Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I’ve lied about a lot of things, but not about this.” 

“That’s the thing about lying a lot. Even the truth becomes a lie…” 

She swallows. She thinks that it was over before it started even if she didn’t know. Even if neither of them did. But this wasn’t a lie and the bits that were sure felt like the truth.

.oOo.

The capital is quite lively today, Mai supposes that it makes sense enough considering that it is the fire lord’s birthday. She can’t say that she has any such mirth for herself. This isn’t especially unusual, people are generally hard pressed to find something that does spark her amusement even faintly. All of this festivity, however, leaves her feeling more bleak than usual. 

“Hippo-ox tail skewer?” A vendor offers. 

She shakes her head and pushes her way through the crowd. The delighted shrieks of children are grating on her ears. She grits her teeth, what she would give to be at home again. Even endeavor of selling nauseatingly bright flowers would beat wandering around The Capital, being bombarded by constant reminders of the man she’d let go of. He isn’t so great. She reminds herself. And his family certainly isn’t one that she’d like to marry into. Decidedly she is doing herself a service by staying as far away from Zuko as she can. She casts a glance over her shoulder to where the palace looms both mockingly and majestically. Clearly she isn’t making good on keeping that distance. But it can’t exactly be helped, not when Aunt Mura is in desperate need of sales. 

She sighs and replaces the ‘at lunch’ sign with an ‘open’ sign. For what it’s worth, the festival is doing wonders for Mura’s shop. She supposes that a few days of taxing hustle and bustle will be worth it in the long run, especially if it means that she will have more time to relax when all is said and done. 

She lazily plucks a single flower and twirls in between her fingers. Honestly, what a drag. At least back in her home village, Mura or Tom-Tom would keep her company while she waited for a customer to approach. 

She drums her fingers on the wood as she inhales fragrant gardenia and lily of the valley. The wind blows a helping of petals towards the ground, she will let the flowers be their own sales pitch. Contrary to what Mura believes, Mai is inclined to say that these flowers do sell themselves. 

She sets her flower aside and looks up. There is a girl, a small thing, approaching the stall. Which is well enough but she is approaching too speedily. Actually it is more of a charge or a sprint than it is an innocent little stroll. 

Mai cringes, she watches the girl leap over a cart of furs and onto a cabbage stall. The man gives a forlorn yelp, “my cabbages!” She is almost certain that she has heard that wail before. She shrugs, at least it wasn’t her stall. 

But the girl isn’t finished she very nearly topples the flimsy stall as she bounds away, weaving in and out of the crowd. For a moment, Mai thinks that she has dodged a poisoned dart. The girl disappears into the crowd, the moment of excitement she had brought dissipates with her.

Mai shrugs again, “oh well.” She rests her elbow on the counter and her cheek in her palm. How truly boring. She supposes that she was bound to have at least one slower day. It usually is slow after lunch when everyone is rushing to the more exciting festival activities…

“Hey!”

Mai jolts, knocking a flower pot from the counter. The girl catches it and puts it back in place with a grin. “Okay, so I saved your honeysuckles…”

“They’re tuberoses.”

The girl nods. “Okay, so I saved your tuberoses, I’m a real hero so I was hoping you can do me a favor.” 

Mai blinks. 

“I’m gonna pretend like I care about these flowers…”

“You and me both.” Mai grumbles. 

“And I’m gonna pretend like I’m about to buy one.”

“Or you could actually buy one.”

The girl feels her pockets. “I guess I can, but only if this works.” 

“What works?” 

“Well, I may have gotten into it with the Iwaken boys again. Except this time all four of them are here.” She rubs the back of her head and flashes a lopsided grin. She is missing a tooth, the one next to her right canine. 

“I take it you don’t want them to knock out more of your teeth.”

The girl laughs. “They aren’t quite that strong. No, this happened elsehow.”

“Then why don’t you, I don’t know, go fight them?” 

The girl shrugs. “I gotta pick my battles.”

Mai looks her up and down. Head to toe she is covered in cuts, scrapes, and bruises. Scuffs of dirt streak her pants and splotch her face. “New development?” 

“Huh?” 

“Nevermind.” Mai rolls her eyes. 

“Thanks!” The girl declares.

Mai quirks a brow. “For what.”

“For helping.” She gestures to four rather burly looking boys. “I think that they bought it. They’d never guess that I’d be looking at flowers.” 

Mai eyes the tuberose that the girl is brushing her fingers over. If only she’d bought it. If only anyone would just buy a flower already! “Look, kid, if you aren’t going to buy anything…” 

This time the girl blinks. “I’m not a child. I’m nineteen. Twenty, in a few weeks. At least that’s what they told me.”

Now there’s a head scratcher. “Other people told you your age?”

“It’s a long story.” She taps her finger to the corner of her mouth. “I don’t remember the whole thing though.” 

“Great. Well, I’ve got a business to run…” 

“I can help!” She declares and holds up her coin pouch. “I’m running a little low.” 

Mai sighs. “Fine.”

At least things might be less drab with this woman around. 

“I’m Mai.”

“That’s a pretty name.” 

“Thank you.” Mai replies. She watches the woman lean against the stall. “Well?” She asks after a while.

“Well what?”

“What is your name?”

“Oh. I don’t have one of those.” She flashes another smile as though she hasn’t uttered the most bizarre thing that Mai has heard all week.

Chapter Text

It hurts. It hurts terribly. Agonizingly. 

She sinks deeper and deeper and the water around her seems to bubble and boil. 

She sees a face and then several of them and then many more. They all watch her. 

They are all around her but her gaze is still fixed on the first one. It is quite lovely. Lovely and terrifying in synchrony. Like an erupting volcano it is intense, splendid, and promising of demise. That face fades into the background and the others circle around her.

For a moment her vision is obscured by a thick cloud of bubbles. They flit and flick about like moth-wasps. She thinks that she can hear them buzzing. When they clear the faces are all scowling at her. They are twisted and ugly. 

Evil.

They want something.

They all swarm closer.

Closer…

Closer…

She bolts upright and shakes her head. It doesn’t matter how much or how hard she shakes it, the dream never leaves her head. It is always there replaying in different variations and tones. But those faces, they are always there. Always watching. Sometimes she feels them watching her well into waking. She shudders. It is still dark out, she ought to roll on over and get back to sleep. Especially now that she has a new job. She smiles to herself, Mohi will be proud if she can make this one work. Especially since she hasn’t really been able to hold a job; if it wasn’t tardiness it was getting mouthy with her employer. If it wasn’t snark and wits it was brawling on the job. And sometimes that wasn’t even her fault, sometimes they just came to her. She thinks that this is why Mohi moved from Hira’a to the Capital. Something about a fresh start and no enemies. 

She sits still for some time, staring at the moonrays that spill through the cracked window. The draft that comes through it is cool on her face, refreshingly so after so many sweltering Fire Nation nights. 

She stretches her arms and pulls herself out of bed. Ultimately she has no desire to plunge back into the waters of her nightmare. Slipping out of the house isn’t so difficult, Mohi and her sons sleep heavy. She wishes that she could do the same but she supposes that being up so early has its perks. Namely she can slink about the city and swipe a few goods from mostly unmonitored food carts and trinket stalls. And when she isn’t in a swiping sort of mood she can jump from roof to roof, swing from railing to balcony, leap over walls and on top of stacks of crates. It is a hobby but it keeps her both fit and entertained. It gives her something to feel special about when Zenyul and Kaz overzealously dance around with their flames. 

She takes a step into the cracked city streets. They are littered with trash, mostly discarded posters, broken glass, and piles of excess coal that the factories were too lazy to carry out of the city. Apparently the outskirts worked just as well, out of sight out of mind; really there was no harm, the outskirts of Capital City are already dirty.

The wind carries the scent of sulfur and factory waste as it smacks against her face. She bunches her nose and gives a little cough, she hates windy days. This doesn’t really matter either, she will be in the inner city soon enough and the offensive odors will transition into more pleasurable scents like sizzling skewers, poignant spices, and upper class perfumes.

She finds herself a building to scale. Find might not be the best way to put it, she has found this building quite some time ago and it had quickly become her favorite with its rickety and rusty ladder and its crumbling smoke stacks. On the first week it had been something of a playground to her and she is still discovering little quirks and treasures within; new places to climb up or crawl into. Height, or lack there of gives her the ability to slip into all of those tight places. All the while it makes it harder for her to reach certain places, she has yet to reach the top of the tallest smoke stack. She has climbed it from the inside but it had eventually grown too tight even for her. From the outside, she can never quite stretch her arm far enough to reach a possible handhold. 

She promises herself that she will make it up there one day. For now she settles for climbing as high as she can.

From her new vantage point, she feels free. Free and above people she otherwise never would be. The inner city skyline glistens like gold or sunshine or something pretty and poetic, she never really has the right words for it. But it is splendid, a goal even higher and less reachable than getting to the top of the smokestack. Most opulantly of all is the palace palace. She spies it’s gleaming multi-tiered roof. Even without the sunlight to cast it in the most flattering light, it still sparkles and glints and outshines the rest of the city. 

By the time she shimmies her way down the smokestack her hands and clothes are as dirty and smudged as the palace is pristine. Her feet meet the floor with a dust-kicking thud. She wipes her hands on her pants and climbs back over the fence. She ought to make her way into the inner city before the sun can rise and spoil her fun. 

She makes it there with the ease and quickness that only familiarity and routine can provide. It still takes a good hour or so, but she has leaned the quick routes and the ones that take her past the street gangs and their drug trades. 

This is the trip that finally wears a hole in her shoe, just one more tatter among many. She guesses that that’s what her new job will get her first. The vendors almost never leave shoes, clothes, and jewelry unsurveyed. 

She ought not with her shoes growing battered, but she can’t resist scrambling up a pile of crates and discarded boards. She balances upon a beam that has yet to be thrown out. With luck, they will drop it off at the old industrial factory so that she can have more discarded war machines and parts to enjoy. She leaps from the beam to a balcony. It is always a risk to use the inner city balconies, sometimes they spot her. Granted she is too quick for them to catch her so she doesn’t fret it too much.

She worries over other things. And she can’t seem to outpace them no matter how many buildings she weaves in and out of. The thoughts follow her and the more she thinks on it, the less she feels she is suited for this new job. It had been such an impulse volunteering. She’s no good for it and the woman running the shop didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic to have an assistant. She can’t imagine that she’d be particularly hurt if she didn’t show. 

.oOo.

Mai inhales deeply. She shouldn’t be surprised that the woman hasn’t shown up. It was a joke or an attempt to blend in until whoever had it out for her had come to pass. Mai thinks that it is mostly her own fault for humoring the woman and then getting her hopes up. For putting her faith in someone who clearly takes few things seriously. But she has quite stupidly brought an excess of flowers under the impression that she’d be having help. 

She turns around and lifts the first few flower pots to be arranged and scoffs when she finds that one of them has broken, spilling dirt everywhere. She hears the shuffle of feet on cobblestone. “I’m not open yet.” She grumbles without averting her gaze from the mess. 

“‘S fine, I’m not here to buy anything. But I can clean that up for you, my hands are already dirty.”

“I didn’t think that you were going to show up.”

“Me neither.” She shrugs. She stoops down and begins pushing the dirt into a neat pile. 

“I have a broom.”

“And I have hands that work just fine.”

Mai rolls her eyes, “If that’s how you want to do it.” She shrugs. 

“It’s already done.” The woman declares. 

Mai looks at the woman’s dirty hands and sighs. “You’re going to have to clean them…”

The woman quirks a brow, rubs her hands on her pants, and lifts them up. 

“Close enough.” Mai grumbles. “Help me set this up.” She gestures to the flower pots. 

The woman nods. “I’m pretty good at arranging things.” 

“I usually put the poppy and violets in the front and…” 

The woman is already arranging them in her own way. “I think that these yellow ones look nice by these orange ones. Pinks also go nice with them. Like a sunset, ya know? And we should put the bright ones in front because they’ll draw more attention.” She moves a few deeply colored violets and poppy and switches them out for the dahlia, marigold, and fire lily.

“Ugg, the bright ones make me nauseous.” 

“But they make your customers notice the stall. See.” She points to a couple wandering near.

“I guess.” Mai shrugs before turning to her customers. For some time they mutter between themselves occasionally pointing at one flower or another. The woman seems to watch them with much more intensity than she ought. 

“I don’t know…” Says the man as he strokes his chin. His companion shuffles on her feet and shrugs. “Well what do you think she’d like?” He asks. 

His companion gives another shrug. “She’s your sister.”

Mai drums her fingers upon the counter, she wishes that people would decide what flowers to get before they approach her stall.

“What are the flower for?” The woman asks. 

“My sister just had a baby.” 

“Lilies!” The woman declares and picks up a potful of white lily. 

“Why lily?” Asks the man’s companion. 

“They’re soft and pretty like babies.”  The woman declares quite boldly. Mai rolls her eyes, much too boldly for something that sounds like improvisation. “Lilies are supposed to represent innocence.”

“Really?” The man asks. 

The woman nods. “Back in Hira’a I knew a woman who had a garden. She always said that lilies are pure, especially the white ones.” 

“What do you think?” The man’s companion asks.

Mai shrugs. “Yeah, lilies are soft and pure.”

“Sounds good to me.” The man passes her a few coins as the woman hands his partner the flowerpot. 

Mai watches them wander back into the crowd. Truthfully, she doesn’t think that she has ever gotten a customer so soon after opening. “Maybe you’re right about putting the bright flowers in front.” She admits. She also finds herself admitting that the woman reminds her of her aunt in a way, prattling about what characteristics each flower represents. 

“It’s all about presentation!” She declares. “You arrange them all nice and pretty and then you talk about what each one is supposed to mean, draws people right in.”

“Have you sold flowers before?”

She shakes her head. “I sold other things though. Rocks and trinkets, stuff I found laying around, and fireworks. Lots of fireworks.”  

So the woman is a scavenger. “I swear to Agni, if you’re one of those people who gets all crazy over shiny things, I’m gonna puke.” 

“Want me to get you an empty flowerpot?” 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I got lots of shiny things, see.” She pulls her necklace out from under her shirt. Each charm--though she uses charm quite loosely--is fixed on a thick rope cord. She sees a bent and slightly rusty spoon, a key, a few beads, a dull razor blade, and small shards of metal. The woman tucks it back under her shirt before she can pick out any more knick knacks. 

“Interesting.” 

“Thanks, I made it myself.”

Mai nods and folds her arms across her chest. “So you really don’t have a name?” 

“That’s right.” The woman nods. 

“Then what am I supposed to call you?” 

“Most people just say, ‘hey, you!’ or ‘streetrat!’ Mohi and her sons usually just tap me on the shoulder or something.” 

“Do you actually answer to streetrat?” 

“Sure. I don’t really care what people call me.” She gives a dismissive hand gesture. 

“I’m not going to call you that…” Mai trails off. Something in her stirs with discomfort or maybe bitterness on behalf of the woman. She’s much too energetic, disorganized, and somewhat grubby but she’s got determination and diligence. Truth be told, Mai thinks that she has an intelligence about her, one that might be lost on even she. “I don’t think that you’re a streetrat.”

She gives a hum. “Not entirely, no. Coulda been though.” She pauses. “You can name me if you want.”

Mai blinks, “you want me...to name you?”

“Sure, if that makes things easier.” 

“I can’t just come up with a name for you on the spot.”

“Sure you can, people do it all the time.” 

“Well I want to call you something that fits you.”

“How are you gonna decide what fits?”

“I guess it’ll come to me when I get to know you better.” 

Her eyes seem to light up. “I can take you to the industrial park after you close the shop.” 

“What?”

“Yeah, I don’t have much going on and Mohi doesn’t mind me going there as long as I come home first, ya know, so she knows that I’m not dead or something. She gets worried that the Iwaken are gonna get me.” She pauses. “So I’ll say hello to Mohi and then we can go to the industrial park.”

Mai very nearly groans; she hadn’t meant to talk her way into a spontaneous outing with a bizarre character, and at an probably dirty and shady industrial park of all places. She opens her mouth to decline but the woman is looking at her with such delight…

“I haven’t been able to make many friends since coming to Capital City, everyone is so uptight here.” 

This time Mai does groan. “Alright, fine. We can go to the industrial park.” She very well could suggest a trip to a restaurant or to a nature path or something of a more mundane variety. But Agni if she hasn’t been longing for a break from the monotony. Things have been rather drab without any national catastrophes and with TyLee having off with the Kyoshi warriors again. 

The woman flashes her a grin and Mai thinks that she might have just made the right decision. “We can always close early and…”

“Nice try. You have a full day of work ahead of you.”

Chapter Text

The anticipation had been steadily building. Building until the woman looked as though she were ready to burst with it. She decided that she could no longer put off going to that industrial park with her. And that is how she has come to find herself standing in the empty husk of a war-machine factory.

“Well, what do you think?” She asks with a wide sweeping gesture.

“I think that it’s...uh...abandoned.” Mai answers. 

She nods, “yup! I haven’t seen a soul here since I found it. I reckon that it’s mine. Ya know, ‘cept for that it isn’t actually mine. But I have it all to myself ‘cause no one else is using it.” 

“I can see that.” Mai says. 

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Do you like it?” 

Mai gives the place another all over scan. “It’s fine, I guess. I usually don’t got to abandoned factories and industrial parks.” She cringes when the woman’s face seems to fall. “Look, it’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that, you’re probably going to notice that I’m not enthusiastic about...things.” 

“Oh.” The woman mumbles. “Guess we’re opposites then. I think most things are exciting.” 

And maybe that’s the allure of this woman. That she takes joy in picking up a new thimble to toss on her pile of shiny things. Faintly, she wishes that she could be more like this woman. Perhaps life wouldn’t be so drab if the prospect of climbing over a rusty fence was thrilling. 

“You said that you were going to show me your collection?”

Her smile comes back, but not quite as full as her other grins from that morning.  Mai makes a promise to try to muster up at least some enthusiasm. “Follow me, it’s up here.” she says. She leaps onto a pile of discarded and rusting metal rafters. “It’s a bit of a climb.” Everything seems to be a bit of a climb with her and Mai has a sneaking suspicion that, that is exactly how she likes it. She leaps onto a rather perilously loose ladder. It shakes and shudders beneath her weight. Mai’s stomach lurches some, the higher that the woman ascends. The girl is so small and nimble, lanky; if that ladder is wobbly and unstable even under her, Mai can’t possibly see it withstanding her weight. 

“You coming!” The woman shouts down. Her voice echos about the building, bouncing from wall to wall in what must be the most bizarre display of acoustics she has ever heard from a building. 

“I don’t know. Could you bring it down here?”

The woman peeks her head out of the little annex that she has squeezed herself into. “Well, sher, I would ‘cept that there’s way too much.” 

Mai can already see her expression dimming further. She sighs, “I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Great. Jus’ be careful with rung five!” 

The corner of Mai’s mouth pulls back into a half grimace. “Rung five. Understood.” She mumbles. 

The ladder rocks and sways precariously as she makes her way upwards. She doesn’t think she has come across a ladder with this many rungs and sharp edges. Decidedly, this place is a death trap of rust and metallic decay. It is the sort of place that her mother and father alike would be horrified to find her in. And suddenly she is quite sure of her footing and quite thrilled to be her with this bizarre creature dressed in human skin.

Said creature extends an arm and helps Mai the rest of the way up. 

There are many descriptors that Mai could use to describe the glistening, glinting clutter all around her. But ‘nest’ is the most accurate. At first glimpse, ‘hoard’ came to mind. But ‘nest’ is definitely more befitting, right down to the carpet of straw that the woman has laid down, presumably a substitute for carpeting. It smells of sawdust and oil. And eroding metal, lots of eroding metal. 

Suddenly Mai is potently aware of why the woman always shows up to work with her face smudged and her clothing streaked. 

“So this is my special place. Even if they tear the place apart no one’ll find me in here. ‘S where I go when people come chasing after me.”

“Why do people chase after you?”

She hums, “lets just say that sometimes I find out some stuff weren’t trash.” She holds up a small silver brooch with gleaming rubies. 

Genuine rubies. 

“Why don’t you sell that?” 

“Cause I like it, that’s why.” She shrugs.

“You can buy so many meals with that.” 

“Or I could get a job at a flower stall and buy food that way.” She grins. “And I don’t even have to sell none of my treasures.” She gestures to a pile. A notably large pile. 

“How long did you say that you’ve been living in the capital.” 

“Two months.” 

“I take it that you started this stasch back in…”

“Hira’a. Yup!” She declares. “That pile right there is everything I brought from Hira’a.” She points to what has to be the smallest rubbish heap in the room. “Everything else ‘s from here.” 

