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“Sleep early tonight,” Xukun calls out to them as they begin walking down the hall. He’s still in the hotel common area, watching the recordings of their performance today, looking for areas they could all improve in. He’s a good leader, Chengcheng thinks.
“We will,” Chengcheng says back. He feels Justin’s fingers brush against his own.
Xukun glances up from his phone. His eyes flicker down at how their hands are slightly intertwined, and look back up at Chengcheng, an almost apologetic look on his face. Chengcheng stiffens, and moves his hand away from Justin.
You two need to stay away from each other , their manager had said. You’re being too obvious.
Xukun, to his knowledge, doesn’t really mind what’s between him and Justin, but he does mind about their success. Chengcheng can’t jeopardize his years of hard work, nor that of Zhengting, Ziyi, and all the other boys in their group. He can’t jeopardize Justin’s stolen youth either.
“You sleep early too, Kun-ge,” Justin says softly. Xukun smiles at them both, letting them slip down towards their rooms.
Chengcheng tries not to look at Justin when they walk, because even now, when they’re supposed to be safe in the privacy of the hotel, there could still be someone wanting to hurt them hiding in the shadows. He’s learned from a young age that there are eyes and ears everywhere, and all of them would be willing to give up Chengcheng and Justin’s future for a couple of bucks. It’s a cruel world, but Chengcheng’s chosen this path. And so has Justin.
Still, it doesn’t prevent him from wanting to link his own hand with that of the boy by his side. Justin’s hands are small compared to his, the palms hardened from dance and working out and the occasional video game, but they fit perfectly in his own, and that just makes Chengcheng want to lean over him and kiss him silly. They can’t though, not when Nine Percent is kicking off, and not when their days are filled with nothing else except for practice, press, performances, and paparazzi.
Justin stalls when he’s at the front of his hotel door, the small single that their management booked for everyone. It’s right beside Chengcheng’s room. He turns to him.
“Good night,” he says simply.
“Good night,” he replies softly.
Justin closes his door behind him with a resounding click. Chengcheng stands, staring at its surface for a moment before stepping into his own room.
He takes a shower and brushes his teeth, puts a face mask on before nearly falling asleep while waiting for it to be done. He notices that for all the money their management has lavished on them so far, the hotel rooms they booked still aren’t the highest quality; he can hear Justin’s own nightly routine through the thin walls, can hear the trickles of water as the boy showers, the buzzing of his electric toothbrush, the blowdrying of his hair.
Maybe he should feel annoyed that they didn’t find them a better place, but if he’s being completely honest, it soothes him. It’s like he’s in the same room as Justin again, tucking himself in his sheets and watching the boy change into his pyjamas and walk around with a face mask on.
Chengcheng thinks about this as he turns his bedside lamp off and folds himself in the covers. He can still hear Justin on the other side, still shuffling around but seemingly about to sleep as well, and if he closes his eyes, he can imagine that the boy is right in front of him, brushing through his hair and getting ready to tuck himself right beside him.
Chengcheng frowns and presses his eyes shut.
You’re being too obvious .
Right. He’s not allowed to let his imagination get carried away anymore.
So instead, he tries to listen to what Xukun told him to do: sleep early .
He thinks instead about their performance, the hundreds of fans screaming his name, their names. He thinks about Yanjun and Linong and Zhangjing going with him to order bubble tea. He thinks about Ziyi and Zhengting ruffling his hair. He thinks about Xiao Gui running up to him to throw himself onto his back. He thinks about his mom calling him to tell him how proud she is of him. He thinks about his sister sending him a stupid emoji to congratulate him. He thinks about the future he has in front of him, and all the struggles he’s had to go through to reach this point.
It’s a good thought. It just might be worth it.
Might .
Chengcheng turns on his side and lets his eyes fall open. He can hear the sounds of the city right out his window, the way the cars still rush on the streets and how late night workers pace the roads. But he can also hear how Justin seems to not be asleep either, how he’s still turning and shuffling around in his own bed through the wall.
It’s no use. He can’t help but wish that the boy could be right beside him, where he could tuck him into his arms and press his face into the crook of his neck, letting the scent of Justin comfort him more than any other thought could to sleep.
But then, he hears the creaking of Justin’s bed as he raises himself out of it, how his feet shuffle across the floor as he makes his way to the door, how he lets himself out into the hall and towards Chengcheng’s room. And in an instant, Chengcheng is up as well, reaching for the door handle and bringing it open even before Justin can knock.
Justin slips in like a shadow, and Chengcheng closes it quietly so that no one can see what just happened. The boy doesn’t seem to question how Chengcheng knew he was coming, but instead, just loops his arms around Chengcheng’s neck and tucks his face onto his shoulder. He’s very warm.
They stand there for a brief moment, swaying. Chengcheng brings his hands up Justin’s back, resting them gently at the place his shirt gives way to skin, holding him close.
Then Justin says softly, “sleep now?”
“Okay.”
Chengcheng doesn’t let go of Justin when he brings them both to his bed, but Justin doesn’t seem to want to let go of him either.
They go to sleep with Justin enveloped in Chengcheng’s arms, his head tucked carefully in the crook of Chengcheng’s neck, his breath soothing against Chengcheng’s collarbones. Chengcheng closes his eyes and buries his nose in Justin’s damp hair, smelling the scent of the hotel shampoo but also the cool scent of cucumbers the boy always smells like.
Justin’s hands trail into his own, and he intertwines their fingers together.
Justin’s breathing evens out as he falls asleep, and just because he’s been taught that he should take advantage of moments while they last, Chengcheng doesn’t hesitate to press his lips to where his hair meets his forehead before falling asleep as well.