Chapter Text
Quite honestly, Beomgyu was tired of online classes.
At first, he tried to see a silver lining to this situation. At least, he didn’t have to wake up at the crack of down to go to school. Since he had classes at 8AM, he could wake up at 7:55PM and he would still be available to listen to his teachers’ monotonous voices.
And although his body thanked him every day for allowing it to have forty-five more minutes to sleep, sometimes it still felt like it wasn’t worth it. First of all, his teachers insisted that they turned on their cameras and that’s just very annoying in itself. Nobody liked to show their half-asleep face of despair each morning. Plus, somehow, they always asked for him specifically to turn it on, letting some students off the hook.
Maybe it was because of his brother.
As soon as his teachers found out that he was Choi Yeonjun’s little brother, they just had to put a face on the name. Since he started his senior year and that his brother left for college, it was like his teachers were all evaluating if perfection ran in the family or if it was just a Yeonjun thing. Two months had passed since back to school and Beomgyu was surprised that they hadn’t caught on the fact that it was indeed a Yeonjun thing.
No, Beomgyu wasn’t perfect. He was himself. And it took quite some time and self-convincing to realize that it was just fine this way.
Some had more trouble dealing with it, though.
“Choi Beomgyu? I asked you a question.”
Ah, yes. He was cursing online classes internally for a reason.
History class.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Kim,” he said to his screen. His teacher was staring at him sternly. The gallery mode of his zoom session showcased his classmates sporting varying degrees of tiredness and boredom on their faces and quite frankly, Beomgyu understood them.
“Your mic is off, Beomgyu.”
Right.
He clicked on the little mic icon and cleared his throat, “I was apologizing for zoning out. I’m sorry, but I don’t know the answer.” He said politely, his voice cracking from misuse. He hadn’t spoken since the night before, when he was on a call with his best friend Soobin.
His teacher shook his head slightly, “I know times are difficult right now, but I expect you to be focused and responsive like you would be if we were face to face.” He lectured quietly and Beomgyu could just nod apologetically because even if online classes were annoying Mr. Kim had been nothing but patient with Beomgyu and his class since the beginning of the semester, even when his classes are on Monday morning and everyone is half-dead from the load of homework they all cram for the night before.
“Anyways, you’ll see the answer fast enough, because we’re going to study this topic in depth starting from today.” Mr. Kim added, and Beomgyu muted his mic on instinct while his teacher continued “Speaking of such, I decided that I was going to change the format of the class while we treat of this subject.”
That caught Beomgyu’s attention.
“I’ve been monitoring what you guys were receptive to since the beginning of the school year. I know that online classes aren’t the best way to focus, and you being in senior year doesn’t help one bit, with the workload you hold. You barely have time to interact with your classmates, from what I’ve heard.”
Beomgyu raised a single eyebrow. It was true that he never really had been able to entirely focus on this new format of class. The simple fact that his teacher had noticed it and wanted to do something a about it was already a huge change compared to his other teachers who just didn’t seem to care.
“That’s why for the next month, you’ll work on this topic in groups.”
The whole class collectively groaned. Well, at least those who had their mics on. You could see the groaning faces on the ones who were muted though.
“I know, I know. It sounds bad now.” Mr. Kim chuckled, “But that’s only because you didn’t take the time to get to know your classmates. This exercise can be great to help you bond and I also know for a fact that having you work alone on history topics makes you retain information better than me just drawling over it for three hours straight.”
In theory, Mr. Kim wasn’t wrong. After all, all of his friends were spread in the three other senior classes. It was like the school direction had planned ahead to separate them all and Beomgyu was a little bitter over it, that he could admit. Maybe that’s why he made little to no efforts to interact with his classmates since the beginning of the year. He would just facetime Soobin during the lunch breaks and after “school” and text Jeongin and Chenle almost all day long. It was annoying not to see them as often, but at least he held contact with them almost every day. It wasn’t ideal but it worked. He didn’t need more.
Mr. Kim seemed to think otherwise, though.
“You’ll see that this experience will be better than our normal classes.” His teacher smiled and Beomgyu huffed quietly.
The class proceeded as his history teacher explained what they were to do and answered some questions that were asked on the zoom’s chat.
It went on for thirty more minutes then it was time for a small break, since the class was three hours long. It barely felt like a break since he was still in his room in front of his computer whilst waiting for the class to resume, but Beomgyu decided to text Soobin in the meantime since the older was most likely on his break as well.
To: Sooobs
Yoooo
My History teacher decided to do some group works from now on lol
I don’t know how to feel about it tbh
Beomgyu sat up from his desk chair to go watch himself in the mirror. He winced at the reflection. As expected, he looked tired and his dirty blond moss of hair was a mess. He took the beanie that was resting on haphazardly on his bedroom floor. He looked a little better after that, but nothing could fix his eye bags. Oh well.
He walked at the other end of the room to get some water from the bottle stash he kept in his mini fridge. His brother had bought it for his 18th birthday and Beomgyu still remembered how tight he had hugged him as a huge thanks.
His phone buzzed few seconds after retrieving the cold water bottle from the shelf.
From: Sooobs hyung
Lmao
Good luck
Those are the worst
To: Sooobs hyung
How so?
Should I even believe you? You are one dramatic fella Soobin-ssi
From: Sooobs hyung
Hey!
Im a normal fellow*, mind you!
What I meant is that I had group works in econ class
THE WORST EXPERIENCE EVER
We just didn’t agree on most stuff, we had different views and obvi you had your slackers that just didn’t do shit
It was quite frustrating
Glad it’s over now lmao
How many are you in your group?
Beomgyu gulped as he answered his best friend.
To: Sooobs hyung
We’re supposed to be three per groups
And great... I’m freaked now
Ugh… I hate history
From: Sooobs hyung
Sucks to be you lmao
And Hey! You have Kim Seokjin-ssi as your teacher!
He’s dreamy~
Don’t you dare complain of this class! I have Mr. Min…
To: Sooobs hyung
Mr. Min is kinda cute too though
From: Sooobs hyung
I mean
Yes obvi
But idk, he’s so demanding but will have the straightest and sternest expression while doing it
It’s unsettling sometimes bro
Beomgyu chuckled at his best friend’s words. Then he heard shuffling from his computer. The break was already over, he sighed internally.
To: Sooobs hyung
All you do is complaining hyung lol
Class is starting again though
Ttyl boo
From: Sooobs hyung
Eww don’t call me boo
(ttyl babe)
Beomgyu smiled and locked his phone before turning back to his computer and turning on his camera per his teacher’s request.
