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Hyunjin doesn’t want to admit that he’s dealing with his break up with Seungmin poorly, terribly even. In his defense, it’s not like it’s easy to forget someone you have been with for a year, like almost everyday of the year. Of course, he still wakes up thinking about how he’s going to spend the day with Seungmin only to realize they had already called it quits. Hyunjin still plans his calendar, out of a habit, with the other guy in mind. It has been roughly two months since then, but there's a part of him which still refuses to accept the fact that they are, indeed, over.
He cried on the night before their break up, after Seungmin had canceled their date on the usual coffee shop only to see his boyfriend was with someone else. Hyunjin would have fooled himself that Seungmin was with a friend, but the latter’s hand possessively holding the person’s nape as he kissed him tells him otherwise. He wasn’t expecting it to come sooner, but just as he finally calmed down from his crying, Seungmin sent him an SMS, ‘can you meet me at kidz cafe tomorrow after class? I’m gonna tell you something important.’
The next moment he finds himself in the coffee shop, the same guy, his boyfriend was with yesterday, is also there in front of him. He kind of give a foreign aura and according to Seungmin, when he was still able to take in what the guy was talking about before anger had deafened him out, his name is Chan and he’s from Australia, he’s also his childhood friend.
“I know this is too much to ask, but I hope I can remain friends with you.” Seungmin says right after Hyunjin shed a tear and it almost made him laugh, if Professor Fletcher from Whiplash were there, he would have been called a single teared bitch. Hyunjin, out of his love for Seungmin, nods and sees the most genuine smile Seungmin has ever shown him. “Me too, I hope I can be friends with you.” Chan mumbles with a sheepish smile.
Hyunjin hates how he can never say no to Seungmin; the latter, despite being quieter, had always been the braver one, always trying out new things. He, on the other hand, had always been a play safe, hiding inside his cocoon of comfort. The first time was when Seungmin went to his dormitory with a bruising hickey on his neck, “It’s nothing, Jin, I was just curious about how a girl gives a hickey” he said as an explanation, as he hugged Hyungjin from behind, but with the way he smelled him, he knew it was more than just a curiosity.
Seeing Seungmin with other girls or guys had been something constant in their relationship, but Seungmin always tells him, “you’re the only person I love.” Despite hurting, Hyunjin takes that and even though Seungmin never apologized, Hyunjin always forgives him. Because Seungmin is just like that, he’s a person who refuses to be bound by any rules and standards and does whatever he wants.
Hyunjin knew very well that if he were to ask Seungmin to stop doing those things, that would mean asking the older guy to change himself for him. He learned to love Seungmin because of his spontaneity, his free spiritedness, his persistence, and his bravery, wouldn’t it be stupid to hate him for the same thing too? Hyunjin endured these things throughout their relationship, but he never expected him to break it off with him.
“Hey, the library’s closing, shouldn’t you be leaving by now?” Hyunjin hears from his left, there standing beside him dressed in a basketball jersey is their school’s basketball star, Seo Changbin. Hyunjin wants to ask why Changbin is there in the library looking like he had just finished practicing with sweat and all, but that’s none of his business. “You’ve been there looking at the same page for the last fifteen minutes. Are you even reading?” he says as he snickers.
“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin mumbles, putting his book inside his bag, readying himself to leave. Changbin snickers again then he hears another voice, coming from the student assistant, if he remembered it right, the guy’s name is Jeongin. Changbin then leaves his side and goes towards the counter where the student assistant is. Jeongin is talking about where he wants to eat with his Changbin hyung as a payment for something. When he turned to them, he saw Changbin pinching Jeongin’s cheek, saying words like, ‘if you do aegyo for hyung, I will buy you a pizza.’
He felt like he’s intruding an intimate scene, so he leaves as quiet as possible. He left with a bittersweet smile; Seungmin never did that to him, they were always quiet when they were together. He doesn’t hate it, though, he thought that it was actually special; they don’t need words to communicate. Just lying side by side and eyes on each other. It’s not like he doesn’t have anything to tell the othe, Seungmin is just a really quiet person and he doesn’t want to change that.
