Chapter Text
"Do you think it's because I didn't get any love from them?"
In woo freezes ,staring the shaking , sobbing man dead in the face. It's as if the temperature in the room had dropped down to arctic levels. The satisfying burn of alcohol felt bitter in his mouth and the kindling flames of a job well done died out with one harsh whistle of wind.
Love.
He didn't find it funny enough to laugh at the comment. He didn't find it just about anything. Love. There was nothing to retrospect. There was nothing.
With his mood now sour , In woo could feel his mask slipping. He sighed and placed his glass on the table. Dongshik was still speaking. Or well, blubbering, stumbling over his words as he confesses his -what did he call them? Ah yes, 'dark and disgusting secrets'.
To think In woo once thought he saw himself in there.
Something curls in the pit of his stomach, a whip coiled and ready to lash, a snake under a stone. As Dongshik begins to twitch with the drug taking effect, his words are clipped and heavy with contempt.
"You know, Dongshik shi, everything about you is fine." He looks straight at the salary man. The soon to be predator of Seoul. Dongshik's eyes are red, and his hands shake pathetically as he grips the bag on his lap like a lifeline. He grits his teeth.
"But you talk too much." he finishes. Dongshik is confused for a second, blinking, he tries to reorient himself only to slump forward, head hitting the table with a muted thud.
In woo stares at the unmoving figure in front of him.
"Why do you have to keep blabbing." Weak.
The snake in his stomach rears his head.
Disgusting.
It's strange how In woo can't place to whom he meant that to
…………………………
"Is it because I didn't get any love?"
"No" he says aloud to the walls who take his comments in silence.
He was never one for talk but right now In Woo wishes that he was in a Disney movie with its animated everything.
And out of all the things to think about- In Woo sighs.
It's been a year since he got out of prison and In Woo is his isolated room at some institution. It was sterile, prosaic and completely bare of his belongings save one journal and a pen clipped onto the cover.
Sometimes he thinks that prison was better. Even with that crazy prisoner in the next cell. That wish is soon forgotten as he remembers that smell. In Woo had never appreciated good plumbing more than he does now.
Recently he's been writing. The psychologist they assigned to him said that this was the bare minimum therapy.'To keep up appearances' he'd said but In Woo could see through it. They had assigned one of their younger doctors to him. The old bastards were probably too scared to have anything to do with him and the new guy probably got the short stick. But he seemed determined to actually help In Woo get better. It was an earnest and selfless hope that reminded him of another certain brave citizen. But regardless of the intention behind the suggestion, In Woo took up a new journal ,
filling the pages with more mundane things than bloody fingerprints.
Sometimes he'd stop in the middle of a sentence, lost in one memory or another most of which aren't pleasant and doesn't notice until the grip on his pen hurts his fingers and the ink bleeds through the page. Well at least his doctor seemed happy with his entries and In Woo puts up with it because he hasn't made In Woo “talk about how he feels”.
Yet.
Yes, sometimes he wonders if prison would have been better.
But unlike what everyone seems to think he's not insane. His senses may be wired differently but in the end In Woo was like any man, who didn't want to waste away in a cell.
Then there was the absence of everything that is slowly beginning to chip away at him. Nothing excites him. There's nothing to do with the exception of sitting and thinking (or jumping off the window.) The latter sounds like a better option.
Yet In Woo was never one to endanger himself in that regard. He rolls the pen in his hands. He could kill the attendant that comes by with his food. Or the janitor . Or even his too earnest doctor- His fingers curl over the barrel and he closes his eyes.
Control. In Woo breathes in.
It's driving him up a wall.
He can't do it. He can’t lose it. Not if he wanted to spite those who believed he should be in here. Certified insane.
It was hard for In Woo to think about the long run, and that was the only goal that he could find in the dark for why he shouldn't just let go.
Control.
In Woo has to be patient. He sets the pen down on top of his journal. He couldn't afford to go off the rails. Not after a spotless eleven month record. Not after the fact that it's what everyone is waiting for.
"It's only temporary, think of it as a price for your freedom." Dr. Na Yi Je had said on the first day of his transfer to the hospital.
In Woo had scoffed.
If he didn't know better he'd say that the doctor was pretty much like him. With his suggestions to start a prison scuffle followed by a carefully planned scene after he’s put in isolation with a stolen chopstick snapped in two to draw just enough blood to make it seem serious. when the warden did his rounds.
