Archive of Our Own ^beta

⚭

You are cordially invited to the wedding of

BANG CHAN & HWANG HYUNJIN

on the THIRTIETH of NOVEMBER

TWO THOUSAND and TWENTY-SIX

at FOUR o’clock in the evening

“You’re kidding,” were the first words to come out of Seungmin’s mouth. Then, “For real?”

The couple doesn’t say anything. They simply kept grinning while showing off Hyunjin’s ring, which Seungmin presumed was their engagement ring. So he looks at the invitation again, mouth gaping at the sudden slap of reality that—yes, he’s an adult, they’re all adults and weddings are normal now, it’s a thing he’d have to go through with a bunch of his college friends. (And he’s also reminded about just how lonely he was.)

Seungmin leans his back on his couch, the wedding invitation still in his hand, glaring at him to read it. He switches back and forth to the couple who had invaded his Sunday afternoon at his apartment to the dusty light pink invitation. 

“You two are really getting married next month?” Seungmin asks, now keeping his eyes at the couple in front of him, hoping for a “Nah, we’re just kidding”, but instead his best friend laughs.

“Is it so hard to believe?” Chan grins, holding his fiancé closer. 

Brutally honest, Seungmin answers, “Yeah.” Chan sighs at his response, tilting his head in a disapproval manner. “I’m sorry, but weddings are expensive as hell. You and Hyunjin work as teachers, still paying off your student debts. Can you handle all these wedding preparations as well as your job, payments for both, and the guests—god, how many guests are you having!? And the venue! Some people have already booked their weddings years ago, and there are so many things to—”

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin snaps their fingers. “Chan-hyung and I have talked about that already. It’s going to be a micro wedding, only with our closest friends and family.” 

“And you know I’d marry Hyunjin in front of a dumpster for all I care.” Hyunjin coos at that, holding Chan’s face and smiling endearingly. Seungmin’s mind travels back and all he can think about is someone saying that to him three years ago, and he almost frowns.

Hyunjin leans to the coffee table, picking up the rest of the cards still inside the envelope. They hand Seungmin the RSVP card, pointing at the choices, “Also I added the option to minus one someone so we can get rid of guests easily!” They say enthusiastically—way too enthusiastically.

“A minus what now?” Seungmin straightens his posture to snatch the card quickly, reading what seemed to be an awfully ridiculous idea but alas, his best friends definitely did it. 

We look forward to celebrating with you. Please respond by

23rd of October, 2026

Kim Seungmin

____ Accept with pleasure

        [    ] Bringing a plus one? Provide name, ______________

        [    ] Taking out a minus one? Provide name, ______________

____ Decline with regrets 

“Do both of you think weddings are a joke?” Seungmin redundantly asks. 

“It’s not like anyone would actually fill it in, lighten up, Seung,” Chan chuckles.

He flips the card over to guide the couple to his next point, “Why is the decline option crossed out?”

“Well, see, you can’t decline,” his best friend grins once more. “Remember when you were drunk that one time when you were in third year and you told me,” Chan clears his throat, mimicking what’s supposed to be Seungmin when drunk, “As your best friend in uni, I’ll be very sad if I’m not your best man. I’ll never talk to you ever again.” 

Seungmin visibly cringes at the pretend baby voice. “First of all, I don’t sound anything like that when drunk.” (He does. They all know it.) “Second, I'm almost sure I have no memory whatsoever of that night.”

“Sure you do!” Hyunjin beams. “We were in fourth year, Chan-hyung just got his masters. You told him that and then we had an adventure to—” they stop abruptly, Chan holding them back, “—the bathroom because you threw up.”

Seungmin blinks at the couple in front of him, then frowning, he asks, “Jin, who’s your best man?”

Hyunjin’s eyes widen, biting their lip in the process. They squeeze Chan’s knee again, this time not to silence him but to get his attention for the two to silently communicate in front of the youngest in the room.

“Hello?” Seungmin snaps his fingers, “I’m right here.”

The couple still kept their stare at each other, Hyunjin longer than Chan before pulling a fake smile to show Seungmin. “My best man is…” they drag on slowly, “He is someone you’re very familiar with.” 

Proud, Hyunjin smiles to themself. 

Incredulous, Seungmin scoffs, and quickly jots down:

   x    Accept with pleasure

       [    ] Bringing a plus one? Provide name, ______________

       [ x ] Taking out a minus one? Provide name,   Seo Changbin  

“Text me when you need me,” he bids, getting up as soon as he throws the card back on the coffee table for the couple to fetch. Hyunjin scrambles forward to check out what Seungmin had written.

“Ya, Kim Seungmin,” they whine, but Seungmin is already walking slowly towards the door. “I can’t uninvite my best friend!”

“Thank you for invading my apartment at four in the afternoon on a Sunday, but I have business to attend to,” he says, not turning back. 

“With who!” Hyunjin shrieks, pulling Seungmin's shoulder before he reaches the door, turning him around. “You have no man!”

Seungmin gasps, mockingly. “How rude! I have a dog.”

“Your dog is a girl,” they taunt. Seungmin flicks their forehead.

Chan laughs, dragging his soon to be spouse right before him. Hyunjin is still complaining, spitting out “I won’t do it! You know I won’t!” and “Babe, your best friend is crazy. He’s crazy!” to which both Chan and Seungmin shake their heads to, leading the tallest out the door. Just before they completely step foot outside, Hyunjin pulls on the doorframe holding them back to tell Seungmin, “He’s still going to be my best man.”

Seungmin didn’t process their words before he shut the door. So he quickly opens it back up, but the couple was already in the car and Hyunjin was sticking out their tongue at him playfully. 

He’s still going to be my best man, the words echoed in the back of his mind. It shouldn’t be a surprise really. Changbin is Hyunjin’s best friend, one of the reasons why he met Changbin in the first place. Still, the reality of it slapped him across the face. Now, not only was he set to be the best man, he also knew that there’s a lot of things to do, and on top of that list, is having to do them with Changbin. To prepare a wedding. That’s going to be held a month from now. With Changbin. His ex-boyfriend. 

⚭

Seungmin sneered his nose, moving away from the couple of drunk students walking towards the room behind him. He noticed it was a bathroom, assuming that the one needing assistance to walk had to either throw up or pee. Either way, Seungmin didn’t care, walking away.

He never planned to go to a party on a Friday night, but his roommate at the time, Chan, told him that he needed to loosen up a little bit. To at least go to one of the college parties just for the sake of experience. What he never predicted is for that night to be friends with one of the greatest people ever. And also, Changbin.

“Seungmin-ah!” he heard Chan’s voice call. He scanned the room, carefully checking where Chan could be sitting. It wasn’t hard to spot a drunk person waving his hand up in the air for Seungmin to follow. Soon, he was sitting beside Chan on the couch in the middle of the living room, his partner on the other side of him. “This is Hyunjin. Babe, this is Seungmin.”

“Hi,” Seungmin greeted timidly, the latter gave him a slight wave, eyes closed and head leaning on Chan’s shoulder. “Are you two drunk already?”

“My partner, yes. Me? Not yet,” Chan screamed into his ear. “Everything is just so loud that’s why I’m shouting.”

“He’s drunk,” someone else told him, sitting on the coffee table in front of them. They offered Seungmin a cup, which he rejected, rightfully so, but the stranger doesn’t miss the chance to roll their eyes, handing Chan a different red cup. 

Just before Chan could accept the cup, Seungmin slapped the drink away, burrowing his eyebrows at the stranger as the clear liquid spilled all over his shirt. What can he say—a stranger offering drinks without introducing themself? Of course it raised a red flag! Chan blinked, sitting up straight, but Seungmin knew he was still out of it and drunk when he leaned back to the couch, cuddling his partner.

Meanwhile—“What the hell!” the stranger screamed, brushing the liquid off their shirt. Briefly, Seungmin tried to study the stranger’s face, attempting to place the face to a name, or at least an encounter at university. They looked familiar, their features belonged to someone he’s seen at least once or twice with Chan, but can't exactly pinpoint when he had seen them. They had pointed black eyes, their blond hair just softly sitting atop, slightly exposing their forehead. Their cheeks were defined but at the same time, round and squishy. Seungmin’s eyes darted just below, noting that their lips were full and pink and—Seungmin averted his gaze—they were also smirking. “You spilled water on me just to check me out?”

Seungmin huffed, “You’re not that pretty.”

The stranger now smiled teasingly, “Never claimed that I was.”

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it, words refusing to leave. More factually, he refused to let the words leave.

“I’m Changbin.”

At that, Chan sat up again, screaming the stranger’s name. Then, he fell back on his partner's arms like a glitching robot.

“I don’t care.”

“You should.” Changbin was still wiping his shirt clean from the spill. Seungmin wondered when he would realize that the stain wasn’t coming off with a couple of brushes by the back of his hand. Giving up, he looks at Seungmin again and calmly said, “I’m Hyunjin’s—aka, your best friend’s partner’s—best friend.” Seungmin kept an unbothered face, but slowly he realized why the stranger looked familiar. “I’m also the host of the party.” Seungmin awaited for the final bomb to drop. “You’re in my apartment.”

Even if he was expecting it, his mouth still fell slightly open, biting his lip and looking away. 

“Now,” Changbin stood up, proud of making the younger speechless. “Would you like a drink, or would you throw that on me too?”

“I wouldn’t mind a drink,” he mumbled, biting his lip.

Changbin shot him an unfeigned smile, “I’ll be right back…?”

Seungmin stares at him, copying how he was leaning his head, waiting for Changbin to finish his own sentence. It was then that it dawned on him that he hadn't introduced himself and that’s what Changbin was waiting for, he immediately panicked, getting up to bow, “I’m Seungmin.”

From there, Seungmin realized just how short Changbin was compared to him. Changbin wasn’t tiny, and Seungmin wasn’t that tall either, but he could see the difference to be at least a couple inches. Though he was taller, Changbin was wider with his broader shoulders and his obviously muscle built body. Changbin bowed shortly after, smiling softly at him. Seungmin felt his knees melt, whether it was the smile or embarrassment earlier was something he didn't want to disclose. 

“Nice to meet you, Seungmin-ssi.”

(It was definitely the smile that made Seungmin's knees weak.)

⚭

“He what—?” Changbin shrieks, right after Hyunjin had informed him regarding Seungmin’s “implausible request”. “And you’re letting him?”

“Of course not, what—” Hyunjin breathes, passing the alcohol to Changbin as an offering to calm down. “You’re literally my best man, I can’t uninvite you.”

“But you would if I wasn’t?” 

Hyunjin tilts their head, as if thinking about it and then shrugging, “I mean…”

“Ya,” Changbin warns in a low tone. “Careful with how you answer, Hyunjin-ah.”

“I’m kidding! Even Chan-hyung would smack me if I uninvited you.”

“Where is Chan-hyung anyway?”

Drinking out with Hyunjin was a rare occasion—drinking isn’t rare for Changbin, it’s with Hyunjin that makes it rare. Hyunjin works as a teacher in their area’s elementary school while Changbin works as a producer. Unlike Hyunjin, his time is more flexible (you can’t put time in creativity, he would always say), so being out with Hyunjin from time-to-time was nice and rare.

Chan, on the other hand, works as a professor. Music classes were usually scheduled in the afternoon, so casually drinking out (sometimes, in) with Chan is actually a more frequent occurrence, which is why it’s dubious for him to not be with Hyunjin, especially when it comes to drinking.

“I told him he can’t come because I want to spend the night with you,” Hyunjin answers, picking up another shot. “That and he’s laying out facts on what you two are supposed to work on together for our wedding with Seungmin.”

Changbin stares at them. “I’m sorry—we have to work together?”

Hyunjin makes a face, “Duh?”

