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A few days since the Exogol Battle had passed. The Resistance had celebrated, mourned their losses, healed the injured and now it was time to start building something out of the ruins.
They won the war, but it was far from the end. It was a start.
Elections were scheduled to happen in a few days and they had to literally build the Senate out from the ashes of the fallen ships in the camp. The two generals were left to supervise the works and they were doing the best they could, trying to keep everybody busy but not overwhelmed.
Rey had just come back from Tatooine and BB with her, and she was trying to build up a Jedi Academy for the ones like her, people with the Force, lost and without a guide, maybe even oblivious of their powers until it was too late.
Finn was helping her in his free time, letting her train him once in a while, and was currently busy listing all the names for the memorial plaques that were to be carved on the floor of the new Senate, names and dates to remember the people that lost their lives to make everything they had possible, and Poe was walking through the camp to get back to him.
He had just met a few artists from Corellia to choose the new flag for the new Republic. Most of them were fine, he had to admit it, but there were a few so awful that he just had to show Finn before choosing.
He peeked in his their tent, announcing himself with a small cough.
“How’s the mighty general doing?” he asked with a smirk, watching Finn as he scribbled at his their desk.
The man didn’t look up. He tried to look annoyed but visibly had to suppress a small smile. “The mighty general is fine. He would be more than fine, but unfortunately his co general left him to go look at some drawings and he’s doing all the work by himself.”
“This co general sounds like a total dick,” Poe said, his smirk not faltering.
“Oh, you have no idea,” Finn muttered, his eyes still fixed on the list.
That looked like a challenge. Poe loved a challenge.
“ But he brought you some awful drawings from the meeting for you to make fun of them because he loves you. So you’re welcome .”
At that the man finally looked up, a mix between amusement and surprise bright on his face. “For real ? ”
Poe silently complimented himself. It was far too easy with Finn, he was still so excited about the smallest things. It was endearing, in a way. And cute.
“For real,” he said, but when Finn tried to take the sketches he held them tight pressed to his chest, shaking his head. “Nu huh. You have to say the password first.”
“Oh, there’s a password now?”
“Of course there is. This is sensible information.”
“Oh, come on-”
“It’s easy. It’s the name of your favourite general.”
“Finn,” he said, with a proud grin. “You were right. This one was easy.”
“No, not that easy. You can’t vote for yourself.”
“But I am my favourite general! These elections are rigged!”
“Okay, no ugly flags for you then,” said Poe, that didn’t even bother to pretend to be offended. “I’ll choose one myself.”
“Wait wait, I was joking, obviously. I am not my favourite general, not when the competition is so high.”
“Much better,” said Poe, with a self satisfied smile. “And who would that be, then?”
The man in front of him shrugged. “Well, Leia. I mean, she’s the best there is.”
Poe blinked a few times thinking about what to say, then he gave up. “This is… a totally acceptable answer. Here, take your reward.”
Finn grabbed the designs with a bright smirk. Sometimes it was hard to remember how genuine and carefree he could be, how eager he was to learn everything about a world that was still so new to him. They had gone through a lot and he hadn’t had much time to just enjoy life, something he had never had the chance to do before .
Other times, just like this one, he looked like a kid in a candy shop and it was so obvious it was almost painful to watch.
“Not bad, not bad, not bad, huh, I actually like this! Not-” his eyes widened and he looked back up to him, mouth agape and the corner of his lips curving up in an incredulous smile. “Poe Dameron what in the Death Star is this ?”
“See, this is a real masterpiece. I really like this one. It’s…” a laugh slipped before he could suppress it. “I don’t really know. I have genuinely no idea.”
“This is so… confusing. What the hell is supposed to be? A wookie? An X-wing? A two headed Hutt?” he asked, trying to decipher the drawing.
“Maybe you should, you know, think about something else for a while, maybe you’ll find out then. Maybe you just need a little distraction, and then realisation will hit,” Poe said, bending down and pressing gently his lips against Finn's neck.
“That’s so not fair, Poe. I’m trying to work,” said Finn, but he didn’t sound as firm as he should have been.
“Are you now, general?” he asked, smiling, his lips still touching the curve between Finn’s neck and shoulder.
“ Poe ,” Finn tried to sound harsh, and ending up with a shaken voice.
“ Finn ,” he said, placing another kiss one inch lower.
That forced a sigh out of Finn’s throat, and Poe decided it counted as a win.
“Come on… just a few minutes break, that’s all I ask, I deserve it, I brought you amazing art!”
