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It was loud, very loud. The Chateau had been decorated earlier by John B and Kiara, Christmas lights were strung across the ceiling, streamers hung from random spots on the wall, and a DIY photo booth in the corner that was hastily thrown together after Sarah had convinced them that it looked more like a Christmas party than anything else, the rest of the group laughing as John B and Kie rushed to find anything that looked remotely like a photo booth prop.
The loud party music rings through JJ’s ears as he makes his way to the drink table. Almost everyone he knew on The Cut surrounded him, dancing along and talking amongst themselves. John B was monitoring food, making sure that no refills were necessary yet. Sarah and Kie were slow dancing in the middle of the room despite the current song having a fast pop tune. Pope had to step out for a few minutes, something about his dad not actually knowing he was spending New Year’s Eve with the Pogues.
JJ pours more of Kie’s famous punch into his red plastic cup and smiles, watching John B grab one of the many confetti poppers that were laying around the house and make his way to the front door, sliding off to the side.
Usually, JJ would at least attempt to warn Pope, but he decides against it and lets John B have his fun.
Pope can be seen hanging up the phone and stuffing it in his back pocket before pushing the front door open. It doesn’t take long before…
Pop!
“What the fuck?!” Pope jumps higher than he would care to admit, almost swatting John B, who is now doubled over in laughter, in the process. “Why dude? Just… why?” Pope catches his breath.
“It’s payback on behalf of Mr. Heyward. You shouldn’t lie to your parents, kiddo.”
“Oh shut up, dude,” Pope brushes him off playfully, his eyes now meeting JJ’s, who has the biggest smile on his face.
JJ can feel his face heating up as Pope walks towards him and assumes it must be the alcohol hitting him surprisingly early.
“You asshole. You could have warned me, you know?” Pope pushes him lightly, proceeds to grab himself a plastic cup, and moves closer to JJ to reach the punch bowl, not noticing how intently his friend is watching his every move.
“Yeah, I guess, but what would be the fun in that?”
By the time Pope turns to face his best friend again, JJ shakes himself out of whatever trance he was in, watching as John B attempts to dance in between Sarah and Kie. The two boys stand there for a bit, just taking small sips of their drinks and laughing at their friends every now and then.
“Oh, I didn’t even ask,” JJ glances over at Pope, “Are you good to stay the night? Like is your dad making you go home after midnight?” He doesn't mean for his words to be filled with worry, but they are. The alcohol, probably.
“He didn’t sound very happy with me but yeah, he’s cool with me staying.”
JJ nods his head, returning his glance to the dance floor. He can feel Pope looking at him, but he doesn’t dare look back. He simply can’t bring himself to meet his friend’s eyes right now.
“JJ?”
“Hm?”
Pope laughs loudly, “How out of it are you, dude? There’s still a few hours till midnight.”
JJ furrows his eyebrows, confusion in his voice, “What? I’m fine!”
“I just spoke a full sentence to you and you didn’t move a muscle,” he continues to giggle.
“What? No, you didn’t! What’d you say?” JJ fully faces him now.
“Never mind, not important,” Pope waves him off, finally calming down from his laughing fit, “Hey, I’ll be right back. I see one of those confetti things over there, I’m gonna try and get John B back.”
Pope is rushing off before JJ can say anything else. He can feel that his face is hot again. Should he not be drinking? No, it was New Year’s Eve, it was kind of an obligation to get wasted, right?
A small smile forms on JJ’s face as he watches Pope move slowly from corner to corner, eventually succeeding in sneaking behind John B and launching the confetti onto him. JJ observes the teen carefully, taking more notice of him than usual. He takes note of the way Pope holds his stomach when he laughs, the way his facial expression turns from joyful and entertained to naive and innocent when John B mentions the beginning of a war, the way his eyebrows furrow and eyes squint when Kiara advises him to watch out.
JJ sucks in a breath when Sarah accidentally bumps into him, not quite knowing how long he had been staring.
“You alright there, Maybank? It looks like you’ve been sucker-punched,” she giggles before mixing herself a drink.
“I’m good, just a little tipsy, I guess.” Had she seen him? Does she know he’s lying right now? No, no. He’ll be okay. It’s not like he was completely lying, anyway. He was a little tipsy… Right? Yeah. Yeah.
“That’s your first drink… Is it not?” She smiles sheepishly at the blond.
Never mind.
Again, his face turns a light shade of red and her smile grows. “Shut up, Cameron.”
“You don’t have to be embarrassed, I get it. I won’t say anything.”
JJ decides to stay silent. Sarah finishes making her drink, taking another look at the flushed boy in front of her and the boy he seemed to be so intrigued with.
“You should talk to him about it. Or just… see what it is. You never know,” Sarah gives her friend one last grin, shoots him a singular finger gun, and shimmies her way back to the dance floor where she re-attaches herself to Kiara’s hip, planting a kiss on her lips.
JJ doesn’t want to think about what she said. He can’t. He was just a little buzzed and needed a breather, that was it. So he swiftly elbows his way to the bathroom, which is thankfully empty; and locks the door behind him.