“I’m getting rid of him too,” Changbin mumbles, grabbing the invitation from his work bag. “Let’s see, I just have to check the minus one, right?” Hyunjin doesn't answer him. “And, write Kim Seungmin—”

“Hyung!” Hyunjin whines, taking the pen away.

Changbin snatches the pen back, “You know that he hates me, right?”

“He doesn’t,” Hyunjin tells him, taking the paper now instead. “In all honesty, I think that he thinks you hate him.”

“I—” Changbin refuses to continue that sentence. “Weren’t you just telling me how he chose to uninvite me?”

“He’s joking!”

“Seungmin is a lot of things,” Changbin almost laughs, closing the cap of the pen, “But he lacks that humour.”

“Oh stop being a bitter dumpee,” Hyunjin teases, but Changbin only returns a deadpanning stare.

Yes, Changbin is bitter, but he’s not a dumpee. Their breakup was complicated and if Changbin actually recalled it, all he remembers were doors closing, food served coldly, and screaming back and forth until they’re crying, or maybe just Changbin because Seungmin is so good at being indifferent, then Seungmin was nowhere to be found the next day, no nothing, just an empty bed and closet for Changbin to wake up to.

Changbin knows Seungmin well enough to know when he is or when he isn’t trying to be funny. And their relationship? Something Seungmin would never joke about. Or again, maybe he just gives Seungmin too much benefit of the doubt. 

It’s also true that he and Seungmin ended with the two of them blocking each other on their social media. So, for anyone to theorize who hates who isn’t exactly baseless. Still, Changbin believes Seungmin hates him, after all, he left their apartment so easily that day. While Changbin—well, it’s a little complicated on his side. And it’s also true that Hyunjin and Chan took the breakup harder than one of them (read: Seungmin). 

Okay—maybe that last part isn’t as true since he actually has no idea how Seungmin handled their breakup. But considering how they ended and how brutally he broke Changbin’s heart with the words he uttered that night, or lack thereof the morning after, Changbin wouldn’t have to pull out of thin air if he said that Seungmin would’ve moved on faster. (Even if he never had a new partner after Changbin.)

“Whatever,” Changbin mumbles instead, picking up two more shots.

“Hey, look,” Hyunjin begins again, “Chan-hyung just texted me. Seungmin isn’t giving him a hard time.”

“Well, he isn’t an asshole, Jin.” Frowning, he adds, “He cares about you and hyung a lot.”

“He cares about you, too, you know?”

Changbin laughs coldly, drowning the curses that wanted to escape his throat by washing them down with another shot. 

“What exactly am I supposed to do, anyway?” he manages to change the topic, only subjecting Hyunjin to frown. “Hey, it’s your wedding. Don’t let my relationship with Seungmin bring you down.”

“You know I can’t do that,” they pout. “Can’t it be your groom’s present to at least be civil within ten meters away from each other?”

“You want us to help with this wedding, correct?” (Hyunjin nods.) “Then, I’ll talk to him. For you. And for Chan-hyung.”

“And for you,” Hyunjin adds, Changbin rolls his eyes but Hyunjin only gives him a look. “It’s been two years, hyung. At least try to move on.”

⚭

Seungmin kissed Changbin first. 

Changbin asked Seungmin on a date first. 

Seungmin said “I love you” first. 

Changbin brought up marriage first. 

Seungmin walked away first.

In hindsight, Changbin should’ve seen it coming. Really, he should’ve. Ever since he graduated, jumping from one interview to another, barely getting a call, he and Seungmin have grown distant. With him at work in the field he actually got a degree on, while Changbin worked at a diner, applying for jobs in his field during his day-offs, sometimes during his break or after his shifts. Then he comes back to their apartment, only to check his phone to a text from Seungmin saying “sorry got held up at work. Don’t wait up. love u”. Then, he’d wake up to Seungmin on the other side of the bed. He never wakes him up, knowing how much the younger was tired so he just leaves a note saying, “Gotta run to work, cooked a little bit, it’s in the nook. I love you.”

Whenever he would prepare the table for them to eat dinner together, Changbin would wait such ungodly hours that sometimes he’d fall asleep on the table. And he would be carried by Seungmin up to their bedroom. Sometimes he’d wake up slightly and ask if Seungmin ate and he’d respond yes, and he would kiss Seungmin’s forehead goodnight.

And yeah it was tiring. To have the same routine of getting countless rejects from one studio to another and to come home to a successful boyfriend, who is more often than not stuck at work. So he prepares him food, only for him to never eat it anyway until the morning after because of how tired he was. 

But they worked it out. For the most part they did. They even prepared some lame wedding ideas (he would never call it that when they were together, but broken hearts make you say things you don’t mean) after Changbin’s accidental slip up that he’d like to get married in the future, and Seungmin could not get more excited whenever he would mention the mere idea. Changbin remembers how Seungmin would be the one sending wedding ideas and pictures, as if they were financially stable for a wedding—he also always said things like that.

“Weddings are expensive,” Seungmin mentioned once while watching a wedding romcom. He lifted himself off Changbin for a second, the older pouting at the loss of touch. “We would have to save so much.”

Changbin simply kissed him. He felt Seungmin slightly smile during the kiss, pulling away only when Changbin does. 

“What’s that for?” he asked, still smiling, and Changbin couldn’t help but smile back as he shrugged.

“Just because I could.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes, hitting Changbin softly on the shoulder for being such a romantic. He fell back in his arms, the movie still rolling in front of them. Softly, he played with Seungmin’s hair, because he knew how much the younger loved having his hair played with. 

“Seungmin?” Changbin called. His boyfriend hummed, eyes not sparing away from the movie in front. “I would marry you in front of a garbage dump.”

He turned his head to Changbin, and this time, he was the one to kiss him, giggling while doing so when he felt Changbin smile. 

“I love you,” he mumbled. 

Changbin interlocked their fingers, pulling Seungmin closer, if that was even possible, “I love you, too.”

Because trying to top each other with “I love you more” was ridiculous and stupid, and the couple agreed on, no “I love you more” or “I love you most”. They knew they loved each other, and that was the end of that.

Until, Seungmin told him it’s not there anymore. 

⚭

Changbin returns home via a cab with Hyunjin. Chan had texted him earlier to say that he would pick up Hyunjin from his apartment because he knew how much of a lightweight his fiancé was. He would always say, for someone that tall, you would think they would have a better alcohol tolerance, but nope. Hyunjin is always first to feel the alcohol kick in their system. Seungmin second. Changbin shook his own head at the thought, he’s barely drunk and he’s already thinking of his ex-boyfriend.

He struggled to bring the taller inside his house, the eerie noise of the fridge was the only greeting he got before both he and Hyunjin resigned to fall on the living room’s couch. Changbin figures once Chan picks up Hyunjin and he was once alone in his apartment, he could just crash on the couch. 

“I love you, hyung,” Hyunjin sighs, closing their eyes. Then, they smile a little, “But, I love Chan-hyung more.”

Changbin laughs, “Yeah, I know.”

Hyunjin’s eyes open again, gasping, they say, “I’m getting married to Chan-hyung.”

“Yes,” Changbin agrees. He’s learned to just entertain drunk people if they say anything to him. It just makes it easier rather than anything. “Yes, you are marrying him, you lucky duck.”

Hyunjin giggles, “I wish you find someone too, hyung,” they sigh. “The one you love and would love you, no matter what. And you have to date for a long time too, by the way,” they warn, wagging their finger, “You can’t jump into marriages too fast. You have to wait, like Chan-hyung and I for like, seven years. God, seven years feels long, but it also feels so right. I love him soooo much.”

“He loves you, too, Jin.”

“You have to know them,” Hyunjin continues on, “And—and figure out if they like oatmeal for breakfast. Never date anyone who eats oatmeal.”

Changbin softly chuckles, fully aware that Chan eats oatmeal. “You sure about that?”

As if realizing that their fiancé eats oatmeal, Hyunjin starts giggling uncontrollably once more. “Chan-hyung is an exception, he makes one heck of an oatmeal.”

They sheepishly grins, letting out a deep breath, their eyes giving up on them. “You deserve the best. Only the best,” they pout aggressively. “I don’t want you to end up with some asshole who doesn’t appreciate you for who you are. I’ve watched you dumbly make decisions on relationships ever since you were a sophomore in high school, I can’t let you do that again.

“Always remember that, okay?”

Changbin almost lets out a tear roll down but refrains from doing so, sighing at the same time Hyunjin closes their eyes for the nth time that night.

“Okay, Jin.”

⚭

Seungmin stares at Changbin, who is sitting uneasily on the chair in front of him. He had called the older to meet up a few days ago after Chan sat him down, explaining how he and Hyunjin simply wanted them, for the very least, to be civil when they’re in the same room. In all honesty, Seungmin knew Chan was right. It is unfair how they’re dragging down the soon to be wedded couple with their petty vengeance against each other just because they were bitter. Ever since their breakup, Hyunjin and Chan would always be careful when inviting the two of them. And maybe Changbin knew that too, because even if Seungmin prepares himself just in case Changbin shows up to one of the couple’s gatherings, he never does. It’s quite sad really, but Seungmin is also aware that it’s his fault they ended the way they did, and so he initiated their meet up today.

“Hi,” Changbin finally says, after a few seconds. Seungmin croaks out a quiet “hello” before they’re both sitting awkwardly again, and the only sound heard are the students typing on their laptop and the quiet radio music. “Did you want something? I could order.”

“No, actually I—” just on time, a server walks up to their table, dropping two slices of cake and coffees on their table. Changbin stares at the food in front of him. “I hope you don’t mind, I went ahead and ordered for us.”

Changbin grits his teeth, “I actually don’t eat a lot of sweets now.”

“Oh,” Seungmin mumbles, nibbling on his upper lip. “I’m sure I can get that to take out for me, here,” he raises his hand to call on the server attempting to add onto his order, but Changbin quickly grabs his hand. The both of them stare awkwardly at the grip, forcing Changbin to push his arm lightly away.

“You don’t have to,” he says, picking up the fork. “It’s not like I hate chocolate cake.”

“Right.”

⚭

Changbin hated chocolate cake; Seungmin made him love chocolate cake. 

In high school, Seungmin had a friend who would non-stop bake for them. At one point, Seungmin started learning from their constant hangouts at each other’s houses, and so he learned how to bake chocolate cake. 

For his first year anniversary with Changbin, Seungmin tries to bake the cake by himself from what he could remember in high school. Predictably, he made a couple mistakes—maybe a little bit more than a couple. He just couldn’t get the chocolate cake right, he even burnt one of the batches. He almost tried to contact his old friend, but it’s been three, almost four, years since they graduated and Seungmin just can’t get himself to call them out of nowhere just to ask for a chocolate cake recipe.

When Changbin arrived at his apartment, Seungmin hadn’t completely gotten rid of the failed cakes. Panicking, he quickly wrapped up the mess, but Changbin only smiled, pulling Seungmin by the waist.

He dropped the cake, turning around, and resting his hands on Changbin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I tried to make a chocolate cake, but I couldn’t get the recipe right.”

Changbin only pulled him closer, kissing him softly, and whispered to him sadly, “Is this not the best time to say I don’t like chocolate cake?”

Seungmin pouted, then smugly he told his boyfriend, “You’ve never had my chocolate cake.”

The older raised an eyebrow, looking around the failed cakes on the table. Seungmin rolled his eyes, “In just a couple minutes, I have a good feeling one batch actually made it through.”

On cue, the oven rang. The ambitious baker quickly picked up his mittens, running to the oven and checking if the cake was cooked inside, while Changbin sat with the rest of the failed attempts, a fond smile on his face as he watched his boyfriend focus on his cake.

