Chapter Text
She had just asked him a question. What had she asked, again?
Barry had been so lost in the chaos of the unexpected scuffle-turned-battle that her words had turned into stinging tinnitus as curses flew angrily passed him. He watched two of the four of them fly through Lup, seeing her body crumple to the ground.
After the head noise subsided and he could see properly again, he assessed his surroundings. Lucretia still was clinging onto the Light - she was fine. Good. Taako was throwing spells as hard as he could at the gaining poachers - he was also fine. Okay, good. And Lup was still fine, right?
He looked over, expecting her to get up.
Okay, hun, time to get up. Only a few of them went through your skull...
...
Wait-
A pained, wailing sound erupted from Lucretia as Taako slumped to the craggy ground as well. Barry couldn’t take any more time to figure out what else was going on around him - the only thing he could focus on was conjuring a high-level fireball to ward off the incoming Light poachers. He saw the majority of them drop, and began to charge another blast.
Lucretia attempted to get Taako’s arm onto and around her shoulder, but she struggled to juggle both him and the Light.
“LUCE, get out of here!” Barry yelled, a little bit too harshly he thought, and fired off another fireball behind them.
He knew Lucretia was terrified, but she was starting to get better at responding to her own fight-or-flight instincts. As she sprinted out of the situation, Barry attended to Taako, grabbing his sleeve and carrying him out fireman style. After it was clear that they had all made it out safely, Barry set off one final fireball - only for the spell to accidentally explode into something devastatingly greater than anticipated, sending a rippling shockwave down the mouth of the cave, instantly incinerating everything within it.
Including her.
The ground seemed to be moving underneath Barry’s feet on its own, and he could barely make out if he was actually running, if he actually had Taako with him, if he was actually seeing Lucretia in the distance…or if he was only hallucinating all of it out of hope. The sound of Taako’s voice brought him back to the plane to realize that it really was all happening.
“Oh gods, I- Lulu-“ Taako rasped out on his shoulders, realizing what he had done by accelerating the effects of Barry’s spell. The unexpected sincerity broke them both, and somehow Barry’s legs become boneless at the words - almost boneless, like how it looked when the first shot went through her skull, he thought - and both he and Taako tumbled into the long prairie grass that had started flourishing past the patches of dirt leading into the cave. Taako started coughing as if he had just been pulled drowning from the ocean, and then began laughing.
“Y'know,” Taako laughed as he rolled onto his back, all sincerity in his lungs immediately gone, his pupils narrow and crazed, “this is hilarious. Absolutely hilarious! I love this. I love this. She’s going to be so pissed when she walks out of-"
“Taako, stop. I need you to stay with me, please”, Barry insisted into the dirt that was inches away from his face. He was strangely calm for the moment - this isn't the time to panic, he reminded himself. “I need you to help me get Lucretia and the Light back-“
“She's just absolutely going to eat it all up!” Taako laughed again, somehow in an even higher register than before.
“Buddy, all right, no. I’m gonna go, and I’m…” Barry said, pushing the weight of his body away from the ground, “not gonna leave you here and get an earful from her, so you’re gonna have to...“ he said sitting back onto his legs, “just let me help you so we can help Lucretia. She needs it more than us.”
A beat, only long enough to have remnants of the screeching curses approach his head again and warp the clear, copper-y sounds of Taako’s reply. What had he said, just now? The familiarity of asking that same question a second time in only a few minutes made Barry’s stomach heave. “Not now,” he accidentally said aloud, angrily scolding his stomach and nerves as he clutched his waist. “No time now.”
Taako caught Barry falling forward in pain in his peripheral.
“You know what? Whatever, my man. You do whatever you want at this point. I’m hundreds of years old at this point or something; I’ll find my way back when I damn well please,” he said, hoping to get the point across to Barry that he didn’t need to be carried back and kept alive for someone that wasn’t going to be around again for a few more months. He just wanted to be left alone.
Taako looked over his shoulder to make sure that Lucretia was well out of their field of vision, and admitted, “I’ll be fine, and if I’m not, let Lup be upset. I’m over it for this year. She’s going to be…just…gone, and-”
Through the high-pitched C note circling its way through Barry’s skull, he quickly studied Taako, his unofficial brother, his beloved family member, and saw the refusal to make eye contact.
“Don’t make me come back for you,” Barry admitted, quietly.
