Work Text:
saeyoung’s pacing around his bedroom’s floor wasn’t the thing that awoke jaehee from her sleep- it was the maniacal breathing- almost panting- coming from his mouth.
saeyoung had been in a very odd mood for the last couple of weeks, and it honestly stunned jaehee too much for her to know what to do. she was nowhere near “experienced” in helping mentally ill people get through their troubles, and there was a big disconnect between her and that side of saeyoung. when he had his ptsd attacks, or showed any sign of deep depression and avoidance, jaehee couldn’t help but hide. she loved stability; a strict schedule that everyone could follow and agree upon. it was why she was so stressed and uncomfortable when jumin would randomly force her to be a part of some new project, or assign her a new position, or drop off his cat in her living room- it gave her a second level of annoyance and stress that she honestly wasn’t prepared for.
saeyoung, on the other hand, was used to instability- it’s all he’d ever known. growing up hidden from the world, constantly being ostracized and hurt by his mother, and feeling so much guilt for what he did to saeran… god, he couldn’t take much more. everything hurt just a little too much that night, and every time that he tried to close his eyes, he only saw saeran’s crying face and heard his voice, pleading for mercy. something about the memories from their childhood home resurfacing caused saeyoung to never get a good night’s sleep, but this nice, he wasn’t even going to bed apparently.
“…luciel, what are you doing awake at this hour? it’s…” jaehee finally turned to the alarm clock sitting beside their bed, her groggy voice matching the slight headache she felt. after a long day of barely sleeping, jaehee just wanted to get a good night’s rest (preferably with saeyoung next to her, softly talking her to sleep), but that was evidently not going to be the case. “…3:33 am… luci-“
“jaehee- you- y-you don’t understand- i really am bad news, you know?” saeyoung’s panting and pacing only grew with time. jaehee didn’t understand saeyoung’s mental state very well, and she sure as hell didn’t know what to do now. she reached across to their nightstand, turning on a lamp just bright enough to see saeyoung.
he was fully dressed, headphones and all. he seemed to be packing something, maybe a bag, or maybe a suitcase..? she couldn’t make it out all that well in the dark, but all that she noticed was his panicked expression alongside his eyes that looked like they were searching for any semblance of sanity.
“i’m dangerous, do you hear me? i’m ill! i’ll hurt you, i’ll hurt your emotions, and you’ll- you’re-“ saeyoung’s anxiety manifested into his nonsensical words, which jaehee quickly interrupted. she was never one to understand people speaking so frantically, and she just needed him to calm down.
“luci- LUCIEL.” this was the first time that she’d raised her voice around him. she liked to stay calm and easygoing with saeyoung, but she knew he needed a stern person to help him. “you need to calm down. what are you packing?”
“my bags. i’m leaving.” saeyoung kept his frantic motions up, though it was starting to tire him out. he was moving a bit slower, his breathing was starting to level out, but his face was still full of panic as he tried to pack. jaehee shook her head before getting out of the bed, walking to stand beside him. he was irrational right now, so she was scared of what he could do to hurt her, but she knew he’d never resort to physical violence.
“luciel, please,,, you aren’t thinking straight. you need to lay down.” saeyoung couldn’t counter that point- he was definitely thinking irrationally and he knew it. he just wanted to help jaehee somehow, and his brain told him that he could only do that by running as far away as possible. though, when he felt jaehee’s soft hand gently rubbing his shoulder blade, he couldn’t move. he froze, but jaehee didn’t.
she could tell how tense and bothered he was, so she kept trying to calm him by massaging his back lightly. it was working well, she observed, as he started to calm down his breathing, but it wasn’t all the way there.
jaehee turned saeyoung around and removed his glasses. she looked directly into his eyes, no lenses in the way, and stared as deeply as she could. it was hard to look demanding, intimidating, comforting, and loving all at once- but she did it.
“luciel, you aren’t going anywhere. even if you had somewhere to go, you’re obviously not in the headspace to drive… can you try to lay back down?” jaehee didn’t know if her pleads would aid her cause at all, but they evidently did as saeyoung took off the headphones around his neck and put them back on his bedside table.
saeyoung gulped as he finally sat down on the bed. jaehee sat beside him with a smile, though her smile was completely feigned. she was terrified to do something wrong, but she realized that she must have been doing something right when saeyoung laid his head in her lap.
she began gently playing with his hair, taking a mental note of how soft it was even though she knew he didn’t shower nearly enough. it made her happy to see him in such a peaceful state as his breath started to normalize. she could tell that he was getting more comfortable, but there was something still scary about not knowing why he was so scared only minutes ago and how he calmed down so much so quickly.
“…bad dreams suck,” saeyoung commented in a pouty tone, to which jaehee nodded.
“ah… was that what it was..?” jaehee cleared her throat before trying to talk him down. “well, it was all just that- a dream, okay? there’s nothing to be too worried about.” she started to massage his scalp, using her long and well-kept fingernails to scratch at the parts he would always complain itched. “you’re so strong, and brave,,, i don’t even know how much you’ve been through, but if i did, i’m sure i would simply think even more of you… you act as if you’re mean but after years of working for mr. han,,, i don’t think anything can hurt my feelings anymore;; hah…” she chucked to herself, but upon not hearing anything back and rather hearing light snores from her lap, she knew what that meant.
she’d have to stay up even longer. she can’t sleep sitting up, but he looked so happy on her lap,,,
oh well.