They pleaded mental instability and when the board wasn't entirely sold a photograph of the head of the review board and an unknown woman, a girl really, getting into the hands of a reporter was enough to wrap up his transfer nicely.
But In woo did know better. There was something else behind the almost carefree facade of the doctor. Unlike In woo , he was working towards something. To right a wrong perhaps? Righteous anger. In woo muses. He wouldn't know.d
He had sighed and thanked Na Yi Je, handing him his fee. The old man didn't know about his personal savings. It was a relief to see some of his secrets remain the same.
"You know Seo In Woo shi," Dr. Na had told him when he took the cash from him.
In Woo had looked away from the scenery outside the window to give him his attention.
The man had gotten him out of that dreary cement cage after all. It called for some respect, or at least gratitude in his books.
"I wouldn't have gone through with your request if I thought you weren't fully worth it."
In Woo had raised his eyebrow. "Did you think I'd pay you less? "
The doctor had laughed and shook his head. "Oh no , of course the money is great but..." "But?" In woo had prompted, keeping his voice colourless as possible.
He could put up with talk, prison had done wonders for his patience. (It was now at an all time high of 5 percent before shutting down.)
"I did do some research before I considered the case. The great Predator Killer of Seoul ," Dr. Na whistled. In Woo’s hand clenched on the window sill. Sometime ago that title made him giddy. A mark of his success. But now, every time he hears it he feels tired, agitated. It's almost like they're degrading him. Reducing him into nothing but a beast with a bloodlust.
An animal.
Beneath them.
In woo had to force himself to relax and allow the man to continue.h
It's a pretty tough case to defend, so I hope you don't mind but some snooping was in order. "
Oh.
In woo did mind. He minded a lot.
But he minded the stone like pillows in his old cell more hence the doctor lived .
"I don't understand what you wish to convey, doctor " he smiled despite his entire being projecting one big get out sign at the man at the door.
Perhaps the doctor had caught onto his discomfort or his anger.
"Don't worry In Woo shi, I'm not here to taunt you. I've seen your past and well, while I know that not everything that happened can be forgiven, I believe that everyone should be given a choice." In Woo had laughed at the implication. Him? Coerced ? The idea was absurd. This, all the kills were his. His choice. . And here's this one man saying that he had no freedom to choose. Him, who carefully picked out the most pathetic humans, who spent delightful hours thinking of the best end, the perfect weapon.
Him, who chose to take those lives.
In Woo had smiled at the doctor then.
"I chose who I became, doctor. Perhaps my circumstances weren't ideal but what of it. It doesn't matter."
The doctor had waved his hand at the heavy statement.
"We can always choose again, In Woo shi."
In Woo had grit his teeth ,trying not to grab the journal on the bedside table and hurl it at the doctor.
Pity. It was evident in his tone. In his words.
In Woo hated it.
He wasn't like others. He wasn't a product of his circumstances. What strength lies in letting himself play the victim?
No, this was what he was meant to be.
Just like me.
This is what you are.
A voice . An echo. Was it his? Was it his father's?
Victim. The word catches him off guard. Why had he even considered it. He dismissed the thought as soon as it occurred. Never mind.
He stretched his smile, allowing it to morph into a grin.
Get the picture already .
But Na Yi Je wasn’t phased at all. He smiled at him.
In Woo blinked, his mental train of insults against the man coming to a screeching pause . It wasn't the action that made him stumble. People smile at him all the time. Usually ,when they wanted something.
But the sincerity behind it, and the sincerity evident in all the words that followed had left him groundless and lost. He was back in his home, a child being looked at with a crooked eye at every turn.
"Oh everyone has circumstances, and everyone adapts. There is nothing weak in it, in knowing that perhaps it could have been different In Woo shi." Dr. Na Yi Je mused. He gave a small nod in farewell before turning to leave, only to stop at the door yet again. He didn’t turn back but In Woo knew that he was talking to him.
"I wonder, would the monster still be a monster if the people didn’t decide it was one?"
It took a while for In Woo to get his bearings again. He had hobbled to the bed and had laid down, his hands resting on his stomach.
A chance.
To choose again.
In Woo shut his eyes,
and immediately opened them before clicking his tongue in irritation.
