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The tall grass danced as the warm breeze wheezed by and the sounds of the night echoed emptily. Crickets sang their love songs and the full moon hovered, large and brilliant. The queen of the nightsky yet his grey eyes were reflecting the starlight. His steps were slow and eerily silent as he walked forward.
Always forward.
He has seen such a place before. Before him were titan sized trees, huddled together in a dark menacing forest. He had hoped to never visit this place ever again. Shivers ran up and down his spine with every step he took but he couldn't stop. Behind him he could still see the outline of the walls, the large man built prison he so despised. The horizon was extending before him but his gaze remained in the star filled sky and a forlorn, pained smile slowly stretched his lips. This air he was breathing, this breeze that caressed his pale skin -his skin that hadn't been blessed by the sun for years when he lived in the Underground- this soft, grass littered ground that his bare feet stepped on and this overwhelming life that permeated around him: this was freedom. Pure, unadulterated freedom.
And he stopped.
His breath held as the dark forest stood right in front of him. A howling wind could be heard in its depths as well as the slight tremble of the movements of something huge. Levi's teeth chattered agaisnt his will and his arms wrapped around his torso. He frowned looking down at himself, noticing he was clad in a thin white shirt and loose black cotton pants. He stood still but his head leaned as if to peer into that darkness that the forest guarded. In the distance he swears he could hear someone screaming.
"Captain Levi!"
His eyes widened and he stumbled back. His muscles tensed, his arms tightening around himself as he stared blankly. Another scream. Then a roar. The ground started trembling beneath his feet and his mouth opened in a confused gasp. There was another scream and then the sound of a violent crash-the dull and dry sound of a body hitting a hard surface.
Thump...thump...thump...
The crickets no longer sang and the moonlight felt cold and sharp. Inside that forest lurked something evil. Levi's body freezed, barely breathing as his ears were solely focused on the thumping sound of those powerful footsteps. It went completely silent for a moment and Levi breathed deeply, his brows furrowing in distress as he shuffled forward.
Thump, thump, thump, THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
His legs were startled into movement, stepping rapidly backwards as those massive footsteps got louder and louder until the leaves of the trees fell from the small earthquake they caused. Birds flew from their nests and Levi kept retreating. One more scream sounded, this one deep and oh so heartbreakingly familiar.
"STOP!" He wailed, muffling his ears with his palms. His knees shook as he squeezed his eyes shut. He hardly noticed that he was still retreating and the sounds coming from that forest were starting to fade as he got farther away from it. He eventually stopped and opened his eyes. It was still there but it looked so small now. His hands slowly dropped, hanging helplessly at his sides as he gazed at the prominent darkness engulfing the trees like a black, thick fog.
"Forgive me." He breathed, fingers fumbling with the soft fabric of his pants. With grief, he touched his chest, feeling the calm beating it had maintained through it all. As if that had never happened, as if the earth hadn't been quaking just moments ago, the crickets resumed their singing and the stars were shining brighter than the moon now. His hand trailed up his throat, rubbing it while his other arm stayed wrapped around his middle. He swallowed and stared into that uncertain horizon, filled with screams and darkness and earthquakes.
"Levi." A deep, firm voice called and Levi looked down sadly. He felt a steady hand grip his shoulder and he allowed himself to be turned. His gaze fell on a green bolo tie, observing its clean shine before he raised his hand towards it, thumbing the polished stone. He saw the masculine, broad chest expand in a deep sigh and Levi was tempted to smile bitterly.
"Erwin." He whispered back, grey eyes melting in a soft gaze as he finally looked up to meet his Commander's bright blue orbs. Erwin was dressed in his usual military attire and Levi suddenly felt small and worthless as he shivered in his cotton pants.
Erwin...help me...
But his pleas wouldn't find their way out, always trapped somewhere with the thick lump in his throat. And like always, his Commander looked down at him, tall and magnificent, with his gentle eyes boring into Levi's soul...and heart. Gods, how he wished it could be easy...how he wished he could simply throw himself into Erwin's arms and muffle those screams as he buried his face into the other's chest. How he wished he could listen to his heartbeat every single day, his strong steady heartbeat and how he wished that same heartbeat would quicken like his whenever he was around.
The arms that wrapped around him tenderly- although strong and safe and undeniably Erwin's- would never feel right. He wrapped his own thin but muscled arms around the other's wide torso, clinging to his shirt like he always did. He felt Erwin's fingers weaving through his obsidian locks, petting the hair almost reverently and Levi cringed, nuzzling into the other's chest and breathing in deeply. His eyes stinged and he sniffled angrily. Erwin smelled like the fucking forest.
Erwin tilted his chin, making him look up at him once again and Levi told himself that he deserved this. He deserved looking into those beautiful blue eyes- as blue as the clear sky-he deserved having Erwin looking deeply into his own and slowly leaning in. He deserved the soft, almost teasing brush of Erwin's lips agaisnt his own before their shaky, nervous breaths mingled and their mouths joined at last, sweetly and lovingly. He deserved feeling the shy prodding of his Commader's tongue, the gentle but passionate way his hands slowly caressed his back.
They parted, eyes opening and their breathing slightly heavy, joining their foreheads before Erwin smiled in that rare, utterly happy way only Levi would ever see.
"I love you." Erwin said, hand raising to softly caress his cheek. His thumb lowered and trailed his bottom lip absentmindedly. Levi shivered, feeling something cold and wet trail down his face but he smiled back, albeit bitterly. He deserved this.
He opened his mouth, willing his voice to say those words he always had wanted to say. Those words that he wanted to utter everytime they returned from an expedition, everytime they were alone in the Commander's office, sipping tea and discussing strategies.
But nothing came out. Erwin grabbed his hand and raised it to his lips, kissing it. His blue eyes were shining abnormally in the darkness of the night. The starlight seemed to be fading. The other hand still wrapped around his waist tightened and Levi winced. Too perfect. It was falling apart.
Erwin was still looking at him like he was his moon and stars, like he was his lifeline. He was exactly how Levi had imagined him to be.
Exactly how he imagined him to be.
Levi woke up with a small gasp, head immediately lifting from the pillow to look around. He blinked the haziness away and soon recognized the familiar surroundings of his bedroom. He groaned, lips trembling slightly as the images from his dream were still fresh in his mind. He could still feel the lingering tingle from Erwin's kiss; the butterflies in his stomach when his blue eyes looked at him so passionately.
He collapsed back down on his pillow in a weak attempt to stop his grieving. His hands clutched at it tightly.
"Fucking bastard." He laid on his side, sighing heavily and knowing he would probably not be able to go back to sleep. He didn't know what hurt the most: Petra's desperate calling of his name or Erwin's heartaching kisses.
Levi closed his eyes, body trembling violently as he held his sobs back. Just a few rooms away, the real Erwin slept deeply, blissfuly unaware.
"I love you..." He whispered listlessly into the empty room, his tired eyes gazing forward. Always forward.