“You’re not a pilot, you’re a sith in disguise,” the man complained, but he finally pushed his chair far from the desk and let Poe slide in front of him, his grin now a few inches from his face.
“Maybe I am. Maybe the war was a plan of mine to rule the galaxy all by myself. You can be my toyboy if you want,” he smiled, and Finn let out a small huff, forcing himself not to smile back.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Make m-” but he didn’t get to finish his sentence because Finn was cupping his face and kissing him hard.
Poe blinked a few times before sinking into the kiss, sighing softly and letting his hand brush to the other’s neck, caressing him with his fingertips. For a moment the galaxy stopped spinning like it did every time Finn kissed him like that.
When they parted they were both breathless.
“You should shut me up like this more often,” he said with a small smile.
“I think I do it plenty!”
“Not nearly as much as you should,” he winked, quickly sitting on Finn’s lap.
“So, how did the briefing go?” Finn asked, as he started stroking Poe's hair, already giving up about getting work done.
“Surprisingly well. They already dismantled all of the AT-ATs and TIEs. We’re putting them to use. There are only a few Star Destroyers left and the Transports are yet to be taken care of but it won’t make much time I guess. The projects are finished so we only have to wait for the actual building procedure. They asked me if we want to place the first panel ourselves for, you know, symbolic reasons. I told them I would have asked you. I think that’d be okay.”
Finn nodded, smiling. It had been Poe's idea, of course. They had to set up the actual senate’s building and they didn’t have anything to do that with. So he suggested out of the blue to use the dismantled remains of the First Order's spaceships.
“We have to make it clear that there’s nothing left. Everything the First Order did, we have to destroy it. Every little A-Wing, every seat from every single cockpit. And we’ll turn their ashes to something good for us. I want the galaxy to see us, not them. I want the galaxy to see what we fought for, not what we fought against, you know,” he had said in one of his very first speeches after the war. And Finn had fallen a little bit more in love with him after that.
Their senate’s building was going to be made of the First Order’s half burnt remains and it was going to be beautiful.
“Yeah, sure, we can do it. It’s a good idea actually. I bet Rose came up with that!”
Poe barked out a laugh. “It was her! Really! I don’t know how you do that!”
“I’m just smart, that’s all,” he said with a smirk, and Poe kissed him briefly on the lips.
“Of course you are,” he said immediately after, “I have good taste in generals, I only hire the best ones.”
“You should develop a better taste in artists too. Fuck, these are so bad…”
“I don’t know, maybe we’re just looking at them upside down. Here, let’s try-” he started, moving one of the drawings. “Nope, still bad.”
Finn laughed out loud. “Why can’t we use the Resistance's symbol instead? It’s pretty cool! And it would be meaningful!”
“Because,” Poe said with a half smile, “if we used it for the Republic, what would we use when we’ll have to set up a new Resistance after Democracy falls for the third time? We have to preserve the Resistance’s flags for the next war, don’t you think?”
“Ha ha ha” Finn said, coldly. “So very funny.”
“You make it sound like sarcasm but I am, in fact, very funny,” he said, starting to press kisses on his neck again, feeling him tense under his touch. “We have another meeting at five, we have to tell them what we choose.”
“It’s going to take long,” Finn muttered, trying to ignore the trail of kisses that Poe was giving him on his neck.
“It is. So, what about you? How’s the list going?” he asked, his lips still on Finn’s throat.
“I should be finished,” he said, only half focused. “Now I’m trying to proof read everything and check if someone’s missing but it’s a real mess.”
Poe gave him a small bite and Finn held his breath.
“Come on, let me see. I’ll help,” Poe said, finally letting him go.
Finn opened his mouth to complain but closed it soon after, he still had some dignity left after all.
Poe looked down at the papers and his smile faltered. It was easy to forget these days were mourning days, too.
Everybody was so excited, drunk with relief, busy with work, too much focused on how lucky they were and what had to be done for the galaxy’s sake that they hardly thought about the ones who left them.
Leia Organa was the first name on the list. Poe shuddered, thinking about the woman who made him the man he was.
Luke Skywalker was the second one. He had only met the jedi once, but he knew him very well from the tales his parents fed him with when he was a little one.
Han Solo followed and Poe thought it was fair enough.
What he read next made him go completely still. He sucked in a breath and looked at Finn with wide eyes.
“What… what is that?”
“What is what?” the man asked, and even if he weren’t one with the Force he could sense there was something deeply off with Poe all of a sudden.
“What is that, Finn? Why is the asshole here? Are you fucking kidding me?”
Ben Solo.
