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It was dark. It was always dark. Dark enough that it took a decent amount of time to become adjusted to what little light there was. And then…
He wished he was blind.
Such savagery on display from every creature around. Sentient or not, human or seraph, there was so much death and pain. Agony, blood being spilt for no other obvious reason than sport. Seraphs turning to dragons and humans succumbing to their darkest desires.
Really, it didn’t matter that it was an obvious nightmare because Sorey had seen it through Maotelus. Acts committed by Heldalf echoing through the mind of the seraphic Lord. Even if Sorey had cut himself off from the world, Maotelus had not. The more the dragon stirred, the more the horrific memories would be dragged to the surface.
Locked together as they were, the echo was unavoidable. Sorey couldn’t even recall how many times he’d lived through the nightmare until it simply stopped.
Being brought back to reality had dredged up the painful nightmare. There were so many things that continued to bounce back, surfacing despite the fact Sorey was no longer connected with Maotelus. Even worse was that they didn’t decrease in intensity, the memories that weren’t his own just as upsetting as they were the first time.
Except…
Sorey felt Mikleo’s presence beside him and the horror coursing through the water seraph. Where he’d once always been alone in his nightmares, the one who shared his soul would now find himself there with him.
Before Mikleo could say anything, both of them jolted awake with similar gasps. Mikleo was the one who was still trapped in the nightmare’s thrall, amethyst eyes wide and wild. Tears fell from the other’s eyes which only made Sorey’s heart ache all the more for him.
He felt Mikleo jump as he put his hands on his lover’s shoulders. “What was that?” Mikleo whispered.
“It was just a nightmare.” The words Sorey had always repeated to himself. How he hadn’t hellionized himself from the same paralyzing terror that Mikleo felt was beyond him.
“Not…not yours, right?” Mikleo asked, his voice still hushed. “It felt so real. I’ve had dreams that felt real but never like that. It didn’t feel like a nightmare, it felt like a memory.”
Unlike Lailah, Sorey knew better than to give even a hint of what had happened. Though, he supposed that it largely didn’t matter now. Still, he pressed his lips together and ducked his head as he saw the despair in Mikleo’s face. The water seraph rightly wanted answers, none of which Sorey could put voice to. At the least, Mikleo was good at reading between the lines and he let out a heavy breath as he nodded.
“I get it. That isn’t your nightmare.” Mikleo wrapped his arms around himself, still obviously shaking from the images he’d been bombarded with. “You know that we’re both under your vow now. I think you can tell me things.”
“I’m sorry. This is another reason I held off from our seraphic union,” Sorey admitted, getting closer to Mikleo so he could put his arms around his lover. “I didn’t want you to be a part of those memories. That was the first time that’s happened since we’ve been together like this. So much for thinking it was gone.”
Mikleo shifted in Sorey’s embrace, looking up at him with worry. He’d stopped shaking and the terror was finally gone from his eyes. “Did that happen often when you were with Maotelus?”
It was the first time that Sorey had been directly questioned about his time with Maotelus. The sensations he got when he wanted to answer were, to put it bluntly, unpleasant. Over time, he’d started to understand why Lailah had fallen into her habit of talking about random things when it was likely to break her vow. No matter how hard he tried, saying anything in response cost him some serious effort and it would have been so much easier to do what Lailah did.
With difficulty, Sorey finally managed the smallest of nods. “We may share the same vow but it still holds its power over me.” He let out a soft breath and put his forehead on Mikleo’s, closing his eyes. “It must be different depending on who the vow is with.”
The water seraph hummed softly before all but climbing into Sorey’s lap, pressing himself close with a shaky sigh. “I don’t know how you didn’t turn into a dragon yourself with something like that in your mind.”
Simply shaking his head, Sorey wrapped his arms around Mikleo and leaned closer. He closed his eyes and let the feeling of security take him out of the lingering feelings of terror. “I think Maotelus protected me as much as I protected him. Now that I don’t have his protection, I’m worried you’re the one most at risk.”
Where he would usually complain about the suggestion, Mikleo merely hummed his agreement. That didn’t make Sorey feel any better about the situation, though he supposed it was a little too late to worry about it. They’d made their pacts together and would face whatever that meant together. Even so, Sorey remembered when he’d made the argument with Lailah about how Mikleo was “different”. It’d been hard to even accept him as a Sub Lord knowing that a single misstep could ensure that he’d never see Mikleo again.
“I don’t have any regrets and I don’t want any from you, either.”