Of all the things,
Why had his face appeared in In Woo's mind?
...
Perhaps he was going crazy.
........
Scratch that.
He is.
He is fully insane and hallucinating.
That or he had filled the form wrong for the question of visiting requests.
He certainly doesn't remember allowing the man who put him behind bars to come see how he's doing.
Why was Yook Dongshik standing at the door with a cake box in his hand?
The hallucination gives a small smile before stuttering ,"It's been a while eh, In Woo shi?" In Woo stares, not sure what else to do.
Is he here to gloat? But why wait an year?
"Shi?" Is the first thing that comes out.
Not beast? Madman? Murderer?
You were so fond of those back then.
Dongshik makes a face between a grimace and a smile but doesn't take it back.
What's he playing at?
He should have just asked him to leave because Dongshik ,being the senseless idiot he is ,takes his silence as an invitation and moves to sit on the chair next to his bed.
Something in In Woo wants him to take a step back, push himself further into the pillows because he's not sure what he'd do, but he doesn't listen. He wouldn't let -Yook Dongshik of all people unnerve him.
Yes, he may be bedridden and crippled but In Woo will hold onto his pride while he can.
"I-I- brought cake!" Dongshik says with his usual stutter and In Woo feels his lip curve . He tamps it down and clears his throat.
"Why are you here Yook Dongshik ?" He asks, searching his face for a reason. Dongshik, he notices, has cut his hair a bit shorter,
but that's where the changes ended. He still retained his hamster charm (?)(it's a thing ) that In Woo used to deal with in the past.
In Woo didn't realise that he's been staring at Dongshik without any reply until the other's eyes flit from side to side, avoiding his gaze.
"Um, In Woo shi," Dongshik starts and In Woo mentally shakes himself.
Get it together.
Why doesn't he have it together? In Woo wonders. This is Yook Dongshik for crying out loud.
( Ah, perhaps that's why. )
But whatever In Woo was feeling, didn't feel like anger. Softer , somehow. More muted. He isn't sure.
"Why are you here Yook Dongshik?" He repeats. Dongshik opens his mouth to answer before suddenly ducking down to rummage through his bag. He takes out a book. He glances at it and then stares Dongshik expecting an explanation.
"Ahh! See-I -um - wrote a book you know, based on uh.. what happened. You know,"
Dongshik stumbles over his words as In Woo continues to stare at him.
"I ah, don't know if you know so...I, ah I brought you a copy...its fine if you don't read it though!"
He adds at the end, placing the novel on the bed gingerly and catching his hands in a nervous bunch on his lap.
In Woo breathes out a laugh. He knows his stare is unnerving and he enjoys the effect it has on Dongshik.
"I am aware, I came to the meet and greet . Remember? "
I planned to kill you after it. In Woo says, his tone clipped.
He looks at Dongshik and doesn't know what to make of it when the other visibly perks up much to In Woo’s confusion.
"Ah, r-really! I'm glad!”
He smiles and In Woo is flabbergasted at how easily his defences are broken.
This man has no sense of self preservation. But then again that wasn't new. In Woo shakes his head.
"Did you come all the way here to give me this?" He asks, picking up the book.
Psychopath Diary, reads the cover. He scoffs. His work.
At least the cause of his misery had been profitable.
In Woo traced the cover, an illustration of a bloody fingerprint. He presses his own thumb over it. It was like a button , a click to open up his memories .
In Woo stays unblinking as images of his past conquests flash in his mind. One after another until it flips to the man in front of him, his foot crushing a hand, a blunt knife, crashing down, limping pathetically -
He jerks his finger away. He looks up at Dongshik who still hadn't answered.
"Then you can go now." he orders,
Dongshik stumbles half getting up at the order and for a second he’s assistant manager Yook in the presence of Director Seo; before catching himself and popping back onto the chair. "You didn't have to do that" He huffs, visibly annoyed. It was a new look on him for In Woo. He wouldn't have dared anything of the sort back then.
Back then. In Woo smiles internally. Does Dongshik think he was weak now? Is that why he’s acting so casual?
That he won't be able to kill him with a well placed stab at his neck with the fountain pen on his bedside table?
"Leave" He repeats.
Dongshik doesn't even dignify him with a response. Instead he crosses his hands and leans back on his chair with a huff.
What the hell.
