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The nights had begun to lengthen and deepen in their darkness. The castle groaned with the cooling of the air, the wooden doors and frames warping with cold. Your windows were glossy and black, reflecting nothing but the candles you had lit around your rooms. Over a large wooden worktable in the corner of your classroom-turned-studio you carefully laid out your brushes, your wand, and the three vials Severus had made for you.
Your brushes crafted with woods infused with hair from Jackalopes, Granians, and Tebo had come to you much like your wand had. Along the way of your training, through your apprenticeships and mentor-ships, you had amassed a good collection of tools which strengthened your ability to create. You found it surprising and amusing how many people didn't seem to have any understanding of what you did, considering how accessible it was. As with many crafts, the trick of it wasn't your magical ability, or what tools you had, just patience. You had seen many promising wix move away from painting after realizing the time it would take- but it had never deterred you because you knew that painting, like many worthwhile spells, would be worth it.
Upon closer inspection you had realized that these pigments were rare enough that the vials you now possessed may be that last you'd ever have. One was easier to identify than the others—glowing pale pink, you had recognized it immediately as Phosphen. It gave paintings the ability to emit light.
The next was the only vial of the three you had ever worked with before. Nearly indistinguishable from floo powder, if Port was used on two paintings at once, the paintings would become pathways to each other connecting to one another no matter how vast their distance. There were many tales of Port helping to conceal the magical world's greatest artifacts and mysteries.
The last vial held a pigment so rare, your research had only ever mentioned it in ancient history: Perle. Only used on the most prestigious, sacred portraits, Perle was added to allow a portrait to retain the subject's memories. There was a rumor that somewhere lost to the magical world a portrait of Merlin was hidden, that Merlin himself had taught all he knew.
Off to the side of the table you had large pots of gesso, wax resin, and rabbit skin glue at the ready. Gently propping the Fat Lady's portrait on your easel, you ran a gloved hand down the large rip, grimacing at you traced the path Sirius had left. You would have to reline the entire back of the portrait. Carefully turning the portrait around, you dipped a large brush into the resin and carefully began.
You woke up from the sunlight hitting the freshly fallen snow. Outside the cottage the world shone bright and glittering, the sun already high in the sky. With a groan you bravely reached your arm out from under the duvet to grab your wand, waiving it at the stove. Nothing happened. Cracking one eye open, you looked over to see that you were out of firewood.
Wrapping the duvet around yourself, half awake, you slipped your boots on. Hagrid had been kind enough to give you weekly deliveries of wood he chopped for himself. You winced as you opened your front door, the sunlight bounced up from the snow and into your eyes. Grimacing, you shaded your face with one hand while the other kept the duvet wrapped tightly about you. Sluggishly gesturing with your wand, several logs rose into the air and through your cottage to rest beside the stove.
No sooner had you shut your door and turned to get the fire started when someone knocked. You cringed at the loud sound, realizing you had a fierce headache. As you dragged your feet back to the door you slowly remembered how much fire whiskey you had drank the night before. How you had found yourself in the Gryffindor common room, dancing with all your new friends. How Peter's behavior had driven you away and how much you wished to forget that.
"Hold on!" you called as your hand feebly reached the door. Pulling it open, you squinted up to see Sirius and James. Their faces transformed from grins to shock at the state of you, disheveled, blanketed and grumpy.
"Blimey-" James laughed, glancing at Sirius.
You flushed, immediately regretting answering the door. "I'm fine!" you frantically assured, pulling the duvet over your pajamas to fully conceal them. "I just- did something happen? You're up so early."
Sirius and James exchanged looks before Sirius chuckled again. "Love," he started, "…it's nearly midday. We came over because you never showed for breakfast."
Embarrassment burned through you. "OH," you managed, horrified. Pushing the door open wider to welcome them in, the only thing you could manage to do was get back to making a fire. James walked in, curious to see your cottage, Sirius hovered over you worriedly as you opened the stove and began to place wood inside. "I swear I'm fine!" you repeated, sounding more haggard than intended. "I'm just a little tired after las- Oof!" You quickly pulled your hand away from the stove, as if burned, just in time to see a little coal mite scurry away. It had bitten your hand leaving little sooty teeth marks.
"What happened?" Sirius asked, leaning forward to take your hand in his. You quickly withdrew your hands under your duvet. "What did you do?"
"Nothing! Just a splinter, I think."
They both watched you with unconvinced expressions. James looked concerned, Sirius looked annoyed. You smiled at your friends, trying to ignore the pulsing sting around the bite mark. You could taste a burnt flavor in your mouth.
