Work Text:
She didn’t know when it started really. She wished she could pinpoint the exact moment where her brain apparently stopped functioning, but as much as she tried, she couldn’t.
At night, in a room that is too big and red to ever be hers, she thinks there may not be an exact moment at all, but a culmination of moments and paths that lead her to that present. She also thinks if she would have been able to escape that present, or if she wanted to at all.
The answer was simpler than it should. No . Short, final. No , she didn’t want it. No, she wouldn’t change a thing.
And yes , maybe there was a time when she hated him, a time when she could have hurt him if he had dared to cross a line on her watch; but now . . . Oh , now everything was different.
It was a progression, she realized. What once started as hate, and then some sort of truce, and then betrayal. What had continued as rage, and resentment, and pain. But then it had blossomed into understanding, and support, and friendship . It evolved to a partnership; the kind of bond where two people were equals , where one wasn’t balanced without the other.
And it all had almost ended in the brink of an eye.
That —the heat, the tears, the lighting — snap her from her own stubbornness, her own blindfold; and then all the pieces fitted together.
But it was too late.
It was an almost , a nearly ; but not enough.
She realized it that the very morning she decided to hold her heart bare in front of him, when he saw him with a different girl on his arms.
Too late, almost.
It didn’t matter, she said herself.
She would be okay. (It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt still)
And just because she was too late she decided she wouldn’t also allow to lie to herself, live a life that would be nothing but a lie.
Days passed in that strange palace, the very same place that once held her greatest enemies and now was the home of one of her closest friends. Her best friend , her something more.
Weeks passed and the conversation she dreaded with the young avatar finally came, and she watched with glossy eyes how he gave his heart to her, and she watched herself crushing it.
Months passed and she thought she made a mistake, ruined a friendship; but it didn’t. He was broken-hearted, but he was still his friend. He promised he would move on, be there for her. She was just as broken-hearted as him, but unsure she could master his understanding and bravery with her own cause.
Even more time passed and they were alone at least again.
Just the six of them on the beaches of Ember Island, just like before the war ended. Her little found out family.
With the time and the space she forced herself to put between herself and the boy of the sun she knew could never be hers things seemed to be better. She seemed to be better. She thought there was still hope, that she would be able to survive that little holiday just fine, without any slip ups.
At first, it was nothing significant; just a stiffness that wasn’t there before when the two of them ended up alone at night, a silence between chores that used to be comfortable but not anymore, a nervousness she couldn’t quite hide.
She wondered if he noticed the change in her behavior. She wished he didn’t.
Destiny loved to prove her wrong.
She should have seen it coming, really. The little earthbender was nothing but a force of nature ready to raise havoc there where she went. The matters of their hearts —or its beating— always her favorites.
She left the house, her feet guiding her to the waves at the front of her when she heard her voice calling her. She was sitting nearby the fountain, her feet planted firmly on the ground while her back leaned against the trunk of a narrow tree.
Katara walked to her side and she stood, motioning to one of the benches from the courtyard.
“ So. . . ” she started.
“ So .” Katara repeated.
“ Care to explain why you have been avoiding Zuko ? ”
The waterbender almost choked in her own spit, her eyes wide at the question of the younger girl. “ I am not abounding Zuko! ” she scream-whispered, her hands fisting the fabric of her skirt. “ What makes you think that? ”
“ C’mon, Sugar Queen. You can do better than that. ” she answered with a shrug.
“ I don’t know what you’re talking about .”
“ Magic feet, remember? ” she smirked, wiggling her mud-stained feet at her. Katara wrinkled her nose at the sight, knowing the gesture was lost in the blind minx. “ Although I wouldn’t need them to know you’re lying. Even a blind person would have noticed. ” she mocked, as if she wasn’t blind herself.
“ I’m not avoiding him. ” she repeated as calm as she could remain.
“ You are. In fact, you have been doing so for the past months. ” Toph frowned, crossing her petite arms over her chest. “ Ever since Sozin’s comet. ”
Just the memory of that day made Katara stiff, the memories of blue lighting pointed at her and the sound of a body hitting the concrete coming back to her at once. “ What happened, Sugar Queen? ”
She wanted to tell the truth and lie at the same time. She wanted to say nothing happened, because it never did; but she also wanted to rip her heart out and leave all the emotions and feelings and doubts that plagued it out in the open. But she couldn’t do that, even if she couldn’t deceive the earthbender in front of her, she couldn’t come clean either.
“ Nothing happened. ” A half true.
“ Something changed .” It wasn’t a question.
Katara was about to continue her denials when a movement catched her eye from her right. There, as if he was summoned, was the main topic of their conversation and the main focus of her problems. Coming at them. Shirtless . She was sure her heart skipped a beat or two just before it started to pound frantically against her ribcage. Judging the smirk in her companion’s face, the change in her heartbeat hasn’t passed unnoticed.
