Chapter Text
In the six years since it had been pronounced a city state of Wind Country, Episar had thrived.
The streets were clean, the informal housing improved with electricity and plumbing, and the economy was booming. Trade had increased between Suna, River Country and even Konoha, with the help of a strong ambassador, who currently resided in the little flat-roofed house beside the ninja academy. Just him, two dogs, one ninken and a very grumpy Kankuro who doesn’t like walking up at 7am every weekday for an early morning run.
Groaning, Kankuro cuddled closer into the pillow he was lying on as the smell of fresh coffee and sizzling bacon drifted into their bedroom from the adjoining kitchen. The clicking sounds of three sets of paws padding around the tiled floor awoke him fully from his doze, in time to hear Kiba attempt to quietly dissuade their dogs from eating the breakfast he had made.
“Burger! Get down from there!” The sound of claws hitting the kitchen floor before skidding away to the living room told Kankuro the dog must have gotten away with a slice of meat or two. “You little fucker,” grumbled Kiba. Kankuro smiled into his pillow, eyes still closed. Soon Kiba appeared at the door with two bacon sandwiches and two cups of coffee, so he feigned disgruntlement and flopped over on the bed til he was facing away from the door.
“Oi, lazy bones. Get up,” commanded Kiba, poking him in the butt with his toe. Kankuro just burrowed further into the blankets with a whine of complaint.
“It’s too early.”
Kiba scoffed. “Too early for…bacon? Coffee?” He rounded the bed to Kankuro’s side. But Kankuro only flopped around again to face away from him, hopelessly tangling the sheets around his legs. Kiba placed the plate and mugs down on the bedside table. “Too early for..cuddles?” And then there were hands carefully unfurling the sheets around him and a warm body sliding in behind him. Kankuro pulled the arms that snaked round his middle tighter until Kiba had him in a firm spoon from behind.
“Never,” he said, snuggling back into the warmth of the shirtless man behind him who nuzzled the short hairs at his nape. “But it is too early for running.” He felt the mischievous grin against the back of his neck and he knew what was coming.
“Don’t even think ab-!”
But it was too late. Kiba locked his hands around Kankuro and reared to the side, tugging his struggling boyfriend above him and baring his kicking legs to the cool morning air. Kiba sat up then, abruptly putting Kankuro vertical, and slid him into the space between his legs as he lay back on the headboard. Before Kankuro knew it he was holding a bacon sandwich, which was slightly bigger than Kiba’s own, which already had a bite taken out of it. Accepting defeat, he lay back on his boyfriend’s chest and grumpily gave Kiba a side glare over his shoulder around a mouthful of bread. Kiba just smiled and scrubbed Kankuro’s stubbly head in response. A small bit of grease shone at the corner of his mouth and after swallowing Kankuro leaning behind him and kissed the spot in gratitude.
“Thanks for making breakfast,” he said, while reaching for his cup in confusion. “Although, I thought we were out of coffee.”
“We were. I went and got some last night.” Kankuro hummed in delight. Taking a sip, his eyes widened in delight and he melted back into the warmth. “This is from the Suna Roasters! Ugh, Kiba, marry me, please.”
He took a larger gulp before choking slightly as he felt the body behind him tense. “Sorry,” he said, embarrassed. “I didn’t mean that-I didn’t mean to bring it up. Uh..slip of the tongue.”
Kiba chuckled awkwardly, and Kankuro suddenly uneasy. So he sat forward to take another bite of his slightly larger sandwich. Looking to hastily change the subject, he made an alarmed sound around his breakfast “Why is this so much bigger than yours?!” His mouth was full, his hair was scruffy, he could feel the crusts in his eyes and pillow lines on his face. He must have been such a state, but still Kiba leaned forward and kissed his cheek in assurance.
As if to say, no harm caused.
“Burger got at the bacon, so I gave you the sandwich with more. Eat up! We’re out that door in ten!” He pointed in the opposite direction, his tanned and freckled arm reaching over Kankuro’s head. Kiba was headed towards the bathroom, his own sandwich long gone, leaving him to finish his breakfast and process his thoughts. There was a lump in his throat that the sandwich found hard to get around.
Six years. Six years in Episar, in this happy and thriving city. Six years in this happy and thriving relationship, where he wanted for nothing.
Nothing except that. But Kiba didn’t want that. He didn’t want that at all. He had his reasons, Kankuro respected them. It was fine. They were fine.
