Chapter Text
Zagreus can’t tell exactly when it starts.
Maybe it starts that one time Zagreus was running through Elysium and had chanced upon Thanatos crouched down in front of a very, very young shade. Zagreus had not heard what Thanatos said to the shade, but he did see Thanatos raise a gentle hand up to the shade’s face to wipe away their tears before opening his arms for an embrace the young shade had all but rushed into.
Maybe it starts when he sees Megaera in the lounge talking to the shade of a woman cradling her own shade baby, the both of them eternally mother and child. Zagreus did not intrude on the moment like he usually does, and instead watches Megaera smile tenderly as the infant shade takes a hold of her finger with their tiny, wispy fingers.
Maybe it starts just a little after one of the many nights these days where he’s cuddled in between Thanatos and Megaera, warm and happy and with the love inside of him shining like molten light. Sleep finds him easily, these days, and when Zagreus sleeps, he dreams no longer of the past, but of the future. He dreams of Thanatos’ gentle demeanor, of Megaera’s strong kindness, of his own unnamed desire for something more.
He dreams of something small and beautiful and perfect.
Zagreus only figures out what exactly it is he’s thinking about a few dayornights later. He’s helping Mother in the garden, the both of them digging small holes in the ground for a few saplings set to the side, when his mind finally puts all the puzzle pieces together.
“Huh,” Zagreus says, eyes darting to the saplings for a moment before looking up to Mother. “I think I want a child?”
“Oh!” Mother’s eyes widen as her concentration breaks for a glorious smile. “Oh, Zagreus, that’s lovely! How long have you known?”
“I don’t know, actually,” Zagreus says as he takes a small sapling and places it into the soil. “I just think that it’s been in my mind for awhile. I didn’t know what it meant for some time, but now I do. It…” In his chest, there is an odd ache. He gently touches a leaf on the sapling. “...It seems terrifying and amazing, to have and love a child. I don’t know.”
“It sounds like you’re quite new to the idea,” Mother says, a bit wry.
“I suppose I am. Haven’t quite figured out the exact shape and nature of this, yet.”
“But you want it?”
“I do,” Zagreus nods, smiling a bit. If there’s one thing Zagreus is good at, it’s knowing when he wants things. “How did you and Father know that you wanted me?”
“Oh, well you were unplanned, Zagreus. Things just happened, as they do in a marriage—”
“No details please.”
“Come now, Zagreus,” Mother raises an eyebrow mischievously. “You’re grown, you musn’t be bashful about the pleasures of the flesh—”
“I’m!—” Zagreus feels his face heat up slightly. “I’m not bashful! I just don’t want to hear about you and Father like that!”
“Would you rather hear about me and Nyx then? Because she is absolutely divine—”
“I would like to hear about none of your intimate experiences!” Zagreus chokes out.
“I’m just teasing,” Mother laughs as she ruffles Zagreus’ hair. Truly, she is where Zagreus must have gotten his chaotic personality. Mother sits back on her haunches and says, “As for your question, we didn’t know we wanted a child, quite honestly. But once it was clear that I was pregnant with you well...I cannot speak for your Father, but for me, I felt it.” She places a hand to her chest. “Inside of me, there was this intense love that bloomed. It was a love that was strange and foreign, for it was a love for somebody I hadn’t met, and yet, it was strong. I knew that I loved you, that I would work hard every day to love you in the way that you deserved.”
“It sounds beautiful,” Zagreus says, a little awed at Mother’s words.
“It was,” Mother smiles, placing a hand on Zagreus’ cheek. “It still is.”
Zagreus takes a deep breath, just so that he doesn’t cry. These days, he’s so full of love that it just wants to trickle out of him as tears.
Mother pats Zagreus’ face. “Have you told Thanatos and Megaera?”
“Er,” Zagreus says. “Not yet. I only realized the nature of my thoughts roughly five minutes ago.”
“You’ll have to tell them about it.”
“I will. It’ll certainly be...interesting.”