Mr. Kim clapped and said, “Alright everyone, I’m going to break out in the groups I assigned you to. Since you’re 32 in this class, there will be ten groups of 3 and a single group in pair. The pair will have a topic a little less complicated, but I still expect all of you to do your best and be thorough in your research and analysis.” He warned them and some people nodded other just wrote “yes” in the chat box. “I already sent you an e-mail with your group members and the aspects of the topic you’ll be studying on.” Just as he said that Beomgyu’s phone buzzed signaling him that he had received said email. “You’ll be in the group room until the end of the session, so I expect you to be serious and disconnect only once the class will be finished. I’ll know if you exited the session before.” Mr. Kim said pointedly and Beomgyu wondered how often students must have done that to make him so careful.
Oh, well. He didn’t plan to do it anyways. Mr. Kim answered a question that was posted on the chat and Beomgyu used that small moment of distraction to check the e-mail. Once he had his Gmail app opened, he clicked on the most recent n and then clicked on the pdf file that presented a table with the names and the topics.
Topic: The Joseon Dynasty: the history and legend of Yi Songgye.
Group 11: Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun.
Beomgyu sighed in relief. His topic was okay, he had already read a little about Yi Songgye few months ago because his mother liked to collect History books since she was young and Beomgyu had been bored.
The name Kang Taehyun didn’t ring any bell, which was weird. Because for all the lack of socializing he (hadn’t) experienced with his classmates, enough time had passed for him to at least know their names. All of his teachers tried to make them participate, too. So how was it possible he hadn’t heard of this Kang Taehyun?
His teacher cut his thoughts short, “Alright everyone, I’m breaking you in your groups. If you have any question, just message me on the chat box and I’ll come in your session.”
Then, his teacher’s pretty face disappeared, and he was automatically redirected to his online group room.
Few seconds later he was blinking at a black screen that had the “KT” initials written in bold.
Beomgyu shuffled a little on his desk chair, a little uneasy for some reason.
“Hi, I’m Choi Beomgyu.” He said with a small smile.
He was answered with silence, the initials on the black screen still mocking him.
“Huh…” he started again, “Can you hear me?”
No answer again. He frowned at the silence this time.
He checked at the top of his computer and saw that his camera was on; his eyes shifted at the corner left and saw that his mic was off, though. Ah.
He switched it on and tried again, “Hello?”
“… Hello.” A voice suddenly said quietly. It was quite soft and had a lilt. Beomgyu’s ears perked at the sound.
“I’m Choi Beomgyu.” He introduced himself again for good measure.
“… Yeah, I know.” The voice – Taehyun- said quietly again. It was weirdly soothing, that voice.
“Oh?” Beomgyu let out in question.
“Yeah... It’s written at the top of the screen.”
Oh. Of course, it was. Beomgyu felt a little dumb.
“Besides. We’re in the same class.” Taehyun added and if Beomgyu wasn’t mistaking there was some mirth at the edge of his words.
“Yeah… It’s weird but I feel like I’ve never seen you before.” Beomgyu admitted despite himself because damn. It was so odd he had never heard of this classmate of him, “It might be just me not paying attention though.”
“My camera is always off. So maybe that’s why you’ve never seen me.”
Beomgyu smiled a little at the teasing answer. “That’s not what I meant, though—”
The smallest chuckle interrupted him and Beomgyu’s smile broadened a little because it was quite a nice chuckle.
“I know, I’m just teasing. I’m actually new in the class. I got here three weeks ago. I think some teachers said that you were sick during that week? So maybe that’s why you didn’t see them introduce me.” Taehyun explained softly, and oh. It made so much more sense. Taehyun had gotten there during Hades’ week.
Hades’ week is what Beomgyu had called the week he was bed ridden because of how sick he was. He had high fever and was coughing like a fifty-year-old smoker. His stomach could barely handle any type of food that wasn’t soup and water and his chest hurt so much that it felt like the Greek God of the underworld Hades was permanently sitting on it. His mother had given him that image to measure the pain and the name had just stuck with his family after that.
After he came back to class, his teacher had welcomed him warmly, but he was still a little sick, so maybe that’s why he hadn’t paid attention to the new addition to their class.
“Yeah, that week was horrible. I was super sick.” He winced at the memory of him barely being able to breath without is chest burning “Sorry, I wasn’t there to welcome you.” He said jokingly, “How are things so far? Where were you before?”
“It’s okay. And I moved from Seoul, I guess you can hear it in my accent.” Taehyun answered softly and it was true that his accent was quite distinctive, but Beomgyu barely paid attention to accents anymore. He was from Daegu after all, nothing could top off his accent - that he had to get rid off because of how much has getting teased in middle school.
“Oh, that’s nice!” Beomgyu said back cheerily, “Wasn’t it too hard to move in the middle of the year like that though?” he asked casually, as though it could be a loaded question. Lord knew how hard it had been for him when his family moved from Daegu when he was 10 years old. Eight years had passed, and he still missed it dearly.
“It was quite surprising because I only had a two-week notice… But I’ll get used to it, I guess.” Taehyun answered and as predicted his voice held more than what the casual words indicated. That upset Beomgyu more than what he had anticipated.
“Well, if you need someone to help you, I’m always available. If you haven’t notice, I’m the teacher’s default dumpster student.”
Taehyun snorted and Beomgyu wondered what he looked like, “Dumpster student? What’s that?”
“It means that they just dump everything on me. A little like a class president without the benefits. Instead of being a teacher’s pet, I’m their garbage disposal. That’s why I must absolutely have my camera on when other students are not as pressured to do it.” He sighed, “It was like that last year but it’s even worse this year. Probably because my brother was collectively their favorite student, so they transferred that on me.”
“I see,” Taehyun chuckled and once again, it’s like you tingled a carillon. It was almost melodious. “I did hear about your brother.”
“Who didn’t at this point, to be honest.” Beomgyu joked but looked away. It was fine.
It was fine. People adored his brother, and rightfully so. Nobody loved his brother more than he did, after all.
Still, he changed the subject, “My point still stands, though. If you need anything, or if you want to hang out,” he pulled out his phone, “just text me – Let me give you my number, actually.”
He was met with silence and that made him falter in his action. Maybe he was coming off too strong? Honestly, he was fine with not socializing with his classmates, mostly because he knew that they had their own friends. That being said, having Taehyun, who was new, alone didn’t sound appealing to him. He wasn’t fond of unnecessary acquaintances, but he wasn’t an asshole either.
That being said, he didn’t want to make the other uncomfortable.
He was about to backtrack in his words before Taehyun talked, “Yeah, sure. We’ll have to talk about our history project anyways.”
Ah yes. The history project that they were supposed to work on, right now.
Beomgyu nodded in response and proceeded to share his phone number and kakao talk ID. Taehyun did the same right after.