In Woo forces his hands to release their death grip on the sheets. He looks Dongshik straight in the eye. "I could kill you ,you know" He drawls.
The reaction is microscopic.
But In Woo sees it.
The sudden flicker of fear . The moment of tension before his shoulders drop to their usual hunch.
Part of him is triumphant as Dongshik flinches .
But there's the other half. The half of him that wants to take back his words, bite his lip and continue .
And it annoys the living hell out of him.
Dongshik manages a laugh. "I asked the nurses , they said you haven't had any incidents-" "- I pay enough for them to mind their own business." In Woo deadpans.
How pure is this man? Is pure even the right word?
What part of In Woo makes him have such faith in him?
But Dongshik relents. "But you haven't gone out of your way to do anything... well, bad have you?" He asks. Insists, more like. In Woo's eye twitches.
What was he implying?
That he has lost his edge?
That he's getting better? More normal?
No.
In Woo cocks his head to the side .
"Perhaps I haven't found the right prey yet." He flashes a smile. Bearing his teeth.
This was his normal.
Dongshik shrinks under his gaze, trying to find something else to focus on as he moves back in the chair.
The action rings dully against his heart. Guilt? Improbable. In Woo can't feel guilt. But its something. A pang of disappointment on a minus scale.
That's a lot for In Woo. Perhaps the hospital has made him soft because In Woo doesn't revel in the fear he creates. Not now. Not in Dongshik.
(Maybe it's because he doesn’t hate him. Not anymore. Not as much as he thinks he does.)
He lifts his chin and is about to ask Dongshik to leave again when he hears a shaky breath and sees Dongshik get up on his own.
"I can leave." He states, firmly, his usual stutter absent. His head hangs low ,hair covering his eyes.
In Woo nods. This is how it should be. But Dongshik looks up abruptly and In Woo is shocked at the determination he sees there.
The same stupid stubbornness he possessed when claiming In Woo's life as his own.
"But I won't." Dongshik states and there's this sense of finality in it that makes In Woo sigh and accept his fate.
Because the alternative would have a pen in Dongshik's neck and he didn't have the right utensils to clean the mess.
...Right? He hopes that's why.
In Woo decides to settle back on the pillows and clasp his hands, resting them on his lap.
"Alright." He says .
For all his bravado earlier Dongshik is taken aback at the answer.
The inconsistency is only slightly irritating to In Woo. For now.
"Okay?...just like that?" Dongshik blinks rapidly.
In Woo closes his eyes. "What? Do you want to leave now Dongshik shi?"
The "No!" is so abrupt and loud it startles him, making him open eyes.
He looks at Dongshik and frowns. Not sure how to interpret him anymore.
Let's see what he has to say at least. In Woo decides .
There isn't much else to do anyway. He remains silent, allowing Dongshik to flit around like a nervous child before his eyes spark with an idea.
"Would you like some cake In Woo shi?"
.....
The cake, surprisingly is to his taste, though In Woo spends less time eating and more watching Dongshik eat with more enthusiasm than the desert called for.
It was good sponge. In Woo stares in amusement and disbelief. But not that good.
Well at least he's not messy. In Woo's perfectionist side wasn't too forgiving.
Dongshik polishes off the slice in a record thirty something seconds and In Woo is fascinated by how much a person can resemble a hamster. Dongshik puts his spoon in the empty container. He stares at his hands as he begins to talk.
"You know In Woo shi , when I was writing my book ..." Dongshik looks at him sheepishly before continuing.
"I had to think in your perspective at times you know..." Dongshik glances at him again , as if to ask for permission to continue.
In Woo responds with a raise of his eyebrow. The concept did interest him. "And?" In Woo prompts.
"How did it feel? to think like an actual psychopathic serial killer?"
In Woo's lip twitches upwards.
There is a pause before Dongshik laughs to hide his awkwardness.
"Ah, I should have expected that..." He scratches his face with a finger.
That, In Woo realizes, wasn't the best thing to bring up .
Especially after he literally played with this man's head and made him get convicted for his crimes.
Well he should have expected this from me. In Woo thinks, refusing to let up.
He has no reason to play nice . Hell, he doesn't play nice . Ever.
And if Dongshik decided to stay and talk he had to put up with it.
Nonetheless, Dongshik perseveres.
"It made me wonder if that was all there was to it."