“And very, very important,” Mother takes ahold of a sapling and places it into a hole she had dug. With careful hands, she covers the roots with soil until the sapling is safe and secure in the ground. “Take some more time to gather your thoughts about the matter, but don’t wait too long to tell your lovers that you want this. You owe it to yourself and to them. From there, you three can discuss it. Together.”
“You’re right.” Zagreus tells her. She often always is.
They spend the next few minutes in comfortable silence, digging holes and patting saplings into the ground. When they’re both finished, Zagreus brushes away the dirt from his hands and stands, helping Mother up.
“I think I’m going to go for an escape run,” Zagreus says. In his mind, thoughts and wishes and fears swirl around, a confusing mess of both desire and apprehension. “You know, to think about this whole thing some more.”
“Off you go then,” Mother shoos him away fondly. “Have fun ransacking your Father’s domain!”
Zagreus laughs as he waves goodbye to her, “You know I always do!”
-
Zagreus goes about his escape run only half focused on actually putting effort in slaying enemies. The other half of his mind is thinking about how this whole conversation would play out with Thanatos and Megaera.
How would he even start? He can’t just say “Hi, Than, Meg, I love you both very much, also I want a child.” That seems too abrupt. Not to mention that Zagreus hasn’t even thought much ahead into the logistics of such a thing. How would they go about creating a child? Meg doesn’t seem the type to want to be pregnant, and there’s her job that complicates that further and-—wait a minute, do people get maternity leave down here? He’ll have to ask about that.
Zagreus sighs as he slices through a bunch of Numbskulls. He thinks about how his two lovers would react. Than would probably teleport out of the room the moment the words are out of Zagreus’ mouth and Meg would probably grill Zagreus endlessly to see if he’s absolutely sure.
Zagreus clears the chamber of all enemies and pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s being a bit unfair, to Than and Meg right now, jumping to conclusions on their behalf. He should just tell them, like Mother said, and get through whatever comes as it comes all together. That’s the right thing to do. The good thing to do.
And yet, in Zagreus’ heart, just a flicker of fear.
He wants this. He wants this so badly, but he is afraid of what Than and Meg will think.
The hiss of a Chaos Gate opening in front of Zagreus shakes him from his thoughts. He looks at it for a moment before shrugging to himself and descending. Master Chaos’ boons help him focus on the present, and perhaps that’s what he needs right now.
“Hello, Master Chaos,” Zagreus greets as he walks across the marble of the Primordial Realm.
“Hello, Son of Hades,” Chaos says, floating in the endless black and gazing upon him. Zagreus’ repeated trips to their realm has done quite a number on improving Chaos’ niceties. Chaos tilts their head very, very slowly. “Your mind. It seems to currently be in gentle strife.”
Zagreus laughs a little at that. “That’s one way to put my mental state, I guess.”
Chaos doesn’t say anything, but instead moves closer to the little island of marble that Zagreus is standing on. Their sheer gigantic size casts a shadow over Zagreus, and while Zagreus has never felt uncomfortable with Chaos, it does take some effort not to instinctively take a step back as Chaos lowers their large face to stare at Zagreus intently.
“Er,” Zagreus says, looking into their eyes that seem to hold all of space and time inside of them. “What are you—”
“I see now,” Chaos says, their voice reverberating through Zagreus’ entire being.
Zagreus blinks. “See what?”
“I can see into your soul,” Chaos says, one of their hands slowly coming down in front of Zagreus. “Your desire shines loud and clear and I have come to the conclusion that fulfilling your wish for progeny would be...interesting to me.”
“Master Chaos, what do you mean?” Zagreus asks, but then Chaos opens their hand slowly, and in their cavernous palm, there sits—
“I am granting you a child of your own,” Chaos says, brandishing a large egg to Zagreus.
“You can’t mean—” Zagreus feels as if all the air in his lungs have been punched out of him. He reaches for the egg being shown to him, placing a palm against it. Its surface is the same shade of nothingness that surrounds the Primordial Realm, and yet, when Zagreus touches it, it is warm against his fingers. “This is—?”