Leaning on the sink, he looks at himself in the mirror, seeing his natural reflection staring back at him. No blurred vision, no darkened eyes, no sign he was actually intoxicated. He splashes himself with some cold water.
Perhaps he was just sleepy. Maybe a little stressed. There might even be a chance he was getting claustrophobic (though that had never been an issue for him before). There had to be some kind of explanation because he couldn’t… He couldn’t be developing feelings for Pope. Right? Right. That was his best friend out there, and doing anything at all to potentially mess things up would truly be the most idiotic thing he’s ever done, and he’s done a lot of idiotic things. So no, Sarah, he wasn’t going to ‘see what it is,’ because it was nothing, it didn’t exist, and it was not going to ruin a long-lasting friendship.
JJ splashes himself with water one last time, forcing his mind to blame his actions on a variety of reasons. He was tired from not getting enough sleep over the Christmas break, and school would be starting back up again soon, so he had been stressed out. Yeah, that was it. It had to be.
When the blond finally convinces himself that things were going to be okay, he unlocks the door and heads out towards the main area. Except Pope is headed straight for him , and JJ freezes.
“Hey, everything alright? I couldn’t find you and someone said they saw you make a B-line for the bathroom.”
“I’m good, just felt a little sick for a second,’ he shoots Pope a weak thumbs-up and it’s clear that Pope isn’t convinced, but JJ is thankful when he doesn’t push it any further.
“Okay… Well, let’s get back out there. You’re my backup. I think Kie and John B are planning some great final attack,” he casually grabs JJ’s hand and pulls him onto the dance floor.
And oh fuck, JJ can’t breathe. The music is ringing in his ears and all he can see clearly is Pope’s fingers interlocked with his. He coughs slightly, watching Pope as he carelessly dances along with the crowd, their hands still loosely attached.
JJ clears his throat, “Shouldn’t we be on the lookout or something?” He shouts over the music.
“It’s a distraction, Maybank. Make it look like we don’t know what they’re planning,” he shouts back, shooting the boy a wink.
You’re stressed. You’re tired. That’s it, JJ.
Somehow JJ makes it through the next hour and a bit. He manages to survive by taking several breaks in between dances, saying he needed to get some fresh air or wanted a snack. He never says he wants a drink, though. That was the last thing he wanted. Well, one of the last things. There are times where Pope decides to come with him, those breaks are the fastest.
There hasn’t been any attack either, and with fewer than 10 minutes until midnight, both JJ and Pope are starting to think the other two teens are bluffing. It isn’t until JJ decides he’s going to take one last snack break that things go awry.
“Be right back!” He shouts.
Pope just nods happily.
JJ turns his back, and then…
Kiara is shouting so loud that anyone at the party could hear it, even over the music. John B lets out a deep roar. JJ spins around and can only watch as Kie sprays canned silly string all over Pope, and John B sets off several different confetti poppers. They retreat before Pope or JJ can even attempt revenge, making the final move in this short-lived war.
JJ looks at Pope, and Pope looks at JJ, and they both explode with laughter.
“You left me defenceless!”
“I wanted some pigs in a blanket!” It’s honestly the most relaxed JJ has felt all night.
Until Pope says, “Since this is basically your fault, you have to help me clean up. Come on,” and takes ahold of the other boy’s hand once again, dragging him off to JJ’s designated room before any protests can be made.
Pope closes the bedroom door behind them and shuffles over to the mirror to begin picking the silly string off his clothes as JJ watches from the end of the bed.
“This stuff reeks,” Pope says lowly, a goofy smile plastered on his face.
“Did you really need me here for this?” JJ isn’t trying to sound rude, but this truly was the worst possible scenario for him right now.
Pope sighs wearily and watches JJ in the reflection of the mirror as he swings his feet back and forth. He continues brushing confetti off his shoulders.
“Okay, seriously man, what is up with you tonight?” He turns to look JJ in the eye now, “I feel like you’re mad at me or something. Like you want me to leave you alone.”
“What? No, I’m not mad at you. I don’t want you to leave, I promise,” JJ’s voice is accidentally laced with panic and guilt.
“Then what is it? Because since I got here you’ve been acting like a different person. Is it something at home? You can talk to me about that stuff, JJ. You can talk to me about anything,” Pope moves to sit beside JJ, crossing his legs.
JJ looks at him properly for the first time since the party started. He really looks at him. And suddenly it hits him. Tonight wasn’t about the alcohol hitting him early, it wasn’t about sleep or school, it was about him and Pope, and the way he felt about him.
Shit.
As much as JJ has spent tonight denying everything, the truth is inevitable. He has feelings for his best friend.
“I don’t know, man. I mean, I do know, but I don’t know how to talk about it, especially with you, especially right now,” he mumbles softly.
Pope furrows his eyebrows slightly. “What does that mean?”
“It means- Fuck, I don’t know.” He’s getting frustrated now. Not with Pope, but with himself. He’s upset that he’s gone and done the stupidest possible thing he could’ve done. If he decided not to find a way out of this, if he decided to give in and let himself feel what he felt, was there any coming back from that? Was there any coming back from the likely possibility that Pope didn’t feel the same way? JJ clenches his fists up in anger, his eyes squeezing shut. Decision making was never his specialty.