And since then, Changbin loved chocolate cake. Maybe it wasn’t the cake itself that made him love eating it so much, but because of the boy who was so determined to make the perfect cake, and he loved everything about Seungmin, so naturally, he loved everything he did. 

⚭

Seungmin watches Changbin carefully take a spoonful bite of the cake, not once looking away at the list he handed him earlier. After he kicked Hyunjin and Chan out of his apartment when they were giving out wedding invitations, Seungmin had written down a list of what he (and Changbin) should do in preparation of the wedding as best men. Though his focus wasn’t entirely on how Changbin would react on his list, rather by the cake and if he truly did still like chocolate cake.

“It’s good,” Changbin says eventually.

The younger blinks, “What’s good?”

He only stares at him, “The list, what else?”

“Right,” Seungmin mumbles, looking at the list he printed for himself. “Now, let’s figure out the time and date for us that works—”

“Seungmin,” Changbin interrupts, his voice the same tone he’s all too familiar with that he pauses immediately. It’s the one he uses whenever he needed to talk seriously with Seungmin, or with anyone for that matter.

He doesn’t look at Changbin right away, afraid of whatever he wanted to disclose.

“What?”

“Should we talk about it first?”

“Would that be beneficial?”

Changbin lightly scoffs, looking away. “I suppose it doesn’t matter.”

Seungmin purses his lip, inching forward to say something but reality got the best of him that he only cleared his throat, returning his attention back to the list, half a heart still wanting to reach out to Changbin.

Throughout the day, Seungmin tried. But Changbin acted like he was the only asshole in their relationship. To be frank, they were both at fault. And (from what Seungmin heard from his friends,) Changbin has been very clear that they ended their relationship mutually. So it didn’t make sense for Changbin to act so shallow, just simply trying to find helpful items for the grooms' wedding survival kit.

Seungmin would offer up something and Changbin would barely say a word, most times just a nod, and he’s back to a different item. If he was pissed at Seungmin, maybe he should’ve said something. Seungmin isn’t a fucking psychic, and Changbin is well mature at 27.

They finished the day with nothing more than a goodbye and “See you for when we choose music.”

⚭

“You’re being dramatic,” Chan sneers, patting down the blazer to his shoulder blades. He cuffs his wrist, checking out Seungmin on the mirror.

“I am not!” Seungmin whines. “He really was acting like a huge dick. I would be all “hey, how about this?” nicely, because my parents taught me manners and he would just nod or hum, turning away.”

“Really it isn’t my fault,” Changbin says, leaning on the mirror to look at Hyunjin properly as they button up a dress shirt. “He wanted to cut me off the wedding, was I supposed to work happily with him?”

“I told you he was joking!” Hyunjin almost cries, but laughs at their own words anyway. “And you wanted to kick him off, don’t forget that.”

“Then, maybe he should’ve said that!” Seungmin complains more, pouting aggressively as he hands Chan another jacket, this time with white stitch on the collars. “I can’t fucking read his mind. And by the way, that was a joke. Didn’t know he lost that sense of humour.”

“This is the worst blazer I’ve ever seen,” is the only thing Chan says before Seungmin is grumbling, getting up to grab another jacket.

“Honestly, it’s not just about who uninvites who,” Changbin goes on, rolling his eyes and barely paying attention to what Hyunjin is presenting with their body to him. “Ordering chocolate cake like that wasn’t our thing? It’s like he’s begging for me to punch him.”

“What if I make Chan-hyung wear a dress?” Hyunjin asks, knowing Changbin isn’t paying any attention to them.

“He loves chocolate cake!” Seungmin says through gritting teeth. “He even said he’d want chocolate cake at our—”

Chan looks at him unsteadily, raising an eyebrow. Seungmin is still caught off guard by his own words, but he quickly manages to croak out, “That’s ugly,” referring to the groom’s pants. 

Hyunjin is now trying on a couple of dresses that fit their body, smiling gleefully at themself in the mirror and inviting Changbin to come look. They weren’t going to take it, Hyunjin and Chan had decided for both of them to wear suits, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass when the salesperson invited Hyunjin to try on some dresses.

“You know, Seungmin always told me he wanted to shop together for our…” he trails off, fixing the veil on Hyunjin’s hair. His best friend stares at him from the mirror, frowning sadly. “You look amazing, Jin.”

“Maybe you should voice out your thoughts with him and not me, Seung,” Chan tells him finally, patiently waiting for the salesperson to ring up his tuxedo. “It seems just a lot of frustration and lack of communication.”

“I would but…”

“…I just can’t see us working it out right now,” Changbin softly mumbles. 

Hyunjin offers him a genuine smile, tightly holding his hand as they tell him, “You can’t say that without actually trying, hyung. Maybe actually have a decent talk, it doesn’t even have to be about your relationship right away, like—I don’t know—offer some sort of thought not just nodding and agreeing to whatever he says. Start from there.”

⚭

Seungmin and Changbin got off on the wrong foot—predictably so from the party. After Changbin returned to the living room and offered Seungmin a new cup, he immediately ran to his best friend, dragging them up to his room, and telling Seungmin to watch Chan for the time being. Then, Changbin brought Chan up to his room too, letting the couple sleep off the alcohol. And then, the dooming minutes of silence between the two, until everyone got tired of the party, and Chan was somewhat sober enough to return to his and Seungmin’s dorm. 

Months after the party, Seungmin and Changbin were still yet to find common ground. Sometimes when eating with Chan, and Hyunjin came along, Changbin would also be with them. Those times, Seungmin and Changbin would exchange at least a couple words to each other, but nothing ever beyond that.

Until Chan’s birthday.

The thing was, Hyunjin had been busy around October, so they asked for Changbin and Seungmin’s help. Seungmin—because Chan considers him his best friend and Changbin—because he’s Hyunjin’s best friend, and they told him that they and Seungmin “weren’t close enough for favours”, so they begged him to help out. (Spoiler alert, Changbin found out Hyunjin simply wanted them to bond.)

So, they planned Hyunjin’s idea of the perfect surprise party for their boyfriend. It started off rocky, with Seungmin and Changbin meeting at a coffee shop, sitting down to list some things to be done before the “B-B day”—which stood for “big birthday”. Seungmin didn’t have it in him to tell Changbin that that would mean there were two days, when the older was proud of its name.

Then, it was smooth sailing from there. Seungmin and Changbin clearly worked well together, the only disagreement really was the name. (The one time a very tired Kim Seungmin accidentally called it Chan's B-B day, Changbin bursted out laughing and Seungmin gasped and blamed Changbin that it was his fault. And maybe it was the exhaustion of preparing, when Seungmin found himself chuckling along and eventually, they were just having a laughing menace in the middle of the shop.)

Maybe it was a turning point to their relationship. Because instead of their plans being shared on texts, it started growing to be more personal and friendlier. Then, the meet ups would accidentally turn into just them hanging out instead of planning. Until they stopped using Chan's birthday as a set up for them to actually meet up as friends. And slowly, it turned into dates. 

The rest was history.

⚭

Changbin switches his gaze from the two men who stood before him. He carefully watches as Seungmin squints his eyes at Jisung, a friend Seungmin barely knew before they broke up. Then, he glances at Jisung, who’s unbeknownst to Seungmin’s hidden grudges.

“Seungmin, this is—”

“Jisung, I know,” he interrupts, smiling sweetly. “I know him.”

“Hi,” Jisung greets, genuinely returning the smile. Changbin could sense his ex-boyfriend fighting the urge to scoff and roll his eyes. 

“I asked him to help because he writes a lot of love songs.”

Seungmin snaps his head at Changbin, “Don’t you write love songs too?”

“Changbin-hyung hasn’t really been writing love songs since—” Jisung stutters through the rest of his sentence, as he feels Seungmin openly glare at him for answering instead, “Things happened between…”

“You don’t have to say the full details,” Changbin awkwardly laughs. He gestures at the chair in front of Seungmin, kindly asking him to sit down. Begrudgingly, Seungmin takes the seat, but his annoyance only surfaces above all. 

It was horrible. 

Every time Jisung suggested something, Seungmin always finds a way to turn it down. Changbin tried to understand why. Seungmin has always been a perfectionist, so in a way it made sense. But absolutely none of Jisung’s suggestions even made it through without Seungmin interrupting and dismissing his idea before he could even prove his song could work. 

“What do you suggest then?” Changbin asks, finally aware of what Seungmin is doing.

Seungmin’s gaze darkens. “You tell me, hyung. Aren’t you the expert in artificial writing of love?”

Changbin grits his teeth behind his stoic face. 

“I think we should have a song emphasizing the seven years they were together.”

“Why?”

“Because it shows how long they’ve been together.”

“Some people get married after seven months of dating, what’s your point?”

“And some people breakup three years into a relationship, so sometimes it’s important to acknowledge how long they’ve been together.”

Seungmin doesn’t bother opening his mouth, but painfully glares at Changbin. Jisung sits awkwardly watching the ex-couple stare at each other, grudge beneath their eyes. 

“It will show that no matter what, Hyunjin and Chan-hyung worked it out,” Changbin continues, breaking eye contact and looking at his journal full of songs. “And neither of them left—”

“Because there was something for them to stay—”

“Even if things weren’t working out—”

“Because they believed in each other—”

“Because,” Changbin almost screams, finally looking at Seungmin. “They love each other.”

Seungmin blinks, mouth gaping. He slowly crosses his eyebrows, letting Changbin’s words sink in. “What—do you think I never loved you?”

Changbin doesn’t look away this time. He stares at Seungmin the same way he was, not batting an eye. 

“You tell me.”

He shifts his attention back to the journal again, twirling the pencil around his hand, listing more ideas for what Jisung could write for Hyunjin and Chan. Seungmin aggravatedly gets up, pushing the table slightly, and walking away all at once.

Jisung remains unfazed, “You two clearly have some unresolved issues. I don’t want to be in the middle of this.”

Changbin sighs. “I’ll be right back.”

⚭

“You’re home,” were the first words Changbin uttered upon entering their apartment. Seungmin was sitting in the dining room, arms crossed against his chest, cold food served on the table. He dropped his bags off in their room, coming back to kiss Seungmin on the cheek, but the latter barely gave a reaction.

“You’re late.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Changbin mumbled, grabbing the food and propping them onto the microwave. He turned back to Seungmin to say, “I was out working. Did you feed the dog?”

“You were out with Jisung,” Seungmin said, coldly.

Changbin visibly cringed at his words, walking to the fridge. “No. I was working with Jisung. Out of work hours.”

“Out of work hours!” the younger exasperated. “I suppose you don’t mind if I hang around my coworkers after work hours, too, won’t you?”

“What are you trying to imply here?” Changbin asked, slamming the fridge door harder than necessary. Seungmin flinched, finally looking at Changbin ever since he walked in. 

“I’m just saying, I was here for three goddamn hours, waiting for you to come home, but you couldn’t even shoot up a text saying, “out with my homie!””

“So this isn’t actually about Jisung,” Changbin said as a matter of fact, “You just want to complain about things I did for you not even three months ago.”

“Did I ask for those? I always told you to not wait up.”

Changbin scoffed, “Well, I’m sorry that I wanted to see and spend time with my boyfriend because I work at a diner early in the mornings,” his tone came out more passive aggressive than how he had intended and Seungmin’s eyes shook, filled with anger. “Seung, you’re always asleep before I go, and I’m already asleep before you come home, we never have time, so I wait for you those nights.”

“Is it my fault I get held back so many hours?”

“I—” Changbin took a deep breath, careful to not say anything that would come out wrong. “It’s late, we’re both tired. Let’s just get some sleep, okay?”

“No.”

“What?”

Seungmin got up from his chair, grabbing the food out of the microwave and putting it back on the table.