“Indeed.”
“I can’t possibly—”
“It is rude to reject a gift, is it not?” Chaos pushes the egg towards Zagreus, and Zagreus takes it. The egg is the perfect size to be cradled in Zagreus’ arms.
“Apologies, Master Chaos. I don’t mean any disrespect, I just.” Zagreus looks down at the odd egg in his arms. In his mind, there are a million reasons to find a way to give this back to Chaos. But in his heart, there is a love that is strange and foreign and strong “You mean that this will—hatch? Into a child?”
Chaos nods.
Zagreus briefly wonders if Chaos knows that normal beings don’t hatch from large eggs.
“It is time for you to return to your realm now,” Chaos tells Zagreus. “I take it you do not want to return to Tartarus?”
“Not Tartarus, yes.” Zagreus’ hold ever so slightly tightens around the egg. “Not while I have this.”
“Very well,” Chaos merely blinks, and another Gate opens. “This shall take you back to the House of Hades and no harm shall befall you or your child going through it.”
“Thank you,” Zagreus walks to the Gate. He looks up at Chaos. Words seem useless to give, but that has never stopped Zagreus from giving them anyway. “Truly. Thank you so much.”
“Your gratitude and kindness never fail to fascinate me,” Chaos says. “May this child inspire more of it in you.”
And so Zagreus goes through the gate, a child to-be in his arms.
-
The “oh gods” moment only hits when Zagreus emerges from the Pool of Styx.
One by one, the realities of the situation crash into him. He is holding a sizeable egg in his arms. And this sizeable egg will hatch into a child. And he hasn’t had the necessary prerequisite conversation with Than and Meg yet.
Hm.
Fuck.
“Oh, hey Zagreus!” Hypnos floats over to where Zagreus is standing still in the Pool. “You’re here really early. What got you? The list says nothing got you? Huh! No death or anything, now that’s something I don’t see everyda—” Hypnos’ eyes trail downwards to the egg. “Whaaaaaaaat is that?”
“Uh,” Zagreus says eloquently. “Nothing?”
Hypnos opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, Zagreus dashes to his room as fast as he possibly can.
Zagreus shuts his doors behind him—and thank gods he finally asked the Contractor to build some for his chambers—and breathes a heavy sigh of relief, hugging the large egg to his chest.
“This is going to be a mess,” Zagreus says to himself. He looks down at the egg in his arms, its inky black surface betraying nothing but a gentle warmth. The warmth of the egg echoes the growing warmth in Zagreus’ own heart. He says to the egg, “It’s not your fault, though, so don’t worry. Er, if you are already capable of worry, that is.”
The egg, as eggs usually do, says nothing.
“Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable, yeah?” Zagreus heads to his bed and lays the egg against his pillows, arranging his covers so that it is swaddled in softness. He places a hand on the egg. “I bet that feels better than the Primordial Realm, huh? It’s a nice place, and all, but it did always strike me as unnervingly cold.”
The egg is silent, but against Zagreus’ palm, he feels just the faintest pulse of energy.
“Is that you, in there?” Zagreus smiles, wide and awed.
Another soft pulse.
“Oh gods, you really will hatch into a child, won’t you?” Zagreus laughs breathlessly. In his heart, just like Mother said, a strange and foreign love begins to burn, bright and warm. “I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait for everybody to meet you, for Than and Meg to—”
Zagreus’ words trail off as he feels that pang of fear in his heart.
The egg pulses with intangible energy yet again, the sensation almost feeling like concern.
“It’s alright,” Zagreus caresses the egg. “Whatever happens, the three of us will work through it. That’s what love is about.”
Zagreus takes a deep breath.
“No running away,” Zagreus says. “Everything worth something needs to be faced head on.”
The egg does not say a word, but its warmth, its life, is all the response Zagreus needs.
-
Thanatos and Megaera’s work schedules are, in simplest terms, an absolute disaster.