Taako sighed loudly. “Seriously? Just get out of here, Barold. I’ll be home before these suns set.”
Before Barry could get up, the familiar feeling of wind pushing their direction finished the conversation without fanfare. It commanded the long grass to lean towards them both, and a forceful but not unpleasant mechanical humming noise could be heard approaching them.
“I’ll go on ahead and tell them to stop and just stay nearby,” Barry said, finally getting up, attempting and mostly succeeding to push leftover nausea out of the forefront of his mind.
“Yep,” Taako gave back dryly. A non-answer, Barry thought, but still an answer.
As he ran toward the Starblaster, he began waving his arms at the deck windows, signaling for touchdown. It only took a few moments for Davenport to get the signal and deftly land. Magnus was practically halfway out of the door closest to the deck by the time the ship was making contact.
"HEY!” he yelled, sprinting at Barry faster than necessary.
“Haha…” Barry responded, thinking he was repeating Magnus’ words, as the ringing picked back up and his head went foggy. He could just only make out Merle jumping out of the deck door with a med bag for a split second.
What had she been asking, again?
And then he went down.
-
If Taako had made good on his promise to return by nightfall, there’s no way Barry would've known.
Barry had spent almost half of a century waking up alone, and then had spent the last year and a half greeting every day with her, in her bedroom - even if she almost always continued to sleep after he kissed her good morning.
Waking up in his own room a few days later after everything had happened with Merle by his side instead was a bit of a change, to say the very least. It was like a hangover that wanted to continue kicking him in the face.
“Taako?“ Barry quietly asked, as he draped his forearm over his eyes to cut out both of the suns attacking his eyes.
“Out and about running errands. Totally fine. Healed faster than you, honestly,” Merle chuckled, sounding like he was keeping several secret arguments between him and Taako in order to help Barry feel better about everything.
Except Barry wasn’t dumb - you don’t spend 49 years with family to know when Merle is angry with someone for grieving and then choosing to be unnecessarily reckless while simultaneously not dealing with feelings.
“Yeah well, it’s usually you or Dav picking up the pieces, so it makes sense,” Barry offered, trying to show respect for being taken care of by sitting up and speaking to Merle directly.
“Which is funny, you know, because you came back with zero physical injuries,” Merle attempted to offer back.
It didn’t land. Everything was too horrible still, and it was too obvious to both of them. The air in the room became stagnant.
“…I’m sorry,” Barry apologized. His forehead and cheeks started to burn.
Merle facepalmed and groaned. “Dammit, that was not my intention. I’m sorry. I wanted you to know that I’m surprised you’re awake and talking, really,” Merle said, taking his hand from his face and putting it on Barry’s knee over the sheets for a brief second as if to punctuate the apology.
Through the burning, Barry could feel preemptive touch-starvation growing in his throat. The realization that it hadn’t been Lup’s hand on his knee just now, and it wasn’t going to be her reaching out to comfort him for months at this point...
Oh gods...months?
They hadn’t been apart for more than a few days at most since they confessed almost two years ago. The realization sweltered and expanded, until he found himself trying to gasp It all back down, and Merle immediately grabbed Barry by the shoulders to steady him.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, really,” Barry found himself apologizing to Merle once again.
The gates were open, and everything was flooding around him.
-
A month passed. There was a funeral of some sorts, but it wasn't sad - they refused to ever be entirely depressed around each other, especially if the Light was retrieved. But the family picked a day - her favorite day of the year - and they spent it together in quiet understanding that she was gone.
After it was all over, Barry found himself awake at a horrible hour at the kitchen island for once. Before he could get off the stool to scrounge through the cupboards for anything that didn’t require attention or thorough preparation, he heard the familiar sound of a cork popping from the doorway behind him, and immediately slumped back down.
Ever careful of excessive alcohol consumption, he could barely begin to look at the glass of champagne Taako sat down in front of him.
“It’s kind of fucking weird sleeping lately, my dude,” Taako admitted as he rounded the island, bottle in hand.
Apparently that’s all he needed to say to get Barry to immediately reconsider and start sipping curiously. Guess it doesn't take much after all when I'm like this, Barry conceded.
“When did you get this?” he asked, trying to hold his first normal conversation that didn’t involve him breaking down in what felt like forever.
“Only a few years ago, so it’s not super special and bougie, but whatevs,” Taako said as he re-examined the label. “Had to hide it from Mags. He and Lulu used to squirrel these bitches away from me and they’d share without telling me. Secret rogue asshats, the lot of them.”
