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Okay, you can do this.
Jaemin takes a deep breath and tries to calm his heart. He lifts his head slowly and searches for his eyes tentatively, trying to hide his already shaky hands in the pockets of his hoodie.
Here goes nothing.
“Renjun…” he starts out softly, somehow growing more confident now that he finally let a word out, “I think— I think I’m in love with yo—“
“Cut!” Donghyuck yells from his spot on the couch next to them. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs dramatically.
“What?” Jaemin frowns, growing frustrated and Donghyuck stares at him incredulously.
“Renjun, I think I’m in love with you?” he repeats with a grimace. “You’re trying to shoo him back to China then, are you?”
“I barely started!” Jaemin protests, turning to face Jeno for back-up. Jeno shakes his head.
“Jaemin,” Donghyuck starts, crossing his arms, “you’re finally seeing him in person after like a year of face-timing. What you want is to confess your crush and start a relationship, not scare the poor guy into never talking to your clingy ass again, right?”
“But—”
“Nope, I don’t wanna hear it,” Donghyuck throws him a reprimanding look and Jaemin pouts, “you said you want my help. Do you want my help?” he raises his eyebrows, speaking as if Jaemin wasn’t 20, but 5 years old.
“Yeah, I do…” Jaemin mumbles halfheartedly.
“Okay,” he replies, motioning in Jeno’s direction, “now go back to ‘Renjun’ and try again. It’s already been two hours and I don’t wanna miss the game.”
Jaemin sighs, but does as he’s told and turns his attention to Jeno, who was unfortunate enough to come home just in time to be roped into playing his crush.
“You got this, Jaem,” he says with a raised fist.
Jaemin shifts his weight from one leg to the other in an attempt to distract his already restless heart. If just the thought of confessing to Renjun has him feeling like this, he’s honestly scared to think about what the real thing will be like. He exhales deeply. Okay, let’s not think about that now.
He looks at where Jeno is standing in front of him and tries to imagine Renjun. Small, pretty and delicate (but still fearless) Renjun. Ah, there he is.
“Renjun,” he tries to paint the familiar, bright smile he always wears when he sees Jaemin, “I think…” a smile Jaemin’s only seen in pixels, tucked away inside the screen of his computer or phone, “I think I have a crush on you…” he trails off just as a triumphant smile grows on Donghyuck’s face.
But then he sees it. It’s Renjun, in his light blue hoodie, grinning at him with crinkly eyes and a small dimple and radiating a warmth that Jaemin is completely enveloped in, and the thought of having him a few feet away from him instead of 500 miles is enough to send his brain into overdrive, having his heart connect to his mouth instead.
“No…” he whispers, “I’m in love with you…”
To his left, Donghyuck facepalms and Jeno sighs defeatedly.
“That’s it! I’m done! You’re hopeless!” Donghyuck shouts, getting up from the couch.
“Where are you going!” Jaemin protests, throwing his arms up in the air.
He glares at Jaemin, grabbing his jacket. “I’m going to the basketball game.”
“What about me? Renjun’s coming tomorrow!” he pleads with his best pair of puppy eyes, following Donghyuck to the front door.
“The only thing I can do is write you a script and pray you won’t fuck up,” he says with an annoyed huff and Jaemin frowns at the lack of conviction in his words.
“But you’re not even religious,” Jaemin argues.
Donghyuck is halfway out the door when he turns around to make eye contact. “Exactly,” he deadpans, shutting the door in Jaemin’s face as yet another pout finds his lips.
“Sorry, buddy,” Jeno tries from across the room.
---
Jaemin genuinely thinks he passed away and went to Heaven because there is no other plausible explanation for the angel that’s currently sitting next to him as they ride the cab to his apartment. Renjun is sporting a beaming smile, his eyes glued to the window as he tries his best to take in the surrounding views and oh my god, he’s so much smaller and softer and so so much prettier than Jaemin had ever imagined and his heart shrinks a little as he tries to restrain himself from giving him another bone-crushing hug. He settles for his own beaming smile as he admires him instead.
“Wow, your place is so cool!” Renjun yelps excitedly upon entering the apartment. “Is that your room?” he points to a door, throwing his jacket on the couch.