Mai blinks. “H-how?” 

“I got lotsa time ‘n people here throw out lotsa stuff. Kinda wasteful.” She puts her hands on her hips. “But that’s just dandy for me. ‘Cause that means I get to bring it here.”

“Aren’t you worried that you’re going to get caught.” 

The woman shakes her head. “I don’t make mistakes often. Most of this really is stuff I found just lying on the ground...or stuff that people threw at me.” She holds up a well-loved ladle. “Like this. The lady weren’t all too happy when she caught me stealing one’a her bowls of soup.”

This gets a chuckle out of her. “So she threw a ladle at you?” 

“Mmhm. ‘N she was yelling at me to give it back. But I said it were mine ‘because she threw it to me.”

“There’s a difference between ‘at you’ and ‘to you’, you know that right?”

The woman shakes her head, “I’m just a dumb, dirty peasent, remember.” She flashes a goofy smile. 

A clever, crafty dumb peasent. “Well which ones are your favorites?” 

Her eyes light up. “Well I am fond of the ladle because I have great memories with it.” She carelessly tosses it over her shoulder and it clatters into a pile of dented pots and already broken plates. “But my favorites are from Hira’a ‘cause they have different discardings.”

“Discardings?” Mai quirks a brow.

“It ain’t trash.” 

“Got it.” She has managed to coax another small snigger. 

“I like these a lot.” She holds out her hands and waits for Mai to do the same before dropping a handful of colorful wooden beads and a few feathers into her palms. “I think that they used to be part of necklaces. A bunch’a different necklaces. See how this bead is shaped a little different than the others. And this one is more oblong than round.” 

“I think that I got it.” 

“And this one’s a little chipped. I like the plain ones the best.”

“The plain ones?”

She nods. “Yeah, because those are the ones where you can really feel the trees.”

“Feel...the trees? How do you know that those were made from trees and not bushes?”

“I can just tell.” She shrugs. “Forest things speak to me.” 

“Alright then…” 

“No really!” She declares. Mai fights to keep the skepticism off of her face and knows that she has failed when the woman’s eyes dim some and she changes the subject,  “I also got a bunch of colorful feathers and some bones!”

“What kinds?”

“Well this one’s from a paradise-peacock and this one’s from a humming-parrot!” 

“What about the bones?”

Mai doesn’t expect her to so readily and confidently answer, “these are fragments of a tiger-monkey spine and these are from mongoose-lizard. Most of them are fishbones though.” She looks around in a frantic sort of joy before declaring, “there they are!”

Mai looks at what she is holding. This time she is gushing over shells both bright and bone white. She also has a small bottle of sand and a prickly and dried urchin. 

“I take it that you found that yourself too?”

She nods. “Mohi lectured me for two hours about sea creature safety while the medicine lady was mixing me a remedy for the venom.” She puts her knick-knacks down and holds up a grubby hand. She lowers it to wipe it off before holding it up again to reveal a small puncture scar. 

“You are a strange and fascinating character.”

Chapter Text

Mai finds that very little intrigues her. By Agni, she better cling to this one. Even if this one has taken to chewing on flower petals. 

“What are you doing?”

She shrugs. “Ya know, I’ve been looking at these things all day but I never thought to taste them.”

Mai is quiet for a moment as she fights to finds words that can truly convey the level of perplexion and mild stress that this woman is inducing. “Because they aren’t meant to be eaten? You know that some flowers are poisonous, right?”

“Yeah, those.” She points to a pot of datura. “These are fine.” She stuffs another marigold petal into her mouth. 

Mai gawks at the woman. 

“People eat sunflower seeds all the time.” She shrugs. 

“Yeah, the seeds . Not the petals.” Her eyes widen as the woman holds up the marigold stem. She winks before setting it upon her tongue. “And  not the stems.” 

“I’m gonna start my own business!” She declares. “I’ll serve flower petals and stems. No seeds though, because there’s too much competition there.” 

“You’re a menace.” 

“That’s what Mohi says.” 

The woman leans up against the wooden counter and gazes out at the early morning crowd. She gives a little yawn and stretches her arms. The trinkets around her neck bob and clank about. 

“Snapdragon.” Mai says suddenly and plainly.

“What?”

“I’ll call you Snapdragon.” 

“Why?”

“You just…” Mai starts. “Something about you reminds me of snapdragons. A snap is fast and sudden, you’re impulsive and entered my life out of nowhere. Dragons are fierce and bold. It doesn’t get much bolder than willingly ascending a rickety ladder ever day. So I’ll call you snapdragon.”

“Snapdragon.” The woman tests it on her tongue. “I’ll take it!” She leans back again. “Say, can you pass me another sunflower.”

“It’s not time for your lunch break.” 

“I won’t eat this one, I promise.” 

.oOo.

Snapdragon. Snapdragon. Snapdragon. 

She has a name now! She grins. Someone values her enough to give her a name. She was certain that Mai had only said that she was waiting to find the right name so that she wouldn’t have to give her one. But she is Snapdragon now and Mai had actually put thought into the name. 

Snapdragon reaches the factory. Really, she ought to head home before Mohi starts to worry, but she finds that she is too antsy to just lay in bed. She thinks that it is an excited sort of jitter. The sort she usually only gets upon finding a new building to rummage through. 

And maybe it isn’t so different. Finding a new person is like scaling a new building; it is new and fresh. There’s unforgettable beauty and intrigue to be found and savored. A brand new view with lots of treasures to uncover. But there are twists and turns and hazards and she never knows where they are or when she will  find them. Mostly she finds them when she steps upon them and finds herself knocked on her ass. 

At least with buildings she knows somewhat, what kind of traps and alarms there might be and how to avoid tripping them. With people it isn’t so clear cut. One wrong word and she finds herself ducking under fists. 

She doesn’t see Mai is much of a swinger though. Decidedly she doesn’t think that Mai has many traps to set off even if she were. The woman is so calm and soothing. A strange and amazing, yet nerve-wracking break from the type of rugged company she usually keeps. 

Even alone in her factory, she finds her cheeks flushing. Not for the first time, she wonders why the woman is even bothering with her. Mai smells of the flowers she works with and of lavish perfumes. She speaks like one of the educated folk--likely she is one. And Snapdragon...she smells like rust and dirt and, on some days, coal. She picks around in the trash…

Fleetingly, she wishes that she could just give up her ridiculous collection and get a normal hobby the way Mohi wishes for her. How lovely it would be to be able to trade scavenging for firebending, maybe then Zenyul and Kaz wouldn’t have so much to jab at her for. 

She shuffles up the ladder to her hoard and she wonders how she could have thought something like that at all. It isn’t her fault that they can’t see what she does. It isn’t her fault that they only see broken things. 

“Aye!” Zenyul’s voice echos through the factory. “You up there somewhere?”  She hears footsteps. “Mohi said to come find you.” 

She scrambles further back into the crevice. 

“Alright, we’ll check the buildin’ over then.” Kaz calls. 

And she’ll beat them home. 

.oOo.

“You want to stay here and sell more flowers?” Mura asks.

“Is it that hard to believe?” 

“You were very hesitant about the crowd.” 

“I’ve gotten used to it.” She shrugs. “I know that it’s been doing your business a lot of good. Look.” She gestures to her growing heap of coins and gold pieces. “You can open a second location if I keep it up.”

“Things won’t be as busy without the festival.”  Mura points out. 

“But the center of the Capital still gets more traffic than our village.” 

“And where will you be staying? I hadn’t planned on paying for an inn past the festival days.”

“Zuko’s an...a jerk but he’ll let me stay at the palace if it helps the family.” 

Mura opens her mouth to speak. 

“His owes our family after what Tom-Tom went through.” 

“Mai, your father put us in a difficult position. It isn’t entirely on the Fire Lord. His sister…”

“Is the worst person I have ever encountered. Used my father to kidnap children and cause public outrage. Let the Avatar take Tom-Tom in Omashu. Used me to…” She sighs. “Look, I don’t care if it was her fault or his. He’s not much better and he owes me for being a dreadful boyfriend. He’ll let me stay in the palace.”

“Do you even want to?” Mura asks. “If you’re angry with The Firelord then why do you want to stay with him.” 

“I don’t want to stay with him. I want a place to stay.” Maybe she could just ask Snapdragon if she could stay with her and, whatever that woman’s name was. Spirits, she wouldn’t be entirely opposed to sleeping in that abandoned factory if the woman would keep her company. 

“Is this really about the flower shop?” Mura frowns. “Or is this about the Fire Lord?”

It is about neither.

It is about excitement.

It is about feeling alive.

It is about holding on to the one thing in her life that makes her feel something. At the very least, the one thing in her life that makes her feel as though she has a chance to feel something. “It’s about the flower shop.”

“Speak with the Fire Lord and let me know what he says. If he gives you a place to stay, I’ll have some product sent to the palace.”

Agni, she hopes that Snapdragon and her adventurous spirit are worth the hassle of opening old wounds. She supposes that at least she’ll feel something, even if that something isn’t particularly good. At least she’ll still have a reminder that she isn’t hollow.

Why can’t she just feel something?

Why is she still so empty?

Chapter Text

She hears Snapdragon before she sees her. That steady and familiar clank-clack of her necklace. Mai could swear that she has added more knick-knacks to it. Her eyes hone in on it for a moment. She wonders if maybe the woman swaps out which trinkets she wears around her neck every now and again, or maybe she simply has several of these necklaces. 

“No flowers today?” 

“I’m all out?” 

“All out?” 

“I was only planning on sticking around until the festival was over.”

Snapdragon’s brows crinkle. “But I thought…” She swallows. “Mohi’s gonna be mighty disappointed.” 

It dawns upon her that she had forgotten to mention that when she had offered the woman a job. “Stop looking at me like that, I’ve decided to stay.”

The woman seems to perk up again. Mai doesn’t think that she has ever seen someone’s eyes light up so brightly. 

“What made you decide to stay?” 

“I guess that I needed a little excitement in my life.”

“Oh. Where are ya gonna get that?”

Mai quirks a brow. Snapdragon points to herself and Mai nods. “I’ve never explored an abandoned industrial park before. My parents would kill me.”

“Where are you gonna be staying?”

“The palace.” 

“The palace. How did you manage to get room there?”

“I used to date the Fire Lord.” 

She blinks. 

“It’s a long story. It ends...not so well. But he owes me and my family so I’m staying there.”

“That’s incredible. I’ve never been in a palace. Unless you count the factory. Sometimes I call that my palace and I made myself this throne, I can show it to you one day.” She resembles. Mai folds her arms and gives a slight smile as she continues. “But an actual palace...maybe one day you can take me there!” 

“The flowers aren’t in yet so we have a few days off. I can take you there now, if you want. We can get you to the royal spa and wash some of this dirt off of your cheeks.” 

“It’s not dirt, it’s oil and grease.”

“Because that’s much better. Come on.” Just as she turns around she catches Snapdragon rubbing her cheek. The effort was valiant and well-intended but she has only spread the grime to her nose and the back of her hand.

Mai wonders if the woman will even take well to having a real bath.

.oOo.

Up close the palace is twice as thrilling with its spoked and multi-tiered roof. What a delight it would be to get the chance to shimmy her way up the side of it and leap from tier to tier. To grip those large golden spokes and find footholds in the windows and on the balconies. Of course, she wouldn’t trade her factory for it but the offer is pretty. 

It is only when she lingers in its shadow that it becomes so terribly daunting. It isn’t so much about it’s impressive, awestricking size as it is the promise of what waits for her inside. All of those glamorous people and their lavish lifestyles. Their clean faces and pristine manners.

“Come on.” Mai gives her a gentle nudge. 

She quietly follows her up the stairs. More stairs than she has ever ascended in her life. 

“Nervous?”

“Why do you say that?”

“You aren’t chattering my ears off.” 

“This isn’t nervous silence, it’s a...uh...it’s a happy hush.” 

“A happy hush?” Mai quirks a brow. For once her amusement is quite thinly veiled. “If you say so.”

Inside the palace is somehow more elegant than its grand exterior. Portraits and tapestries cover gold trimmed walls. Candles flicker in filigree wall holders fixed to many great pillars. Everything is huge, almost absurdly so. She wanders up to a vase and eyes it. She thinks that she can squirm her way into and stand within with her head only just peeking out of it. She makes off to try when Mai says, “I know what you’re thinking. Don’t you dare crawl into that pot.” 

Snapdragon frowns and scrambles to catch up with her. 

“You really like exploring, don’t you?”

She nods, “you should see the jungles of Hira’a. They were really fun to explore. I was found in a jungle, you know?” 

“That explains a lot.” 

They pass by several guards and servants. Their eyes seem to follow her. The unease works its way back in, pushing out her sense of adventure. She finds that the stares of the servants have nothing on the glances she receives when Mai leads her into the banquet hall. Around the table are what she can imagine are councilmen, esteemed generals, and noble folk. 

She had made a small effort to clean herself up today but she feels absolutely filthy amid all of them. They all smell so pleasantly and there isn’t a smudge of mud on them at all. Not on their finery and certainly not on their skin. 

Her tummy turns with flutters and queasiness.

“It’s alright.” Mai assures her. 

“I don’t think I fit in well with this lot.” 

The murmur as Mai leads her past them and she finds herself sticking close to the woman. 

“Hi, Mai.” The Fire Lord greets. 

“Zuko.” Mai returns the greeting. 

“Who is this?” 

“Just call her Snapdragon. You’ll understand if you talk to her more.” She pauses. “She wanted to see the palace so I’m giving her the tour and taking her to the spa.” 

“Please do.” Comments a man near the far end of the table. “She smells of industrial waste.”

“She smells like an alley dweller.” 

Snapdragon stuffs her hands into her pockets and tries to focus on something else. Something like the food. She has never seen so much of it in one place. She thinks that they have everything here; teeming blows of various and colorful fruits, plump roast duck, cabbage stew, miso soup, and plenty of noodles. And it all smells so enticing--unlike her, apparently. 

“If you want to take her there you can and then you can join us for dinner. She can wear one of Azula’s outfits.” 

At least some jubilance returns to her. She’s going to get to taste the delightfully scented food. Not only is she going to eat lavishly but she will get to do it in comfortable robes. 

“This way.” Mai beckons. 

The room she finds herself in next is also amazing. The dragon reliefs jutting from the backmost wall gleam in the sunlight that pours through a wide slit on the ceiling. There are plenty of shiny things in here. Glass bottles in many shapes and sizes, golden combs and brushes, a few small sculptures, and these little polished stones that accent the corners of each table. Snapdragon looks to the left and to the right before swiping one of the empty bottles and a polished stone. 

“How are you not in jail?”

“I take worthless stuff, I don’t get caught, ‘n you don’t tattle.” 

“You can keep the bottle, they won’t miss that. But, remember when you told me that sometimes you find stuff that isn’t trash and so people chase you?”

She nods.

“The stones aren’t trash. They’re rare gems and you will get chased.” She swipes the gemstone back and puts it at the corner of the table. “By the palace guard.” 

Snapdragon rubs the back of her head. “I’ll just keep the bottle.” She sits herself down and leans back. The chair isn’t exactly comfortable and the sink is cool on her neck. Though it becomes significantly more pleasant when the servants arrive and begin scrubbing shampoo into her hair. Yet it is still so jarring to find herself being spoiled like this. And she still has a bath waiting for her. They are surprisingly gentle when working the more matted knots out of her hair. A few times they cut the knots out entirely. They finish washing her hair and sit her up. She didn’t realize that she’d be getting a haircut. 

“There were a lot of knots that we couldn’t work with.” One of the servants apologizes softly. “We’re going to cut your hair and make it even.” 

She stammers out a word or two of consent and by the time that they are done with her, her head feels so much lighter. 

“I’ll show you to your bath.” 

She follows the girl to the bathroom and slips out of her dirty robe. Once she gets herself situated the servant offers smiles, “would you like me to?”

“Like you to what?” 

The girl laughs. “Give you a scrub.” She gently rubs the soap against Snapdragon’s shoulder. “Some nobles enjoy not having to do any of the work. The princess let us soap her back and arms but preferred to do the rest herself.” 

“Oh…” she replies. “I’ll do it myself.” It is one thing to lounge in the communal bath and another entirely to let someone get that touchy.”

The girl hands her the bar of soap. “When you are done with it you can hand it back.” She gestures to another girl. “And when you are ready to get out Yora has your towel ready. 

Snapdragon nods. She hadn’t realized that bathing was such a complex ritual. 

“Try to relax.” Yora says. “We’re here to make bath time more leisurely for you.” 

She supposes that it is nice to not have to scamper around for a towel and a change of clothes. She sinks into the tub and scrubs away at her arms until the water is dirtied. They drain it and fill it again until it comes away crystal clear. A floral aroma rises in languid curls of steam and she feels herself drifting off. She ought to savor the comfort because she probably won’t get a chance like this again.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Mai calls into the room. 

The reminder leaves her belly rumbling so she gestures for the towel. She wraps it around her body and Yora pats her hair dry with a second one. The first serving girl hands her the most elegant robes. 

.oOo.

She looks rather lovely. Well groomed and without that layer of, Snapdragon is rather pretty. Her eyes are wide and bright. Her freckled and soft. If not for the gaps in her teeth and her gangly limbs, she could very well pass for nobility. 

That is until she actually takes her seat and begins eating. She doesn’t do it with the poise that the rest of them do. In fact she is a fast eater and she doesn’t bother with silverware nor chopsticks. Not even with the soups. She makes her way through the platters eating only bits and pieces, as though she can’t decide what to eat. And Mai think that, that is just it. She has so many options that she doesn’t know which to choose. Her innocent curiosity is almost endearing. If only she had some table manners. 

At last Snapdragon seems to find a favorite and focuses on a helping of roast duck. 

“Very good.” She says between mouthfuls.

 Mai’s face flushes for her. The woman is clearly blessed with obliviousness and with her focus entirely on enjoying her meal she is spared the weight of a roomful of judging glowers. The only other person who doesn’t openly gawk at her is Zuko, who makes an effort to look away. She guesses that he understands what it is like to be spellbound and captured by the grandeur of the palace and its spoils. 

Mai taps her and Snapdragon looks up from her roast duck. “You might want to slow down, you’re going to make yourself sick.”

And the ignorance is gone. Her face flushes. “They’re all staring at me.”

Mai grimaces. “Yeah. That too.” 

She has to admire the woman’s resilience. She finishes her roast duck and a bowl of miso soup in spite of the disgusted stares. She helps herself to a small dessert as well--a bite or two of mochi--before setting it down. 

.oOo.

Snapdragon leans back in her chair. She doesn’t think that she has ever been this full in her life. She certainly didn’t realize that being so full could ache like being completely empty. Though it is a much different kind of ache. A more sluggish, heavy ache. She supposes that it beats the painful, yearning kind. 

“You feel nauseous, don’t you?” Mai rolls her eyes. “I told you to slow down.” 

“I never get this much at Mohi’s place. I wanted to try…”

“A bit of everything.” Mai nods. “I can bring you back here again, you know.”

She surveys the table. Many of the nobles are pushing in their chairs and shooting her begrudging parting glances. “Do you think that’sa good idea?”

Mai shrugs. “Who cares. Honestly, I think that this place could use someone like you. It wouldn’t be so dull and uptight if everyone here wasn’t so…”

“If they didn’t act like someone shoved a prickly pear up their...”

Mai chuckles before cutting her off. “I was going to say rigid. But, yeah, that too.” 

Snapdragon folds her arms across her chest. 

“You got some sauce on your face.” She dabs at the corner of the woman’s mouth. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“I can’t stay here. Mohi gets worried. She ain’t say it but I know she does.” 

“Alright, I’ll let Zuko know that I’m taking you home.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t recommend that. Jus’ let me go, the streets ‘round Mohi’s ain’t nice at night.” 

“Then I’ll tell Zuko to loan you a pellinquin.” 

“I can walk by myself, I’m used to it. One time I took down three muggers, I only got one black eye and my nose was really swollen and…”

“I’ll also bring a few guards along.”

.oOo.

“Are you sure that you want to leave? If you want you can stay in the palace with Mai.” Zuko offers.

“I’m sure.” Snapdragon nods. “I like being in my nest.”

“Your nest?”

“Don’t get her started on that, Zuko.”

“It isn’t any trouble. I think that it would be nice to have you around a little longer.”

“Uh...no thanks.” Snapdragon murmurs. “I’ll come back with Mai some time.” 

“The nobles were making you uncomfortable, weren’t they? They’re usually not around.”