“Alright. Now that this is done, we can talk about what we’re going to do for the project. We have time but I saw that the teacher still expects us to do a 15-page report and a 10-minute video on the topic.”
“What?!” Beomgyu exclaimed. When had Mr. Kim talked about that. What was he doing at that moment?
“Yeah, it’s quite a lot. So maybe we should program meetings once or twice a week just to make sure we advance. Especially because we’re only two.”
Beomgyu nodded hastily in response, his beanie on his head falling off in the process. He squealed as he saw his horrible nest of a hair in the small window that sowed how he looked on the zoom session. He quickly grabbed the beanie and put haphazardly put it on.
He heard another melodious chuckle fill into the room, the “KT” changing color to indicate that it came from Taehyun.
Beomgyu had decided at this moment that, as he had thought, Soobin was one drama queen.
Group works weren’t that bad.
✜ ✜ ✜
“So I was thinking,” Soobin started, from his bed where he was working on his math homework while munching some milk bread that Beomgyu had bought.
“That’s never good.” Beomgyu muttered under his mask and Soobin threw him his eraser in retaliation.
After his last class he had decided that he didn’t want to stay at home, so he just went to his second home, a.k.a, Soobin’s. He dropped by the local bakery to buy some treats as a bribe, because he knew that Soobin wouldn’t let him in without something to eat.
“Shut up, you brat,” Soobin hissed, “You never respect me as your hyung.”
“Okay. First of all we were only born three months apart. Second of all, I’ll show you respect when you start showing me that I can actually respect you as a hyung.”
Soobin only tsked at him and Beomgyu removed his mask to eat a piece of bread in silent victory.
“I was saying,” Soobin said pointedly, changing the subject, “That I was wondering what this Taehyun guy looked like. He’s not on any SNS.”
“You already looked him up on social medias? When did you even have the time to do that?” Beomgyu huffed in disbelief at his best friend who was now eating his bread sheepishly, completely forgetting about his homework. To be fair, Beomgyu had brought his homework but he knew that not a lot was going to get done, as usual when he was with his best friend.
“I was bored in chem class, but that’s beside the point. What teenager doesn’t have any social media, nowadays?” Soobin said, mouthful of bread and Beomgyu smiled fondly at how much he looked like a bunny. He wasn’t going to say anything though, he didn’t need to have Soobin’s ego growing bigger than it already was.
“I don’t know Soosoob, maybe you didn’t look enough.” He shrugged.
“Bitch please. If I’m good at one thing, it’s tracking people’s social medias. That Kang Taehyun, though. Nothing. It’s kind of weird if you ask me.”
“Nobody asked though.”
“Hey! You’re mean.” Soobin pouted this time and Beomgyu could see him preparing to sulk. If they were still in their early stage of their friendship Beomgyu would feel guilty, but he knew his best friend, and he knew that Soobin knew that he was joking. Still he walked to his best friend’s bed and hugged his side, the older whining at the sudden contact.
“I’m sorry, Soobinnie. You’re my best friend forever and ever.” He said obnoxiously loud and started mimicking kisses near Soobin’s face, making the other yelp as he tried to pull away from his grasp.
“Alright, alright! Please stop!” Soobin squealed as he laughed at Beomgyu’s probably dumb looking face. Once he had heard more of Soobin’s plea, Beomgyu released his grasp from his best friend and laughed at how disgusted Soobin looked.
After that Beomgyu decided to settle next to Soobin who made room on his queen-sized bed to let the younger set his studying material.
Once they finished eating and chatted a little more, they finally decided to actually study, Beomgyu using Soobin’s computer to start researching info on his history project. Taehyun and him had already establish how they would share the research work; they’ll have a first meeting this weekend to do a brainstorming. Beomgyu didn’t know a lot on his new classmate, not even how he looked like but at least he knew that he took his schoolwork very seriously. After finishing quickly their chat to know each other they had already mapped out a plan of how they were going to work and Beomgyu had found himself agreeing to every idea that the younger suggested simply because they were… good and thorough. It was nice to see, especially after what Soobin had told him about group work dynamics.
Beomgyu focused on his research because he definitely didn’t want to slack off when it was apparent that Taehyun was going to do a meticulous job.
He was reading an article on Yi Songgye when a small notification popped up on the op corner of Soobin’s computer.
From: Hyungie ✨
Are you busy rn?
I miss you TT TT
Beomgyu blinked at the message destined to his best friend. His eyes shifted towards Soobin who was focused on his homework. The computer was in silent mode, so he hadn’t noticed the messages. It was an iMessage though. It meant that it was supposed to be read on his phone, and not for Beomgyu to see at all.
Beomgyu wondered who was that hyung who missed Soobin. Soobin didn’t have a brother, or male cousins and he was the oldest of their group of friends. That hyung of his, Beomgyu didn’t know him, that was for sure.
But why?
Why didn’t he know about it?
Weren’t they best friend?
Soobin literally texted him all the time. Even while being on the toilet. He made sure to tell him what shape his poo was after being done. Every time. Even when Beomgyu didn’t want to know to begin with.
They told each other everything.
Well at least he thought so.
He was a little hurt, he wasn’t going to lie. It was unusual for his best friend to hide things. He always wore his heart on his sleeve. Besides, Beomgyu actually wondered how it was possible that the older had kept that hyung of his from him to begin with. Soobin couldn’t keep a secret for the life of him. He was such a bad liar, usually. Beomgyu was so intrigued.
“You’re okay, Gyu? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Beomgyu snapped out from his inner monologue to look at his best friend looking at him in question, head tilted like a puppy. Beomgyu didn’t even have the will to point it out to tease Soobin. He was a little confused.
Obviously, he couldn’t expect his hyung to tell him every little detail of his life, even if it was their habit to do so. In anyways, if Soobin had exceptionally cut this habit it must had been for a valid reason. Beomgyu ultimately trusted Soobin with his life. And that was the case since Soobin had shared his kimbap with a lonely Beomgyu on lunch break of his first day transferring to their school.
If Soobin didn’t feel like sharing this new relationship – or whatever that was – with Beomgyu then all could Beomgyu do was wait for him to talk about it.
“Gyu?” Soobin called for him again, this time looking a little more alarmed at his best friend’s silent staring.
“Huh— yes. I just— I just read something so surprising about Yi Songgye and had just to stop to think about it. You know how I get.” He explained sheepishly, looking away before Soobin notice how unconvincing his lie was on his expression.
“Oh… You’re sure?” Soobin asked again in worry and Beomgyu waved him with an “of course, Soobs!”
But it wasn’t all that fine, though. He couldn’t focus after that, because Soobin answered this hyung of his and Beomgyu had to deactivate the notifications on his friend’s computer because the more he read the bit of conversations, the more he wanted to pry and just ask. The more questions he had.