"What do you think, Prongs?" Sirius began, eyebrows raised. "Ravenclaws are rubbish at lying?"
James wilted a little at the idea of teasing you, coming to sit next to you on the bed. He put his large hand on the top of your head, "Gryffindors can be rubbish too."
You smiled at James, rolling your eyes. You tried to relax and get over your embarrassment by reminding yourself of how lucky you were to have friends that were kind enough to check up on you. It was nice to focus on as the pain in your hand bloomed. "I'm not lying," you chuckled.
"Your tongue is black."
You started, confused. You were about to ask if that was some sort of expression but you were distracted by how hot it was in your cottage, despite the lack of fire. "That's sil-" You put a hand out to your side to catch yourself from falling over as a wave of dizziness overtook you. "Silly." you finished, focusing to keep upright as the heat and dizziness grew.
"Sirius" James started, alarm coming into his voice.
It was easier if your eyes were closed. Your skin was beginning to feel sun burnt, prickly and overstimulated. You could hear Sirius rush over, his hand touching your forehead lightly.
It may have been a boon to you that your awareness was fading in and out. If James and Sirius appearing at your cottage had been overwhelming, then being carried across the Hogwarts grounds by James Potter may have been unbearable if you were completely lucid. You wouldn't remember James' unfailing, quick pace as he carried you over every hill and staircase. You wouldn't remember Sirius telling groups of students to mind their own business, if not with words then with his wand. You wouldn't remember being delivered to Madame Pomfrey in James' unshaking arms, still wrapped in your duvet.
Your world blurred over in fever as the burnt taste in your mouth grew, and a grey pallor took over your hand.
It was dark save for the early glow of dawn. It took you a moment to wake up, to realize that you were in the Hospital Wing. You pushed your hands against your face, embarrassment flooding through you as you whined into your palms. At least you felt better, no thanks to you. With a sigh you pulled the blankets up over you shoulders. You felt unusually cold as if you had been laying in the snow. Shivering, you looked around and noticed that there was only one other bed filled but it was too dim to see them properly.
You drifted in and out of sleep as the day slowly brightened and the castle awoke, sounds began to echo from nearby corridors and rooms. It was still dim when you stirred awake just enough to hear several people talking around you.
"What happened?" Remus asked, voice low.
"Bit by a bloody coal mite! Tried to hide it from us and everything!" Sirius responded haughtily, clearly still annoyed.
"What? When was this?"
"Yesterday. James and I looked in after breakfast."
"Oh-" Remus' tone hardened. "Just visiting?"
"We wanted to check in after the party." James answered, patting Remus' shoulder. "Everything was fine until… um, this."
"Nearly burst into flame." Sirius added, shaking his head.
"That's an awful thing to say!" Lily hissed.
"Easy Evans… James was the one who handled the whole thing. Madame Pomfrey looked like she was going to kiss him."
"She did not!" James laughed, winking at Lily.
You stirred awake, looking over at who was laying in the neighboring hospital bed. You were surprised to see Remus smiling tiredly back at you. "Good morning." He greeted softly.
"Oh no," you breathed, making sense of what it meant for Remus to be laying there. You sat up quickly, only then noticing that Lily and Sirius were sitting on your bed, with James and Peter sitting on Remus'. "Are you alright?"
Remus' eyes widened in alarm as you pushed yourself up. You felt Lily's hand on your shoulder, gently guiding you back down into your pillows. "He's fine!" she cooed, "we were more worried about you."
"Oh," you rolled your eyes, feeling embarrassment rise in you again. You looked between Sirius and James, "I'm sorry I was being such an idiot. I- I was so flustered."
"James and I have that affect on many," Sirius replied, grinning. His tone diffused the anxiety welling up in you. You smiled, which made Sirius smile.
Remus reached over and gently touched your unharmed hand. You were immediately conscious of Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter all exchanging surprised glances, but Remus didn't seem to notice. "How are you feeling now?"
"Cold," you breathed a laugh, pulling the blankets up more.
"Madame Pomfrey told us the antidote may make you feel that way," James assured, as Lily took a spare blanket from an unoccupied bed and draped it over you. "Speaking of," James started, looking over his shoulder, "we should probably leave you to rest before Pomfrey has our heads."
You watched as Remus pulled himself out of his bed, leaning slightly on Sirius. "We will visit soon." Remus promised, smiling at you before he and Sirius made their way to the exit. James and Lily followed suit and you stretched back into your pillows, getting comfortable again. Closing your eyes, you rubbed your shins together to try to generate heat.
"James said you had quite a headache from the party."
