Chapter Text
The bridge fell silent for a moment after the captain ended the Admiral’s comm. No one had fully expected this plan to work. After all, they’d had far more logical plans fall through over the years and traveling through a Borg transwarp hub had never crossed anyone’s mind. Finally, Kathryn took a seat in her chair.
“All hands, this is the Captain. Let me be the first to say, welcome home! I know we’re all very anxious to talk to our loved ones again; but, let’s keep quiet until we’ve gotten clearance from Command. Memo’s will be sent out soon with more information. Congratulations!” Kathryn sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “Commander, I’m going to start dealing with Command and find out what we need to do for clearance. You have the Bridge.”
Chakotay nodded, half hearing what she had said through the shock of the moment. He turned when he felt Seven’s gentle touch on his arm.
“Commander, if I could have a word with you for a moment? I believe I have a few things of importance to discuss with you in regards to our return, things which need to be disclosed rather soon.” she said quietly, her eyes following Captain Janeway to her ready room.
“Alright, I’ll meet you in Astrometrics in a few minutes.” he replied. He wondered what she could have to tell him that was so important. She was probably just concerned about their sudden return home and needed advice. He had volunteered himself as a mentor and a practice dating partner after the Doctor had come to him with concern about Seven’s endeavor to rediscover more of her humanity. Their return would definitely expedite that process.
Chakotay walked to the engineering stations, taking a cursory glance at the damage Voyager had taken through the Hub. They were going to need some major repairs or some towing assistance to make it back to Utopia Planitia.
“Harry, can you start some repair crews on the most vital ship functions? I’d like to get home relatively soon and we aren’t in any shape to do that right now.” Chakotay said, turning to the ensign.
Harry nodded and began to type away at his console. Satisfied that the only emergent issues were dealt with, Chakotay looked at Tuvok, “You have the Bridge.” he said and walked to the turbolift.
Lost in thought, Chakotay suddenly found himself at the doors of Astrometrics. He found Seven alone, searching through files on a console. Once he had entered, she called for a privacy lock.
“Seven? What’s wrong? What are you doing?” he asked. This definitely seemed like something more than nervousness about returning to Earth.
“Commander, I believe I possess private information regarding the personal affairs of one of the members of the crew and I do not know how to proceed because I never should have had access to it in the first place. I chose to speak to you because it directly concerns you and I cannot go to the person directly right now. Additionally, the Admiral raised some concerns regarding this situation which I am not sure how to deal with and I am beginning to feel rather overwhelmed.” she said, concern filling her voice.
Yes, this was definitely more than homecoming nerves, “Okay Seven, slow down. What situation are you referring to and how does it involve me?”
Seven turned back to the console and pulled up a report from two years into their journey. “When I was still part of the Borg, I hacked into the systems on the ship, do you remember that?” At his cautious nod, she continued. “You all stopped me; however, I still remember much of the information I had assimilated. I realized quite a while ago that some of the data I accessed were personal logs of various crewmembers. Most of it is superfluous information about a planet you visited or shore leave. However, I also accessed one of the Captain’s logs… from after your return from your quarantine on the planet.”
“Seven, I’m still not sure how this involves me and, if it does, it might not be a good idea for you to tell me what was said. It wouldn’t be appropriate to share the Captain’s personal log entry.” he said.
“I understand your concern; however, the Admiral’s visit made me aware that there may be a gross misunderstanding within the crew. She was under the impression that we were in a relationship and she claimed that in her timeline, the two of us were married. I fear she may have shared that information with the Captain, which is why this log is of such importance. Commander, I have sufficient evidence to conclude that the Captain is in love with you and I do not wish the Admiral’s deception to hurt her.”
Chakotay felt as though he had been hit by a shuttle at warp. What did she mean the Captain was in love with him? She must have misunderstood something she read. Even if she hadn’t, there was no way Kathryn still felt that way. “I-, I think you must have misunderstood something. I don’t think the Captain is harboring any ‘secret’ feelings for me. We are very good friends and we work well as a command team.” he said after he found his voice.
Seven rolled her eyes, “I did not ‘misunderstand’ anything, Commander. The Captain clearly states: I wish I could have told him I felt the same. I wish I could have said more, done more, than simply sit across a table and take his hand. I wish I could have told him that he had given me the same peace I gave him. I can play the recording if you like. I have it loaded on the console.”