The next time Hyunjin sees Changbin, it's during intramurals, the guy is on the court owning the game like a pro. Hyunjin is there to cover the event as he is a writer of their school publication; he’s with Felix, a photojournalist apprentice. He found out that the student assistant he thought was Changbin's boyfriend is actually Felix's best friend when the latter introduced Jeongin to him.
Chan is also there on the court, he’s in the opposite team where Changbin plays. The game is Engineering department versus Arts department and Hyunjin cheers for the latter, not because it’s the opposing team of his ex's boyfriend, but because he’s in that department, he’d like to believe in that.
He first met Changbin when they were freshmen; he actually met him before Seungmin, at first, he thought they were going to be college buddies. They were classmates in a GE subject, but it turned out that the guy’s personality is so different from his. On their first week, Changbin had already managed to befriend almost half of the school population while Hyunjin was still awkward with his classmates.
They drifted apart a month after they met, Hyunjin found it suffocating to be around with Changbin, who constantly has a lot of people around him. Then a semester after that, he finally met the quiet engineering major named Seungmin who eventually became his boyfriend. When the half time break came in, he saw Seungmin wiping Chan’s sweats, giving him a bottle of water, and cheering him with a kiss. Hyunjin thinks that it has only been four months, he can't move on and get over his ex yet, so he looked away when he saw Chan leaning towards Seungmin.
In the middle of the game, the referee called Chan for a foul as he and Changbin literally clashed against each other, making the latter topple and fall on his back badly. The whole gymnasium shouted at the scene, Changbin’s teammates immediately went to his side and help him stand up. He was then given a chance to do a free throw and maybe it was just Hyunjin, but he felt that Changbin turned to him before he threw the ball was able to shoot it perfectly. The game continued on and the College of Arts and Letters won.
Changbin’s team cheers and celebrates while on the other side of the room was Chan’s team. And of course, Seungmin instantly goes to Chan side, hugging him and kissing him. Hyunjin couldn’t help, but wonder why Seungmin never kissed him in front of other people before, they held hands, but they never kissed. “Hyunjin!” he turns away from the scene between his ex and Chan when Felix called him, he had his DSLR in his hands and their department’s bandana tied on his wrist. The younger looks like the stereotype of their course.
“It’s so nice that our department won, I have a lot of shots of our MVP!” he happily announces as he fumbles with the device, showing him photos of Changbin. The crowd’s already thinning out by then and that’s good since he still has to interview Changbin. And when the fangirls and fanboys decreased significantly, Hyunjin goes to Changbin’s side with Felix in tow.
“I'm glad you watched my game.” Changbin says, walking closer to Hyunjin, meeting him halfway, smiling to him. “Uhh, I’m actually covering for the game.” Hyunjin replies, showing Changbin his campus press ID. The MVP nods, “So, are you going to interview me? Or?” he asks Hyunjin as he glances towards the other guy taking photos like a paparazzi. “Felix.” The writer calls the apprentice’s attention to which the other mumbled an apology to him and Changbin.
The interview with Changbin went well, except for Felix’s fanboying when the basketball player mentioned that he has the same major as him. Despite Changbin being considered as a basketball star in their university, he’s still humble and answers Hyunjin’s questions intelligently. “Um, you’re welcome? Not to sound like a typical jock, but it would be nice if I can take you out?” he replies after Hyunjin thanked him as a formality for the end of their interview.
“I mean, will you go out on a date with me?” Changbin asked when Hyunjin gave him an incredulous look. The basketball player’s waiting for the writer’s reply with his teammates’ voice in the background talking about their after party. “Uhh. I guess that’s a no? But, if you change your mind,” he said again stealing the pen and notebook from Hyunjin, scribbling something on the top page. “Here’s my number, you can call me or send me a message.” he hands it back to Hyunjin as he gives him a sincere smile.
“Please give it a thought.” He then reaches his hand to pat Hyunjin’s shoulder, “Please?” he says again, and when he didn’t get a reply, he smiles at him once more, leaves the writer, and went back to his teammates. It’s not like he wants to say no, but going out on a date with someone while you’re still not over someone would be meaningless. It’s like trying out clothes in a clothing shop but not buying anything, you're only tiring yourself.