You opened your eyes to see Peter taking a seat at the edge of your bed. He looked nervous and sad, fiddling with the bottom button on his shirt. "I did too." he continued, offering a small smile. "I felt awful honestly."
You frowned, uncertain if Peter was referring to the drinking, or his actions. You were thinking of what to say in response when he continued on.
“Sorry," he whispered, biting his lip. “I… I have an easier time talking one on one." His hands continued to fiddle with the button.
You fought shivering as a wave of sick and cold swept over you. If anything, the illness was making you less patient with Peter. "Do you have more to say?" you asked, trying to keep your voice even toned.
"Just that I know I'm stupid, and I've been stupid." Peter's lips twitched into a smile, looking at you expectantly.
You stared at him, unsure of how to feel. Part of you wanted to be angry with Peter, to remind him that if he was trying to apologize for how he acted, this explanation shouldn't focus on how he feels. But there was another part of you that feared being presumptive and assuming the worst of Peter's intentions.
"Listen-" he started again, taking you out of your thoughts. "Why don't we start over? I'll work harder to be friendlier, more present. I'll make you feel welcome, I promise."
If you had been feeling your best you would have been more interested in talking things out, but as it stood now you were fighting to stay awake at all. Another violent shiver went through you as you nodded to Peter, too tired to say anything.
"Good!" Peter exclaimed quickly, standing up and pivoting towards the exit. "I don't want to miss the chance to get some breakfast, but I'm glad we talked!"
The hours lulled by without much notice, you focused on staying as warm as you could and overcoming tiredness in equal measure. It surprised you when you looked outside the window and saw the gleam of sunset, the golden light paled by the falling snow.
"I bet you're hungry!" you heard Peter's voice echo through the door way. You turned, surprised, to see Remus, Sirius and Peter. Peter walked over animatedly, setting a large plate of food on your bedside table. "I got everything that you usually go for, I think! So! How are you feeling? Much improved?"
Your eyes widened as Peter took a seat on your bed, patting your knee. You sat up carefully, resting against your headboard as you took in your three friends. Sirius carefully placed a large glass of pumpkin juice beside the dinner plate, as well as a mug of hot chocolate. Remus came around to the other side of your bed and took a seat on the side of the mattress. “Wow," you started, eyebrows raised. "I- Yes, Peter I am feeling a bit better, thank you."
"Anything you're going to want to do as soon as you're well?" Peter continued, as Sirius sat behind him.
"I'll have to think!" you replied, trying but failing to match Peter's chipper energy. Remus chuckled, reaching over you to pick up the hot chocolate, he placed it in your hands.
"Start with that,” Remus encouraged. "Before it goes cold."
"Maybe we could take you to Hogsmeade?" Peter suggested, fidgeting with the lowest button on his shirt again. You noticed over Peter's shoulder that Sirius was frowning at him, but you couldn't tell if he was confused or angry.
You sipped the hot chocolate, humming with delight. The sweetness of it warmed you from the inside out. You sighed calmly, leaning your head back against your pillow and took another sip. Remus grinned in silent victory as you enjoyed the hot chocolate. You noticed that while Remus did have some fresh scratches, his eyes were bright and clear.
"How are you feeling?" you asked Remus, nudging him under the covers with your foot.
Remus nodded, "Better, now."
You ate your meal as your friends updated you on the day's news. Apparently, they had all gone to visit Hagrid when they discovered him checking your firewood pile for more coal mites. Hagrid had felt so terribly responsible about your injury that he had spent the last two days ministering protective treatments around your home. Sirius did a surprisingly good imitation of Hagrid's voice, as he mimicked Hagrid asking if any of them had a key to your cottage so that he could check the stove.
You ate, listened, and eventually became so comfortable from the food and good company that it was hard to keep your eyes open. Remus also looked like he was struggling to stay awake.
“Alright," he started, pushing a strand of your messy bed hair out of your face. "Get to sleep. I know I will be. C'mon Wormtail, Padfoot."
Peter smiled down to you, waving a quick goodbye before following Remus out of the hospital wing. Sirius stayed, you noticed that his jaw ticked as he watched Remus and Peter leave.
"Penny for your thoughts?" you teased, voice soft with sleepiness.
"They aren't worth that much." Sirius chuckled, smiling at you.
"No?" you asked, moving your legs so Sirius could more comfortably sit. Instead, he laid down on his side, over your feet, propping his head up with his hand.
"No, but-" Sirius frowned, looking towards the hospital entrance before continuing, "of course it was odd that you hadn't joined us for breakfast, but the real reason James and I decided to visit you was because you looked so upset when you left the party."
You had to stop yourself from expressing surprise. “Um…” you started, searching for an excuse.