From: Hyungie ✨
I know TT TT
Im trying but its hard
going from seeing you every day to nothing – it’s weirddd
Aww you’re so cute
I’m keeping that selca for when I miss you too much
Once again, Beomgyu just deactivated the notifications, because wow, it was as cringy as it was intriguing.
After some time in which Soobin had practically gave up on his homework to text to his secret hyung he sighed and dropped his phone, “I’m thirsty. I’m going to go fetch some juice. Do you want something?”
“Actually, I’m just going to go.” Beomgyu blurted out a little dryly. He couldn’t focus anymore, and he had already sent to himself the document with his research, so he just got up and started packing his stuff. Soobin raised a single eyebrow at Beomgyu’s haste.
“Already?” Soobin almost whined.
“Huh, yeah. I have to go help my mother do something.” He lied instinctively and wow. He had never lied this much to his best friend in the span of an hour.
He gulped and ignored that small, but still present, ill feeling churning in his stomach. He just put on his black mask and finished packing his stuff, ignoring Soobin’s incessant confused gaze.
Soobin was frowning now, “You’re sure you’re—”
“—Yup. I’ll text you later,” Beomgyu cut his best friend’s inquiry as he passed by him to exit the bedroom. “See you later Soobin hyung.”
He left the house before waiting for his best friend’s answer.
Without hearing Soobin’s small “Did he just call me hyung?”
✜ ✜ ✜
Beomgyu had overslept.
It was 11AM and he was supposed to have his first meeting with Taehyun for their group work and Beomgyu had overslept.
To be fair, he had been playing overwatch all night on the night before. He had put an alarm for 10:30AM but had slept through it.
It was now 11:30AM and Beomgyu had woken up in haste when he had realized that the incessant buzzing was from his phone. He got up so fast when he saw the time on his bedroom clock that he fell off his bed, crawling to his desk to get his phone that made the trinkets on the whole surface shake.
Once he finally reached his phone, he saw the caller and winced.
“—can’t believe he would just— Hello? Hello? Beomgyu-ssi?” a rather pissed off voice asked, and Beomgyu gulped.
“Hey… I’m so sorry, Taehyun.” He said quietly and his voice was such a raspy mess, that he had to clear his throat to sound normal, “I— I didn’t hear my alarm.”
“I called you four times.” Taehyun answered sternly.
“I know, I’m sorry. My phone was on silence mode.” Beomgyu explained sheepishly. He felt even guiltier because it just all sounded like excuses.
“Listen.” Taehyun interrupted his thoughts, “We didn’t choose our groups. And in anyways, I don’t know anyone in this class so I can’t even tell the good students and slackers apart. But I’m not going to fail this project because of how unserious you are.”
“I really didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t even. I don’t want to hear it. Just… please. Don’t let it happen again, Beomgyu-ssi.” Taehyun sighed and this time it was softer, maybe even desperate and Beomgyu hated that he mad the younger feel this way, even not on purpose.
“Yes. I’ll be more serious from now on. I’m so sorry, Taehyun.” Beomgyu muttered, and he could feel himself pout, just like when his mother was disappointed over something dumb that he did.
He must have sound earnest because Taehyun said lightly, “It’s fine… Sorry for scolding you like that.”
“No, don’t apologize. I need to hear it. My mother always says that it’s the only way for me to truly learn,” Beomgyu muttered the last part but Taehyun had clearly heard it because a small snort and chuckle could be heard from the other end of the line.
That instantly made Beomgyu’s heart lighter.
(Which was weird, but Beomgyu ignored it.)
✜ ✜ ✜
They worked on their shared documents for two hours straight.
Beomgyu was glad he had taken his research seriously because Taehyun had sounded happily surprised that he had found so much to talk about. Beomgyu was just happy that he could convince the younger that he wasn’t what his previous behavior made him out to be.
They worked diligently, first chatting about how they were going to organize everything, then more silently to actually do what they were going to do.
Once it was lunch time, Beomgyu’s stomach grumbled so hard that Taehyun had chuckled quietly at the loud ridiculous sound.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t eat this morning.” Beomgyu laughed in embarrassment as he stood up to fetch some quick snack in his mini fridge. On Saturdays, his mother didn’t cook lunch and he was too lazy to cook something for himself, so he was probably going to run on snacks until dinner.
“It’s fine, it’s almost lunch anyways.”
“I’m probably going to skip it, though. My mother doesn’t cook on Saturdays and I’m too lazy to do it.” He explained as he quietly munched on his dried seaweed.
“Oh, I see,” the younger hummed, “I’m probably going to cook something for myself, too.” he said absentmindedly and Beomgyu pictured him stretching after the mental effort that they had just realized.
“Oh? Your mother doesn’t cook either? Small world,” Beomgyu joked, expected to hear more of the melodious chuckle but he was met with a small silence.
“Yeah, I guess…” Taehyun said in muted voice. His usually normal leveled voice was now shaky, “Actually… I’m currently living with my sister. She has work on Saturday, so I just cook for myself.”
Beomgyu blinked at the answer, looking at the glowing initials dim down after the small but loaded confession. The statement in itself wasn’t all that shocking but it was obvious that there was more to it. And Beomgyu was most certainly not going to pry.
“Oh! Well, look at us.” He said dramatically, “Having to fend for ourselves to be fed. It’s like we’re back to stone age or something. Although I’m currently eating dried seaweed. I guess I have it a little better than the stone age people… Stoners? I don’t know.”
“… Wow,” Taehyun huffed a laugh, his voice clearer now, “That was a whole load of nonsense, right there.” He pointed out and Beomgyu wondered what Taehyun looked like when he smiled. Did his eyes crinkle like his brother? Did he have dimples like Soobin? Did he have a perfect row of teeth like his mother?
He kind of wanted to know so bad.
“I know… I try to make sense most of the time but sometimes the inner dumb me just jumps out. Please excuse me for that,” He apologized formally and this time Taehyun didn’t just chuckled. He laughed. A full boisterous laugh. So surprising but pretty, and if his chuckles were melodious, his laugh was a symphony that made his insides tingle in the best way.
“Wow,” he whispered despite himself.
And maybe Taehyun had great ears because his laughter subdued and he cleared his throat to say, “What was that?”
“Nothing. My stomach probably. Are you hungry?” he changed the subject quickly.
“I mean… kind of? But I’m going to cook some cup ramen right now.” Taehyun said as Beomgyu heard some shuffles and a door opening, probably from the younger doing exactly what he had said he would do. Beomgyu himself decided that they were done working and he shuffled to his bed to make himself comfortable.