“Well, Rey said he sav-”
“I don’t care about what Rey said!” he hissed, then jumped up standing still. “He killed like half of the other people on this list! He literally killed the person whose name is written above him! It’s just unfair!”
“It’s thanks to him we won the war, Poe. He was the one who let us win, we can’t just forget it.”
“No. No, he let the war happen in the first place! I can’t believe you’re saying this right now. The war was won thanks to us . The people all around the galaxy that needed to team up and fight and die by the hand of this guy! What do you think the others will say about that? How are you going to explain why you put the name of the Supreme Leader next to their loved ones’? The ones he killed!”
“I don’t know, I supp-”
“How can’t you see how disrespectful that is?” Poe asked, finally standing up and stumbling back.
“We can’t ignore the fact that he saved her life and helped us in the end! It’s important for her!”
“It’s important for her, yeah, I see,” he said finally, taking another step back. “Then put him on your list. But you’ll have to explain it to everyone yourself.”
Finn sighed and scratched his head, trying not to sound too pissed. “I’ll talk to her, okay?”
“Just do whatever. I need… a minute. Sorry. I overreacted. I… I need a minute. See you at five,” he said, and Finn sensed something strong coming from him, great waves that made his knees weak and he thanked the fact he was already sitting down on the chair or his legs would have betrayed him.
It was blind fear. Poe was looking at him with his eyes wide and his hands were shaking. And Finn could sense all of it, short circuiting his brain like they were one.
“Poe, wait, it’s-” he said, finally standing up, but he was gone.
Finn cursed, trying to pace his breath.
Why?
Poe was walking fast across the camp, looking for somewhere to hide. He spotted several people he knew and purposely avoided them.
He was nearly out of the camp when he heard a muffled sound behind him.
“Not now, BB. I’m not thinking straight.”
The amount of beeps that came in response made clear to him that his droid had no intention of leaving just yet.
“Okay, okay, I got it. But don’t you dare complain if I say something you don’t like!”
A final beep came as agreement as the two disappeared in the woods.
Poe walked silently for a while, waiting for his heart rate to slow down.
When he finally reached the spot he was looking for, he trotted for a few steps and sat down, his back leaning on a tree.
BB-8 stopped its race hitting him on the legs, bipping furiously and sneaking under his sane arm. He brushed his fingers on the droid, finding comfort in the cold, familiar smoothness of the metal.
“Language, BB,” he whispered, trying to ignore the thoughts already haunting his mind.
The droid bipped again.
“I don’t think about it all the time. I just… I need some time by myself, okay?”
The man looked at the lake in front of him. He had found that place in the woods a few days prior during a recognition. He used to go there whenever he needed some alone time from work, or when Finn was busy and he was bored.
It was the first time he was there because of him.
“So you don’t think I overreacted,” he said, trying to finally relax.
BB's answer made him look at it with a frown. “Who taught you that word? I’ll have to tell the other pilots to stop cussing when you’re around. Again .”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This time it wasn’t so bad. This time he avoided the thought. This time he didn’t-
“Tell me”
“E chu ta!”
He felt a rush of pain running down his spine, so intense that for a moment he went completely blind and deaf.
The first thing he heard a few seconds later was his own scream.
“Where is he? Tell me!”
A flood of thoughts, his thoughts, came on the surface and flooded out strangling him.
The moment after, he was back near the camp and gasping for air.
He blinked a few times, BB-8 beeping so loud probably to call for help.
“It’s okay dude, stop, you’re giving me a headache,” he croaked, suddenly feeling nauseous.
“Where is he? Scum!”
The black mask in front of him looked like a nightmare. And the pain in his chest, lungs, was so intense he couldn’t even scream.
He was going to die. And it was going to hurt.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he whispered, hugging his legs and making his head rest on his knees, the tree behind him and the cold droid next to him grounded him.
The visions of the man with the mask and the pain he brought with him faded away, and there was only the sound of the wind, and the light reflecting on the lake’s surface, and the chilly air.
The soft beeps and murmurs of BB finally managed to calm him down a bit, and like every other time that he thought about it, slowly, very slowly, he started to realise that none of that was going to happen to him ever again. Whatever had happened there had stopped to be a problem long ago, thanks to the man who took him out of that shithole one year earlier.
The same man he just left for a dumb rush of panic out of the blue and with no explanation.
“I’m an idiot.”
“Kriff,” Finn panted, as soon as his breath evened. The wave of pure panic he had felt for a moment had been overwhelming, like he was back on Jakku and was looking at his team mates die right in front of his eyes all over again.
“What the hell?” he asked to himself, and looked down to the papers on his desk. It had something to do with them for sure.