“I don’t think I belong in a palace.” Snapdragon says. “It’s easier out there, you know what’s goin’ on in people's heads. Nobles like to be all secretive and slick. That’s what Mohi says. In the streets you get punched in the face and then you know who to look out for. You never know who hates you in a place like this.” She takes a breath. “I mean I do ‘cause I guess that I’m such a freak that they couldn’t hide how they felt.”

“You’re not a freak, Snapdragon.” Mai sighs. “All of these people have decades of etiquette training. Do you know how hard they drill this stuff into your head? If you ask me, that’s what’s freaky.” 

“Did they drill it into your head?”

Mai sighs, “why do you think I’m so…” she gives Zuko a pointed stare. “Blah.” 

“You ain’t blah.”

“Thanks.” She mutters. “Can you loan us that pellinquin now, Zuko.” 

He inhales sharply. “I’ll get a few guards to accompany you.”

“Do you want to come back here some time?” Mai askes. “Or have you been traumatized.” 

“I don’t really like the folks here but…” She holds a hand to her tummy, “the food is great and,” she runs her fingers through her hair, “it’s nice to be all clean. Jasmine smells nice.” 

“How about this, I’ll tomorrow I’ll meet you at the factory and I can teach you some palace etiquette.” 

“I still wanna be in my nest.”

“We can converse in the palace gardens and in your factory. Don’t you want to explore a new place.”

Snapdragon nods. 

Mai takes just a moment to wonder just what she is getting herself into. But, Agni, the woman had been so delighted when she stepped into the palace. She supposes that Snapdragon will be worth the hassle of...of dealing with Snapdragon. Mai’s lips quirk up into a slight smile. “Alright, let’s get you back to Mohi’s.”

Chapter Text

Snapdragon feels all warm inside. She hasn’t had fresh bread since she’d left Hira’a. It is still warm and it melts like butter on her tongue. It tastes like butter to. She decides that, after her collection of shiny things, palace food is her favorite thing. She dangles her legs over the beam and lets the breeze play with her hair. 

“Can you scramble back in here?” Mai asks. “You’re stressing me out.” 

“Why?” 

“Aren’t you afraid that you’re going to fall?”

Snapdragon looks down. It wouldn’t exactly be a nice fall, the rubbish beneath the beam is mostly metal bits and blades from old war and industrial machines. But if she looks down in a different direction she can see a beach and a lovely sprawl of houses. “I like it up here.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

She shakes her head. “Nope, I ain’t afraid. I been up here so many times. It’s nice. You should come up here.” 

“No thanks.” She replies. “I don’t really care for heights.” 

Snapdragon shrugs. “Suit yourself. I like heights though. You get to be above everyone and usually no one can get to you so it’s peaceful.”

“Yeah, until you misstep.” Mai shudders.

“That’s why you practice down there first.” She points to a small stack of crates and a brick wall. “If you do it wrong you get scrapes and bruises…”

“And broken bones?”

“Only once!” Snapdragon declares. She holes out her arm and shows the woman another scar. “It weren’t so bad.” She taps her chin, “But Mohi says that’s only because I passed out ‘n so I couldn’t feel it.”

“You are not helping me like heights any better.” 

Snapdragon scrambles her way back across the beam and into her nest. “Have the flowers come in yet?”

Mai shakes her head. “They’re being delivered on a boat, it’s going to take a while.” 

Her eyes light up, “so since we have time, will you go trinket hunting with me?”

“I was actually hoping that you’d tell me a story.” 

“I like telling stories. What kind do you wanna here.”

“When we were at the palace, you said that you were found in a jungle.” 

Snapdragon nods. 

“What did you mean by that?” 

“I meant that I was found in a jungle. I think that I was born there.” She pauses. “I don’t really remember it much. I forgot a lotta things.” She thinks for a moment. “But Mohi can tell you! Can I introduce you to Mohi?” 

.oOo.

Mai isn’t sure that she wants to meet this Mohi woman. But Snapdragon is all to enthusiastic for her to turn the woman down. Anyways, she is rather curious about the woman’s origin story. And so she stands before a rundown little shack with lopsided shudders and a roof full of holes and cracks. 

Snapdragon gives the door several knocks. 

“C’mon in.” Calls a voice. “’S open, ya know that by now, girl.” 

“Mohi, I brought someone for you to meet!”

“Tha flowa lady?” 

The inside of the shack smells like cooking oil and scorched meat. She half expects an elephant-rat or a roach to crawl out of one of the cracks in the stained wall. But other than a clutter of clothes, old kitchenware, and some scattered scrolls the place is fairly clean. Cleaner than the decrepit exterior had hinted. She removes her shoes and sets them upon the mat by the door.

“Ya have to excuse tha mess. I tol’ tha boys to help me clean it but they’ve been blowing that off for firebendin’ and this one…” she gestures at Snapdragon, “keeps bringin’ junk home.” 

“It ain’t junk, Mohi!” 

“Then wha’s this?” She holds up some sort of metal plank. Perhaps a broken rafter or the blade of a propeller. 

“I dunno.” Snapdragon admits. “I just thought it were neat.” 

Mohi sets it aside with an audible groan. “She jus’ tosses things on tha floor. Makes more work for her motha.” 

“I’m gonna pick ‘em up.” 

“You’re her mother?”

“In a manner’a speakin’.” Mohi returns to her chopping block. She slices a carrot twice more and then adds, “I don’t suppose she’s gone ‘n tol’ ya that I foun’ ‘er in the jungle one night.” 

“She mentioned it.” Mai sits down.

“That’s what we’re here for, Mohi!” Snapdragon declares. “I was hoping you could tell her the story.”

“Let me jus’ finish wit these carrots. Maybe ya could help me wit ‘em. Or ya can start on the potatoes?” 

Snapdragon picks up a knife and a potato. 

“Ken ya cook?” Mohi asks. 

“Not very well.” Mai admits.

Mohi nods. “She was tellin’ me that ya is one’a tha uppa class ladies.” She gives the carrot another chop. The knife clomps on the cutting board. 

“I am.” Mai replies. “But I don’t mind giving this a try. It beats…” sitting in the palace with Zuko, enduring his awkward attempts to clear the air. “It beats home life.” 

“Aye. Then grab’a board ‘n a turnip. I’ll tell ya a story while we choppin’.”

“Leave the roots for me.” Snapdragon says. 

.oOo.

The night held a sweltering humidity. Moonless, cloudless, the sky was an uninterrupted canvas of stars. And the hog-monkies screeched while the toad-squirrels chittered and croaked and the crickets droned on and on.

A middle aged woman tended to her garden, to the night blooming flowers, watching the flutterbats swoop down overhead. Mohi much preferred to do her gardening at night, safe from the sun’s hottest glares, safe from forced small talk with passing neighbors, and safe from the neediness of her sons--at least until the next morning. 

She thought that it was boundlessly more pleasant to do yard work with fireflies for company. She’d seen far less spider-wasps too. 

That night, the fireflies were particularly active, dancing in clouds like a current through the sea. She stooped down to pluck an iris. She tried not to look at the treeline, lately the jungle had been acting mighty strange. It glowed and it sang. It hummed with spirit energy, too much for her comfort. And more of it than she had seen in decades. It wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, but she has always thought that it was best to just leave the spirits to themselves. Of the dark or light, they could coexist side by side, never interacting, only quietly crossing the paths of one another. 

And so she had maintained peace. 

Peace, a bountiful garden and sugarcane field, and a family in good health. It was a lifestyle she could never trade. How could she give up waking up to the smell of sugarcane, bamboo, and wildflower every morning? How could she give up morning strolls into town to trade her sugarcane for fish and to watch a good theater performance with her boys? 

Life was well. Life was prosperous. Life was everything she could have hoped for and she was almost certain that she owed it to the respect and care she had put into a land that is so close to the world of the Spirits. 

And so when the spirits tossed her a young woman, she couldn’t bring herself to throw her back into the jungle. The poor thing stood at the treeline, dirty and scraggly haired. Mohi almost hadn’t noticed her. She wouldn’t have if not for the fireflies. They had all paused, going dark for a good while before lighting up again collectively in a spiral around the young woman. 

Spirit energy radiated from her, the woman’s very skin hummed with it when Mohi took her hand. Quickly, instinctively, the young woman jerked her hand away with a snarl and ducked back into the jungle. 

Mohi was inclined to let her return to the jungle from which she emerged. But she was human. Only human. And Mohi thought that she must have gotten lost out there and for a very long time. Such a long time that human contact had become foreign. 

Or maybe she had never had it at all. Mohi was well aware of the parents who’d abandoned their unwanted or unplanned children in the jungle. 

“C’mon chil’, let’s get ya inside. ‘S nice inside.” She’d tried coaxing the woman. 

She’d retreated deeper into the jungle and deeper still until Mohi had lost sight of her and was willing to venture no further. But she returned the next night and the night after. And six moons from then she caught the woman eating an unripe and raw pineapple. 

She’d coaxed her into the house with a sweetly smelling fruit basket. She’d disappeared again in the middle of the night. The jungle had grown quiet, the spirit activity seeming to cease. And just when Mohi thought that the girl was gone for good, Kaz had come running into the house complaining of a naked lady in their sugarcane field. 

That day Mohi hadn’t taken any protest, and spirits did the woman put up a fuss. By sunset, she had the girl bathed, clothed, and seething with a feral brand of rage. Decidedly she would teach the woman some manners. 

It would be quite some time before she would be able to leave the woman alone, mostly Zenyul would watch her when Mohi couldn’t. And it would be much longer before she could take the woman out in public.

But when the woman finally began speaking in something other than grunts and clicks, it was a natural process. As though blockage had been cleared from a creek, speech had returned to her. Mohi had grown certain that the woman had gotten herself well and lost in that jungle, she only had to help her remember the civilized world she had once been a part of. 

Her speech had been broken at first, hard to understand but she was getting there.

And then she’d gotten there.

Mostly, Mohi could forget that she had found the woman in the jungle. Mostly she was like everyone else, well groomed, clothed, and only somewhat less than well spoken. 

Mostly, Mohi could return to her usual day to day endeavors. To the life she adored and cherished so well. 

It was a nice home, a nice standard of living.

If only the girl hadn’t had such wandering, thieving fingers. 

If only the girl wasn’t prone to bouts of mischief and troublemaking.

If only the jungle didn’t drive the girl mad on nights when the moon was new.

It was a lifestyle she could never give up, and yet for the sake of this woman whom the spirits gifted her, she’d leave it behind.

Leave it behind for a run down shack in the unpleasantly smelling outskirts of a city much too grand for her tastes. 

.oOo.

Mai supposes that it makes sense; Snapdragon’s mannerisms and her taking comfort in nests and shiny things. 

“Did you like her?”

“Hmm?” Mai asks. 

“Mohi. Did you like Mohi?” 

Mai nods, “she seems like a nice woman. She takes cares a lot about you.” She wishes that her mother were as invested in her well being as Mohi is in Snapdragon’s. 

Snapdragon is quiet for a long while and Mai grows uncomfortable under the cloud of silence. “What’s wrong?” She finally asks. “And don’t try to tell me that this is a happy hush.” 

Snapdragon laughs but only briefly before her smile fades. “You think it’s weird, don’t you.” 

“That you used to run naked through the jungle and eat raw pineapples?” 

Snapdragon nods. 

“I thought it was weird to watch you eat a whole sunflower and then scamper up and into your nest.”

Snapdragon frowns. 

“I’m looking for strange.” Mai confesses. “Everything is so boring, Snapdragon! It’s the same thing every day; I would wake up and go to some council meeting with my dad or with Zuko when I was his girlfriend. I would have a nice meal and warm bath--rose scented soap every time. Sometimes I’d go for walks or talk with the other ladies in the palace. I used to talk to TyLee and that was interesting but then she left to join the Kyoshi Warriors and it was just me, Aunt Mura, Tom-Tom, and that flower shop. And then it was even more of the same routine every day.” She pauses. “And then you invited yourself to work at my stall.”

Snapdragon curls her bangs around her finger. “I thought that…”

“Everything was just starting to blend together one really long dull day that never ended. I can tell the difference now.” Mai says. “It’s not boring. You make me feel things because you’re weird. I wish more people around here would just be bizarre and unpredictable. I wish I could scramble up a tower and surround myself with random items.”

“You can.” Snapdragon smiles. “You can visit my nest even if I’m not around. Just don’t break anything.” 

“That’s not the point, Snapdragon.” Mai says. “The point is; I know that you’re weird and I want you to keep doing that.” 

She needs her to keep doing that. Maybe if she does, she can start to break the monotony on her own. 

“Keep doin’ what?”

“Hoarding your knick knacks and eating more questionable parts of plants.” 

Snapdragon nods, “I can do that.” She fidgets with her metal propeller blade. “I have to drop this off. Will you spend the night with me? I never had a sleepover before.” 

Mai thinks of her comfortable bed in the security of the palace. She really ought to go there. But she is casting normalcy to the side now, doing the things that her mother would likely disown her for. “And I’ve never slept in an abandoned factory before.”

“It’s really nice ‘cept for when it’s windy and the breezes get in the air ducts and it makes these spooky noises. And sometimes…” 

“Let’s just get to the factory before I have second thoughts.”

Chapter Text

Mai hasn’t stopped by yet, Snapdragon supposes that it is just as well, she hasn’t finished her gift yet. It is quite simple but she is still proud of it. She hopes that Mai will enjoy it as much as she is thrilled to be making it. 

So far the necklace has six charms, a very vividly colored paradise-peacock feather, a small elephant-rat paw bone, a naturally polished and very shiny stone with a hole in it, an aged fork, a clam shell, and one of several old coins that she had found buried in the jungles of Hira’a. 

She thinks that the cord can hole at least one more trinket and a few beads. She scampers through her piles sorting through ribbons, thimbles, and empty bobbins. She inspects shards of glass before ultimately deciding that those are all too pointy to wear around the neck. She picks up a crab claw and puts it on its own pile, a candidate for being the final trinket. She finds her collection of beads and plucks out a few black and dark red ones, Mai seems to enjoy the gloomier shades. 

She scrambles over to her plant specimens. Mostly they consist of interestingly shaped twigs but there are several dried leaves, petals, and roots. She thinks that the leaves and petals are too frail to be threaded onto the cord. But the roots, those might very well work. 

And they would make sense too. Mai works with flowers and plants so the necklace should have at least something to represent that. Snapdragon’s current necklace represents her. 

She feels it against her chest. It has at least eight charms, a few of them don’t mean anything in particular to her. But she has recently added snapdragon roots between the tiger-monkey claw and her a dusty, broken geode. A tiger-monkey claw for her fierceness and her love of climbing and a rusty cog for her love of old factories and abandoned places. There is a coconut chip to remind her of her days in the jungle and a blunt tip of a broken dagger. She isn’t entirely sure about the geode but it speaks to her on some level. The coins, beads, and the piece of tattered red cloth are more for show than anything else. 

She twirls the root in her hand before ultimately deciding that they will be the perfect final addition to her necklace. She ties it onto the cord with a satisfied smile and holds it up. It is perfect, an asymmetrical cluster of things that don’t seem like they should go together. But they are harmonized in their chaos. 

Her smile fades, she isn’t sure that Mai would like to wear something so odd. Especially in a palace full of watching, judging eyes. She supposes that it’s okay if she only wears it around her and then takes it off when she gets to the palace.

.oOo.

It is raining quite heavily but Mai doesn’t particularly care. The pounding of the drops drowns out the angry beating in her mind. Zuko is being unbearable. Everything is an argument, everything is taken so personally. And she doesn’t care for that Jin girl that he has been bringing around. 

She can’t quite place it at first but she thinks that it might be a twinge of jealousy one that she wishes she could permanently purge. She isn’t sure why she is jealous, she has made it clear that things were over between the two of them. And yet she can’t shake that nagging sense that it should be she who is going to be attending Ember Island Players shows with him. That was their thing and now their thing is being shared with some ditzy, doe-eyed, air headed…

Mai tightens her fists in her pockets. Small puddles are gathering uncomfortably in the folds of her robes and she has no one to blame but herself. Why does Snapdragon’s factory have to be at the very other side of the city?

Why did she neglect getting herself a palanquin ride?  Zuko probably wouldn’t have let her borrow one anyhow. Not mid-squabble. 

Her feet slosh through puddle after puddle, soaking through to her socks. She shudders, there is no greater discomfort. No greater suffering. 

But at least she isn’t bored. 

She finds Snapdragon, also soaked thoroughly, leaping from puddle to puddle. She, unlike Mai herself, seems absolutely delighted to be dripping wet. She hasn’t yet noticed mai. Even in the misty gloom, Snapdragon is a splash of color. The necklace she wears today is particularly flashy as it clanks against her chest. Mai is inclined to believe that she has chosen it specifically to stand out in the drabness. 

“I’m glad that you’re having fun.”

Snapdragon comes to an abrupt halt, kicking up a splash of oily mud. “I like rainy days sometimes.”

“You would enjoy playing around in the mud.”

“It’s too slick for climbing ‘n jumping on roofs today.” Snapdragon shrugs. “So I’m pretending that the puddles are roofs ‘stead.” 

“Interesting.” Mai remarks stoically. 

“I ain’t realize you liked walks in the rain.”

“I don’t.”

Snapdragon tilts her head, “then why are you walking in the rain?” 

She shakes her head, “just...don’t worry about it. Can we go inside, I need to wring my clothes and hair out.”

Snapdragon flounces over to the door and holds it open, “after you, hotwoman.” 

Mai rolls her eyes. Normally it would be enduring, today she just finds herself annoyed by the woman’s uppity antics. She sighs and gives her hair an overly forceful twist and squeeze. She can’t let herself take her frustrations out on Snapdragon. The girl has been nothing but pleasant. 

“Hey, stay right there! I gotta go get something!” 

She doesn’t give Mai a chance to answer before darting off and scrambling up her rickety ladder. It is probably a good thing, she very well might have muttered a harsh, ‘where else am I going to go, Snapdragon?’ Mai rubs her hands over her face. Maybe she should try to lighten the mood. Maybe she should try to drink in some of the delight that Snapdragon radiates.

The girl comes back down with another one of her gaudy necklaces. She is beaming from ear to ear. “What do you think?” 

Mai inspects the jewelry. “It’s...uh...it’s unique. Very you.” 

“I was trying to make it more you.” She holds it out. “See, the roots are supposed to represent your flower shop.” 

Mai tries to muster up a smile but it probably looks more like a grimace. 

“It’s for you.” She retracts her hand slightly and thrusts it out again. 

Mai takes a deep breath and tries for a joke, “I don’t know if I can pull off a trash necklace.” 

Maybe it is her deadpan delivery, or maybe she has simply uncovered and hit some hidden raw spot, but Snapdragon’s face falls. Mai could slap herself. “No, no. I mean it’s a cool necklace, I like it. I just wanted to make a joke.” 

Snapdragon forces a laugh. 

She doesn’t try to hand the necklace to her again. 

“You’re not going to offer it again?”

“It’s alright, Mai, you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.” She forces a smile. 

“I do want to.” She holds her hand out. Snapdragon sets the necklace in her palm. Mai tries to make small talk with her but she mostly answers with simple yes or no’s while toying with the charms on her own necklace. 

And Mai considers that maybe Zuko isn’t the problem at all. Maybe it is her. She does have this amazing ability to drag everyone down instead of allowing them to lift her up. It always happens eventually. 

She wishes that she weren’t so unremarkable.

.oOo.

By dusk the rain comes to a slow. After an hour or so of getting nowhere in conversation, Mai had declared that it would probably be best to make her way back home before it gets dark and the second round of storm clouds roll in. 

She can see them lingeringly darkly on the horizon as she scuttles her way over a heap of wooden beams and crates and shimmies up the husk of an old war tank. She squeezes herself into the hatch and slips behind the wheel. She imagines the war machine roaring to life in a cough of black smoke. Imagines the raw power of it. Imagines being something more than just some downtrodden alley dweller. Maybe then Mai wouldn’t be embarrassed by her. 

Maybe then, she’d have a chance with the woman. 

Her gift was accepted out of pity and nothing more, she knows that Mai is just going to chuck the necklace aside when she gets back to the palace and pretend like she has no idea where it had come from. 

Snapdragon gives the rusty metal wheel a turn. 

Maybe if she spent less time lurking in abandoned places, people wouldn’t abandon affections for her. She supposes that it is hard to love someone who is constantly covered in dust and grime. All the same, she loves her hobby, she can’t really see herself without it.

She finds a little corner of the tank to curl herself up in and wait out the storm. It comes suddenly and with a surprising fury. From the sound of it, the drops are thick as they pelt the side of the tank. And the thunder shakes the ground. It is probably a horrid idea to hole up in a metal tank so she hustles out of it and into the rain. 