“It’s fine,” he decided as he padded into the kitchen to give the half eaten sandwich to the dogs; his own appetite gone.“It’s all good,” he assured them, scratching behind Akamaru’s ear.
—
Lessons at the academy followed their run. The school was well-staffed now. Enough that they only had to teach morning classes, and had the afternoons for ambassadorial duties. It wasn’t like that in the beginning, when they would begin their days training children who were inexperienced in formal education and shinobi technique alike. It was more than a bit chaotic. Teaching as well as managing their village roles dominated their time and in those first two years, they’d often collapsed into bed as soon as they’d gotten home. It was exhausting, and difficult. And had made Kankuro long for the days of solo missions in far away lands. But it was during those times, managing draining day jobs, that they discovered their lives together were better than anything they’d ever had apart.
Kankuro sat in his office thinking on these things, his uncertainty from this morning just a whisper at the back of his mind. A pile of scrolls sat before him, which he’d intended to get through before an evening meeting, but seeing the seal of Suna’s Council he decided he couldn’t face another missive begging him to consider marrying any of the suitors lined up. They’d never stopped pushing their agenda for suitable heirs, but he supposed it was due since they’d never forgotten how he crossed them to support Episar six years ago. It was suitable penance, and considering he lived over a day’s journey from them, one that was easily served by simply not responding to their scrolls.
He passed over it, instead picking up one he’d received from Gaara’s personal hawk a few minutes earlier. His brother’s message was succinct, as usual, but Kankuro frowned as Gaara requested his presence in Suna, if he could spare it, this weekend. But there was no rush, if he couldn’t it would be fine. A small worry shot through him, his brother didn’t usually ask for his counsel so casually.
He’d leave in the morning, he decided, and and try be back for classes on Tuesday considering Monday was for independent training at home. Kiba could handle the weekend alone, no doubt slobbing it up on the sofa with the hounds.
The man in question appeared at his door then. He’d opted out of his usual jacket today, instead wearing a black turtleneck underneath his Konoha vest, hiding the accidental mark Kankuro had left on his neck the night before. He chuckled. Twenty-seven years old and he still liked giving hickeys.
Kiba matched his grin with bewilderment, while unconsciously pulling at the restrictive fabric. “What are you laughing at, loser?”
“A bigger loser. “
Kiba rolls his eyes. “Alright loser, let’s get this meeting over with and head home. I’m beat. Those kids really did a number on me and Akamaru today,” he continued as Kankuro followed him into the corridor. “I had to send him home early to nap.”
“So that means dog hairs on the bed again?”
“When is there not dog hairs on the bed?”
“…This is true.”
“Who are we meeting today again?”
“The son of a River lord I met quite a few years ago. Looking to make a name for himself in the political game no doubt. I don’t even think he has anything to offer us or a deal to make. His father probably sent him to oversee the continuation of our previous agreements. It’ll be over quick enough I’d say. I’ve already pawned him onto Cinta and Nath to entertain him for dinner.”
Kiba sighed in relief, grabbing Kankuro’s hand and swiftly kissing the back of it. “You’re the best,” he said, and Kankuro tugged the same hand over to peck the back of Kiba’s too. It left behind a smudge of purple, which Kiba hastily tried to wipe off before they entered the meeting.
It was a blissfully sweet moment, like one of the many they shared everyday. And, like always, Kankuro wished that he could capture the memory, and store it somewhere for safekeeping. It’s funny that he’d thought that then, as after that day the moment did in fact brand itself in his mind forever.
After that moment, it all went to shit.
—
Kiba had stormed out of the meeting, and then the building, with Kankuro hot on his heels. The Konoha ninja dint ever bother to enter through the front door of their home, instead barrelling through the open bedroom window and setting off their wards in the process. Akamaru vaulted off the bed and into the kitchen, obviously embarrassed at being caught where he wasn’t supposed to be.
“Kiba! You can’t just-“
“Can’t just what?! Enter my own home?! I’m sorry, I don’t even know why you’re here. Shouldn’t you be at dinner with your guest? Best to leave you two to get to know each other better, hm? I mean, obviously, that was the point of the meeting, right?!” Kankuro almost falls stumbling in the window in his shock at Kiba’s words and the temper behind them.
He catches himself on the workbench beneath the window, knocking his current project askew on its perch. “Uggh, dammit. Kiba, obviously I don’t want to get to know him better! The Council must have sent him, I got a scroll this morning but I didn’t bother to read it.”
