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This weekend was going to be amazing. You had planned everything down to the last detail, and there was absolutely nothing that was going to dampen your spirits.
A couple weeks ago, you and Levi had FINALLY started dating. Your confession had been the result of a really awkward text exchange, but it all worked out in the end. Levi was still his shy, introverted self - but he was slowly opening up to you more and more as your relationship became more intimate.
Your current excitement was due to the fact that he had suggested that the two of you go on a trip together - alone - for the first time. He had really shocked you by making such a suggestion, but his reasoning was that if you were alone, he’d be better able to relax since he wouldn’t need to worry about his brothers meddling (especially Mammon). And you agreed - it made a whole lot of sense.
After talking with Lucifer, you had also managed to get permission to turn this into a human realm trip as an extra layer of privacy. Lucifer understood all too well how determined his brothers could be at interfering, so it didn’t take much to convince him that leaving the Devildom was a necessity.
And now the day of your trip had finally arrived and you had just finished checking into your hotel.
Ever the dutiful partner, you had even gone so far as to arrange for your stay to be at a traditional Japanese hot spring inn. The cherry on top being that you managed to reserve a room with its own private open air bath too. You and Levi would get to enjoy the entire inn experience without a single worry in the world about your time together being interrupted. It was perfect.
“This is so amazing!” Levi said, as he bounced around the room, carefully examining all the details, “I never thought I’d actually get to go to Japan! And be here in person!”
You smiled as you watched how enthusiastic your boyfriend was. He was just beaming, and you loved seeing him like that. That smile alone made this entire trip worth it.
When Levi finally managed to pull himself away from his exploration of the room, he saw you had been staring at him and flushed in embarrassment. He knew he had let himself get carried away, but he was so incredibly happy right now he couldn’t help it. Not only was he finally getting some quality time with you, he was living out every otaku’s fantasy date.
The sight of Levi blushing just made you laugh, which of course, only made him blush more. You decided to show him some mercy and slipped your arms around his waist for a hug so he could hide his face if he wanted to. And he didn’t hesitate to either.
“Thank you, this is amazing. YOU’RE amazing,” he said as he pulled you closer and buried his face in your shoulder.
“That’s what I should be saying to you. It was your idea, you know. Thank you for asking me.”
Levi didn’t say anything in response, but instead tightened his grip on you as you did the same. It was such a sweet, quiet moment between the two of you, and you honestly didn’t want it to end.
“Well, I guess it’s time for the main event then, huh?” you teased.
“Th th the what?” Levi lifted his head to look at you, blushing even harder than before.
“The bath silly. You said you wanted to take a bath together,” you laughed.
“Oh. Ha. Right.” You felt Levi relax in your arms. Even though you wanted to tease him a little more about what he had been imagining, you decided to hold off for the time being.
Up until now, your physical relationship had consisted largely of cuddling, kissing, and some very heavy petting. But you had yet to go further than that since Levi seemed to need to take things slow. You were more than happy to accommodate him, of course. You knew how hard he was trying and how much he wanted to be closer to you - he just had a lot of insecurities and a lack of experience to contend with. Just knowing that he wanted to get there was enough to make your heart sing.
Tonight though, was going to be the first time the two of you were naked together. Levi had thought it might be easier since he’d be partially submerged in the water, so it wouldn’t be like you were looking directly at each other. Plus water itself relaxed him. Since you didn’t have any objections, you agreed.
You finally let Levi go and opened up your nearby suitcase, “Here. I’m super picky about towels so I packed my own. I brought robes too.”
You handed Levi a large, fluffy towel and a lightweight, oversized bathrobe, before picking up your own and heading to the bathroom to get changed. While you were gone, Levi quickly did the same.
It wasn’t until he started picking up his discarded clothing off the floor that the reality of the situation finally started to hit him. He was actually naked under that robe. And you were in the next room. Also naked. Maybe even more naked. You might not have even put your robe on yet.
