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The first person that Marco tells about his plan to leave Dortmund is Erik. It's in the aftermath of a night spent together tangled in the sheets; Erik’s head rests on his bare chest, his fingers tracing lazy circles over his muscles and Marco’s playing with the younger man’s hair.
“Erik I need to tell you something, before you hear it from someone else.” Erik doesn't look up, thinking that maybe he can avoid the inevitably bad news if he doesn't look at Marco.
He's known it was coming, but he's not ready for it to end.
"Erik.” Marco’s voice is soft and Erik buries his face into Marco’s side.
“Please baby,” He plants a kiss on the top of his head, “look at me.”
Erik looks up at Marco then, pulling that sad puppy face that Marco could never resist, and Marco smiles sadly.
“I'm leaving Dortmund.” The words are out before Marco can change his mind and his heart is hammering against his chest as he waits for Erik’s reaction.
“I know.” Erik admits quietly, giving a sad smile and laugh.
Erik had expected it but that didn't stop it hurting like hell. Didn’t stop him feeling like he was falling apart. It didn't stop the tears.
“I'm sorry.” Marco feels sick.
He wanted Erik to get mad and shout. That would be easier for him to handle than watching him fall apart. He's not sure if he can live knowing he's hurt Erik like this. Not sure he deserves to.
“Please don't leave me Marco. You can't leave me, I can't lose you. Please.” Erik’s voice is desperate and pleading.
He's moved away from Marco now, sat up with his head in his hands as his body shakes with every sob. Marco feels the emptiness beside him like its physical pain.
“Please.”
Marco reaches out and pulls the younger boy into his arms, holding him against his chest as he sobs. He strokes his hair, something that Marco learned soothes Erik when he's upset, and presses his lips to the top of his head. He has to close his eyes and fight back his own tears because this moment isn't about him, it's about Erik.
It's always about Erik.
“I love you.”
It's something Marco’s never said to Erik. But he means it. He knows now that he loves Erik with every fibre of his being but now he's leaving. He's leaving him and there's no amount of ‘I love you’s’ that can fix that.
But Marco still tries to.
“I love you.”