“They still send you those?” Kiba ripped off his vest and threw it on the ground near their half-filled laundry basket. Frustration was dripping off him in swathes, and he grit his teeth as if to stop himself from sinking his fangs into his own lip. He growled and turned to face Kankuro. “He was all over you!” A clawed finger was pointed accusatory into Kankuro's face, sending his own hackles raising.
“Get that finger out of my face, Kiba!" He swatted it away. "He barely leaned close! You really need to chill out!” He dropped his scrolls from his back onto their hook on the wall. When he turned back, Kiba was still facing him, but shaking his head profusely.
“No,” affirmed Kiba. “No, this is more that some diplomat hitting on you, or me. We’ve dealt with that before. He was there with purpose. Why are the council even setting you up with a man? They must have given up needing an heir. Now it’s just anyone more suitable than me. And you-you practically told to him you were single!”
Kankuro mouth fell open with shock. He couldn't believe this was happening. The lord they had met was extra forward than he was used to, and kiba was obviously angry about that. But that wasn't Kankuro's fault. Not even a little bit. “I did no such thing! I told him I was in a committed relationship. What he thought to say afterwards is entirely up to him, and little does he know he’s ruined his political career here with his rudeness. As if I’d entertain him again.”
Kankuro attempted to soothe his boyfriend, reaching out to wrap his hands around him, but he was cast off. It wasn't working. The most frustrating thing about arguing with Kiba is his penchant to circle back to the same issue, not matter how much Kankuro refuted it. And Kankuro isn’t up for that right now, especially after the disastrous meeting. The River lord had been incredibly obvious in completely disregarding Kankuro’s relationship with Kiba as nothing more than a dalliance.
“So, when he asks you how serious we were,” starts Kiba, whirring in on Kankuro who was tidying his workbench. Anything to escape this conversation without actually leaving the room. “You decide the right thing to do is imply we’re not set in stone.”
Kankuro froze. He turned to regard Kiba with a frown. “He asked if we were planning on getting married,” said Kankuro carefully as an all too familiar lump set itself in his throat.
“You told him we weren’t planning on getting married.”
"But we a-aren't?"
"But why did you tell him that?"
Kankuro pressed his closed fist to his forehead and paused to take a breath before he answered. “Look...I told him exactly what you told me. We aren’t planning on marrying. You don’t believe in it, and I’m okay with that. I’m very happy with our lives the way they are, and it isn’t my fault that others don’t respect that.” The words were forced out with strain, betraying how much they actually bothered him.
Kiba’s nostrils just flared, as he refused to back down. “You could make more of an effort to tell him how committed we are!”
“But I did tell him we were committed!” Kankuro’s astonishment morphed into anger now.
“You could have tried harder," Kiba spat, with a look of such displeasure that Kankuro could see his fangs right up to his gums with how much his lips curled up. He couldn't meet Kankuro's eyes. It was almost as his Kiba blamed him.
Oh.
Did he blame him?
The fight left Kankuro somewhat, layering in a bone-deep weariness. He tried to approach Kiba, reaching out to grasp his hands around his upper arms again, seeking to provide assurance as well as take his own. But but he’s cast off as Kiba goes to sit on the bed instead.
It hurts. This isn’t his fault. It isn’t his fault that the lord was so impudent. It isn’t his fault that he wants to marry the love of his life. And it definitely isn’t his fault that Kiba doesn’t want to marry him. He just doesn’t like the sacrament of marriage.
And that’s fine.
But this argument is starting to wound, so he wanted to end it before someone goes too far. Kankuro groaned in frustration of his own. “Look, just forget it. You’re right, I’ll just try harder next time.”
“Next time? So you aren’t going to reject the council?”
“I reject them all the time.”
“All the time?”
“As long as I’m not married, they’ll never stop. ”
“As long?...So you’re holding out until someone comes along who will marry you? Or are you just going to keep trying to change my mind?” Kiba eyes are bright and his words are cutting. "Because I have news for you, it's not going to happen. You'll just have to accept that or-or-"
Kankuro stood back. "Or? Or what, we're through?" Kiba looks away again, but Kankuro can see the surprise on his face too, as if he just can't believe he made the ultimatum. The rest of his words slip back down his throat as soon as they form, unable to get past his lips, as if self-preservation is kicking in and anything he says will be doomed to hurt later.
