just inside. He’s dressed in his paramedic uniform, slightly dark from the rain and it makes him look smaller somehow. He’s silent, offers Ben a small smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. There’s a blush from the cold across his cheeks and his eyes look somewhat raw, his hair out of place and flattened by the rain.
“Hey,” he calls softly, not moving from where he’s stood.
“Hey, darlin’,” Ben says with a small smile. “Come on, let’s get you out of that uniform, I made you a hot chocolate.”
A genuine smile crawls across his face, it’s small but it’s really there and it’s comforting to Ben, the idea that he’s doing this right. Callum shrugs his coat off and Ben takes it from him, and hangs it on one of the hooks above the radiator so that it’ll dry out by the morning- because he’s got another damn shift then , but that’s not something they have to think about right now. When he gets back into the kitchen Callum’s slipped into one of the kitchen chairs, hands over his face.
“You okay?” Ben says, coming to stand just in front of him but not touching yet, unsure of where things stand. But Callum nods, hands moving away.
“Yeah, yeah, just- long shift,” he sighs. “I just- can we talk about it later? I think I need to lay down for now.”
“Of course,” Ben says, holding a hand out for Callum to take and he does, their fingers intertwining on contact. He pulls him out of his chair and grabs the mug from the counter, before pulling on the other man’s hand. “Come on then. Fancy cuddles in bed?”
Callum smiles, and he looks so in love that it’s almost overwhelming. “Sounds perfect.”
It does to Ben too. Although anything involving Callum sounds perfect to him. He guesses that’s what it’s like to be so in love like this.