“Hey,” Pope reaches for his hands, attempting to calm him down.
“Don’t.” JJ pulls his hands away, eyes opening to see Pope looking back at him, more worried than he’s ever seen him before. "I'm sorry."
Something suddenly distracts JJ from the intense situation at hand. A single piece of neon green confetti is hiding in Pope’s hair, and JJ can’t help but laugh.
Pope smiles, glad to see JJ loosen up, even for a second.
“What?”
“You missed a piece of confetti,” JJ giggles.
“Seriously? I’m going to kill Kie. Can you get it?”
“Yeah, just sit still.”
JJ moves closer to Pope, closer than they had been all night. Closer than when they were dancing together and Pope casually grabbed onto JJ’s hips, trying to get him to join in. He carefully lifts the confetti from Pope’s hair and casually tosses it onto the floor. He smiles slightly, satisfied with his work. It isn’t until he remembers where he is that he takes notice of the way Pope is looking at his lips.
JJ clears his throat, watching Pope’s eyes move back up to meet his own. He feels a slight strike of hope in his chest. Perhaps things would go better than he thought.
Although the bedroom door was closed, it was hard not to acknowledge the sound of the guests getting noticeably louder outside. Neither Pope nor JJ looks away from the other.
“You know earlier tonight… when I said something that you didn’t hear?” Pope’s voice has changed. It’s deeper, calmer. He tests the waters by slowly interlocking his pinky finger with JJ’s.
All JJ can do is nod silently, scared of moving too much and ruining whatever it was that was happening right now.
“I said that- I told you that you looked really good tonight.”
“What?” JJ tries to control his breathing.
“JJ, be honest with me.”
This isn’t happening.
“Tell me this isn’t all happening in my head, JJ. Tell me I’m not making this whole thing up. Tell me I haven’t been imagining things for the past few months, that there’s something more behind the way we look at each other across the room.”
He is going to pass out.
“Tonight, JJ, holding my hand, dancing with me. Did you not feel anything?”
10.
The guests can be heard outside starting the 10-second countdown for the new year to begin.
“I-”
9.
Pope searches for some sign of emotion in JJ’s eyes. Some kind of implication that he wasn’t crazy for wanting more with the flustered boy sitting in front of him.
8.
JJ sighs, his eyes closing softly. He needs to catch his breath and think.
7.
This was happening right now. He had spent the entire night obsessing over the thought of having feelings for his best friend. Maybe longer. Maybe he had spent months knowing, but always ignoring the fact that they had something the rest of the group didn’t. Perhaps the nights JJ spent lying awake at night happened for a reason.
6.
Small memories rush through JJ’s head. All the times he wanted to show Pope a song that reminded him of them, but backing out when he realized it was a love song. All the mornings they spent together by the beach watching the sunrise. The countless times JJ hit his head sneaking through Pope’s bedroom window to escape the pain of his own house. The moments where they would make up goofy dances to random songs while Pope made them breakfast. The few nights Pope would sneak into JJ's bedroom after a nightmare.
5.
These feelings for Pope weren’t new, they had been there all along. They had been hidden in the memories they shared as friends.
4.
JJ’s eyes flutter back open. Pope is still watching him closely.
3.
He reaches for Pope. He holds Pope’s head in his hands.
2.
“It isn’t all happening in your head,” he mutters.
1.
Not waiting another second, JJ closes the small gap between the two of them.
Happy New Year!
The sounds of cheering and party poppers can be heard behind the door as Pope’s hand finds its way to JJ’s hair, his other resting on JJ’s knee. They move together in sync, almost as if their sole purpose for being in the world was to be here, sitting on JJ’s messy and unmade bed, melting into each other.
JJ is the first one to pull away, needing to take a moment to fully process the fact that he just made out with his best friend. Pope continues to cover JJ’s face in small and delicate kisses, eventually placing a final kiss below his ear and moving back to look at JJ.
“You’re amazing,” is all JJ can get out before he attaches his lips to Pope’s again for a brief moment. “I’m never going to get tired of doing that,” he says softly, his forehead resting against Pope’s, eyes shut.
“And I’m never going to get tired of you doing that,” Pope smiles.
JJ can’t help but press one last kiss to Pope’s lips, taking more time with this one than before. He can feel Pope smiling and he pulls JJ closer onto his lap, JJ easily latching onto him as if they’ve done this a thousand times before. This time it’s JJ’s turn to pull away and pepper smaller kisses all over Pope’s face and neck. He leans in for one last kiss and then separates from the other boy.
They spend the next few seconds looking at each other peacefully, stars in their eyes, heads still slightly spinning, cheeks in pain from smiling for too long.
“Oh, Happy New Year, by the way. I guess we kind of missed out on the rest of the party,” Pope laughs nervously.
“Definitely worth it,” JJ looks at him with more love than he’s ever felt before.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Happy New Year, Pope.”