Chapter Text
When the bruises first appear, people assume they are from Robin. The whispers start and Regina feels the eyes on her everywhere she goes.
They’re not, of course. Robin is a gentle soul and would no more hit Regina than he would cut off his own arm. Eventually, though, he can’t take the rumors anymore and he leaves. Regina has become beloved in their little town and the hatred directed his way is unbearable.
The day he stands before Regina and cries, she watches him with distant eyes that can no longer focus. She doesn’t ask him to stay, she understands that he can’t.
4 years earlier, she adopted a 12-year-old girl with light brown skin, curly hair, and no ability to speak. Her heart melted when she saw her. This beautiful soul who rocks back and forth and does not speak but sings with the voice of an angel.
She had been sent back from every foster home she was placed in. The doctors had attached every letter of the alphabet to her name: ASD, ODD, ADHD, OCD, possible BPD. Robin was afraid, but Regina knew she wasn’t going home without that girl. The adoption was finalized 6 months later.
Her name is Faith and it fits her because she restores Regina’s with every day they are together. On the good days, she allows Regina to hold her and she gifts her with the most beautiful smile on the planet.
On the bad days, she is angry and unpredictable. The first time she hits her, Regina is in a state of shock and she cries herself to sleep. The bad days become more and more frequent and Regina becomes more desperate to reach her daughter.
She researches alternative communication devices, hoping that she can find a way to understand Faith and help her work through her anger. The first one she brings home is smashed against the wall and Regina has to walk away before she loses her temper. She comes back to a room full of broken glass and the sight of her daughter banging her head against the wall. She never leaves her alone again.
On Faith’s 15th birthday, Regina resigns from her position as Mayor. She has been Mayor in name only for so long that it seems silly to continue to hold the title. She officially turns over to Kathryn, who has been acting as her deputy and announces she will no longer run for re-election.
Faith is now 16 and Regina never leaves the house anymore, except to go to all of the appointments. She tries everything she can think of: art therapy, music therapy, group therapy, every medication the doctors can think of. Everything helps for a few weeks and then it all falls apart again. Whatever is making her daughter hurt so badly is locked up tight and Regina has no idea how to reach it.
----------------------------------------------------
This episode is a bad one. Faith is furious and is trying to smash her head against the wall. Already, furniture has been knocked over and there is yet another hole in her living room wall. The dishes have all long since been replaced with plastic, but today one of her few remaining coffee mugs has fallen victim to the rage.
Regina wraps her in a bear hug and tells her over and over again that she is safe, that she is loved, but she is not getting through. Faith is screaming at the top of her lungs and Regina knows she is desperately trying to break free from her hold. For the hundredth time, she wonders if she should let her go, but she is terrified that her daughter will hurt herself.
Faith is kicking and trying to bite her, fighting to get free. Regina sings her favorite song trying to reach her, to calm her enough that it is safe to let go. This seems to infuriate her more and suddenly Regina is hit hard across the face.
Another bruise she will have to cover up before she is able to leave the house again. There are so many now that Regina can no longer wear short sleeves or leave the house without dark sunglasses. She wishes again that there was someone there to help her, someone that can keep Faith from hurting herself while Regina goes to get her medication or turn on the music that sometimes calms her down. She never uses magic anymore; she is afraid to startle her or scare her. She holds tight and wonders how long this one will last.
----------------------------------------------
Across town, Emma Swan is sitting at her desk in the sheriff’s office when she feels the tingle of magic in the air. She does not see the source, but it feels so hopeless, so desperate, that she becomes determined to trace it.
She has no idea how to follow an unidentified thread of magic, particularly one that does not seem to have been cast with any particular purpose in mind. She can feel that it is a cry for help, but she doubts whoever sent it even knows that they did. She leaves her office, allowing her own magic to reach out and follow the energy she feels. She takes what appears to be random turns, but she is confident enough in her magic now that she is sure it is guiding her correctly.
When her magic takes her to Mifflin Street, she is shocked. She rushes to the door and when she finds it locked, uses her magic to open it. She hears the screaming as soon as she steps inside.
“Regina?” she calls out.
Regina hears the voice but has no idea why the sheriff is in her home. “Miss Swan! I’m in the living room!”
Emma rushes in to see Regina on the floor cradling her daughter who is frantically trying to bite. When she cannot reach any part of Regina’s skin, she shoves her own arm in her mouth and Regina tries to pull her arms away from her mouth, all the while trying to keeping her still.
“Stay back!” Regina orders and Emma stops short.
“What do you need me to do?” she asks, and the question is such a relief that Regina almost breaks down.
“Get me a sweatshirt from the hall closet,” she says. Emma rushes back in with the sweatshirt and Regina hands it to her daughter.
“Here baby. Bite on this,” she says. Faith shoves the shirt in her mouth and bites down hard. Emma watches in stunned silence as the girl begins to calm down and Regina lets go immediately. She scoots back, giving her daughter some space.
“Mama’s here,” she coos. “You’re safe, baby. Mama loves you.” She repeats this over and over, almost like a chant. Faith does not turn towards her, but slowly the tension begins to leave her body. Without any warning, she begins to sing, of all things, the theme song to the Golden Girls.
Thank you for being a friend
Travel down the road and back again
Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidante.