Hyunjin decided to clean his dorm room, it was very rare for him to do it, not because he likes dirt and all, but because he thought it would make him feel better. But he was wrong; cleaning his room meant cleaning all his memories with Seungmin away. He can see him in every corner of his room, he can see him lying on his bed, he can see him on the pile of dirty clothes he has yet to wash.
He learned that it’s hard to move on when he is always in a constant battle between wanting to and not wanting to. So when he sees an old photograph of him and Seungmin he cries for a good hour before proceeding to finish cleaning whilst trying to stop himself from crying more. When he’s almost done, he sees his small notebook he uses when he interviews and gathers information when he’s covering for school events.
It’s already filled with notes; the last time he used that was two months ago, during the intramurals. He scans it nonchalantly then throws it towards his other trash; he already bought a new one anyway.
“Changbin?” Hyunjin says when he saw Changbin sitting outside their publication office, he’s fumbling with his phone while hugging a basketball in his arms. “Hyunjin!” he replies as he stood up, smiling bashfully. “Yes? Do you need something?”
“Someone rather, I need you. I mean, I need to talk to you.” The basketball star blushes with his own words. “Are you busy right now?” He asks as Hyunjin blinks at him, clearly lost with Changbin’s sudden words. “Not really.” Hyunjin replies, he isn’t really busy, he’s only heading towards the office to give the editor-in-chief the calendar of activities of the school.
“That’s good, can you give me five minutes or… so?”
“Uhh, sure. Let me just give this to Minho.” After Changbin nodded, Hyunjin walked towards the office and he heard quiet murmurs for a minute before Hyunjin comes back, “so?”
“Let’s not talk here. Can we go there?” Changbin then points towards the empty gazebo few meters away from the office, Hyunjin nods and Changbin leads the way.
“I’m serious about taking you out on a date, I don’t want to come off so desperate so I gave you time.” He starts and Hyunjin visibly changes his mood, “I’m not forcing myself on you, but please, give me a chance?” He says and finds Hyunjin eyes, staring intently at him, “How about, you let me take you out for a month and after that, if you still don’t want it, I’ll stop.” He then reaches his hand to hold Hyunjin’s but the latter pulls away instantly.
Hyunjin wanted to say no, but then he sees Seungmin coming closer to them holding Chan’s hand. “Hey, Hyunjinie.” Hyunjin couldn’t help but get soft; it has been a while since the last time he heard that term of endearment. “Are you going out with Changbin?” Chan asks and Hyunjin must have been out of his mind because he said, “Yes, we’re actually going to our date right now, so if you may excuse us.” then he takes Changbin’s hand and pulled him with him.
“I’m sorry I used you.” Hyunjin says to Changbin as they wait for their order in kidz cafe, “But I think you already know the reason why I can’t date you… or anyone for that matter.” They sat specifically away from his and Seungmin’s usual spot. They had to because that spot holds a special memory for Hyunjin. “Isn’t he dating Chan now?” Hyunjin nods then Changbin waits for the waiter to walk away before he spoke again. “Shouldn’t you move on already?”
Hyunjin turned sharply at Changbin with his brows knotted together, “Moving on isn’t that easy. Seungmin and I dated for a year, forgetting him isn’t that easy.” He replies in thoughts of shutting Changbin up, “So you want to stay like that forever? You want to spend the rest of your life pining for a guy who’s already miles away from you and already has someone else in his arms? Hyunjin, I’m sorry, but I know you’re not blind to see how much Seungmin loves Chan.” Hyunjin doesn’t have to be told about that, so he stands up and leaves the coffee shop.
“Hyunjin, wait.” Changbin follows him but Hyunjin only turned back at him when they’re already outside, and then Changbin suddenly felt a hard slap on his face. “You don’t know me, Changbin. You don’t know us, you know nothing about us, so don’t pretend like you do.” Hyunjin says, inching closer to Changbin, uttering words with daggers.