The puddles are no fun anymore and the rain throws itself violently into her face. She thinks of going into the factory but it is entirely metal too. The lightning strikes it over and over again with a terrifying fury. And yet it manages to stand on, powerful and admirable. She thinks that it is what keeps her safe from getting struck; the lightning is so enticed by it that it doesn’t bother with her as she heads towards Mohi’s home. 

The wind lashes at her with a fury and she wonders if and hopes that Mai has made it home. 

Maybe if she were a shaper, smarter, noblewoman she would have thought to offer letting Mai stay with her at Mohi’s. Would have walked there with her a while ago. 

But she isn’t smarter. She isn’t a noble woman. 

But she isn’t anything grander than what she is now. Isn’t anyone impressive. She’s just Snapdragon, a girl who doesn’t even have a real name.

Chapter Text

Mohi knocks on her door for the fifth time that morning. “C’mon now, girl ‘s time to git brek’fes.” 

Snapdragon buries her face further into the pillow and bunches her fingers up in its ratty cloth. “I don’ wanna, Mohi.” She doesn’t want breakfast or lunch or dinner or to go to her factory or to do anything at all. She just wants to lay down with her cheek pressed against the pillow. 

“Kaz says ya come in las’ night all soakin’ wet.” Mohi calls through the door. “Ya catch sickness out there?” 

“Maybe.” She lies. “I don’t feel so good.” And she doesn’t, but it isn’t a matter of sickness so much as a tummy tickling sorrow. She bunches herself into a little ball. She had finally found someone willing to tolerate her odder quirks and she’d managed to push too far.

She should have known better than to try to push those quirks on someone who isn’t quite interested. 

She forces herself out of bed and makes her way out into the backyard. Zenyul and Kaz are already out there, sloshing through puddles and mud as they show off their bending. It would be mighty nice to join them. She doesn’t much feel up for a trip to her factory today. Maybe they can teach her to fight; even if she can’t bend it would still be nice to pick up a normal hobby. Maybe if she does that, she can have someone nice like Mai. 

Snapdragon ducks back inside and removes her necklace. She gives the thing one last look over. It doesn’t seem so pretty now. She drops it in with the rest of the trash and wanders back outside. 

“Zenyul, Kaz, I want you to teach me to do that stuff!”

The boys take pauses. 

“I thought ya said ya couldn’t bend?” Zenyul cocks his head.

“Anyways, don’t you have a building to scramble up?” Kaz asks. 

Her face grows hot. “I decided I’m done doin’ that. I wanna learn to…” She gives her best imitation of their bending. 

“Yer serious?” Zenyul asks. 

Snapdragon gives a firm nod, expecting to be met with a similar one. Instead Kaz bursts out laughing, “you can’t bend.”

“But I can do all’a them jumps ‘n flips, I do it all the time when I’m explorin’ the city.” Her face grows redder still. 

“Ya need fire ta firebend.” Zenyul quirks a brow. 

“Fine, ferget it.” She bunches her fists and kicks the nearest rock. She’ll teach herself to do those silly tricks. She’ll be better than Zenyul and Kaz both. She doesn’t even have fire but somehow she’ll manage it. 

.oOo.

Mai supposes that nervousness beats boredom. She doesn’t fancy walking in this part of Capital City alone. And she isn’t sure that Mohi will take well to seeing her at her doorstep after upsetting Snapdragon so thoroughly. 

She gives the door a quick knock. She hears the unlatching of a bolt and the turning of a lock. Mohi lumbers over her. Silently. Overbearingly silently. 

“I’d like to speak with Snapdragon.” 

Mohi’s eyes narrow. “She been sulkin’ all day ‘n nite coz’a ya.”

“It was a misunderstanding, I assure you.” Mai replies carefully. Perhaps more carefully than is needed. 

The woman has a bladed stare that bears a likeness to the sharpness of the knives tucked under Mai’s own sleeves. “Some misunda’standin’. Talk ta ‘er, but if ya make thin’s worse…”

“I won’t make things worse.” She promises. “Is she in her room?”

“She out back.” Mohi gestures.

Mai slips outside to find Snapdragon throwing kicks and punches at the air. Every now and then she stops to observe Zenyul and Kaz. It would seem that she is trying to bend. Her face scrunches up and she throws another punch.

“Hey.” Mai greets lamely. 

Snapdragon jerks before turning around. She forces a smile. “Oh hi, Mai.” 

“Don’t look at me like that.” It is somehow worse than Mohi’s glower. She can still feel it on her back, burning into her. She steals a peek over her shoulder and catches Mohi lingering at the window. “I’m here to ask you if you wanted to go out for dinner. I know how much you loved the palace food.”

Snapdragon tilts her head.

“And it just so happens that I have a new necklace that...well it doesn’t go with any outfit I own but I still wanted to wear it.” 

She holds up that ridiculous trash necklace. 

Now Snapdragon is beaming from ear to ear, a true picture of delight. Her eyes light up and it as if she has been jolted with a shock of energy; she grabs Mai’s hand, “come with me to the factory and help me find something to wear!”

She tugs Mai past Mohi. 

“Where’s yours?” Mai asks with a gesture to her own accessory. 

“Oh, I, uh…”

She hears a clacking from behind. “‘S right here.” She holds out the necklace. 

Snapdragon takes it from the woman’s hand and puts it around her neck. 

“That was in the garbage.” Mai points out.

“That’s where some of the charms came from in the first place.” Snapdragon shrugs. 

Mai sighs, she supposes that, that much is true. She wonders how many pieces of her necklace had been found in a rubbish bin. “I’m taking her for dinner. We might stay at the palace if Snapdragon is up for it.”

“Stay where ya like, long as ya ain’t hurt muh girl again. Don’ ya leave ‘er walkin’ alone in the rain like that anymore.” Mohi gives Snapdragon a little pat.

“It’s a sunny day, trust me, I’m only this nauseous when it’s this cheerfully bright. Snapdragon is going to have a great time.” Mai promises. The woman is already jittery with excitement. Mai isn’t sure if it is for the upper class meal she is about to receive or simply the prospect of going on a date. 

Mai comes to decide that it had to have been the food that Snapdragon was excited for. She finds that the woman is somewhat clueless. Oblivious. Mai waits for her to swallow her drink before inquiring, “you know that this is a date, right?” 

“A date?” She asks. “With...with me?”

Mai nods. 

“You ain’t embarrassed to be around me?”

Mai wouldn’t exactly go that far. It isn’t exactly comfortable to have so many eyes upon her. Especially eyes that do little to conceal the judgment within them. She thinks that they have been watching them since they arrived. And suddenly she reconsiders letting Snapdragon pick out her own outfit. 

All the same, she needs Snapdragon to know that she is loved for exactly who she is

All the same, it might be better if she learns to deal with eyes that judge. She could use a bit of Snapdragon’s spunk and creativity. The confidence it takes her to be truly herself; Mai wishes that she could have that. 

“Maybe a little.” Mai admits. “I don’t want you to change though.” She isn’t sure how to articulate it. “I guess that I wish other people would.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wish that they wouldn’t look at you like that.” With crinkled noses and upturned chins. 

Snapdragon shrugs. “I’m kinda used to it.”

She coughs awkwardly, “okay, there is one thing though.”

Snapdragon looks up from her soup. 

“Can you eat with spoons and chopsticks instead of your hands?”

Snapdragon frowns but she reaches for the chopsticks. 

.oOo.

Her tummy does all sorts of flops and flutters as they near the palace. She supposes that it isn’t quite as intimidating as it was the first time, but the jitters are still quite heavily present. She fiddles with the rusty cog on her necklace. 

“You’re slowing down.” Mai observes. Snapdragon shuffles to keep pace. “Don’t tell me that you’re still nervous.” 

“I ain’t sacred. I ain’t scared of anythin’.” Except for nobles and their passive-aggressive stares and remarks. She can already hear them complaining of her scent. “Do I get to use the palace bath again?” 

“Do you want to?” 

Snapdragon nods. “I like the soap bubbles.” She also likes those pretty delicate scents. Something about them is comforting. Something about them feels right. 

“Well the sooner you get inside, the sooner you can have a bubble bath.” Mai replies. “I can go for one too.”

“I asked first.” She darts up the stairs, taking them two at a time. She waits for Mai at the top. 

“Alright, you can take the first bath.” Mai agrees. She takes Snapdragon’s hand and gives her forehead a little kiss. Snapdragon’s whole face goes red. “But only because our first date went so well.” 

“It did?” 

“Did you have a good time.”

She nods vigorously, “it were wonderful. We gonna do it again?”

This time Mai kisses her nose. “You can pick the location next time.”

Chapter Text

Snapdragon closes her eyes, leans back, and inhales the vapors. Lilac and firelily are the dominant scents. There is something about them. Something familiar. The way the way the scents intermingle brings her to a place that is both close and distant. She runs the bar of soap over her skin and tries to pull that distant thing closer. 

She doesn’t dwell much...doesn’t dwell at all on the blank spaces in her mind. But there is an itch within those spaces and the scents tickle them. She counts the freckles on her arms after cleaning them of dirt and grime. And this time they seem foregin. Foreign as though she isn’t sure if they are supposed to be there. 

She shakes her head and reaches for the shampoo. Her hair could use a very good scrub. She wonders if Mai well ask the servants to help her with that. Her hair is such a tangled mess that she isn’t sure she will be able to work with it on her own. She dips her head under the water and basks in the warmth it radiates. 

She is so very cozy. She wishes that her factory had a hot spring in or near it. She likes hot springs very much, she decides.

She leans her body against the rocks and inhales the lilac. She can’t shake the feeling of familiarity. She pushes it to the back of her mind; of course it feels familiar, she has done this once before. 

She stares at the hand that rests upon the spring’s rocky deck. It is rough and calloused. It is familiar. 

One of several serving girls slips back into the room, “Mai would like to know if you’re done with your bath yet.”

Snapdragon nods and holds out her arm for the towel. The girl hands it over and she pats herself dry. She scampers around for her robe...granted it isn’t actually hers. She tugs it on and fusses with the sash. After a few moments of watching her struggle, the serving girl offers her a hand. “Tight enough?” She asks. Snapdragon nods again. “Where is Mai?”

“Waiting for you in the spa.” 

Her eyes light up, “do I get to use it too?”

The serving girl smiles, “unless you think that you can fix this mess on your own.” She ruffles Snapdragon’s hair. 

She shakes her head, “I wasn’t even planin’ on tryin’ to fix that.”

The girl leads her to the spa. With each corner turned, Snapdragon finds herself more daunted, the palace is so huge. It would only take getting distracted and falling behind for her to get lost within its expansive halls. She wonders if the Fire Lord even knows how to navigate it. 

“Here we are.”

“I finished my bath, Mai!” She declares proudly. A few of the serving girls cringe and she recalls that these folks don’t enjoy loud greetings. They don’t seem to enjoy loud things in general. She mumbles an apology as walks towards Mai. Mai who doesn’t seem particularly bothered by her overly enthusiastic outburst. “I keep forgettin’ about the palace rules.”

“They aren’t official rules.” Mai rolls her eyes, “you should here Zuko when he’s frustrated.” She gestures for Snapdragon to sit. “His father too. That whole family is pretty loud.”

“Lean your head back.” The serving girl instructs. 

“Oh yeah.” Snapdragon replies, “I’ll do that. Can you use the same shampoo that you used last time? I liked that smell.”

“Which ones did we use the last time?”

Snapdragon looks at Mai who gives a little shrug. And then her eyes widen for a flicker. “Firelily and jasmine.”

“I dunno how you remembered that.” Snapdragon mumbles as the serving girl retreats to fetch the bottles. 

“Uh...they used to be Azula’s favorites. You smelled like her…”

Snapdragon somehow gets the impression that this isn’t a good thing. “Well I can use firelily and…” she taps her chin. “And snapdragon! I am Snapdragon so I can smell like snapdragon!”

“That makes sense.” Mai agrees with a slight smile. “You think that you can handle being a lone for a bit, I’m going to go find Zuko and let him know that you’ll be spending the night here.”

Her tummy flutters once at the notion of being alone with only the servants and twice at the reminder that she will be staying here at the palace with several more hours of time to make both she and Mai look foolish. At least now she won’t be dirty and grubby when she does it. 

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

Snapdragon shakes her head. The woman running a comb through her hair sighs and gives her another reminder to keep her head still. Snapdragon mumbles another apology. “It’s fine Mai, I can be alone for a bit.”

She regrets saying so as soon as Mai leaves the room. There may not be any uppity nobles about this time around, but even the serving girls seem to have more class and poise than she. Everyone is so elegant, they can bury her under as many fine silks and scents as they please but she doesn’t think that they will ever truly be able to drive out the scents of Capital City’s lower ring smog. “What is this?” The girl with the brush plucks a cluster of pine needles from her hair. But Agni, are they giving it their best shot.

“That must be from when I were trying to reach the bird’s nest. I were gonna take it down if there were no eggs in it.” Snapdragon explains. “I climbed up all the way to near the top of the tree…”

“The sap is practically gluing your hair together.” 

That doesn’t exactly sound like an easy fix. 

The serving girl sighs. “I hope that you’re comfy. This is going to take a while and if I can’t wash the sap out then I will have to give you another haircut.” 

Snapdragon swallows. She wishes that she weren’t such a burden, if only she had nice, silky hair like Mai’s. 

“Ami, you’re making her uncomfortable.” 

Snapdragon recognizes this voice. It is the serving girl she had met first. Yora, if she recalls correctly.

“She could use some discomfort if you ask me.” Ami mutters. “Look at this.” She holds up a clump of her hair. The strands are held together by a decent glob of pine sap. 

Yora chuckles. “I’ll work with this, you just shampoo her hair.” She turns her attention to Snapdragon. “And you just relax, trust me you’ll feel much better after this.”

Snapdragon can believe that, she already feels better, more respectable now that she smells like firelily. Yora is a lot more careful than Ami, she still snags Snapdragon’s locks but she doesn’t yank at them. She closes her eyes, she must admit that it is relaxing to have the shampoos massaged into her hair. 

Like the spring water, the steams that they pour over her head are kindly hot. She watches tendrils of steam twist and curl towards the ceiling. She thinks that she can nearly see the scents on them; she imagines that the firelily would take on a vivid orange and that the snapdragon would be a flashy red smoke. 

“Cherries?” Offers a new serving girl. 

With a grin, Snapdragon pops one into her mouth. She may not be able to get used to this, but she certainly enjoys it. She takes a second cherry and a third. And then she loses track of how many cherries she has eaten. 

“We’re almost done.” Yora says. “I’m going to have to give you a bit of a haircut though. I can’t seem to get this one clump of sap out.” 

“Okay.” Snapdragon agrees. She takes another cherry from the bowl and bites down. “Ow!” Momentarily forgetting her about her surroundings, she spits the cherry pit out. She hears it ping against one of the decorative vases. 

Ami pinches the bridge of her nose, “someone pick that up.”

Snapdragon rubs the side of her mouth. She wishes that she hadn’t bitten down so hard. She supposes it could have been worse; she could have swallowed it and choked…

The serving girl scrubbing the callouses off of her feet pauses. 

The sense of deja vu comes over her again but with more potency. A headpoudning potency. To further spike Ami’s irritation, she shifts uncomfortably in the chair. This sense of familiarity itches at the back of her mind. Whatever it is, it is just out of reach. Just out of reach in just the same way that recollections of her time in the jungle are. 

“Don’t let Ami bother you.” Yora leans in and whispers. “She’s a stern old flutterbat.” 

Snapdragon allows the comment to wash away her unease. She gives a little laugh.

“I thought that it was funny.” Yora continues. “It would have been even funnier if you spit it out at one of those guards. They’re no fun.” 

Snapdragon laughs again.

Ami inhales through her nose, “ please . Sit still.”

“Sorry.” She mutters again. 

She leaves the spa feeling quite refreshed, her head feels so much lighter now that it isn’t loaded with sap, pine needles, and twigs. She feels lighter in general. And the aroma of firelily and snapdragon leaves her with the sensation that she could levitate, could drift away on a cloud of their perfume. 

She holds her sleeve to her nose. She expects it to smell like the shampoo but she finds that it has a scent of its own; firelily and jasmine with a touch of smoke. 

Her head begins to ache again.

.oOo.

“What’s wrong, you’re not acting like yourself tonight?” Mai frowns. 

She doesn’t feel much like herself tonight.

“You’re all quiet again. Are you still anxious about being surrounded by nobles?”

That must be it. She is still nervous. She nods, “a little.” Though she isn’t sure that that truly is what is bothering her. She can’t think of anything else that it could be though. 

“I’m surprised that you aren’t shaking with joy. You were really excited for another palace banquet.”

And she was. She thinks that she still is. Though, at the same time, she doesn’t have much of an appetite at the moment. Mostly she feels queasy? Foggy? Distant? She isn’t exactly sure what she is feeling. Other than unwell. “I feel…”

“You look pale.” Mai notes.

Snapdragon nods. “I feel sick.” That doesn’t quite fit either but it is the closest thing that she can think of.

“Do you want to skip dinner and go see the palace physician.” The Firelord offers from the head of the table. “They’re really good, I promise.” 

She shakes her head, “I want food first. I came here for the food.”

Mai chuckles, “that sounds more like you.”

Snapdragon smiles. Maybe she’ll feel better after a gourmet meal. Maybe she’ll feel more like Snapdragon if she does things that make Snapdragon happy.

Chapter Text

Having helped herself to fried dumplings and a rather generous potion of mocchi, Snapdragon’s mood has lifted some. She follows Mai down the hall, “where are we goin’?”

“Zuko said that you can stay in Azula’s room since no one is using it anymore.”

“Why ain’t in bein’ used?” 

“Azula has been missing for a while now. Every now and then Zuko sends a team to look for her but I think that it’s pointless.” Mai shrugs. “It’s probably better if we don’t find her.”

“Oh, okay.” Snapdragon furrows her brows in thought. “How d’ya loose a whole princess?” 

Mai shrugs. “She’s elusive and sneaky and smart.” 

“I’m only one of those things.”

Mai quirks a brow, “which one.” Snapdragon holds up one of Mai’s throwing stars and hands it back to her. “Sneaky. I should have guessed.”

Snapdragon grins.

“Glad that you’re feeling better.” She pauses. “I think that you’re smart. You’re just a different kind of smart. I don’t know many people, outside of the flora business, who can name each flower. I also don’t know many people who are so...crafty. You make tools out of scraps it’s innovative.” 

“Innovative.” Snapdragon tries the word. 

“This is it.” Mai gestures to the door. 

Snapdragon lingers outside of it for some time. Like everything else in the palace, this room is massive and imposing in its grandiose. She can’t quite wrap her head around how one small person can inhabit such a large dwelling. The bed alone can fit at least two and half rows of six Snapdragons.

She isn’t entirely sure that she will be able to sleep here. It is much too spacious and open. She must be in an awestruck stupor, staring at Mai like a confused ploarbear-puppy because the woman gives her a little nudge and a, “go on, make yourself comfortable.”

She takes a hesitant step forward and climbs onto the mattress. It practically envelops her entire body, it is so plush. She might just be able to sleep well after all. 

“Well, what do you think.” 

Snapdragon flashes her a smile. “It’s so soft.” 

“Of course. Do you think that the princess would have anything less.”

Snapdragon shakes her head. She crawls around on the mattress trying to find an optimal spot to sleep in, she has so many options. After testing out several gathers up several of the pillows and arranges them in a semi-circle around herself in the very middle of the bed while Mai observes with a quirked brow. “Are there any more?”

“I can have the servants get you some. How many more do you need?”

It has taken two body pillows and two small ones to create the semi circle. “I need two more of each. And another pillow for my head.” 

Mai laughs, “that’s a lot of pillows.” Regardless she leaves the room. And by the time she returns with some servants and the pillows, Snapdragon has torn the comforter out from under the mattress and draped it partially over the pillows. Before Mai can ask she snatches the remaining pillows and completes the circles. With step one out of the way, she gives the comforter a toss and drapes it over the entire circle. She beams at her work while the servants look on in equal measures of distress and confusion. She tugs the blanket out next, dismantling her previous work. She frowns and constructs the pillow circle once more.

At last she curls herself up in the very center of her nest and pulls the blankets over her shoulders. Now the bed doesn’t seem so intimidatingly spacious. “Good night, Mai!”

