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the suspense was genuinely, slowly killing him.
dream, instead of sleeping like a responsible teenager, was sitting and waiting by his bedroom window like a puppy waiting for its owner. the rope to climb down was already in place, and all there was left to do was wait.
he constantly tried to peer over the balcony's edge, as if it would somehow move out of the way. he was waiting for something he knew was inevitable, so he might as well give up trying to have a normal sleep schedule.
going out nightly with an infamous 'bad boy' when you're the most popular guy in school had a price, obviously. unluckily enough for himself, dream had money, and he was willing to spend all of it.
before he knew it, there were small thwacks against his glass balcony door. he didn't even give it a second thought before opening his door and leaning over the edge. there he is. that's my favourite white boy.
dream slid down the rope, having done it so many times that he no longer paid any mind to the obvious danger of not taking his time.
despite this, he greeted the boy with, "i hate doing that," and crossed his arms.
"aw, but you do it for me?" dream looked at him and saw a shit-eating grin. smug bastard .
"shut up, sapnap," dream rolled his eyes. "let's just go before my sister decides to snitch on me."
sapnap only pouted. "you know you love me. but, yes, let's." he started walking towards his car, parked out front.
dream pointedly ignores the flutters in his chest at everything that just happened and followed him without another word.
as much as dream loved to hate these secret, nightly outings with sapnap, he had genuine fun, though he'd never tell sapnap that. these nights were when dream was his most unhinged. he could be as mean or as loud or as annoying as he wanted because he was free, and sapnap would stay because he was free, too.
he loved it. no rules in breakable heaven , he thought to himself.
honestly, he had no idea what they were doing that night. sapnap isn't the type to plan, and who is dream to tell him what to do? maybe they'd go for a death ride in the middle of nowhere, or fuck around in one of the abandoned children's playgrounds, or smoke weed or get high at some random park despite dream not smoking nor drinking. whatever they did, the heat was unbearable whether it was cold out or not, so it all kind of blurred in his mind anyway. someday, dream is sure sapnap would kill him with some stupid plan of his, and he wouldn't even be mad about it. sure, he'd be dead, but that's neither here nor there.
what doesn't kill me makes me want him more , dream inwardly sighed.
"where the hell are you even taking me tonight, sap?" he said, looking out the window once they're on the intersection.
"we're gonna go to 7/11 for snacks and then i'll get high while you complain about it!" dream didn't even need to look to know the other boy was grinning ear to ear.
"festive," dream rolled his eyes for the second time that night.
they're silent for a few moments before sapnap had the sense to play music. driving to orlando was going to be another 40 minutes for them, so might as well. dream saw him open spotify and click play on whatever playlist was already open.
the first song that played was a taylor swift song, and dream knew for a fact sapnap never listened to taylor swift.
"did you have my playlist open?" he stared at the other's side profile.
"i-it's a good playlist, i don't know what you want me to say," sapnap rushed his words out, almost defensive.
the tension in the car was thick, all of a sudden, and dream could hardly breathe. he didn't have a snarky response to sapnap like he usually did, so he teared his eyes away from his— acquaintance? friend? were they friends? —companion in favour of staring out the window once more.
maybe it was a coincidence that the song that started playing happened to be his favourite, but he decided not to think about it. he started to mindlessly hum along to the song, not wanting to put any more focus on whatever was going on with sapnap.
"you have a nice voice," the ravenette cut in, voice uncharacteristically soft. dream, once again, ignored whatever he felt at that moment and turned to look at him.
sapnap turned his head back to the road.
"i was only humming, it's not really my voice," he pointed out, mildly unwilling to take the compliment.
"so start actually singing then."
dream blinked in surprise. "i'm bad."
"try me." sapnap actually looked him in the eye for that one, and who would dream be to say no?
the blonde turned back to the window and opened his mouth, the melody and the lyrics coming out easily from listening to the song for hours on end.
the tension in the car significantly lessened as he kept singing. the song did end at some point, however, and dream couldn't help the tendrils of disappointment that bloomed once again.
