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Pressing his forehead to the window in his dorm, Inumaki watched the rain fall outside with a small smile painted on his lips. The blues and greens and greys of the storm looked like a painting to him, each raindrop a splash of stray paint, every storm cloud a swipe of the artist's wrist.
Inumaki's thoughts started to drift off, wandering to Yuta's bright laugh, his cute nervous habits (such as the way he pulled at the sleeves of his shirt when he was nervous). Inumaki had developed the practice of taking note every time he made Yuta smile.
Yesterday, he had done it three times. Every single one felt like winning a gold medal.
Inumaki's breath created a blur of whites and light blues on the glass pane, so he leaned backwards— if only for a moment, to wipe it away before tipping intently towards the window again. He loved storms, they were a comfort in the chaotic life of a high-grade sorcerer. The few times they occurred, he was able to breathe for a while and just think.
Inumaki heard three soft knocks on the door, so he uttered a carrying "salmon" without tearing his eyes away from the window. His hands fiddled away, soft and long due to the fact that he never used weapons during battle. His gaze flicked to the new figure in his doorway.
Underneath the tall collar of his uniform, Inumaki's cheeks were painted slightly red. Yuuta smiled at him, pushing the door shut with a click as he made his way over to the cursed speech user. Silently, Inumaki shifted to make room for the other.
"Do you like the storm Toge-kun?" Yuta whispered, eyes softening as he sat down on the chilled wood of the dorm's bay window. Inumaki's eyes crossed slightly in thought, his hands still turning absentmindedly in his lap.
He shook his head. "Katsuobushi (No)."
"No? But you always seem so captivated by them," the dark-haired boy scratched his neck.
"Tuna Tuna (well, yes— but..)," as Inumaki tried to find the right words, his facial expressions contorted confusingly. He didn't know how to get the right words out.
"Ah," Yuta pulled out a small notepad from his pocket and handed it to the other, "here."
For a moment, all Inumaki could do was stare at Yuta. He was utterly taken aback at how considerate the other was, and he felt his heart flutter fleetingly in his chest. Inumaki's soft hands grasped the notebook, brushing against Yuta's calloused ones. He felt electric shocks surge throughout his body.
"Tuna... tuna mayo (thank you)," Inumaki blushed.
"Of course," Yuta's smile alone twisted Inumaki's heart into a knot.
Inumaki grasped the pen in his hand, thinking intently on how he wanted to phrase his feelings into words. The point of the ink dropped to the paper, pausing for a moment before engaging in quick, sweeping lines. Inumaki had graceful handwriting.
"You..." Yuta's eyes widened.
I don't like storms, I love them. They remind me of you.
Inumaki let out a sound between a gasp and a yelp, moving to scribble on the notepad again. His motions were hurried, and Yuta wanted to erase the obvious anxiety painted across Inumaki's face.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin things. If you hate me because I'm gay, I understand.
"No!" Yuta's eyebrows furrowed as he turned to glare at Inumaki. "I could never hate you."
Despite Yuta's words, Inumaki still felt like a spear had been thrown through his chest. He had the sudden urge to clutch his heart, to let this weird pain flow out of his body in the form of tears. Inumaki didn't want Yuta to feel bad, though, so he turned his head away and concentrated on keeping the waterworks contained.
It was extremely difficult.
Inumaki wanted to scream, to sob and shake and slam his fist against the window. He hadn't meant to tell Yuta about his feelings, he had just been caught up in the moment.
"Toge-kun..." Yuta whispered, and Inumaki felt a warm hand press against his cheekbone. Half of his face was covered in a mask, but the pressure of Yuta's hand on his face caused heat to crawl up his neck. Inumaki's breath shuddered in and out a full three times before he spoke.
"Ch— chopped katsuobushi (please don't)," choking, Inumaki forced himself to push Yuta away.
"No... I—" Yuta's voice sounded strained, almost hurt. Inumaki (against his will) turned to face him, and when he saw the tears slipping down Yuta's face, he couldn't help but completely break.
Inumaki heard with detached apathy heavy sobs fall from his own lips. His mouth twisted into a gruesome frown, the salty tears catching in the fabric of his mask. He felt like his heart was about to burst, grabbing at the fabric of his uniform ruggedly.
"I'm sorry Toge-kun," Yuta whispered through tears. "I didn't... mean to make you cry..."