"Because if Peter did something, or said something to you… I want to know."
"Peter?" you feigned confusion. This earned you a piercing glare from Sirius.
"Well that answers my question." he retorted, his voice becoming more of a growl. Sirius looked into your eyes, searching hungrily for more information, for how you felt. And then with a frustrated huff of breath Sirius turned, his face falling into the blankets. "Damn it Peter…” you heard his muffled groan.
"Sirius I… I'm alright. I don't think Peter had… bad intentions?" You started, but were cut off by a bitter laugh from Sirius.
"I know you're trying to protect him but you're actually making this worse for him." Sirius pulled his face out of the blankets to look at you once more, his smile sharp with irritation. "Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one of our friends who… remembers the First Disappointment."
"What do you mean?"
"How do I explain this? Maybe you remember being very, very young and something not going the way you wanted, or someone not acting how you would've hoped? There is who you were before that moment, and who you were after—and they are two different people. The person who didn't realize life could possibly refuse you, and the person you are after it has." Sirius shrugged then, laying his head against your shin. "I don't mean, forgetting a birthday or however, I mean the kinds of harm that make people feel like they don't know you as well as they thought. The kinds of mistakes that change who you are for them."
"What makes you say that?"
"Because I was that… I did something that hurt everyone, that put into question who I was as a friend. And knowing the damage that brings-" Sirius shook his head, rolling his eyes, "I'm never letting that happen with any of us again."
“Sirius," you cooed, gently tugging on a strand of his hair, "I don't think Merlin himself had the power to accomplish that."
"Well, I have to try." Sirius sighed, pouting. "And if Peter has done or said anything to you, I won't let whatever he's playing at continue."
"Don't worry about Peter." you assured, your voice calm and low. "He's done nothing except be socially awkward and maybe a little too keen on fire whiskey."
“Sure," Sirius mumbled pulling himself to sit up, "but I am going to look out for you.”
It was amazing what a little bit of Perle and Phosphen could do to your work. Remus' portrait gleamed with the light of a nonexistent evening sun. The moment the Perle touched Remus' painting it was as if he suddenly recognized you. His eyes softened, his half painted mouth arched upwards in a small grin.
Every shift you saw in your painting filled you with adrenaline. You had thought you would experiment with the smallest portions of pigment possible, but after seeing the immediate payoff, you were debating playing with them instead of sleeping.
You switched throughout the evening, adding layers of resin and gesso to the Fat Lady's portrait, sanding it down, and then experimenting on Remus' portrait while waiting for the resin to cure. The full moon rose high into the black autumn sky, casting its pale light over your work.
After adding another layer to the Fat Lady you turned back to Remus' portrait and jumped, startled. The portrait had changed. It almost looked as if Remus was blurred over, the pigments had separated from the mediums, as if undoing itself. A shot of panic streaked through you as you stood, quickly checking the rest of your portraits. The rest were unchanged.
Bewildered, holding Remus' portrait in your hands, your mind raced as you thought of some way to fix it.
"I hope you're beginning to have doubts,” Severus said from your doorway.
You pivoted toward him, startled. "Oh- Severus!" you gasped, setting the portrait down, you placed a steadying hand on your chest. "You surprised me! Doubts?"
Severus watched you for a long moment, dark eyes locked with yours. "Come now," he hushed, his tone teasing."Give yourself a moment before I lose confidence in you."
With heavy, slow footsteps, Snape paced slowly around your studio, taking in your work as you tried to glean a meaning from his implications.
What could possibly be Severus' goal? Doubts about what?
"Doubts about… Remus?" you guessed, hesitantly.
Snape leveled you with a heavy gaze. "You've never wondered?" he scrutinized, stepping closer to you.
You frowned up at him. After a long moment of consideration, you responded, "Severus… I know that you, Remus- that everyone hadn't been at their best in the past-"
"Not at their best?" Severus repeated slowly, cutting you off. "Not at their best?" his tone raised. He stood closer still, scowling down at you while his eyes grew wide and desperate. You braced for Snape to loose his temper, but he looked panicked. "Am I the only one who sees them for what they all are? The only person who understands that they deserve no glory? No respect? Brash, ridiculous, unchecked- how is it that Remus Lupin passes without trace? That his friends are remembered kindly? If anyone could-"
“Severus," you pleaded quietly, shaking your head.
"How much more destruction do they need to cause before anyone else realizes?" Snape stammered on, voice thin with emotion.
"Stop!" you breathed, overwhelmed. You had never seen Severus get so worked up before. You looked up into his face, wanting to reassure him that Remus was not worth his worry, while also tempering your discomfort with him appearing at your rooms this late and your realization that even after so long, Snape still held a grudge against Remus.