“What’s your address?” Beomgyu asked decisively.
“What are you saying?” Taehyun chuckled again, some muted background noise forcing him to speak a little louder.
“I’m asking for your home address so I can order you chicken.” Beomgyu repeated and Taehyun immediately tsked.
“You cannot be serious right now.” Taehyun said in disbelief.
“I never joke about food, Kang Taehyun.” Beomgyu said as he kept on eating his snack.
“And why would you buy me chicken? You don’t even know if I like it. I could be vegan, for all you know.”
“Oh, please,” Beomgyu scoffed, “Your katalk icon is chicken!”
“It’s a chick.”
“Same difference, Tae.” He waved off easily. Then he paused.
The nickname had just slipped out. He was just... comfortable.
Taking to Taehyun surprisingly felt like talking to an old friend. Sure, he had to be careful with fragile topics, but overall, it was just easy.
“Sorry, I just got ahead of myself.” He said quickly before Taehyun could say anything, but the younger pshhed at him.
“It’s fine… You can call me that if you want.”
(Beomgyu’s heart jumped a little, but he won’t acknowledge it more than that.)
“But... you still use the honorifics with me. So, I wouldn’t want to go further than what you are comfortable with.” Beomgyu pointed out seriously. Taehyun’s comfort was the priority.
That seemed to surprise Taehyun who let out a small “Oh, yeah. I can just… drop it. If you’re fine with it, of course.”
Beomgyu was glad that there weren’t any cameras because the smile he had on at the moment was probably so goofy looking.
“Yes, of course I’m okay with it. Just call me Beomgyu, or Beomie or Gyu. Anything’s fine, really. We’re going to work together for almost a month. We should be comfortable with each other.” He said warmly, “Besides... We’re going to be chicken buddies.”
“I’m not letting you order chicken for me, Beomgyu. I’m done cooking my ramen anyways.” Taehyun said, slipping in a comfortable speech so easily and Beomgyu already was fond of it.
“Oh, shoot! Next time, I guess.” He teased, laughing at Taehyun’s small whining for him to stop.
✜ ✜ ✜
(They talked for two more hours after that.
Getting to know Taehyun was like a roller coaster. Exhilarating and stomach dropping but also terrifying of what would happen next.
Good thing that Beomgyu loved roller coasters.)
✜ ✜ ✜
It was currently Monday – two weeks after he met Taehyun - and Beomgyu was out jogging with an exhausted Soobin trailing behind him.
They had ‘made up’ although there never was a fight to begin with.
No, Beomgyu had just decided to ignore everything because if he couldn’t talk about that with Soobin, he didn’t want to not talk to him at all. He was still his best friend after all.
Soobin had ignored it too in a way since he had just acted like Beomgyu hadn’t practically stormed off the week before. They just pretended nothing happened and it was fine with the both of them.
“Why are you running so fast?” Soobin wheezed from behind and Beomgyu chuckled.
“I’m not even going that fast, Soob. You’re just lazy.” He answered between two big breath. They were just jigging around their neighborhood blocks but some part of it were still paved with uneven concrete. You had to be focused if you didn’t want to trip and fall.
“I don’t know how you convinced me to go with you. Next time I’m following you with an electric scooter. You know, those Lime ones.” Soobin wheezed again, barely able to catch up with Beomgyu without slowing down to cough. Beomgyu pitied him a little. Soobin truly hated any type of physical efforts.
It was weird too because he was naturally slim and tall. He was clearly one of God’s favorite. Maybe that’s why he never did any straining activity. Him running with Beomgyu was a huge fluke. A happy one, though.
Beomgyu was just happy to spend time with his best friend after that awkward episode, truly.
They kept on running in silence for three minutes before Soobin yelped, making Beomgyu turn around in alarm.
“I found a Lime scooter! Thank you, Lord!” Soobin exhaled so dramatically as he ran to the stranded Lime scooter on the other side of the street, phone already out. Beomgyu chuckled fondly and just let the older do his thing. He knew that they wouldn’t last that long anyways.
Once Soobin finished synchronizing his phone with the scooter he rode to the end of the street where Beomgyu was waiting for him. Beomgyu eyed him judgmentally but Soobin was just smirking, ignoring his stare. He was still red from the previous efforts, face wet from the sweat. Beomgyu probably didn’t look any better.
Instead of waiting for Beomgyu, Soobin passed by him and leisurely rode his scooter throwing a “What are you waiting for, huh? Don’t slow me down. Come on!”
Beomgyu cursed at the audacity of his best friend, but eventually started running again to catch up to him.
After that, it was just silent running, while Soobin was occasionally humming a song that Beomgyu didn’t recognize.
“What are you humming? It sounds good.” Beomgyu asked as they rounded yet another block.
“Hum? Oh.” Soobin snapped out of his thought and chuckled awkwardly – why though? – “It’s just a song that someone sang around me. I think it’s a Dean song, named “D”? not sure though.”
“Ugh, don’t even mention him. My brother is obsessed with Dean.” Beomgyu huffed out remembering how Yeonjun couldn’t shut up about the Korean American artist. He still had the song ‘Instagram’ permanently playing in his worst nightmares from how loud Yeonjun used to play it around the house back when he still lived with them.
“Oh… Was he?” Soobin said after a pause.
“Yes. It was annoying as hell.” Beomgyu chuckled under his – exhausted – breath, “It’s weird but now I almost miss it.” He said absentmindedly.
Soobin hummed in response, although his voice was a little shaky, -- weird he wasn’t even running anymore.
“Yeah. I mean I can understand,” Soobin hummed, “Going from seeing him every day to—”
“—To nothing.” Beomgyu finished for him, stopping dead in his jog.
A clear memory of the messages he had read a week ago materialized in his mind and a churning feeling creeped in his stomach.
It seriously couldn’t be.
Of course, it wasn’t.
They would have told him.
“Gyu? Why did you stop?”
Soobin looked confused at Beomgyu abrupt action and wow, he just looked so innocent and lost.
Soobin always looked innocent. It was just the dimples and soft edges that made anyone think that he was the sweetest and most trustworthy person ever. And his appearance matched his personality in many ways. He was sweet and very thoughtful.
Beomgyu always wondered how it was possible that someone so great would stay with him. Choose him as his best friend when anyone would kill to be even near Soobin.
He had once shared this thought on a late night during one of their sleepovers. Soobin had gasped and hit him hard, scolding him for having such a low esteem of himself.
“Hey! Don’t say that! I’m as lucky to have you as you’re lucky to have me, Gyu. Don’t even think for a minute anything else!”
The words still resonated in him to this day. It had been like they had temporarily put out fire burning in his chest. The fire of self-doubt.
