Work Text:
Today could not have gone worse.
First the thunderstorm. He hated thunder, it was far too loud. He covered his ears curling into a tight ball.
It was all too similar to a gunshot. It was too loud. The bullet hole that had since healed aches. He whimpered as the world shattered around him.
Tonight was a bad night for Andrew so he was across the room in his own bed. Sleeping through the storm without a care in the world, somehow.
Neil scrambled to find his MP3 player, shoving in the earbuds and burying himself in the sheets.
When he woke up again, Kevin tested his patience.
Neil was going to make them late, apparently. How could he have been so careless to sleep through the alarm, Kevin demanded. Scolded him for taking too long to get dressed.
Neil kept his headphones in on the ride over. He could feel Andrew watching him. Neil didn't dare take out his headphones and hear Kevin, just to talk to Andrew.
Then it was the Exy gear. Neil didn't mind changing in front of his teammates anymore. He realized how much they went out of their way to not look.
He put on the Exy gear, feeling tears prick his eyes. The sensation was almost unbearable. He tugged at it helplessly. He was quickly drawing more attention then he cared for.
“Just hurry up and get dressed,” Kevin said, patting Neil on the back as he walked past.
Andrew looked torn between throttling Kevin and comforting Neil. Neil was rigid, frozen in place. He masked it all best he could, pulling on the jersey and grabbing his helmet.
He slammed his locker shut, following after Kevin.
Exy usually calmed him down so he didn't think twice about it. He didn't think about how frustrating Kevin Day could be.
And how little tolerance he had when he’d already been overwhelmed today. And it was only seven.
“No, you've got to move your elbow up higher,” Kevin said, marching over to him. He went to help adjust Neil’s position and Neil jerked away hard.
“Are you injured?” Kevin asked.
Words were getting harder, his thoughts blurring. His stick clattered to the ground--and it was so fucking loud. He couldn't get the helmet off. His fingers scrambled to unhook the strap under his chin.
Then someone else asked what was wrong. Neil couldn't tell who. It didn't matter.
He got the helmet off throwing it aside and pulling at his practice jersey. He felt like he was drowning in the arm armor, the jersey. Too much. Too much.
“Neil, calm down. I just touched your arm--”
“Shut up,” Neil signed, sitting down.
He heard someone moving. The echo of footsteps too fucking loud. Neil was torn between getting his gloves off and covering his ears.
And then Andrew was there in front of him. He didn't say anything. He watched him. He signed numbers, skipping over the ones Neil didn't like. A distraction.
Neil watched. He tugged off his gloves and put his fingers in his mouth, biting down hard. He rocked back and forth gently.
“Hey, hey,” Andrew said quietly, gesturing for him to take the hand out of his mouth.
Neil shook his head. “I need…” He tugged at his uniform. “Off.”
Andrew nods. “Go change. I'll hold them off. Make something up.”
“I want to tell them,” Neil managed. “After.”
“If that's what you want.”
Neil nods. Andrew hands him his stick and helmet. “Go change, rabbit.”
Neil turned to go. He walked out of the plexiglass doors. Wymack, who knew about Neil after overhearing Neil’s confession to Andrew, opened up the door to let him go.
Kevin was yelling for Neil to come back and practice wasn't over. He heard a chorus is questions, his teammates telling Kevin to fuck off.
Neil scrambled to get out of his gear, throwing it on the ground and pulling out Andrew’s hoodie. It was so much nicer than his gear. It was soft and smelled faintly of cigarettes. Neil inhaled the scent slowly.
He dug around in his bag to find one of the stim toys Bee had gotten him after a bad episode. Andrew had been unable to help him and called Bee, unsure what else to do. Bee offered her best advice to them both and ordered the tangle for Neil.
After calming himself down, he put away the tangle and walked back out to the court. Wymack looked over him as he stepped next to him.
Andrew spotted him across the court. The others slowly turned to look at him.
“You don't have to, you know,” Wymack said next to him.
Neil shrugged. “I think it'd be easier. It won't be the last time it happens. And I'm here to stay now…” he said quietly.
He opened up the court door as Andrew took off his helmet, walking over to him.
“Are you alright?” Andrew asked.
Neil nodded.
“Neil,” Matt said from his right, taking off his helmet. “What happened?”