“ Hey, there you are!” he said upon seeing them, his footsteps carrying him in their direction. Katara didn’t waste a second to stand, bruising imaginary dust from her clothing. “ Katara, I wanted to talk to you abo— “
“ Sorry Zuko. ” she intervened, her eyes looking at anywhere but him —or his eyes, his jaw, his very naked torso —. “ I… I have something to do. To see Sokka, right! He needed my help with something. ” she convinced herself that her voice wasn’t as cringing as she thought, and as fast as she talked she was walking in their opposite direction, to the entrance of the beach house. My room , she set her destination; no one would bother me in my room .
She could still catch some of their conversation in her walking; muttered, but no low enough to be considered as a secret.
“ What is with her? Did I do something wrong? I just wanted to talk to her. ” he said.
“ You may want to put a shirt on for that, Sparky? ” the short girl answered, and even with her back toward them Katara could hear the smirk in her voice.
“ Huh, Toph? How do you know I’m not wearing a shirt? ”
This time, the girl laughed out loud. Damn it, Toph.
Katara could still hear her cracking up from the stairs while she climbed them.
She thought it would end with that.
She truly thought life would leave her rest in what was supposed to be their vacation, hers too.
But once again, she was proven wrong.
It was past midnight, the full moon was bright in the sky over her head. As every month, she waited for the sleep to come but was too restless to close her eyes. So she went to the beach instead.
She had just finished working through her forms when she heard it, the rifling of clothes behind her.
She didn’t need to turn to know who it belonged to.
He was alerting her of his presence, both her and him knew she wouldn’t see him coming if he put any use to his stealth.
“ Katara .” he spoke softly, tentatively.
She turned to face him.
“ Katara, is something wrong? ” Here it comes, she cursed to herself.
“ What? No, Zuko. Everything is fine, just the full moon. ” Maybe if she lied enough times he would believe her and leave her alone. Maybe after enough times she would believe herself too.
“ Sure? ”
“ Yes. ” a beat. “ Why do you ask? ”
“ You’ve been avoiding me. ”
“ No I haven’t. ” she answered too quickly.
“ Yes, you have. You’ve been avoiding me since my coronation. ”
“ That’s insane. Also, not true .” she tried to dismiss his accusations with a wave of her hand, even knowing they were totally on point. He didn’t need to know that.
“ Did I do something wrong? ” It was the same question he had done to Toph just hours before, the very same words. But his tone. . ., where it sounded confused and concerned once talking with the earthbender, now it sounded defeated.
“ Why do you think that!? ”
“ Because you’ve barely spoken to me two sentences since we arrive at this stupid island, Katara. ”
“ Zuk— .”
“ And it’s like in the Air Temple over again, so tell me; what did I do? Why are you avoiding me like I’m some kind of disease? ”
“ I am not! ”
“ Katara! ”
“ Is this because of the Agni Kai? ”
“ What, Zuko? Why would you say that!? ”
“ Because I don’t know what to think, when did I go wrong? Was it because Azula aimed at you, was it because... ” but then he shut, his jaw clenched like he was biting back words that weren’t for her to hear. “ Katara, please. ” he begged, he never begged. Her conviction was fastly slipping from her grasp. “ Just tell me so I can make things right! ”
She couldn’t take it anymore.
She exploded.
“ What do you want me to say, huh? That I can’t barely conjure two coherent thoughts in your presence? That everytime you're near all I can think is how badly I want you to kiss me? You almost died, we almost died and here I am thinking and acting like some stup— “ but she didn’t get to finish the sentence, not when his mouth covered hers in a clumsy and fierce kiss.
It was more like a crash of mouths than a kiss itself, more like a surprise attack in the battleground than anything.
It made Katara’s insides turn to jelly nonetheless.
It ended as fast as it happened. His hands remained on her cheeks, and she couldn’t remember when or how they got there, couldn’t think at all for a large couple of seconds.
“ Is this okay? ”
Yes . “ No .” She finally said, voice broken despite her best efforts. “ Zuko, it’s not! ” she shouted, breaking free from his grasp and putting some needed distance between the two. “ We’re leaving in a couple of days, and I. . . You. . . Zuko you have a girlfriend! ” she was blinking furiously now, she could sense the tears in her eyes but refused to show any weakness, refused to break in front of him.
“ What? Katara, what in Agni’s name are you talking about? ”
“ Zuko do you thing I’m stupid? I saw you with Mai! I knew you had a past, I knew she was Fire Nation, that she was your destiny. I’m not going to be second choice, or even worse, a pity cause for you. ” she said and started to leave, but before she could take a step in the house’s direction, his hand shot to her wrist and glued her in place.
“ That’s what this is about? Mai!? ” he laughed, he had the guts to laugh at her. Her hands form two fists, fingernails digging in her palms to control her over slapping him or bend him into the sea. She was furious. She was weak, heartbroken; and she was livid.
She was two seconds away from throwing all her rage at him.
“ Zuko, let me go. ”
“ No .”
“ I swear on Tui and La, Zuko. Just. . . Just let me go and please forget about this conversation .”