They confirmed one thing in his life as well: if Beomgyu practically questioned everything about himself, he at least would always have Soobin by his side to give him some answers.
He didn’t need anyone else. He had Soobin.
He could handle anything because he had Soobin.
He could endure any hardship and self-doubt. He could even survive with his biggest demon.
His biggest obstacle but greatest relationship.
As long as he had Soobin, he didn’t have to feel less behind his brother’s shadow.
It was fine that he would always be known as ‘Yeonjun’s brother’ with other because at least he was quite simply Beomgyu ‘my best friend Beomgyu’ to Soobin.
Or at least he thought.
“Soobin. Are you seeing my brother?”
Soobin’s eyes widened at the question and Beomgyu didn’t know whether to throw up or laugh at how comical he looked.
“Wh-What? What are you talking about?” Soobin spluttered as he settled off the scooter, few feet away from Beomgyu. His whole demeanor had completely changed in spans of seconds. He looked tense and was fidgeting although his eyes never left Beomgyu’s face.
“I saw some messages while I was on your computer two weeks ago. I didn’t check them on purpose, the notification just popped up on the screen.” He clarified before Soobin started getting the wrong idea, “I deactivated the notification eventually because I didn’t want to breach your privacy, but I still saw some of them. One of them were exactly what you just said, about ‘going from seeing someone everyday to nothing’, which makes wonder.”
A pause.
“Are you seeing my brother?”
That hast question was so emotionally charged that they could feel it resting over their head. They both knew it.
They both knew what his answer would mean for the both of them. For their friendship.
“No. I’m not seeing your brother.”
Beomgyu blinked at him, scanning his whole figure just to sense if he was lying. Maybe it was because he was himself so over the edge, but Soobin didn’t showcase any of his tells that instantly indicated that he was lying.
Beomgyu was just confused.
“Are you sure?” he said, his eyes narrowing instinctively just to scrutinize Soobin’s tense figure.
He wanted to believe his best friend. He really did.
“Yes, Beomgyu. I am sure.” Soobin answered, his voice more leveled now. His expression was clearing, to show something more earnest.
Beomgyu looked away, confused on what to think.
“Who is it, then?” he asked quietly, trying to tame down the accusation in his tone.
Soobin seemed surprised to receive this question, and it surprised Beomgyu too. He wasn’t the type to pry. Soobin wasn’t either. They just always waited for the other to be comfortable to say what he had on his mind.
All of that was out the window the moment Beomgyu had figured that the hyung was most likely his brother.
“… I can’t tell you.” Soobin whispered and Beomgyu felt a pang in his chest.
“You— You can’t tell me? Why?” Beomgyu whispered back and he didn’t know why, but he was tearing up now.
He didn’t understand his own body reaction, it was almost funny.
“I— I just can’t.”
“If you can’t tell me, I’m just going to assume you’re lying to me hyung.”
“Oh, Gyu. It— I swear it’s not that bad. Don’t call me hyung over that.” Soobin pleaded, knowing that things were serious if the younger used the honorifics.
“Why? Would it remind you of that secret hyung that you clearly care about and who I don’t know anything about!?”
“Gyu—”
“—Or is it because you know that if you told me the truth, I would be so disappointed, and you wouldn’t know how to handle it.” He finished with an accusatory hiss.
They were alone in the street and the sun was setting. The streetlights were almost going to be the only source of lighting and maybe it was for the better because Beomgyu didn’t want anyone to see him cry.
“Beomgyu, calm down!”
“No!” he said louder, “No! I gave you time to talk about it. I’ve known for two weeks and I respected your space. I figured that you would talk about it when you’ll be ready. That you had your reasons but hyung, I swear to God, if it’s Yeonjun hyung, I won’t ever speak to either of you!” he sneered out, completely out of breath.
The color had drained out of Soobin’s face and he hated to be the reason for it. But he hated the thought of his best friend and brother being together even more.
A heavy silence rested between the two of them, both shocked from what he had just said.
“… You don’t mean that.” Soobin muttered shakily and teared rolled out on his cheeks so suddenly that Beomgyu wondered how long he had been holding them. “I know you don’t mean it, Gyu. I know you wouldn’t consider breaking our friendship over this.”
“You know how much I struggle living under his shadow. You know that better than anyone else, Soobin.” He spat, “And I love him. I do. He’s everyone favorite person for a reason. I get that. I just—” he sobbed loudly, “I just figured that if he could have anyone, I at least had you for myself.”
“You do have me, Gyu.” Soobin exhaled out in frustration and he looked so tired. So, exhausted from this whole situation.
Beomgyu looked at the figure of his greatest friendship.
“I don’t think I do. Not anymore.” He said so lowly, but he knew that Soobin had heard him.
Soobin looked crestfallen, like he didn’t know what to say. But Beomgyu didn’t want to hear anymore.
He turned around and started running away, ignoring Soobin’s sobs behind him.
✜ ✜ ✜
When he went to sleep that night, it was after turning off his phone because of how bad it was buzzing.
He didn’t want to listen to anyone anymore.
It just hurt to do so.
✜ ✜ ✜
Life seemed just a little bit duller after that fight.
Beomgyu hadn’t realized how much he hung out and spent time with Soobin on a daily basis. It was just constant texting, sending each other memes during online classes and facetiming each other until dead hours of the night.
Suddenly stopping it felt so odd to Beomgyu, and that weirdness just translated itself in his behavior.
He stopped talking, stopped participating in class to his teacher’s dismay. He had stopped chatting with his other friends and spent his days sulking, making his parents worried because they just didn’t understand his new behavior, although they had figured that it had something to do with Soobin, who wasn’t dropping by every two days anymore.
It was just weird. And irritating.
Taehyun had noticed it, as well.
It was currently Saturday, and they had one of their last meetings to prepare the finalization of their work. Beomgyu was doing his best to work while feeling like shit. Since his fight he barely slept, barely ate and that made him less focus on his work. He made sure to be diligent with his history group work because Taehyun trusted him with it, but today it was particularly hard.
It was after his third pause to contemplate things that Taehyun cleared his throat, making him snap out of his daze.
“So… You’ve been off, lately.” Taehyun started carefully, and Beomgyu appreciated the tact he used because he knew that the younger could be blunt when he wanted to.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m going to focus.” He promised as he shook his head to wake himself up and stop himself from zoning out. He owed it to the younger at least.
“I mean… I’m not saying that to scold you. We advanced more than what I had expected. We’ll be done by Monday, so don’t worry too much about that.” Taehyun said softly and that did make Beomgyu feel a little less like crap though. He didn’t really feel like working at the moment. He had so much free time since the fight that he just used his free time to study, when he wasn’t sulking or zoning in strange corners of his mind.