"i told you so," sapnap sounded like he was smiling while speaking, and the blonde did not think that he had the mental capacity to unpack everything about that, so he ignored it once again.
"shut up," he mumbled back weakly as the next song faded in.
"oh, i remember seeing you listening to this song for hours. y'know, on spotify friends, or whatever," sapnap commented offhandedly.
dream's head snapped left, looking at sapnap. "you look at that shit? you kept going back to see what i was listening to?"
"oh shit, is that creepy? my bad. don't think you can get out of the car, though. we're in the middle of a busy ass intersection," he rambled, his left hand lifting off the wheel to wave around.
dream felt a little lightheaded. "no, you're good. it's good. just- just didn't think you cared at all."
sapnap's face visibly softened. "of course i do, man. i like to think we're friends at this point. you being my only friend means that i care about what you're up to."
dream felt very lightheaded. i like to think we're friends . that sentence gave dream equal amounts of happiness and disappointment, and he really did not want to think about it. ". . . thanks. am i really your only friend?"
sapnap huffed out a little laugh, though it didn't come out very humorous. "yeah. what, you think the campus fire-freak is a social butterfly? doesn't even help that i'm an introvert."
the blonde winced, knowing he was one of the people who hadn't always been the kindest about that fact. it was why they kept this secret, after all. "sorry, just- you seem so confident when we go out like this, so it's easy to forget. i guess i don't really register the fact that no one even knows we interact like this," he breathes in deeply. "i won't pretend like i get it, but if it makes you feel any better, i'm an introvert, too."
sapnap let out a sharp puff of air like he was shocked. "you? mr. quarterback? mr. half-the-school-has-a-crush-on-me? mr. i-have-the-loudest-friend-group-on-campus? you're an introvert?" he laughed at the thought.
"yeah," dream chuckled lowly, looking back out the window. he knew how it sounded. "i've been told i have extroverted tendencies. i don't know, though. i haven't dated anyone in. . . a while. and my friends are the reason i'm so loud all the time."
he paused for a bit to collect his thoughts, and sapnap didn't say anything.
"i appreciate my alone time more than anything though. nights with my cat and some music are more fulfilling to me than having admirers or medals."
sapnap was quiet for a few moments more. "sorry to take you away from that, then," he said, voice quiet.
dream smiled awkwardly. "no, i like it here. you're cool, as much as i love to hate that fact. i think serenading patches is equally as fulfilling as going on late night convenience store runs with you," he said equally as quietly, voice filling with more emotion than he intended.
deafening silence took over the car, despite ariana grande's whistle tones being the background music to their uncharacteristically emotional conversation.
"so, you admit it," sapnap said, finally, as ariana's voice faded out, being replaced by lil nas x's holiday .
"admit what?"
"you like spending time with me," dream practically heard the sly grin grow on the ravenette's face.
dream audibly groaned, smacking his forehead with his palm. "don't make me take it back, fucker," he threatened with no real heat powering his words.
"nooo!" sapnap giggled (he fucking giggled, are you kidding-). "i'm sorry, i won't bring it up."
dream let out a small 'hmph' and crossed his arms, ignoring the fluttering in his chest.
they're quiet for a few more minutes as holiday played through the speakers, though it was a comfortable silence this time, and not one that left dream wanting to gasp for air.
the song fades out soon and makes room for picture to burn by taylor swift, a.k.a. dream's go to empowerment song. this time, he couldn't help but sing along to the lyrics.
"dude, this song goes crazy. your voice suits it, i think," sapnap said.
dream smiled at that. "you don't need to lie to me. and yeah, it's really good. i listen to it a lot nowadays. . . hard relate."
sapnap stayed silent, so dream took that as a cue to explain himself. for once, it didn't hurt to talk about.
"my long-time signif cheated on me earlier this year. it's kind of stupid considering we're literally high schoolers, but it was a messy break-up, to say the least. i don't know, it fucked me up for a while," dream takes a deep breath. "i don't usually talk about it."
"oh shit, for real? sorry, dude," the blonde imagined the frown on sapnap's face. "i shouldn't have said anything."
