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Soobin had never felt at home. Even in his own home, it never truly felt like home to the blue-haired boy. He always felt that he was alone, even though, physically, he wasn't. He knew that he was never truly alone, but he couldn’t shake the empty feeling.
He had people around him, loving and caring, but he couldn't help but feel like he was missing something. Soobin, though not as often as it seemed, felt out of place, lost in his own world that no one understood.
Maybe I needed to find a new home , he had thought, s omeplace that could possibly feel like home . And though he moved to different apartments often, none of them ever felt like home.
Soobin was alone. Well, partially.
His friends didn't understand how he felt, no matter how much they had tried to. Soobin didn’t know how to explain to them, and the lack of communication took a toll on his friendships.
The only one that seemed to be there for Soobin was the moon, with its round face and all. Sometimes he would see half of him, the man's face on the moon, and other times Soobin saw none of him, but he knew the moon was listening.
He was a come-and-go type of friend, never staying for too long after Soobin finished talking to him. He never said anything, just listened. And maybe he liked that the moon listened and never spoke. Maybe that's why he spent his nights talking to him instead of real people.
It was night once more, the moon on full display, making Soobin admire how pretty he glowed. The tall boy sat on his windowsill, sweatpants hanging loosely around his hips as he wore a black hoodie. His messy blue hair was stuck in all different directions, his knees up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them, resting his temple against them.
Soobin stared up at the moon, in no mood to speak, but the moon understood — he always did. Soobin sighed and closed his eyes, too tired to move. He felt himself go into a deep slumber, the moon watching over him.
Suddenly, Soobin was awoken by a knock. He blinked a few times, adjusting his eyes as he looked around. He was still in the same position, his back and legs aching from it. There was a knock again, and he whipped his head around towards the window.
There stood a boy, not much younger than he was, his hair scruffy, eyes gleaming, a smile on his face as he saw Soobin. Said blue haired boy furrowed his brows, opening the window slowly.
"Hi, Soobin," he said.
"Who are you?" Soobin whispered. He smiled wider.
"Oh, my bad," he chuckled. He stuck out his hand, the smile never leaving his face. "I'm Beomgyu. Can I come in?"
"What are you doing here?" Soobin asked, scooting over as he let himself in.
"You were lonely," the newcomer now known as Beomgyu shrugged, copying Soobin’s stance as he sat, his knees up to his chest. "Thought you would need some company."
"But how did you-"
"You ask too many questions, hyung," he laughed. "Come on, I'm here to listen. So go ahead, spill everything."
And for some weird reason, he did. Soobin told him about himself, about why he felt lonely. Beomgyu nodded, never once interrupting as he listened.
"Soobin-hyung," he said after they had stayed quiet for a few minutes. "You'll never be alone again. Trust me." Soobin nodded his head, trusting him like he said. "I need to go, but I promise I'll be here tomorrow."
Soobin watched him as Beomgyu opened his window again, stepping out. "Beomgyu." He turned at the sound of the elder’s voice. "Thank you."
"Have a good sleep, hyung."
With that, he left. And suddenly, Soobin woke up again in the same position, but the moon was nowhere in sight. It was replaced by the sun and the chirping of birds. Squinting his eyes at the brightness, he dragged himself back to bed, sleeping once more.
After waking up for the second time, he couldn't help but think about Beomgyu. Who was he? Did he really stop by? Was it just a dream?
Nights after that, Soobin waited by his window, hoping to see him again. He never came before Soobin fell asleep, always after.
"Gyu," he had said to him. "Are you just a figment of my imagination?"
"I'm a real person, hyung," he said. "You just dream about me as a way to add a physical figure to your company."
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"Because I feel like keeping you company," Beomgyu shrugged. He scooted closer to Soobin, his hand reaching up to move a stray hair from the latter’s eyes. "Do you trust me?"
"Yes," Soobin nodded. His lips turned upward slightly.
"Come with me," Beomgyu said. Soobin looked at him weirdly, making him laugh. "Come on, follow me."
He took the older boy’s hand as he stood up, bringing him along. He opened the window, stepping out as he waited for Soobin. Carefully, he stepped out, feeling the cool breeze against his exposed skin. He held onto Beomgyu’s hand tightly, gulping as he stared down.
"Jump," he said. Soobin snapped his head towards him, eyes wide.
"What do you mean ju-"
Beomgyu grabbed his waist, flinging them into the sky. Soobin screamed as he closed his eyes, expecting to hit the ground, but still felt the slight breeze. Opening them, he saw that they were flying, something impossible. Soobin let out an airy laugh, holding on to him as he took them to their destination.