“Don’t Seven.” he said with a little more force than was necessary. “That was almost five years ago. Even if she did have feelings for me then, a lot of time has passed. People change. Feelings change. There’s no reason to think she still feels that way.”
“What do you mean? The Doctor says that people try to spend lots of free time together when they have feelings for each other. Do you and the Captain not have dinners together? Additionally, I was under the impression that she invited you to share her time on the Holodeck quite often? And besides, the physiological signs are all there: elevated heart rate, body temperature, and respiration rates. No one else responds that way in your presence. What have I misunderstood?”
Chakotay laughed, shaking his head. “Seven, you make her sound like a teenager with a crush. I can assure you the Captain is not that.”
“I did not say the signs were always there. For example, when you are both working on the Bridge, I have not typically noticed anything abnormal. However, last month when we attended the flower festival on Tremalus Prime, I noticed all of those reactions when you gifted her one of the flowers.” Seven’s voice filled with irritation. “Commander, I do not understand the problem. Your reactions are the same as hers. I assume I do not need to inform you of your own feelings towards the Captain?”
Sighing, Chakotay conceded. “Alright Seven, alright. I believe you. But please, don’t mention this to anyone, especially the Doctor. I’ll handle this in my own time, but it won’t be right now. I will, however, speak to her about what the Admiral said. I agree, I don’t want her bothered by that either.”
He turned to go and then stopped. “And Seven? Thank you for coming to me about this. I hope you know I’m still happy to help you with any questions you have about acclimating to the Alpha Quadrant.”
With that, Chakotay made his way to the turbolift. He needed to clear the air with Kathryn regarding the Admiral and he knew it wasn’t going to be a comfortable conversation for either one of them, especially if Seven’s suspicions were true. He rang the chime at the door of her Ready Room and walked in.
“Hello Chakotay!” Kathryn said with a smile.
He noticed that, though she seemed happy, her patience with the long list of admirals she was dealing with was wearing thin. “How are you doing? Many more admirals to deal with today?” he asked as he called for a black coffee at the replicator.
She smiled and gratefully accepted the mug he offered. “Thank you. No, I pushed the rest of them off until tomorrow. Harry said repairs will take about two days and it’s another two to Utopia Planitia so I have time still. They’ve cleared the crew for moderated contact with their families and given me a list a mile long of forbidden topics. I need to send that out to the crew and clear the ship for outside communications again.” Resting her head in her hands, Kathryn let out a sigh. “I think most of the difficult decisions were made after they learned we were alive and I’ve already been told that the former Maquis members have been cleared. The decisions regarding your provisional ranks are still to be completed and they want more crew reports from the two of us on performances before they decide.”
“Kathryn, take a breath!” Chakotay chuckled. “I’m sure everything will be handled in time, although I must admit it’s nice to know we’re in the clear. For now, we just need to handle our business on the ship and things will fall into place. Speaking of crew duties, I need to complete one of mine- Have you eaten today?” Kathryn rolled her eyes. “Nevermind, I know the answer to that question. Meet me in my quarters for dinner, around 8?”
Kathryn hesitated for a moment, she really should start working on those crew reports. Submitting 140-something reports was a tall task to complete in four days; but, the look in Chakotay’s eyes told her “No” wasn’t going to fly. “Alright. I’ll see you at 8.”
The next hour passed without any incident, something which hadn’t happened in the past few days. Kathryn finished as many reports as she could before names and dates began to blur in her mind. She decided to retire to her quarters and comm her mother. Starfleet would have already informed her of their unexpected return, but Gretchen Janeway understood the chaos that came with captaining a starship and would let her daughter comm her when she had the chance. Kathryn grabbed a quick shower before calling her mom.
“Katie!” Gretchen Janeway exclaimed with tears in her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re home. How are you? Where are you? When can I see you? I’m sorry, I have so many questions! I just can’t believe you're actually home.”
Kathryn felt a tear slip down her cheeks. “Hi Mom! I’m okay but I can’t disclose where we are. Starfleet gave us a very comprehensive list of things we can’t talk about which includes pretty much anything under any solar system’s suns. I really can’t believe we’re home either. It all feels like a dream…”
“I can almost promise you it’s not a dream. I’ll be happy to pinch you when I see you just to make sure.” the older woman said with a laugh. “Phoebe is still in shock. I called her in a panic earlier because Starfleet wouldn’t tell me anything. I got this ominous call to come to Headquarters to discuss a recent development and, next thing I know, I’ve been put up in Starfleet accommodations so I can contact you.”