A still-numb Inumaki felt himself shake his head. Though his body was still being wracked with sobs, his eyes felt heavy and resigned. He smiled sadly.
Yuta sniffled. "Please stop crying, I love you."
What?
"...Salmon? (really?)" Inumaki asked quietly before realizing of course, he only meant platonically and mentally slapped himself for getting his hopes up.
"I..." pausing to inhale and collect himself, Yuta said more sternly, almost like he was confirming it: "I'm in love with you."
Inumaki was frozen in shock, he had never once expected his feelings to be reciprocated. And as much as his heart surged and his head emptied at the words, he couldn't help but be scared. He had never been a big fan of change, the creature of habit he was. However painful unrequited love was, it had been stable, become a normal thing for him.
This new realization hit him like a tidal wave.
Along with that, Yuta didn't need someone who would hold him back, he needed someone who could love him completely, someone who could comfort him, someone who could talk to him. There was no way they would work out, Inumaki concluded with a pang in his chest. He couldn't let Yuta be hurt when they broke up.
But, if he was being honest, there was part of him that was terrifyed of how hurt he would be when Yuta inevitably got tired of him. Got tired of his communication issues.
So Inumaki shook his head softly. "...Umeboshi (you can't)."
"Toge."
The name and the way it fell out of Yuta's mouth was different than usual, it was a command. But as Inumaki hesitantly turned his head towards the other, he was met with a soft gaze. Soft eyes, soft lips, soft skin, Inumaki wanted him so badly.
He looked into Yuta's deep blue eyes, cautious but kind. They held a quiet spark that looked oh so blinding to Inumaki, and he felt the irresistable urge to star at them forever. Every morning when he woke up, every night as he drifted asleep, every rainy day sitting by the window.
"I love you, and you can't tell me that this isn't possible because I promise you it is," Yuta touched Inumaki's cheek, pulling down the mask slowly.
And suddenly all of Inumaki's previous resolve absolutely shattered like it had never existed in the first place. Yuta was dead serious, scarily so. Ever since Rikka incident, he had been incredibly careful to never make a promise.
But he had just now.
The tears streaming down Inumaki's cheeks seemed to increase tenfold, his body heaving because his chest had just been relieved of a weight he hadn't known was there. His body leaned towards Yuta on instinct, and the other boy moved without hesitation to pull him closer.
Reaching up to clutch the fabric of Yuta's shirt, Inumaki sobbed into the boy's chest, comfort seeping through his entire body. He had never felt this safe, this content before with anyone.
He wanted it to last forever.
After what seemed like hours, Inumaki's seemingly endless flow of tears eventually subsided. His breath stopped shaking, and his hands stopped gripping so tightly to Yuta. He inhaled, moving out of the boy's embrace in order to look at him fully. Yuta smiled softly at him, pulling an envelope out of his back pocket. "I was actually planning on giving this to you today..." he cleared his throat nervously.
Inumaki blinked slowly exactly three times before taking the paper from him. "Tuna mayo (thank you)."
"I know it's really stupid and it's probably really cringe—"
Inumaki's finger found itself pressed against Yuta's lips in a way to say "stop, I love anything and everything you do". Despite his vague action and lack of words, Yuta seemed to know exactly what he meant, based on the small smile that now painted his lips and the pink dusting the tips of his ears.
With careful movements, Inumaki peels open the top of the envelope. A small thought flashes through his mind before he can stop it, and he almost audibly whimpers at the embarrassment of it. He actually imagined Yuta sliding his tongue on the seal of the paper.
"W— wait.." Yuta stand up. "I'm too awkward about this..." He walked started walking towards the door, stopping every few seconds to cast a shy glance at Inumaki. "Um... I'm gonna wait outside..."
Usually, Inumaki would tel him to stay, but he could tell that the boy was geniunely scared for his reaction. So instead he nodded, unfolding the letter as the door slid shut.
➹ ➹ ➹
Dear Toge,
I hope it's alright if I call you that, I've always wanted to, it makes me feel like we're close.
When I first saw you, I was honest to god terrified. Not because you looked scary, but because I was intimidated by how handsome you were. It's silly, but that was the reason I used to avoid you. There was always something that got me flustered around you, and even though that fear has long since passed, I still feel my pulse thrumming in my ears whenever I'm around you.
The first time I talked to you, I couldn't help but notice this burning passion that seemed to radiate off of you, like you were the sun. I will always admire that look in your eye when something in your world changes, like you'll protect the people close to you no matter the cost.