Jaemin follows the direction of his finger from where he’s untying his shoes. “No, that’s Jeno’s room. Mine is the one on the right,” he replies quietly, searching his pockets for the paper Donghyuck gave him.
“Oh! The view is so pretty!” Renjun gasps, abandoning his luggage in favour of staring out the window.
Jaemin fumbles with the worn out paper in an attempt to recall his lines.
“Jaemin?” Renjun calls out, “are you alright?”
Jaemin furrows his brows in confusion, walking towards him.
“It’s just, it’s not like you to be so quiet,” he chuckles softly, starting a series of fireworks in Jaemin’s heart. “I thought you were just nervous at first but it’s been a few hours. Is everything okay?” he looks up at Jaemin with a worry in his eyes that makes his stomach knot.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” he says, barely audible, looking down at the creased paper in his hands.
“What’s that?” Renjun asks.
“Uh… I just wanted to tell you something and I… wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget anything,” Jaemin answers nervously, wiping the sweat of his palms on his jeans.
“So tell me, then,” Renjun grins, plopping down on the couch and patting the spot next to him.
“Okay,” Jaemin sits down, holding out the paper in front of him. “Renjun…” he looks into his eyes and is met with the entire galaxy. Mistake number one.
He clears his throat, turning back to the script. “We’ve been talking for a while…”
“Mhm,” Renjun confirms.
Jaemin looks at him again and catches him running a hand through his hair. His silky, brown hair. He wonders how soft it is, how it would feel to run his own hand through it. Mistake number two.
He snaps out of it and decides to keep his eyes down. “We get along pretty well and correct me if I’m wrong but I think there’s room for more.” Renjun shifts a little closer and Jaemin’s skin is burning where their knees are now touching.
“W-what I’m trying to say is that I…” he trails off and his eyes travel north, landing on what’s simultaneously the prettiest and most dangerous feature on Renjun’s face: his lips. His plush, tinted, soft-looking lips. Jaemin’s lost count of how many times the image of their lips connecting found its way into his brain, of how many times he longed to feel the explosion of a million suns that he’s so sure would happen should he fit Renjun’s lips with his own. And just as he’s about to retreat his gaze and continue his speech, he makes the unlucky decision of lingering, just in time to catch Renjun’s tongue dart out to lick at his bottom lip. Mistake number three.
Something in Jaemin snaps. He doesn’t have the time to think about it, because now his heart took complete control.
“You know what,” he starts with a newfound confidence, crumpling the paper in his fist, “I’m doing this my way,” he searches for Renjun’s eyes. “I’ve liked you from the moment we started talking,” he blurts out, catching Renjun off-guard. He opens his mouth to speak, but Jaemin stops him.
“And I mean like like. I think you are the most brilliant person I know. You are easily the funniest, most caring, thoughtful and definitely the most beautiful person I know,” he says, words stumbling into each other from how fast he’s speaking, “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since day one, I probably have every single word you’ve ever said to me stuck to my brain and it’s killing me how you carry yourself like this…” he stops to take a breath, “this immovable force of nature, this strong, fearless, powerful angel who never takes shit from people, while still being genuinely kind and fuck,” he pauses for effect, inhaling, “I am in love with you, Renjun,” he confesses and his heart instantly feels lighter. Renjun’s jaw drops.
“I am in love with you and I want to continue being in love with you, regardless of your response, although obviously I’d prefer it if you were in love with me too…” he rambles and Renjun laughs.
“You dumbass,” Renjun is now wearing the biggest grin Jaemin’s seen on him and he mirrors it because surely that’s a good sign.
He leans in, cupping Jaemin’s cheeks. “I love you too,” he states simply, the affection in his voice seeping through Jaemin’s heart and sitting next to every other thing that reminds him of Renjun.
“You do?” Jaemin asks, settling his hands on his waist.
“Did me coming from China just to see you not give it away?” he teases, earning a light chuckle.
Jaemin looks at him and this time he looks at him. This is Renjun. Beautiful, elegant, fierce Renjun. It’s not a collection of pixels on his screen, a collection which, by the way, never really did him justice. This is the real Renjun. His Renjun.
“Are you gonna kiss me now, or what?” he says and that’s all Jaemin needs to hear before pressing their lips together, finally, finally closing all the distance between them.