“Did they tell you how long they want you to stay in San Francisco?” Kathryn asked.
“They said maybe around three weeks… Why? Is that how long you think you’ll be ‘indisposed’?”
Kathryn sighed, “Mom, I couldn’t tell you that, even if I knew.” She looked down at her clock and noticed the time. “Oh Mom, I’ve got to go. I’m supposed to be meeting Ch-, I mean I’m supposed to be having dinner at 8. I’ll comm you again when I have more information, I promise. Love you!”
With that the screen went dark. She knew her mother would be curious as to why she was being secretive about who she was meeting for dinner; however, she didn’t think Starfleet would be very comfortable with the captain having a private dinner with her first officer. Especially after she had spent the better part of the afternoon ensuring various admirals that she had kept to protocol as much as possible in a less than hospitable quadrant. Kathryn walked down the hall and hit the chime at Chakotay’s door. The halls were surprisingly empty for this time of night, but she assumed most of the crew were celebrating in the Mess Hall or Holodecks.
Chakotay breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Kathryn walk through the door in casual clothes. After the way he had dodged her past two dinner invitations, he wasn’t sure she would come as ‘Kathryn’ instead of the Captain. He already had dinner laid out and he noticed her eyes fall on the pink roses he had set in a vase on the table. Hearing her breath catch slightly, their eyes locked, neither missing the significance of the flowers.
That day still haunted his dreams. Kneeling on a desolate planet, lighting and thunder crashing around him as he fought to keep her alive. Sailing on Lake George that night, watching her in the moonlight, was the closest he had come to crossing parameters and telling her how he felt without the guise of any legends. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her how much she meant to him. What it would have done to him if she had died. He wanted to tell her that begging, pleading, for her to keep fighting, to stay with him, had torn a whole in his heart that could never be healed. He didn’t though. He couldn’t.
“Chakotay, it looks delicious.” Kathryn said, choosing not to acknowledge the flowers directly.
He tugged his earlobe awkwardly. “Thanks. Hopefully we’ll only have a few more replicated meals before we get back home. I’ve been afraid to brave Chell’s cooking after the last attempt.”
They both laughed at the memory of the leola root concoction he had created earlier in the week. Whatever awkwardness or nerves that had existed at the start of the night quickly vanished as they ate. Their normal banter returned, though Kathryn always carefully avoided flirting with him as she used to. Once they had finished dinner, Chakotay collected a tea and coffee from the replicator and took a seat on the couch.
“Kathryn, there’s something I think I need to tell you.” he said as he handed her the coffee.
She smiled gently, “Chakotay, I already know. The Admiral told me, and I’m happy for you. You both deserve to be happy.” Suddenly she seemed to be very interested in studying the rim of her mug.
Setting his tea down, Chakotay turned to fully face her. “Kathryn, I know what the Admiral told you; but it’s not true. I’m not seeing Seven, I’m not in love with Seven, and I certainly don’t have any plans of marrying Seven."
“How did you-” she began before he cut her off.
“She came to me today, after we left the transwarp hub. Apparently, the Admiral used the same story with her to convince her that using the hub was a good idea. I don’t know if it was true in her timeline, but I can promise it’s not true in ours.” Chakotay explained, taking her hands gently in his.
Kathryn withdrew her hands, wringing them together. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you if there was any truth in it. I had noticed you had been spending more time together and simply assumed. But why would Seven come to you about it? Why not come to me herself?”
Chakotay thought for a moment. This discussion had to wait. If anyone knew Seven had access to personal reports, Starfleet might take issue with it. And it wasn't as though he would be able to go back to the way things were with her after he told her the true of how he felt. “Kathryn," he sighed, "I don’t think we can continue this conversation right now… Years ago I wrapped the truth in an ancient legend. I won't do that now, but...” Understanding flashed across her face and she stiffened beside him. “I’m sorry. I won’t put you in a difficult situation during the debriefings. We both know we’re going to be under a lot of scrutiny regarding some specific events. But, Kathryn,” she turned and met his eyes, “I want to finish this.”
“Thank you. For everything.” she whispered, placing her hand gently on his shoulder. Kathryn stood and placed her mug in the recycler. “I should probably be going. We’re expected for a joint meeting at 0900 to discuss debriefing schedules.”
And with that she was gone. Chakotay sat on the couch for a while, his head in his hands. She knew. He had all but confessed the truth, but she wasn’t going to admit anything. He was going to have to give her time, but he would wait forever.