“Secret Rogue Asshats is the name of their band,” Barry said as he lowered his head onto the arm holding the champagne glass. Taako’s face screwed up, but no laughter followed.
“I hate their stupid bands,” Taako said, offering even more olive branches and saying yes to the bit. “They only play bad covers, and they never follow through and play out.”
“You can’t blame them,” Barry gave back without a second thought, “it’s almost like whenever they have free time to actually be good and practice together, one of them skips band practice and gets shot in the head a whole bunch or something.”
Wait. Fuck.
Ah, fuck. That was NOT the right thing to say right now-
The two made direct eye contact for the first time since they had left the cave.
“Uhhhhhhh…” Barry choked out.
Taako took a deep breath.
“Barold…”
Barry gulped.
“Uh…yeeeeah, Taako?”
“I…"
Taako sighed.
“I…
"Never want my sister to be with anyone else, you fucking horrible, nerd-ass WEIRDO.”
The first laughter to escape from Barry in weeks filled the kitchen, and encouraged Taako to keep dishing out the loving threats.
“And- AND! Barold…so help me, if you EVER hurt her…I swear to everything before and after us, I will PERSONALLY accidentally explode another one of your fireball spells while you make your shitty morning scrambled eggs,” he continued, “just like I did back in that cave, so I can kill all of us in the process and we can all be free of your bullshit dark humor.”
And then Taako took a hard swig from the champagne bottle without choking on the carbonation, stared Barry down again, and then sauntered out of the room calling over his shoulder, “Have a weird sleep, or don’t at all! Whatever, I don't care, compadre!”
Barry watched him leave, waved at his back, and then stared at the bottle.
He gulped down his remaining anxiety from what had just happened, and tried to lock away the interaction he just had for future serotonin.
She would’ve loved to have seen that, Barry thought. She would’ve been proud of her brother for saying all that…
He picked up his glass and shoved it in the fridge, knowing it would be flat in the morning. He didn't care. He wanted to remember this.
He used to say nothing after she’d leave us.
Things were different back then; they had both suffered in silence whenever she had left. This had been the first time the two had been real with each other and just…carried on.
Maybe the next three weeks without her were going to be livable after all.
-
Lab days were still necessary. He hadn’t strayed from attempting to understand the Light - what kind of help would he be to the crew if he had given up?
Usually the room was full of shared playlists full of lyrics about secretly pining for one another they had curated and played on repeat over the decades. But on the last day before they could run during this hellish cycle, he sat in silence, tiredly but reverently staring at his confusing salvation. He glanced at his notes, hoping to do it all at least a little bit of justice.
The only thing I understand right now, he wrote as his concluding sentence for this cycle’s secret journal for Lup, is that I’m never going to stop trying to be good for myself, for you, for our family, and for everyone else.
He wanted her to be proud, but mostly, he wanted her to feel loved when she was reading through everything later on…whenever she was ready to do so.
He grabbed the journal and carried it to the living room couch, where Lucretia was scribbling down some last minute thoughts before they took off for a new plane.
Seeing him, she took a corner of the blanket she had been wrapped in, and extended her arm in his direction, as if telling him that he was going to share without any hesitation on his part. He knew the drill by now.
He smiled, sat the journal down on the coffee table in front of them, and dramatically fell onto the couch. The two shared a very quiet and brief giggle together for the first time in a few months, then he wrapped his arm around her - a confidante, a family member, and one of his cherished ones - and fell asleep easily.
-
He had constantly fantasized about leaving the plane, only to find Lup on the next, watching her come back to him as she was stitched back together by the Light. He craved the regeneration; to feel her, to see her, to know that it had all just been a bad dream. It was only a lesson in unnecessarily cutting honeymoon periods short, because the universe will laugh at you no matter how much love you have, right?
He wanted to feel her against him, proving that their love could overcome the cruel laughter. He would never stop waiting for her to be his again. They had been good at waiting in the past, and he could be patient for a little while longer.
And then, the familiar smell of a new summer breeze tiptoed its way across her sheer curtains, and followed its way to him, making him come to.
The light sleeper that he had been in the past, he had adopted using earplugs during academy, only to stubbornly abandon them entirely while she had been “gone” just in case she might’ve miraculously crawled back into bed with him one night.
