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To say Emma is nervous would be an understatement.
She woke up an hour before her alarm this morning in a nervous sweat, heart beating out of her chest at the mere thought of what may await her at school. For an hour, she scrolled through pictures, videos, and heartwarming messages from the weekend in an attempt to quell her racing heart and overall nerves. It helped, looking at photos of herself, her girlfriend, all the friends she met at the prom, but when she jumped into the shower an hour later, the stress came right back, settling uncomfortably in her stomach.
She hasn’t seen Alyssa since late Saturday night; she hardly heard from her yesterday beyond a simple text saying she would drive her to school the next day, and now, Monday morning, Emma is pacing nervously across her kitchen. She can feel her grandmother’s eyes on her, tracking her movements with concern.
“Emma, are you sure you don’t want anything to eat? It might help settle your nerves a bit, dear.” Her grandmother, Betsy, asks her.
Emma stops, looking at her grandma. “I don’t think so, Gran.”
She sees the worry in her grandmother’s eyes, which only increases her internal turmoil. Logically, Emma knows everything will be okay. It’s not like they’re coming out today; the hard part is already over. But they are showing up at school together, for the first time, as a out-and-proud couple, and, well, you can’t blame her for being a bit nervous.
Add the fact that she hasn’t heard a word from Alyssa about how things went with her mom, and it makes for a rather extensive list of things for Emma to be worried about. She supposes it’s a good sign that Alyssa is picking her up for school, that she is, in fact, going to school and still has access to her car. That, and it saves Emma from an awful trip on the bus, surrounded by her peers’ judgmental stares and snide comments and questions.
Trent had told her all about his “heroic” conversation with a group of kids where he pulled them out of their dark, bigoted mindsets and into the light—his words, not hers—but Emma is smart enough to know that not everyone has suddenly “seen the light,” and she is not sure if she’s fully prepared for what might await her at school.
Them. Her and Alyssa. They are in this together.
The gentle sound of a honk from a car outside reminds her of just the fact, and Emma says a quick goodbye to her grandma before flinging her bag over her shoulder and walking out the door. Just seeing her girlfriend sitting in her car brings a bright smile to Emma’s face as she walks out and gets into the passenger seat. Before she knows what’s happening, Alyssa grabs her collar and pulls her in for a kiss, one that Emma gladly reciprocates as her eyes flutter shut. Alyssa pulls away with a smile, and Emma smiles back, grin growing even wider when she sees the slightly-too-large flannel wrapped around her girlfriend’s waist.
“When did you take that?” Emma asks teasingly.
“Last week,” Alyssa answers, tugging at the sleeves, “I just want to make sure everyone knows I’m yours, even when we’re not together today.”
Emma can’t help but lean in and kiss her again, their lips sliding together perfectly. Alyssa hums into the kiss before she leans back and starts the car. Grabbing Emma’s hand, she lifts their joined hands to her lips and presses a gentle kiss to Emma’s as she backs out of the driveway and turns onto the street.
“I missed you,” Emma says softly, feeling Alyssa squeeze her hand.
“I missed you, too,” Alyssa says. “I’m sorry for not texting you yesterday. I was just going through a lot with my mom, and—”
“Hey,” Emma cuts her off gently, “It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. I just got worried, that’s all. Is everything… is everything alright? With your mom?”
She feels her girlfriend’s hand grow tense in her own before Alyssa says, “It’s okay, I guess. She didn’t disown me or anything, so that’s good. We talked, a lot, and she’s not totally happy with it, but she’s trying. For me, she’s trying. And I guess that’s all I can ask, right?” She finishes with a heavy sigh.
Emma exhales with relief. “I’m really glad to hear that. One of us deserves to have accepting parents.”
“Emma—”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Emma insists. “I would never want you to go through what I went through. I’m just glad your mom is willing to listen. My parents weren’t, and I would hate to see you go through the same thing.”
Alyssa glances over at her, and Emma just shrugs. She has made peace with the situation with her parents, mostly. Besides, now she has Barry and Angie and Dee Dee and Trent and—
“Well, when in doubt, we’ll always have Grandma Betsy in our corner,” Alyssa interrupts her thoughts with a cheesy grin, and Emma laughs, nodding in agreement.
Alyssa releases Emma’s hand to turn on the radio, and, for the rest of the ride, they sing along to songs on the radio, forgetting about their destination for just a moment. By the time they are pulling into the parking lot, Emma is feeling much better, much less nervous than she was before, but just the sight of kids walking into the building has her heart rate picking right back up. As Alyssa parks the car, Emma takes in a deep breath, but it gets caught in her throat, and she begins to breathe faster, quicker, feeling herself begin to panic. She looks over at Alyssa, seeing her mouth moving but not hearing any of the words that are coming out. Her ears begin to ring, and tears fill her eyes as she meets Alyssa’s gaze, seeing the concern reflected in her eyes. Alyssa grabs her hands and squeezes them tightly, and Emma closes her eyes, focusing on the feeling, letting it ground her as she feels her breathing begin to slow down, her heart settling back in her chest.
She starts to hear Alyssa’s voice, softly saying, “... hear me? Em, you’re okay. We’re okay. Just breathe with me, okay? Just breathe.”
