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The first one Jiang Cheng caught was Sadness.
He found it in the Guanyin Temple, fluttering restlessly over Nie Mingjue's tomb. Its lamentations were weak, as if near death, and it barely struggled when Jiang Cheng wrapped his hands around its breast and placed it next to his heart for safekeeping. He came back to the Cloud Recesses where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji kept Nie Huaisang's body in stasis, and allowed Sadness to build a nest within the hollows of Nie Huaisang's ribs.
For the first time in half a year, Nie Huaisang opened his eyes, and wept.
-
The second one Jiang Cheng caught was Anger.
He found it flying over Koi Tower, black as the midnight sky, circling over the hall where Jin Guangyao used to sit but now lay abandoned by Jin Ling, having held too many memories.
It had been there for quite a while, Jin Ling said, but they thought it would leave eventually. It hurt nothing unless they tried to shoot it down, and when they did it would swoop down and attempt to claw at its assailant's throat.
This one was harder to catch than Sadness. It wouldn't let Jiang Cheng near and evaded all the traps they laid out. Jiang Cheng had to drive an arrow through its wings and reel it towards him, apologizing over and over as it wailed in agony. As soon has he could reach it with his arms, Jiang Cheng wrapped his hands around its breast and placed it next to his heart for safekeeping.
He came back to the Cloud Recesses, and allowed Anger to build a nest within the hollows of Nie Huaisang's ribs.
Nie Huaisang opened his eyes, empty but for burning self-hatred. They had to tie his hands and feet to keep him from harming himself and those around him, and his wrists and ankles bled as he struggled against his restraints.
-
The third one Jiang Cheng caught was Fear.
He found it in the Ruins of the Nightless City, gliding silently over the mass of bones that littered on the dry ground. Like Anger, it refused to let him come near. But Jiang Cheng didn't want to hurt it anymore, so he laid on his back unmoving for days on the dry ground littered with bones, and waited. One day, Fear came near him, in tiny, cautious hops, the sound of its talons scraping against the sand. Jiang Cheng did not move. It came near enough to pluck his eyes with its beak, and still Jiang Cheng did not move. Then, as if an epiphany occurred to it, it leaped on his chest, and burrowed into his heart for safekeeping.
Jiang Cheng, dizzy with lack of food and water, came back to the Cloud Recesses, and allowed Fear to build a nest within the hollows of Nie Huaisang's ribs.
Nie Huaisang opened his eyes and stopped struggling against the ropes that bound him. He curled inward on himself, trembling like a leaf, and sobbed.
Why didn't they let him die? he said. They should have let him die. He's too afraid to take his own life, now that he feels Fear.
Upon hearing this, Jiang Cheng laid him against his chest, against his heart, and rocked him in his arms, caged in his arms for safekeeping.
They fell asleep to the sound of the guqin and the flute's soothing melodies, and in the morning Jiang Cheng rose with the sunlight, and watched Nie Huaisang sleep.
-
The fourth one Jiang Cheng caught was Disgust.
It was in the Cloud Recesses, being coaxed by the younger Lan disciples to eat scraps from their midday meals, and spitting it out whenever it gets a mouthful. Wei Wuxian found it, but had to wait for Jiang Cheng to arrive to catch it, because it allowed no-one else to come near. They tried give Disgust back to Nie Huaisang, but it took one look at him and squawked violently, clamoring to be let out of the room, clawing at everyone who comes in its way. So in the meantime, Jiang Cheng wrapped his arms around its breast and placed it next to his heart for safekeeping.
Disgust buried itself like roots so deep within Jiang Cheng's chest that sometimes, he found it difficult to look at Nie Huaisang. Several weeks later and Disgust still clung to Jiang Cheng, and he became so frustrated that he barged into Nie Huaisang's room, and grabbed him by the arms, and forced it to look at him, saying, "How? How could you hate someone so beautiful?"
Upon hearing this, Disgust leapt from Jiang Cheng's chest and built a nest within the hollows of Nie Huaisang's ribs.
-
The fifth one Jiang Cheng caught was Surprise.
He found it floating along the waters of Lotus Pier, eating duckweed from the surface. When Jiang Cheng saw it he was in the middle of receiving Jin Ling and Jin Ling's friends at the dock, and was so caught off guard that he hadn't noticed he'd walked directly off the edge and fell into the water.
He surfaced just beneath Surprise's webbed feet, quickly wrapping his hands around its flank and placing it next to his heart for safekeeping. He came back to the Cloud Recesses and allowed Surprise to build a nest in the hollows of Nie Huaisang's ribs.
Nie Huaisang opened his eyes, and asked, "Why are you doing this, Jiang Wanyin?"
Jiang Cheng looked at him, and then turned away, huffing.
"Isn't it obvious?" he said.
-
Jiang Cheng never found Joy. He kept searching, and kept searching, and kept searching, but it never appeared to him.
Nie Huaisang came back to the Unclean Realm. His movements were languid and his eyes full of sorrow, but his soul was as stable as much as a soul with missing pieces could be. He could not partake in anything that strained either his qi or his body, but writing letters, performing soft diplomacy, making sure the internal affairs of his sect are in order -- that, he said, he could do.
Jiang Cheng now splits his time between Lotus Pier, Koi Tower, and the Unclean Realm, although as Jin Ling starts to come to his own Jiang Cheng finds himself being chased away from the Jin Sect more often than not. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji visit often as well. They and Jiang Cheng sometimes come together, and Nie Huaisang would greet them with his head bowed and eyes unsmiling, offering them tea or a tour of the latest new addition to the Unclean Realm's gardens.
His disciples are good to him, he said. They treat him kindly, almost as if he were made of glass. He doesn't know why they would.
One day, as Nie Huaisang escorted Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian, and Lan Wangji outside of the gates of the Unclean Realm, Jiang Cheng turned around, wrapped his arms around Nie Huaisang's waist, and kissed him on the lips in plain view of all of the Nie sect's elders and prominent disciples. The kiss was dry and chaste, but just knowing Nie Huaisang was warm and alive against his skin made him dizzy.
When they parted, Jiang Cheng looked at his flushed face, and asked, "How do you feel?"
Nie Huaisang seemed bewildered, breathing heavily against him. There was no Sadness, no Anger, no Fear, no Disgust in his eyes.
"Surprised," Nie Huaisang said, after a moment.
Jiang Cheng smiled. "Good."
-
Nie Huaisang found Joy, fluttering outside of his guest quarters at Lotus Pier. It flew back and forth, as if beckoning him to follow, so he did.
Joy led him to Love, a red little thing barely old enough to sprout feathers, squirming and defenseless on the damp soil. He gently cradled Love in his palms, marveling at how warm it feels in its smallness, even as Joy made itself a home in his heart.
When he opens his eyes he could hear Jiang Cheng calling him, and when he turns, he smiles for the first time in years.
"Jiang Cheng," he says, offering him his open palms. "Look."
And Jiang Cheng cradled Nie Huaisang's hands in his own, and they let Love warm them.