“Yeah, you’re right, I don’t know you and Seungmin, but that doesn’t change the fact that Seungmin’s already over you.” Hyunjin managed to avoid crying for a week; how could Changbin shake his fragile heart, he’s just a no one in Hyunjin’s life. “Hyunjin,” he says as he carefully pulls the crying guy in his arms, Hyunjin wanted to pull away and push Changbin or maybe punch him, but crying while there are arms wrapped securely around him makes him feel… better? Like it somehow stops all Hyunjin’s broken pieces from crumbling down.
“My words were harsh, I’m sorry about that. But, I’m asking you to move on not because I want you for me, well if we could get a chance that would be great, but I’m asking you to because you don’t deserve to be like this. You don’t deserve to feel like this. Do you understand?” Maybe it was his desperation for someone’s warmth or was is the sincerity in Changbin’s eyes, that made Hyunjin nod and melt in the other’s arms.
Ever since then, Changbin kept walking Hyunjin back to his dorm room. The basketball player would pick him up from either his last class or the publication office after his basketball practice. “You don’t have to, Changbin. I’m also a man.” He says one time when Changbin offered to carry Hyunjin’s bag. “Hey, I want to do this not because I see you lesser than me. It’s because you’re tired and maybe I can do something to make you feel less tired?” He replies calmly, still not letting go of his hold on the strap of Hyunjin’s bag.
“You just got off from your practice, aren’t you the tired one?” Hyunjin says this not because he’s starting to care about Changbin, he tells himself that. “I’m not tired, Hyunjin. I’m never tired when I’m with you.” And because Changbin smiled at him so sincerely, he lets him take his bag. Changbin’s a nice guy, he’s chivalrous, though he doesn’t really have to and he’s also funny.
Most of the times, Changbin is the one talking, but he can make Hyunjin laugh. “I’m Changbin,” out of the blue, Changbin says as they walk towards the ice cream parlor, “You are…” Hyunjin doesn’t know if he should answer or not but before he could even decide, Changbin talks again, “beautiful.” Then he finished it with his signature smile, the one that makes Hyunjin warm and fuzzy.
Hyunjin laughed and thought that maybe going out on their first date wouldn’t be so bad. Their date was nothing like going to an amusement park and torturing the hell out of themselves, nothing like his date with Seungmin. Instead, they went to the park with a picnic basket and a blanket. It was simple, but it was nice, it was calming like Changbin’s voice.
Seeing Changbin outside his front door on a Monday morning is a surprise for Hyunjin. They don’t go to school together because Hyunjin’s class starts much later than Changbin's. But here he is, clad in his varsity Jacket with a huge bag on his back, “Hi. I wanted to go to school together today because I won’t be able to walk you home later.” He says before Hyunjin could even ask.
“And why is that?” Hyunjin realizes that it came off differently, “I mean, are you– um–” Changbin laughs at it quietly “We’re going to stay the night at the gym, don’t miss me too much, okay?” he says, and with the way Hyunjin’s face went red he knew he’s making him feel something. Changbin’s not sure if it’s love or like or crush or just sheer shyness, but it’s definitely something.
When they reached Hyunjin’s classroom, Changbin placed his hand on Hyunjin’s nape. “They call me Changbin,” he says and Hyunjin creases his forehead, “But you can call me tonight.” Changbin grins at him and tries to hold his laugh back, Hyunjin had no choice but to hide his face on his hands, grinning at the pickup line.
“Seriously, though,” Changbin talks again and pulls the hands off Hyunjin’s face, “Call me when you get home later,” he holds Hyunjin’s hand in his, caressing the back of his palm, “okay?” he asks and Hyunjin nods timidly. The basketball player then pulls the writer’s hand and kissed it before he walked off.