Thanatos, thanks to the nature of his job being Death Incarnate and all that, follows no patterns or predictable shifts of any kind. When he feels the tug of a soul nearing their time, he goes, and that’s that. He has been working together more with Hypnos and Charon these days, and that’s really helped the productivity of death and given Thanatos more off time, but overall, his hours are still erratic. Megaera, at the very least, has some semblance of a work shift, but how she and her sisters decide on those work shifts seem to be through regular arguments with devastating passive aggression or just outright aggression.
Zagreus, by virtue of his status, gets to pick his own hours, and he had asked Hypnos for help to figure out just when were the best times to do escape runs so that his breaks would coincide with his lovers. Hypnos had laid out a long scroll marked with boxes and times—a “spreadsheet” he’d proudly called it—and instructed Zagreus on the perfect schedule.
Though even with the power of the “spreadsheet”, Zagreus still has to wait through an agonizing few hours for Thanatos and Megaera to return to the House. Usually, Zagreus would be doing an escape run now, but the mere thought of leaving the egg all alone in his room crushes him. He’ll deal with the sermon from Father about his impromptu day off later. Now, he waits.
Megaera arrives first, coming through the doors. The moment she sees Zagreus idling by the doorway, she smiles.
“Hi, Zag,” She presses a quick kiss to his lips.
That never ceases to make Zagreus smile. “Hi, Meg. How was your day?”
“Boring, actually. Didn’t get to beat your ass at all today. Where were you—” Her words stop in their tracks the moment Megaera’s gaze trails over to Zagreus’ bed where, still nestled in the covers, the egg sits peacefully.
“Zag.”
“Yeah?”
“What is tha—”
Guh-dong.
Party’s all here then.
Thanatos materializes in a plume of smoke beside Megaera, waving hello to the both of them. “Hello—”
“Than,” Megaera says, still looking at the egg.
“Yes?”
Megaera tips his head to look over to Zagreus’ bed.
“Ah,” Thanatos says. He turns to Zagreus. “Are you taking up...falconry?”
“Er,” Zagreus says. “Not quite.”
“Zagreus,” Megaera walks over to the bed and places a hand on the egg before twitching her hand back. “What is this?”
“Okay, so,” Zagreus starts. “You have to promise that you won’t get mad at it. You can be mad at me, but not at the egg.”
Thanatos approaches the bed and lays a hand on the egg before gasping softly. “Zagreus, this is—”
“It’s a child,” Zagreus rips off the bandage. “Or, well, it’s going to hatch into a child. I don’t actually know when, Chaos wasn’t very detailed about the specifics, but. Yeah.”
Megaera and Thanatos are silent for a moment.
“Explain,” Megaera says.
“From the beginning,” Thanatos says.
And so Zagreus does.
He tells them about his dreams, about how he’s been having gentle night visions of blurry desire for something more. He tells them about how that desire grew over time, how intense it is, how fragile. He tells them about his conversation with Mother, about how he was going to tell them about this the moment he got his thoughts together. He tells them about Chaos and their gift to Zagreus, how he didn’t plan for this but also couldn’t say no. He tells them the full story of how he wants a child and how he was given one, but he is lacking the next chapter, for it is happening right in front of his eyes. Zagreus’ lovers, seated on his bed as he speaks, looking at him with eyes that betray anger, understanding, love, but most of all, like what Zagreus feels in his own heart, there is fear.
He tells them everything, and when he is finished, he waits for their response.
“Zag,” Megaera says, her voice wavering a bit. “I—I’m going to need some time. I need to think about this. On my own.”
“I will as well,” Thanatos says softly. “But know that I am not angry at the child. You, however...I’m still making up my mind on that.”
“That’s fair,” Zagreus nods, trying his best not to let the pain in his heart show. “You two take all the time you need.”
They both stand to leave, and Zagreus can never let them without letting them know the bright truth in his heart.
“I love you,” He says to them.
Megaera and Thanatos turn back, looking at Zagreus with gentle gazes. They both have trouble saying it back, but that’s alright. He can see it in their eyes before they turn away again and leave his room.