"Please, Severus." you sighed. "I don't understand how after so long, you still hate him so much."
"That is because you are blinded by your affection for him!" Severus retorted quickly, voice high.
"No." you forced your voice to stay low and calm. "That's not why."
"It is!" Snape hissed, pointing at Remus' portrait. "Look at it. Is this what goodness looks like to you?"
Anger flared in you. Severus must have seen your face darken as his own agitated expression broke into a glower.
"Why are coming to me about this?" you asked coolly. "If you were really concerned, why have you shown up here, at this time of night, to raise your concerns? Is it because you've already gone to people more appropriate, like McGonagall, like Dumbledore, and were dismissed? Because no one who's job it is to protect this school has heard you? What does that tell you, Snape? What do you think that says about what you see?"
Snape took a step back from you, looking at you with disgust. You held his gaze challengingly and watched as Severus struggled with his thoughts, before sharply pivoting to your door.
You did not paint through the night. After Severus left, you walked through your studio, avoiding Remus' portrait and headed for bed. It wasn't the first time you had gone to sleep with paint smudges all up your arms, it wasn't the first time you'd woken up still a little angry from the night before, but it was first time you'd woken up worried about what you would find in your studio.
You sluggishly pushed open the door that connected your bedroom to the studio and choked on your yawn. Minerva McGonagall was sitting in your room, patiently waiting for you.
"I think we'll have the first snow of the season today,” she commented brightly, "Autumn can't hold out for too much longer."
You stood there, bed hair and all. "Did we-?
"You didn't forget anything. I decided to come up to see you as a surprise,” McGonagall said with a touch of irony. Raising her eyebrows at you she gestured to a nearby chair. "Sit."
You quickly did as told, bewildered. "Minerva, this is so kind of-"
"Just listen,” she interrupted, smiling. "You've come back to Hogwarts during quite a dramatic time. I don't want you thinking I am not aware of the significance of this."
"You mean with Black?"
"With Black, with Professor Lupin, even with Professor Snape." After McGonagall invoked Severus' name, her expression fell flat. "And I am aware that you are treading some difficulties."
"No! Not more than-"
"I said listen." Minerva interrupted again. "Now, I do not know you as well, but I am privy to the fact that you are connected to the three aforementioned people. And," she continued, emphasizing each word, "… that your work may reflect elements of the sitter's personality that are private."
Your eyes glanced in the direction of Remus' portrait, wondering if it still looked as distorted as it had the night before. Tension rose in you as Minerva paused to choose her words.
"I want to assure you this is not the case. You have studied Hogwart's paintings astutely, but they hold an abundance of tricks. They have managed to keep their secrets private and your paintings will be no exception."
The two of you held each other's gaze for a long moment as Minerva smiled at you comfortingly, confidently. You slowly nodded as you began to understand all of what she was implying.
"Now I should let you leave." McGonagall stated as she rose from her seat.
"Me leave?" you asked, smiling. "Do I have somewhere to go?"
Minerva chuckled, "Don't you?”
Your fingers pushed against the wood grain of Remus' door, steeling your nerves to knock. You raised your fist, and then sighed, overwhelmed with the thought of waking him up. You cursed under your breath. "She made me feel like it would be so easy." you whispered to yourself, staring at your fist, and then the door, until you finally knocked.
You heard a curse from the other side of the door and couldn't help but smile at how panicked Remus sounded. "Yes? One moment!" he called.
Holding back laughter, you listened as Remus ripped himself away from his bed, grabbed some clothes and furiously dressed. He opened the door, face changing from a frown to a smile in the time that it took to see you. Remus breathed your name happily, "How can I help you?"
You smiled back at him, distracted momentarily by the brightness of his eyes. "I think we owe each other-" you started, trying to keep your voice from sounding shaky from adrenaline, "…we owe each other some time together."
Remus' eyes widened, a blush came to his cheeks as he searched for the right words to respond. "I would… agree." he replied carefully.
Your heart fluttered wildly. You could tell that Remus was struggling with a similar reaction. "Remus-" you started.
"Yes?" He responded so quickly he nearly interrupted you, but you didn't have anything else to say with words. Slowly, you reached your arms up, your fingers brushing against the sides of his jawline. As soon as you sensed that Remus was not rejecting your advances, you rose on to the tips of your feet and kissed him.
Remus' arms tightly encircled the small of your waist, hugging you into him as he kissed you back. You felt a rush of lightness sweep through you as your mind reeled in happiness and relief. With extreme care, Remus moved his hands to your face and closing his eyes, gently kissed the top of your head.