But the silence stretched between them like a great desert of scorching sand, with no hope of an oasis along the way. But Kankuro knew how to traverse a desert, so he started with the word that ached the least. “Kiba-“ But it croaked out as if forced from his throat. Kankuro has been nothing but accepted of Kiba's wishes, despite his own, and the betrayal here feels too much. The fact of the matter is that Kankuro has harboured this guilt over wanting to marry his boyfriend for a year now, and Kiba was the one who gets to act like he's been wronged despite the fact that he's done nothing to deserve it. Anger coursed through him at the thought, that Kiba would do this to him, to them, over petty jealousy?
He steeled himself. "No...you know what? You’re being such a dick right now. As if you think I’m waiting for someone to marry me…because really, are you kidding me right now?! I want to marry you because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want people to know I’m yours, and that you’re mine. But you don’t want it and I’ve made my peace with that. But please recognise the situation you’re putting me in here. If people ask if I’m married what do you actually expect me to say? I’m not. You can’t have it both ways. That’s not fair on me, and you know it. You’re the one who wanted things this way.”
There isn’t a beat before Kiba was up in his face. “Oh, so this is my fault? Because I don’t want to repeat my parents’ mistakes? ”
Confusion crossed Kankuro’s face. “What? Wait-“
“Because I thought I made this clear to you that it wasn’t something I wanted. Ever.” Kiba folded his arms at this, and nodded his head as if to confirm it to himself.
“Wait, wait, wait…Hold on,” Kankuro’s mind is whirring. His hands rose as if to placate a spooked horse. “Whoah. Just to back track here. A mistake? I thought you just didn’t like the idea because of your parents’s divorce and it’s affect on you. But…you actually think marrying me would be a mistake?” Kankuro voice cracked as his mouth forms the word, the lump in his throat has finally won the war with his voice.
And the gravity of the statement comes down on the room like a ton of bricks, filling their home with choking dust and the weight of their quarrel.
“That’s not what I said.” Kiba stood again but paused his approach at the sight of Kankuro’s mournful face. But it didn’t stop his resentment. “I knew it,” he said, quietly aghast. “I knew you were still hung up on this! I knew it wouldn’t be enough! Kankuro, look at all the sacrifices I’ve made for you! I’ve uprooted my life and left my country and family behind, all for you! You’re going to ruin what we have here because you want more from me? How ungrateful-“
“Ungrateful?!
“Yeah, ungrateful! What have you sacrificed for us? I’ve given you everything!” Their shouts echoed through their home, and the dogs finally rounded the corner of the bedroom door at the commotion, sensing distress in their owners. Burger whined and scurried over to pace between them at their feet. Jelly jumped up to paw at Kankuro’s thigh for attention. The dog’s soft ear found his searching fingers, and he finally released the sniff he’d been holding back.
He took a shuddery breath. “So what if I want to marry you? At least I’m not a coward.”
Kiba growled. “At least I’m not trying to force someone into a relationship they don’t want…or have you really forgotten what that feels like?”
The dust settles, and Kankuro stared unseeingly around their bedroom.
Their home of six years.
Their dogs.
Their life.
He swallowed around the lump. “So, you’d be forcing yourself to marry me, like I had to do with Cinta. That’s what you’re insinuating. Chaining yourself to me for the rest of your life. You’d be trapped…c-caged. How awful that would be,” he choked as his throat cramped even more. A tear finally escaped the confines of his eye and rolled down his cheek.
As if sobering up, Kiba gasped and moved towards him. “Kankuro, no I didn’t-“
It was Kankuro's turn to step back and out of his reach. Kiba’s hands were outstretched, with a look on his face as if he’s just dropped something precious and fragile and doesn’t really know how it happened.
Kankuro closed his eyes, afraid to look into those across from him. “I-I’m sorry that the thought of committing to me is such a confinement for you, and yet such a dream for me.”
“Kankuro, I’m sorry. There are other ways. Come here, please. I just meant-”
But Kankuro had had enough.
“-No, you’re right. I’m not going to be able to get past this now,” he reached up to grab his scrolls once again, taking the chance to rub his watery eyes and nose with his sleeve. He moved towards the window and perched up on it. Allowing himself one look back, he takes in Kiba’s heartbroken and shell-shocked expression. “Y-You saved me from marriage before…allow me to save you from this one.”
Then he left.