“I said, no, hyung,” Seungmin said, gathering food for Changbin to eat on his plate. “It’s always like this nowadays, we fight then we sleep it off, we act like nothing happened.”

Changbin deflated, shoulders lumping him and his rage down. “Are you—” he paused, not being able to continue in fear of what comes next, “Are you getting tired?”

Seungmin opened his mouth, stopping from putting more rice on the plate, even though half the bowl was served on his plate already. His body fell on the dining chair, the same time he dropped the spoon. Changbin stood still behind him, defeated, watching the back of Seungmin’s head as he spoke.

“Don’t you feel it, hyung?” Changbin could hear Seungmin’s voice waver. “We just fight more often. You said it yourself, we never have time together. It’s like…” Seungmin sighed deeply, “It’s like we’re not even dating anymore. We just live in this apartment, together, but there’s—hyung, there’s nothing anymore.”

Changbin’s mouth fell open. There were words stuck in his throat that may be the words needed to make him stay. Like, we can cut off some hours, or we’ll work it out like always. But as they scratched inside his throat, Seungmin was already off the chair, hand on the bedroom door and without turning around, said,

“I’ll be gone by morning.”

⚭

“God dammit, Seungmin!” Changbin heaves, pulling Seungmin’s wrist back. “This isn’t about us, okay?!”

Seungmin pulls away, slapping Changbin’s grip off his wrist. His features are angry, staring at Changbin as he lets out exasperated sighs.

“Hyunjin and Chan-hyung need our help,” he continues. As stubborn as Seungmin was, he knows Changbin is right. This is for Hyunjin and Chan, it was never about them to begin with, but somehow along the way, Seungmin thought about them, and how they set up Chan’s birthday. He remembered how it turned out, and he hopelessly hoped, even just for a second, that it would be the same this time around. But that was naive and stupid, and Seungmin should know better than that. “So, will you just come back and help us come up with a song?”

“Fuck you,” Seungmin spits. “Do you think that breakup wasn’t the most painful thing to ever happen to us? To me?”

Changbin doesn’t respond.

“I know when I left the morning with no notes whatsoever, just me and my things out with nothing for you to wake up to was fucked up,” Seungmin admits. “But for you to sit there, thinking I never loved you, like I didn’t dread that day, like I didn’t want to avoid ever having to talk about it because I know we always work it out. How if I could, I wouldn’t have said anything and just went to bed, hoping that we have worked it out instead of this fucked up mess we’re in now.

“I loved you, hyung. I know I wasn’t the greatest at showing it, I know I lacked some aspects but I truly did love you, and I know I’ll never love someone as much as I loved you. And I hurt you, and I’m acknowledging that.”

Changbin opens his mouth but only dryness comes out. Seungmin steadies his breathing, exhaling deeply and wiping his tears softly.

“That's in the past, Seung,” Changbin says, his tone flat. “Now, we need to do this—”

“Will you stop that?” Seungmin begs, “Stop acting like everything's okay. Be angry at me, scream at me, stop trying to excuse everything with the wedding—”

“Fine, you want me to be honest?” Changbin asks, his voice loud.

“Yes!” Seungmin screams back just as loud.

“I’m angry at you for leaving!” he finally snaps. He breathes heavily as Seungmin steps back, nibbling on his bottom lip. “After all these years, I’m still fucking angry and I don’t know where to put all that anger to and so my best solution is to just shove it somewhere in the back of mind instead. Is that what you want to hear?”

Seungmin doesn’t answer, instead he says, “I never wanted to go, hyung,” his voice strains in his throat. “But coming back home to that apartment, it felt more like an obligation than a choice. Love is a choice, I chose to be with you all those years, and nearing that dreadful night—” (Changbin shakes his head, looking away.) “Hyung, it was hard to choose to stay.”

“Why couldn’t you have chosen to talk?”

“Because it always ends the same way—we’ll fight and then pretend everything is okay when neither of us bring it up. It’s an endless cycle and I chose to stop it.”

“You chose to walk away.”

“Yes, I did,” he tells him. “I did, because I know you wouldn’t.” Seungmin breathes through his mouth, “Hyung, that decision wasn’t easy. I didn’t just wake up thinking, I’m going to leave. I didn’t want to, but I was tired,” Changbin grits his teeth, hearing it for the first time, “And I knew you were too. 

“Now, this wedding, it’s—” Seungmin sobs, “Every time I talk about this god damn wedding, I know it’s not about us, but god, I can’t stop thinking about how this could’ve been us too.” 

Changbin cringes, looking away. It’s not just Seungmin who thinks that. Especially not during their little argument at the coffee shop, how reflective their squabble was to their fallen relationship compared to Hyunjin and Chan’s thriving one. 

“You once told me you would write us a love song for our own wedding.” Changbin loved writing love songs; he loved romance in general. He once told Seungmin that he used to watch romantic movies all the time just to get an inspiration, then he teased Seungmin saying that he started writing them more authentically when he met him. Seungmin knew it was real, the songs he’s heard on the radio produced by the infamous SPEARB, were all reflective of their relationship and he remembers smiling, even being giddy, as the music filled the room. Until he left that night, and the only music that filled his car were heart wrenching songs and his sobs echoing in the closed space. “But when Jisung said you stopped writing love songs, I just…” he wipes his eyes, groaning at how fast the tears were falling. He looks away but his gaze still falls at the man in front of him, “I knew how much it screwed you over.”

“And your solution is to choose to walk away again?”

Seungmin chuckles coldly, “It’s what I’m best at.”

“That’s unfair.”

“I know,” Seungmin acknowledges. “And I’m sorry.”

Changbin simply looks away, biting his lip to succumb more tears from falling down.

“I’m not expecting forgiveness, I just want to say that I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry you think that I never loved you, not once in our relationship. I’m sorry for not being as affectionate. I’m sorry if I ever lacked. I’m—” Seungmin takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry for leaving then. And for leaving again now.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Changbin almost sounds like he’s begging. 

“I know that too,” Seungmin tells him. “But we both know this wedding won’t work with the two of us working on it together. So it's best for me to just walk away.”

Seungmin stops just halfway from walking away when Changbin gets a hold of his shoulder, but he doesn’t turn around. Because turning around would be looking at Changbin and walking away after he sees him would be more painful the second time around. He sobs, head hung up hopefully to stop the tears from falling. Some gravity bullshit or whatever, Seungmin doesn’t know. He was a business major for a reason. 

When Changbin doesn’t say anything, Seungmin starts walking again, the older’s hand slowly slipping off his shoulder. 

⚭

Changbin stares at the ceiling, playing with his phone on his knee. He hasn’t told Chan or Hyunjin about his and Seungmin’s encounter a week ago, he’s sure the couple is busy enough with the wedding preparation of finding the perfect colour napkin, or explaining their ideal cake, or whatever else they had to talk to the receptionist about. Honestly, Changbin had no idea. He also had no idea if Seungmin told either Hyunjin or Chan but he knows Seungmin wouldn’t want to add more things for the couple to worry about. It was visible how stressed the couple was about the upcoming event, and Seungmin is anything but an asshole to add more on top of that.

Maybe it’s because he feels bad for Chan and Hyunjin that Changbin spent the whole week wallowing about Seungmin’s words, or maybe it’s because Changbin had a lot to say that every second of the hour leads him back to outside the coffee shop, crying, begging to say the words to make Seungmin stay.

He already spent the past few hours, calling and hanging up before anyone answers Seungmin’s work phone. He knew Seungmin wouldn’t ignore a call on his work phone, but he also knew he has no idea what’s the proper approach to him. 

Changbin listed a few words on the paper that sat in front of him. Some are angry, some are just curses, and there are some that are a little bit on the nicer approach, but it ends with Changbin stuttering through to get his message across. He sighs, picking up his phone again. He’ll figure it out then.

“Hello?” someone greets after two rings, but it wasn’t Seungmin. “You’ve reached Kim Seungmin’s office. Unfortunately, he is out of work today. I’m his assistant, Yang Jeongin. How may I help you?”

“Um, it’s uh, Seo Changbin,” he says, planting his fingers in his eye socket. The one time he actually has given his faith up to god, and it’s not Seungmin.

“Okay, Seo Changbin-nim, how may I help you today?”

“When will he return to the office?”

“According to his schedule, he is off-work for two weeks. In the meantime, his business partner, Lee Minho will be willing to take on any new offers. Would you like to talk to him instead?”

“No,” Changbin answers too quickly. “No, that’s alright. I just need to talk to Seungmin.”

“I can’t give out Kim Seungmin-nim’s personal number, I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.”

“That’s fine. Thanks anyway, Jeongin-ssi”

“You’re very welcome! Have a good rest of your day, bye now.”

Changbin throws his phone on the table. It’s not like he can’t call Seungmin’s phone. He could. But Seungmin hasn’t been answering any of his calls on his personal number, and he doesn’t want to bombard the younger with plenty of missed calls from his ex-boyfriend like he’s some maniac.

He reminds himself that it’s not for him though. That this is for Hyunjin and Chan. So he swallows his pride, dialling Seungmin’s number again. Not a few rings later, Seungmin answers his call.

“Hello?”

“Seungmin!” Changbin shrieks. “Sorry, I called your work phone because you weren't answering and I thought—”

“Oh, no, sorry. I had my phone on silent while walking—um around the park. I wasn’t ignoring you. Do you need anything?”

Changbin’s brain short-circuited. He had all these reasons earlier, had all the things listed on the paper in front of him, but he couldn’t choose exactly one to steer into the right direction. 

“Hyung? Are you still there?”

It took Changbin a second before his brain started working again. “Yes, I’m… here.” 

When Seungmin falls quiet on the other line, Changbin realizes he hadn't really given the younger any reason why he called.

“I need to talk to you.” Simple, not exactly straight to the point, but it gives him room to figure out what to say if Seungmin agrees to meet later. 

“About what?”

“The wedding.” It isn’t technically a lie, but it’s not exactly the only thing Changbin wanted to disclose. “Are you free right now?”

“I’ll pack Chan-hyung’s suitcase, you don’t have to worry about that. Hyunjin said you wanted to pack theirs, so I’ll just step out of your way—”

“You didn’t back out?”

Seungmin is quiet again. “Chan-hyung was determined,” he chuckles softly. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”

“No,” Changbin finally admits. He hears Seungmin take a sharp breath. “Do you maybe want to do it together? Packing, I mean. You don’t have to say yes, I just really, really want to talk to you.”

“Now?”

“If you're free.” Changbin bites on his knuckles, listening to the radio silence on Seungmin’s end. “I mean, if you’re still walking around—”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

“Okay,” he lets out a breath. “I’ll be there—too, obviously.”

“Okay, hyung,” Seungmin laughs lightheartedly. “See you then.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Changbin arrived at the apartment later than Seungmin. He parked his car next to his, running up the stairs but stopping abruptly to compose himself before entering. Seungmin was sitting innocently in the living room, petting the couple’s dogs and—

A dog comes jumping at Changbin, hands clawing at his shirt for him to crouch down and pet her black fur. 

“What—” Changbin wants to ask, but a smile fights any words to come out, “You—”

“I figured she’d want to see you,” Seungmin tells him. “And since we only met in coffee shops, I couldn’t exactly bring her.”

Changbin smiles at Seungmin, interrupted quickly by the dog licking his face. He struggles to calm the dog down, eventually giving up and letting her take over him for a while.

⚭

It’s been almost three years since Changbin and Seungmin started dating, and Changbin was struggling to find the perfect third year anniversary present. He had already gotten Seungmin a pen that he was supposed to sign his first proposal on their first year anniversary. He knows that the pen was still filled up with ink, Seungmin just graduated, and he hasn’t gotten that far in his career yet (though Changbin believed he will soon), so even a refill ink is out of the picture. 