She hears Mai sigh. The woman walks closer to her as the servants retreat. She pushes Snapdragon’s shorter, better groomed bangs out of her face and kisses her on the forehead. Snapdragon blushes and blushes twice over when the woman kisses her lips. “Good night, Snapdragon. Sleep well.” 

With a cozy little nest and two good night kisses, she can’t imagine not sleeping well. 

She very nearly does sleep well. But she can’t shake that feeling. The one that has been plaguing her for much of the evening. There is a sense of familiarity here. An overwhelming sense of it. 

It isn’t just on the surface anymore; isn’t just a matter of seeing familiar things in the layout of the room and in the décor. It isn’t just sights. It is deeper than that. It is deeply ingrained right down to the scents. The blankets smell familiar. That same faint perfume of firelily, jasmine, and a faint tang of smoke. 

She shakes the haunting deja vu away. At last her mind settles enough to drift off. At least for a few hours. Her dreams wake her. They are vivid dreams. Intense dreams. They leave her feeling somehow cold on the inside. Cold with dread and she can’t place where the anxiety is coming from.  She curls tighter in on herself and clutches the pillow closer to her body. She is dozing off against her wishes. She was never good at keeping herself awake and so sleep takes her again. 

And the dreams make sure that she stays that way. 

.oOo.

The first rays of morning aren’t warm enough to sizzle that cold anxiety away. If anything they set them simmering. 

The sensation is strange, jarring, and confusing. It is like peeling gauze away from her eyes, like stepping out of a very long dream. She has been living such a different life that this one no longer feels authentic.

The memories clash with one another, fighting for space in her head. 

Snapdragon lays, staring at the ceiling for the longest time. She knows the dreams were memories. Mostly, they feel like they don’t belong to her. Like they belong to someone else. She knows that they are her own. But she doesn’t know what to do with them now that she has them. 

During one hour she is all Snapdragon. During the next she feels much more inclined to reclaim her old life. During one hour the nest that she had shaped her bed into is a comfort and during  the next it is an eyesore that she’d like to dismantle. 

In the end she finds herself curling back up in it. Azula and Snapdragon have one thing in common at least; neither of them know who should remain. Snapdragon wants to reach out to Mai and Azula is afraid to try.

Chapter Text

Snapdragon is unusually snappy today and Mai isn’t sure what it is. She supposes that the girl has to have at least one bad day eventually, Mai just wishes that she knew what was causing her poor mood. 

She wonders if someone had discovered her factory and tried to take it from her. Or if one of her brothers had stolen something from her stash. More likely, she considers that someone at the palace had said something to her again, to make her question her hobbies. 

The more Mai ponders it, the more she thinks that it is true. Though she continues to shamble up to her nest and acquire more things to toss into her steadily growing trash hoard, the woman’s face is curiously less smudged, and her hands are usually clean. As clean as they can be given that Mohi doesn’t have the sort of water that the palace does. 

She finds the woman tucked away into her hoarding nest, fidgeting with a golden ribbon. She wraps it around her pointer, unwraps it, and warps it again. She isn’t sure that Snapdragon is staring at it at all.

“I thought that I’d find you up here.” Mai remarks. “That ladder is getting more unstable.” She shudders. 

Snapdragon shrugs. “It’s fine.” Her voice lacks it’s usual spark and her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Mai rubs her lips together before ultimately deciding to reach for the woman’s hand. Once she finds it, she feels Snapdragon’s fingers tighten around her own hand. 

Quietly, Mai hold’s her hand to Snapdragon’s cheek, stroking it with her thumb. “The flowers should be here soon so we can open up the shop again.” She isn’t sure if this will cheer her girlfriend up any. “That’s exciting, right.”

She thinks that Snapdragon’s smile is more genuine this time. She nods, “Sounds nice.” 

.oOo.

Nice isn’t exactly the word she is looking for, she is actually quite thrilled. Snapdragon does like the flowers and she thinks that Azula does too. They are soothing for Azula where they are joyful for her. 

Her head hurts. 

She supposes that she will have to see which emotion wins out when the time comes. 

“What’s going on, Snapdragon? Don’t tell me that those uppity nobles got to you?”

There is a nervous sort of twitching and fluttering in her belly, “what makes you think that something is wrong?”

“You haven’t been acting like yourself lately.” 

But that is just it. She is acting like herself. For the first time in so long, she is acting like herself. Just not the self that Mai has grown used to. The self that she, herself has grown used to. “What do you mean?” She asks anyways. 

“For one thing, you’re talking differently…”

The fluttering intensifies. For all of her confusion there is certainty. It comes in that Mai can’t know that she knows who she used to be. There is certainty in that Mai would hate her all over again if she found out. She doesn’t want to lose Mai a second time. The fluttering reaches a peak recalling the moment when the woman had drawn her knives, the moment she had been ready to turn them on her. It had hurt the day that it had happened...it is unbearable to think about now. 

Now, when the hand that had wielded the blades  is gently caressing her cheek in loving little strokes.  

“Where are your dirt smudges?” She traces her fingers along the spots on her cheeks and forehead most prone to mud and grease.

She isn’t sure how to tell Mai that she no longer likes the feeling of dirt smeared on her face and that her skin is crawling now that showers aren’t as regular as they had been at the palace. She thinks for a moment. “I like  how it feels to be clean.” She says. 

Mai tilts her head. 

“I don’t mind getting dirty but I like smelling nice and feeling clean. My face feels less...stiff.” She replies. 

Mai nods, “Have you never taken a bath before you went to the palace?”

Snapdragon thinks on it. And in doing though she thinks that it is safe to say that Snapdragon-Azula has never take a real bath before. She shakes her head. “Unless the lake counts.”

“You haven’t even gone to the communal bathhouses?” 

Snapdragon shakes her head. This is another thing that she and Azula share; neither of them enjoy public bathing. Too many eyes, even if they aren’t focused on her. “I don’t like those. The lake is better.” 

Mai chuckles. “Alright, I guess that, that makes sense. You’ve never been fully clean before so you didn’t know that it was something that you liked.”

Some of her tension eases away. Perhaps she is overthinking things. Perhaps, even without Azula creeping back in, Snapdragon would have enjoyed being cleaner. 

“So what’s bothering you?” Mai asks again. 

Snapdragon shrugs. “I just...I don’t feel well.” 

She makes a note to try to be happier. She will lose Mai if she can’t muster up the same spunk and enthusiasm that Snapdragon had. 

“Do you want to stay at the palace again?” Mai offers. 

Snapdragon nods. She can use another bath and Mohi could use a break from her antics. 

.oOo.

She feels significantly more like Azula when she is wearing her own robes. She feels, perhaps more powerful than Snapdragon has been allowed to feel. Granted she still gets glowers and glares. They still look down upon her. Save for Yora, they don’t want her here. 

She is a nuisance.

A dirty nobody. 

Inferior. 

It makes Azula’s blood boil in a way that Snapdragon had been able to laugh off. It brings color to her cheeks. A sense of shame that she can’t seem to shake. But then, this had bothered Snapdragon too. 

“They just aren’t used to people like you.” Yora mentions as she takes a comb to Azula’s locks.

“Uncultured peasants?”

“Kinder souls.” Yora corrects. “People who are easier to be around.” She takes a deep breath. “They are so used to being surrounded by other people who are pampered and spoiled that they don’t know what to do when someone like you comes around. Someone who is fun and carefree.” 

Azula wishes that she were fun, carefree, and kind. 

“Innocent.” Yora adds. “Though they tend to try to take advantage of innocence here. I like you, Snapdragon. You’re a good person. It is nice to groom someone who isn’t barking orders and particulars.” 

She is offended and comforted all at one. She knows that Azula is picky, prone to particulars. And she supposes that she hadn’t been kind about it either. She feels horrible for having banished the one servant who is now being kind to her. 

“How is this?” She holds a mirror up for Snapdragon to observe. She has been avoiding them since the return of her memories. And her reflection is now just as jarring as she had anticipating. Jarring because she knows that it is not truly her own. And yet, it is, she has seen it daily for such a long time now. She is both used to this body and disconnected from it. It is familiar and foreign all the same. She knows that she should be looking at a different face. A face that she sees everywhere in the palace but the mirrors. She isn’t sure why Zuko has kept portraits of Azula. 

 Her head hurts all over again. 

“It’s nice.” She answers. 

“Are you alright?”

“Headache.” She replies simply. 

Yora nods, “I’ll take you to the guest room. Unless you’d like to sleep in the princess’ room again. Mai mentioned that it was too open for you?”

She wants to sleep in her own room, “I just need…”

“More pillows than any one person should have a right to use?” Yora quirks a brow.

She nods. Yora has always caught on quick. Snapdragon’s stomach lurches again, the memories are hitting her left and right. They come back suddenly and overwhelmingly. She thinks that it might not be a lie that she is feeling physically ill. At the very least, she is truly feeling dizzy and hazy. 

“Yora!” Ami snaps. “You were supposed to be helping with the laundry today. Forget about the commoner and do the job that you were meant to do.”

“I was just going to get her some pillows…”

“Extra pillows  are in the servants quarters, down the make a left and then another left. You’ll see them.” Ami says to Snapdragon. “Get them yourself, Yora has work to get to.”

“Where is Mai?” 

The woman scowls. “With the firelord. She doesn’t have time for you. And neither does Yora.”

.oOo.

Snapdragon doesn’t collect her pillows.  She wanders hazily back to her room torn between storming back up to Ami and letting her know who she is dealing with and flopping down on her bed and trying to process everything.

She lingers in front of her bedroom door. She still feels so small standing before it. Perhaps she should go fetch herself the pillows, the nest was rather comforting…

“You must be Snapdragon.”

She tenses. 

This voice.

She knows this voice. 

And it pulls at strings in her mind. Pulls more memories to the surface. Memories that Snapdragon can’t brush off. 

She turns around and nods, “I’m Snapdragon.”

But she isn’t in this moment. In this moment, she is very much Azula. 

“My name is Ursa.” She smiles. It is such a warm smile, it makes Azula feel sick and tearry. “Can I help you find something?”

“I was going to get some pillows.”

“I can fetch one of the servants.”

“Yora is busy, apparently.” Azula grumbles.

“Ami?”

Azula nods. Once upon a time, the woman had been her favorite servant…

“Follow me.” Ursa gestures. “You can take as many pillows as you want.” 

.oOo. 

Her mother is a sweet woman. She helps her perfectly arrange her circle of pillows and blankets. “I used to do this with Zuko all time.” 

She had never done so with Azula. She tries to imagine what that would have been like. She shakes her head, she doesn’t have to try to imagine it; “I think that this one would look nice over here.” 

Azula almost laughs. The woman is making an art of building pillow nests. Azula almost cries. She has the same inclination to make her pillow nest look prettier, more organized. She moves the pillow to where her mother had suggested. “Perfect.” She says. 

Ursa nods in agreement. “I can send fpr Mai and with two cups of hot tea--three if you don’t mind me staying. I don’t think that a pillow nest is complete without tea and a story.” 

“Do you have a story?”

“Many of them?”

Both Azula and Snapdragon want a story, even if it is for different reasons. Azula wants what has been deprived from her for so long and Snapdragon simply loves exciting tales. 

.oOo.

For a moment apprehension leaves Azula. With candles to softly light the room and tea to warm her throat, she is comfortable. Very much so. She snatches up one of her pillows and hugs it to her chest as Mai props herself up against her. 

Her mother smiles. 

It might be the one thing that Azula has done that she approves of. And perhaps it is only because she is looking at Snapdragon. Snapdragon who stirs excitedly when storytime begins. It takes her to a new place in her mind. A place with dragons and adventure. Though she supposes that her whole life has been an adventure, especially now that Snapdragon had taken control. 

By Agni, she just hopes that Azula can keep the love and spirit that Snapdragon has. 

She clutches Mai as tightly as she clutches the pillow. She isn’t sure how long she will be able to do so. She just knows that she can’t let go yet. She can’t lose Mai again. “Now this is more like my Snapdragon.” She hears Mai mutter.

Chapter Text

She finds that she can quite effortlessly muster up enthusiasm. The flower shop does bring her a unique brand of delight. A delight that would have probably made Azula happy as well; it has a simple sort of charm that Azula finds relaxing.

Snapdragon strokes her thumb over the pink-purple petal of a foxglove. 

“I brought you some snacks.” Mai’s lips quirk into a smile as she arranges a few marigolds upon the counter. 

Azula truly does hate to admit it, but she didn’t exactly hate the taste of marigold stems. And Snapdragon finds them quite delectable. So when Mai turns to fetch the sunflowers, Snapdragon takes a single marigold and pops it into her mouth. She lets it dangle between her lips until Mai turns around and grumbles, “it was a joke, you weren’t supposed to eat it again.”

She quirks a brow and takes a bite. Mai ruffles her hair and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Neither Snapdragon nor Azula can seem to get used to the affection. She isn’t sure which part of her the tummy flutters come from. 

She finishes eating the marigold as their first customer walks up. 

“Mohi!” Snapdragon grins.

“Are ya eatin flowas again?”

She clears her throat and replies, “no” as Mai says, “yes.”

Mohi sighs. “How’s the palace been?”

Snapdragon isn’t sure how to answer this so Azula does it for her, “insightful.” It only occurs to her that this isn’t something that Snapdragon would say after she sees the quizzical look on Mohi’s face.

“They be teachin’ you ta speak like a noble?”

“I picked up on things.” 

Mohi nods. “Ya jus’ watch yaself there. ‘N don’t ya go ‘n let ya fingas wanda, that’ll git ya in trouble if ya get caught.” 

“We already talked about that.” Mai assures her. “She’s been strictly sticking to things that people don’t want anymore...or things that she was told she could touch; she’s made herself comfortable in Azula’s room.” 

“Ya watch ya’self. I can’t protect ya from that one if ya find trouble there.”

A lump forms in her throat. She hadn’t considered how Mohi might take to finding out that she’d been caring for a princess she thought ruthless and cruel. Decidedly she has to be more careful around Mohi, lest she lose her too. 

.oOo. 

Mai clips at and arranges her flowers as Snapdragon and Mohi catch up. She thinks of inviting the woman and her sons to stay at the palace too, but really the palace isn’t hers to be extending invitations to. 

She supposes that all is well enough, Snapdragon will get the best of both worlds. Tonight she is going home with Mohi. It will be drab without her company in the palace. Though it is probably better if she does go back to her own home for a while; Ami hasn’t been taking kindly to her in the slightest. 

“The palace is no place for a crude and dirty little cretin.” She’d lamented to Mai. “You had no business bringing her here. You don’t even have a love for your Fire Lord.” She rambles on and on, “or any of the royals, why stay in the palace if you hate the royal family?”

Really, she can’t be bothered to answer the woman. She is there because she needs a place to stay, nothing more and nothing less. Once she gets the shop truly up and running she will get a place of her own and never have to deal with upper ring drama again. Truly, it’s exhausting. Snapdragon is such a refreshing break. 

By noon, she doesn’t have much time to dwell upon palace drama; the grand opening of the shop has drawn in a very generous flow of people. 

“Can you give me a hand, Snapdragon?”

The woman looks up from her conversation and flashes her a smile and a thumbs up. 

“Hold these leaves out of the way while I clip some of the thorns off.” 

Snapdragon carefully lifts the petals out of the way and watches Mai pune away the thorns. She sets the clippers aside and Snapdragon lets the leaves fall back in place and set the roses on the window sill. 

She sits herself upon the now mostly cleared counter. She reaches for Mai’s hand and Mai takes it. 

Mohi clears her throat. “Behave yaself! I’ll be at home waitin’ when the ya shift’s through.” 

“M’kay,  Mohi.” Snapdragon answers. She waits until the woman has left to wrap her arms around Mai’s neck and her legs around her waist. 

Mai rolls her eyes, “I’m not going to lift you up and carry you if that’s what you’re hoping for.”

Snapdragon shakes her head. Mai is beginning to think that the girl just wants closeness. She pats her back and replies, “we’re going to have to do this after work.” Though she isn’t entirely pleased to have to cut off the woman’s cuddles. Her embrace is warm and pleasant. “Here, have a flower instead.” She takes one of the marigolds and tucks it behind Snapdragon’s ear. 

Snapdragon leaps off of the counter. “I can’t believe that your aunt was able to afford this.” She gestures about the store. 

“I had Zuko pull a few more strings.” She loathes to admit it.

“He sure helps you out a lot.” She looks almost nervous. “He still loves you don’t he?”

“Well that’s unfortunate for him.” Mai shrugs. “Because I found someone else who is much easier to be around.”

“Who?”

Mai rolls her eyes. “You, Snapdragon.”

Her face flushes. “Oh, yeah. Me.” She tilts her head. “I’m easy to be around?”

“You’re one of the only people I’ve met who isn’t afraid to express yourself.” She wishes that she weren’t so afraid herself. “It’s refreshing, Snapdragon. It feels authentic. Sometimes I think that you’re the only person in the Fire Nation who isn’t full of lies, deceptions, and ulterior motives.”

.oOo.

Snapdragon thinks about it the whole way home. About lies and deceptions. She doesn’t think that she has any ulterior motives. She thinks that she only wants to have an old friend back. She doesn’t think that, that is so terrible and yet it feels all wrong. 

She pops into the house to call out that she is heading to her factory. 

She needs to clear her head. 

She knows that the factory will help Snapdragon do so and she knows how to clear Azula’s mind.

She is alone in said factory when she tries firebending for the first time in a very long time. It dawns upon her that she likely could have done it this whole time had she not given up so easily after a few failed attempts and some teasing from Zenyul and Kaz. 

She lets the fire come to her hands as she has done so many times. It feels right, natural. It curls and laps at the air with fingers of blue and for quite a while Snapdragon only watches it. Mesmerized by that which she created, that which she had grown familiar with and then became a stranger to one more. 

She stares at it until the connections are formed in her mind and it becomes an extension of herself once again. 

Only then does she take up a stance. This too feels second nature and foreign all the same. She doesn’t exactly recall each and every step in the kata but they come to her as she moves her way through it. 

She doesn’t have to think too much. 

She doesn’t have to think at all. 

And she is bending. 

Bending as she always had in her life before this one. 

“Snapdragon?” 

She goes completely tense. “Kaz, what are you doing here?”

“It’s gettin’ late ‘n Mohi sent me to git you.” He pauses. “Snapdragon were you…”

She can’t deny it, he had seen it very clearly. Even Azula can’t lie her way out of this one.

“Your fire is…” he sputters. “It’s blue.” 

She bites the inside of her cheek. She could accuse him of imagining strange colors where there was only orange. She could accent the accusation by bringing orange fire to her palms. “I just learned to do it.” 

“Sure didn’t look like it. It looks like you been doin’ it fer ages.” 

She could tell him that Zenyul has been teaching her but she can’t remember the last time that the brothers were apart. She tries to speak but she finds herself at a loss for what to say. The truth is as unbelievable as the lies--perhaps more so even. So she only manages a soft, “don’t tell Mohi.”

She doesn’t think that he is listening. “Blue. Fire.”

She swallows. 

“ Blue. Fire! Snapdragon, you know who else has blue fire!?”

She knows very well. She knows that there is no ‘who else’, that there is only one person. She just hopes that Kaz won’t arrive at the same conclusion. She doesn’t get to hope for long at all. He stares at with wonder and curiosity. With delight and with hesitance. 

She doesn’t expect him to reach out and touch the small scars on her cheek. Doesn’t expect him to run his fingers through her hair, “how’d you do it?” 

“How’d I do what?”

He gestures to her face. “I heard rumors that Lady Ursa was able to change her face…” 

Her blood runs colder than she thought possible for a firebender. “Kaz…”

“They’s lookin’ for you at the palace ‘n you’ve been there the whole time?”

Perhaps partially so, she had been. “Kaz, I don’t want to go back.”

His brows furrow. “Then why’s you been goin’ back?”

She doesn’t want to go back as Azula. Snapdragon decides that she doesn’t want to be Azula again. Not yet. Snapdragon is happy. Snapdragon is carefree and fun. Azula is not. “Because Mai is there.” But she likes it here. Absently, she takes a step back and leans against the cool metal siding of the building, “I like my factory too.” He wouldn’t take that away from her would he?

But, Agni, the bounty reward could buy he and his family a place in the cheaper end of the upper ring. 

“Kaz, don’t take me back there.” She doesn’t want to hurt him. She can’t hurt him. She realizes that she is going to lose her family either way; if she lets him run off and tell them who she is Zuzu will come to collect her, Mohi will resent her. If she causes him any sort of harm, Mohi will hate her tenfold. 

