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He was nothing like the Kim Dokja that he had watched for all those years. He wasn't conniving, he wasn't sassy, he wasn't him. Secretive Plotter had belittled Kim Dokja in the past to Yu Junghyeok. He did it to tear them apart, and it hadn't worked. That Yu Junghyeok had already seen the truth in the fourth walls. Secretive Plotter shouldn’t have done that, it was he that hadn’t known the full truth. It was a truth that Secretive Plotter was now coming face to face with now.
The small child would never go into his arms. He would go into Lee Hyungsung and almost everyone else’s, it was only Kim Namwoon that was in a similar position. Kim Dokja had murdered him in the 1864th worldline. He wasn't like Kim Namwoon who was always searching for the child's affection. Secretive Plotter didn't need it, in fact he hadn't wanted it. He had already saved Kim Dokja. They did however need to live together and it would not be ideal if he lived in fear again.
He couldn't stand the way Kim Dokja flinched when he spoke. The way he held his breath Secretive Plotter moved. Was this really the same child who had said "Really!" When he introduced himself? Was it some sort of trauma? He may call the child Kim Dokja but he was the Oldest Dream as well. Someone who had subconsciously watched over his life. Would his nightmares be the same? Would he know what Yu Junghyeok regretted most in his regressions? It would make sense that he would fear Yu Junghyeok.
Kim Dokja had trauma before he even met Yu Junghyeok. His childhood was not the most conducive for trusting men who were violent. It would be better if he moved out. It was enough for him to know his sponsor’s identity. Kim Dokja also had the companions from the 999th round. He did not need his presence in his everyday life, and Secretive Plotter would not fool himself into believing that.
Secretive Plotter pulled out his laptop and looked up one bedroom apartments nearby. He wouldn't abandon the group completely, he would just create some distance. He had wanted to start his search before Kim Dokja came home from school. He scanned the list, majority of the apartments were out of his price range. He already pays a large portion of the rent on this apartment; his budget for another was limited. Maybe he could make do with a one bedroom apartment and downsize his gaming equipment. He had more luck this way and was able to find an apartment that he liked.
Uriel came in the moment Yu Junghyeok began emailing the company. The Oldest Dream was trailing behind her and when he noticed Junghyeok he dipped his head and vanished to his room. Uriel looked at his computer screen and frowned when she saw what was on screen.
"Are you planning on leaving us again? What about Dokja-yah?"
"I am doing this for Dokja-yah, he is scared of me."
Uriel took a measured breath, it reminded him of the woman called Han Suyeong. She would often do this before she berated that 'shitty protagonist' or 'that dumbass Kim Dokja'. Secretive Plotter steeled himself for the upcoming rant he was about to receive.
"Then go to therapy! I mean we already discussed that we wanted to take him. Your first step should not be running away. You are totally pulling a Demon King of Salvation right now. This is your home as much as his. What do you expect him to do when he gets older and has to deal with another person like you? He has to learn to face this type of thing in a healthy manner."
It was truly the Han Suyeong treatment. Berate the listener while suggesting a better alternative. Didn't this Angel love him at one point? Of course she now loved Kim Dokja more, Uriels were built as such. They had discussed therapy for Kim Dokja but were unsure as to approach therapy in a world where the scenarios don't exist.
"Who would even believe us in this worldline to even help?"
"Well I have been in contact with the other worldlines' Uriel and there are therapists who are qualified. With Biyoo's help we can probably get virtual counseling."
"We will do that then."
Secretive Plotter closed his computer while Uriel began to message people.
**************************
"So the Doctor you will meet with will be Doctor Ha Bora, she has experience treating those who undertake the burden of Most Ancient Dream."
"It's only us two today?
"Yeah she said she wanted to meet with parental figures in his life first. Then she want's to have a meeting with Dokja-yah alone, one meeting with all three of us and then a meeting with you and Dokja."
"She will just appear on this screen and she will be able to see us?"
"Yes Biyoo sent this to us for that very purpose."
"She couldn't come here in person?"
"She used a lot of energy trying to save that Kim Dokja."
Secretive Plotter looked at Uriel struggling to put together the computer that Biyoo had delivered to them via her channel. He was grateful for her help as he only knew how to load his games and start a stream. His teammates often made fun of him for it. After a moment she turned it on and clicked on an icon called Zoom.
The app was insufferable. It crashed twice before they could even log in. Why couldn't they just use Google Meet? Even Skype would be better, whatever that meant. Just when he was beginning to give up hope that they would ever be able to access it an old woman appeared on screen. Her mic was muted as she struggled through the same nonsense as they had. If this was a game the servers would have already been retired and turned into something else.
**thump thump***
Dr. HBR: can you guys hear me? Sorry about that some technical difficulties. I never even heard of this program before.