Levi felt his pulse quicken, and his anxiety started to rise. He didn’t have long to think about things however, because you returned just then, bundled up in your robe, and shoved your clothes back into the suitcase.
“Alright, you ready?” you asked, trying hard to contain your excitement. You just couldn’t wait to be able to wrap your arms around Levi and rest your head on his shoulder. You had so much affection you were waiting to give, and now you were finally getting your chance.
Levi didn’t answer you right away, so you took a step closer and took hold of one of his hands, giving it a gentle squeeze, “Hey, why don’t I go ahead and go first? Then you can have a minute to relax, yeah?”
“Mmhmm,” Levi grunted as he nodded his head. Yeah that’s all he needed. Just a minute to take a few deep breaths and to clear his thoughts and then everything would be ok.
“Ok, great.”
You pressed a quick kiss to Levi’s cheek and made your way out of the room to the private bath area outside, leaving Levi alone.
But as soon as you left, his thoughts started to race. Was this really a good idea? Was he actually ready for this? You’d be so close to him. What was he even supposed to do? Hold your hand? Hug you? Could even touch you? Or would that be too creepy? Would you be grossed out if he tried to move closer? Where was he supposed to touch you anyways? Would an arm around your shoulder be too friendly? Would a hand on your thigh be too pervy?
And even if he could figure out what to do with his body, what about you? What were you going to think once you saw him? Would you be disgusted by him? What if he didn’t measure up to your expectations? Were you going to want to touch him too? Would you be fine if all he could manage was holding your hand? What if he disappointed you because he didn’t let you as close as you had hoped?
What was he going to do?
————
It had been 10 minutes since you had come out and removed your robe and climbed into the bath. But you had been prepared for that. You knew how anxious Levi could get, and you saw that he was starting to get a little worked up after changing clothes, which is why you decided to give him a bit of space to collect himself.
But as the minutes continued to tick by, you started growing concerned.
15 minutes had passed now. Maybe you should go check on him? You didn’t want to walk in on him when he could be naked (for his sake), but you were more than a little worried now. After weighing your options, you decided to chance it, and just keep your eyes down low while you walked as a precaution. So you climbed out of the bath, bundling yourself up again in your robe, and headed towards your room.
Once you were standing outside your door, you realized that it was still slightly ajar and hadn’t been slid shut yet. Through the crack you were able to hear what sounded like heavy breathing and the occasional choked back sob. Your stomach instantly fell: something was wrong with Levi.
“Levi?” you called to him, as you stepped inside the room. You didn’t notice him at first, but it didn’t take you long to finally find him with his back to the wall, just beside the doorway. His knees were drawn up to his chest. And he had his head buried in his arms, as he tried desperately to calm himself.
“Levi…” He hadn’t acknowledged your presence when you entered the room, so you weren’t even sure if he was aware of it. Seeing him like that made your heart ache, and you carefully sat down beside him, wrapping your arms around him as best you could.
You sat like that for awhile before Levi finally started talking.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I ruined everything…”
“Hey, Levi, that’s not true. That’s not true at all,” you said, sitting up a little so you could get a better look at him. You started to run your fingers through his hair, something you knew he liked and he found relaxing.
“Yes I do. I did. I am. I ruined this.”
“Why do you think it’s ruined, babe?”
“Look at me. I’m such a loser I can’t even get into a bath,” he said, his voice starting to waver again. He had just got himself to stop crying long enough so he could talk to you, and now he was about to start up again. Why did he ever think he could do this? Why did he think this was a good idea? Or that he could make you happy? He should have just stuck to 2D. He wasn’t cut out for 3D. He’d never be able to make you happy at this rate.
“Hey, we don’t have to do the bath. This was supposed to be fun for you. If you’re not having fun, we don’t have to do it,” you said, speaking softly and gently as you continued stroking his hair, “It’s ok Levi. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”
“How can you say it’s ok?! How is any of this ok?!” he snapped. He had never yelled at you before, and even he was surprised at the sharp edge to his voice. Just another thing he had messed up, he thought.