She takes a deep breath, she will let him run. It occurs to her that they wouldn’t believe him anyways. Snapdragon hasn’t ignited a even a spark, she only has to play ignorant. And it isn’t as though he can simply pry a mask off or wipe away layers of makeup; Snapdragon’s face is her own. 

She doesn’t have to tell him that no one will believe him. She thinks that he knows. Somehow she thinks that she is being cruel. 

“Why would you wanna stay here in this slobby slumtown?” He inquires. She doesn’t think that he wants an answer for he continues, “it isn’t fair; you can leave at any time and you choose to stay here. And I’d like nothing more than to get out of this dump and go somewhere that mama deserves! But I don’t have a choice! We’re stuck in this trash heap ‘cause of you.” He pauses, breathing heavily. “Mama said not to say it because she didn’t want you to blame yerself, but it’s true! We was well off ‘for we took you in.” And in one last burst he adds, “‘n you ain’t even need it!” 

But she did need it. 

She does need it. 

She may not need a place to stay, but she needs people to love. The hatred in his eyes only reaffirms what she knows to be true; that she has to be more careful. That Azula can’t come back.  “Please don’t hate me, Kaz.”

Chapter Text

She avoids Mohi’s if only to avoid distressing Kaz any further. She pretends like she is busy and overwhelmed by her very first job. That she needs to focus on it so she doesn’t mess it up lie the last few jobs she’s had.

Mohi and Zenyul trust her whole heartedly. 

It hurts terribly. She doesn’t deserve that kind of trust. 

She knows it.

Kaz knows it. 

And so she spends most of her time at the palace and with Mai, hoping that Mohi doesn’t resent her fro growing distant. She thinks that maybe it is some sort of defense. To create that distance. To show herself out before they can show her out.

Working with Mai and tending to the flowers is a welcome distraction. Mostly she doesn't think too much about Kaz.

Mostly she doesn't think about him until he enters the shop. She is at the back of the shop, poking seeds into soil when Mai calls, "your brother is here."

For one small moment she thinks that Mai is referring to Zuko and her heart gives an anxious leap. She finishes patting the soil over the seed and wanders up to the front.

"Oh. Hi Kaz." She can't even manage to feel slightly enthusiastic to see him.

"Did you guys have a fight or something?" Mai asks in a whisper.

"I think."

"How can you not tell? Either you had a fight or you didn't."

But she isn't good with feelings, isn't good at understanding them. "I'm not mad at him." She replies.

"But he's mad at you?"

Snapdragon nods.

"I can finish planting the seeds if you two need a minute or you can step outside."

Snapdragon nods again.

Mai finishes handing her last customer his flowers and disappears into the back of the shop. Snapdragon brushes her fingers over nearby petals. "I made a bouquet for Mohi's birthday.” 

“And?”

"I want to come home for Mohi's birthday."

"Is that a demand or a question, princess." He sneers.

"A...request?" Snapdragon replies. "I made an arrangement with her favorite flowers." She holds up a bouquet of fake jasmine, daisy, clover, and yarrow. She will replace those with genuine flowers on Mohi's birthday. 

Around the boy she has tied a few yellow and white painted beads and brown and white bird feathers that she had found in her hoard. "Can you give it to her?"

"Give it to her yourself when you visit on her birthday." The way that he extends the invitation is anything but kind.

It makes her think that, maybe, a silly bouquet might not be good enough. That maybe a pouch of gold coins would be a better gift. Mohi could start reclaiming the life she had sacrificed for Snapdragon.

For the woman that shouldn't exist.

She watches Kaz sulk away.

She never finds out what he had come there to tell her. 

.oOo.

With the passing of several days, her mind has mostly sorted itself out. Snapdragon and Azula coexist well enough with Azula--as per usual--taking dominance. She attributes this mostly to the stresses and sorrows that Azula is prone to coming back in full force. They stir about in her mind until Snapdragon’s joy and enthusiasm is swept away. 

But Azula finds that she rather enjoys the freedoms that Snapdragon has found for her. The ability to speak as she will and do what she will without the fear of tarnishing an immaculate reputation. 

She still very much enjoys being around Mohi. Mohi who ruffles her hair and gives her the affection she wishes that her own mother would afford her. 

Her own mother who she has seen about the palace several times now. Her own mother who loves Snapdragon more than she could ever love Azula. She is just one more reason to feign ignorance and keep up her facade. 

Really, it isn’t too hard. She thinks that Snapdragon is everything and all of the freedom that she had yearned for. And now she has it. Maybe all along Snapdragon, minus eating flowers and rolling in dirt, has been the real her. The real her that she has buried so deeply. 

The real her that has been hindered and bogged down by crushing expectations and loneliness. 

She is terrified that this loneliness will come creeping back in. Kaz hasn’t warmed up to her any and Zenyul always sides with his brother.

She is more desperate to keep their affection that she would like to admit. Desperate to keep the family she has found and the little joys. 

She supposes that she wasn’t thinking clearly.

Had she been thinking clearly, she wouldn’t have gotten caught. 

Had her mind not been so fixated on salvaging her relationship with Kaz. Fixated on keeping everything from falling apart completely. 

.oOo.

It is Kaz who opens the door and he tries to shut it in her face. But she didn’t walk all of that distance just to be shut out. “I said you can come for Mohi’s birthday, no other day.” Kaz grumbles, he gives the door another heave. Azula holds her ground. 

“Just let ‘er in, Kaz.” Zenyul sighs. 

He releases his hold so suddenly that she nearly loses her footing. 

“What’s goin’ on ‘tween you two anyways?”

Azula shrugs while Kaz grumbles, “don’t worry about it.” 

Mohi makes her way into the foyer, apron tied tightly around her waist, face smeared with flour and dough. Azula mood lifts if only slightly. “Where ya be at chil’.” She frowns. “Ya git yerself a job ‘n we don’t never see ya.” 

“Kaz doesn’t want me here anymore.” She doesn’t particularly want to cause problems for him but she also doesn’t want Mohi to think that she has forgotten about her. “He was here first so I’ve been staying with Mai.” 

Zenyul scoffs, “you’re talkin’ like one’a them nobles.” 

Her tummy flutters, how is it that he can manage to make the extravagance of palace life sound so ugly and foul? “I brought a souvenir.”  She slips her hand into her pocket and draws out a small coin pouch. She holds it out to Mohi. “It’s enough to buy a place in the…uh, in the less rough area of Caldera.”  

Mohi’s eyes go wide and she clamps her hand around Azula’s wrist. 

“Oh chil’ no. Ya didn’t steal this did ya?” 

Technically she didn’t. It belongs to her whether or not the palace guard recognizes her. But it doesn’t belong to Snapdragon and right now she is Snapdragon. “They won’t know.” She thinks that they have so much wealth anyways that a couple of coins would go completely unnoticed. 

“Chil’ ya swiping hands is gon’ git ya in trouble.” She looks terrified. “Why ya go ‘n do this?” 

She shrugs. “You were supposed to live well. You were doing fine until I got here.”  She notices Kaz grimace. 

Mohi cuffs Kaz on the back of the head. Kaz and Zenyul both. “I oughtta give ya a good swat too, girl! Ya should know betta then takin’ from the royal family!” She slaps the coins back into Azula’s palm. “Ya go ‘n take this back.” 

“But you need it.” 

“Not as much as we need ya here ‘n safe.” 

Azula’s lower lip quivers. Even when she tries to do something good, she hurts people. She is beginning to recall more vividly why she had sought out the Mother of Faces to extract her memories, her face, her essence--everything that made her Azula. 

“Kaz!” 

The boy goes rigid. 

“Why’d ya go ‘n say them thin’s to ‘er? Don’ tell me ya don’ wan’ ‘er around?” 

Kaz seems to chew on his lips. “I were mad, okay?” 

The imperial firebenders don’t knock. They just enter. Just as they have been trained to do. Azula feels absolutely sick. She thinks that one of the servants, likely Ami, had seen her slip out of the treasury. She wasn’t careful. 

She was foolish and impulsive. 

She has made things worse. 

“I don’ think it’s okay.” Mohi shakes her head. She squeezes Azula’s hand. “Oh chil’, ya didn’t have ta do that.” 

.oOo. 

They handle her roughly. More roughly than even Snapdragon is used to. Snapdragon may have been lower class filth but she was never a criminal. She is a criminal now though and they have very little regard for her comfort. Her wrists are bruised from their grip and her knees are bruised and scraped from having been shoved to the floor of her new cell. 

“I’ll admit, it takes nerves, a certain fire, to steal from the royal family.” One of the guards sneers. 

“Never liked that one.” Says the other. “Never liked the glum one either.” 

And she is left in darkness, with metal clamped around her hands and feet. It weighs them down so heavily that she thinks they may break. She lays with her cheek pressed against the chilly dirty floor. 

She can tell them who she is, but she can’t imagine that they would believe her. They won’t let her show them her fire. 

She believes that two or three days pass before she sees anyone aside from the guard delivering her sorry excuse for a meal.  It is so terribly lonely and so dreadfully cold. She misses her freedom. At night she dreams of her factory, of making it to the very top. 

She misses the wind in her hair as she leaps from building to building. It dawns on her that she hasn’t done parkour in a good long while. She had taken the simple life for granted. And now she is more restricted than she has ever been.

She feels horrible for thinking so, but she wishes that she had never run into Mai again. 

At one point she hears Mai arguing for them to let her see her girlfriend and she feels guilty twice over. “Wait until Zuko gets back, wait until he hears about this!” She had vowed. Azula can’t name another instance where Mai had been this passionate. It earns her no prize. No prize save for, “oh I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear that you brought a thief into the palace.” 

Her stomach is rumbling softly by day five. They have neglected to feed her for the past few days. She begins to wonder if they plan on leaving her to die. She doesn’t remember any laws that punish thieves so steeply, but then she hadn’t really paid attention to exactly what penalties thieves, traitors, and murderers received. 

The door to her cell opens. She doesn’t move. Even if she wanted to, the shackles keep her tethered to the floor. The light that spills onto her face is blinding after nearly a week without any light at all. 

She doesn’t try to get up, even when the shackles clunk to the floor and away from her wrists and ankles. When she doesn’t move at all, the figure comes closer. She flinches as hands pull her to her feet. These hands are very gentle. Very caring. Those hands pull her into a little hug. “The coins were returned, I don’t see the point in keeping you in here.” Speaks a very familiar voice. “And treating you like this.” She detects a scowl in the woman’s voice. The same sternness that she usually addresses Azula with. But Snapdragon, as far as Ursa knows, is not Azula. And so her voice becomes light again, “let’s get you cleaned up and something to eat.” 

Azula winces with each step. But she is very intent on simply walking it off. Walking it off, at least until her ankle twist and she buckles to the floor. 

Her mother catches her and gives a wince of her own. “We’ll get you to the infirmary and then get you something to eat. We can get you cleaned up later.” 

She scoops Azula up and Azula shakes her head. “I’m fine, I can walk myself.” She insists. 

Ursa purses her lips. “Your ankles are very swollen, I shouldn’t have let you walk so soon.”

“I can walk, I’m not weak. I can…”

“Maybe you can.” Ursa smiles. “But you don’t have to. The sooner we get you to the infirmary, the sooner you will get to see Mai and--what was her name--Mohi?” 

Azula nods, “Mohi isn’t in trouble, is she?”

“Mohi and her sons are safe.” Ursa replies as she lays Azula upon a vacant infirmary bed. She beckons for a doctor. “Why did you steal from the treasury, Snapdragon?” 

“Mohi needed the coins.” She replies. 

“Zuko is a generous Fire Lord, you could have asked him. You could have asked me.”

Maybe if Azula hadn’t resurfaced, she would have considered those to be options. Maybe if she didn’t forget that Zuko doesn’t have anything against Snapdragon…

Maybe if Azula didn’t exist at all. 

She closes her eyes. 

Ursa sighs, “you like your independence, don’t you?”

She nods, supposing that, that is a part of it. Even if it is a small part. 

And Ursa gives a small laugh. “I guess that, that’s a firebender’s curse. We can never just ask for help or talk about how we feel.”  She takes Azula’s hand. 

“I don’t know how to ask for help.” Azula admits. She knows that she needs it so badly and for so many reasons. But she doesn’t know how to request it. Even Snapdragon didn’t really know how to reach out…

Ursa gives her head a sad and small shake. “You’re quite different than her, but you remind me of my daughter.”

Chapter Text

Azula’s mouth runs dry. “How so?” 

Ursa shrugs. “Sometimes, a mother just knows.” 

Azula lays back on the mattress, her head is dizzy with nerves, and stress, and hunger, and a dreadful concoction of other things. She supposes that it is just the nature of things for one misfortune to birthe many more of them. 

“Am I mistaken?” Ursa asks. 

There is hardly any sense in denying it, and maybe it would be much less painful to just come out with the truth. If even one person could know her secret. If even one person could help her carry the weight of it. “No.” 

Ursa gives her a soft smile. “I didn’t think so.” Azula thinks that her mother might have chuckled. “I know my daughter…”

“No you don’t.” Azula says sharply, abruptly. The force of the fire these words ignite is enough to drive Snapdragon out in full. 

She expects the woman to fervently deny it. Instead the woman offers a solemn nod. “I suppose that I don’t, not like I should.” And the flames cool just as rapidly. There is something respectable about an honest admission. “But I would like to. Mohi has been a good mother to you.” 

Azula nods and Snapdragon trickles back in. Snapdragon is  warmth and love and affection. Snapdragon is kindness and loving gestures and imperfections. Snapdragon has these things. She  has Mohi and Mai and Zenyul. She had Kaz.

“I’m very grateful that someone has been a mother to you when I couldn’t be.” Ursa continues. Azula doesn’t jerk away this time when Ursa cups her hand upon hers. “I would like to be your mother now, if you’d let me.”

Azula thinks of pillow nests and stories and she suddenly finds it surprisingly hard to deny her. Isn’t this what she has been craving. What has been driving her mad and agonizing her for so, so long. What was one of many things that had driven her into the Forgetful Valley in the first place. She can only manage a small nod. 

And Ursa’s...her mother’s smile is so warm. “Now I’m not much of a healer,” she looks to the swelling and bruising that only seems to be getting worse, “but I think that I can make this bed a little more cozy if you still like lots of pillows.”

She does, very much so. 

The mattress shifts with Ursa’s rising, there comes an almost instinctual urge to tell her not to leave for fear that she wouldn’t return despite knowing that she is only going across the hall. In her wake Ursa leaves behind a whirling sense of vertigo. A something that Azula has trouble fathoming despite all of her wit and know how. 

Hope. 

Gentleness. 

She rolls onto her side. The bruises throb and ache. She closes her eyes and tries to process everything. That they had imprisoned her, that she had been careless enough to get caught. That she might have ruined things between she and Mohi’s sons irreparably. That her mother, her real, by blood mother wants to take care of her. 

Somehow this is the most dizzying concept. 

Somehow it is the most frightening. 

Ursa returns, her arms are overflowing with pillows and blankets. Yora trails behind her with another armful of pillows. “Once you get comfortable I can send for the healers.” Yora offers. 

“Send for them now.” She anticipates it taking them a while to get here. Snapdragon is no one to fuss over and rush for. 

Yora gives a soft smile and hands her the pillows. “I will.”

Azula begins arranging her pillows and blankets into a neat little nest, trying to leave ample space for the healers to do their work. She supposes that she will make it cozier when they are through with her. 

“I am happy that things are going well between you and Mai. Though I always thought that your brother was the one who was fond of her.” 

“He was, but he couldn’t keep her.” The off-handed remark slides from her tongue before she can stop it. It was a careless comment and she knows it by the flicker in her mother’s eye. Her stomach turns. The look passes but the fluttering remains. 

“Your brother can be temperamental. Mai doesn’t seem like the type of person who would want to deal with that. She isn’t the most sensitive person…”

“She is. She just has trouble expressing it.”

Ursa’s face softens and she quirks a brow. “Are we still talking about Mai?”

Azula shrugs. She is certain that she has just answered the question despite having said nothing at all. 

Ursa backtracks, “you love her very much, don’t you?”

Azula nods as she lays back once more. She cares for...she loves a lot of people. But, aside from Mohi, she isn’t sure that any of them love her. Not anymore anyhow. And she can’t really blame them. She is hard to love. Even as Snapdragon, she had baggage. A history. A list of streetfights, tantrums, and childish antics. 

“I’m glad to hear it, I was worried. The way that your father was rasing you…”

And there it is--what she had been expecting to hear from the start. “You thought that I was going to be a monster. That I’m not able to love people.” 

Ursa’s brows knit. “Oh no.” She frowns. “Azula, no, that isn’t what I think. I know that you can love people. I was just worried that your father was going to teach you to hide it and push everyone away.”

And she isn’t wrong. It is only because of Snapdragon that she knows she can love people. Her mother squeezes her hand, holds it tightly the way Mohi always had when she came home bruised and bloodied. If Mohi were here now, she would be pressing a rag to her scrapped knees and grumbling about how she ought to stop scaling occupied buildings. 

“I would like to see Mohi.” Azula might as well have slapped her mother. It isn’t that she doesn’t want to patch things up with the woman, that she doesn’t want her company at all. But she doesn’t tend to her the way that Mohi does. Doesn’t know how to cheer her up. 

The smile returns. “Don’t worry, I already sent someone to let her know that you are no longer in a cell and that she and her sons can come by.” 

Azula considers that they don’t want to come and see her. Her mother is quiet for a long time. “You should tell them who you are. You should tell Mai too.” 

“Kaz already knows.” 

Ursa smiles, “that’s wonderful.” 

“No. It isn’t.” 

She inhales, “and you tried to fix things with him, didn’t you.” 

“It didn’t work. Clearly.” She hugs one of the pillows to her chest. It is the softness and warmth that she could use. 

For some reason, her mother still smiles, almost as though she is relieved. “You’re willing to go rather far for them, aren’t you?”

She supposes that she is. And maybe that is why father had worked so hard to shape her into someone ruthless and unfeeling. He knew that it would be the destruction of her if he didn’t. Firebenders are too passionate. 

“It doesn’t matter. If Kaz is angry then so is Zenyul. Mohi won’t choose me over them, I’m not even her daughter.”

“I have a feeling that it is a little deeper than blood. A mother is a mother.” Ursa brushes Azula’s hair out of her face. 

“Mai won’t take it well either.” 

“Why would Mai be upset to know that her friend is still okay?”

“You’ve been gone for a long time, mother...” 

Chapter Text

“Kaz been tellin’ me some wil’ stories, girl.” Mohi grumbles. “Do ya wanna ‘splain what might’a made ‘im think ‘em up?”

“What stories?” 

She thinks that Mohi is only humoring her. She knows good and well that Azula is aware that she knows exactly which stories have been told. “Them ones ‘bout this,” she gestures to the palace, “bein’ yer birth home.”

Azula fusses with the bandages wrapped around her wrists. 

Mohi swats her hand, “quit fussin’ wit that.” For a kind moment, she thinks that Mohi doesn’t believe Kaz at all, she wouldn’t be so rough with her if she did.

Azula shrugs. 

“I know yer lyin’. I ken tell. Ken always tell wit’choo. Yes, I ken.”  The woman frowns. Azula has come to know that frown so well. And it usually comes with a stern scolding and, had she gotten into a tussle, a mildly sturdy swat. 

“I live here, Mohi.” She says. There’s no sense in drawing it out. Maybe she can get away with just that. 

“I wanna see yer fire.”

“I can’t right now.” She gestures to the bandages. 

“Ain’t take no hard werk ta hol’ yer hand out ‘n make a lil’ fire. Zenyul was doin it as a baby.”

“You already know what you’re going to see.” Azula resigns. 

She nods, “what we got that ya ain’t got here?”

“I only just got my memories back.” She says as though that explains anything. 

“Then why ya still stick around? Ya only have ta show them yer fire.” 

“I don’t have people who care about me here.” She answers the first question. “I wanted to stay with you, Kaz, and Zenyul.” 

She is taken aback when Mohi gives her a good swat. “Then what ya playin’ games for, girl? ‘Specially them high stakes games.”

She opens her mouth and closes it again. She could blame habit, but she has been Snapdragon for too long the habit to have come back so naturally. She had been so freshly conflicted. She doesn’t think that it was a game at all, she would have been much more careful, more analytical, would have had a strategy if it had been. Truth be told she is certain that it was fear. Fear of being alone all over again.

Fear of losing everything again. 

“It wasn’t a game.” Is all she says. It was fear and confusion and a healthy dose of haunting past failures. “I didn’t want to lose you. You lost a lavish home and a stable lifestyle for me. I found a way to fix it and it would have worked if I hadn’t gotten caught. There are enough people who want nothing to do with me...”  