Neil looked down at the court floor. He pressed his lips together, pulling the sleeves of the hoodie over his hands. He thought of the best way to say it.
“It was sensory overload. It was almost a meltdown. It happens sometimes,” Neil said, voice shaking, “because I'm autistic.”
He felt so small. Sounded so small.
How he managed to look Riko in the eye and threaten him--he didn't know. He could only imagine it was something to do with adrenaline, the need to survive. This was different. This was being vulnerable. Being open. He hated it.
“You're autistic,” Dan repeats.
Neil nods.
“But you--”,
“Choose your words carefully,” Andrew said, glaring at the foxes captain.
“Why didn't you tell us,” Renee asked. It was genuine.
“Same reason I lied about everything else. If I showed up everywhere saying I was autistic it'd be easier to find me,” Neil said, looking at her feet.
“But you play fine,” Kevin says.
And he looks...Neil thinks it's anger.
“It's not like my leg is broken. Of course I can play fine,” Neil snaps.
“But you’re autistic. You’re--”
“Kevin,” Nicky hissed. “Don't be so Kevin.”
“What the hell does that--”
“So, the overload. If that happens again, how can we help?” Nicky asks, ignoring Kevin.
“I can usually calm myself down, I just need the space to do it. It's called stimming. Andrew helps...I just need space when it happens,” Neil said, shaking out his hands a little.
Silence fell over them.
“Thank you for telling us,” Allison says.
Kevin was staring at him still.
“God, so what, anytime someone touches you you're gonna freak out? How the hell are you meant to play exy?” Kevin snapped.
“Hasn't been a problem yet, Kevin.”
“A little dramatic, don't you think,” Kevin asked. “All that happened was I touched your arm--”
“You were the final fucking straw. It's been a problem since I woke up. It probably would have just happened later,” Neil said, voice raised.
“Well, now we've wasted all this practice time giving you the fucking spotlight. Just grow up like the rest of us and deal with it!” Kevin growled, storming off. “Fucking [redacted].”
Neil felt his whole body go cold. He stumbled back a step as his vision went white. He heard his teammates moving to keep Andrew back. Renee asked if she could touch him.
She helped Neil sit down so he wouldn't pass out. Neil squeezed his eyes shut. He hated that word more than anything else.
Renee asked what he needed. Water, space, to go back to the dorms. He only needed one thing. Andrew. He sighed Andrew’s name. Renee just stared at him. She didn't understand. He didn't expect her to, but the words wouldn't come out.
He pointed at Andrew who currently had Nicky, Aaron and Matt holding him back from Kevin who was rushing back into the locker room. Renee looked over at him.
He saw the realization on her face. She knew how to fix both issues. Neil’s and Andrew’s.
“Andrew, Neil needs you.”
It was words that calmed Andrew and meant Andrew would come help him. A win-win.
Andrew knelt down in front of him. “I guess that could have gone better.”
Neil laughs quietly, holding out his hand. Andrew took it and squeezed it gently.
“When Kevin's out of the locker room I'll go get changed and we can go. Do you want to come with me or stay here?”
Patient. So patient and understanding.
“Stay,” Neil signs.
“Will you be okay alone?”
Neil points to Renee.
“Renee, can you stay with him?” Andrew asked, looking over his shoulder.
“Sure,” she said, taking a seat next to Andrew on the court floor.
-
When they got back to the dorms, Neil passed out quickly. He was tired from the overstimulation, Kevin triggering him. It was a long morning. Andrew just made sure he was comfortable and sat nearby.
“Is this why you're so protective over him,” Nicky asked from his side of the room.
Andrew shrugged. “Neil’s parents didn't help him out at all. They made him hide who he was. I want better for him,” Andrew admits.
“Softie.”
“Fuck you, Nicholas.”
Nicky rolled his eyes and sat at his desk. “I'm here to help if you need it. You know that, right.”
Andrew nods. “Thank you.”
Nicky looked surprised by the words but just nodded. Andrew looked away, eyes on Neil who was curled up in a small ball, spooning the fluffy blanket Nicky bought him for Christmas.
Andrew wasn't alone in helping Neil anymore. He really could create a better way of living for him. That's all he wanted to do. To make life worth living. Not just surviving