Now, he found the sensation of them present, and he pulled one out.
Good, he thought, I’m waking up in our room again. It never happened.
He cozily sank back down a little bit into the covers at the thought, feeling the wind swim across the top of the light duvet, and a comforting warmth pressed up against him.
Light, soft fingertips traced their way up his arm and into his hand, only for him to feel the earplug plucked from his grasp and tucked away somewhere safe.
Too tired and pleased with how comfortable he was to register what was happening, he craned his neck to take out his other earplug, and tossed it somewhere into their room. That's going to be really annoying later, he thought, but that's a problem for Future Barry.
He rolled over to fall back asleep, when-
“Rude,” Lup breathily declared with a slight and gentle laugh.
Barry’s heart jumpstarted at the sound of her whispering voice.
Her.
HER.
Her, it’s HER, it’s-
“You should know better that the abyss will swallow that shitty excuse of a noise cancelling device, never to return; only for you to suffer with an uneven number of ear tampons in the future, babe,” she jokingly chastised. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and rolled him over, only to gently tighten her arms nearby his neck and nuzzle against his forehead and cheeks.
She laughed, almost as if inviting the fact that they could just have an easy conversation like this out of nowhere, but-
No, it really was her.
She really was here-
Warm tears unconsciously pooled and leaked onto his face, and his whole body suddenly felt electricity moving through it. Shaking slightly, his arms moved slowly towards her to confirm that she was really there.
She didn’t dare move. He could feel her furrowed, concerned brow pressing up against the side of face, nervous to scare him all the way awake. She breathed quietly and carefully against him, and held fast.
At long last, his palms felt the soft cotton of a t-shirt she had stolen only just months ago from him, and her shoulder blades tensed with relief upon contact with his hands.
His chest heaved, and he sobbed.
“Bear,” she consoled. “Bear, darling, Bear. It’s okay, it’s okay-“
“I…“
“Bear, it’s okay, I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”
“Lup, I…” his voice cracked horribly as he fell into a field of relief and cried against her. She kissed him everywhere she could; his hair, his cheek, his neck - anything she could get her lips on without leaving his gaze of sight. She couldn't take her eyes off of him.
Transfixed as she was, she stumbled all over her words preemptively, anxiously trying to heal his mental and physical wounds with her brazen assuredness. He could tell she was trying so, so hard, even as she was accidentally interrupting him through his sentences.
“Bear, it didn’t even hurt," she promised.
But all he could do was say her name as he rubbed his hands all over her back, grabbing onto her, letting go to rub her again, grabbing and feeling her, and then grabbing onto her over and over.
-
For Lup, it hadn’t been much of anything. One moment she was gone, and the next she was coming to next to her brother. After they had reconnected, Taako had handed her over to Lucretia, who had a sleeping Barry against her. Lup and Lucretia had both helped him into bed, covered him in blankets and given him earplugs, and then had given him space. Then they went to eat food and their feelings about their lost time, as short as it was.
Lup's skin was warm, even through his worn t-shirt and with the cool breeze dancing across them both.
This all must be confusing for her, right? His mind raced. This must be distressing, and if she was distressed, she needed care-
“Hmmm”, she quietly hummed against his face, sensing the anxiety, “Bear, really, I felt no pain. If anything, I left you, and that’ll hurt more than anything I could ever do to you accidentally.”
He breathed, letting it all go for a moment, breathed again, and then kissed her.
A hundred moments of lost time with her could be felt against his lips as she sank into him.
She was everything. She was perfect, and when she pulled away eventually, an accidental tear escaped at the loss.
“Shit,” she laughed, and he laughed back through it all. “I thought that would fuckin’ help? Shit? Fuck! Agh, I'm sorry, babe. Let's just...come here-” she said as they both hugged each other tighter. Finally, he wrapped his arms and legs hard around her, not letting her go. She let out a few triumphant giggles about the extra body contact before asking him what was on his mind.
“I...woke up wanting to believe it never happened. And I knew that you were going to come back, and I could still be good while you were out, and the Light was still going to be here, and-“
Lup took in a deep, intentional breath, and let it out.
He mimicked her breathing, and the room stopped spinning a bit. They laid there for a bit, matching their breathing, coming down from it all.
He finally confessed: “And I knew you were going to be in my arms again, because...you're...the rest of my life.”