“Ya royals ‘n nobles go ‘n make everythin’ so complicated. I wouldda given ya a good yell ‘n then sent ya ta git us a good meal.”

“Zenyul…”

“Is more upset ‘cause ya ain’t think ta bring home none of that royal grub.” Mohi rubs her hands over her face. “That’s all ya had ta do. Swipe a snack every now ‘n then.‘Stead ya go ‘n steal from yer own treasury. Jus’ coz ya got yer upper class knowledge back, ain’t mean ya gotta git rid’a ya common street sense. Royals ain’t very smart.” 

Azula isn’t exactly sure what sort of noise she makes but it is of the aghast, offended variety. “I am…people know me for my cunning.” 

“I ain’t one’a them folks.” Mohi shrugs. 

More to herself she mumbles, “I’m the smartest person I know.”

“‘Cause yer surrounded by dumb folks.” 

Azula blinks. 

“Ain’t the same thing ta know politics ‘n know folks.” Mohi declares. “Ya ken win all the battles ‘n war games ya want, ya sure can’t figure out how  ta treat other folks.” 

She knows how to treat other people, she swears that she does…

“Folks ain’t like a lair. ‘S hard ta talk ta a liar.”

“I had to…”

Mohi shakes her head. “Wha’cha had ta do was trust us. Ya ain’t had ta lie.”

She feels queasy. 

Trust. 

It’s always trust. 

Snapdragon had innocence and naivety and the trust that came with it. Snapdragon would have just told Mohi outright, just as she had when she’d broken into Iwaken boys’ home. 

Her throat knots, it could have been that simple. She fights to keep her eyes from getting misty. She doesn’t think that it is working very well. “I’m not good at that.”

“Ya are, ya jus’ ain’t know it.” 

Azula furrows her brows. 

“Ya think too much. That’s the problem wit ya royals. Ya keep thinkin’ ‘n thinkin’ til’ things ain’t make a lick’a sense anymore. ‘N then ya wonder why things are so difficult. Sometimes things are simple.”

“This isn’t. I already know how people react to me. They don’t like me.” She sounds like a child. “Everyone leave me.”

“Was ya lyin’ ta them?” 

“What?” 

“Them folks who left ya. Did ya let ‘em in ta begin wit?”

Azula swallows. 

“Can’t no one be ya friend if ya don’t let ‘em. Snapdragon was so earnest, no one could hate her. ‘Cept them folks who look down on everyone.”

“I like being Snapdragon more, she’s easier to...to love.”

“Then be Snapdragon. ‘N I ain’t mean for ya ta keep pretendin’. Ya go ‘n be honest like Snapdragon. Ya go ‘n take the best bits ‘a both’a ya. ‘N ya put them bits tagehter.” 

Chapter Text

She waited too long. 

Hesitated for too long.

And now, as she is growing used to, the damage has been done. 

She thinks that Mai has known for a while now. Likely she had overheard she and Mohi conversing. She is almost certain that this it had been a test of honesty, that she has been waiting for her to come out with the truth that she had already guessed. And, by all means, she was going to--truly, she was--but, just as likely, Mai had set a time frame. One that Azula failed to act within. 

“How long have you had your memories, Azula?” She hisses. 

“Since around the night of our first date.” Her voice is quiet and even. Level for now. 

“That long? Spirits! You and Zuko are both the same.” 

“Oh wow, she’s really mad at you, Snapdragon.” Zuko remarks as he sneaks on by.

She isn’t sure if she wants to grab him by his pompous fire lord’s robe and give him a good whack or laugh at the his ignorance to the context. Laugh at the sense of unity they might soon have in Mai’s cold resentment. 

“I was going to tell you.”

“When?” Mai asks. “Because it seems like you just like to run, whether you’re Azula or Snapdragon. You always run.” She rolls her eyes. “Just like Zuko.” This is pointedly louder than the statements prior. 

“Are you trying to get kicked out of the palace.”

Mai quirks a brow. “It’s not like I have anything important to stay for.” She rubs her hands over her face. “How am I supposed to manage the flower shop on my own?”

Azula doesn’t understand. The solution is clear. “You aren’t running it alone.”

“Yes. I am.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“I would rather try to handle everything on my own than handle anything with you .”

Azula her stomach and hopes sink in unison. “You liked running the shop with me.”

“I liked running the shop with Snapdragon . Not you.” Her lip curls into a scowl on the last word.

She wonders how it is that Mai always knows just what to say to break her...to shatter her. It is just what Azula had dreaded. Exactly why she couldn’t muster up the willingness to tell her. And yet she is almost certain that Mai would have stuck around if she did. Why else would she have waited so long to start this confrontation? 

“We’re the same person.” She doesn’t think that it is the weakest defense, but it isn’t a strong one and it is the only one that she has. 

Mai shakes her head. “Snapdragon was genuine.”

“I’m trying to be.”

“Trying isn’t good enough.” Mai hisses. “Not for you.”

“What about for me?” 

Mai rolls her eyes. “You’ve had so many chances, Zuko. I’d take Azula back before I took you.”

Azula isn’t if it is she who cringes harder or he. She grows less tense when the depth of her words seems to go over his head. At least she can take comfort in that her odds are better than Zuko’s, though she knows that he has set the bar as low as ever. 

“You are in a dreadful mood.” Zuko comments. 

“Well I guess that you and Snapdragon have something to bond over. Maybe she’ll be honest with you, she already made a mess with Mohi’s sons and I.”

Finally at her patience's end she scoffs, “why don’t you go bond with Kaz then?”

“Perhaps I will.” 

Zuko waits for her to make it down the hall, “what did you do?” He flinches. “I thought that, that reaction was reserved for me.” 

“I guess that we both just have a special talent for making her angry, Zuzu.” 

“Yeah clearl--wait, what did you just call me?”

She doesn’t repeat herself. She doesn’t need to. She has already made everyone she cares about angry with her, what’s one more person? One more person who she had never been close with or gotten close to, to begin with.

“Azula, how?” 

She sidesteps his curious touch. 

“The same way that mother did.” 

“Spirts,” he chuckles, she doesn’t see where he finds humor. “Wait until Ami finds out about this one.”

She almost certainly would have laughed if she weren’t feeling so dismal. “That’s it? That’s what you have to say.”

“I don’t know what else to say. It’s a little late for ‘welcome home’, you’ve been back for a while now. I knew that you’d turn up eventually, you always do.” 

She shrugs, “you’re usually more dramatic than this.” Evidently she is almost disappointed. “Where is the yelling and the lamenting. Bursts of fire, give me something.”

“Azula, Mai told me that you ate a whole marigold, I’m still processing that .” 

.oOo.

She doesn’t even know the man. He is charming enough in appearance, sure. She thinks that he is half Water Tribesman and half Fire National. His complexion is darker though his eyes are a bright gold. His hair a deep black but beaded and braided as they do in the tribes. He has a soft goatee in the making.

He isn’t so bad as far as personality goes. He has a sense of humor, but it isn’t one she shares. He has a passion for firebending, but it is quite generic. He is generic and she wonders if that is due to having spent so much time with Snapdragon. She cruses Azula twice over for setting a surprisingly high and bizarre standard. 

It is no matter. 

There doesn’t need to be any real connection where spite is involved. 

She thinks that he might actually have a real spark for her. One that she is too indifferent to reciprocate. But she supposes that one hurt leads to another. One heartache can make a dozen more. 

Likely it is as simple as resenting Azula more than it is actually loving one another. Anyways, she can’t imagine that one discussion and one practice kiss could ignite anything real. Kaz leans himself against the wall as they wait for the dinner crowd to arrive. 

Mostly the traffic consists of chefs and servers.

She leans closer to Kaz. If she has Azula’s schedule down, she will be making her way down the hall shortly. 

She hears her voice before she sees her. Something in her heart flutters. That voice, it had been such a delight to hear. Something to look forward to and get enthusiastic about. Mai inhales before leaning in for the kiss. 

It feels just as dispassionate as she had expected and laced with a dash of guilt. She doesn’t stop though. Not until she hears Azula’s sentence cut short. Not until she detects a familiar aura of betrayal. 

She wonders what TyLee would say if she weren’t off with they Kyoshi warriors on some thrilling mission. She wonders if TyLee has found someone she loves, someone who makes her happy. She wonders why she is thinking of TyLee at all. 

She supposes it is better than thinking about the feeling of Kaz’s lips and the whir of emotions within.

Dinner is tense. Azula hardly speaks. When she does it is to ask Mohi to pass her a spice shaker. Once or twice she exchanges words with Zuko. The uneasy fluttering in her tummy is made worse when she compares this solemn meal to the lively and chaotic ones she’d shared with Snapdragon before. 

Azula excuses herself before the main course. 

There is a part of her that wants to sigh heavily and tell her to sit back down. Most of her is still so angry. Angry and hurt. And those parts let Azula go.

She had gotten with Snapdragon to feel something and now she is feeling too much.

.oOo.

It is late, she isn’t sure just how much so, when she arrives at her factory. It has been so long since she has seen it. Somehow it looks unfamiliar, daunting and uninviting. 

That is until she touches her hand to the metal, it is still very warm from the day’s excessive heat. She closes her eyes, it is familiar. 

It is still a comfort. 

She ignores the stain that the rust leaves on her palms as she finds her first foothold. It is automatic at this point, and quick and easy ascent. She reaches the first landing, a rickety old fire exit. The last of it’s emergency staircase had crumbled a few weeks prior, it still rests haphazardly on the ground. She leaps from it to the balcony above it, with a blast of fire for good measure. 

She will make it to the top this time. 

She swears it.

She will, because this time she has her fire and no trepidations.

She makes it past the highest balcony. To the point where there are only overly large rivets to hold. She takes a deep breath and pushes forward. This is the highest she has ventured. She propels herself with a steady stream of fire, her hands find stability on one of the spokes. 

She looks down, Caldera city is a glow with lanterns and bonfires. A beacon of wealth and culture and she has the pleasure of taking it all in at once. She thinks that she doesn’t really need anything else. 

She is eager to see it from the very highest point of the factory. It isn’t so far away now. And being so close to it, she isn’t sure how she hadn’t made it to this point sooner. It should only take one more blast of fire and a careful placement of her hands. She observes it for a good while before settling on an optimal angle to propel herself from and the best place to set her hands. 

She takes another deep breath and shifts her weight. 

The spoke buckles. 

Chapter Text

She doesn’t come home that night or the next. So Mai caves, partially under the pressure of Ursa’s rising anxiety. 

“She’s probably at ‘er factory.” Mohi shrugs. 

This does little to alleviate Ursa’s concert. “Her what? ”

“It used to manufacture war machines.” Zenyul remarks. 

“An abandoned factory!? Those are...they’re unsanitary and full of blades and broken beams.” 

“She always goes there when she’s upset.” She cuts Mai a pointed glare and just like that she recalls the woman’s warning not to hurt her daughter. “Been goin’ ta that factory fer a long while now. Ain’t nothing to worry ‘bout.” Mohi assures. 

“She’s been gone for…”

“Only a day.” Zuko cups his hand over Ursa’s. “Azula can take care of herself. She’ll come back when she’s ready.” 

“Girl jus’ needs time ta clear ‘er head s’all.” 

“I’ll go check on her.” Mai grumbles. She is certain that she will come to regret this decision. Whether Azula is withdrawn or furious she is in for a difficult and tedious time. Really she shouldn’t go at all. But, frankly, she’d do just about anything to keep Mohi from glaring at her with that much hatred. 

“Boy, ya git  on up ‘n go find your sister!”

Both Kaz and Zuko rise. 

“I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout ‘choo.” She jabs her finger at Zuko.

“He doesn’t have to come.” Mai grumbles. 

“He’s a goin’.”

The argument is settled. It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have to talk to him. And she doesn’t. It isn’t out of hatred nor dislike. It isn’t out of anything at all in particular. Perhaps it is just less awkward. They reach the factory and she leaves Kaz to do the calling. He tries Snapdragon first and after getting no answer he tries ‘princess’ and then ‘Azula’. 

Mai finally speaks directly to him, I’ll look inside, I know where her nest is. You can check around outside.”

“Yeah, that werks.” He agrees.

The building has a certain chill to it now that Azula has left it vacant for some time. She is twice as hesitant to ascend the ladder, it seems to sway more than ever and when she reaches the top, she finds no reward. Azula isn’t in there picking through her hoard. 

She climbs back down and takes the stairs to the upper levels. She is beginning to speculate that Azula isn’t here. She wouldn’t put it past her to have run off to find the Forgetful Valley a second time. 

With a drawn sigh she takes the fire escape. 

This is where she finds Azula and her stomach has never plummeted faster. By Agni’s fire, she wishes that the princess would have just run off into the jungle again. She is so still, so nauseatingly still. And there is blood.  Too much of it. 

Spirits, has she been here all night. She feels queasy beyond compare. She nearly hurls over the side of the railing when she sees Azula’s legs. She takes a deep breath, “Kaz!” Her voice strains, she isn’t used to yelling so loudly. “Kaz!”

“Ya find her?”

“Yeah, and I need your help.”

She is scared to feel for her pulse. She reaches out regardless. It is only faintly reassuring to find a subtle beating. She rubs her hands over her face. She shouldn’t have kissed Kaz. Spirits, what was she thinking. 

Snapdragon’s goofy lopsided smile appears in her mind, accompanied by that delighted and loud laugh. Her face is so still, her expression so pained. It doesn’t sit will, not on Snapdragon. On Azula, sure. But not on the face of joyful Snapdragon. 

.oOo.

Her head hurts.

Her legs hurt, what she can feel of them anyways.

Everything just hurts. 

She forces her eyes open, expecting to see the sun glaring mercilessly down upon her. She doesn’t remember when she had passed out. She recalls that she had been trying to stop the bleeding and then nothing at all. 

But she is not strewn out on hard metal. She is back in the infirmary and wrapped in more bandages than when she had left. 

There is no one around, no one save for a healer. She swallows, the really are all angry with her. She tries to sit up and the healer is by her side in an instant, gently coaxing her back to the mattress. “Not yet.” She says gently.  “At least wait until your food gets here.” She hands her a cup of water. 

Some fifteen minutes pass and then another five. And Mai enters. She sets a small bento box in her lap. “I’m not a very good cook. Kaz and Zenyul did most of the work.” 

Azula nods and heaves herself into a sitting position. She feels so dizzy and tired and her fingers fumble with the box. Mai helps her pry the lid open. She picks at the rice first and then a small helping of noodles. 

“You didn’t have to jump.” Mai mumbles. 

For a moment she doesn’t register the weight of the remark. When she does, she shakes her head. “I was just trying to get to the top. I figured that I could do it now that I have my bending back…”

She supposes that she won’t be doing much of that anymore. Her face pales; she can’t climb, she can’t do parkour, she can’t even get to her hoard. She can’t do anything that can help take her mind off of things. 

Mai looks profoundly relieved. “You really did just fall?”

She holds out her sprained wrist, “I hurt it more trying to catch myself.” She thinks that maybe if it hadn't been so bruised prior, she might not have hurt it so badly. She wonders if she’ll be able to walk again. She inquires as much and the healer comes to her with a small pin. She pricks Azula’s thigh and then her calf. She winces with each. 

“You’ll be fine as long as you let your legs heal right.” 

Azula lays back, it is more than a relief.

“Kaz helped you make this?” She gestures to the box. 

Mai nods. 

“He’s still mad?”

She nods again. “I don’t think that he will be for long.” 

“Are you?” 

“I want to be.” Mai sighs. “I really want to be...” 

“But…”

“You just fell off of a building and you look like a kicked rabaroo. It’s kind of pathetic.” She laughs.

Azula frowns and crosses her arms. “Where is mother?”

“Which one?” 

“Both of them.” 

“I can get them for you. Zuko will probably tag along.”  

She starts to stand but Azula catches her by the wrist. “Stay with me.” 

With a sigh, Mai sits back down. 

.oOo.

Azula still doesn’t let go of her hand. Likely she thinks that she is going to try to leave again. She exhales again and brushes Azula’s hair out of her face. She rests her hand on her cheek. “At least you don’t have to worry about any new scars, they’ll disappear when you get your real face back.” 

“My face, not my body.” Azula replies. “I don’t think that my body changed.” 

Mai shrugs, the last fragments of her anger fall away when Azula looks back at the bento box and mutters, “you forgot the marigold.” 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d still eat that.”

Azula quirks a brow. “I had my memories when we opened up the new shop.”

Mai doesn’t know how her brain had managed to gloss that one over. “Are you trying to tell me that, that wasn’t part of trying to pretend like you didn’t have your memories?”

Azula clears her throat, “the taste grew on me.” 

 “Spirits, you’re a feral little beast beast.” Mai rolls her eyes. She really can’t hate her. Not anymore. Not when the line between Snapdragon and Azula is so blurred. Not when it becomes so outright that they are one and the same. She carefully lifts Azula’s bandaged hand and, with a moment of hesitation, offers it a little kiss before putting it back down just below her chest. Azula cradles it in her uninjured hand. 

“Who do you think is going to have the better lecture; Mohi or Ursa?”

“Honestly, I can’t wait to listen to both.”

“Did Zuko cry?”

“It was more like this look of distress and concern. 

“Good.”

“Good?”

“People care about me.” She clarifies. “I didn’t think people cared about me.”

“Of course we care about…”

“Everyone cares about Snapdragon. I...I didn’t think that anyone cared about me .” 

Mai bites the inside of her cheek, she probably hadn’t helped any in that regard. “That’s why you became Snapdragon, isn’t it?”

Azula nods, “I was tired of being alone. A new face was my best chance.”

“You didn’t think to try to apologize?”

Azula cringes. “I’m not good with that. I don’t think that I would have felt loved if it was given to me...no memories came with no...trust issues.” 

Mai rubs her lips together and tenderly strokes the back of Azula's hand. “I guess that it would have been difficult to just apologize and move on.” She can’t even promise the princess that she would have given her a chance. She has an inkling that Azula knows it too. Of course she does, she wouldn’t have run off if she hadn’t. 

“Well, maybe it’s a good thing you did leave.” Zuko shrugs. Mai isn’t sure how long he had been standing there; Azula’s cringe tells her that she isn’t sure either.  

“Why’s that, Zuzu?” She mumbles. “So you could have a break from me?”

“That too. But also because…” He ponders for a moment. “Because I think that Snapdragon is a part of you. The part that you’ve been afraid to show everyone. A new face gave you the chance to do it.” 

Azula’s cheeks color ever so subtly. “That’s not…I’m not some feral...” 

Mai holds her pointer to Azula’s lips and quirks a brow. “You don’t have to repress yourself. Trust me, it...its tiresome.” Maybe she ought to start surfacing her own bizarre interests and odd habits. The ones that her mother would chastise her for. 

“We like you better when you don’t refine and polish yourself. You’re easier to talk to.” 

Azula nods. “You guys like me.”

Mai sighs. “Yes we like you, Azula, not just Snapdragon.”

She opens her mouth. 

“Not just the Snapdragon parts of you. All of you.” Zuko adds.

“Even the part that is going to laugh at you for crying over me.” 

Zuko cringes. “You’re pushing it.”

“But you’re still going to bring me a cup of tea?”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “Fine, I’ll get you a cup of tea.” 

Azula smiles and nuzzles her head into her pillow. She closes her eyes.  

Mai wants to get up and fetch herself a scroll or knitting supplies, or something to occupy herself with while Azula rests but she told the princess that she wouldn’t leave. She supposes that it wouldn’t hurt to have a rest for herself. It had been a stressful few days. 

.oOo.

Azula feels as though her life has come to a bleak standstill. She can’t climb nor scramble, she can’t firebend to her liking, and she can’t go out and reclaim her old face. Though it is rather nice to have Mai caring for her; bringing her meals and laying on the bed with her. She sits as close as she can without risking damaging Azula’s legs worse. The princess is dissatisfied to find that Mai usually keeps a foot or two between them, despite insistence that she isn’t that fragile. 

Mohi and Ursa check in frequently to the point that she thinks they are hovering. Were her speech written, Mohi would be pages into a multi-part lecture on climbing safety and not doing anything bold and risk at the height of anger. 

It doesn’t matter how many times she insists that it would have been relaxing had she not fallen. 

Ursa is softer, but equally as annoying. It is all forehead kisses, babying, and doting. But she doesn’t want to push her away again, so the woman gets away with it. She finds that Zuko is, to her shock and dismay, the most pleasant company. 

He brings her things to keep her busy; lets her help him work through some of the more tedious and tricky contracts and proposals that the council presents him with. It keeps her mind sharp and makes her feel useful. Other times he will bring a Paisho board or other strategy games. Sometimes he just sits and tells her stories while she and Mai listen. 