He also got Seungmin a bag on their second year anniversary, telling him that he wouldn't want Seungmin to look like a prey and clueless of what he’s doing once he joins a company. At least with a suitcase, he can make a statement that he’s here for business. (When he gave it to Seungmin, he remembered snickering, and choked out, “Literally.”)

Not to mention the presents for his birthday and on Christmas, sometimes on ordinary days because he simply thought of Seungmin while walking around. So now, he’s hopelessly trying to find something new to give him for their third year anniversary. And when he ran out of original ideas, he begged Hyunjin and Chan for any suggestions.

As predicted, the couple was useless. 

When Changbin asked Hyunjin what they gave Chan, all they responded with was a smirk, and the older felt something crawl inside him, grossed out to hear his best friend's bedroom innuendos.

“Hey you can’t ask me for these. Chan-hyung and I have a very different relationship compared to you and Seungmin,” Hyunjin defended themself, which was a fair explanation. “We would be kinky in the bedroom, while you would—I don’t know—get Seungmin a puppy or something grossly cute and domestic.”

And that’s exactly where Changbin ended up at.

There were two golden retrievers in front of him—both birthed by the same mother, just a couple months old. To his left was a female with beige fur, and the other was a male with white fur, both smiling widely at Changbin as he stood in front of them.

He thought about just bringing Seungmin in to choose for himself, but he decided against that as he was determined to bring home a puppy to surprise the younger. So instead, he sent Hyunjin and Chan a photo of the dogs. Hyunjin freaked out, screaming how Kkami and Berry would have another friend. Chan told Changbin to sit on the ground, with his palm up and whoever comes to him is the one. Despite the suggestion sounding ridiculously stupid, he actually crouched to the floor, calling one of the dogs over, but neither of them moved. Changbin sighed, pulling himself off the floor before a black dog, slightly bigger than the retrievers approached him. 

“Hey there,” Changbin smiled, sitting back down on the ground. “What’s your name?”

“She actually doesn’t have a name yet,” one of the employees answered. “She was dropped off yesterday morning and wouldn’t come out of the cage unless it’s time to eat or clean their cages.”

“What’s she doing out here then?”

The employee shrugged, “Guess she must’ve liked you.”

Changbin visited the shelter a couple of times after that, making sure to finalize everything properly to adopt the samoyed—which Changbin learned was the breed of the puppy. She would always greet Changbin happily, jumping out of the cage like it was a routine while Changbin talked at the counter about what he needed for the dog. 

To surprise Seungmin before he came back to their apartment was harder when the samoyed wouldn’t stop jumping all around the house, skittering its little paws all over the tiled floor. Changbin had to practically hold her in place, but she still escaped his grasp that he eventually gave up, sitting in the living room for Seungmin to come home to.

“Hey,” Seungmin greeted, barely paying attention to the new furry friend Changbin had beside him. He took his shoes off, hanging his book bag by the closet, then headed to the fridge for a glass of water. “What did you want to do today? I was thinking maybe just order in and then some of those romcom movies you really love?”

They discussed what they wanted to not do, but not what they wanted to do for their anniversary. They didn’t want to do anything grand—Changbin knew Seungmin would be tired because the days leading up to their anniversary, there was a huge midterm exam he had to study for, so he convinced Seungmin that they could just stay in.

“Yeah, but maybe we could walk around first, buy some dog food,” Changbin casually mentioned, hoping Seungmin would get the hint.

Seungmin faked a laugh, rolling his eyes, before sitting on the opposite side of the dog on the couch. “If this is one of your “my boyfriend is a puppy” agendas again, I’m not up for it.”

Changbin smiled, leaning close for a quick kiss on Seungmin’s cheek as he drank the glass of water. The younger giggled, as he always did whenever Changbin kissed him. He put the glass on the table beside the couch, grinning cheekily at Changbin before pressing a longer kiss on his lips. 

Almost immediately, Seungmin screeched, pulling away quickly, rambling about something licking his hand, and then he stopped when the black fur came into his line of vision.

“That’s a dog.”

“Yep.”

“I’ve never seen that dog in my life.”

“That will be correct. I met her over two weeks ago.”

“And she’s here.”

“Yes, she’s very much present.”

“In our apartment.”

“That is also true.”

“Hyung.”

“Seungmin.”

“Did you adopt a dog?”

Changbin slowly grinned, picking up the samoyed who quickly terrorized Seungmin’s face with her tongue. “Happy anniversary, she’s no-name!”

Seungmin took a second before he grabbed the dog to him, cuddling it close to his chest, “You really got me a puppy?”

Changbin was still smiling as he nodded, petting the dog snuggled up to Seungmin’s neck. He tried to explain about the process of adopting the dog but once he saw Seungmin’s eyes, he immediately panicked, grabbing the dog away from his arms. 

“Shit, are you allergic?”

“No, you dumbass,” Seungmin laughed, pulling the dog back. “It’s just been a really tough week with the midterms, and I also was stressing out what to get you for our anniversary, and I didn’t want to burden you that I’m too tired to go out, so that made me feel bad because your present isn’t even here yet and now there’s this puppy in front of me and my emotions are just through the roof.”

“Baby,” Changbin cooed, kissing Seungmin’s lips, “Hey, don’t cry, oh my god, this isn’t how I planned this.” 

The tears only continued to rush down his cheeks, Changbin frantically wiping them off, “I can’t help it.” Then, when his vision was clear of Changbin and the dog, he cried even more because that— that is how Seungmin had imagined his future. With Changbin, and a dog, a few years from now, happily still living together, maybe a ring on their fingers to signify their loyalty.

“No,” Changbin cooed, wiping Seungmin’s eyes himself now, “I thought you were slowing down, hey, it’s okay.”

“I just—” Seungmin sniffed, “You mean a lot to me.”

“I got you a dog and you had an epiphany?”

Seungmin punched Changbin’s shoulder teasingly, laughing softly, “God, you’re so annoying.”

“Stop crying,” Changbin assured him. “I’ll always be here, okay?” Seungmin nodded, resting his head against his boyfriend’s forehead, “If I knew you’d cry, I would've set up a camera.”

The younger pushed himself off Changbin, punching him with a whine. “I hate you.”

“You don’t.”

“I don’t,” Seungmin smiled, content. When nothing else made sense to say, he just kissed Changbin. And he mumbled in a barely audible whisper, “I love you.”

“Me or the dog?”

“The dog,” Seungmin joked, chuckling a little. “But mostly you.” He looked at the dog again, “By the end of the week, it will mostly be her.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Changbin wiped his boyfriend’s cheeks once more. “Now, what are we naming her?”

Seungmin finally looked at the dog again, smiling stupidly at how the dog was yapping. His eyebrows furrowed a little, “Did you call her no-name earlier?” 

Changbin nodded, holding a laugh, “In my defense, even the shelter didn’t have a name for her.” Seungmin hummed, blowing out of his mouth since his nose was stuffed. “Here, drink some water,” Changbin said, grabbing the glass Seungmin put on the table earlier. The dog laid down on Seungmin’s lap as he drank some water, before settling down on Changbin’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” Seungmin sniffed, “Let’s brainstorm some puppy names.”

It was a process of laughter and playfully hitting each other as they come up with a name, the dog giving out reactions too. Changbin suggested human names, like Louis, Seungmin immediately turned him down for anything of that sort, suggesting stereotypical dog names himself, like Buddy, and Changbin booed him for it.

They walked around the neighbourhood, expecting the puppy to interact with other dogs but she stayed by the couple sitting under the shade. There were no explanations from the shelter why she jumped at Changbin that day, or why she’d rather stay lazing around with the couple when she’s usually energetic in the house. There were most definitely no explanations why, all of the sudden, when a bee landed on its nose, she only stared at it, cross-eyed, and not moving.

“I think she likes bees,” Seungmin said quietly to prevent the bee from flying away, or worse, accidentally stinging the dog.

“Let’s call her ‘Bee’,” Changbin jokingly suggested. Then while laughing, he gasped, “Honeybee.”

And Seungmin admits, the only reason he agreed was because of how excited Changbin got for calling the dog Honeybee for the first time. So, he didn’t bother putting up a fight, if it meant seeing Changbin smile like that.

⚭

Once the dog exhausted herself, she rested on Changbin’s lap as he calmly petted her head. “Thank you, Seung.”

Seungmin smiles genuinely, getting off the couch and to the kitchen, “Did you want something to drink? I know Chan-hyung said he left some coke in the fridge, and there’s some coffee too—”

“Can we talk about something else first?”

Seungmin’s shoulder falls down, but he picks up a façade before turning around to Changbin with a tight-lipped grin. 

“We really don’t have to. You don’t have to—”

“Yeah, but that’s where we went wrong, Seung,” Changbin awkwardly tells him, “We never talked about the problems.”

Seungmin bites his lip, and for a moment Changbin thought he would snap and leave again, and he really wished he wouldn’t. 

“What do you want to talk about then?”

“I don’t want to be the cause of why our best friend’s supposedly best night ever is ruined,” he discloses. “I know we have our issues, and I’m not trying to erase that but can we maybe work out something?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“A truce?” Seungmin offers, walking to where Changbin was sitting, his hand out. “A present for the grooms.”

“Wait, what—”

“I know you hate me for leaving you just like that,” Changbin visibly cringes at his words, because he really doesn’t hate Seungmin. In fact, he can’t hate Seungmin, no matter how much he tried after he left that morning. Even if he had to ask Chan to bring the dog with him to Seungmin, with Changbin’s message that he got that dog for him, and to take care of her well. There were so many reasons that Changbin could list that if someone looked at it from a different perspective, Changbin is a fool for not hating Seungmin. But is it foolish when he knows he still loves Seungmin despite everything? “But I care about Hyunjin and Chan-hyung, and I know you do too.

“So can we press pause on your hatred for me and be civil until—” Seungmin pauses, his hand still extended up to Changbin’s face. “Until they get married and we’re off on our own ways again?”

But he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to let go of Seungmin like that again. At the same time, it was selfish for him to use this to get closer with him again, to mend their broken hearts into one when Seungmin is damn determined for his present.

“I forgive you,” Changbin says. And for once, Seungmin is the one caught off guard. “I was hurt, yes, but all these years with pent up anger, I never once acknowledged that relationships are between two people.

“I admit I was a little bit selfish, always telling myself that you just shrugged our relationship like it was nothing. I failed to realize that just because I wasn’t the one who walked away, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t hurt. So, I had this made up image of you that never loved me.”

Seungmin doesn’t say anything, slowly putting his arm down to his side. 

Changbin lifts the dog off his lap and stands up to level Seungmin. “I’m sorry, Seung,” he says soon enough. “For believing that you never loved me just because I was blinded by pain and I failed to recognize yours.”

“But, if what you want is a truce—” Seungmin interrupts him with a hug, catching Changbin off guard and almost falling behind but Seungmin holds him close to his arms so that they both remain balanced. 

“I don’t want a truce,” he mumbles softly, face shoved on Changbin’s shoulder like he usually does even though he’s four inches taller. He pushes the older off, calmly wiping his eyes. 

Changbin takes the opportunity to overlap his hands on top of his, helping to wipe the tears away, a teasing smile printed on his face, “What are you ugly crying for, you baby!”

“Shut up,” Seungmin laughs, letting Changbin brush his tears off. “I missed you.” Before Changbin can respond, Honeybee jumps at them again, asking to be carried as if she was still a puppy. “She missed you too.”

“Well, worry not,” Changbin says, pulling Seungmin to kneel down with him and pet the dog. “I’m here to stay.”