“ What if I don’t. ” He said spinning her so she was facing him again. Then, he practically whispered. “ What if I don’t want to forget about it? ”
“ Zuk— “
“ Mai and I aren’t together. Hadn’t been since the day of the Black Sun. ”
Now she was the one laughing, a dark and bitter laugh; shaking her arm, she freed it from his hold.
“Oh boy, you really do think I am stupid.”
“ It’s true .”
“ I saw you, Zuko! I heard her! ”
“ Whatever you think you saw, we’re not together! ”
“ The day of your coronatio— “
“ She came to my room, we talked, I apologized. Yes, she wanted to get back at how things were before, but I didn’t Katara! We’re not getting back! ”
“ What? ” it came out as barely a whisper, her throat and mouth suddenly dry.
“ I couldn’t be with her and be happy. Maybe before, maybe once I did picture my future with Mai in it; but not anymore. ” he sighed and dropped his gaze to his feet, his shoulders tensing and his jaw tightly pressed closed. “ I couldn’t be happy with her because I already picture myself happy with someone else. ”
Her mouth formed a silent ‘oh’, but no sound came from her. She didn’t dare.
Her heart fluttered inside her ribcage against better judgment. She knew she shouldn’t get her hopes up, she knew it would break her. And yet, her body didn’t seem to reason with her brain.
She closed her eyes, waiting for the boy to continue, waiting for the rejection to hit her.
Just because he doesn’t want to be with Mai it doesn’t mean he feels the same, just because he doesn’t want to be with Mai it doesn’t mean he feels the same, just because he—
“ Ask me who .” he ordered, almost pleading; stopping her train of thoughts. He stood closer than before, she noticed. When did he get closer?
“ Who? ” It was barely a whisper; and as the question left her lips she felt herself leaning closer too.
“ You, Katara. No one but you. ” He stepped in her space and placed his hand over her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek. “ It has always been you. ” he muttered, capturing a tear with the movement of his finger. She didn’t remember starting to cry, she didn’t want to cry. Yet she was. She didn’t know why, either. Regret , relief , happiness . One emotion and thousands at the same time. But he didn’t judge her, he never did. That, Katara noticed, was one of the million things that pulled her to him. Like the moon did with the tides .
She closed her eyes, wishing the tears would go away, wishing her mouth to say something, anything . He rested his forehead on hers. She didn’t lean away, not this time.
Silence engulfed them, the only sounds around them were the rhythm of the waves crashing at the shore and the in-and-out of their breathing. “ You mean it? ” she finally spoke, leaning her head slightly up so she could look into his eyes. The emotion she saw in them almost made her choke and clamp her lips shut once again.
“ Are you calling me a liar? ” he mocked, but the sincerity of his gaze was impossible to ignore, the gentleness of his touch impossible to fake.
She moved her head no, not quite separating from his warmth. Her hands had moved to rest over his shoulders while his free one had settled over her waist. “ Why didn’t you say anything? ” she murmured.
“ Why didn’t you? ”
“ You know why. Mai .”
“ And I thought you liked Aang .”
She couldn’t help it, she laughed.
She let all the pressure of the last months wash over her with the laughter, her arms curling around his neck while she pressed her face on his shoulder, trying to smother her giggles.
“ Spirits, we’re hopeless .” she breathed against his neck once she calmed herself.
Now it was his turn to chuckle. “ Yes, we are .” he said, leaning back so their faces weren’t pressed against each other. The hand on her cheek moved to settle on her jaw, his fingers slightly gracing her curls. “ I’m sorry .”
“ What now? ”
“ If I had said something before, if I had been less of a coward. . . ”
“ Oh, shut up! ” she said, pushing him from her so their bodies were separated once again and she could look properly at his face.
“ But Katar-- ”
“ I said ‘shut up’, Zuko .” she said crossing her arms over her chest, her left brow arched.
Upon seeing her gesture, his lips curved into a smirk and he leaned his head slightly towards her. A hairspace between their noses. “ What if I don’t? ”
Oh , now he was playing. She could play that game too.
“ Maybe I’d have to shut you up myself .” she said nonchalantly.
“ Maybe I’d let you .”
“ Maybe I’d do it, then .” she replied tilting her head to the side.
He opened his mouth to retort, but before he could pronounce a word she stood on her toes and closed the distance between them, pressing her lips on his.
It started gently, barely a caress of lips and teeth; but it grew hungry fast.
It was a kiss but it wasn’t at the same time. It was a confession, an affirmation of their feelings. With every lap of their tongues, they poured all the things they wanted to say but remained yet unknown. I’m sorry, I want you, I love you. With every caress of their hands, they reassure each other of what they had won. You’re here, you’re alive, you’re mine .
They had to separate eventually to catch their breaths, but she didn’t let him move from her body. She looped her arms firmly around his neck, rested her forehead against his. She didn’t wait long to kiss him again, just as fiercely as before but this time less tentatively, surer than anything else in her life.
They had wasted a lot of time already.
They had a lot to make up for.
Story inspired by this beautiful piece of art;
by @zk_dokies:
