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“Clear, I’m home.”
Master’s home! Oh wait, he doesn’t like it when I call him that… I turn to the sound of that beautiful voice that I love so much and smile at Aoba-san. He’s so amazing and beautiful and…
“Clear?”
He sounds confused… was I thinking too long? Maybe he thinks I’m not home… “Welcome home Aoba-san!”
I rush into the living room of the apartment I share with Aoba-san and hug him tight, his smaller body seems to fit so perfectly against me, it was like I was made just for him.
I can hear him laughing, although it’s only on my left side since I still haven’t regained my hearing in my right ear. Tae-san says that it will probably never come back; same with my sight in my right eye… It made me a little sad at first but Aoba-san told me that it didn’t matter and that he still loved me even with the imperfections.
“So, what did you do today?” he asks me as he slowly pulls away after a kiss to my forehead (so cute! XD) and heads into the kitchen.
I have to think about that for a moment. I was so excited to see Aoba-san after being away from him all day that I kind of forgot for a moment.
I follow Aoba-san into the kitchen and then I remember. “Oh! I made you lunches for the next week to take with you to work! I remember you told me that you liked it when I made you lunch so I thought that I’d do a bunch of them for you.”
I open the refrigerator to show him the neatly stacked boxes of food taking up several shelves.
“You didn’t have to… This must have taken you all day.”
“It wasn’t a bother Aoba-san, I like making things for you.” I smile reassuringly but then my mind starts to second guess itself. What if Aoba-san was just being nice that one time? What if he didn’t really like what I made him?
I can feel my smile turn into a frown as I look down at my socked feet on the linoleum. “I understand if you don’t want to eat them Aoba-san… I’m sorry, I was just trying to make things easier for you since you work so hard every day…”
“Hey, stop that right now... “ I can feel Aoba-san’s hand on my cheek and my face immediately starts to heat up at his touch. I look up into his incredibly beautiful golden eyes and I can see his gentle smile. And it makes me smile a little too.
“What did I tell you about jumping to conclusions? I love that you took the time to make me lunch for an entire week. I just feel bad that you thought you had to do something like this for me.”
My eyes widen at his words and I can feel panic rise in my stomach. “Don’t feel bad Aoba-san! I wanted to do it! I just… I want to feel like I’m contributing somehow since I don’t work or anything like you do.”
I can see the expression coming even before it reaches Aoba-san’s face. It’s that adorable huffy look he gets when he’s frustrated. It’s usually aimed at me, and sometimes Noiz when they’re together but usually I get to see it most.
“Clear, don’t be stupid, you do a lot.” I pout and look at Aoba-san in disbelief before moving to the sink to start preparations for dinner.
“Come on, stop looking like a kicked puppy, I don’t want you moping around all night… Clear! Are you listening?”
I hear Aoba-san’s voice get closer to me as he talks and then I feel him next to me, his hand reaching over to turn off the water I had running as it filled up a large pot.
I look over at him and plaster on a smile. I know how it’s supposed to look so I don’t think Aoba-san can see it’s fake. “I’m sorry Aoba-san, I know I’m just being silly.”
His smile is back and I feel relief flood through me. I’m glad that worked. I hate lying to Aoba-san or giving him fake smiles, but sometimes what I feel can’t just go away because Aoba-san wishes them to.
I continue to prepare dinner and glance out of the corner of my good eye to watch Aoba-san leave the kitchen with a can of soda in hand. Once I’m sure he’s out of the room, I let the smile drop and look down into the water that sat in the pot. Why do I feel sad? Aoba-san was right, I do a lot of things when he’s at work. I clean the apartment, I go grocery shopping, I make Aoba-san his meals… I shouldn’t feel as if I’m inadequate… but I do.
I feel a tightness in my chest and throat and I’m not quite sure what it is. I’ve never felt it before and then there’s wetness on my face. Did I splash water on myself? I reach up and brush the wetness off my face and realize immediately what it is. I don’t cry often so when I do it’s a bit of a shock and I kind of forget what it had felt like the last time it happened… But I don’t understand…
I don’t like how it’s making me feel so I make myself stop and focus on what I’m doing once more.
After I have dinner prepared, I walk into the living room and spot Aoba-san on the couch playing some kind of video game with Noiz; when had he come in? I didn’t even hear a knock.
“Aoba-can…” I stop at the sound of my voice. It’s a bit raspier than usual and it startles me for a second. I recover quickly though and it seems like Aoba-san didn’t notice. “Dinner’s ready. Noiz-san can join us too.”
I see Noiz give me a questioning glance as he turns to look at me. Does he know? He is far more perceptive than Aoba-san is so there is a possibility he can tell that my smile is fake again.
“Thanks Clear, Noiz are you staying?”
Noiz shakes his head and stands up, putting the game controller down on the couch. “Nah, I have to go meet up with my team. There’s talk about Rhyme coming back.”
“Alright, see you tomorrow then?”
“Yeah.”
I watch Noiz leave and also notice the look he gives Aoba-san and it makes me want to… I don’t know what it makes me want to do but I know how he’s looking at Aoba-san… my Aoba-san.
“Clear… what’s wrong?”
I jump slightly as I hear Aoba-san right next to me and I look at him but I can’t seem to put up my smile. Maybe I should ask him if… No, I trust Aoba-san, he wouldn’t do that to me. He told me he loved me. People who love each other don’t do things like that. But…
“Aoba-san… do you and Noiz have sex?”
I can see the redness rise to Aoba-san’s cheeks but I know it’s from embarrassment and not guilt and I let out a breath that I wasn’t aware I had been holding in.
“What!? Clear… what kind of a question is that? No… of course not!”
“Oh… well, I thought maybe… because of the way he looked at you when he left.” I look down at the floor again as I speak. I wonder why I do that? Am I afraid of what I might see in Aoba-san’s face if I look at him?
“What look? He doesn’t give me a ‘look’.”
Oblivious as always… “But he does Aoba-san… like he wants to eat you or something…”
“Eat me?” Aoba-san huffs again and then suddenly I’m in his arms, my head resting on his shoulder. I have to lean down a bit to do this because I’m taller than him but I don’t mind. I like being this close to him.
“Don’t be stupid… Even if he did want me… I wouldn’t take him up on it. I love you Clear… I want to be with you… not Noiz.”
I can feel his hand on my back, rubbing comforting circles over the white button down shirt I’m wearing. His other hand it in my hair and I suddenly feel the tightness again and the wetness on my cheeks, a small whimper escaping without my say so.
“Clear…” Aoba-san pulls back a little to look at me and his face is full of worry as he reached out to wipe a trail of tears with his thumb. “You’re… crying…”
“I’m sorry Aob-san… I don’t mean to. I just… I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” His voice is so soft and soothing. I love hearing him, it’s almost enough to make me forget my pain. I think this is pain at least… Aoba-san described emotional pain to me once and this is very similar to what he told me.
I hesitate to answer, not knowing how to form my feelings into words. It’s strange to have these feelings. I’ve never felt them so strongly before I met Aoba-san and now they are running rampant through me.
“Of losing you… I think… of you leaving me alone.” I can feel my tears falling harder, my nose becoming stuffy. It was getting more difficult to breath so I decided to start breathing through my mouth.
Aoba-san’s hands are on my face, cupping my cheeks and looking at me, his eyes staring right into mine. It reminds me of when I showed him my face for the first time. He’s looking at me the same way as he did then…
“You know… I’m a little hurt that you doubt my feelings for you Clear. You know perfectly well that I love you and only you. Didn’t I just say that a couple minutes ago?”
I nod but don’t say anything, wanting to make sure Aoba-san has nothing else to say first.
“Don’t be scared Clear… I promise I would never leave you if I can help it. I love everything about you and everything you do for me… even if it’s a little excessive sometimes… But that’s what makes it better… that’s what makes you my precious Clear.”
I can’t hold myself back anymore, I rush forward and press my lips against his, my arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders as I kiss him as if it were the last time I had the chance to do so.
I think I took Aoba-san by surprise as I hear a small yelp from him when I hug him. I feel my sadness melting away and all there is is Aoba-san… my precious Master.