It wasn’t the first time he felt things that someone else was feeling too, but this time had been the strongest, no doubt.
Everything had always been a bit stronger with Poe, probably because of the emotional bond they shared, but from him usually came good feelings and not… whatever this was.
A few seconds after Poe had left, all the crashing feelings that abruptly invaded Finn’s body disappeared, leaving an infinite annihilating emptiness.
Suddenly some kind of force had him standing up again. He didn’t know what he was doing, he only knew he had to. He slowly walked towards the back of the tent, moving a curtain and looking at the bed.
His bed. Well, their bed.
Usually, whenever he did that, sweet memories came to his mind, sweet memories that involved him and a certain general of the Resistance. Hot touches, lazy mornings and a few sleepless nights.
Not this time.
“I have a bad feeling about this” he whispered, when his eyes landed on it. Poe’s jacket. His jacket. Their jacket. It was calling him. He heard faint hisses coming from it, a muffled scream, there was something really bad soaking it like mud.
“I have a so bad feeling about it,” he whispered again. But it was calling him, strong, and besides, that was their jacked. The very first thing he had ever owned. His very first gift from Poe and from life itself. It couldn’t be so bad, could it?
He got closer and his fingers brushed it gently. As soon as his fingertips felt the familiar fabric, something hit him like a TIE.
He wasn’t in Ajan Kloss anymore, nor in any Resistance basecamp. He knew that place.
It was the last Star Destroyer he had worked on.
Everything in him screamed. A wave of nausea filled his stomach.
More than anything, he felt alone.
Alone.
No one’s coming. No one’s coming for me.
He didn’t know why, but he wanted to cry. He was already crying.
I’m going to die. He doesn’t have to-
Then, the worst feeling he had ever experienced. He felt like throwing up, like something was forced to rip off him, go out of his stomach, his eyes, his nose, everything. He couldn’t breathe.
He realised in horror that what was slowly flooding off him was his thoughts. He was throwing up his thoughts, he was blind, and deaf, and his lungs burned because he needed air.
I can’t tell him. I can’t tell him. He will-
Kylo Ren's mask looked at him and everything he felt was fire.
When he blinked next, he was back on the planet. He looked at the bed in confusion, he didn’t recognise it at first.
He retracted his hand like the jacket just burned him, and it was kind of the truth.
He knew what he had just seen. That was Poe, the day he found him. The day their lives changed.
It was Kylo Ren torturing him for informations, for how long he had to bear all this pain? For how long the man played with his mind until he broke him?
“I’m a fucking idiot” he hissed.
He had to tell Rey he couldn’t do this. It wasn’t fair.
Five pm arrived faster than expected. Poe was nowhere to be seen and Finn was worried sick.
At least he noticed BB-8 wasn’t rolling around making people stumble as usual, so he knew his man wasn’t alone.
He crossed the camp fast, scanning every spot with his gaze, waiting for a familiar face to appear behind a corner. When he finally got to the meeting he wasn’t there yet.
“Oh, Finn, here you are,” Jess said, looking at him with a furrowed brow. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah” he muttered, looking anxiously around even if he knew he wasn’t there. He would have sensed him.
“So, did you choose one version yet? I was thinking about something black and orange, you know, for symbolic purposes. Maybe a bit of white?” she said. “I think there are a few orange ones… did you see the sketches?”
“Shouldn’t we wait for-”
“Oh, I just assumed he wasn’t going to come. Usually you two show up together.” she said, shrugging. “What do you say? Should we wait? I don’t have mu-”
Finn turned back one second before Poe’s frame appeared from the woods. He spotted them immediately and approached quickly. He looked okay. He was smiling.
Finn knew how much of a facade he was able to put on, so it didn’t comfort him on the slightest.
“Jess,” Poe said, and winked. The woman laughed and shook his head. “General,” Poe whispered then, grabbing his shoulder and squeezing it. Finn couldn’t help but lean into it, relieved.
He didn’t look mad at him, at least. Even if he would have deserved it.
“General yourself,” he greeted, offering a small smile. As soon as Poe’s hand left his shoulder he missed it already.
“As I was trying to tell Finn before you so rudely interrupted me,” Jess said, rolling her eyes up, “I was thinking about something black and orange. Maybe we can use this old sketch from the New Republic, because…”
As Poe had said just a few hours prior, they were so bad at this. They somehow managed to come up with only three options out of the dozen Poe had showed Finn earlier.
An orange dalia with black background and two white stars – Luke and Leia, who else? – on the two down sides,
A black Star with an orange background, with two white stripes,
A bright black S – Skywalker, obviously – on an orange background with a white little resistance symbol on the upper left.