"no, it's cool," dream shrugged knowing that the ravenette couldn't see him anyway. "i think the song is empowering. besides, i think that was the first time i've talked about it ever that i wasn't close to tears, so it's progress." he chuckled a little.
sapnap let out a bark of a laugh. "good point."
"her loss," the ravenette mumbled his breath, too quiet for dream to have been meant to pick up on it. but he did.
"what'd you say?" he tried to at least pretend he didn't.
"nothing," sapnap rushed a response. dream did not want to think about it.
instead, he sang along to his playlist with sapnap hyping him up, a new sense of closeness between them that wasn't there before.
what didn't kill him made him want more, and he wasn't dying yet.
sapnap's face was illuminated by the vending machines outside of 7/11 and dream didn't think he could stoop to a lower level.
seriously ? just because a cute boy is all concentrated while choosing snacks means you have to -
"what should i get?" sapnap whined at him, tugging his hoodie sleeve and interrupting his train of thought. dream felt his insides melt and explode all at once.
"i don't know why you're asking me," dream rolled his eyes, hoping for some semblance of control. "you're the one who wanted this."
sapnap pouted again. "you're so mean to me! what do you want?"
"i already got a slushee and pizza from inside, sap, i'm satisfied. it's up to you." he looked to the vending machine, pretending he was reviewing the insides rather than trying not to stare at his friend's face.
sapnap eventually did get chips, a coke, and some chocolates (that happened to be dream's favourites) after many minutes of just standing there complaining. when they got back in the car, he shoved the chocolates into the blonde's hands.
obviously he was visibly confused, because sapnap had spoken up. "i remember you saying you liked those a while ago. i don't know, sorry if i got 'em wrong."
dream truly felt like he could cry, and he hated it. "you remembered?" he hardly did, vaguely recalling a 20-questions game they had played all those weeks ago. "that's. . . surprisingly sweet. thank you, sap."
sapnap just nodded, suddenly looking away from dream.
"uh, anyway, i'll just drive us back real quick. as much as i don't care about the law, i do not want to drive home high off my ass and kill both of us."
dream let out a surprised laugh. "morbid, jesus! but yeah, good idea." he smiles a little too warmly than he means to, too caught up in his own feelings to notice sapnap looking at him a little bewildered (and maybe even awestruck.)
"aight, let's go!" sapnap yelled after a few moments, elongated the last syllable for longer than necessary. dream's insides felt like fireworks.
maybe he wasn't dying from it yet, but if he were, sapnap would be last to know. he wanted this to last forever.
the playlist had long changed from dream's guilty pleasures to one of sapnap's own, filled with hard hitting bass and sultry lyrics.
the blonde pointedly ignored the implications of what putting on that playlist while they were parked outside of their school campus getting high at 3 a.m. meant.
they were situated in the roomy backseat of sapnap's car, the ravenette sitting back and taking hits of his blunt lazily while dream laid his head on his lap, listening to the music and trying not to fall asleep.
it was nice to relax in each other's company, seeing as most of their other outings were filled with chaos and a (somewhat) friendly banter that lasted all the way until they got back home.
they basked in each other's presence and the comfortable silence until sapnap broke it.
"dream?"
the blonde hummed in response, eyes closed from being tired.
"wanna do something gay?"
his eyes shot open staring up at sapnap.
"what? the fuck?"
"is that a no?"
dream blinked. ". . . depends?"
sapnap grinned lazily. dream ignored the clench in his stomach. "attaboy." he ignored it harder. "wanna shotgun?"
the blonde sighed. "you know i don't smoke, sap."
sapnap held his free hand up in a surrender pose. "hey, just a suggestion. you don't have to do it if you don't want to." dream's heart warmed a little, noticing how the ravenette didn't push. bare minimum, perhaps, but a bar hit nonetheless.
"i'll do it."
"that's fine, i expected th- wait, huh?"