She gives Regina the briefest of glances and she joins in for the next part. This routine has been repeated hundreds of times over the years. She knows very well which part she is supposed to sing along with and when she is supposed to be quiet.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see, the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
Regina quiets down and Faith finishes the song by herself.
Thank you for being a friend.
The song is repeated several more times until Faith begins to yawn.
“Are you sleepy, baby? Would you like to go lie down?”
Faith does not answer her, but she stands up and heads to the stairs. She stops at the foot of them and this is Regina’s cue to walk up with her and tuck her in. As Emma waits for her to come back downstairs, she brews a pot of tea in the kitchen.
When Regina returns, she hands her a cup of tea without a word.
“Got anything stronger?” Regina jokes and the moment is so patently them, that for a moment the years fall away and they are just Emma and Regina again.
“Regina,” Emma begins, but Regina puts up a hand. She needs time to recover after an episode. Emma understands and they bring their tea into the living room, drinking quietly and enjoying each other’s company.
At last, Regina puts her mug down. She knows Emma is waiting for her to speak, but she has no idea where to begin. Without warning, Emma pulls her into her arms and Regina melts into the embrace. It has been so long since anyone has touched her with any sort of gentleness that it is suddenly impossible to hold her need in.
Without thinking about what she is doing, she pulls back from Emma’s arms and kisses her. The kiss lasts only seconds before she stops, horrified at what she has done.
“Oh god, Emma. I’m sorry,” but Emma just pulls her back in for another kiss. This one lasts longer and when it is over, Emma flashes her famous mischievous grin.
“Don’t be sorry,” she says. “I’m sure as hell not.”
Regina sits back in relief. Emma watches her for a moment and then says, “Lie down.”
She hesitates. “Emma….” She says, unsure of how to phrase it.
“It’s just for a massage,” Emma explains. “You look tense as hell.”
Regina lies down on her stomach and Emma begins to rub her shoulders. Nothing in her life has ever felt this good.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Emma asks.
For a few minutes Regina is quiet. Then, as she relaxes under Emma’s gentle touch, it all comes out. How badly she wants to help her daughter. How useless she feels in the face of her rage. How frightened she is for both of them. She describes all the therapies she has tried and how she just wants to love Faith without second guessing every decision she makes.
She talks about how she is brought back to being restrained by Cora every time she is forced to wrap her arms around Faith and not let go. That she feels so guilty because she knows, she knows, how frightening it is to be prevented from moving. Still, after the second concussion that resulted from Faith’s headbanging, she just doesn’t know what else to do.
Emma listens quietly, not saying a word. Her mind is filled with things she wants to say, like how Regina is doing such an incredible job and how she is just in awe of her, but somehow, she knows this would not be appreciated. So, instead she just listens.
When Regina quiets at last, she asks the question that is burning at her mind. “Do you think that maybe Faith needs more help than you can give her?”
Regina glances up at that and while there are tears in her eyes, her voice is steely. “She’s my daughter, Emma. I could no more give up on her than I could on Henry.”
They both fall silent for a moment at that, thinking of their college graduate, out there in the world.
Emma pauses for a moment, then continues to rub Regina’s back and shoulders. “Robin?” she asks.
Regina grimaces at the question, the familiar guilt twisting in her gut. “He never laid a hand on me. This town treated him so badly and he never said a word in his own defense. I never spoke up for him either.”
Emma nods. “He did leave,” she points out and that is true. Robin did leave her, but Regina has never faulted him for that. Robin, in so many ways is like her father. So good at soft words of comfort and so thoroughly useless at everything else. She may not blame him for leaving, but she has no desire to bring him back, either.
“He always thought that I adopted her as part of my redemption. Some sort of penance, to make up for the fact that I caused you to grow up in the foster system.”
“Did you?”
She sits up at that and looks Emma in the eye. “I’ve done a lot of things for my redemption, Emma,” she says. “But this is not one of them. I adopted her because I knew we were meant to be together. I love her.”
Emma thinks about this and thinks about how lonely the last few years must have been. “Regina,” she asks. “Why didn’t you ever tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell me?”
At last Regina breaks down. She has no idea how to describe the shame of not being able to keep her child safe or the paralyzing fear that if she tells anyone the truth, they will take Faith away from her. There are no words to explain it and so she just cries as Emma holds her.
When at last she calms, Emma kisses her again and interlaces their fingers. “You’re not going to do this alone anymore,” she says firmly. “I’m here now.”
“Emma,” she tries to explain. “I have no energy to put into a relationship. Nothing left to give.”
Emma silences her with a kiss. “You’re not going to give anything. For once, Regina, you are going to let yourself accept.”
‘Accept what?’ she wonders and though she does not ask the question out loud, Emma seems to understand.
“Accept support. Accept love. I love you, Regina.”
Love. The idea is so foreign. It has been so long since anyone has told her they love her. She isn’t sure she has any idea how to accept love anymore, but she knows she loves Emma. She can feel the truth in that, as well as she knows her own name.
“Regina?”
She knows what Emma is asking, that she wants to know if Regina will let her.
“Ok,” she whispers.
Emma smiles and holds her close once more. Closing her eyes, Regina allows herself to breathe.
The future is still uncertain, but right now at this very moment, she has Emma Swan. And that is enough.