In Woo raises his eyebrow. "To what?" He asks. He continues before Dongshik can respond.
"I killed people and unfortunately got caught and now I'm here, talking to you." In Woo raises an eyebrow. "What else is there to it ?" He's not sure what Dongshik wants to know.
"Why did you kill people In Woo shi?" Dongshik asks .
Ah. In Woo's hands lose their grip on the sheets. He looks down and waits for the follow up he's heard a million times.
Don't you have a conscience? After all this, do you have a hint of remorse?
Guilt.
People were obsessed with it.
As if it makes a killer a less of a killer. Guilt.
Apparently that's what it takes to be human .
In Woo waits.
But it never comes .
"In Woo shi?" Dongshik asks, In Woo turns to find his face closer than he remembers.
What kind of idiot‐
He has to hold himself back from jerking away but he can't stop his mouth twisting with irritation.
What is he even irritated about?
The fact that Dongshik didn't do what he had expected him to do?
Because he seems to think his concern is well placed even with a killer like him?
He turns his face away and pretends to be absorbed in the view outside and takes the moment to lock up his inner voice in a dark room and collect himself.
"Why should I entertain your questions?" He hums, as he looks back , his expression neutral.
Dongshik sighs, shoulders drooping . "Well I suppose you don't have to." He mutters, eyes dropping down to his hands.
In Woo just stares at the hunched figure. He can feel expectation radiating from him . He breathes through his teeth. It was irritating.
So why was he entertaining it? He wonders as he bites out a "But?"
Dongshik sneaks a look at him and In Woo wants to take it back and tear it until it's microscopic dust particles .
Dongshik smiles from under his hair, eyes morphing into two crescents with glee.
Like In Woo has said exactly what he wanted to.
In woo clicks his tongue.
Now it's him that's keeping Dongshik here. Not the other way around .
Dongshik straightens up and settles in the chair more comfortably, putting his bag down.
He doesn't look away from In Woo now and In Woo can see the confidence he mistook a long time ago as his own glinting in his eyes. But now In Woo sees no cold calculation lacing it.
"You want to, don't you?" In Woo's eyes narrow.
"You're lonely aren't you In Woo shi?" Dongshik says with such conviction it makes something in him snap. His eyes crinkle in the corners. He laughs .
A chuckle at first. " You mean I-" he cuts himself off as the idea takes root in his brain. Him. Dongshik thinks he's-
he turns away with a hand over his mouth. He thinks he's -
A grin splits his face.
He's lonely.
Its full fledged crazy man cackling now, as if all the absurdity of the day has finally caught up to him. His victim, not just anyone, but Yook Dongshik, the man whose life he almost destroyed coming over after an year,
With a subpar strawberry cake,
asking if he's lonely.
In Woo can't help it.
He bends over and cackles.
It takes a while for him to regain his senses and Dongshik is silent right through his outburst. Hand over his mouth he stills himself and lets the laughter die out . In Woo closes his eyes and breathes in.
Finally he opens his eyes to look at Dongshik, his face settled in mild amusement.
"I'm sorry for that." He isn't . You put me here.
And Dongshik sees it. Dongshik huffs .
"I get it okay, you think it's stupid right?This ?" He points a finger at himself.
"Me , here, after you tried to kill me. After I put you in jail."
Dongshik sounds exasperated, which is funny because if anything that's how In Woo feels.
"Yes" he states. Dongshik curls his fingers as if trying to physically grasp at words to describe his obvious conflict. Finding none he pulls at his hair.
" I know! I know! Okay?! I must be an idiot to come here thinking you'd want to talk." In Woo is dumbfounded as he watches Dongshik hit himself on the head.
"I couldn't help it okay? When I was writing I was wondering why you were the way you are okay? It's normal." He thumps a fist over his heart. "It's normal. " he gets up. "Or it's not normal, I don't care. I practically threw your story out there with no consent and everyone's calling you non human filth and I know I did too but now I've been thinking, reading for over an year and I know that's not true well at least that it didn't need to be true ." Dongshik finishes , hands falling down to his sides ,limp as if the someone cut the strings holding them up . I
Dongshik leans over the bed .
Face to face .
In Woo's eyes are blown out , jaw clenched . His patience reached his limit . He doesn't pull back.