Uriel: Hi Doctor, its lovely to meet you, I am Uriel and this guy is Yu Junghyeok but we just call him SP since we dont want to get him confused with the other one.
Dr. HBR: what funny timing SP, I got back from your other's wedding a couple hours ago.
SP: he got married? Was it Lee Seolhwa?
Dr. HBR: no funnily enough it was Kim Dokja, the Demon King of Salvation one.
Dr. HBR: oh you didn't expect that? Sorry, I have gotten really good at reading your face from the other.
SP: it's fine, I hadn't expected the other to recognize his feelings so soon. He is more emotionally dense than me.
Uriel: and that is saying something.
Dr.HBR: well back on topic, I have heard a little bit about your situation but I would like it if you would explain it to me in more detail.
SP: our Dokja-yah is scared of me. We don't know if it's from childhood drama or if it's from meeting me after 'reading' about what I have done.
Dr.HBR: when he says he is scared of you what are some typical behaviors he exhibit?
Uriel: avoidance and he flinches when SP talks. It becomes more noticeable when he approaches Dokja-yah or tries to touch him.
Dr. HBR: I see and is there someone else he does this around?
SP: he avoids Kim Namwoon but it's more because he dislikes him. Kim Namwoon is someone from the novel KDJ detested so much, he killed him in the first scenario.
Dr.HBR so it's not because he is scared
Uriel: yes
Dr.HBR: what are some proactive steps you have taken with Dokja-yah. For example any discussions you have had about it, or any steps to make sure he feels safe?
Uriel: we haven't had a discussion with him about it. We weren't sure as to how to broach the subject without making him relive some sort of trauma.
SP: steps that I have taken to make sure he feels comfortable around me are making sure I dont raise my voice, I ask permission now in order to touch him or his things. I am very mindful of him.
Dr.HBR so you give him control over your interactions with him and his possessions.
SP: yes.
Dr.HBR: I am going to run through some other behaviors or symptoms associated with trauma in children. Let me know if Dokja-yah shows any of this okay.
-difficulty falling asleep
- difficulty staying asleep
-Nightmares
Uriel: he has all three of those usually jihye, hyunsung, or I stay with him. Especially on nights when it is extremely bad.
Dr. HBR: any problems with wetting the bed or bathroom issues in general?
SP: No, he doesnt wet the bed or has any issues with the bathroom.
Uriel: When he has nightmares it's like sleep paralysis. You can tell how bad the dream is by how rigid and tense he is. On more normal nights he tosses and turns.
Dr.HBR: no bathroom issues but pretty severe sleeping issues. Okay I am going to start on the next list are you ready?
SP: Yes
Dr.HBR: -rapid eating
-lack of satiety
-food hoarding
-loss of appetite.
SP: he eats very little at the dinner table but other KDJ was like this as well. He would eat only a little and then would eat snacks from his jacket pocket. Dokja-yah does something similar he has a snack pack in his bookbag for school. I didn't think anything of it.
Dr.HBR: it's more than likely a learned behavior from their childhood.
Uriel: please give me a moment to find some tissues. I cant stop crying.
SP: it's okay Uriel
Dr.HBR: do we need to take a minute, I only have one more section.
Uriel: I can do it. We can do it for him.
Dr.HBR: last four. They are
-hypervigilance
-aggresion -
anxiety
-exaggerated response.
SP: he struggles with the first and third ones. He doesn't watch tv, he watches the front door.
Uriel: who hurt my Dokja-yah this badly? *she leaves crying*
SP: give her a moment this is hard for her.
Dr.HBR: not hard for you?
SP: I have a little bit of background knowledge on Kim Dokja, so I knew to expect a little bit of this. Do you think we could ask older Kim Dokja about his past?
**uriel returns***
Dr.HBR: to answer your question SP, KDJ has given me permission to discuss with you about his past and the things he suffers from, but I think it is better to think of the two as separate as possible.
Uriel: I am back
Dr.HBR: okay we are down with the lists for now. You guys have mentioned that you are unsure as to how to start a conversation and so I would like to give some advice for this. Ms.Uriel you have said that Dokja-yah is closest to you and so I would like you to begin this discussion. Talk to him about meeting with me. Introduce me to him and say that I am a doctor that is just going to talk to him. SP for the next three days after our discussion I would like you to act as you usually do and record the time and behavior he exhibits around you. I would also ask that you keep track of any behaviors I listed above or any other behavior you think is a habit or unusual. I do have one request and that is that when you talk to Dokja-yah squat to his level. Try not to talk to him above him. After I evaluate him in person I can give you a more detailed analysis and we can move forward on helping Dokja-yah. If you have questions email me at [email protected] unfortunately we cant reach each other via phones but the equipment Biyoo gave you should be able to call me. We are going to work through this and remember, do not take any behavior personally. It isn't your fault.
Uriel: thank you Dr. Ha.