She paused, evaluating how she was alive and this was all actually happening; and a genuine, loud giggle erupted from her. Barry found himself clutching her harder somehow as she hid her face in her hands.
“Bear,” she insisted, choking down some easy-to-hide tears through her fingers. “Stop being so fucking sappy at me. Seriously! How are you so good? How am I so lucky?”
“I love you, Lup,” he said, nuzzling his forehead against hers. “Of course I love you. I’m yours for keeps, you know that.”
She happily choked back down more tears, and nuzzled back against him.
“Yeah, I know that. You’re not going anywhere. Not when my claws are so sunk into you.”
He chuckled loudly, not embarrassed or ashamed to let the sound ring through their room. It had been so long since his head hadn’t buzzed at him after the curses, and it was relieving.
The curses...
Suddenly, a thought:
“Hey-“
“Bear, it’s okay,” she interrupted. “Really - I’m here to help you, not the other way around-“
“No, no. Darling, darling. I know that. But I need to ask you something.”
“Oh,” a quiet apology snuck out of her and into the room. “What’s up, babe? Shoot.”
He lifted a hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear to show her forgiveness and care...but he didn't expect the sudden electricity between them as he did so.
She sharply inhaled, and looked up at him. He swallowed hard, knowing what she was silently asking.
Gods, she was beautiful. He had missed that look. He had missed these moments; they made him feel loved, wanted, needed-
It was getting too much to ignore, and they could find their legs and chests pressing harder against each other.
She wanted to lean into it, and give in...but she remembered he was really trying to get at something, and her overwhelming respect of his comfort brought the room down a notch. She laughed at the accidental dejection she was putting upon them both, and repositioned himself to give him space to ask her whatever he needed to. Silently, he read all of this through her body language and unspoken tones, and then:
“Do you…" he attempted, "happen to remember...what you asked me right before…y’know. Before they…”
She pushed against him as a reassuring hug, and then fell back from him a bit. Shifting onto her back slightly for a more comfortable position, she slapped her hand on her face out of embarrassment and groaned.
"What?" he asked, innocently.
"Ugggghghhhh, ugh. Okay, FINE, Barold," she laughed.
Something was lost on him, he knew. "What...what is it?" he asked, pressing back up against her, peppering her cheeks with kisses. "What is it, darling?" his voice rose, teasing her, and she gently pushed him off of her.
She drank him in, and ran her hands through his hair. Gods, he was beautiful. She loved the freckles that only existed on him to dot his laugh lines, and something deep within her set on fire, reminding her that it was okay to be honest with him.
So she was. And she simply told him:
“I asked if my husband was okay.”
"...
“That’s…all?” He asked.
She laughed, gently rubbing his upper arm, and then the air in the room seemed to stop.
Wait, but they weren't married.
Wait-
“I MEAN,” she quickly offered, “I fucking care about you or something, Bear?? I needed to know you were okay!”
"Wait," he said a little bit too loudly, knowing full-well that something was amiss, and was she seriously saying that right now-
"Dude?? It?? It just slipped out of me on accident?? I just?? Okay I'm SORRY, I will never pressure you and it doesn't need to happen and we can still be happy just like this and I really promise you that and ughhhhhh nooo this is NOT how I wanted this to go-"
He wrapped his arms and legs around her, cocooning her, and showered her with kisses until she stopped groaning out of embarassment. He wasn't sure whose heart was pounding harder, but he was certain it wouldn't be the last time he felt like this with her.
“Darling,” he said, his voice low and full of giggles, wrapping his arms around her tighter. His face gave away the fact that this was all very nice, and she immediately pulled him closer. It was all just a bit too delicious.
She had left him, but now she was here...and...
“Dammit, Bear. I’m so- aaaggggghhhh." She hid her eyes with her hand, gently wiping away some tears that had triumphantly escaped from her at last. “Ahhhh, fucking dammit, I’m crying. Dammit!” She laughed. It was all so much-
“Hey…” he quietly brushed his fingers against her hand, and then tried to grasp it. “Hey…”
Their eyes locked. He slid his fingers around hers, and pulled her hand to his lips to tenderly kiss her ring finger - a lingering promise for some other time.
She knew. She was silent, but she knew.
She would give everything for him. She knew she would.
She grabbed his hand back, rubbed his ring finger, and slung him around the back of her neck.
“I love you,” she whispered, pressing her forehead against his.
“I love you too,” he whispered back, and then he kissed her.