"i said, i'll shotgun with you."
for once, sapnap was the one blinking in surprise. "hell yes, dude!" he smiled lopsidedly and dream felt his stomach do a cartwheel.
as sapnap reached for dream's face to pull him closer, the blonde stopped him. he felt a surge of confidence and he got up from the ravenette's lap, adjusting himself until his thighs were on either side of the other's hips.
he felt his face heating up, and he had only hoped sapnap felt the same.
the boy gave him a lazy smirk, and wow, that made him feel lots of things. "bold, now, are we? i like it."
dream laughed, hoping he didn't sound as jittery as he actually was. "let's just get it over with, sappy."
and with that, the man in question took a hit and breathed out into the blonde's mouth, hand snaking up to cradle his jaw. dream breathed in his smoke, a heady feeling taking over him as seconds went by.
he turned to breathe it out the window and, consequently, started coughing. sapnap patted him on the back sympathetically.
"man, the first drag always fucking sucks," dream said, clearing his throat. the ravenette could only nod in solemn agreement.
"that was, uh, really hot though," the smirk sneaked back onto his face. "wanna do it again?"
dream smiled in spite of himself. "you know, i don't think i mind the idea of that."
after several minutes of them passing smoke in between each other's lips and being much too close to be considered just friends, dream felt himself slowly losing all of his self control.
at that point, they were both high off their minds and maybe, just maybe, dream didn't give a shit about ignoring things anymore. it didn't help that sapnap was looking at him like some sort of- of- delicacy . it was a little gross, but, god , if it wasn't hot then he didn't know what was.
"sapnap," he breathes out. "sap."
sapnap hums in response, tilting his head to the side.
"please kiss me. right fucking now."
the ravenette immediately threw the blunt out the window, not seeing a need for it any longer.
"i thought you'd never ask," he grinned, bringing their faces closer together with hands on either side of dream's jaw.
it was, as cliché as it is, mind-blowing. this night had been filled with so much ignoring, so much want. finally, finally, finally , dream faced his feelings.
sapnap nipped at dream's lower lip and they deepened the kiss, too high to care about anything other than the electricity between them.
sapnap's hands fell down to dream's waist, with the latter's hands at the other's shoulders. they made out for what felt like an hour to a song neither of them were paying attention to, and the car filled with a heady tension, and it was absolutely perfect.
they, begrudgingly, separate for air eventually, pressing their foreheads together whilst they caught their breaths.
sapnap looked at him in the eyes with emotions dream couldn't even begin to describe, and their chests were rising and falling in perfect time, and dream had finally gotten what he wanted.
and so, he promptly burst into tears.
he collapsed against sapnap's shoulder, shaking as sobs wracked through his body. he felt an arm wrap around him, squeezing ever so lightly, and a hand finding his, and he was grounded. it took a few minutes, but he stopped crying eventually, though he was still teary.
"dream?" he heard him ask softly, albeit a little panicked. dream knew why, in his post-crying haze. he, while being emotional to a fault, never showed vulnerability in school or at home or anywhere, really. he felt the need to be perceived as strong by everyone and crying like that in front of someone who wasn't george? wholly uncharacteristic. "what's wrong?"
he sniffled in response.
"you gotta talk to me, baby."
"'m fine," he says, voice muffled against sap's shirt, not even finding the energy to be flustered at the pet name.
"dream. . ."
"sorry," he sniffled again, looking up and into sapnap's eyes. he felt like he could cry all over again seeing the concern in them. "i just- i hate this. hate keeping this a secret. hate that people hate you. hate that we have to keep it a secret."
"i know," sapnap sighed, one thumb rubbing small circles onto dream's back, the other rubbing dream's knuckles. "me too."
"don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you, and i. . ."
sapnap hummed lowly, looking down towards where their hands connected. they stayed quiet for a few more moments.
"for whatever it's worth," dream started, voice soft. "i love you."
sapnap's breath hitched, and his thumbs stilled.
"ain't the worst thing you've ever heard?" dream giggled in his panicked haze, his voice watery from the threat of tearing up again.
the next few moments are a tense silence as sapnap processes dream's words. the blonde is about to start bawling again, honestly.
sapnap looks up, grinning like a devil.
"i love you, too. holy shit," he laughed airily. "tonight has been such a fucking trip, oh my god. i love you so fucking much. i think i'm dreaming."
it's all dream can do to keep himself from crying again.