“I know you wouldn’t call me so I did it myself.” Changbin says over the phone the moment Hyunjin answered the call, “but I was just about to call you just now” came in the reply of Hyunjin which earned a tiny ‘oh’ from the other. It is then Hyunjin’s turn to laugh, but it didn’t last long because Changbin speaks again, “your laugh’s really beautiful.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be practicing right now?” Hyunjin replies after feeling the sudden warmth crawling up to the tips of his ears, “Thirty-minute break. Are you tired? How have you been?” Hyunjin could hear the sound of basketballs bouncing from the floor of the gymnasium, “A little, but I’m fine. How are you?” Then on, Changbin blabbers about their upcoming games and how Hyunjin should be there to cheer him. And the latter replied ‘of course, I’d have to be there, I’m a sports writer.’
“What do they call you?” Changbin asks quietly as they are inside the library, he’s accompanying Hyunjin who is looking for a good reference book for his mini thesis. “Hyunjin?” Hyunjin replies casually, too focused on reading the book titles in the literature section, “Ahh. Well, if I were them, I’d call you mine, doesn’t it sound so much better?” Changbin whispers at him while suppressing his giggles. Hyunjin hid his smile by burying his head on the book and by elbowing Changbin.
Hyunjin was walking towards his class when he hears a familiar voice singing his favorite song, “Me to You and You to Me” an OST of his all-time favorite movie, The Classic. “I hope that, to you, I will become a perfect piece of memory like a sunset,” Changbin is there, walking towards him with a flower in his one hand, which Hyunjin can tell, was picked from the school garden.
“And will remain without regrets like a picture. Oh that reminds you of our precious green days,” the basketball player isn’t dressed with his jersey and had his DSLR in his other hand, “To me, you became the one ray of sunshine that lit up my lonely hours gone by,” Albeit shy from getting the people’s attention, Hyunjin takes the flower and hides his smile with his hand. “And became the promise of eternity that glitters like a jewel upon your small white palm.”
“Hi. I hoped you like the sound track I provided you because seeing you from a far makes you look like you’re in a movie. And if maybe, just maybe your heart is finally warming up for me, I could be your leading man too?” Hyungjin was certain, base from the squeals he can hear nearby, it wasn’t just him dying from too much cheese also known as Seo Changbin.
Hyunjin has been finding himself smiling more and more and though he’s not admitting it yet, it’s because of Changbin and his pickup lines and his songs and just Changbin.
He was supposed to meet Changbin after class like the usual, they were supposed to eat at Viva Polo for dinner, but the other got held back for his basketball practice. Halfheartedly, he went home alone and an hour after getting there he hears a knock, he’s kind of hoping it’s Changbin but then he sees a crying Seungmin in front of him.
“Tell me Hyunjin, am I really a bad person?” Seungmin said as soon as their eyes met. “Seungmin? What happened?” The other replied by crying his heart out on a confused Hyunjin, “We’re still friends right?” he asks, Hyunjin isn’t really sure how to answer that, because when he started dating Chan, the other never made him feel that way. “You love me right?” to this, Hyunjin knows his answer.
“Of course.” He replies and Seungmin jumps onto his arms, hugging him tight. “Then why can’t he love me?” Seungmin’s reply got muffled by Hyunjin’s shoulder as he pulled him closer, failing to see a guy wearing a basketball jersey standing at the corner of the hallway. Hyunjin was supposed to call Changbin that night, but Seungmin kept crying and wasn't letting him go.
Apparently, Chan is confused if he really loves Seungmin. Seungmin was just having a hard time to take that in. Hearing that didn’t make Hyunjin feel anything, that’s when he finally realized, he’s over Seungmin. He didn’t realize it soon enough, that he was no longer in love with a person, but in a memory instead, and that he was just too stubborn to let these memories go. He’s also too stubborn to acknowledge that he might like a certain basketball player, who knows too many pickup lines, way too many pick up lines but he’s not complaining.
Hyunjin is excitedly waiting for Changbin to pick him up from the publication office, but his smile faded away when he realized that it’s going to be a month next week, “It’s on Saturday” He says to Changbin as they walk towards Hyunjin’s dorm.
“What?” Changbin replies and Hyunjin can feel that the other has been trying to hold his hand by brushing his from time to time, “It’s gonna be a month, on Saturday.” Changbin almost stopped walking but tries his best to keep his cool. “You’re so excited to get rid of me.” He says quietly and Hyunjin wanted to say no, that that’s not what he meant, but they’re already in front of his dorm room. Changbin looks hurt and sad and Hyunjin wants to hug him?