⚭

Things were evidently easier once both hearts were relieved from pain. Maybe Chan and Hyunjin were right. All they really needed was a proper communication, and they got it. It doesn’t mean they have to date again, though if Changbin is being honest, he wouldn’t be against the idea. But there were still things to change, things to talk about. Having acknowledged their pain was one thing, to rebuild their relationship back up is another. 

And to be perfectly honest, they weren’t the best at it.

While packing for the couple’s honeymoon, Changbin and Seungmin were talking non-stop. Catching up with each other’s lives, and letting the dog jump all around, entertaining them. It was endless of stories that Hyunjin and Chan came back home to them, just finishing up. (Chan and Hyunjin don't miss a chance to throw a teasing smile and raise eyebrows as if to send a message to their respective best friends. Both Changbin and Seungmin ignore it, leaving the house all at once. Changbin bidded Seungmin goodbye, a simple hug, before petting the dog and walking to his car and driving away.)

Now, while preparing for the bachelor party (because Hyunjin and Chan thought there was no point in throwing two different parties when they have the same group of friends anyway, plus it would be double the cost to have two parties, and for what?), it was as if Changbin and Seungmin ran out of stories to tell. It was painfully quiet, and Changbin couldn’t stop his leg from shaking, just wanting to blurt out the first thing to come out of his mouth. 

Which he did.

“Okay fuck this,” he says. Seungmin looks up from his laptop, staring at him. “I don’t know about you, but this silence is slowly killing me, Seung.”

Seungmin lets out a painful chuckle, “Yeah, I—” he sighs, “I didn’t know where to start to be honest.”

“Here let’s think of a memory,” Changbin kicks off, “Something related to drinking, like the party, so it’s not awkward.”

“Okay um, do you remember when we’d drink out, all four of us, and we would do the dumbest shit?” Seungmin smiles solely to himself recalling the memories but still, he glances up in hopes that Changbin would also recall some memories. 

“That one time when Jin wanted to describe their dream wedding—” Changbin begins.

“—And Chan-hyung pulls out his phone,” Seungmin joins in a huge smile on his face pointing at Changbin, as if to direct them both in the same memory, “Because he wanted to list it down for them,” they both laugh, ending the sound with a sigh.

Seungmin is still smiling, looking away, “I thought for a long time I had dreamt that,” he confesses, “But like, I think it’s slowly coming back to me. I think—I don’t know. God, I was a little drunk that night.”

“I’m sorry—a little?” Changbin muses, a sly smirk on his face. “You were practically holding all of us to stand up.”

The younger rolls his eyes, “Okay, maybe I was very drunk.”

“Maybe,” he mocks, “You threw up on me that night.”

Seungmin’s eyes widen, “I did?”

Changbin laughs, “Yeah! Remember how I said before Jin and I picked you both up that I’d wear my favourite shirt?”

“Is that why I never saw it again?” The latter only nods, still laughing. “That’s a shame, you looked good in that shirt.”

“You told me I looked better without it.”

“Oh, shut up,” he snarks, pushing the older slightly but there’s no bite to his words. “I was drunk.” 

“What do you remember from that night?”

“Honestly?” he asks redundantly, “Nothing.” (Changbin gasps softly.) “Well, Hyunjin and Chan-hyung told me when they were giving out invitations that I said that I’ll never talk to Chan-hyung if he doesn’t pick me as his best man.”

Changbin nods, as if recalling the memory. “We almost got married that night.”

Seungmin chokes on his drink, Changbin quickly handing him a napkin to wipe his nose. “We almost—what?!”

“We didn’t though!” Changbin defends, wiping the table.

“How?”

“Well, I told Jin I know I’d be their best man and then I said they’ll be my best person. Then, they actually said they were ready to be one, so I said “bet, Seungmin let’s get married.” and you said yes.”

“Why is this the first time I’m hearing this?” Seungmin asks, his voice lit up in amusement, encouraging Changbin to continue his story.

“I didn’t know you don’t remember anything from that night until now!” Then, he continues, “We were in front of the building for the officiant, but they were closed. Chan-hyung said he’ll do it, but while exchanging rings, which were just candy, you threw up on me, then we went back to the dorms. The end.”

Changbin leaves the table quickly to throw the wet napkins out. Seungmin mulls on the newfound story, smiling softly to himself at how easy it was for him to agree on marriage with Changbin all those years ago. 

“Hyung,” Seungmin starts again, looking at Changbin as he sits back down, “What’d you say in your vow?”

Changbin opens his mouth, but only air comes out with an awkward laugh, offering Seungmin a half crooked smile. “There was nothing in that drunken vow that I wouldn’t have ever said to you sober.”

He softly sighs, focusing back on his laptop. Seungmin copies his actions but his mind is still preoccupied, thinking about what could’ve happened if they weren’t drunk. Or if the officiant was there to open the building. Or if he hadn’t thrown up on Changbin during the vows.

“It’s nice, right?” Changbin asks, interrupting his thoughts. “To talk about it without any grudges.”

“For starters, I think you can drop “it” and call it “our relationship” instead,” Seungmin chuckles, genuinely smiling. “It’s good to acknowledge things. Helps you heal if you talk about what “it” is, instead of code-naming.”

Seungmin offers him a teeth full of smile, before refocusing the conversation back to the bachelor party. He puts on his inner businessman to work and as always, Changbin watches him fondly, a small smile on his face never caught by Seungmin. And if he did, Changbin wouldn’t bat an eye just to see Seungmin shyly smile, and push him lightly.

Just like always.

Just like the past.

⚭

The worst part of a wedding isn’t the planning. It’s the arrival to the destination.

Changbin had his fair share of attending his friend’s wedding. At his age, it isn’t entirely a surprise that his friends were getting married. Though that never stopped the neverending questions of “Are you bringing a date this time?” or “When are you going to get married?” and the obvious: “Next time, it’s going to be you up there.” and Changbin would smile, watching his friends get married, but needless to say, he remains painfully single. Whether that’s unfortunate or not, Changbin wonders, is up to the boy next to him.

See, Hyunjin and Chan were adventurous. They liked to explore, much to the dismay of their guests (which Changbin later learned is another tactic of theirs to get rid of some guests), and so they wanted to get married in the mountains, where it’s even colder—especially for a winter wedding. In the past weddings he’s attended, Changbin would drive 10 minutes, maybe half an hour at most to the venue. For his best friend’s wedding, he’s stuck in the car for almost three hours with his ex-boyfriend (and of course, the couple because they trust Seungmin enough to ride in the back of his car days before their wedding.)

The ride was mostly entertaining. Hyunjin is loud and has plenty of obnoxious road trip games. Though only they and Chan could enjoy it because—“Changbin-hyung, you’re doing it wrong!” and Seungmin is “too preoccupied by the road” to play a simple car game. That only meant Changbin was at the bottom of the barrel for each game. 

Arriving at the hotel, the couple told Changbin and Seungmin that they had specifically booked two rooms for four of them, both with two beds. For a second, Changbin thought (maybe a little bit hoped) that he and Seungmin would be roomed together. But that was immediately shut down when Chan talked about a superstition that you can’t see your partner the day before your wedding, hence the pairs being Changbin and Hyunjin, and Chan and Seungmin would share the other room. 

“Disappointed?” Hyunjin teased, sitting beside Changbin, a couple feet away from Seungmin who’s trying to gather heat from the fireplace and an equal distance away from Chan by the front desk. “I can read you like a book,” they gnarl. 

“Shut up,” is all Changbin could say and so Hyunjin drops it, a small smirk still on their face. “Stop it.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

Changbin glares at them, hissing when Hyunjin simply grinned innocently, scrolling through their phone. 

“You’re so annoying.”

Hyunjin hums, “At least I can acknowledge that. Can you acknowledge hearts beating once again?” 

Changbin glances at Seungmin who’s still cuddled up by the fireplace, grinning awkwardly at them when he shares eye contact. Hyunjin waves at him, whispering in Changbin’s ear. 

“Don’t think I don’t see it, hyung. Remember, I noticed you liked him first before you even acknowledged it.”

Seungmin is driving again, this time though, he was driving to the party’s venue just to go over last minute things before the last party Chan and Hyunjin would attend as bachelors. Unlike the drive up the mountains, Seungmin is visibly more careful with driving, and Changbin knew him well enough to know it’s not because of his uncertainty with the road.

“You okay?” Changbin asks.

Seungmin glances at him briefly, shooting a shaky smile, and back to the road, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Changbin shrugs, picking up an air pump. It was his brilliant idea to fill the limousine later with balloons for when the soon to be wed couple rides with them to the restaurant and the casino later. Seungmin obviously disproved the idea at first, but Changbin knows exactly what to do to get him to agree, he always uses the same method—smile at him and continuously bug him about the idea until he gives up and agrees. Works flawlessly every time.

“You’re just awfully quiet, I thought something’s up.” Seungmin shakes his head, not uttering a word. Changbin raises his eyebrow, poking Seungmin’s hand on the wheel with the nozzle of his air pump to gain his attention. “You sure?”

Seungmin finally sights, “This party is the last party Chan-hyung and Hyunjin would ever go to before getting married. If we mess it up, I have to live through eternity bearing that in mind.”

Changbin chuckles softly, earning a glare from the younger, before he looks at the road ahead again.

“Whatever we do, I’m sure Chan-hyung and Hyunjin would love it,” Changbin knots another balloon, picking up a marker and drawing a smiley face. He turns the balloon to Seungmin’s visual field, “Even the balloon is smiling at you for your good work.”

Seungmin shakes his head, a smile inevitably reaching his ears, “Thanks, hyung.”

“Hey, don’t thank me,” he cheekily responds, a sly grin on his face, “Thank the balloon.”

“I’m not thanking that.”

“Come on, just thank it.”

Seungmin moves his head away, sneering at the balloon and Changbin. “Nu-uh.”

Changbin pouts, still pushing the balloon in his direction. “He’s getting sad—”

“Stop it—” Seungmin laughs, pushing the object away, “Hyung, I’m driving—” he tries but Changbin carefully distracts him even more. “I’m serious, stoooop,” but his laughter still echoes the entire car, Changbin’s laugh flowing along.

They abruptly stop when Changbin’s phone rings, immediately throwing the balloon to the back seat and answering the call.

“Hello?”

Seungmin’s eyes are back on the road, both hands glued on the wheel as he drives past the buildings, looking around if they were anywhere near in an attempt to refrain from eavesdropping.

Of course he fails, especially when he hears Changbin call Jisung’s name and his smile immediately drops. Changbin eyes him on the side, lowering his voice.

“I’m actually on the way to the restaurant with Seungmin. No, we should be back before then. We have to change and we’re riding the limousine with Jin and Chan-hyung. I’ll check it out, just meet me in the lobby. Okay. See you later, Sungie.”

When Changbin drops the call, Seungmin doesn’t say anything right away and the silence slowly won over them again. Changbin picks up the air pump, blowing another balloon when Seungmin speaks up, “Sungie, huh?”

Changbin rolls his eyes at Seungmin’s teasing grin, “It’s just a nickname.”

“Mhm,” Seungmin hums, “I’m sure that’s it.”

“What, are you jealous?” Changbin teases, not realizing the weight of his words until Seungmin uncomfortably shifts on his seat. “Sorry.”

Seungmin chuckles, his voice strained and his shoulders tensed, “You have nothing to apologize for,” he tells him out loud, but his face says otherwise, “It’s not like we’re in a relationship. I don’t have a place to be.”

“Right,” Changbin mumbles and Seungmin parks shortly after. He doesn’t bother telling Changbin that they’ve arrived, he just walks out the car immediately, taking in a few deep breaths before putting on a smile and knocking on Changbin’s window. 

⚭

The party went well.