Mikleo’s voice made Sorey jump slightly, pulling away and looking up at his lover’s disgruntled face. Despite how serious things were, Sorey couldn’t help but chuckle and smile at the familiar feelings he could sense between them. That didn’t stop him from feeling guilty and angry at himself for what had woken them up.
“Can’t I worry? It’s another thing I didn’t tell you about before we went into this,” Sorey said, frowning deeply.
Rolling his eyes, Mikleo sat back and fixed the other seraph with a gentle glare. “You can worry, I can’t stop you from doing that. What I can do is tell you to not let it consume you.”
Not given a chance to respond, Sorey felt hands on his cheeks and he was forced to look up at Mikleo. He felt something hitch in his throat as he simply looked at his lover in the pale moonlight. The glare turned to amusement, Mikleo’s soft laugh making Sorey smile.
They both simply basked in each other’s presence for a while, soft kisses and hums helping them to relax. With their union, there was less of a need for words. It was no replacement for physical contact and they both always felt that they had so much time to make up for. From being shy about their relationship to being forcibly separated, it was difficult not to want the freedom to be together.
Eventually, the two tilted to one side, bodies pressed close together. Mikleo nuzzled under Sorey’s chin, letting out a contented sigh. “Sorey, when we were younger, why did you tense when you saw me sometimes? You and I grew up together so I thought it was strange.”
Of all the questions he could have gotten, that was the last one he expected. It threw him off guard for a moment before he laughed softly. “I figured out how I felt for you early on, you know. Each time I thought I could admit it, I’d see you and think twice about it.” He shrugged, grimacing slightly. “It was a human way of thinking.”
“Not exactly,” Mikleo muttered. He put his hand on Sorey’s chest and pushed away slightly so he could look at his lover. “You’ve always worried about me and my own future. Let’s not forget that you were willing to give up intimacy just to be with me. It’s more like your way of thinking.”
Well, that was impossible to deny. From refusing him as a Sub Lord until he had no other choice to denying the union until he felt like he wouldn’t inconvenience Mikleo, Sorey was used to it. He was accustomed to sacrificing himself for everyone, especially Mikleo. All he wanted was for him to be happy. The seraphic union was the most selfish thing he’d done even though it also made Mikleo ecstatic.
“I love you so much, Sorey. You can’t push me away anymore. You’ve always been the one who said that we’ll deal with the problems when we come to them,” Mikleo said. “I wasn’t joking when I said I would rather follow you into death than be separated from you.”
Letting out a gentle sigh, Sorey pulled Mikleo against him once more. “You can be relentless when you want to be. I’m not planning on pushing you away, don’t worry about that. We’ll always work on the problems we have together.” Feeling the surprise from his lover, he chuckled. “Hey, I’m used to the nightmare and you’re not. The least I can do is help you understand it.”
“As much as I’d like to say it didn’t bother me, that was worse than any other nightmare I’ve ever had.” Mikleo paused for a moment as if he wanted to say more, eventually giving up. “I-I think I understand but my tongue and throat won’t work.”
“You know why you can’t talk about it. Even if we share the vow, it’s a powerful one. I think Maotelus may have strengthened it to make sure I didn’t break it by accident.”
“From everything you’ve told me, I doubt that Maotelus would be so strict with his vow. We may be able to share it through our minds rather than saying it out loud.” That made Mikleo pause for a moment as he lost himself in thought. “When you think about it that way, it makes sense. If we share the vow but can’t actually speak about it, we can share it together which is something seraphs normally can’t do.”
“I have to admit that I’ve never thought of it that way. There are so many memories in my mind that aren’t mine now and they’re bound to leak out over time,” Sorey said, sighing.
A hand tapped Sorey’s chest, making him look down at Mikleo’s hopeful eyes. “Don’t worry so much about it. I can take it and you know that. There has to be some happy memories in there somewhere so we’ll hang onto those to get rid of the nightmares.”
It was just like Mikleo to brush aside the things that bothered him. Regardless, there wasn’t much more to discuss between them about the memory-turned-nightmare that they now shared. Relaxing and sharing thoughts was better than dwelling on what they couldn’t change. Now that Mikleo was aware of it, they could tackle it when it came up. Where he’d once been the one trying to protect his lover, the tables had turned and he couldn’t be happier about it.
They lay in silence for a while until Sorey sensed that Mikleo had fallen asleep once more. He pressed a gentle kiss to his lover’s forehead and settled down with a soft breath. It was the first time ever that he really could dismiss the memory as simply a nightmare.