They decided to leave it for the day after, when they were going to meet the whole logistics department.
Jess shot them with a suspicious look and turned her heels, not after raising her brows at Poe in a silent conversation.
“Weird,” Finn whispered, then turned to face the other, looking at him with uncertainty.
For a moment he felt uncomfortable, something he hadn’t felt around the pilot since the time he helped him fix his tie the year before.
“Poe, I-”
“Listen, there’s-”
They both said at the same time, then stopped.
Finn cleared his throat awkwardly. “You first.”
“Not here. Let’s go back to the tent,” Poe whispered, then he paused for a moment, like he had something else to say but wasn’t sure if he should say it.
After what it looked like a mental battle, he shrugged and muttered, “fuck it. Hands?”
Finn wanted to ask him why in a million years would he want to hold his hand ever again. He wanted to ask him if he was sure about what he was saying. He wanted to tell him it was probably going to be a bad decision.
But he didn’t. What he did was simply accepting the offer and interwining their fingers silently.
“I'm sorry” he said, when Poe pulled him towards the tent.
“Later.”
“Really, I didn’t think about it for a moment, it’s just-”
“I know. Later, Finn”
“You’re mad at me right? You have to be, what kind of a question is this? Of course you are, you must-”
“Please,” he whispered, walking faster and faster to be able to speak more privately. “Not now.”
“Okay, got it. I’ll shut up. I swear.”
They were safely hidden at his their place before Finn could say Alderaan, and they both looked hesitant.
“Poe, really, I-”
“I should have explained myself, instead I flipped and stormed off without a word. I should have said something. I don’t think before I speak or act at all. I am working on that.”
“I’m an idiot. And I’ll tell Rey we can’t put his name with the others. You were right, he killed half the names on the list, it would be ridiculous. Five minutes of regret and a good gesture can’t make up for that.”
“Rey isn’t going to like it.”
“Rey will put his plaque in the new jedi academy. She’s going to be fine with that. She can name the whole place after him if she wants. It’ll be on Tatooine, far from every other name. Kind like an exile. And he’ll be close to Rey and to his kind. And you won’t have to read it, like, ever.”
Poe stayed silent, looking at him with an unreadable expression. Finn looked back at him, waiting, hoping he wasn’t going to storm off again.
“You…” he said after a while, his voice low, “you’d make a good diplomat.”
“Is it okay? If it isn’t I can tell Rey to just let it go. We don’t have to keep his name anywhere if you don’t think-”
“What Rey wants to write in her school is none of my business. If she wants to keep him close, I won’t stop her.”
Finn’s lips cracked up in a smile, feeling like a ton of weight falling off his shoulders. “It’s a pretty good deal, is it?”
“I told you. You’d make a pretty good diplomat.”
“And you, Poe Dameron, are a flirt.”
“Absolutely,” he whispered, lacing his arms around Finn’s waist and pulling him closer. “But you like it.”
“I do, I…” he sighed and all the light in his eyes faltered. “I’m sorry. You are impulsive and you don’t think before you speak usually, but you were right this time. I was so focused on Rey’s list, on my work and all the other bullshit and I didn’t think about what he is to you. It won’t happen again.”
“ You got me out of there. I can’t be upset with you for any of what happened.”
“Yes, you can. You should , if I’m being insensitive. Please, do.”
Poe shrugged, still holding him in his grip. “Okay. I will tell you if you’re being insensitive. And you’ll tell me if I am being insensitive. Because I really don’t think before I act or speak. It wasn’t an exaggeration.”
“I am well aware,” said Finn, smiling again. “Sometimes I’m afraid you don’t think at all.”
“You smug bastard,” Poe said, getting closer and pressing a kiss on his temple, then his ear. “You’ll have to make it up for that. I'm very offended.”
“Mh,” Finn mumbled, trying not to look too shaken by the man’s gentle bites on his lobe. “What about I show you some force tricks? Would that make us even?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered in his ear, his breath hot. “What kind of tricks are we talking about?”
“The kind of tricks we make in bed when no one is around.”
“Did I already tell you, general, that you’d make a good diplomat?”
Finn let himself relax. Maybe this really was his new normal.
To help people instead of hurting them. To have a personal space and someone to care about. Communication, apologies, respect.
Love.
Poe pushed him towards the curtains that led to their bed. He had been upset with him, they had talked it off, and now he wasn’t anymore.
The new normal.
“Just once or twice,” he said with a smile, and he finally fell on the bed.