“Because it is. I promise you it is. I’m not upset with you,” you said.
You then pressed a kiss to the top of his head, resting your brow against him for a moment as you tried to figure out what else you could say to reassure him. When you felt him move slightly beneath you, you sat up, watching as Levi turned his head to the side to look at you from under his bangs.
“How can you be ok with this? This isn’t what we planned.”
“I planned on spending a weekend with you, Levi. That’s all.”
“...but the bath…”
“Was a nice perk. But not more important than you,” you replied. You rested your head on his shoulder and continued to comb your fingers through his hair, your arm draped along his back. He was still so tense, but at least his breathing had evened out some and he was no longer crying so hard.
“Would it help if we kept the robes on?” you suggested after a while.
“....could we?” If he was able to do that, it would eliminate a lot of the very things he was so stressed about. He still felt guilty that his own inadequacy was ruining all your plans, but at least he could do something with you this way.
“Yeah, of course we can.”
You stood up first, then offered Levi your hand to help him up off the ground too. He kept his head down, hiding behind his bangs, so you couldn’t see how awful his face looked. But you weren’t having any of that, and you stepped closer and brushed his hair out of his eyes, before giving him a soft smile.
“That’s better,” you said, cupping one of his cheeks with your hand before kissing the other, “I like seeing your face. You ready?”
Levi gave you a small nod before taking the hand you offered him. You led the way to the bath, careful not to walk too fast and to match Levi’s slow, nervous pace. He was still apprehensive about all this, and hadn’t figured out what he was supposed to do once he was IN the bath. But you would occasionally give his hand a light squeeze as you walked, and it reminded him that he was here with you and that was really the most important thing.
Once you reached the bath area, you carefully climbed in, taking a seat, and then waited for Levi to join you. Very cautiously he climbed in as well, being extra careful to make sure his robe didn’t float up as he got in, and then sat very stiffly a few feet away from you.
“Can I come over there?” you asked.
Levi nodded again so you scooched over until you were next to him. He flinched slightly when he felt you up against him, and then instantly felt ashamed of himself for doing so. But you either didn’t notice or just chose not to say anything about it, and instead raised your hand out of the water, palm up, and offered it to him.
“Can I hold your hand?”
He carefully took your hand in his, as you snuggled up next to him and laced your fingers together. The familiar feeling helped him relax just a tiny bit.
“I don’t know what to do,” he finally admitted, in a small voice scarcely above a whisper.
“That’s ok. You don’t need to,” you replied, resting your head on his shoulder, relaxing and leaning into his side.
Your response left him confused. What on earth was he supposed to do if he didn’t even know? But before he could even try to imagine you what you meant, you continued…
“All you have to do is ask. It’s not like you get bonus points for figuring it on your own,” you said with a laugh, “Just ask me what I’m ok with. Just like I asked you.”
Oh. That...made a surprising amount of sense. But even if that was true, it didn’t solve the problems he was having about wondering what was appropriate and what would creep you out. Was it worth the risk to ask about something when it might just upset you and make you want to never see him again?
“How are you feeling? Is this ok?”, you said, checking in with him. You could tell that he was still anxious with how his leg was gently bouncing next to yours, but at least he didn’t seem quite so freaked out at having you close, which was a win in your book.
“Yeah...I think so.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he said, giving your hand a small squeeze and resting his head on yours.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured.”
“It wasn’t you. It was me. I’m the weirdo that couldn’t even take a bath.”
“You’re not a weirdo because of that, Levi,” you said, lifting the hand you had been holding out of the water so you could press a soft kiss to the back of it, “You have a lot of other things that make you weird, but this is not one of them,” you teased.
Levi laughed softly to himself. Why were you so understanding? He gave your hand a soft squeeze, before finally relaxing and leaning into you. Sitting with you like this wasn’t so bad. Sure it wasn’t the fantasy date he had imagined, but it was still quiet and peaceful all the same. No one there to pop in and surprise you. Nothing around to distract him. Just you and him.
Feeling reassured, Levi decided to take your advice and ask you for something, “Do you...umm...can I hug you?”
“Of course. You can always hug me,” you said, releasing his hand and wrapping your arms around his waist in a sideways hug as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.
That was surprisingly easier than he thought it would be. He felt some more of his anxiety melt away as he held you there, just enjoying the feeling of having you in his arms.
It wasn’t long after that that Levi was finally relaxed enough to talk like normal. The two of you exchanged jokes and laughs. He was smiling again, and your heart warmed at the sight. You had been worried that maybe this entire thing had been a horrible idea after you found him too worked up to leave the room, but he was much more like his usual self now and that gave you hope. All you really wanted was for him to enjoy himself. It wasn’t often you managed to drag him out of the House of Lamentation and you wanted to make the most of it. And even if you may not have grown physically closer during this trip, you knew you had definitely gotten closer emotionally and that Levi trusted you just a little bit more.
After a while, you had started to grow drowsy so you knew it was time to get out and prepare for bed. You still had two more days left of your trip, so you really needed to rest now to make sure you had the energy for all the sightseeing Levi had wanted to do tomorrow.
As you snuggled into your futon, you felt Levi climbing in beside you. You rolled over on your side, tucking one arm under your head as you watched him with a smile on your face. Once he had settled he also turned to lay on his side facing you, and his hand soon found yours, twining your fingers together. Even though it was now dark in the room, Levi couldn’t bring himself to look at you from so close. So instead you wiggled a little closer to him and curled your body towards him until your forehead rested against his.
Despite all the other anxieties he may have, cuddling up to you at night was not one of them. Something about the darkness and the warmth of the blankets made the whole thing so soothing. There wasn’t that fear of feeling like he was being watched either - so even if he was a little flustered it wasn’t as obvious, allowing him to pretend that he was a bit more confident and less of a nervous wreck than he actually was. He wondered if maybe next time he could try things like this...in the dark, next to you, under a blanket.
“...are you sure you’re ok with this?” Levi asked, finally having found his courage. He had been hesitant to ask you again, scared that you might have changed your mind, but he also really did want to know if you were happy right now.
“Yeah, I am,” you said as you lifted your joined hands and kissed his, “Very happy,” you continued, kissing his hand again.
“Even though this is all I could give you?”
That question made your chest tighten. Did he really think this was something you were settling for?
“Levi…” you gave his hand a gentle squeeze, before rubbing your thumb along the back of it, “Cuddling you isn’t some consolation prize,” you said, finding his legs under the covers and tangling them with your own. You couldn’t see it, but he was blushing now.
“I’m really happy I get to be here with you. We have time to figure out all the other stuff later. I’m not in a rush. I just want you. Just like this.” You shifted your body once more so that it was a little closer to his, and unconsciously he did the same, pulling you nearer with his legs, holding your hand just a little bit tighter.
“I know how hard you’re trying, you know. Don’t think I don’t notice it. I do. And that means more to me than anything.”
Levi pulled your arm to his chest, holding it there, feeling your warmth seep into him. You were so warm. As much as he wanted to be ready now, and wanted to impress you, he also truly enjoyed moments like this that made everything else seem so trivial. Why was he even worried so much earlier? You understood him. You didn’t pressure him. You were happy with him how he was. You never asked him to be something he wasn’t. He was safe with you.
“...I love you.”
“I love you too, Levi.”
As Levi started to drift off to sleep, he felt you give him a gentle kiss on the lips and he couldn’t help but smile. You were always so sweet and kind to him, even though he didn’t think he deserved it. He wished he didn’t doubt you, and himself, so much sometimes. And it wasn’t that he was scared of being intimate, he was just so concerned about making himself look foolish or worse, making you uncomfortable. He was still learning where that line was between “ok” and “not ok”, but the more moments like this he had with you the more confident he became. Soon, he was going to make this up to you and show you just how much he loved you, in a way that only he could.