You're so selfless and kind, everything that I aspire to be. At first, I thought of you with the word "admiration" and "respect". You were the main reason I was driven to train so hard, to become better for myself and others, but mostly you.
Once I got to know you, really know you, I found out that you were even more perfect than I had originally thought. The little things got to me, slowly, and yet so fast I didn't have time to process it.
The way you stood in front of me during our first missions together because you knew I was scared. The way you genuinely smile at Panda's dumb jokes even though nobody else thinks they're funny. The way you laugh every once in a while, the way you tap your fingers three times when you're nervous, but only ever three. Why is that?
You see Toge, I know so many little things about you. A couple months ago it dawned on me that this feeling was more than just respect, it was comfort, it was safety, it was home.
I know so many things about you, yet I want to know more. I want to kiss you to sleep and wake up to you every morning, I want to make you smile more often, I want to kiss the marks on your mouth, because they don't look like curses to me. They're part of you, so they're everything to me.
I want to discover the secrets that make Inumaki Toge, I want to hold them close to my chest and savor them forever. But more than anything, I want to give you everything I have in return.
I love you, Toge.
I don't care about your inability to speak, everytime you say an onigiri ingredient, it reminds me of how altruistic you are. You don't speak because you're afraid of hurting others, I get that, do you really think I care about your curse?
By now, I feel like I can tell what you're thinking just by the crinkle of your eye, by the small lift of your eyebrow, by the flutter of your eyelash.
God, I'm so in love with you Inumaki Toge.
- Your Yuta, forever and always.
➹ ➹ ➹
Sometimes throughout reading, Inumaki's eyes had teared up again. He no longer had any doubt in his mind about loving Yuta, it was funny how easily the boy could tear down his walls.
It was funny, how Yuta could describe so exactly the emotions that lived in Inumaki's heart.
He found himself walking towards the door to where Yuta was waiting outside, he found himself clutching the letter to his heart, a hopeless smile plastered across his face. The door slid open, revealing a fidgety Yuta who was doing that sleeve-pull thing Inumaki loved.
Inumaki loved every part about him, though.
Outside of the windows of the hall, rain still fell heavy against the dark grey skies. Inumaki sighed contentedly, what perfect weather to be with the love of his life, after all, he was always thinking about Yuta during storms.
The rumble of thunder reminded him of how quickly Yuta barged into his life, the lightning a reminder of his bright persona, the smell of rain the comfort of his presence, the dark clouds being his quiet eyes.
"Hi," Yuta looked towards at Inumaki as he sat down next to him. Their backs were pressed against the cold wooden wall, and their thighs were nearly touching because of the close proximity of their bodies. Inumaki blushed, but made no motions to move away.
"Shrimp (hi)," Inumaki met his gaze.
"So... the letter..." Yuta looked hopeful and exposed, like a small puppy waiting for approval. Inumaki thought he looked adorable.
Like they always say, actions speak louder than words.
Inumaki cupped his hand to the nape of the boy's neck without a sound. With his other, his fingers intertwined with Yuta's on the floor. Yuta's eyes widened silently, but he didn't move an inch.
He released a shaky breath.
They met softly, and Inumaki felt the burning in his heart increase with surprising fervor. Their lips fell into place like lock and key, hands searching each other slowly with the silent meaning that "we have all the time in the world". He couldn't think, he couldn't feel anything else except for the magnetic points where he and Yuta made contact.
The kiss was in no way rushed, it was a slow, soft thing. Fitting for a first kiss, and perfect in every way. After their lips parted, Yuta leaning his forehead against Inumaki's with a small smile.
"I love you Toge," he whispered.
"Osekihan Yuta (I love you too Yuta)."
That was the day Inumaki learned that he was able to say his lover's name.
➹ ➹ ➹
Everyday since then, Inumaki has cherished that miracle carefully and sparingly. He loved the way Yuta's name fell from his tongue, and he often mouthed it silently whenever he felt anxious. But he was careful not to say it too much, saving it only for special occasions, fearing his ability to say it would fade away.
The day he proposed, he held Yuta close to his chest, whispering "Yuta Yuta Yuta Yuta Yuta Yuta" for what seemed like hours. Their tears stained each other's shirts, and Inumaki lost track of exactly how many times they kissed that day.
What Inumaki didn't lose track of was how many times he made Yuta smile.
63.