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The room feels so hot in the morning, typical of the start of summer. I take the sheets of, leaving myself –and Baz– uncovered. I roll on the bed, looking for a more comfortable position to keep sleeping, but something makes noise under my pillow, sounds like paper. I open my eyes, taking it out. It's a letter, with my name handwritten in the back.
Probably Baz left it here. Or maybe it was Penny. But why?
Baz moves behind me, awake now. "Morning, love." His breath feels warm in my bare shoulder. "What is that?"
I turn around to face him; his hair is messy, and his face looks puffy at first hour in the morning, he looks lovely like this. I kiss him. "Are you now going to play a fool? I know you left this under my pillow, Baz. I didn't know you were this romantic."
He blushes, but still looks confused, and takes the envelope off my hand. "Well, no, I didn't. Are you sure it wasn't Bunce?" I sit up on the bed, probably I should ask her. "And, Snow, I'm very romantic."
We both laugh. Of course he is romantic, when he wants to. Things have been going better between us, and he's become good friends with Penny, even if no one of them will admit it.
We stay in bed for a while, just cuddling. Baz always feels cold, so I forget the heat that woke me. He spends many minutes kissing my shoulders, as he always does every time he spends the night at mine's and Penny's.
When we get up to prepare breakfast I take the letter with me, and once Penny shows up in the kitchen I ask her about it. She looks as surprised as Baz, and says she didn't let it there.
"Haven't you thought about opening it? Maybe there says who wrote it." Oh. I sit up in the kitchen bar, opening it. There's a golden seal in the front that I don't recognize. I open it, reading out loud.
“Simon Snow Salisbury:"
Salisbury? Why is my name written like that? Or is even the letter for me?
"First of all, I hope you don't get scared when you find this letter under your pillow. I've put a spell on it, and you'll find in the day of your 20th birthday. I hope you get this as a gift, to know who I am and how much I love you.
I'm writing this after the difficult labour of bringing you alive, and I'll go to the afterlife so glad I've at least get to know you. You were born exactly at noon, when the sun reach its highest; you came into my life just like a sunshine.
Even if I wish to, I don’t have so much time left, to see you, to hold you. But even in the other side, I’ll still love you, you’re the son I always wanted and dreamt of.
I’ve never wanted something in my life the way I wanted you. The past nine months you were the only thing in my mind. You have my eyes, the same shade of blue, and your hair is the same colour as your father’s, all bronze. Your golden skin is full of tiny moles, making you look like a small constellation laying asleep in my arms.
Bringing you to this world’s been a difficult labour, but I have no regrets, because I loved you since I knew you were inside me. We’ve been waiting for months to finally be able to hold you. I have to tell you how loved and waited you were. I know Davy –your father– is going to take care of you, he’s a good man, and he will do it fine without me. He’ll make of you the greatest mage, but most of all, he’ll make of you the best man that has ever step on this world.
I gave birth to a boy full of magic, as powerful as fire. This is how I want you to be the rest of your life. Always so kind, brave and strong, the way I used to be (I was also a bit of an idiot –don’t be like that, please, at least not all the time).
It’s been almost ten hours since I first saw you, and I swear there’s such no thing in the world like you. You’re now sleeping so peacefully beside me, so small and so pure. My heart breaks even more of thinking I won’t be able to see you growing up, saying your first words of walking your first steps. I won’t be there to kiss your bruises better, nor scold you when you do mischief. Simon, I’m so sorry for couldn’t be for you when you need me.
The only thing I can promise is that I'll be always with you, in the whisper of the air, in the raindrops and the sun rays. My soul will be with you when you fall in love for the first time, when you feel like you just can't carry on any more, and when your heart gets full of love. I'll kiss your cheek, hoping you'll never be alone. Because you are a part of me, my son, I will always love you even if you can't see me.
When you miss me, you can look up at the stars. I’ll be there, my rosebud boy.
All my love, Lucy Salisbury, your mom.”
Your mom. My mom. I had a mom. And she is dead, she's been for the past twenty years.
The tears running down my face burn my skin, and I'm feeling very dizzy. Baz notices it, and runs across the kitchen to hold me by my waist, keeping me from falling.
I had a mom, and she wrote a letter for me. I hide my face in Baz' chest, while he rubs my back gently. Penny comes over and hugs me too.
I had a mom. And a dad. Where's he? My whole world, everything that I thought I knew, is coming down. All my childhood fantasies about finding my parents someday are broken now.
Lucy –my mom, said something about my dad making a good magician of me. Does that mean I'm not a Normal? Then why I have no magic left? Do I have more family? I think I've heard the name Salisbury before, but where?
The questions start to take control over my head. All the things about me, about my life, have lost any sense –if they had any.
She called me her "rosebud boy". I know I've heard that before too. The night Natasha Pitch was looking for Baz, finding me instead. Does that mean my mom came back, looking for me? She called me her small constellation, too. And the woman I heard that night said something about stars.
My mom really came back for me. And I thought she was someone else.
I don't notice Penny is talking to me until Baz lifts up my head to look at them.
"Simon, everything is going to be okay, all right?" She looks concerned, so does Baz. I nod, even though I don't feel okay right now.
"Love, look at me." Baz holds my chin, facing me. His other hand rubs my cheeks, drifting away my tears. "Trust me, I know how does it feel. Losing your mom is a really hard thing, but you're not alone. You have me, and you have Penelope. And even if you can't see her, your mom is here, always with you."
I feel a small warmth in the left side of my chest, upon where my heart is. My mom is with me.
I can't help but grin. Penny and Baz hug me again, and I start feeling better. We stay like this for a minute or two.
I'm about to save the letter on its envelope again, when I notice there's something else inside. I take it out, a picture. A blonde, curly woman is holding a sleeping baby in her arms. I realize it's me and my mom, after I was born. I'm wrapping one of her fingers with my hand, and she's smiling at me. She was really beautiful, even looking tired. I rub my finger through her in the picture, like I'm really touching her.
Baz hugs me by my shoulders, looking at the picture too. "You look like her." I nod, because he's right. The only difference between us is the hair colour, mine's a little darker.
Penny looks at it, the expression on her face might be surprise, but she manages to change it before I could figure it out. "So, today is your birthday, huh? What would you want to do?"
I've never really celebrated my birthday, because I never knew when it was. Any way, The Mage used to send me a present at the start of summer, it was more a significative thing than anything else. So, now that I know I was born on the solstice, things could be different.
"Nothing special. I just want to be here, with both of you." I take Baz' hand, intertwining our fingers. He squeezes it, kissing my cheek.
"I think we could bake sour cherry scones to celebrate. Maybe not as good as Watford's, but it's something. Would you like it?" I nod excited. Penny smiles at me, and looks at Baz, with a hand on her hip.
"This boy eats scones as no one else. You'll be the one to clean after it, and I won't accept claims." Penny and I laugh when Baz tries to refuse, but given that he proposed it, he can't say "no" now.
That's when I realize that, even if I grew up without parents, I've found a family now. Baz and Penny had been here for me, through heaven and high water. Even at my worst moments none of them turned their back to me.
We might not be related but blood, but I love them. They're my family now, and that's the only thing that really matters.