After eating steaks and wine, because that was the tradition for bachelor parties, they immediately lose themselves in the casino. Changbin and Seungmin placed bets carelessly, the alcohol driving their actions and not putting much thoughts into their decisions.

Arriving back at the hotel, neither Changbin nor Seungmin were sober enough to lift themselves up to their separated rooms. Though, evidently, Seungmin is way drunk compared to Changbin. He did have a better alcohol tolerance than the younger, so it isn’t anything new.

“You know,” he hiccups, “I thought we would share a room together.”

Changbin agrees, laughing for no reason. “I kinda hoped we were.”

Seungmin stares at him, but his mind is still hazed with alcohol. “Hoped?” he repeats, struggling to grab the keycard out of the back of his phone. “Why would you want to share a room with me?”

“Share a bed with you,” Changbin corrects, and soon Seungmin is giggling with him. None of the words actually register inside their brains.

Eventually, Seungmin got his keycard out, and the two entered Seungmin’s room. Seungmin drops on the bed head planted on the sheets. Changbin rolls him so his back is against the bed while his head is propped up by his arm, lying too close next to Seungmin, watching him admiringly. Seungmin smiles softly, staring back at the older.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbles, tracing Changbin’s features. Changbin doesn’t respond, just closes his eyes, letting the mere sensation of Seungmin’s fingertips against his skin. “Will you kiss me?”

Changbin opens his eyes comically, checking to see for any hints of smirk lingering in Seungmin’s face as if he was just pulling Changbin’s leg. But Seungmin remains unfazed and stops tracing Changbin’s features with his fingertips, rather pulling him closer. When Changbin feels Seungmin’s faint breathing against his lips, he lets his eyes drop once more, inching closer until their lips almost touch.

Almost because Seungmin’s phone rang, and Changbin is quick to drop his exhausted limbs on the bed, and the latter shoots his body straight up to sit.

“Hello?” he greets, a sudden ghost of sobriety summoning with his body. “Yeah, Changbin-hyung is with me.” Changbin sits up from the bed, looking at Seungmin beside him. “Okay. You two take care. No, we’ll be fine. Okay. Goodnight, hyung.”

“Was that Chan-hyung?” Changbin asks, as soon as Seungmin ends the call.

“Um yeah,” he responds. “He said he was staying at your room with Hyunjin, so he asked if you can stay with me tonight instead.”

“Oh,” is all Changbin said.

“Yeah,” Seungmin offers.

They sit in silence for a while, not knowing where to go or what to do when they realize what was happening earlier or what was meant to be happening right now, and where it would’ve escalated if Chan hadn’t called. Seungmin is first to speak up.

“I think Chan-hyung dropped some water in the fridge,” he crawls towards the mini-fridge beneath the TV, throwing a bottle on the bed for Changbin to catch. “And um, I’m sure you can still fit in one of my shirts,” he continues, now crawling to his luggage, throwing it open to reveal a couple of sleepwear attires he had prepared for the few nights they were staying up the mountains. Changbin watches him carefully, waiting for him to throw a shirt back. “Here, this one's pretty loose on me, so I think it would fit you,” he says, throwing behind a shirt, refusing to look at Changbin. Seungmin may be taller than Changbin, but Changbin is broader in width than him. “And shorts. Or you can wear your boxers, I know you're more comfortable sleeping like that.”

“Will you be comfortable with me sleeping with just that?”

“Yeah, why not?” Seungmin remains stoic, head still turned away from Changbin, “It’s not like we’re sleeping on the same bed.”

“We’re not?” the younger finally loses his indifference, eyes widening in shock. Before he can provide a response, Changbin flails his arms, “Right, of course, we’re not. That would be ridiculous, right?” He picks up the shirt and shorts, chuckling awkwardly, “I’ll go get changed.”

Seungmin nods, returning back to his suitcase to find a shirt and a pair of shorts for himself, trying his hardest to erase the memory of him asking Changbin to kiss him earlier. He closes his eyes, shoving the shirt in his face until he could feel his eyes in its sockets.

Once Changbin walks out of the washroom, Seungmin doesn't waste time running in the room himself. He aims to not talk or look at Changbin for the rest of the night, not especially after the stunt he pulled earlier.

Seungmin watches himself in the mirror, cursing at himself for not handling his alcohol well, and letting it drive his mind. He sighs, closing his eyes, knowing full well that it wasn’t just the alcohol talking. He jumps in the shower, hoping Changbin would fall asleep by the time he’s done.

Nope.

Changbin is still awake by the time Seungmin walks out of the washroom, comfortably lying on the other bed, his head supported by his arms like they were pillows. He glances at the younger walking out, but doesn’t say anything, turning away quickly. Seungmin sat on the far end of his bed, trying to be as far away from Changbin as possible for reasons he doesn’t quite understand. Only the sound of the heater filled the room, combined with the mini fridge’s humming. He slyly attempts to look at Changbin, expecting him to be looking at the ceiling, (wishing he was looking at him,) but instead, Changbin’s eyes were closed, his breathing even.

Seungmin slides down the bed, his body now fully turned to Changbin, still on the further side of the bed away from the older.

Watching Changbin sleep isn’t an unusual recurrence for Seungmin. In the three years they were together, he can’t admit how many times he’s watched him, not because of embarrassment but because it happened too often. Not in a creepy way—he was simply admiring how much younger and peaceful his ex-boyfriend looked.

It was more frequent when Seungmin had less time in the apartment, more caught up at work that the only time he really spends with Changbin is in bed but with the older asleep, exhausted from his own job. Sometimes, Changbin would speak in his sleep, and Seungmin would only smile because more often than not, he’s dreaming about Seungmin, mumbling his name. During those times, Seungmin would cuddle close to Changbin’s arms. And as if it was a reflective response, Changbin would unconsciously wrap his arms around Seungmin, kissing the top of his head, and he’s perfectly calm before falling asleep.

He remembers quite well, the night before he and Changbin fought one last time and ended things, how peaceful Changbin looked while sleeping and in response, Seungmin softly cried. Changbin opened his eyes to Seungmin’s sobs, apparently loud enough for Changbin to wake up to that night. He asked him what was wrong but Seungmin shook his head as a response, “Just work stuff, it’s stressful and overwhelming,” he lied, brushing the tears away. Changbin got out of bed, leaving the room all at once while confusion arose on Seungmin. When he returned, he was carrying their dog, placing her in between them on the bed. He kissed the top of Seungmin’s forehead for what he never thought as the last time, then he hugged the both of them to sleep, dry tears still stained his cheeks.

Loving Changbin is a choice he hadn’t meant to give up on, he wished he didn’t have to end it like that. He had the next day planned, his first step was to beg to come home early from work. Once granted, he immediately texted Changbin to let him know he’ll be home early. He dropped by the grocery to pick up some items. He had everything nicely planned: have a pleasant dinner, remind himself and the both of them why they were dating in the first place, and things would run smoothly again. But instead, it led to a fight, and it was messy, and here they are now.

Seungmin wipes his eyes. Because Changbin is right there, so close to him yet so far away. And he wants to reach out, to touch him, be with him, but he’s terrified. Terrified that he’ll fuck up again, that the feeling is only there because Changbin is here. And he doesn’t even know if Changbin is even willing to take the jump with him. To choose love again. That if things were bad, he and Changbin would choose to talk. And choosing to walk away would be an option neither of them would take.

He closes his eyes, letting the tears roll down the bridge of his nose and onto the pillow, attempting to sleep the same way he did that night. But he opens his eyes to the bed sinking beside him and Changbin pulls him close to his chest. He almost wants to protest, to say he’s fine but Changbin is quick witted in a sense that he knows what’s going on in Seungmin’s mind before he could even say anything.

“Shh,” he calmly runs his fingers through Seungmin’s hair, “Don’t worry about it,” he whispers, eyes still closed. Seungmin simply hugs him closer, sobs soon dying out as he falls asleep, safe and sound in Changbin’s arms.

⚭

Changbin woke up first the day they broke up and the day before the wedding rehearsal.

He didn’t know things were going to end that night, but he had a feeling. That feeling of something bad was going to happen, and he had no idea how to stop it, how to make Seungmin stay even though his arms are still wrapped tightly around his waist, the dog long gone between them, head resting on his chest.

Changbin slides down this time to level with Seungmin’s head, careful to not wake him up. He points out every minute detail in Seungmin’s face.

Compared to two years ago, Seungmin had developed a crease on his forehead, probably from all the stress he was going through at work. Changbin remembers that even when he was asleep, he tended to knot his forehead as well and he would always try to massage it. Seungmin once told him it was helpful to calm him down especially when dreaming. So he tries to do it again now, softly and careful as to not wake the younger up.

Other than the crease, Seungmin remains the same. His hair falls softly just above his eyebrows because he never once changed his hairstyle, afraid for the reaction. Changbin chuckles softly at the memory of how he and Chan, with Hyunjin’s support (because they were a student teacher miles away from university), dyed his hair for the first time, teasing him how could a 20-year old live his life and never once dyed his hair?

And Changbin remembers kissing Seungmin for the first time, the smell of fresh dye lingering in the air but Changbin pays no attention to that, focused on the soft, plump lips against his. It was an accident at first, Seungmin couldn’t contain his excitement after seeing his hair and ran to hug Changbin to thank him for the idea, but his lips accidentally touched the shorter male’s. Then, it was quiet, but not the quiet that you’d be uncomfortable to sit in. It was a type of quiet where it’s setting the mood for that one special kiss. Seungmin leaned in first and Changbin sloppily followed. (Embarrassing, he knows, but he wouldn’t trade that moment for a perfect first kiss any day.)

Now, lying there so close to Seungmin again after two years, his lips tremble, wondering, how did they end up where they are. But he’s not expecting an answer. Not that he would’ve gotten any anyway, Seungmin is still sound asleep in his arms. He wonders, at what point did everything go wrong. Then out loud, he asks, “Is it foolish of me to hope for us again?” his voice wavers, succumbing his tears.

Changbin wipes the welled-up tears, kissing the top of Seungmin’s forehead, just like always, before untangling his arms from him, and replacing a pillow for Seungmin to hold. He carefully walks around the bed, picking his items from last night, and leaving the room without a trace of his presence.

Except once the door closes behind him, Seungmin opens his eyes, hugging the pillow Changbin had given him suffocatingly, as he quietly cries to himself.

⚭

To no surprise, Changbin and Seungmin ended up having to walk awkwardly together down the aisle. Chan nudges Seungmin softly once he stands beside him, waiting for Hyunjin to walk down the aisle.

“You okay?” Chan whispers.

Seungmin leans in to whisper back, “I don’t think you’re supposed to talk while waiting for your groom to enter.”

Chan returns the reply with a disappointed look, but Seungmin looks away before guilt eats him up. But the universe seems to hate him because when he looks away from Chan, his eyes land on Changbin who is staring him dead in the eye. Seungmin shifts on his spot, returning his attention to Chan, but Changbin’s gaze burns in the back of his mind.

He was lucky enough to not have to go through a rehearsal dinner though, he knew he would have to enter with Changbin next to him again, maybe even sit across from each other. As soon as they were let off after the wedding rehearsal, Seungmin jumped back to his car, ready to leave when the door to the passenger seat opened and Seo Changbin was sitting in his car.

“You should lock your doors,” Changbin mumbles. 

“I’m sorry, I have to go pick up my present for Chan-hyung and Hyunjin. It’s—”

“Can we talk?” Changbin interrupts, “About last night?”

“Hyung—”

“Or I can talk, you don’t have to say anything.” Changbin waits until Seungmin turns the ignition off and looks at him before he takes a deep breath and continues. “You asked me to kiss you last night.”

Seungmin doesn’t say anything but pick on the skin of his fingers, Changbin keeps talking.