Instead, he grabs Dongshik by his sweater and hisses in his ear. "You put me here Dongshik shi." He's too furious, too confused, to notice how Dongshik doesn't flinch.
He strains his hold more. "You come here to clear your what -guilty conscience to say you didn't mean it after you did this."
Or ...
He tilts his head studying Dongshik's face .
" Are you saying I did this to myself?" That I'm pitiful? It's almost a whisper but loaded with intent.
"That you know why ?" His knuckles turn white in their grip. In Woo feels his skin prickle as his anger freezes, streaking through his veins making him tense. Alert. One wrong answer and screw it-
his hand wavers over the pen on the table.
"That you understand? " He practically spits in Dongshik's face but In Woo doesn't care anymore.
The rush was exhilarating. He would show Dongshik that he was mistaken. That as always, his concern was misplaced, and watch as life drains out of him slowly.
“ I thought you had matured from back then”.
His father's words prick him.
No control. His breathing heightens.
He had looked down on him .
“Your filthy habit”.
He hadn't cared. In Woo clenches his teeth . He wasn’t worth the care .
No-
He didn’t need it. In Woo grins.
He doesn't need it.
He doesn't see Dongshik anymore. He just hears echoes.
“Animal. No worse than a beast.”
“What you're doing , it's sick.”
“You couldn't even save your mother.”
They work themselves to a crescendo in his head and In Woo can't hear anything else. He doesn't see anything past a haze of red until he feels a hand on his own and he's pulled back to reality.
He sees him now. And worse. He sees concern.
"Yah ,Seo In Woo " Dongshik blinks. "Are you okay?" He tries to lower In Woo's hands but In Woo pushes him off before he could. Dongshik lands on his back.
He lets out a cry of offense. "Hey! "
In Woo scoffs and shakes off his hands. He hears Dongshik groan from the floor.
"Okay ,you weirdo I won't come too close ."
He gets up and dusts himself off. He looks at In Woo, eyes squinted and mouth half pouting. "I know I'm like the perfect prey material or whatever but can you at least try not to kill me?"
"Tried." In Woo says, voice clipped. He tips his head back a little. "But you talk too much."
Dongshik snorts. "Well at least I'm glad this is a hospital then."
"Yes." In Woo replies.
Does he finally get it ?
"You should be."
Dongshik smirks, shaking his head .
"Big talk." He says.
In Woo has to pursue his lips to not snap back. "Really?" He says instead. He pulls off the sheet completely now, choosing to sit on the side of the bed .
"I almost killed you right now didn't I?"
"But you didn't." Dongshik states , sitting back.
"I was thinking what would be the best way to go about it " In Woo lies smoothly. He doesn't have it in him to smile.
" The most painful way"
Dongshik just shakes his head . There's a familiar impatience building up in In Woo.
As it always does with this one.
Nothing he says gets to him the way In Woo wants it to.
Never has.
Let no one say that Dongshik was predictable.
"But I stopped you." Dongshik says as if it proves everything he's been going on about.
"You wouldn't have let me stop if you really wanted to kill me ." He says . He sounds so assured. Like he's figured In Woo out . Like he was another one of his characters.
He hates it.
(It's easier to hate it. To hate it than to think about it.)
In Woo looks away without an answer .
His hand runs over the panel of buttons on the side of his bed. He presses a button and speaks into the mic above the panel.
"There's an unauthorized visitor in my room, could you escort him out please? " he turns to look at Dongshik, face unreadable, "Now."
Dongshik sighs and lowers his face to his hands . In Woo raises an eyebrow at the action.
"Why?" He asks.
" Did you expect something different? "
When Dongshik looks at him, this time his eyes are reflective. Tears.
In Woo ignores them. He doesn’t understand them.
"I'm just an animal aren't I, Yook Dongshik ?"
He gets up and walks away and stops at the window. "What did you say back then? " he hums, pretending to think before clicking his fingers.
"Ah, yes. I don't have a brain to use like you virtuous civilized lot. Isn't that right? " He doesn't look over. The clouds were gathering outside .
"So I'm afraid I don't know how to answer. "
A nurse comes in then, apologising profusely and In Woo hears her shuffling with Dongshik to the door.
But before he hears the click of the door he hears something else that makes him snap his head back. But Dongshik is already gone. The lock is in place and In Woo is left with the words,
"I'm sorry. "