The clouds seemed bigger up close, the moon gleamed brighter. Soobin got to see the town that never knew him, never loved him for him. Everything was so small from up there, making the boy realize how small people actually were. It was a pure bliss.
Beomgyu lowered them into a home, setting their feet on the ground before leading Soobin towards the front door.
There was noise everywhere, yelling and laughter. He tugged on his hand, leading Soobin more inside the house. As the noise became louder, Soobin began to see several people his age, running along and having fun.
"Beomgyu," he whispered. "What is this?"
"Welcome home," said boy smiled. "All those who are lonely find themselves here every night when they go to sleep, living in a place they can actually call home."
"This is definitely some Peter Pan shit going on," Soobin mumbled, making him laugh.
"In a way," he said. "This is what you would consider our neverland." He nodded his head towards the noise, bringing Soobin along with him. "Guys, this is Soobin-hyung."
Gripping on to his hand, he shyly smiled and waved. "Hi."
They all introduced themselves happily, not being shy at all. First, there was Yeonjun, a boy with ridiculously pink hair, outgrown. His pouty lips and fox-eyes were the first thing Soobin noticed about him, he couldn’t deny that he was pretty.
Then there was Taheyun, eyes bigger than the moon and brighter than the stars. His smile made Soobin smile, and he somehow felt very calm around him.
Lastly was Hueningkai, a boy almost as tall as Soobin, but probably the most huggable. Soobin, though they had just met, grew fond of the younger boy, and couldn’t help but feel comforted.
They were outgoing, and they weren't afraid to be themselves. They were all so different, yet so alike at the same time. They seemed like they belonged.
After spending much time there, Soobin realized why it was home for them. Everyone was accepting, encouraging, loving. Something he didn't get to experience back in the real world. Beomgyu took him back home after a while, placing him back inside the boy’s room. Soobin looked at him as he sat down again, his smile always present.
"That was amazing," Soobin gushed. "Thank you for that; I needed it."
"Of course," he nodded, but he seemed off.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah," Beomgyu said. "I just- I don't think I can come back anymore, hyung."
"What?" Soobin whispered. "Why not? You'll be gone forever."
"I won't be," Beomgyu shook his head. "You'll find me again one day. I really don't think you'll be needing me anymore."
"I need you," Soobin whimpered. "You can't leave, I can't do this on my own."
"Do you believe in me?" he asked. Soobin nodded quickly. "Then believe me when I say to believe in yourself. You are amazing, Choi Soobin. Believe that."
The tall boy felt the tears stinging in his eyes as Beomgyu got closer, taking his face in his hands. "No, none of that," Beomgyu cooed. "I'll be around, okay? I'm not completely gone."
"Will I ever see you again?" Soobin asked, voice cracking. Beomgyu kissed both of his cheeks, standing up and going towards the window.
"Go find me," he said. And he left.
Soobin woke up with a gasp, feeling the tears on his cheeks. He was gone. He was really gone. Soobin didn't see him for weeks, and he yearned for Beomgyu’s company more and more every day.
Another night without him, and Soobin’s dreams missed him. Soobin missed him. He woke up without him, and unfortunately, got ready for the day, having to run some errands for his mom. After finishing everything, he decided to just go to a park, sitting down on the bench as Beomgyu’s words filled his thoughts.
Go find me.
How? He sighed, looking up from his hands. In the distance, he saw a boy with black hair, scruffy and cute. His laughter could be heard, his smile beyond beautiful. Soobin held his breath, standing up to get a better view. It was him, Beomgyu. For a second he caught Soobin’s eye, then did a double take as he saw him.
He recognized Soobin, he knew he did. The look in his eyes said so. Beomgyu began walking towards him slowly, leaving his friends behind. Once in front of Soobin, he could tell by his unique features that it truly was him.
"Hi," he said nervously. "I know this might sound absurd, but-"
"Beomgyu," Soobin laughed airly. "How's that neverland of yours?"
He let out a wide smile, his arms wrapping around Soobin. "Soobin-hyung," Beomgyu breathed out. "God, I didn't think you'd find me."
"I did," he smiled.
In that moment, staring at him, Soobin figured out what he was missing. It wasn't a new apartment, it wasn't new furniture or redecorating. He realized that home didn't have to be a roof over your head.
Home could be a person. Home was him.
Soobin was one of the lost boys, finding shelter within his own version of Peter Pan. He gave Soobin a home, a place to feel like himself. Staring at him, he felt free — free from the stress, from the emptiness.
"What are you thinking about?" Beomgyu asked, arms still wrapped around his waist.
"That I'm home," Soobin whispered. The blush spreading across Beomgyu’s cheeks made him look pretty; so pretty that Soobin was aching to kiss him.
So he did. He finally kissed the moon. And the moon kissed him back.