“And I almost did,” he laughs awkwardly, turning towards the window, “Seungmin, we almost kissed last night.”

He still doesn’t say anything. Changbin shifts on his chair, to turn his whole body towards his ex-boyfriend.

“You know what I thought?” he asks redundantly, because he knew the latter wouldn’t answer. “I thought, what could’ve happened to us if we did kiss? And if Chan-hyung hadn’t called, would I have gotten my answer?”

Seungmin finally moves, staring back at Changbin. “Answer to what?”

“Answer to if it’s foolish of me to think there’s something to hold onto with us after the wedding.”

The younger male opens his mouth but quickly turns away. “Did you—do you want to get back together?”

Changbin refuses to answer, instead he asks him, “Do you?”

“That’s unfair, I asked first.”

With no hesitations, Changbin says an affirmative yes, and watches as Seungmin’s eyes shake, clearly not expecting his answer.

Seungmin stares at the wheel, still picking on the skin in between his finger and his nail, desperately trying to find the right words to answer Changbin’s daring question.

“Being with you,” he begins, “It’s like I’m back to that young, innocent, college student.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“I don’t know,” Seungmin mumbles. “But I don’t want to be that again.”

“So, no, you don’t want to get back together?”

“That’s not—” he lets out a frustrated groan, changing the direction of the conversation. “Before we went down today, I searched up reasons to get back with an ex,” (Changbin tries to hide a small smile on his face.) “And one of the reasons is if you’ve both changed but whenever I’m with you, I fall back to who I was.”

“The one who loved me?” Changbin muses, but Seungmin only returns a deadpanning stare.

“Hyung, I’m serious.”

“I am, too!” he exasperates. “And I’m asking you if you want to, or at least think there’s a chance for us again.”

“I care about you a lot,” he begins again, steering away from the subject, eyes glued back to his hands, “And I want to be careful, but if I keep falling back to habits I did when we were together, I—” he stops to stare at Changbin, “I just don’t want to hurt you again.”

Changbin doesn’t say anything, he just clicks his lips together and soon he nods, “Okay.”

“Hyung—” because Seungmin felt like it wasn’t enough.

“No, I get it, don’t worry,” he ends, grabbing the handle and getting out of the car. 

Seungmin watches him leave, his hand retracting from holding him back because there was nothing else he could say. Yes, he still had a lot of things to explain, but he lacked the words to do so, and Changbin doesn’t deserve anything to hold him back. He sighs, flopping his body against the car seat. 

⚭

“Knock, knock” Changbin greets, entering Hyunjin’s room. They offer him a smile, but their eyes say differently. “What’s wrong? What did I miss?”

“I heard about you and Seungmin.” 

Changbin opens his mouth, then laughs humourlessly, “And why are you sad?”

“Seungmin.” Chan says, his tone sad but also disappointed that all Seungmin can respond with is to look away. “You love him, I know you still do, that’s why I’m sad.”

“I can’t risk hurting him again. I saw how it affected him.”

“Do you think Hyunjin and my relationship is perfect?”

“Maybe,” Changbin grumbles, hating that Hyunjin’s priority on their wedding night is about his crumbling relationship. Or, he supposed, already doomed. 

“It’s not,” Hyunjin simply tells him. “Chan-hyung and I fight, there were times where we disagree a lot. Did you know he wanted to make his nephew wear a bear costume?”

Seungmin laughs, “Hyunjin is used to you being ridiculous, hyung, I don’t think that’s a very valid point.”

“Perhaps,” Chan agrees. “But there were more times where we disagreed with each other. We fight, Seung, sometimes we end up saying things that are irrational, it happens.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying,” Hyunjin grits their teeth, “No healthy relationships will ever thrive in happiness and rainbows, and you have to realize that there will be downs, and that’s okay.”

“It will help you grow,” Chan continues, fixing Seungmin’s tie. “And you need to take risks every now and then, Seung. Didn’t you use to do that?”

Seungmin looks down to the floor, “He was the only one who made me do crazy things.”

“Some decisions are insane, like for one,” Hyunjin points at the venue just outside their window. “I’m getting married in 20 minutes,” they laugh, “And it’s really fucking scary and I’ve been in a relationship with Chan-hyung for seven years.”

“Important decisions like these aren’t ones you make on the go,” Chan chuckles, “In fact, what you said in the car shouldn’t be the end of everything you built up until now.” Seungmin stares at the bow as Chan finishes, “I had no idea, I’d end up here, but when I look at Hyunjin, and I get anxious about what will happen next, I’m okay, because I’m with them.”

“I could list hundreds of different things that could go wrong that would send me off the edge,” Hyunjin says, still looking out the window. “And when you don’t know what’s going to happen, you start to panic, but being with the right people, being with Chan-hyung,” they smile, almost crying, “I’m reminded why it’s worth it and I know he’ll be there for me.”

“There are many reasons why I proposed to Hyunjin,” Chan finally finishes his tie, patting it down before looking straight into Seungmin’s eyes, “One of them is trust; that trust that assures us that, whatever happens, we’ll find a solution.”

“When you choose to trust that Seungmin won’t purposely hurt you…”

“And when you choose to take that risk to be with Changbin again…”

“…You’re choosing love.”

Seungmin smiles at Chan, chuckling awkwardly, “I should be the one tying your tie.”

Changbin pulls Hyunjin in for a hug, letting out a huge sigh on their shoulder, “Let’s get going, shall we?”

⚭

“We’re here in honour of Changbin and Seungmin’s wedding,” Chan slurred his words, giggling uncontrollably.

Hyunjin screamed from behind Changbin, hitting his back repeatedly in an attempt to cheer him on, “Vows, pleaaase!”

Changbin chuckled, holding Seungmin’s hands. Seungmin smiled at him, eyes turned into moon crescents by how much he was smiling. 

“I love you,” Seungmin began, “And tomorrow, the day after, the week, months, years, I’ll still love you.” He smiled less now, not because he was less happy, but to show a more genuine smile rather than his drunken one, “And I might forget this tomorrow,” (that earned a set of laugh), “But I want you to know whatever I say drunk or sober, that I’m willing to marry you because you bring the best out of me.” Seungmin held his boyfriend’s cheek, “Thank you, hyung.”

“I’m going to cry,” that was Chan on the side. Hyunjin swatted their arm to shut him up, now anticipating Changbin’s vow.

“When Hyunjin begged me to work with you to plan Chan-hyung’s birthday, I should’ve known it was their way to set us up,” Seungmin giggled, bringing up his hand to cover his face in embarrassment. “And I’m so grateful they did because it brought me closer to you, and here, unofficially getting wedded, I don’t think I’d ever want to spend a Saturday night differently.” Changbin pulled Seungmin closer, “I’m willing to marry you tonight, tomorrow, any day. I don’t care where, when, or how, all I care about is I’m with you, because that’s all that matters to me.”

“Now for the rings!” Hyunjin exclaimed, pulling the ring pops they got just before arriving at the building.

Each of the couple picked one up, and Chan began his made up script again, “Do you, Changbin, take Seungmin as your lovely husband, for better or for worse, uh, blah blah—what else do they say?” Chan asked Hyunjin specifically.

“Richer or poorer!” they offered.

“Richer or poorer!” Chan repeated, pointing at Hyunjin with a wink. “‘Til death do you part?”

“I do,” Changbin smiled, sliding the ring on Seungmin’s finger.

“Do you, Seungmin—” and Seungmin threw up on Changbin, ending the ceremony all together.

⚭

“I now pronounce you, husband and husband,” the officiant declares, bringing Changbin back to reality. He stands just off the side from Hyunjin, mirroring Seungmin who stood across the aisle, a couple of inches away from Chan. Seungmin is smiling softly, hiding his face with his hand, as he always does when his smile gets too wide. Changbin remembers pulling them away to kiss him softly, and the next, Seungmin would be hiding his face in embarrassment. “You may now kiss the groom.”

Chan doesn’t hesitate to pull Hyunjin in one intimate kiss, returning the second time for a searing one, the guests end up roaring at the newly wedded couple. But Changbin pays no attention to them, instead for the boy whose eyes are wide and laughing along with the rest of the guests, still watching Hyunjin and Chan practically makeout on the altar.

As the grooms walk out of the ceremony, Changbin stays in his spot, still watching the younger as he watches the newly wed exit. Soon, Seungmin's eyes met his, offering a slight smile of genuinity, before taking the lead for the two of them to walk out. 

Changbin stands up, gathering the people’s attention by tapping the mic a couple of times that it screeches, sending everyone to cover their ears. 

“Oops,” he mumbles, taking the microphone away from the stand. “That’s better,” he says when the screeching stops. Hyunjin and Chan sit in the middle, prepared to hear Changbin’s speech.

“I’m the best friend slash best man of the groom, the tall one,” he begins, earning a couple of laughs and Chan pouting aggressively. 

“Hyunjin and Chan’s relationship is unpredictable, but as I grew to learn them, they start to become more predictable,” he confesses. “When Hyunjin chose me as their best man, I thought, yeah obviously I should be. Then, I find out that Chan’s best man was also his best friend, which some of you may know, I had a little history with,” he sheepishly grins, finding Seungmin’s eyes in the crowd. Once he locks eye contact, he resumes, “And I know some of the things I had to do as best man aren’t just best man duties,” Hyunjin and Chan hid their faces, the guests laughing softly.

“I was asked, as a present for the grooms, to act civil because I knew the man I’ll be working with is a pain in the ass,” Seungmin rolls his eyes, laughing a little. “This man, he’s actually far from the best. He’s unfair at times, chooses decisions by himself, sometimes he’d bring out the worst out of me.

“But, he’s not just that because for the past six years I’ve known him, I know he does things by his own because he wants to be sure everyone else around him is safe, which evidently, he can’t always be sure. And with worst, also comes best, and he also brings that out of me.”

Seungmin is now crying, but his gaze remains steady on the man who takes shaky deep breaths before putting the mic close to his mouth to continue his speech.

“And I want him to know that things will happen out of our control, but I can’t play in the safe zone all my life, and I wish you won’t too,” he says more directly to Seungmin. “I want to go crazy, go through what they’re about to go through, because,” he breathes loudly onto the mic now, laughing at himself, “Because I love you. I loved you then, I love you now and I’ll love you later.”

“We can be careful for eternity, but that’s not what I want, and I’m sure that’s not what the grooms want either,” Changbin bites his lip, “So can we try again?” Chuckling, he adds, “As my present for the grooms because I have nothing?”

Seungmin laughs from his chair, wiping his tears away while Chan and Hyunjin cheer from theirs.

“This is the best present ever!” Chan screams, getting off his chair and to Seungmin, inviting his hand for the younger to take. “One last leap?” he whispers, before Seungmin is off his chair and running to Changbin’s arms for a hug.

“I told you not to mess up your toast,” he scolds, tone light and laughing softly.

Changbin returns the laugh, “They love it.”

Seungmin pushes him off lightly, staring at his eyes as he lists,

“I’ll be a mess.”

“I know.”

“You can take it back, it’s not too late.”

“I won’t.”

“There will be a lot of hard days.”

“Hard in what way?” Seungmin punches him in the arm, Changbin laughs, massaging the area.

“You sure you won’t back out now?”

“Never.”

“Even when I punch you?”

“You have to know, your punch is nothing to my buff arms.” Seungmin punches him again, getting the same reaction of laughter from earlier.

“I love you.”

Changbin smiles, his eyes finally let go of the tears he’s been holding back throughout the speech. “I love you, too.”

Not more. Not most. Because topping each other over that was ridiculous, Changbin remembers, and stupid, is what Seungmin had added. So they agreed on none of those. They know they love each other, and that was the end of that.

And it was enough for them to start anew.

fin.