“Hyunjin, since, we only have a few more days left,” there’s a confusing look on his face, “what about we stop this now.” Hyunjin feels like laughing because if Changbin were joking, it’s funny, “I’m sorry for pushing myself on you, I should have known from the start this isn’t going to work, that you’ll never gonna learn to love me.” He creases his forehead, “love, after all, isn’t about the effort,” he says as he takes Hyunjin’s hand in his, “because no matter how many times I walk you home, how many times I pick you up, how many times I make you feel how much I love you,” he gently squeezes Hyunjin’s hand, “I’m not the one you want, so I’ll never be loved by you.” Then he lets it go.
“Seo Changbin!” Hyunjin shouts and pulls Changbin’s hand back. “Seo Changbin! You are not letting go of my hand in this instant and you will listen to me, to everything I will say!” Then he walks until he’s merely centimeters away from a surprised Changbin, then he leaned down and let his feelings do the talking. He has been kissed by Seungmin countless times but he never felt the same warmth, the same need like how Changbin is making him feel as soon as he responded to the kiss.
Changbin is softly pulling Hyungjin to his height, kissing him slow as if memorizing every curves and slopes of his lips. It’s slow, so slow like Changbin knows he has all the time in the world, like he wouldn’t mind if this would last a lifetime.
It’s almost painful, like physically painful to finally feel this wanted.
“Can people, for once, ask me how I really feel instead of assuming?” he says, crying and by the way Changbin is cradling his face, he knows he’s sorry, so so sorry. “I’m Hyunjin and you are… handsome,” he says as looks back to Changbin’s eyes “They call me Hyunjin but you can call me anytime you want.” Changbin smiles in the kiss as he listens to his pickup lines, he then pulls Hyunjin closer by the waist, “They call me Hyunjin, but please call me ‘mine.’”
“Okay, you are mine. I love you, Hyunjin.” Changbin finally responded and Hyunjin feels like melting onto the older’s arms.
“I really thought you were still not over Seungmin, I heard you tell him that you love him. I mean he asked you if you love him and you said of course.” Changbin says from Hyunjin’s small couch in his small dorm room. “Was that the Wednesday before you tried to break it off with me?” Hyunjin goes back to sit in between Changbin’s legs with an ice cream tub and spoons in hands. Changbin nods sheepishly as he helps the other settle down.
“Of course, I love Seungmin.” Changbin shoots him a look as Hyunjin smiled, “I mean, we dated and all, but before all that chaos, he was a friend. He went here because he was hurting over Chan’s confusion.” He then takes a spoonful and motioned Changbin to open his mouth.
“Also, by that time, I was already getting way too excited about walking back home with this handsome, gentleman, basketball star player.” Hyunjin then slowly leaned to give Changbin his small butterfly kisses that the latter love. “I was already his and his alone.”
“Mine,” Changbin says, pulling Hyunjin closer to his chest as if they’re aren’t already close enough. “You’re mine.” He says again, kissing Hyunjin’s cheek, down to his neck, to his shoulder. “All mine.” Hyungjin could only sigh in contentment. So this is how it feels like to be loved, to be genuinely loved.
He smiled and stared back at Changbin’s eyes, “I love you. You know that right? You know that I love you with all my heart?” Changbin says. Hyunjin nods and gives him another kiss.
“You know, I was really sad when we drifted apart back in freshmen year, I thought of ways on how to win you back, for months I tried hard to make you stay and keep you with me, but after a while I found out you’re already dating Seungmin.” Hyunjin never heard of it, didn’t even think about it, but now that Changbin told him, how could he never realize that? “Then when I found out you guys were over, I knew that was my chance and I will never let that go. I decided that I will never let you go.”
“Mine? Mine. Mine. Mine.” Hyunjin says, smiling because he’s still getting used to call Changbin that, he finds it too cheesy, but he likes it. Changbin hums and smiles back. “Thank you and I love you, too, I love you so much.”
end