After a few moments, Emma’s eyes flutter open, but she drops her head, looking at her feet rather than meeting Alyssa's eyes. This has only happened a few times around her girlfriend, these moments of panic, and Emma gets ashamed each time, embarrassment overtaking her.
“Emma? Babe, can you hear me?” Alyssa asks gently. Emma nods, and she feels Alyssa’s hand gently on her chin, turning her head to look at her as she continues, “Hey, it’s okay.”
Sighing, Emma lifts a hand to wipe her eyes. “I’m sorry. I just—”
“Hey, you do not need to apologize for anything,” Alyssa interrupts, lifting Emma’s hand up and pressing a kiss to it. “Okay? No apologies.”
Emma nods before saying, “I’m just… really nervous. And I guess it all just kinda built up. I know it’s stupid, but—”
“It’s not stupid, Em. And, hey, listen to me,” Alyssa says gently, waiting for Emma to meet her eyes, “I love you. And everything is going to be okay, I promise. We got over the hardest part, and who cares what everyone else thinks? It’s just you and me. That’s it. We can do that, right?”
Again, Emma nods as she lets Alyssa’s words settle over her. It’s funny, the shift that occurred this weekend. She’s dreamt of being able to hold her girlfriend’s hand in public for months, but, now that it’s finally here, she’s the one that’s scared while Alyssa is perfectly fine, or seems to be, at least.
“I love you, too,” Emma says, “Just you and me, right?”
Alyssa nods. “You and me.”
Emma takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and leans forward, kissing Alyssa briefly. She feels Alyssa smile into the kiss, pecking her lips a few times, before she pulls away and gets out of the car. Emma follows suit, opening her door and standing up, breathing in the warm, spring air. She smiles at Alyssa’s outstretched hand, and she reaches out, interlaces their fingers, and pulls her close for one final kiss before they head inside.
As they walk across the parking lot and into the building, Emma’s heart beats fiercely in her chest, but it’s accompanied by a sense of pride. For the first time, she is walking into school, holding her girlfriend’s hand, proudly stating to the world that she is dating Alyssa, the girl she loves more than anything. She looks at her, seeing a beaming smile on her face, her own flannel wrapped around her girlfriend’s waist, and Emma can’t stop the smile that grows on her face.
She is all too aware of the numerous pairs of eyes locked onto them as they walk down the halls, some supportive, some surprised, some scornful. She’s thankful that they aren’t being paid too much attention, good or bad, and it gives her a sense of relief. When they arrive at her locker, Emma lets go of Alyssa’s hand to open her locker as her girlfriend leans her back against the wall, tilting her head toward her.
“You good?” Alyssa asks, and Emma nods, seeing someone walking up to them out of the corner of her eye.
It’s Kaylee, and Emma turns around to face her, smiling shyly when Alyssa steps closer to her and laces her arm through hers.
“Hey,” Kaylee says quietly, “I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for all the stuff I said in the past, and I’m here for you guys if you need anything. Oh, and Nick told me to tell you that he promises to kick anyone’s ass that gives you shit.”
Emma raises her eyebrows in surprise, and she glances at Alyssa, seeing a similar expression on her face. She certainly wasn’t expecting this, and she knows how much this must mean to her girlfriend in particular.
“Thanks, Kaylee,” Alyssa replies, “It means a lot.”
“Of course,” Kaylee nods, “And, for what it’s worth, Alyssa, I really am so sorry. I hope things worked out with your mom, but if they didn’t, you always have a place at my house.”
Emma hears her girlfriend’s breathing falter, and she knows Alyssa is taking these words to heart. “Things are okay,” Alyssa whispers, and Emma sees the moisture forming in her eyes as she says, “But thank you.”
Kaylee smiles as she says, “Of course. I’ll see you—you both—at lunch?”
Alyssa glances at her, and Emma just nods and says, “We’ll see you there.”
They watch Kaylee walk away, and Emma laughs as she lifts her hands to wipe the beginnings of tears from her girlfriend’s eyes. Alyssa laughs, placing her hands on Emma’s wrists to hold them in place as they cup her cheeks.
“What was that?” Emma asks incredulously, unable to stop the amusement in her voice.
“I have no idea,” Alyssa says, “I guess Trent really did turn some of them around, huh?”
“Don’t tell him that. His ego will never forget it,” Emma laughs.
Alyssa giggles, and Emma starts to lean in to kiss her, but she hesitates for a brief moment. Quickly, Alyssa leans forward and connects their lips, erasing any doubts from her mind about whether they were going to be openly affectionate in school. And, boy, is Emma grateful for that. It feels incredible, kissing her girlfriend out in the open, and she knows everything they went through was worth it for this feeling alone.
Alyssa separates their lips, frowning as she says, “I should get going. My homeroom is on the other side of the building.”
“Yeah, I know,” Emma frowns, “I’ll walk you to lunch later?”
Smiling, she responds, “I’d love that. I’ll be waiting outside my fourth period.”
Emma kisses her one last time before Alyssa walks off, giving her a smile as she turns the corner and leaves her field of sight. Taking a deep breath, Emma closes her locker and begins walking to her homeroom, her pulse calm, her breathing steady, beyond excited for the future that awaits her, that awaits them, together.