One day he tells her that, by the time she heals fully, TyLee should be around to vision. Her heart flutters at this. She wonders how the woman will take her relationship with Mai. 

.oOo. 

It is good to see Azula getting fresh air again. She seems happier for it, far less grumpy. In general, being at the flower shop seems to soothe her. She has taken to opening all of the windows, letting in a breeze that has the petals and leaves in a constant state of rustling. 

She watches her engage in conversation as she hands over a bouquet of iris, clover, and foxglove. She is certain that it is doing Azula well to speak with the general public; if there is one thing that Snapdragon and Azula share it is that they both stumble through basic conversation in some way or another. 

She wonders if Azula will continue working at the shop once she gets her own face back. 

Mai watches the customer leave, the last rush of the day has finally come to a close. “I think that this is the most you’ve talked to anyone...ever.” 

Azula swivels her wheelchair around to face Mai and shrugs. “I am tired.” 

Mai sighs, “you did good.” She rubs the princess’ shoulders and gives her a soft kiss. Azula puts her hands in her lap. “How is your wrist feeling?”

“Sore.”

“And your legs?”

“Right now, they aren’t.” 

Mai chuckles. “Do you want a cup of tea? I’ve been saving some leaves so you have plenty of choices.” 

Azula nods and rummages through her collection and picks out several flavors. “Any of these will do.” 

.oOo.

She isn’t much help with closing duties; she can’t reach the cleaning supplies from her chair and it is rather hard to hold a broom and wheel herself around at the same time. It is just as well, she really doesn’t like cleaning anyhow. The messes have always been funner to make. She can see it in Mai’s eyes that she is relieved that she doesn’t have to clean up a counter full of dirt, the sort of mess that she used to leave behind when Snapdragon would scoop up handfuls of dirt just to watch it sift out of her closed fist. 

Granted she still does this from time to time when she grows bored, but she keeps her space nice and tidy. There is something relaxing about watching dirt fall, something about the feeling of it shifting in her palm. 

When she is through she withdraws her hand and ignites a small flame to burn away that which is still stuck to her hand. 

“You ready to go?” Mai asks. 

“Yes.” 

“I suppose that you’re going to have a bath when you get home?” 

“Correct.” 

She isn’t sure what kind she will have under orders to not get her casts wet. “You are going to have to help me.”

“Why don’t you have one of your serving girls--”

Azula shakes her head, “that’s...uncomfortable.” She paues. “I trust you.” 

Mai smiles. She thinks that that is what implores her to roll her eyes and agree to help. Undressing is such a tedious task one that is sprinkled with questions like, “how did you even get these pants on?”  And answers like, “with effort and an hour or so.” 

“I am going to have Yora get you a robe.”

“Yes. That is what I wear to bed.” 

“It’s what you’re going to wear in the day too, so we don’t have to struggle like this again.” Mai carefully lifts her out of the wheelchair and sits her upon the edge of the spring and hands her a towel. 

She finds that bathing is no longer a relaxing endeavor, it is a constant fight to keep her casts dry. 

“A little water isn’t going to hurt it.” Mai insists as Azula brings the towel to wipe away the water that has made its way into her lap for, well she has lost count of how many times now. 

“It would be helpful to have a water bender to just shift it around and create a space for my legs.” 

“Well we don’t have any waterbenders on hand.” Mai replies and hands Azula a bar of soap. She scrubs herself with both haste and efficacy and dries herself just as quickly. She waits for Mai to disappear and come back with her robes. She dresses herself and Mai helps her back into the wheelchair. 

She smells, once again, like Snapdragon and Firelily. 

And for it she feels like herself again.

Mai helps her into bed. 

Though it is a lot cozier, she finds that she doesn’t need her nest when Mai chooses to spend the night in her bed. Mai is just as warm as her softest pillow and is much better for conversation. Sleeping isn’t exactly comfortable, consider her preference for sleeping on her side or stomach. But Mai makes it more bearable by either rubbing her arms or stroking the back of her hands. 

Mostly, this coaxes her to sleep.

And it is nice to wake up to a slumbering Mai still holding her hand. 

Chapter Text

Being in the Forgetful Valley once brings a kaleidoscope of emotions and none of them are kind. Mostly there is a sense of some distant melancholy with a touch of anger and a dash of fear. There is an unexpected undercut of guilt. She stares at her mother. Her mother who she had tried to kill the last time she had ventured to this place. And Zuko who she had bickered with the whole time. 

“Yer not happy?” Kaz remarks. 

Azula shakes her head. 

“But don’cha like the jungle?” Zenyul asked. “Ya loved it the last time we were here.” 

“This one doesn’t like me.” 

Kaz quirks a brow.

“She was setting a lot of things on fire.” Zuko remarks. 

“Why?”

“I was mad.” This time around she is simply uncomfortable and uneasy. She tries to muster up the enthusiasm that usually comes with a chance to scavenge and pick up little oddities and trinkets. But she can’t seem to settle her nerves, even if the spirits are leaving her alone--likely they don’t recognize her as the same person who had antagonized them last time. She still doesn’t take comfort in this.

Not until night falls. 

She thinks it strange that she finds comfort in the darkness.

But the darkness offers a cozy campfire and an opportunity to nestle closer to Mai in her sleeping bag. 

It is only when the fire is roaring and blazing that she finally she begins to settle down. It’s crackle along side the the chirp of crickets and crooning of the toad-squirrels creates a much friendlier ambience. Something that feels like home. Something that resonates with the part of her soul and mind that Snapdragon inhibits.

It is Zenyul who begins the campfire stories and Kaz who cooks the meal. She and Zuko keep the fire going nice and well while Mai relaxes and watches sparks trail up towards the star dazzled sky.

It smells divine, the smoke and the freshly cooked meat. It burns the last of her anxieties away. She falls asleep in Mai’s arms to the sound of the jungle stirring.

.oOo. 

Now that the fear has dissipated and the gauze of guilt and sorrow have been lifted away, she feels light. She feels free. She leaps onto a fallen tree and walks along it until there is no more length to walk. Mai extends her arm and Azula takes it as she hops down. 

Every now and then patches of sunlight spill through the canopy, she watches gnats and dragonflies flit about within the rays. She finds herself wandering ahead of the group, but it is just as well, it leaves her time to kick over rocks and inspect them.  

Occasionally she finds one that she likes; one that is particularly smooth another that has the imprint of a long dead fern and another that shimmers with small foggy quartz. 

She slips all of them into a small pouch.

She also comes across an old arrowhead, a cluster of beads, and a broken necklace. Each trinket finds its way into her pouch. The greatest treasure that she comes away with is a little chunk of hardened sap--an small bead of amber that holds a dragonfly. 

“How do ya keep spottin’ all’a these things!? Spirits, I can’t even find me a decent lookin’ rock.” Kaz grumbles. 

“You have to know what to look for.” She thinks that she has simply acquired an eye for them. “Or maybe you have to wander ahead of the group and find them before I do. You won’t though.”

“I’ll wander ahead!”

“But I will still spot them first.” She holds her chin high. She springs up onto a tree stump and jumps from it to a rock and then another larger rock. She takes pause as the others catch up. 

“Be careful.” Ursa winces when she very nearly misses her mark. 

“If I can survive a fall from a smoke stack, I think I can manage a rock just fine, mother.” She means to be reassuring but she thinks that she has missed the mark. 

“Do you want me to tell Mohi that you have been doing reckless things?” Ursa asks. 

“It’s not reckless. Mohi won’t care.” She shrugs. 

“Why don’t you come down and walk by me for a little while?” Mai asks. She hears her mother’s sigh of relief when she takes Mai up on the offer. 

“How much further do we have to go anyways?” Mai groans. “My feet are getting sore and look at this.” She holds out her arm. It is red and lumpy with bug bites. 

“You’re a good guard, Mai.”

“A good guard?”

Azula nods and rolls up her own sleeves revealing unblemished arms, at most there is one small bump. “They have been busy with you.”

“Whatever.” 

.oOo.

The Mother of Faces looks none too pleased to see her again. Especially after what feels like so soon. It has been a good year or two, though she supposes that is only a fragment of time in someone as long lived as the Mother of Faces. 

“Well?” Zenyul gestures towards the spirit. 

“Give me a moment.” Azula mumbles. 

“Give you a moment?” Zuko quirks a brow. “The last time we were here, you marched right up to her and demanded to know where our mom was.” 

“The last time I was here I was…” angry, impulsive, reckless, “...not myself.” 

“By all means, you’re still not yourself.” He points out.

“I was not thinking like myself.” 

“Go get it over with.” Mai nudges her forward. 

“The worst thing she ken do is tell ya to screw off.” Kaz shrugs.

“Or she can give me a hideous face like yours.” 

“I’m downright beu-ti-ful, actually.” 

Azula inhales and approaches the spirit. The vines twisting up her body write and pulse, she smells of resin and kelp. She smells like comfort and yet she is intimidating all the same if only for height alone. 

She isn’t sure what to say. She has already pushed her luck speaking to the spirit more than once and she is absolutely certain that she had worn her patience thin the first time. That the spirit was more than happy to take the face and memories of someone like herself.

“I had a feeling that you would be back.” The Mother of Faces finally speaks when she realizes that Azula wouldn’t be initiating conversation. “I cannot say that it is pleasant to see you again.” 

Azula’s stomach sinks. Perhaps she should retreat while she still has her memories intact and a face that she has grown to appreciate. Absently she traces her fingers over the scars on her cheek. “Is it a pleasure to see my mother again?”

Ursa gives a small wave and comes to stand next to Azula. She must admit that it is a comfort to have the woman’s hand on her shoulder. “My daughter would like her face back.” She gestures to Zuko, “we would like to be a family again.” 

The Mother of Faces seems to scan them over. “That means very little to me. And even less concerning you.” She doesn’t have to look at her for Azula to know who ‘you’ is. She waits for her heart to sink but she finds that it doesn’t. 

Evidently she doesn’t think that she would be too troubled to keep Snapdragon’s face. It is the face that Mai fell in love with. The face that found her Mohi, Kaz, and Zenyul. The face that made amends with Zuko. 

“You have only made demands of me all while disrespecting my jungle. And now you would like my help, again.” 

“I haven’t disrespected your jungle this time.” She frowns. “Unless you’d like your rocks back.” She holds out the pouch. 

“I would.” 

Azula shifts through the pouch, she has collected several particularly lovely things. Things that she isn’t sure she’d come by again. She retracts her hand. 

“Azula, what are you doing?” Mai grumbles. 

She hates to admit it but, “I like them.” She clutches her treasures to her chest. 

“More than your old face?”

Azula shrugs. “I’m fine with this one.” 

“Seriously, if we walked all of this way for nothing…”

“It wasn’t for nothing. We walked all of this way so I could add these to my collection.” 

Mai rubs her hands over her face. “Well I hope that they make your nest look extra pretty because I’ve been eaten alive to get them.” 

“They will.” 

“That is your decision?” The Mother of Faces draws attention back to herself. “You’d rather have little trinkets than your face?” 

“I’ve gotten used to this one anyways.” Azula shrugs, suddenly unsure if she wants to go through the process of getting reacquainted with her old one. She finds that she doesn’t really have a choice; the Mother of Faces is reaching out, her hand clamps over and around her head. 

And with it comes a sense of unbearable vertigo. She has only enough time to dread losing the memories that Snapdragon has made for her before her knees buckle and her world goes blurry and then dark.

.oOo.

It is one thing to watch Snapdragon leap energetically about and another matter to watch Azula do it. It is harder to get used to than Mai would like to admit. Though Azula herself seems quite content. 

But then, Azula hasn’t yet looked at herself. It might be better for her to wait. It is better to not risk spoiling her cheerful mood. She is seated upon the roots of a mangrove tree, kicking her feet at the water below. From the mangrove she has harvested a few roots and an abandoned nest of some sort. 

This too is jarring. It is no longer Snapdragon whose clothes are caked in mud. No longer Snapdragon whose face is smeared with it. No longer Snapdragon who has loose, tangled hair. 

She watches Azula slip into the water below and scrub at her face. “Where are my shoes, Mai?”

Mai holds them up and Azula takes them. She squeezes the excess water out of her hair and clothing. 

“Ugg, you smell like pond water.”

“You aren’t going to bathe?” 

Mai supposes that she has a point. She probably doesn’t smell much better but she doesn’t fancy a dip. “I don’t want pentapus sucking on my legs.” 

“There are no pentapus in this lake.”

“Then what’s this?” Kaz asks. Azula cringes as he pries one off of her neck and releases it back into the water. 

“A single pentapus. It is not an issue.” 

“What ‘bout that one?” He lifts her left arm and plucks another pentapus. 

“That’s the thing ‘bout pentapus. Ya ain’t feel ‘em until they come off.” Zenyul remarks. 

“Just take a bath.” Azula folds her arms across her chest. “All of you.” 

.oOo.

Azula sits in front of the mirror for the longest time, staring at the face within and only staring. Staring until she begins to grow used to it. Begins to remember it. Remember the one or two freckles that are there without makeup to conceal them. Remember the shape of her lips and the curving slope of her nose. 

She is almost sure that her face had been sharper, more pointed like Mai’s. Instead she finds that her features are quite delicate. Likely they always had been. Unlike her eyes, sharp and fierce. She likes her eyes. 

“Geez, you’re making that Chan guy look humble.” Mai comments. “Stop staring at yourself and let's get dressed. We have a shop to run, remember?”

Azula touches her fingers to her lips. “I…” she trails off. “It feels strange…”

Mai’s face softens. “You’ll get used to it. Just give yourself some time.” 

Azula nods and turns away from the mirror. Mai bends down and gives her a small kiss. “Come on, we can go to your factory and drop your new trinkets off after we close the shop.” 

Chapter Text

There are many things that Mai has to get used to seeing. Things like Azula, dainty and proper Azula, sitting cross legged on the floor surrounded by both useless junk and rare finds. Azula stringing together a new trash necklace. Azula fixing said necklace around her neck. Azula setting the remaining mangrove roots aside. 

Her hoard is more organized now; bones are piled with bones, rocks are with rocks, and plant bits are with plant bits. There is also a stack of miscellaneous things, but even that pile has order; it is sorted by color. 

“What does that one mean?” Mai points at the preserved fire lily stem. It is placed next to the mangrove roots on her necklace. 

“I’ve always been fond of them, that is all.” 

“And the scales?”

“They remind me of dragons. And dragons remind me of me.” 

The charm next to that is a golden bead engraved with the insignia of firebending. That one is self explanatory. “The scrap metal.”

“It is a piece of the drill.”

“I think that we lost that fight.”

Azula rolls her eyes. “Thanks for all of the effort you put in that day.”

“Any time.” Mai shrugs. “What about those last two.” 

Azula gestures to the scrap of cloth. “Part of a Fire Nation flag. And this cog is from one of the war balloons. I fight for my nation.” 

Mai nods. There is something so strangely satisfying in seeing Azula so seamlessly adapt Snapdragon’s lifestyle with her own. Something so strangely reassuring; she hasn’t lost the woman she’d fallen in love with. And she has fallen back in love with an old friend. One that she was certain that she’d stay well away from. 

Azula holds out her hand and Mai takes it. 

.oOo.

Azula relaxes into the chair as Ami runs a comb through her locks while Yora holds up her recently manicured hand. She rubs lotion upon the top of it. 

“Ami.” She says at last. 

“Yes, princess?”

“Remember those empty perfume bottles that you were looking for?”

She inhales deeply. “I do, princess.”

“I took those. They are in my dirty peasant factory.” 

Yora stifles a laugh and Ami gives another deep inhale. “I’m sure that they are. I hope you are enjoying them.”

“Yes, I am enjoying them very well.”

“You are really smug right now, aren’t you?” Yora asks. 

“Absolutely.” Azula confirms. “Ami is used to it. Ami enjoys it.”

“I enjoy it significantly more than that squirmy Snapdragon.” 

“We are the same person.” 

“I am well aware.” 

Azula cannot tell if her deadpan tone is of the humored variety or if she is genuinely irritated. 

“And I am relieved that you have your table manners back.” 

Azula is certain that she is just relieved to have her back in general. She should probably stop teasing but, especially after having been looked down upon for quite some time, she can’t resist at least one final jab, “give me a box of mochi and some roast duck and we’ll see about that.”

Her brushing comes to a halt and her face pales some. Yora gives a snorting laugh. Azula closes her eyes again and lets Ami finish grooming her in peace.

.oOo. 

Mai isn’t sure if it would be more reassuring to reunite with TyLee with her hand in Azula’s or if it would be better to emerge alone and explain things first. Ultimately, she decides on the latter. Azula seems to be more comfortable with that too. 

She is greeted with a tight hug. “Mai! It’s so good to see you again! I have so many stories.”

“Believe it or not, so do I.” Mai replies and pats the sofa cushion next to her. 

“Oh! You first! Zuko told me that you opened a flower shop? And that you two aren’t fighting anymore. Are you two getting back together!?”

“Uh...no. I actually have someone else.” 

“You’re going to introduce me to him right?” 

“You’ve already met her .” 

Azula takes this as her cue, albeit Mai had planned on leading into it more but Azula has always been rather bold and forthcoming. She makes herself comfortable and Mai drapes an arm over her shoulder. “You’ve missed quite a lot TyLee.” 

“Clearly.” Her brows crinkle. 

“Do you want to hear the story from her or me?” She feels Azula lean quite heavily against her. The metal charms on her necklace clank together, making a soft chinking noise.

“I’d like to hear it from you first, Mai. I thought that she terrified you.”

“She’s a lot less terrifying when she’s eating flowers and scrambling up buildings.” 

.oOo.

Azula looks up, swinging her arms back and forth in anticipation. She gets several passing glances from guards and servants and the odd visiting nobel. But there is are only two souls that can stop her and by the time they notice her it will be too late.

She decides that her best chance would be to take the palace from one of the two sides rather than ascending straight up the middle. The base of the palace has several enormous engravings that offer her plenty of hand and foot holds. It becomes a bit harder when she makes it to the pillars. They are just small enough for her to be able to wrap her arms around and it becomes all about core strength. She slowly works her way up the pillar until she reaches the roof that it holds up. With the last of her strength she pulls herself, by one of the golden flame accents, onto the first tier of the roof. 

She props herself up against the wall and dangles her feet over the edge as she catches her breath. She resumes her climb, ascending until she has reached the very top of the palace’s middle section. It takes a significantly powerful jet of fire to propel herself to the final tier. To that gleaming, glinting spoke of gold fire. She wraps one arm around it and peers down at Caldera City. It is bathed entirely in the orange-gold glow of the sunset. Rays of sunlight bounce of the golden accents of the capital’s more lavish buildings. She follows mongoose-lizard drawn carts out of the city and towards the outskirts. From here she can spy Mohi’s house and her factory. From here she feels accomplished, prideful, and free. 

She sits herself down and dangles her feet off the edge of the roof, letting the sun warm her face. Her familiar and true face. She holds her hand to her cheek as a breeze whistles across it. She smiles to herself; it is nice up here. It feels safe. It feels right. 

“Seriously!?” Zuko shouts from below. “You haven’t learned your lesson?” 

“Relax, I’m not going to fall.” If she were to have fallen, it would have been when she’d blasted that fire--really it only would have taken a misplacement of her hand. “Come join me, Zuzu.”

“I’ll pass.” He grumbles. 

She offers him only a shrug before laying down and closing her eyes. She is home. This is home. Her factory is home. Mohi’s house is home. She has a family now, not just one but two. Three homes, two families, and one girlfriend. 

It is much more than Azula thought that she would have when she’d run off into the Forgetful Valley. It is more than Azula has ever had. 

She waits for the stars to come out before she makes her way back down. Down and into the palace. Down and to the dinner table where her families wait for her. Where she has everything she was certain that she’d lost for good. Where she has everything that she never anticipated having. 

She arranges her pillows and blankets only to have TyLee dismantle them with a, “no, no! We used to put the big velvet one over here in the center, remember!” She doesn’t, that was so long ago when they were just kids. But for the sake of TyLee’s amusement she says that she does. TyLee grins and places it where she wants it. Mai tosses the final blanket over it and steps back to admire their work. 

Azula sits down and clutches her necklace, the very first one that she had made. Mai still wears hers and really she ought to make one for TyLee and Zuko whether they want trash necklaces or not. 

For a moment it is like nothing has changed. But then Mai leans in and kisses her cheek and she knows that everything has. She is still the same and yet she is different. 

She is Snapdragon.

She is Azula.