“Do… Do you want to hang up now?” Taehyun asked carefully. Beomgyu’s eyes snapped towards his phone screen, the bold ‘KT’ staring at him. Today, Beomgyu’s camera was on, and as usual Taehyun’s was off. It was weird that he still didn’t know what the younger looked like, but at this point he had just stopped thinking about it. Sure, he was intrigued but he had other things in mind.
It had been three weeks since they had met. During this time, they had talked a lot, during their meetings and even a little by message, although Taehyun was a bad texter, that Beomgyu had noticed. He didn’t hold it against him though. The younger just didn’t do social medias in general.
(“I prefer scrolling through book pages full of interesting stories than through a feed of people’s Instagram artificial stories.” The younger had explained simply after one of their meetings. That statement had made Beomgyu laugh, much to Taehyun’s confusion.)
“No… We can talk as usual.” Beomgyu answered after some thinking. He didn’t want to push Taehyun away because he couldn’t handle his own feelings.
“Alright then.” Taehyun said kindly, “You choose what we can talk about.”
Beomgyu let out a small noise of question, but eventually shrugged, “Alright… Huh, tell me about your life before coming here.”
Taehyun hummed hesitantly. Beomgyu heard some shuffles until he heard some ruffles that sounded like sheets. The younger was most likely making himself comfortable in his bed and Beomgyu decided to do the same, crawling under his covers.
“Well, like I said before I used to live in Seoul, with my sister but she got a great job here, so we moved here.”
“And what about the rest of your family?” Beomgyu asked absentmindedly, his mouth snapping shut instantly when he realized what he had asked. His inner angst made him a little loose on the tact, clearly, because eh had already established that parents were a touchy subject for Taehyun. He didn’t want to force the younger to talk about difficult things with him. They were getting familiar with each other, but they weren’t exactly friends yet.
“I’m sorry— You don’t have to answer—”
“It’s fine Beomgyu. I know you’ve been patient and honestly, I feel like we’re close enough to talk about that.”
For the first time since the fight, it was a tight feeling that took his chest but rather like a warmth, like when you drank some chamomile tea after coming from a gloomy rainy day. He felt his cheek warm up a little and he didn’t understand why such normal although kind words made him feel so… fond.
“I—I’m glad you feel that way.” He simply said back, a small smile stretching on his lips – once again for the first time in quite some time.
He heard a faint chuckle and a whispered ‘cute’, which definitely not made his heart stuttered.
“So…” Taehyun said before pausing. Beomgyu let him take his time collecting his thoughts in silence.
Eventually the younger said, “Actually, my parents died when I was two years old and my stepsister ten.” Beomgyu froze silently at the admittance, “After that, she and I started living with my aunt. Honestly, my sister could’ve left to live with her real father, but she refused to leave my side. I was only two years old, but she fought tooth and nail for me like I was her real brother.” He explained, “Eventually, she graduated high school and then college, while I was in primary and middle school. It was our plan to live together when she’d be all settle down, so here we are.” Taehyun finished, almost casually, although Beomgyu could detect hints of hurt in his words.
He couldn’t imagine how the younger’s life must have been, losing his parents at such a young age.
He didn’t know how to act after hearing such private intel, but clearly, he didn’t want to make this about him and how he was feeling. Besides, he knew that pity was something that people usually hated when they were dealing with losses of close ones.
So, he simply said earnestly, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Your sister sounds like a great person, though.”
A silent invaded the conversation, before a simple “Oh. Yeah, she’s amazing.”
“I’m so glad you have her in your life. It must have been confusing for you, especially at such a young age.”
“… Yeah it was. It still is,” Taehyun sighed before hesitantly confessing, “Sometimes I wonder what if, you know.”
“What if…?”
“What if they were still alive? What if there hadn’t been that storm and my mother hadn’t been stuck on a random freeway. What if my dad hadn’t gone to fetch her? What if that tree hadn’t felt on their car because of the thunder…?”
Beomgyu hummed to show he was listening. It seemed like Taehyun needed to vent out, and Beomgyu would gladly let him do it.
“I’m just happy that Haseul noona was there. She’s been my anchor, quite frankly. She sacrificed so much to support us, even when we used to live at my aunt. That’s why I insist on working hard. I want to graduate with the best result, go to college to get any degree that will allow me to have a stable job. Anything to be less of a burden for her, you know.” Taehyun said truthfully, and wow. Beomgyu had a new level of respect for the younger.
He sounded so passionate when he gave his reasons and Beomgyu admired him as much as he – dare he admit it – felt bad for him. It’s sad that he felt like his life goal was to have a stable job. Knowing Taehyun, he most likely had some passions. From the way he had edited and produced their history video, he clearly had some artistic inkling in him, and the fact that he was probably going to throw it away to help his sister was as honorable as it was… sad.
Despite that all he said was, “What you’re doing is so great… You’re probably sacrificing some things for her, and I think it’s amazing. I don’t know. I just— You’re so cool, Hyun.” And he meant it.
Taehyun’s laugh sent shivers down his spine. It was truly the most beautiful thing he had heard in a long time.
“Thank you… Beomie.” Taehyun said lowly and Beomgyu could just hear the smile in his words. His own smile widened at the nickname.
No. Thank you for trusting me enough to talk about it.” Honestly Beomgyu was so touched from the gesture that he almost wanted to tear up. He was very emotional lately.
“Yeah, well. You’re welcome. You’re my only friend here and you… You’re a good one at that, so.” Taehyun said the last part almost as a whisper but Beomgyu heard it clearly. Once again, he felt a spark lighting up in his heart.
He sighed after he let the warm feeling rush through his chest. Eventually he breathed out, “I wish I was a good friend to everyone, though.”
“… Is this about why you’ve been so down lately?”
“Yeah,” Beomgyu sighed, “I… I got into a fight with my best friend, Soobin.”
“And… may I know what it was about?”
“Yeah, of course. We’re friend, aren’t we?” Beomgyu said cheekily, making the other hum calmly although there was a chuckle behind it.
“So…” he started, pausing to choose his words, “I think my best friend is seeing my brother and he completely hid it from me.” He almost whined, “I had to find out about it through text messages that he sent Soobin when I was studying in his computer. I read them accidentally and Yeonjun hyung’s name wasn’t explicitly written at the time.”
“So how did you know it was him, then?” Taehyun asked simply.
“Honestly, I didn’t want to assume anything and it seemed impossible back then, but then, this Monday he and I were chatting while we were jogging together we started talking about Yeonjun hyung and Soobin ended up saying something him that was practically identical to what him and that 'secret hyung' had talked about in the messages… My mind just clicked. I asked Soobin if it was true and he tried to deny it. But after some prying, and some stupid ultimatum I gave him, he basically confirmed it… We haven’t talked since.” He exhaled, almost out of breath from simply telling about the story.
“I see…” Taehyun said seriously, as if in thought, “One thing before I tell you what I think about all of it… Do you have feelings for Soobin-ssi?”
Beomgyu chocked with his own saliva, coughing a “What?! No! Never. He’s like a brother to me… I could never see him like that!” he cringed at the idea of seeing Soobin in any other way than as a sibling. He shivered at the thought.
“Alright, then what’s the matter? Is it about your brother, then?” Taehyun asked although his tone showed that he already knew about it.
“I just… Maybe you never felt like that because your sister is not only older than us, but you guys had literally thousands of more important things to worry about, but having your sibling being perfect is hard, Tae. It’s hard and sometimes annoying. Honestly, I usually barely complain about it, because Yeonjun is really just perfect. That includes him being the perfect brother. He’s always cared about me, helped me with my homework, with my hobbies, protected me from anyone who made fun of me, even when he was busy. I admire him so much, and I just... I understand why everyone prefer him so much to me. Why they like to compare us. He’s legendary Choi Yeonjun, model son, model student and model friend. I get it. And I might sound bitter, I did say that it was hard, and it is, but overall, I’m fine with it. I lived with it my entire life and I’ll keep on living with it.”
He sighed, “But, mostly it was fine because if Yeonjun could have anyone in the world, at least he didn’t have what I had with Soobin.”
“Ah.”
“Don’t mistaken me, Hyun. Soobin’s my best friend, and he’s been my anchor." Beomgyu smiled to himself. "You know those people who are just rays of light who shines so brightly and that could literally shine on anyone but somehow decided that they’ll shine on you? You find yourself wondering ‘How is possible that this great person, who anyone would die to be friend with chose to be my friend?’. That’s how I felt with Soobin since we met eight years ago.” He explained.
Then he added “I don’t belittle myself a lot, but it’s hard not to when you have Choi Yeonjun as your brother and Choi Soobin as your best friend." Beomgyu winced at the wording sheepishly, "God, I must sound like an insecure piece of shit.”
“Not exactly.” Taehyun cut him, “You just sound hurt. And not just because of your fight.”
That felt like a small pang in his chest.
“I just— I knew that Yeonjun could have anything he want in life. I said it, I’m fine with living in his shadow because I had Soobin to light things for me. I also knew that Soobin could have anything he wanted as well, I just expected him to choose me until the end.”
“… And now you feel like he chose your brother.” Taehyun finished for him, his voice so soft.
“… I just don’t want to be left behind.” He huffed painfully and Taehyun hummed softly, “I also don’t want to share him either, as bad as it sounds. I don’t think of Soobin as something to be owned. He’s his own person with his own choices and actions. I guess I can only blame myself for expecting him to be solely be mine despite that.”
When he finished, he felt out of breath, like had ran an emotional marathon.
He just had unloaded a lot on Taehyun and suddenly Beomgyu felt guilty, and a little silly.
He was about to apologize for ranting for so long but Taehyun cut him.
“You know, Beomgyu. From what I’m hearing the issue isn’t truly about Soobin, or your brother. It’s about you.”
Beomgyu blinked at the ceiling that was currently looking at.
“You count so much on others to define your worth. And I get it, it’s so easy to rely on your relationships to guide you in life, but if my parent’s death taught me one thing is that at the end of the day you should first and foremost count on yourself to help yourself.”
Beomgyu didn’t know what to say. He was just so used to simple… depend on Soobin. “He’s my best friend”, he muttered to himself.
“Yes, he’s your best friend. But he’s also his own person, he’s entitled to his own feelings and him being with your brother doesn’t mean that he doesn’t choose you at the end of the day. Sure, there will be moments in which he’ll choose Yeonjun, if this thing of theirs even lasts, but from the way I’m seeing it right now, you’re the one who’s making the choices for the both of you, Beomgyu.”
Beomgyu blinked again and this time it was moist. He was crying.
“You talked about an ultimatum earlier, too. I’m assuming it was along the lines of ‘It’s me or him’. And you assumed he chose Yeonjun-ssi. But Beomie, it’s not because he chose Yeonjun to be with that he doesn’t choose you every day in other grander matters. He spends time with you, shares things with you, go jogging with you when I’m pretty sure you mentioned that he despised working out before. He chooses you in different ways.” Taehyun said softly.
Beomgyu’s heart was pounding.
“And in any ways Beomie… You’re not a shadow. Your best friend and brother might be the sun, but you’re a star. You might not be shining as bright at them, but people will always be mesmerized about you in different and more beautiful ways. I know I am.”
The last sentence was hushed so lowly that Beomgyu thought he had imagined it.
Everything that Taehyun had said made him feel so much better and see things differently but somehow at the moment, none of it mattered.
He felt so much at the same time.
Sadness.
Confusion.
But somehow the feeling that overpowered all the hurt he was still feeling was extreme fondness and pure adoration for this beautiful boy.
This beautiful faceless boy.
Maybe it’s this realization that made him wipe his tears and so suddenly sit up, before breathing out a small, “Can we see each other, Hyun?”
A pause.
“What?”
“I want to see you. Not your initials. Not just hear you. I want to see you. In real life.”
Beomgyu waited for the younger's response. He could hear him breathing through the microphone, but he wasn’t saying anything.
Eventually he heard a lone and shaky, “I’m sorry… I can’t.”
“Oh.”
His heart fell. He felt it deep inside his gut.
“I—I’m sorry. I just really— I can’t.”
Beomgyu felt more tears coming but he wiped them before they even gotten a chance to roll out, “It— it’s fine. I just said that on a whim. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable—”
“No, Beomgyu. You don’t understand—”
“No, I get it, I overstepped your boundaries, I apologize. I just… I have to go. My mom just called me for dinner.” He lied quickly, completely overwhelmed.
He hung up before letting the other finish and flopped back in is bed, closing his eyes.
He had to calm down unless he wanted to cry big fat ugly tears.
He did some breathing exercise to calm his pounding hurting heart before he felt his phone buzzing.
Instinctively he reached it to see what it was about. He had actually received two messages.
From: Tae :3
It’s really not what you think. I know you’re going through a lot right now, so I’ll leave you alone, but please don’t assume the worse, Beomie
From: Yeonjun hyung!!
We need to talk.
I’m coming home this week.
He groaned so loudly that his mother must have probably heard him from the kitchen downstairs.
Few seconds later he heard a loud “Gyu? You’re okay honey?”
Instinctively he screamed a “Yeah, mom. I’m okay!”
As usual, it was just fine.